Reality Check!! Scottish lass in need of advice, please. Need to escape the TRAMADOL!

[hugos]

Hey guys,
I am in my early 30's and have been abusing tramadol for the last 3 years. I have an highly addictive personality and have suffered with severe depression from childhood. I have always had a release valve. Self harming, alcohol, narcotics, bulimia, annorexia and anything that could distract me from dealing with things head on.

Fast forward to now. I have kicked the eating dissorders, alcohol and illiegal highs/lows and the self harming and they are a thing of the distant past. Then i was prescribed Tramadol for mild arthritis. 4tabs of 50mg a day. Within 6 months i was consuming 20+ a day. I cut back down to 10 a day until 14 months ago. My Dad passed away and i went back upto 20+ a day along with 10-15 dihydrocodine 30mg a day. Those little pills sure do keep me numb and devoid of any emotion or notion I may have of alowing myself to grieve.

I get my tramadol supply via the internet and the dhy from my doc.

I ran out of tram last Thursday and my internet supplier declined my order for the 1st time, which has left me cold turkey for 4 days now. Luckily i have dhy and i can say the withdrawls have been minimal (i have endured tram cold turkey before....it was hell on earth). I know one drug is only masking another.

After day 3 I had a reality check and cried for hours on end....the first in 14months. I felt sad and happy all at once.....i actualy FELT something!!

So yesterday i am happy at the thought my order had been declined, it was the kick i needed. I can actualy do this. I can have a life free of tram.

Today at work was awesome. I was sooo positive and looking forward to living again!!

Then i get home and check my emails...my so called declined order was approved today and disspatched and will arrive at my door tomorrow!!!

I know exactly what i will do. Pop a few kidding myself on that i will only take a few a day and by the end of the week i will be back up to the 20's.....Argh!!

Any word's of wisdom??

[widowedtosoon]

I can offer you a ear to listen and be supportive of you trying to stay clean; I too had a horrible time trying to cold turkey pills for years and it became so uncontrolable; I started the Suboxone program back in September and I really believed it was a wonderful thing. Well now that I want to get off of the Sub it seems that it will be a painful process also; if you really want to stop I think you should put your mind to it and see if you can; maybe you can send the order back? I know from my own personal demons that if you take a few now then you may continue the cycle. I am here to listen if you need; good luck to you and god bless

[Cooke1984]

I've been depressed for a while, tryed everything, last medication I was on for my depression was ventaflaxine, similar to tramadol. I had really bad migraines so I stopped taking all my medication thinking they was causing the migraines , Anyway now I am on tramadol for my migraines, never felt better, I've looked it up and people have been prescribed tramadol for depression if other meds didnt work, The withdrawal is as bad as a ventaflaxine withdrawal. So I am going to talk to my doctor , and maybe they will keep me on the tramadol instead of the venaflaxine.