i injured my back in 1985 - broke 2 vertebrae and suffered a severe bone infection. in 1996, i rehurt my back lifting a heavy object. i had several visits to the doctor, and i was prescribed
tylenol 3, vicodin, and
percocets over a 6-9 month period. i could not find the right pain killer to help me deal with the back pain. all of my pain - from the first injury to the reinjury in 1996 - was all upper back, shoulder, and neck. the strange thing about painkillers is that i found i was happier on them and could function better during times of depression. i was more outgoing. anyway, after my back started feeling better in early 1997, i realized how much i liked the painkillers. they felt a part of my life, and i could actually feel like a better person on them. my doctor prescribed 4 to 6 per day, but i was only taking 2, and keeping the rest in reserve. i wanted enough to allow me to feel better when i need to deal with life. a few years later, i found a doctor who was writing me a prescription for 120 to 150 percocets every 3 weeks. although i was only taking 3 or 4 per day, i was building up my supply, anticipating the day when my doctor would stop writing me prescriptions. i then realized i needed more each day to feel normal. by late 2005, i was up to 5-6 per day. by early 2006, i was up to 12-15 5-mg percocets per day. in may 2006, i realized that i was starting to take more percocets than i could build up my supply, so i knew by august that i would either run out or need to do something else to get more. in may 2006, i went to an outpatient rehab, and started
suboxone. it was heck getting on the subutex. i had the worst time, and in early 2007, i went to another doctor who realized i was allergic to the naxolone. i was absorbing it. i went from 4 suboxone per day to 3 subutex per day. during my rehab, my doctor and councellor worked together to realize that i am slightly bipolar, and the percocets had a mild antidepressant side effect that was masking it for years. i am not sure if they are correct, but maybe the feeling sof depression were actually withdrawal symptoms from the percocets ans the reaction of the naxalone. whatever it is, i want to be free of everything - absolutely no medicine in my life because i think the subutex is making me feel elevated and normal. but everytime i step down my subutex, i feel like garbage until the dosage levels off. i take first dosage at 08:00 every morning, and by 09:15, i feel like a human being again. i take the second dosage around 14:00, and by 14:30, i feel normal. i truly believe the subutex is the euphoria, and the bipolar diagnosis is a psychiatrist just trying to keep me on drugs. i have tried over 10 combinations of antidepresants over the past 3 years, and nothing has made a difference. only a stable dose of subutex makes me feel like a human being rather than depressed. unless you have felt the same experience, i can't describe it too well. anyway, i have only take 1/4 of the 8-mg subutex tablet for the past 3 days (monday, tuesday, and today). i would like to know the best way to proceed - whether to go to 1/4 tablet in morning and 1/8 tablet in afternoon for next decrease. my doctor does not know i am reducing my dosage, becasue he has already told me i may need to be on this for life, and i would be intollorable to be around if i came off of subutex. God bless, and thank you in advance for any advice.