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Suboxone W/D - I will make it, but a few ?
  1. #1
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Default Suboxone W/D - I will make it, but a few ?

    Folks,

    I'm no rookie here, sadly. I don't condemn myself for making mistakes though, however I know there's no avoidance of paying my dues (W/D's). We all probably get a bit lost with relatively innocent conditions or tend to self-medicate through tough spots in life. We all have probably had tough spots with this economy. I lost a close friend to suicide, my Grandpa (hero), and the girl I loved; in addition to a brutal firing from a job I was doing extremely well at the time. That's not atypical of life these days, and anyways...like most I found myself slowly progressing from a few Vicodin to either OC or Tar. Never IV but that doesn't matter, it's all the same. Anyways, I am one who doesn't like to be controlled by anything and I realized after time and trial/error that any form of opiate use leads only to one direction for me. A tendency to take too much, as it's the one substance I love and my will power won't limit me well enough. See, I admit it - I'm not all-powerful.

    When I had insurance, I used suboxone maintenance and kept my dosage to 4mg or less once I realized what was up. I slowly tapered down using Robert's methods and it was pretty solid. Then my life went to hell, and I eventually started fooling around again.

    This was years ago, and since then I unfortunately didn't have insurance so went on a self-maintenance plan. I'm older now (mid-upper 20's) and I have been doing quite well in a job for the past 2yrs, so that's great. I took last year to just get focus in my life, accomplish many needed things, and it was wonderful. The last monkey on my back: Subs. I slowly got my dose down to between .5mg-1mg/day but it wasn't as exact as I should have done. It was just too easy and painless to try and find more subs and feel fine - telling myself I'll keep tapering. Either way, it's still an accomplishment to change your life, lose touch with people who can influence you negatively (supply you or enable you) and to learn to live a life without using/craving.

    I'm no fool as I understand the sub is still an opiate, but I don't have any desire to use and I know what this all entails. I unfortunately don't find myself able to acquire anymore and have been ready to stop, so I'm just going to try and man up and get through this. I'm jumping off at probably .5mg-.75mg or so/day...which isn't ideal but that's fine.

    I know it will be a long journey, but that's fine. I met a girl I love, a beautiful Colombian girl and visited her in Miami recently and it was great. She's coming to visit in June (2 months or so) and I'm determined to be a better person and have this behind me. She can support me, although she won't know why I'm having a hard time. All the same, shes' relentlessly loving and positive and takes my mind off things so that's a blessing. She also gives me a focus and goal to stay the course. Things will be better and this Summer my dream girl will visit me and we'll enjoy life.

    Current Status:

    I'm a 1.25-1.5 yr user or so. Jumped off Monday at .5mg-.75mg and it's 50Hrs now or so. I felt on the first day W/D starting as I had my dose quite low. Sweats and lack of appetite, anxiety, RLS, muscle soreness, fatigue/maliase. I'm sure I don't even feel the worst of it yet though as sub is a long journey. Still, I don't have diahreah and it's not fun but I can do this.

    I will have to work, and my job can be grueling, but it's mostly over phone/email and I work by myself so I can look like ???? without my boss knowing. I can't miss work though.

    OTC Helpers: Ibuprofen, Immodium, L-Tyrosine, Water, Exercise, My Dog, My girl.

    Questions:

    1) What is a good way to find a doctor to perhaps provide a little assistance? If I can't, I won't give in but that'd be great help.
    -Clonidine
    -Clonazepam/Diazepam (limited amount for the worst times)
    -Seroquel/Ambien (Sleep obviously)

    Those are really all I had in mind and it seems to me a pretty reasonable request, but I've experienced physicians judging me as "typically another junkie", when I'm actually quite controlled, professional, mature, and focused on my goal. I don't have insurance but can I perhaps find a doctor? I live in a major big city in the South and Opiate Dependence is overwhelmingly common. I can afford $100-$200 most for a doctor if it's very helpful.

    Thoughts? We have Redi-Clinic at Supermarkets for $79 treating common ailments but I'm not sure they'd be comfortable prescribing much. Maybe?

