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the suboxone diaries. a day to day account for those quitting suboxone.
  1. #1
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    Default the suboxone diaries. a day to day account for those quitting suboxone.

    hey all,

    i have read a million forums and i have been thru quite a bit at the age of 32. i want to be kind of short and brief as far as my past with painkillers and what not so we can get to the reason you are all here, which is to see EXACTLY what most of you will go through. (now take this in account, everyone is has different chemical makeup and has different scenarios leading up to this point so you will be able to get a broad idea regardless)

    i was using oxy's for 5 years. after getting a record deal torn from underneath me and the other 3 members of my old band because me and my guitarist were on this binge we finally realized what got us to that point and that is when i went off the deep end. its the typical story.... emptied accounts, starting selling everything, stole from friends, stole from parents, begged girlfriend to help til she left me, hit ROCK BOTTOM, checked myself into rehab, went through the 5 day process, made it to day 12, i wasnt ready to quit so i went on for another year and then finally.... finally! I HIT THE ULTIMATE POINT. ROCK BOTTOM!!! there was some time leading up to this where i just let it build and build until i said "thats it!." i heard from friends that were already on the drug suboxone that it was probably the best way to go as far as truly getting off these evil ass drugs. but realize when i say that. i am a hypocrit. because as we all know, misery loves company and i have brought a few people down the road that never should have even been introduced to it. im ashamed of myself for ruining others lives in that way.

    so there i was it was december 13th of 2006. i was all alone with my dog in the apartment that i was barely holding onto. i was thinking to myself..... are you going to go through another christmas with family getting high in the bathroom cuz your feeling sick at chrismas in your own families house and act like nothing is wrong.... AGAIN! but the answer was NO. it took me a day to find suboxone on the street... i never went to a doctor and i never slipped up past this point. not once.

    the morning of december 15th was rough. at the time i was on 3 to 4 80milligram tabs of Oxys. i crushed them and snorted them from like the 2nd month on. so on the morning i started subs i had waited 17 hours of the 24 that i was told to wait. I COULDNT WAIT NO MORE. i was FREAKING OUT. not knowing what to expect or how much to actually take. i was told less is more which in the beginning is hard to understand when you feel like you are HELL! now in no way am i telling any of you this is what you should take. but on the first day i took 3/8mg suboxone and i was still not good. my blood pressure was super low and i felt real bad. The 2nd day i took 4/8mg tabs, the 3rd day 2 1/2 and then on from there it was a "as need" basis....

    i was on subs for just about 5 months.... i weened myself down doing it on a weekly break down. when i went from 4 mg to 3.5 i took it for a week. when i went from 3.5 to 3 i took it for 2 weeks. i was pushing myself but also being realistic not to go to fast. in the last month i went from 1.75mg to 1 mg and that finally brings me to this past sunday night. the day i planned to quit.

    during this entire process i tried to exercise as much as possible. i figured out that when i exercised i didnt feel the little tiny cloud that subs make you feel when you take them. i know most people say that you feel completely normal but the truth is. suboxone has an opiate in it. buprenorphene is the main ingredient along with naltexone which is a opiate blocker. now understand that buprenorphene isnt as powerful as full antagonist drugs oxycontin or methadone. (and one side note for those of you that havent realized this yet.... methadone is just as bad if not worse than oxycontin, its a government created drug that has made it possible for junkies to go to a clinic to get their fix everyday instead of the street. if the govt was smart they create more and more suboxone clinics and obviate the need for methadone all together, the reason that hasnt happened yet is because the government makes ALOT of money on methadone, while suboxone is not a govt created drug) suboxone is considered a partial antagonist and is truly less addictive and has much less withdrawl than quitting oxys or methadone.

    so sunday night at 11:30 pm i took .5mg of sub to get a good night sleep and off i went.....

    day 1

    monday wasnt too bad. but for some it will be worse depending on your ability to deal with the symptoms. what it felt like today was the feeling it feels like when you havent had drugs for about 12 hours..... you get the yawning thing. the need to stretch out alot. small aches and pains. warms and cold flashes nothing too bad. though it is plenty to annoy the hell out of you. i took my dog for a walk at about 7pm and it was really good to get out and walk. the more you do the more you keep your mind off it. if you have someone you can talk to, talk to them. do anything to keep your mind off it. i keep thinking to myself "this is the last time you are ever going to have to though this, EVER" and that is my outlook whenever things gets bad. i watched TV but it was hard to sit still for a long time. thats just me though i think. im a baby.its now 2:30 in the morning and i am going to try to get some sleep. i did absolutely NOTHING today, drugwise. and for the first time in years that sounds really good to me. by the way. alot of people say they take things to help them through. i am going clean as possible without asprin or any kind of blood pressure meds... we'll see how it goes. until tomarrow everyone. im out.

    todays pain and annoying factors on a scale of 1 to 10= 6

    goodnight to all of you that CAN sleep
    Last edited by ddcmod; 03-20-2011 at 10:52 PM.

