[usmc_ret]

Thanks for the words of encouragement once again. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. When you guys knocked the drugs, after the w/d's were almost gone did you find yourselves eating a lot more to try and replace anxiety.
The weekend is almost here. There would be nothing more that I'd like then to pop a Perc and take a drive but I'm NOT!

[carol_jaster@yahoo.com]

Tony, I'm new to this site, but have "heard" that Ambien is dangerous for those of us (me) who are over 65. Also heard of two men who went sleep walking during the night and froze to death. So far none of that for me, but I'm wondering why Ambien is dangerous, or if it really is. Anyone know?
Carol

[carol_jaster@yahoo.com]

Tony, good luck on your struggle. Sounds like I may be joining that struggle. Will keep you in my prayers.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by carol_jaster@yahoo.com

Tony, I'm new to this site, but have "heard" that Ambien is dangerous for those of us (me) who are over 65. Also heard of two men who went sleep walking during the night and froze to death. So far none of that for me, but I'm wondering why Ambien is dangerous, or if it really is. Anyone know?
Carol

Hi Carol
I knew a little old lady she just passed,but she was 94 and just as spry as she could be until the end.She was so much fun.but the point I was trying to make is that she took ambien to help her sleep and it was OK for her...
I also take ambien sometimes and it is OK for me but, a lot of people forget what they are doing and do silly things like go outside with no clothes on.LOL
So you will just have to see how it works for you
Wish you luck...
best wishes, Melinda

[MaisieC]

Hi Tony,

Oh yes, the "fun" goes on even after the bad withdrawals are over. You can expect to be thinking about pills from time to time--and sometimes a lot--for quite a while, maybe a very long time. The thing people told me that was VERY helpful was "never let your guard down." It would be great if we could just erase the history we have had with drugs and return to that innocent state where we never thought about drugs as an answer to a problem, an unpleasant feeling, boredom, etc. But you have had the experience, and now it's a part of you. Some people would say "you'll always be an addict, even if you're not using." For sure you'll always be at risk of addiction, having been addicted once. It's a drag, but you can't go back, you have to go forward and use your knowledge of yourself and your experience to protect yourself in future. This isn't because you're a bad person: it's just your new reality.

Another thing that helps me is to think really hard about my experiences with drugs, and whether those experiences were really as great as I imagine they were. The answer is always "no." Yes, I had some peak experiences. But once I got going, they were few and far between. Most of the times I used I was chasing an experience that I could never get back. Those first times you feel high...wow. The 300th time, yeah, it keeps you from going into withdrawal, that's about it. It helps me to really remember what the drugs were like: made me lethargic, I gained weight, it messed up my digestion, the tramadol made me sweat a lot, I lost interest in my friends, etc.

Have you checked out any NA meetings? Maybe you could do that this weekend. At least it could keep you warm spiritually, if not physically.

Hang in.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by carol_jaster@yahoo.com

Tony, good luck on your struggle. Sounds like I may be joining that struggle. Will keep you in my prayers.

OH Carol
I forgot to tell you ambien for me is very easy to get off of.I just took some benadryl for a couple of nights and then things went back to normal. well normal for me anyway.LOL and thats not very good...

Talk to you soon,Melinda

[usmc_ret]

Hey gang!
I wanted to let you all know that I'm doing just fine. Starting to get somewhat of a gut but doing alot better. Hope you all are doing well.

Tony
(Perc survivor 22 days)

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by usmc_ret

Hey gang!
I wanted to let you all know that I'm doing just fine. Starting to get somewhat of a gut but doing alot better. Hope you all are doing well.

Tony
(Perc survivor 22 days)

Hi Tony
Glad to hear you are doing so well. 22 days is great...
LOL...Where you getting the gut from...
Thanks for stopping by and saying Hi...
Have a good night...
Melinda

[MaisieC]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for checking in. I was just thinking about you yesterday and hoping you were doing well. I'm glad to hear you are!

So I'm now 29 days off the Tramadol, and I have to confess I've been eating everything in sight. Tomorrow I join the gym and start saying "no" to my most evil food cravings (I currently have THREE boxes of donuts in my kitchen). Thought I would take it easy on myself at first, but now it's time to start dealing with that little aspect of reality too.

Do you have big plans for the weekend?