    I'm looking for other docs, but with no insurance fear the price is too much or they won't help me - we'll see though. Perhaps with research I can find a doc that knows what's up. My last doc was cold blooded and didn't even answer my calls when I "painlessly jumped off at 2mg/day" and could have used a little help.

    2) Any other tips and/or advice? Anything to help with energy? If I can't get a good doc I can maybe procure a few helpers on the street but it's also pricey and I only have 1 contact who would only provide me in accordance that I was using them to be clean.

    I will say that I think people tend to build up an impossible mindset with overcoming Sub W/D. It sucks in a huge way. Huge. If your doc says it's nothing big, they are a real jerk. You need to know it will suck, but it's also a huge accomplishment and if it didn't suck - why would we ever not stop using? You would be surprised what you can accomplish if you truly believe. I mean, you have to tell yourself no matter what you can make it. This will not kill you, but it will suck. You will feel better eventually. After a point, every day you'll feel better and that positivity can help you make the full journey.

    Please share with me any and all advice, tips, experiences, etc.

    Thanks,

    KCWithHope

  2. #2
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    KC ..... sorry I missed your post earlier today. You won't get seroquel or any benzos from an urgent care cliniic or whatever you want to call them. If you go to your regular dr and tell them the truth they should help you for 30 days of detoxing. You're going to feel like hell jumping off cold I assure you. Not saying you won't be able to make it, but working will be tough without something to help. The seroquel is a good idea to help you sleep during this time, even if you get 100mg pills and cut them in half that should work. Then you'll be able to stretch them out. A small script of something like soma or a small dose of klonopin (like .5mg for a couple weeks even) will not hurt, just don't start taking them longer than that. The supplements and such you mentioned are all good. If you can't get any klonopin try some gava when you pick up the L-Tyrosine. Gava works pretty good for anxiety, but you are going to have body aches and feel like you weigh a ton for a while. And sleep will be tough if you don't get anything. Keep me posted and good luck. Hope this helps. God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  3. #3
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Phew! No doubt about that LOL I feel like a real rotten son of a ______ today and I know I've now entered the worst part. I'd say I jumped off at .75mg/day and in the past it was .125mg/day (was my major preference) when I jumped off. .125mg/day is quite manageable, although still uncomfortable. This is definitely worse and I've been on sub longer, but I'm making progress.

    I'm at 3.5Days now and phew that 3rd day things really do kick up a notch. I took advantage and ate a big 'ol burger last night and I had caught good sleep the past 2 days but was still feeling effects. Phew, last night I probably caught some type of sleep but it seemed like a never-ending loop of flip-flopping and lower back burning which would lead me to move from the Couch to the Bed and back again, neverending. Unfortunately, that's just the reality of this - so don't try to fight the sleep. You can't win, you'll just get stressed out. I think your body does get some type of rest, but it feels all very cloudy and it's hard to tell.

    I have been taking the Ibuprofen heavily and the L-Tyrosine (not sure what help?). At under .75mg/day Sub, I'd say Immodium should be quite effective at preventing "the runs". One thing we should keep in mind is our frame of reference: if you compare this to normal life - HOLY &@## Yes It Sucks!!!! If you compare it to a full-blown withdrawal from a hard-core opiate...this is clearly much more measured. There are times when you want to freak out, and I'm sure after days go on it drains you, but you do realize it's something you can do.

    I'll admit today it's been hard as hell to focus at work. I'm trying, but man it's tough. I'm hanging in here though and I still have my sense of humor. The sun sure does feel nice when walking outside. I thought it was funny how very seldomly you'll have these moments of clarity during your withdrawal. You feel bad, but for a moment it stops and you feel a sense of peace. Maybe it's because I know I'll be done with this in a matter of weeks and I'll finally have that last monkey off my back.

