teky teky is online now
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3
Default can anyone help me with this question. please life and death i think
hi , my name is stephen i just turned 26 on vday i live in Edison NJ .~ i am not coming on here to whine or complain about my war stories and such forth , i kinda skimmed but i didnt really ready much of the post's which i will when im done writing my story. i am a recovering alcoholic , mostly thanks to
adderall which already i realize isnt a good thing but def better then me being drunk , driving , becoming someone im not , pretty much everytime i drank , i drank ton's and would always blackout , why? i never knew . never had a crazy hard life and i am thankful for that . i try to keep an open mind and see other people's views , but i am gettin side tracked already , hopefully you all are still reading.
basically about im not sure if it was mid april 07 but i got laid off with construction job and i had some free time and money to be a bum so i took it and tried to go pro in esports , yes esports id explain but i could go on foreever , anyway came close , went to playboy mansion for draft etc etc just for a video game , well during playing this video game (counter strike source) i went to LAN up in CT , i live in NJ with a teammate and practice where i re discoverd Adderall . i used to take tons of prescribed meds when i was 9-16 i forgot when i got off meds , prolly when i started experimenting with other drugs being that got heart crushed and all that young life ******** now that i realize , however i resdiscovered adderall and my friend said it would help me focus and he wasnt lying , i became a MACHINE , in everything i did . Social Skills , Productivity , Spittin diareah mouth like it was my job. i am outgoing usually but takes time but with addy i felt it was a miracle , i could talk to anybody etc etc i was like o wow cool. and i wasnt drinking. And When i Tried i felt it was a waste cause id have to drink twice as much and i just felt better with the adderall . not only was Adderall helping me i thought but it made everything so much better . i think i tend to like that feeling and it reminded me closest thing to XTC but i could keep doing it daily , X . Obviously you can't because it just drains your serantonine anyways you experts already know this , where im getting too is , gaming and adderall is amazing not gonna lie , everything improved. i tried to snort it but i felt it was to potent that way . So i come back after my 3 month vacation and Go back home to NJ , i pretty much was taking a broken up 10-20 mg pill in 4's and nibblin on em like NERDS the candy. my teammate said why you taking so much you dont need that much blah blah , he obviously didnt know the addict that lies within. SO~ before i left his dad was a PHD. and wrote it for him pretty much when he needed it , he didnt really abuse it however , anyways being the addict i was , i stole a whole 90 bottle on the way back . and i believe these were 30 MG's not really sure . however i come back and tell the good news to everyone how i stopped drinkin and i been takin this adderall. i even got some friends on to it . what a mistake , because it was hard for me to find and now i had to share that i had or whatever , i am very generous so me being me and rergretting later would always share . however i started to run out and feel ********py so first thing i did was see my psychiatrist whom has been a family friend and my shrink for a good 6 yrs by now. i told him how i heard about adderall and ive been havin problems focusing . blah blah blah etc you get my drift. i ended up getting a 20 mg prescription and moderating it , soon to ask for 30 mg mind you ive only been on it for 3 months now and i dont even know but it got to 60 mg daily within this time but i was takin prolly that to 90mg a day , till i found XR's which i really liked cause it lasted Twice as Long . so i was getting these and getting generics which in general Addy is very hard @ least for me to find and i only had and still have 1 connect for that. anyways LONGG story short , i been on it since and now im @ the point of 120 MG daily if ANYTHING . best i ever tried was 60 mg but i fiend so much for more , i just dont want it to lead to somethin like crystal meth . basically i have been abusing it slowly but surely and i have gained a routine of staying up 2 days doing construction nontheless and then sleep 1 day , pretty much AWAKE was the new SLEEP for me. so i did this 2-1-2 pattern for a good 6-7 mnths just about now and yea i lost about 30lbs but i think i look better then i ever have , however my body i can feel it goin down a bad path . i dont work construction anymore thank god and trying to run a business me and a partner have been brainstorming over but besides that i feel i need to ween myself off and i just dont know how , sure i could go to NA MEETINGS but will i? i never did for alcohol and i sure know i will not until i move out of where i am currently living because the atmopshere is impossible to recover in , roomattes either smoke do some bs one day or the other just a bunch of friedns who are addicts but some just dont know it yet~ and are stubborn anyways i hate trying to explain myself to people who arent addicts because its like if your a pro football player and im not obviously whoeever else is a pro football player will understand that player more then the non when it comes to that . its to much politics. i just would like to know how to get off it or if anyone recommends somethin not as addictin where you stay up and such , its mostly sleep deprivation in my opinion but recently i was off it for 4 days and i just went insane , needed it . acted like the raging addict i once was when i wanted to drink but knew i couldnt. i lasted 4 days and fell right back into it . i feel like i only KNOW this world on adderall lately and so lost without it . i was put on this medicine that helps the withdrawls its called ZYPRESSa or somethin , i just felt really knocked out when i tried wakin up on it . its like takin a tab of acid u take it the same way. it just helped me calm down but what from there ya know? i have been up too 300 MG before i cant afford that but when i can i indulge , its like i know its not right yet the pleasure is the dark cloud which i think feels like the white cloud yet disguised. i KNOW & BELIEVE when i do get straight and i will hopefully before its to late , i can achieve anything. so i just wanted to know if anyone could help me?
I THANK Whoever had the PATIENCE to read that and would give me some feed back. thanks much
stephen
edit
id also like to mention , being an addict . it wouldnt seem right to go to the painkillers cause i know how i am , and that just seems like another road i dont wanna go down, so being the addict how do you win this battle? meetings yet feel ********ty forever? how does this work not sayin meetings make ya feel ********ty . pretty much it is a never ending battle but to be off everything forever is hard to swallow.
when i saw someone post about if this will make me feel like this then before then ill die feeling this way. some powerful stuff because sometimes im not sayin i am prone to the death throne but i think that way also , used to when i drank . i just cant afford or deal with anymore crutches , stealing because of it just being a sneaky person yet down inside knowing i have the heart of a saint. it just dont make sense , and yes life is not fair i could say this but that usually just pisses people off . anyways i guess you only got god for this one.
does anyone know if you can get adderall ordering it online and is it legit? and could you do so without a script ? my doc pulled me off it cold turkey and i dont think that is fair. anyways my 2 cents again
mind you i stay up for 2 days and i keep takin it sometimes i lose track of what was the amount i took today? i def know it aint good but i def dont like being insane either so.
Serious Question On Long Term Adderall Effects. please any feedback appreciated 
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