[usmc_ret]

Hi Maisie,
You are doing a great job! I have no plans for the weekend. Boy, I really think i would have taken a pill if I had some today. I just had that feeling like I was missing something today. I was a little stressed out because I found out my home is about 16 grand upside down and I'm trying to sell it. I never thought I would be part of the boom of the market. I miss the "worry free" feeling that the percs gave me.
Man what a day. Hope yours was better.
-Tony
(24 days)

[usmc_ret]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

Hi Tony
Glad to hear you are doing so well. 22 days is great...
LOL...Where you getting the gut from...
Thanks for stopping by and saying Hi...
Have a good night...
Melinda

Melinda,
I'm getting the gut from eating too much :-)

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by usmc_ret

Hi Maisie,
You are doing a great job! I have no plans for the weekend. Boy, I really think i would have taken a pill if I had some today. I just had that feeling like I was missing something today. I was a little stressed out because I found out my home is about 16 grand upside down and I'm trying to sell it. I never thought I would be part of the boom of the market. I miss the "worry free" feeling that the percs gave me.
Man what a day. Hope yours was better.
-Tony
(24 days)

Hi Tony ... be careful my friend! A month out is such a dangerous time for us RX opiate heads. That is just enough clean time where we can start to get a little too comfortable with all this and quite innocently begin to feel like we have things under control.

I know that you have loved ones that are very inspiring for you and you're not a living-under-the-bridge type of junkie. Not that I'm judging anyone who happens to live under a bridge, just using the term as a figure of speech. I just want you to realize that this thing takes 100% focus for a long time, lots longer than a month. I'm just concerned for you.

I have been going through some major dental work and even with some significant clean time I still can't take RX pain pills. I still don't trust myself even with having a good amount of clean time, being a Christian, the whole thing. I can't take RX pain pills and I know it.

Just making a suggestion that you do a really close reality check on yourself daily. This is also the time when those recovery meetings can have such an important place in our life. Of course church can help too if your beliefs lead you there at this time. I will keep you in my prayers. Remember that you've got friends here. God bless.

[usmc_ret]

Church was great today and I met a lot of new people. I am starting to feel weird as if I am still missing something. That feeling that happens when I take Percs. I'm doing a lot of other things to take my time up but I can only do so much. I've been watching too much tv lately and only excercising about 30 mins a day.
I've done things like shave my chest, cut my nose hairs, done my nails (not painted them), picked at my face to get those little blackheads off on my nose.
I haven't had any headaches so that's good. I'm also stressed out about my retirement pay starting at the right time and the dept of vets affairs coming up with a good service related disibility percent for me.
The house is going to be shown next week already. So far we're starting on the price to even us out but we'll never get it. The other homes like ours are a good 15 grand lower so other than being upside down in the house, our family pet (cat) got out and no one has seen her for 6 days. We had the cat for 8 years and it's like a family thing. We brought her back from Japan when we were stationed there from 2001-2007.
Either way, I am not going to even try and get any rx. I don't need it, don't want it but really miss it.

-Tony
(25 days)

[melinda7.5]

Hi Tony
I went back to church after I quit taking drugs also.
The void that you are feeling will be filled if you keep going to church.
Trust me PLEASE...Im just beaming when I get out of church.People look at me and tell me how much I have changed, and what are you doing that your so happy...I just smile and tell them...
You wont miss those pills for long,
Don't want to sound corny, BUT keep calling on the LORD and he will fill all of your needs...
I'm so happy for you...
Melinda

[usmc_ret]

Hey guys,
I'm back again. Glad my thread was easily accessable. Does anyone know why the depression was gone for about a week and now it's been back for a few days now. I've also been waking up a few times throughout the night for no apparent reason.
I had a dream last night that I was a macaroni and the powdered cheese was arguing with the real cheese to see which one I would stir into the macaroni.

Anyone had dreams like that??? After the first 25 days without Percs was when I felt okay. 26-31st day depression. Now dreams and a complete urge to endulge.

I don't have any so no worries. I've had heartburn as well for some odd reason.

I just feel really ?????? now

-Tony
(Perc survivor 34 days)

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by usmc_ret

Hey guys,
I'm back again. Glad my thread was easily accessable. Does anyone know why the depression was gone for about a week and now it's been back for a few days now. I've also been waking up a few times throughout the night for no apparent reason.
I had a dream last night that I was a macaroni and the powdered cheese was arguing with the real cheese to see which one I would stir into the macaroni.