    I would urge you to taper low as possible, but I just couldn't find any subs. I've been ripped off once for $300 trying to get Subs and after that point I just told myself - this is too much. I can't live this way. I must stop. I would of liked to taper lower but once my last trusty hook-up was gone, I had to just make due and power through this. I know I can do it, so I will. It's like a competition of my will power. I do not lose. I am really pissed off, I'm not sure who at, but I'm kind of angry. I just don't have the energy to do much about it. Comedy is funny still, awesome dunks on Sportscenter are entertaining, and I don't have any sexual libido but I still have some nice day dreams of my Colombian girl in Miami.

    I think smoking some good reefer helps. I mean, I'm using it as medicine but that's up to you if you choose to do that. Ibuprofen + L-Tyrosine + Water + Snacks helps. I'll try some of the things you mentioned too Robert and I'll keep updating this as my progress goes along.

    Guys, this sucks and if you saw me - you'd know what was up soon. Other people must think I'm pretty sick but that's alright. I am not dieing. It's pretty miserable but the pain I feel is like a 4-5 maybe a 6.5 in my lower back (only). RLS isn't terrible. I broke my collar bone once and that was pain of a 8-8.5 consistently, just from breathing, and I can still eat and keep food down so really - this isn't the end of the world.

    Please, if someone would just hit me over the head with a giant shovel though that would be just fine. Maybe it would knock me out and I'd wake up and it's been a week.

    Hah, trying to stay positive. I look forward to Sunday when I'm approaching the week mark. Once I have any posititve feeling showing things are getting better - that's all I will need to sustain me.

    I must do this. If you can, please taper as low as possible. .125mg or lower is best, and it will take you a full year to do that and I'd recommend Robert's method. I just couldn't find any more Subs. I hope to maybe find a few Valium for the worst next few days...but we'll see.

  4. #4
    wineuptoy is offline New Member
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    Unhappy 5 days in w/d from hydrocodone BUT slipped

    Hi everyone Im new so I hope I dont mess up this post.I was taking hydros for 2 years about 10 a day of 750s.I weaned for a week then went cold turkey for 5 days now.But I slipped last night and took a tramadol just to get sleep.I only took one and dont have anymore.I feel good today but am I gonna w/d all over again from that one pill?HELP!!!

  5. #5
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    I do think it's weird how you feel quite disconnected and out of sorts physically. Body movements seem a bit delayed, it's annoying. Your mind will be very cloudy but at times you'll seem to be sharp and you feel...well I'd describe it thus far as a realness?

    Even despite the absolutely not fun withdrawal effects I'm enduring right this very moment, it is kind of neat feeling this clarity/peace. It's like I feel a little more real. Nothing feels restrained. Whether that's the pain I'm feeling or the light of the sun shining on my cheek outside.

    When you're flopping around, just get up and go for a walk or do something. You won't get comfortable, so you'll just have to mentally get used to moving around/flopping.

    Somas would be quite helpful for RLS/Lower Back. I may be able to get a few.

    Honestly, work is probably better because I have to focus. It sucks and I'd rather not work and I'm not being productive today but time goes by because you can't simply think of these W/D's all day. The less you focus on it, the better. You're fighting a battle against your willpower and time. You can win, but try to make the journey seem like a big fog that you'll come out of...don't count the seconds, but do find positive energy in each step of progress.

    Laugh. Laughing is good. When I need a cheer up, I look at this really sexy picture of the girl or my pictures from a California road trip. I look at a message she sends me telling me she loves me, etc. It soothes me, more than she'd ever know.

    I realize this is just beginning, but I'll post here regularly as I progress. You guys, it's not fun but you can do this. The Sub did allow me to totally change my life. I just wish I had health insurance =/ I work very hard and deserve it, but that's fine. I have to make due. People in Africa or Syria are being murdered by their government and terrible diseases and are glad just to live to 30. It could be worse.

    When I get through this, I'll always have it in me. I'll remember I made myself get through pain and suffering, and I'm strong. I will be a better person. This will not kill me. Repeat, this will not kill me. I will be a better person.

    Just go with it, that's the best mental approach.

