trying to quit

want2getstr8 · #1 04-26-2009, 08:25 PM

I have been taking hydrocodones and occassionally percs (sp) for a long time, probably five or six years. For most of the time I would take a couple or five or six over a couple of days and then go without for days or even weeks. Then about six to nine months ago or so I started taking them very regularly, around 6-10 10mg a day. I guess it snuck up on me more than I thought it did. At first I would go two or three days without any and figure if I could do that I was fine and get some more. Then I quit taking the breaks. Twice since I started being a steady user I quit for about two weeks and went back to using. I am now about sixty hours into stopping again. (I would call it day 3 but I started day 1 with one pill that morning). This time seems easier than the last two and think it is because I slowed down my use for the last week or so, maybe taking just two or three in a day. I will probably always love pain meds. But I realize now that is wrecking my life. It affects my personality and makes me not deal with problems head on. I am sure people I work with can tell sometimes that something is off. I lost a ton of weight and people are always asking about that. I feel ok right now but dread the mornings. They are the worst. I started smoking cigars when I switched from being a regular pot-head to a being a pill-head (I smoked pot regularly from about 15 yrs until I got steady with the pills and I think that all those years made me associate smoking with being high. I dont know about it being a gateway drug; because, although I was up for almost anything until I was 19 or 20, I went almost 20 years just smoking pot and taking pills very infrequently.) and now I want to chain smoke cigars and drink coffee until about noon and for everyone to leave me alone. Of course that is impossible. The money is an issue too. You think is no big deal to fork over thrity to sixty dollars for a handful of pills when you have some money; but when you are using regularly it really adds up. Both of my sources are nice people and I almost feel guilty to stop giving them my business. I know that sounds crazy. Well anyway, I dont think I will have a problem getting over the hump of withdrawel because I had some in my hand yesterday and today and did not take them because I want to get this overwith. But I worry I will slip back somewhere down the road thinking I can use them recreationally again. One thing I am using to motivate myself is the fact that I am 40 with my first child on the way. I got to be slacker for a lot longer than most people and it is time to grow up for good. I got rid of my playstation 3 and now it is time to get rid of the weed and the pills.

relaybane · #2 04-26-2009, 09:46 PM

Dont you just hate the way our tolerence builds up! I started on minimal and eventually i wouldnt have felt ok even if i took enough to od with

..
I wish you all the best, but also suggest that as you said you had some in your hand but didnt take them, that you throw them away. They will start begging you at some point, if youre anything like me..Please keep us informed of your progress, as there is a lot of experience and advice here if things go south..Keep it up!

want2getstr8 · #3 04-27-2009, 09:24 AM

They are no longer in my possession. I have a preg. girlfriend who has a script; but, she runs out in part due to my sharing and I had picked them up for her. But I agree that it is not a good idea to have them available.

Today was my first morning to get up early and go to work and I am surprised how good I feel. Last night I felt a headache coming on and took some advil. I have a creaky knee and my back hurts sometimes. I think both are part real and part my brain trying to tell me to take pills. I think the advil really helped. I also think cutting back last week was huge and most of what I took last week were percs. and the problem was about 95% hydros and 5% percs. So I had not had very many hydros at all in the week leading up to stopping as most of what I took were percs. I am using the dread of feeling ********py again to keep me from relapsing. Saturday was my girlfriend's daughters birthday party and she had made me promise not to take anything that day and that helped a ton on what turned out to be the roughest day. I have heard you have to do it for yourself but for a child to ask you to stop and then to make a promise to a child to stop makes you realize you are screwing up.

want2getstr8 · #4 04-27-2009, 10:27 AM

I noticed that 33 people had read my post and I appreciate it. I think it is helpful to me just to spit all this out. You try to keep something like this a secret from half the world and then quitting is not usually something you can discuss with the other half.