  2. #2
    Lawndale N. C. is offline New Member
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    Default I Agree

    Hi, I totally agree with going cold turkery. I did not take Subox or antidepressants or anything. Went cold turkey last Wednesday 06/06/07 and it has been hell. I still feel like death. I hope you feel better on day #2. Hang in there it gets better.

  3. #3
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    I took my last 1 mg. of sub yeserday. That was my last sub, too. please keep posted how you are feeling. my doc is moving this week to another state. So, he wanted to wean me off before he went. I'm getting the hot and cold, and the leg aches. Other than that, I feel very lazy.

  4. #4
    Dave87666 is offline Member
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    Hey Noteverlookingback--Nice post and its great that you plan on keeping a day to day update on this and how you're feeling..If you feel that you need to take alittle more suboxone at some point then go for it,its only going to help you feel better,and get through this more comfortable...I was wondering why you havent gone to a Dr. for suboxone,and what kind of prices did/do you have to pay on the street? I am going on like 5 months clean from >>>>>> due to suboxone,and I am happier then I thought that I'd be...You hang in there! You can do it!

  5. #5
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    Default DAY 2 of the Suboxone Diaries...

    hey all

    thanks for your comments and support. let start by answering dave. on the street here you can get subs pretty much anywhere, there are alot, so over all it is much cheaper and alot less work then going to a doc. though i dont recommend that for most people. i happen to be around it for a while before going on them. anyway they cost around $5 to $8 round here... at first they were $10 to $15.

    DAY 2

    so last night i typed my post and sent it at 2:35am and now it is 7pm. last night was pretty bad. i had the "crawling in your skin" feeling for much of the night until about 6 in the morning then it subsided. i actually slept on and off from 7 to 12 waking up every hour or so. my skin felt hot and it was very annoying. i kept stretching and yawning and literally felt like sh*t. between the hours of 3 and 6 i took 3 showers just to get my mind off stuff. i know that sounds retarded but at that time of the morning i couldnt think of anything that made the feeling go away except for water running over my skin. it worked for me. 30 minutes each. at 6 in the morning i looked like a prune. but whatever it takes right? like i said my motto is "this is the last time i will ever go through this again." todaywhen i finally got up from my twisting and turning after getting little sleep i took another 2 showers, fed the dog and felt very weak. VERY WEAK. no diarrhea yet. though i have been going to the bathroom much more and my stomach has turned quite a bit. i feel quezzy then i just think of other things and eventually it goes away. the mind is a powerful thing and i keep saying to myself "just do it and quit whining to yourself." i mean, i did this to myself in the first place right? we all had our fun and now its time to pay for it. though i havent had fun for along time and this isnt worth the little fun i had. this has got to be what hell is like. i swear. one important note to all of thinking that this is worse or just as bad quitting your drug of choice. its not nearly that bad. trust me. today i force myself to do 2 things physically... one is take the dog for a walk and earlier this afternoon i went to hit golf balls. YES IT HURT. and yes i was super exhausted. but i did it and it kept my mind busy for about an hour, which is good. i have been drinking alot of gatorade for electrolites. and i ate some soup, though i have no appetitie right now.

    i will try to come back later tonight. thanks again for all your comments and if any of you have any questions, feel free to ask. i want this to help anyone wondering what they are going to go through. its the real deal people. but once its over, its over.

    talk soon, stay strong.

  6. #6
    Dave87666 is offline Member
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    Just take tylenol PM for sleep,and keep yourself with plenty of fluid...Trust me I know what you're going through I tried to kick >>>>>> soooo many times so I REALLY know your pain!