    KC

  6. #6
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    my friend, typically you may experience some w/d but if it was truly just one pill you may not. it won't be the full blown long length of withdrawl, but i think for all of us...we have to realize we can't control opiates ourselves. it's an addiction, and we may not be addicts but we are clearly chemical dependent.

    that is tough for chronic pain patients, and i truly feel for you guys. still, opiates ultimately lead to the same path. dependence, loss of money/hope, feeling of being stuck and powerless, and then withdrawal and there's no way to avoid withdrawal. you can taper down using Robert's method and it's highly manageable but we can't avoid W/D if we lose ourselves with opiates.

    you will be fine my friend, don't fear it. you can do this! i'll be checking in, just let me know if I can help and find motivation with me. trust me, i'm being highly positive in a bad spot because being negative will not help me.

  7. #7
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Here, check out these videos for laughs!

    Aziz Ansari - Harris : http://youtu.be/OyOPk4E0-ow

    Aziz Ansari - Threat Count : http://youtu.be/Tkj4oTJYSaY

    Bo Burnham - My Whole Family (Thinks I'm Gay) : http://youtu.be/LZoO8LyizLA

    Richard Pryor - Star Wars Bar : http://youtu.be/0kJkhEcQ44k

    Greg Giraldo Comedy Central Roasts : http://youtu.be/F6nt9DBbSTc

    Beatles - Can't Buy Me Love (1964 Recording) : http://youtu.be/SMwZsFKIXa8

    Beatles - Let It Be : http://youtu.be/kEogJacjLTE

    Beatles - Twist And Shout : http://youtu.be/pVlr4g5-r18

    The Beatles are great!! You have to love the Beatles
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  8. #8
    dago77 is offline Senior Member
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    Kc, I just posted to you on the other thread with Tad.

    Your doing good man. It might get even worse before it gets better. The fastest way out is to just keep going forward buddy.

    Taking any opiate will just stop the clock for a few hours. You don't get to add those hours to your time though. That's what it takes is time.

    You have a good attitutude and you will make it!

    I'll watch for your posts over the next few days.

    Keep moving forward!

  9. #9
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    This sucks in a big way! But, I'm not dieing. I managed to eat quite a bit last night...started slow and had to force it down, then had some veggies, then some mac and cheese, then kept eating while I was on a roll. The backpain/flip-flopping is the most annoying to me. Stomach issues aren't that bad actually and you aren't on the toilet all day which is nice. Work is annoying obviously but it's Friday!

    Phew this is not cool but I'm hanging in there, I'll be back later but just wanted to let you guys know I'm still here and I hope you're all hanging in there too.

    I'm at Day 4.5 so there's plenty of way to go, but I'll try to think of it as being halfway past the worst of it. I believe after Day 9-10 I'll start noticing small improvements.

  10. #10
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Hey guys or Robert, whoever really - what do you recommend I do here? I will not let my will be broken, although this surely is a battle. It's just a struggle though, this isn't like a life or death battle. I must win though. I have to. My life can be so good if I can just get past this. I am doing this for me, but it's nice I finally found someone I truly love and although she doesn't know what I'm going through she's supportive from a distance and her visit in June gives me a goal to be ready to see her and be the best I can be.

    I haven't had health insurance in years so I really haven't been going to a doctor. My old Suboxone doc was not a good person or just terribly ignorant, so I lost touch years ago. Sadly, I had to go on a course of Suboxone from the streets...but it was much better than using drugs. It did work well and over time I matured and changed my life, and I kept my dose never more than 2mg at start, quickly down to 1mg, and then hovering between .5mg-1mg. Obviously, I would much rather taper down to .125mg but I just don't seem to be able to find any Sub now. I was ripped off by some guy for quite a bit of money in the past for Sub and it just really showed me why I need to end that life. He knew damn well why I needed it, that I have the best of intentions, and that I really wasn't in a spot (right before Christmas) to have hundreds of dollars stolen and no Sub. Yeah, that sucked...but he must have really needed that money.

    So...anyways, I don't really have a Primary Care Physician. I just go to what we call "Redi-Clinic" at a local Supermarket, and they provide great Routine Healthcare for Common Illnesses for $79.99 - since I have no insurance. I do have some money I can spend.