I am also wondering how long it will be before I can pass a drug screen. I have not smoked marijuana in probably a month and have had no opiates for over three days now.

hadenough2009 · #5 04-27-2009, 10:32 AM

[QUOTE=want2getstr8;234342]They are no longer in my possession. I have a preg. girlfriend who has a script; but, she runs out in part due to my sharing and I had picked them up for her. But I agree that it is not a good idea to have them available.QUOTE]

Are you saying that your pregnant girlfriend takes them too? Or does she just get the script for you? I'm not a doctor, but isn't it dangerous for a pregnant woman to take opiates? On a happier note, congrats for wanting to get clean for your child. A lot of times it takes a drastic change in the life of an addict to make them want to change. Keep on keepin on and know that the people here are here to help and support you on your journey. Good luck!

want2getstr8 · #6 04-27-2009, 10:55 AM

Yes she is. She is having a rough time. She is in and out of the hospital and on bedrest. The doctor has prescribed her 7.5s and she goes through them pretty fast and like I said, I was not helping with that. It does seem risky but I guess not as bad as the alternative.

MaisieC · #7 04-27-2009, 11:48 AM

Hey there,

I think the absolute best thing for you to do is check out an NA or AA meeting near you. (I know you're not an alcoholic, but AA meetings are just as helpful and there tend to be more of them around. So many people are cross-addicted anyway, and addiction is addiction.)

You seem to be able to detox on your own with minimal trouble. Your challenge is not getting clean, it's staying clean. And the stakes are much higher now that you're going to be a father. That thing you mention--the idea that you could use recreationally and keep it under control--is so powerful and insidious. That's the delusion that kept me relapsing for years, so I know how seductive it is.

What you'll get in NA is a set of tools and a whole way of looking at the world and at life that will help you stay clean for life. You'll meet people who understand you completely and will be supportive of you. It's really a great community, and it's just such an amazing relief to realize you're not alone, others have walked this same path, and they are now there to help you.

I know people sometimes don't want to go...they don't want to spend the time, they don't think their habit is serious enough to merit going to meetings, they don't want to share with strangers. I was in that frame of mind myself. The fantasy that you can control your drug use can also make you unwilling to look at a 12-step program.

But that is totally my best suggestion. You've got a lot on your plate, and you can get a lot of support to help you get through it, change your outlook and your life. Check out a few meetings and see what you think.

Good luck to you! You've got a lot to stay clean for!

Maisie

anotheraddict · #8 04-27-2009, 08:16 PM

Welcome, glad you decided to join us. I just passed the 30 day mark myself from an addiction to Oxy that started with an injury just like the story of many others here. They always say there's no good time to stop, but I think that you have plenty to look forward to right now. A new baby is a gift. One that I would not want to miss any part of because of the effects of the opiates.

I am in total agreement with Maisie. Getting clean is the easy part. I know, that sounds dumb right now...But really, the hard part is staying clean. I still struggle with cravings, but I am learning to deal with them in other ways. Channeling my energies into reading forums, books, and anything else that interests me. Some based on addiction, some not. This is the best support I have found outside of NA. It's a great place to be a part of.

Hope you stick around

want2getstr8 · #9 04-28-2009, 09:27 AM

I am now on day 4 or 5 depending on how you count. I feel a little worse today than yesterday but still better than when taking. I mowed grass last night and I am sore from that and that creates temptation. Also the fact that I have gone this long allows those thougths of "if I can quit this easily why not take and quit again." Anyway I am fighting through. I certainly appreciate everyone's support. I have thought alot about NA and even went so far as to look up meeting times and places but I am an attorney and I am afraid I will get spotted and word will get out. So for now I am going to use this as my support group. I am wondering when is it time to tell some of the people that I care about but have kept this from. I know they have wondered about me and I feel like they are owed an explanation. I would just like to get everyone's thoughts.

want2getstr8 · #10 04-29-2009, 09:15 AM

Well I am still hanging in there. I really feel fine. My appetite and sense of humor are coming back. It is day five with no percs or hydros. The temptation to take a couple just for fun is strong though. I know that would be a mistake but I keep thinking that a couple would not totally derail me. The doc. cut my girlfriend off because she just throws them back up and she wants me to look around for her.