  7. #7
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    Default DAY 3 of the Suboxone Diaries

    hey all,

    DAY 3 morning

    well its 8:16 am here and i joke woke up from the twist and turn sleep ethic i have grown used to the past 2 nights. i did get a little sleep but it was another night of "crawling in my skin" during the middle of the night i finally took 5mg of diazapam to calm my blood pressure. though it doesnt help anything i am going through on the painkiller end. it helps settle my blood pressure and calm me down a tad. i am going to try to run on the treadmill today. this is something that i havent been doing this whole month leading up to quitting and im hoping that it helps me get over this quicker. right now i feel REALLY weak and i am having a few feelings of hot skin and slight crawling feeling. not too bad though. all i keep thinking is im a day closer to the end. man i cant wait. nothing will stop me regardless of the circumstances. i will deal with it no matter what. did notice its harder to see in the bright sun today. my eyes are having trouble adjusting. ill be back later and tell you how the day went.

    talk soon

  8. #8
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    I really feel for you! today, i feel pretty good. so, the weaning my doc did was pretty accurate. i don't think i could do as well as you. that's why i kept using. i just graduated from my intensive outpatient pragram. i will continue to go to after care and do my meetings. almost forgot, doc gave me trazadone for sleeping. that does work well. best wishes to you.

  9. #9
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    Default DAY 3 of the Suboxone Diaries Part 2

    hey all

    DAY 3 PART 2

    ok ok... today was kind of bizarre. in the morning i was very optimistic and like i said i tried to run on the treadmill. I DID IT! and it felt amazing when i was done. i walked at a fast pace for 1/4 of a mile. ran for 1/2 mile then walked another 1/2 mile. the crazy thing wasnt the fact that i was so exhausted. it was the fact that my lungs were taking in so much more air. it was like "whoa" when i was done. like i said before i was running on the treadmill the last month and a half and i was at the point before quitting sunday that i was running a mile 4 to 5 times a week. im sure this is playing a part in my recovery but im not exactly sure where.

    i did alot of things outside today though i was still feeling like junk. this is the deal people. you can either sit inside and rot and be pissed at the world of you can go and do stuff and work through this. its all about passing the time. i had to force myself to eat at 6pm. i didnt eat all day until then. i had diarrhea today and it was like water and bile. sorry for being so descriptive but i want you all to know the truth. so overall today seemed much like yesterday but not quite as bad. this is such a weird transition i swear. i smell better, hear better, taste better and all around everything is changing. one other thing i noticed today was the fact my pupils were way bigger than i had seen them in so long. i was looking at myself in the mirror and at first i could notice hat was different til i seen my pupils. that is something you cant get away from when you are drugs like these no matter what. its the key to anyone wondering if you are. so yeah i was tired yet again but not as tired as yesterday. its kind of like a rollercoaster in turns of the ups and downs of feeling somewhat human and like a piece of sh*t. to all of you considering this. JUST DO IT! it gets better and though you sit there and think "IS THIS EVER GOING TO END" it will and then like i said many times before in this diary "its the last time you will ever have to go through this." i will never f*ck with that sh*t again. i hate it for making me like this. i havent had any cravings because im done with it. i have pains and one major grudge with myself for being so dumb in the first place. cuz whatever the reason for you are that stuff oxys, percs, >>>>>>... realize you are going to pay and pay big and you can save alot of people with the knowledge you have. even if you save one person from going down this road think of how lucky person is because of you. i WISH i had a person that did that for me. i truly had no clue til the first time i went into withdrawl how bad it was going to be and at that point you are so in shock you dont quit because your scared. so tonight will be the end of day 3 (thank god). tomarrow i will try to do much more and work it out of my system through the liquids and exercise and stretching. stretching helps alot. so overall today kind of sucked but time went by pretty fast with all i did. stomach is mess. and i honestly felt better today than yesterday.

    until tomarrow my friends

    from the land of the misfortunate i bid you farwell to then.....

  10. #10
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    ps bkfizz did you say you have kept taking subs? or are you still going through this with me?

  11. #11
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    your question to me made me cry!! You and the 2 Dave's (on here) have kept me going!!! I am still sub free. yesterday I felt dippy. My 2 daughters graduated high school on sun. so, i have had company and more company. my sister left today. My family is behind me totally (thank God). I have been very,very tired with diarrhea, some restless legs, and no appetite. Your words are such an encouragement to me. thank you
    Last edited by bkfizz; 06-14-2007 at 02:13 PM.

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    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    one more thing. i have been taking walks with my husband. tonight i can either go to aftercare program or take a 6 mi. walk. it's honestly a hard one to decide. but, i think the walk will win out, with a meeting in the morning. these w/ds are nothing like coming off all the other opiates, tho. Peace to you
    Last edited by bkfizz; 06-14-2007 at 02:30 PM.