    Should I just try to find a doctor in the area and call to see if they can assist me and inform them I am detoxing from Suboxone? I just think getting some medical assistance in the form of Sleep Aid, Short-Term Benzo, and perhaps Clonidine might really benefit me. My parents have a few Somas and I don't want to do this now - but I have to visit them Saturday or Sunday for the day. I'll just let them know I'm feeling sick after traveling so much and I may grab a few Somas while there to assist w/ RLS/Back Pain. I will not allow my will to be broken, but the length of the Suboxone journey certainly will wear down even the most hardened of hearts.

    I don't feel the request is out of the norm at all, and I have no interest in abusing Benzo's nor have I ever taken them except rarely...I just surely could use something to help make the time pass/take my mind off it.

    Do you think the Redi-Clinic could help me? Hmm...just trying to figure out best way to find a doctor that will actually help.

    Please guys, if you're planning to detox off Suboxone or you are going through it - heed Robert's advice. Years ago when I was able to taper down to .125mg or so, that was honestly not so bad jumping off. It was uncomfortable, but I hung out with my girlfriend all week and got through it really. This is rougher jumping off at .75mg or so. I'd like to never see anyone jump off above .5mg and preferably .25mg or less. It is rougher, but I mean I am at work and I'm not being totally worthless (although definitely glad I don't have to meet any clients) and I guarantee if you're kicking a hard opiate you WILL NOT BE AT WORK! You will probably be throwing up, and I almost never hear of people throwing up on Sub less than 1mg so it's not THAT BAD! Frame of reference my people.
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  11. #11
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by KCWithHope View Post
    Hey guys or Robert, whoever really - what do you recommend I do here? I will not let my will be broken, although this surely is a battle. It's just a struggle though, this isn't like a life or death battle. I must win though. I have to. My life can be so good if I can just get past this. I am doing this for me, but it's nice I finally found someone I truly love and although she doesn't know what I'm going through she's supportive from a distance and her visit in June gives me a goal to be ready to see her and be the best I can be.

    I haven't had health insurance in years so I really haven't been going to a doctor. My old Suboxone doc was not a good person or just terribly ignorant, so I lost touch years ago. Sadly, I had to go on a course of Suboxone from the streets...but it was much better than using drugs. It did work well and over time I matured and changed my life, and I kept my dose never more than 2mg at start, quickly down to 1mg, and then hovering between .5mg-1mg. Obviously, I would much rather taper down to .125mg but I just don't seem to be able to find any Sub now. I was ripped off by some guy for quite a bit of money in the past for Sub and it just really showed me why I need to end that life. He knew damn well why I needed it, that I have the best of intentions, and that I really wasn't in a spot (right before Christmas) to have hundreds of dollars stolen and no Sub. Yeah, that sucked...but he must have really needed that money.

    So...anyways, I don't really have a Primary Care Physician. I just go to what we call "Redi-Clinic" at a local Supermarket, and they provide great Routine Healthcare for Common Illnesses for $79.99 - since I have no insurance. I do have some money I can spend.

    Should I just try to find a doctor in the area and call to see if they can assist me and inform them I am detoxing from Suboxone? I just think getting some medical assistance in the form of Sleep Aid, Short-Term Benzo, and perhaps Clonidine might really benefit me. My parents have a few Somas and I don't want to do this now - but I have to visit them Saturday or Sunday for the day. I'll just let them know I'm feeling sick after traveling so much and I may grab a few Somas while there to assist w/ RLS/Back Pain. I will not allow my will to be broken, but the length of the Suboxone journey certainly will wear down even the most hardened of hearts.

    I don't feel the request is out of the norm at all, and I have no interest in abusing Benzo's nor have I ever taken them except rarely...I just surely could use something to help make the time pass/take my mind off it.

    Do you think the Redi-Clinic could help me? Hmm...just trying to figure out best way to find a doctor that will actually help.