MaisieC · #11 04-29-2009, 09:26 AM

I'm really glad to hear you're feeling better! A lot of people find that Day 4 is the worst, and that things start to get a lot better from there. A lot of people also struggle with that feeling that they just want to take a couple of pills for fun, once they're clean. That did me in so many times! It very probably would derail you altogether, and all your effort would have been thrown away. You really just have to plan never to use again, period. It's too dangerous. This is one of the many things NA is good for, to get help dealing with those cravings.

So I don't exactly understand what's going on with your girlfriend. Why was she on pills? And the doctor took her off because she's throwing up? And now she wants you to get her some pills, even though she throws them up? I'm confused. Could you explain a little more?

Hang in there, and take care!

want2getstr8 · #12 04-29-2009, 02:32 PM

The doctor prescribed hydros for pain. When she goes to the hospital pain is usually the main problem and they give her something on the IV. She has been throwing up everything and when she saw him yesterday he told her that if she was throwing them up then he was not going to give her anymore. But she still wants to try to get something for the pain. To be honest she has had a much rougher history with drugs than I have. She came off meth when she got pregnant with a couple of relapses and just recently stopped taking Xanex so they will not show up in blood tests. I have known her for a long time and she always called herself an ex-meth user but the truth was that she often relapsed and when we first got together she had a pretty major relapse. She has had two more minor relapses while pregnant based on what I have seen and some of what she has told me. Needless to say our relationship is dicey especially with the stakes so high. I dont blame her for my problem because I am older than she is and make my own decisions but it has not helped the situation. The main way we stayed in touch prior to getting together was her getting pills and weed for me and now I know the people she got them from. You would have to know her though because she is so special and I just dont believe she belongs in that world. In a way the kid will always give me a way to help her towards a normal life. I anticipate some of the people reading this to talk about how hard it is to save someone else when you have a problem yourself and I agree but I have no choice and I have pulled myself out.

want2getstr8 · #13 04-30-2009, 11:11 AM

Tomorrow morning at 7:00 am will be one week since my last use. I got a call from one of my sources last night at it was so tempting to go get a couple; but I didn't. I agree that the temptation to try to use just recreationally is harder than going through the withdrawels and therein lies the problem. You figure you can do it again. Accountablity is the key. I know how the guilt of blowing it makes you keep using after a mistake. I have hit a rute where I dont really feel bad as much as I am just unmotivated. I dont really want to work or do anything positive. I keep thinking of errands to allow me to smoke and get out of the office. Well I hope I get back to normal soon.

relaybane · #14 05-01-2009, 01:36 AM

you are doing incredible! avoid temptation like you are and it'll get better..I do suggest meetings though. I have been going for over a decade and ( dont take this the wrong way) nobody will care if youre an attorney..There are always people from all walks of life, and lots of high profile people. The anon in Narc anon really is an important part of the whole deal, give it a try...keep up the good work!

steelwagon · #15 05-01-2009, 02:28 AM

i feel for you my friend and understand the temptation.
i'm 10 days off a miserable cold turkey detox of methadone,oxycodone,oxycontin and opana.
the first 5 days were hell and it's still hard to sleep but at least at this point i'm not sick while i'm wide awake.
do your best to keep the temptation away anyway you can.
i know it's hard because it seems like everybody we know is doing something and when you're trying to stay clean there's always something right in front of you.

what's helped me so far are my vivid memories of 4 days straight pukeing green stomach bile nonstop .
that was nasty and painful,my throat felt like it was on fire.
yeah it's easy to remember the fun times being high but sometimes it helps to remember the not so great times detoxing.
good luck to anyone fighting their demons!!!