  13. #13
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    Default DAY 4 of the Suboxone Diaries



    DAY 4

    first off to bkfizz... listen to me and listen good. you are helping me too. it is so much more comforting to think im not doing this alone. we are in hell right now, yes. but we are almost done. you have more than yourself to do this for which makes me respect you even more for your strength. your kids, your husband all want you back and most importantly you want yourself back. its stuff like this that i think all day. if we can get through this, we can get through ANYTHING the world can throw at us. seriously... no break up with a girl, no loss of a job, no accident where you get hurt is worse. nothing coudl stop us. its because it just grinds on you and grinds on you and ill say it again because you know what i am saying when it GRINDS ON YOU!!! its so long and so bad. but the way i am seeing this is that we are almost int he clear. 2 of my other friends have said the worst has already come and though tomarrow we wont wake up and be completely good it will be better than today. its so hard for me to keep typing this because i feel so bad right now. im so depleted of energy. today was the normal grind. hard to sit still but i forced myself to do something. make sure you exercise like you said bk. it helps so much. i have to go but i will be on here early tomarrow morning. STAY STRONG... IM RIGHT HERE WITH YOU!

    bye

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    ranger18 is offline New Member
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    thanks for info GOOD LUCK N E L BACK YOUR HELPING ME MIAMI

  15. #15
    ranger18 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ranger18 View Post
    thanks for info GOOD LUCK N E L BACK YOUR HELPING ME MIAMI
    THAT WAS For 1st post been readingand boy it helps

  16. #16
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    Default DAY 5 of the Suboxone Diaries...

    hey all

    DAY 5

    its 7am here and for the first time today i feel somewhat human again. im not in the clear by any means but i am totally better than yesterday. maybe its an upswing or maybe i am finally on the better end of the worst. last nigth i slept a little longer too. im sure the exercise has been working me towards this faster. in fact im almost certain it has. my right leg is kind of hurting right now for some reason but outside that i feel a little weak and much better than yesterday. lets pray its leaving. last night i made a promise to my maker that i wouldnt be so dumb in the future and i will not go back to such a thing ever. so regardless of how you feel i think prayer is a good thing. we will see how today goes... im going to try to get alot done and get outside or run on the treadmill today again. stay strong you guys. its getting better... ill be on later tonight with an update from today. take care.

  17. #17
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    Hi! we are really in here for a reason, aren't we? thanks for you. today i am better. no energy at all. i made myself go grocery shopping. while using, i made my daughter go for me. i am home and i feel like doing something!! My youngest (18) and i are going to clean house and do laundry. Everyday is getting better. hoping for another 6 mile walk tonight. This is the most i have done since quitting sub!! peace

  18. #18
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    Ranger, keep reading NELB, what an inspiration!!

  19. #19
    ranger18 is offline New Member
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    Default Suboxone Question

    Does anybody know what Suboxone shows up as in a urine test? How long it stays in system? can't loose job.....thanks

  20. #20
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    when i was tested in my intensive outpatient program, it did not show up. they knew i was on sub from another doc. one of the daves will probably know the answer.
    just got back from a 3 mile walk. tonight i have no energy. i could not go my 6 miles. i refilled my effexor and on the add on paper, it advertised ultram er,or something like that.thank God i am clean. i'd have taken that,too.

  21. #21
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Keep up with the exercise guys it's probably the best thing you can do right now.Remember to drink lots of gatorade and eat high protien foods for a couple months. This all helps to promote endorphin production.Hang in there you're all doing great......Dave

  22. #22
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    today i feel a little better. am trying to eat eggs for protein. when are the legs going to stop hurting?

  23. #23
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    Default DAY 6 of the Suboxone Diaries...

    whew......................

    Day 6

    alright check this out everyone. this is the first thing i am going to say to ANYONE getting off suboxone. for a least a month before you quit it EXERCISE your ass off. reason being is this. yesterday afternoon it all came to a pretty big end as far as all my symptoms. no more crawling in the skin feeling, no more problems just sitting around. sure i am still a tad weak but yesterday (day 5) after posting. i ran on the treadmill and played 9 holes of golf. when i got home i felt like i was going to hit the floor if i took another step. i was soooooooooooooo tired. but i slept relatively good. i have been drinking alot of that new drink that is out you can find at GNC's or nutritional stores or even grocery stores its called "NAKED" and they have several flavors but i have been slamming 3 of the pineapple shakes... each one has 38 grams of protein.