    Please guys, if you're planning to detox off Suboxone or you are going through it - heed Robert's advice. Years ago when I was able to taper down to .125mg or so, that was honestly not so bad jumping off. It was uncomfortable, but I hung out with my girlfriend all week and got through it really. This is rougher jumping off at .75mg or so. I'd like to never see anyone jump off above .5mg and preferably .25mg or less. It is rougher, but I mean I am at work and I'm not being totally worthless (although definitely glad I don't have to meet any clients) and I guarantee if you're kicking a hard opiate you WILL NOT BE AT WORK! You will probably be throwing up, and I almost never hear of people throwing up on Sub less than 1mg so it's not THAT BAD! Frame of reference my people.
    KC, robert should be able to help. I know so little about subs, other than I never want one again, I am reluctant to offer any suggestions. Robert should be on a little later( I hope) Please understand my reluctance here do not want to give you misinformation, or mislead God bless

  12. #12
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Well, the typical "Redi-Clinic" or Walk-In Clinics seem to not be willing to treat you for suboxone withdrawl. I believe if I went to the ER they'd treat me, but that's fairly expensive.

    I was able to make an appointment for tomorrow morning with a doctor I saw many years ago. He's a very good guy, and apparently has expertise with Suboxone. He was very reasonable when I saw him last, so I hope he's willing to help me while I'm going OFF it instead of trying to sucker me into more maintenance.

    Well, I frankly don't have the money for maintenance anyways so I'll just be up front about that with him.

    I will let you guys know how it goes. I just want to receive Clonidine, Klonopin or Valium, and something for sleeping. It's early tomorrow morning...

  13. #13
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    At the Walk-In Clinic...at least this guy clearly could understand. I almost think he was an opiate addict himself or went through Sub withdrawal, that or he had a close friend/partner that did.

    He felt really bad but said the doctor probably wouldn't be able to treat me, and told me I'd need to go to a Substance Abuse Clinic. He came out though and gave me a pep talk kind of and shook my hand in a way that I could tell he really wanted me to make it.

    I sure wish they could have just helped me. I only want to treat these symptoms so I can make it as painless as possible. There will be plenty of suffering, but it just seems cold to not even be willing to treat me or hear me out. Thankfully my old trustworthy doc is available tomm morning, even if I have to drive ungodly far to see him.

    It will be worth it. I'll keep telling myself that.

  14. #14
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Hey guys, still hanging in there...Been off the Sub since Monday and it's Sunday night so I'm coming up on a week. It's definitely rough but it's still not the end of the world. It grates at you and wears you down, and the lack of sleep/lack of appetite are really what make it hard I think. The flip-flopping/back pain wear you down also and make it hard to stay positive. You feel out of sorts and awkward, and blurred vision, so it's hard to really get out and be social at all during the first part anyways.

    The doc I was going to see didn't make it in Saturday, so I've just been going w/ Naproxen, L-Tyrosine, and Melatonin/Unisom for sleep (doesn't really work).

    I'm debating at this point if it's worth seeing the doc Monday or not. $120 Visit and my plan would just be to get Clonidine + Valium or Klonopin but perhaps at this point I should just try and make it through. $120 Visit + Prescriptions is a bit and I'm not sure how much he will help. Hmm...well stay strong my friends. I feel very dull and lack any type of motivation/energy/positivity now but I know this is the right thing and if I make it another week I'll be so much better. I hope to notice some small progress as this week goes and I'll report back accordingly.

    This can be done if you're tapered below 1mg, but you have to literally have NO OTHER OPTIONS EXCEPT QUITTING. If not, you'll obsess over finding opiates or more Sub and drive yourself crazy or fall back into it. You can do it if you really want. Good luck my friends...good luck, I'm rooting for all of you.

  15. #15
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    things will improve over the next few days.. robert told you they wouldnt treat you at a walk in clinic in his first post.... after about a week of no sleep i went to my doc and got something to help with that... thats all i needed....

    you are gettin there. just keep going...