new script · #16 05-01-2009, 02:39 AM

Hello,
I new! I was prescribed Suboxin today. 8 mg 4 times a day. After reading all the posts on how hard it is to get off the Suboxin from websites on Suboxin I think I am going to just get off the 30 to 35 Vicaden a day. I just took 1 Vicaden after going 13 hours. I will just get off My plan is to go to 5 tomorrow then 4 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday. I will then just stop Monday! The Dr. wanted me on Seboxin for a full year before considering detoxing me. If I was a self pay I would have to pay $800 for the month's prescription. WOW!!! What does everyone think? Isn't Suboxin just replacing the Vicaden? HELP!!! Any advice???
D

brndout · #17 05-01-2009, 07:49 AM

Hi -this is Linda and I think your making a great decision to get off the pills. You basically have three choices. The first being cold turkey which is essentially what you are talking about doing in you post. People on here have done it using the Thomas Recipe for help. If possible I would taper down a bit first but thats just me-you may want to go for it. Second choice is a real taper - it would be much longer than what you mentioned and there are people on here to help Melinda would be a good person to ask. And last but not least the much loved and feared Suboxone.First and foremost and I hardly ever say never but NEVER take 4 eight mg subs per day .Thats about the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. No, it is the most ridiculous thing I've heard. One 8mg 4 times a day is totally over the top I dont even know what your Dr. is thinking .Anyway Subs are a good drug when used properly. You can read about a proper induction and taper in the Featured Drug forum.It is the second sticky called Suboxone/Subutex therapy. Robert is the go to guy re:sub tapers and I am sure he would help. A sub taper done correctly would take about six weeks . There are pros and cons to each of these you will need to consider your support system , how long and to what extent can you be sick, your relapse history, your cravings, financial situation,personal preference as some people cant stand tapering. You should spend some time reading and talking to people on here about the different methods, they are all very nice and willing to help.No matter which one you choose you are the one who will make it a success or failure .You really have to want it and have the attitude that there is no option other than success and it will be. Good Luck

want2getstr8 · #18 05-01-2009, 10:46 AM

I got into an arguement with my preg girlfriend yesterday and she told me to stay away. I think she is going to keep me the birth from me and keep me from the baby as much as possible. I went and got five hydros and took three last night and two this morning. I know that is no excuse. I am going to start over and quit again. I am thinking of going away for the weekend but I am afraid the baby will come and there is the possibility of her calling at the last minute. I just felt I had to put the cushion of being high between me and my life being destroyed.

Robert_325 · #19 05-01-2009, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by new script

Hello,
I new! I was prescribed Suboxin today. 8 mg 4 times a day. After reading all the posts on how hard it is to get off the Suboxin from websites on Suboxin I think I am going to just get off the 30 to 35 Vicaden a day. I just took 1 Vicaden after going 13 hours. I will just get off My plan is to go to 5 tomorrow then 4 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday. I will then just stop Monday! The Dr. wanted me on Seboxin for a full year before considering detoxing me. If I was a self pay I would have to pay $800 for the month's prescription. WOW!!! What does everyone think? Isn't Suboxin just replacing the Vicaden? HELP!!! Any advice???
D

You can use the Thomas Recipe when you jump off after Sunday. If you decide that doesn't work and want to use suboxone you've got to do it properly which doesn't include taking 32mg. Let me know if you want some help. God bless.

Robert_325 · #20 05-01-2009, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by want2getstr8

I got into an arguement with my preg girlfriend yesterday and she told me to stay away. I think she is going to keep me the birth from me and keep me from the baby as much as possible. I went and got five hydros and took three last night and two this morning. I know that is no excuse. I am going to start over and quit again. I am thinking of going away for the weekend but I am afraid the baby will come and there is the possibility of her calling at the last minute. I just felt I had to put the cushion of being high between me and my life being destroyed.

Going to score some hydros because someone pi$$es you off isn't the answer.