    let me tell how nice it is to be out of the fire... sure i have residual effects that will probably come and go but this is a cakewalk compared to days 2,3, and 4. force yourself to go out and do things. i just got done running 3/4 of a mile and i feel like superman. life is weird you guys... we put ourselves in these weird and mostly bad situations for some of the most trivial reasons and it blows my mind on how much i have been missing out on now. i love everything. and the number 1 thing that i keep thinking is i dont have to worry ever again about "oh man, i better have some suboxone in my pocket becasue i might be gone too long today." or "im going to sleep over at a friends so dont forget my subs." its so past that... and i know alot of people on here have written that it takes 10 to 14 days for things to totally make you feel better and get back to good. and that might be true as far as feeling totally completely ok. but i can do anything right now in the state i am in. bkfizz you hang in there. you are one day behind me and you will see exactly what i mean if you keep exercising and saturating your body with protein.

    i feel alot of people in these forums dont really want to help themselves and instead want an excuse for their issues. maybe i am a lucky one that can see past all the bullsh*t. but people look at it this way. life is a privilage. there are people laying in hospitals right now begging for an organ so they can KEEP LIVING... there are people in comas, there are soldiers dieing for us to be able live in this amazing country we have. and myself and you all included are all so wrong for feeling sorry for ourselves or not making a change instead of slowly killing yourselves off with something that is YOUR CHOICE. i understand some people need these meds and drugs for health issues but the majority of us have abused it like hell and it makes me sick. i am sick with myself for missing 5 years of my life. i feel like i just woke up from a 5 year coma, i swear. so please do this for yourself no matter what it takes. you will LOVE yourself for it. and as far as me... i am not ever looking back...

    talk soon, stay strong
    Last edited by notEVERlookingBACK; 06-16-2007 at 04:12 PM.

  24. #24
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    Why is it today i feel worse?? many sneezes, bad belly, just do not feel well. could not go to church. only went to the woods for a walk, not even a mile. i did not think i would feel this bad coming off sub. i am staying on track, tho. eating crackers is about the only thing i can eat today. my husband made me drink a no fear. i do not want to feel this bad again. I put myself in this situation so, i must try to make it!!! almost thought about calling my sub doc tomorrow. but, would i go thru this again?? do you think i came off sub too fast?
    Last edited by bkfizz; 06-17-2007 at 05:59 PM.

  25. #25
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    just remembered--my doc is moving i think either last week or this week.

  26. #26
    notEVERlookingBACK is offline New Member
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    Default DAY 7 of the Suboxone Diaries...

    one week everyone..........

    DAY 7

    i feel great. bkfizz you are almost out of the woods i promise you. DONT GO BACK!!! the only reason it is taking you a tad longer is the fact you probably didnt exercise as hard as i did before you quit. it gets so much better and i swear you have let it happen because you will get up that morning and be like "THANK YOU GOD" and then ITS ALL OVER BABY... thats it. its like sliding down a slide at the playground after you peak out. and you are probably peaking right now. you will know the second it happens because you think to yourself "wow this isnt so bad anymore, i can deal with this."

    i want to say thank you for all of you that helped me through this. the internet is an amazing thing. and its people like you that make lifes mistakes understandable and fixable. life is a series of choices, some bad some good... its what you to overcome the bad ones that make you who you truly are. and though i know i have only been clean from subs for a week, i know i will never go back. it never was worth it and i wont let what i went through leave me thoughts.

    its day 7 i ran a mile on the treadmill today and sweat like i havent sweat in a looooooooongggg time. there are still some residual effects of tiredness and antsy feeling but im busy as hell and it really doesnt effect me. at night i have still been tossing and turning and sleep has been off and on but it works. its all good.

    subs are the right route to go people trust me. someone that is in the process of conquering it.

    talk soon stay strong

  27. #27
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    after a sleepless night, even with trazadone, i finally think i feel alittle better.
    my mind seems clearer. my aches are coming back. but, that is probably good. i'm so happy to read of your progress. you also stay strong

  28. #28
    Dave87666 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ranger18 View Post
    Does anybody know what Suboxone shows up as in a urine test? How long it stays in system? can't loose job.....thanks

    No they have to order a special test to check for suboxone,which I am sure that your job is not going to order....

  29. #29
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    thought my sub doc had already left the state. not until 7/2. i called him and he told me that every 3 days the receptors redo something. so, i should be better soon. i bought some zantac hoping that would help my stomach. i tried to find the drink-naked but could not find any. gnc did not have it.
    went for a 3 mi. walk today. peace

  30. #30
    bkfizz is offline Junior Member
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    when i wake up, i feel fairly fine. as the day goes by, the fatique gets me. still have the bad belly! found the drink-naked-and am trying to drink that.
    NELB where are you?

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