  16. #16
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Yeah, it's going. Day 7 now and It seems maybe things feel a little less worse, or at least earlier for a while I felt noticeably better. Back pain is there but I think I'll actually be a little less worthless at work this week. I think towards the end of this week I should probably start feeling better. I'm aiming to go hang out with friends Friday and Saturday so that'll be a big positive if I can handle that.

    I'll make it. I'm far enough now, to give up would be foolish. I didn't go through 7 days for nothing, that's for sure!

  17. #17
    super_mom is offline Junior Member
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    I wish I had something wise to say, but I didn't want to read and not respond because I am very interested in your posts. You sound very strong and I know that you're struggling, we all seem to so much, particularly since most of us started using opiates quite innocently, but I know people who never get clean and it kills them. Killed my aunt October 2011. We can't let that happen.

  18. #18
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you! I've lost...oh boy at least 5 or 6 friends from my small suburban town due to opiates and pills. I think I am strong, but I wasn't always that way either. It took me a good while of being on sub, getting off sub in the past per Robert's taper method, then falling back into opiates when my life cratered. From that I learned, for me - if I ever take an opiate again, it will lead to bad places.

    My mindset has changed, but I just don't have any options. I have to do this! Before Christmas, someone robbed me for over $300 when I was trying to obtain suboxone to continue my taper. That was all I needed. I'll make it. My buddy is at 3 weeks and he was heavier than me, and he genuinely feels much better. No stomach issues, he's solid. I am looking forward to Friday!

    It's therapeutic for me to write, especially as a break from work, and I want other people to know they can do this too. I'm just your typical suburban kid who got a little lost in something he had no clue would lead to these problems - but if I don't do this now...when? I can be better for the Summer! Thanks again and I'll continue to report in for the next 2 months...

  19. #19
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Howdy folks, well it's now at day 8-8.5 from no Sub. I think it's not so bad actually for me. I never was on more than 4mg Sub and quickly did get my dose down to 1mg and then before I jumped off was at .5-.75mg for 2 weeks.

    I got to sleep around 3:15AM w/ Melatonin and 1 Unisom. I had 2 glasses of wine and smoked some reallllly good mary jane to be honest. Alcohol in excess doesn't help, but this was a nice mix to relax.

    I don't feel crushing pains today, I feel a little less heavy, a little more energy, much more clear-headed and my nose isn't running nor have my eyes watered/teared up in over 24 hours. I haven't taken any medicine and haven't really had any stomach issues. I'm not sure if it's because I smoked such strong herb or what, but I honestly ate a ton last night! I couldn't eat during the day but I ate too much! I was being a fatty haha but I feel like when I can eat - I try to eat as much as possible. Keeping food in you and as much sleep as possible are the best things to help. I don't want to lose weight as I'm skinny enough.

    I'm 26 yo male 6'0" 160lbs and I run distance with my dog daily and am in pretty good shape. Faster than average metabolism. Perhaps this is helping. Anyways, I see some improvement by this point. I feel about 72% today. It may feel worse later.

    You guys can do this. I never found any benzos or comfort medicine besides 4 Somas and 3 Flexeril which I took for the back pain/leg spasms. It's not so bad if you've been on Sub at a dose of 2-4mg or less for 1-2yrs. You could do it, for sure.

    Thanks!

  20. #20
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Another Note: Today would be the first day I'd wager I could act relatively "normal" and no one would notice otherwise. I'd actually consider meeting up with friends today or tomorrow but will probably opt more for a long run with the dog and/or hit the weights.

    I was definitely relieved to wake up and feel this way, as it's nice to be able to actually sit in one spot for a while without moving every 5-10 minutes. It will feel at times like, AHHHH STOP FREAKING HURTING! (your back/bones) Eventually though you will get a few hours of sleep even though it feels like a dream. When you wake up, after a while the pain is lessened. I'll definitely make it out of the woods this time.
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  21. #21
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    -Day 9 from Jump Off at .75mg after 1yr solid use, 1.5-2yr opiate dependent. Sub dose never above 4mg, mostly 1-2mg or less. 26-yo male, good shape, fast metabolism-

    Last night I got to sleep around 3AM with 2 Melatonin, but all things considered that's pretty solid. Didn't even take any hard sleeping pills and I slept soundly. I was very tired when I woke up and have had a headache, but I just feel like say I have a cold that's lingering. Like a hangover headache. I wouldn't ever miss work for feeling this way, although I'm certainly only at 70%-80% at work. I'm lacking in the motivation, but my energy is better still than the first week. It's like the lead suit feeling has subsided 50%. I went for a run with my dog last night, and I got tired much quicker but I was actually able to get some solid distance. I nearly passed out after, but that felt good. My stomach has discomfort but my appetite is pretty much normal and I've even eaten excessively at times. Again, no big deals.