There is nothing that using makes better. The same problem is still there isn't it?

Drug-induced relationships usually don't survive unless there are some changes which include getting clean.

You both have more problems than who is going to be there when the baby is born. Good luck and God bless.

melinda7.5 · #21 05-01-2009, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by want2getstr8

I got into an arguement with my preg girlfriend yesterday and she told me to stay away. I think she is going to keep me the birth from me and keep me from the baby as much as possible. I went and got five hydros and took three last night and two this morning. I know that is no excuse. I am going to start over and quit again. I am thinking of going away for the weekend but I am afraid the baby will come and there is the possibility of her calling at the last minute. I just felt I had to put the cushion of being high between me and my life being destroyed.

Hi want2getstra8
If you think there is a chance your baby is going to be born this weekend there is no way I would go out of town...That will be one of the biggest events of your life...could even be life changing event...
Just try to keep it together and try to make up with your girl...call her tell her your sorry even if you didn't do anything...if she is that far along she is not feeling to well...so she will need all the help she can get.
just tell her you want to be there for her...and tell her that you love her and DON'T take any more pills...LOL...
things will work out...
Talk to you later, Melinda

Robert_325 · #22 05-01-2009, 08:10 PM

Melinda is right. And if your girlfriend/wife is about to domino she is in a wierd place emotionally anyway.

You can't pay any attention to her emotional outbursts a couple days before she gives birth. Honestly a woman is pretty much allowed to say anything at that time and you just have to deal with it.

Addicts run, a man will stick it out and be there. Don't run from this. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you aren't there. Call her and just tell her it's okay. You're going to be there for her. Let us know how it goes and that the baby is okay. God bless.

kdunz · #23 05-03-2009, 01:16 PM

It sounds like you are in a bad place again. I hope you fight this cuz you will regret it if you totally relapse again. As for your girklfiend, you should definatlely call her. Ive been pregnant and trust me, women are an emotional reck at this far along. Still, I wish I could be in your shoes cuz I am really not doing so well. I have been taking all sorts of pills for the last 3 years and then about 3 months ago, I switched to the big H! It had been so long since I actually got a ruch from anything that I dove in head first. Today I woke up knowing that I am about to go into serious withdrawls! I could probably get a some more but I really want to be done with this ********. I have some suboxone that I bought off someone but I am scared to take it. I have used it before with great results but I have also taken it too soon after opiates and been forced into terrible withdrawl. Maybe someone out there can tell me how long I should wait before taking any?

brndout · #24 05-03-2009, 02:36 PM

HI- This is Linda I have been where you are and Subs are a good choice but you need to do them the right way from the beginning. If you take them to soon you can go into precipitated withdraw and that is no fun.Go to featured drug forum and the second sticky says Suboxone/Subutex therapy and read how you should do the induction correctly.I know Robert wants you at a 26 on the COWS worksheet before you begin.Then post to Robert 325 and he will get back to you later.If for some reason he cannot then pull the worksheet off line and follow his induction to the letter. Wait till your at a 26 and dont cheat and then take 2mg and wait an hour before you take 2mg. more.Wait the full hour- this is important. If you follow this plan exactly you will get off of the nightmare merry go round that you are on Good Luck I will do what I can to help if you need, Linda

kdunz · #25 05-03-2009, 03:21 PM

I will do what you instructed but I am new to all this forum stuff so I may ask for help if I cant find what I'm looking for. I really appreciate the advice though. I know all about the withdrawls caused by taking the suboxone too soon. Unfortunately, I have done that.....twice! I have also taken it the right way and I thought is was amazing. Everyone here has talked about trying to use occasionally after getting clean and that is exactly what happened to me. I had no problem at all tapering with the suboxone so it made it that much easier for me to use again. I thought that if it was so easy to make the switch to suboxone then it would be no problem for me to have a little fun with pills. Obviously I was wrong and found out the hard way how dangerous it could be to bounce back and forth. Im finally at a point where I know that I can NOT have fun after I get clean again so I think the suboxone is a good choice for me now.