Anyone had dreams like that??? After the first 25 days without Percs was when I felt okay. 26-31st day depression. Now dreams and a complete urge to endulge.

I don't have any so no worries. I've had heartburn as well for some odd reason.

I just feel really ?????? now

-Tony
(Perc survivor 34 days)

Hi Tony
I think we all have some depression after we stop taking are pills,the brain just need a little more time to heal.
If I start to feel down and no energy I try to do something thats fun or go for a walk,just feed your brain with good things.make some goals for yourself and do one thing a day to better yourself it doesn't have to be a big thing.
just something to make you feel good...
I don't know about the dream, I know we all have dreams about taking drugs again but i don't know about mac n cheese,,,maybe you were just hungry.LOL
Talk to you later, Melinda

[MaisieC]

Hi Tony,

If it's any comfort, that all sounds quite normal. When you think about it, a month isn't really that long, and your body is still adjusting. During this period, it can be hard to tell what symptoms are related to coming off drugs and which might have happened anyway due to the stress of life, etc. You're recalibrating "normal" for yourself.

Have you been able to notice if anything helps the depression? Going to the gym, for instance? Have you been able to make any NA meetings? The temptation is to think "well, I'm OK now so I don't need meetings" once you get through the acute withdrawal. But the meetings really are helpful going forward, because the cravings do persist and you do have a feeling of emptiness after "losing" the drug. Also, the fellowship is wonderful--guaranteed to help your mood! I assume your family isn't with you yet? It would be good for you to have more support...beyond your virtual pals here.

I gotta say, that is one weird dream! The weird dreams are also part of the process. Sometimes you wake up and just say WTF???

Hang in there, and take care.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by usmc_ret

Hey guys,
I'm back again. Glad my thread was easily accessable. Does anyone know why the depression was gone for about a week and now it's been back for a few days now. I've also been waking up a few times throughout the night for no apparent reason.
I had a dream last night that I was a macaroni and the powdered cheese was arguing with the real cheese to see which one I would stir into the macaroni.

Anyone had dreams like that??? After the first 25 days without Percs was when I felt okay. 26-31st day depression. Now dreams and a complete urge to endulge.

I don't have any so no worries. I've had heartburn as well for some odd reason.

I just feel really ?????? now

-Tony
(Perc survivor 34 days)

Hi Tony,

I had some dreams over the years that were so wierd they actually scared me. I would wake up in a cold sweat. I mean they were evil dreams, things I had never even come close to doing in reality. I would have welcomed a macaroni dream. That is really kind of funny. I remember once I woke up from a dream where I had been smoking a rock of cocaine the size of a beachball. I was so high when I woke up, seemed like I had actually done it. And I wasn't even a crack head while using. Of course with me being a Christian I'm convinced that satan is trying to do anything he can do to make us think this isn't worth it, he wants us back in addiction. Just don't use no matter what and the dreams will eventually go away.

The thing you need to be aware of after 30 days, at 90 days, even at six months is PAWS. Just like the letters stand for it's Post Acute .... in other words after we have some clean time we can literally go right back into w/d again almost the same as when we were using. It makes lots of people relapse. Remember that it will go away as long as you don't use.

I agree with Maisie regarding the benefit of some recovery meetings. NA saved my life. I only missed three meetings my first two years in recovery. I don't go as often as I should anymore, but I still go. I'm more involved in church today as that is what works best for me at this point in my life. But had I not found NA I doubt that I would have found my way into church. I strongly recommend you give those meetings a try. And go daily or as close to daily as possible. Granted there are some people there that I wouldn't want to model my life after but there are a lot of good people there too. Look for the things that benefit you and ignore the rest of it. Hope that helps some. God bless.

[usmc_ret]

Thanks guys,
I appreciate the encouragement. I didn't tell anyone else about the macaroni thing. I knew no one else would understand. The day was good today but now it's starting to slow down a little now that I'm not busy. The bad thing is that I have not been to any meetings yet. I haven't made the call or "broke the ice" out of this forum.
I will be back. I hope you all have a great rest of the week!
Tony