    To compare/contrast - The first week I looked, acted like, and felt exactly like the stereotypical personal withdrawling from opiates. Blurry vision, I did not feel good at all, it was pretty hellish but only level 5-6 at most. It was like the flu, except you can't get comfortable. Phew, but after 7 solid days I noticed small improvements and it's continued.

    I'm so excited and although I still feel only 70%-80% -- when I'm happy, I am happier than I've been in some time.

    I bet after this week is over, I feel damn near 90%. I think I benefited from the fact that I've done this once before and I didn't forget W/D from Oxy. I have a super high metabolism and am 26yr male in good shape. I also just didn't have a choice. I have wanted this so long.

  22. #22
    KCWithHope is offline Junior Member
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    Day 12 - Jumped off .75mg Monday 03/19 after 1yr steady use / 1.5yr opiate dependent. Previous max was 80mg OC/day or 80mg-100mg Hydro/day. Sub dose max 2mg and tapered down quickly to 1mg then ~ .75mg.

    So today is Day 12 and I honestly feel so much better. There's some effects of w/d still I suppose, but to me it's just in the background now. It doesn't effect my day really and I don't even think about it hardly at all anymore.

    I actually went out for the first time last night and met friends, I felt totally normal finally. It was great! I do sneeze occassionally but it's rare. My nose runs a bit more, and I have a slight headache and slight back ache perhaps but if I don't think of it I don't even notice it. I put in a great day at work yesterday and actually had a lunch meeting with a client today. Trust me, Days 1-7 I would not have wanted to do a client meeting! I am fine now though.

    I also feel happy! I don't feel this depression or lingering sadness. I'm freaking happy as hell because I'll never have to do this again if I just live my life the way I should and want to live it! It's behind me! Work is going well and I think I'm going to be able to take this vacation I've always wanted this Summer. I'm so excited, but I know that you can never forget this. I have to remember if I ever decided to be stupid, it will always lead back here. I know that, without fail, I am not someone who can responsibly handle even dabbling with opiates. I just enjoy it too much. So, for me it's just best to say no.

    I know the w/d can probably be worse for people who are older or with a much longer/heavier opiate history, but still trust me I was dreading this forever and it wasn't that bad. I made it clear with work and I only feel better and better every day. I can sleep now, although not perfectly. That's fine though! I don't feel like a walking trainwreck anymore, I feel like myself. A normal person. I'll feel even better too in a week! Hell yes!

    If you guys have any questions please let me know. I'll continue to update as I progress, but at this point it's just like perhaps I had a cold and it's cleared up but I have a few lingering effects - but I'll be out on the town tonight and a pool party tomorrow. Life is back. I am back.

    You can do it too. You just have to literally convince yourself the only option is to quit. Take it slow and taper it down low, but when you're ready you can do it. I think it was better this time because I just had no choice and I don't even know people anymore who supply opiates. I lost touch with that lifestyle by making a concious effort to only include positive people in my life and I cut ties with the people who would influence me negatively. So even when it sucked, I just knew I had to keep going and eventually after Day 9-10 it's much better. Today I'm like 85% normal, but my mindset is so happy and upbeat! THIS MONKEY IS OFF MY BACK!!!! I have wanted this for so long! Years!!! I was on Sub 3-4yrs ago for 1yr also and quit but over time came back to it. This time, I am done. NEVER AGAIN!
    Last edited by KCWithHope; 03-30-2012 at 02:19 PM.
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