Robert_325 · #26 05-03-2009, 06:48 PM

Linda is exactly correct as usual!

Let me know if you're having problems but I would tell you just like Linda did about using the COWS worksheet and scoring a 26 or better. Then don't take more than 2mg at a time during the induction waiting an hour between doses.

The sub therapy post Linda mentioned tells you exactly what you need to do. Let me know how it goes. If you need help I'm here every day. Good luck and God bless.

kdunz · #27 05-04-2009, 03:10 PM

Well, I couldn't find the forum Linda was talking about. I have no idea what the COWS Worksheet is and I was too scared to switch to subox yesterday. I ended up getting more H but I REALLY want to get off of it! I don't know if you know anything about the H but I am smoking about 5 balloons a day. I really only need 2 or 3 to get by. I only have 7 8mg suboxone and don't think I can get any more very soon. I only want enough to get through the worst of the physical withdrawl but I am worried that I wont have enought sub to get through even that short period of time. Do you have any idea how much subox I would need per day when Im smoking this much? If I don't have enough then it would be pointless to start taking it now. Thank you for all your help. What do you think about the thomas recipie or parts of it in combination with subox?

Kristin

Robert_325 · #28 05-04-2009, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdunz

Well, I couldn't find the forum Linda was talking about. I have no idea what the COWS Worksheet is and I was too scared to switch to subox yesterday. I ended up getting more H but I REALLY want to get off of it! I don't know if you know anything about the H but I am smoking about 5 balloons a day. I really only need 2 or 3 to get by. I only have 7 8mg suboxone and don't think I can get any more very soon. I only want enough to get through the worst of the physical withdrawl but I am worried that I wont have enought sub to get through even that short period of time. Do you have any idea how much subox I would need per day when Im smoking this much? If I don't have enough then it would be pointless to start taking it now. Thank you for all your help. What do you think about the thomas recipie or parts of it in combination with subox?

Kristin

The COWS (clinical opioid withdrawal scale) is used for determining if you're in severe enough w/d to begin the suboxone induction. Here is the link ...

http://www.suboxone.com/pdfs/OWR.pdf

You MUST score an accumulative score of at least 26 prior to beginning the suboxone or you'll go into precipitated w/d. I can walk you through the entire process but you'll need to give it some time being as you just recently did the heroin.

The seven pills isn't enough to get you past the detox. It will make a dent in your w/d but that is about it. Just want to make sure you realize that. I can show you how to make the subs stretch as far as is possible but you'll have to do exactly as I tell you. Let me know if you want my help. God bless.

brndout · #29 05-04-2009, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdunz

Well, I couldn't find the forum Linda was talking about. I have no idea what the COWS Worksheet is and I was too scared to switch to subox yesterday. I ended up getting more H but I REALLY want to get off of it! I don't know if you know anything about the H but I am smoking about 5 balloons a day. I really only need 2 or 3 to get by. I only have 7 8mg suboxone and don't think I can get any more very soon. I only want enough to get through the worst of the physical withdrawl but I am worried that I wont have enought sub to get through even that short period of time. Do you have any idea how much subox I would need per day when Im smoking this much? If I don't have enough then it would be pointless to start taking it now. Thank you for all your help. What do you think about the thomas recipie or parts of it in combination with subox?

Kristin

Hi Kristin- This is Linda and I am so sorry you need to go to Featured Drug forum for Suboxone/Subutex taper. I see Robert has contacted you and my advice would be graciously take him up on it. If any one could make seven subs stretch Robert could . Let me know if you need anything and I'll try not to screw you up again .Linda

kdunz · #30 05-04-2009, 08:19 PM

Linda,

Thank you, that makes it a little clearer for me and don't worry, you didn't screw me up, im just new to all this stuff. Thanks again.

Kristin


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