ok, so here's the problem. people make me feel like a speed addict when my family is riddled with ADD.
i'm 26 and diagnosed w/ADD for the past 7yrs, and i am prescribed 120mg
adderall a day (30mg regular generic adderall made by barr pharm, 4 times a day) bc i have no insurance and it's the cheapest) and i feel like its not strong enough or lasting long enough.
i've researched about the taboo desoxyn and dexedrine and ppl who take more adderall than me and that adderall xr's are suppossed to go generic this month and i dont know what to do. my husband tells me its in my head, i never felt like i had a tolerance before. my circumstances would change that would indicate a change in does (read LONG story below). after too much research, i now feel like a crack head but i'm too scared to rock the boat, if you will, with my dr bc i can NOT imagine life w/o adderall. ritilin-based meds do not work and
vyvanse never reaches it 'full' potential like adderall.
i dont really want to be on
more adderall? but i dont want to ask about a different med bc i've read all these redflags on the other more potents meds. any advice??
here's my story:
throughout my childhood i NEVER paid attention, always on the go, did stupid, dangerous things like jump off the roof of my house or get stuck in trees 3 stories above ground. i didnt get in trouble for hyperness in school too much bc i just stayed in my own world. thankfully i'm book smart so i still made great grades even though i didn't listent to the teacher. come to found out later, that well-behaved, smart girls are the most underdiagnosed class of ADHD patients. well i was never treated/tested for it. go figure.
high school rolls around and i'll be damned if still no one thought i might have ADD. I was in honors, AP, NHS, clubs and i just couldn't keep up anymore. my procrastination and anxiety and depression became unbearable. i couldn't do homework, get along w/my mom, and i fail out of 2 of my AP classes bc i didnt feel like doing the work bc i thought i could still pass by my sheer geniousity alone. no dice. i attempted suicide superficially bc i couldn't manage life so i stole a car and ran away to another state.
came back home and got stuck right into the hospital for being 'depressed' and crazy. well i thought i was just 'depressed'. the hospital was stupid and i pretended to be 'all better' to get out bc no one could figure out what was going on. anti-depressants didnt make me feel better. in fact, i think i felt more depressed each time one didnt work. fyi, i've tried
prozac,
lexapro,
paxil,
cymbalta, and
celexa.
well then to top it all off, i get pregnant at 16. i had my daughter at 17. graduated highschool thank God! (still top 13%) and then dropped out twice out of college. so i got a job. around the time i met my now husband, i started seeing my daughter being just like me (great!, lol). uncontrtollably hyper at age 2 and NO, she wasn't just an energetic toddler. she climbed trees and couldnt get back down, would just walk out the front door and play down the street w/o me knowing and neighbors would bring her home! she got kicked, nicely, out of daycare and you know what came to my mind? ADHD!
i took he to a psychologist and recomended me to a psychiatrist who promptly diagnosed her w/ADHD as soon as he laid eyes on her. he put her on adderall xr and then told me i had ADHD. i was dumbfounded. i simply never thought that i could possibly be that! but i was pregnant w/my son at the time and he told me to see him after the baby was born.
well adderall calmed my daughter down, like a zombie! she watched 3 full lengthed disney movies back to back one time. she looked 'stoned' but she was manageable at least. mind you, i was a young parent doing the best i could. she 'seemed' 'better'. so after my son's birth, i started college (again) and i went to see the psychiatrist for me. i got put on 20mg adderal xr and OH MY F*CKING GIZZLE!
i did my homework. i got bumped up to 40mg then 60mg and did decent. i listened to the teacher and LIKED it. i did chores at home. i havnt had anymore speeding tickets or car accidents (there had been 9 tickets and 3 fender benders previosuly). i spent better quality time w/my daughter and didnt have moldy bottles under the coffee table. my laundry was put away and i didnt argue w/my mom, as much. i brushed my teeth at night and made an A in my A&P bio class like it was common knowledge. i got my kids in a routine that involved getting them in bed at a decent time WITH pj's on and didnt spend 30 mins picking out a flavor of hamburger helper at the grocery store.
so this is what 'normal' ppl feel like?!?! lucky S.O.B.'s! then i realized my dad has adhd to when i started to think about genetics. (misplacing stuff, starting projects and never finishing, zoning off when talking to him or suddenly talking about something completely different than the conversation, slobbish, etc.) he's now on vyvanse age 53.
well i wasnt a zombie like my daughter, so i stopped her adderall to wait for school and see if she wasnt just 'hyper'. can anyone say hell? the cops were threatened to be called on her in PRE-K and i was let known that kindergarten was optional and not required. (i didn't know that, did anyone else know that??) still i remembered her zombie days...
in the meantime i turned 23 and got kicked off my dad's insurance so now i'm a self-pay. had to get generic, regular adderall which did not work as well so i got moved to 90mgs/day. also my daughter kept getting 'red' days in 1st grade and N's in conduct but grades were good (she's smart like me). and i start noticing my son's conduct. here we go again.
time rolls on and the economy blows and i find out i'm prego again! gotta feed the fam so i had to temporarily quit school and get a job. i drive a school bus and wake up at 5am and get off at 5pm tues & fri and 7pm mon, wed, & thurs. things become too much w/a 3rd kid AND a job which made my days 4 hrs longer, not to mention the house and the husband and the non-potty trained dog. so after blowing a redlight and getting a ticket for it, it was time to take the family in. i got put on 120mg adderall but he tried both kids on 5mg
focalin xr (same as
ritalin) bc i didnt like my daughter on adderall.
OH i forgot!!!!! while prego w/#3, i had to get OFF adderall. i wanted to die. that's the easiest way to put it. death.
my daughter, now 8 in 2nd grade and on 20mg focalin xr, makes a 360 and is a model child. she is not a zombie, she is herself just well-behaved and only picks on her brother some of the time. she got her report card- straight A's! my son on the other hand, is an emotional zombie?? wtf? so we try him on 5mg adderal regular. i see a good change, barely. like i keep waiting for ito 'kick in' all the way but never does. so he gets switched to vyvanse. i'll let you know how it goes bc he doesnt start it until monday!
and me? well i feel like i take a bunch of adderall. YOU try taking a prescription for #120 of the highest dose of adderall to a pharmacy and tell me how they look at you. thankfully i pretty much use the same one so it hasnt been too much of a problem until last christmas my father-in-laws step-son stole half of my med! and my pharmacy was like, why are you trying to get a refill 13 days early? i had bad back pains and went to a medical dr and told him my medication and he syas straight out, thats a high dose. i read these forums and get the feeling i'm on a pretty decent dose of this stuff. my husband is an ex-user, and will take them 'recreationally' and tells me i dont need that much (bc he's a damn dr and know everything, pfff
).
the problem now is that i feel like four 30mg tablets a day are not enough. they last 3hrs, ehhh, and i struggle to wait the 4th hour before taking another one. so now back to the top where i need advice!
ADDerall Confusion- 3 stories in one 
hello again 
or if my story part is just too long! 
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