[no_more_tram]

How about we start a post(if one hasn't been started yet) about parenting with our addictions. An open talk about parents who are raising kids during their addictions or even recovery. Just to let others know that they are not alone. Let's open up about our faults, or even our mistakes. Especially our guilts, which is My number 1 Problem.

Let's start with me....I have two very young kids, 5 and 2yrs. They were a bit younger while going through my addiction to pain meds. I was ER jumping, and doctor shopping like Crazy, and for the most part, I made my poor kids tag along. My oldest knew I hurt my back , so therefore couldn't work, but come on how dumb do ya think he is?!? I still to this day think of it, and get a KNOT in my tummy. How could I have done this? It just goes to show, what us humans do for our addictions. Not only did I feel bad, but THANK GOD I was never caught and arrested, well I was caught a few times by the MAPS with some docs, but nothing ever became serious of it.

I also have felt so much guilt for lacking as a parent, spending way too much time thinking about how I would get my meds, where from, and of course while under the influence I was worthless. I had moments where I acted as I should, but I became VERY LAZY VERY QUICK!!! Anyhow, that's a bit of where I have been, the past couple months I got on Suboxone and went to meetings and although I wasn't back to My NORM, I was doing better. I am now off of Suboxone, and taking it minute by minute.

In fact, in my meetings I attend through a Suboxone Program, the counselor has made one of the nights all about Parenting, which has helped some.

Don't be afraid to talk about it, who's going to be NEXT?!?!?!

[kkenly]

Wow I was such a ********ty mother during active addiction I carry so much guilt. When I was using my mood-swings even scared me I can only Imagen what my kids went though. I Dr shopped, stayed in bed passed out till 1pm or 2pm in the afternoon and could never get them to school on time. At 8&6yrs old my kids have seen me go though two drug rehabs.
I was arrested just days before my 2nd rehab for Dr shopping and made the local news (not hard to do in a small town). My poor kids had to answer questions from friends at school about their mother being on drugs and being in jail. When they told me that the kids at school were making fun of them I vowed that if I couldn't do this for myself I sure as hell could for them. I knew at that moment I loved my children more than the pills. I started out getting clean for my children and some were in the process I started wanting it for me, now I work on my sobriety for the three of us. I thanked the Dr who had me arrest she saved my life it was a blessing.
When I was riding in the cop car handcuffed the only thing I could get to come out of my mouth was "I'm out of control and my life is totally unmanageable", it was truly an out of body experience.
The best amends I can offer them today is to learn and be a good parent.
I have so much more I could say but for tonight I need to get to bed

Thanks for the great topic
Kimberly

[bluestar999]

Love to hear more thoughts on this....I am a mom of an amazing beautiful 6 and 8 year old and wow do I hear ya on the guilt....and the poor parenting...I'm so ready to be done with this stupid roller coaster, this is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with!!

Advice?

[no_more_tram]

I wish I could give advice, but unfortunately I am back on the addiction of pain meds, I wish more people would take the time to reply to this thread it really is an important thing to discuss, and I think anyone with kids should definitely put in their input or tell us their story. I hope noone is embarrassed to share that's what we are all here for to help one another.

[michele151]

Originally Posted by kkenly

Wow I was such a ********ty mother during active addiction I carry so much guilt. When I was using my mood-swings even scared me I can only Imagen what my kids went though. I Dr shopped, stayed in bed passed out till 1pm or 2pm in the afternoon and could never get them to school on time. At 8&6yrs old my kids have seen me go though two drug rehabs.
I was arrested just days before my 2nd rehab for Dr shopping and made the local news (not hard to do in a small town). My poor kids had to answer questions from friends at school about their mother being on drugs and being in jail. When they told me that the kids at school were making fun of them I vowed that if I couldn't do this for myself I sure as hell could for them. I knew at that moment I loved my children more than the pills. I started out getting clean for my children and some were in the process I started wanting it for me, now I work on my sobriety for the three of us. I thanked the Dr who had me arrest she saved my life it was a blessing.
When I was riding in the cop car handcuffed the only thing I could get to come out of my mouth was "I'm out of control and my life is totally unmanageable", it was truly an out of body experience.
The best amends I can offer them today is to learn and be a good parent.
I have so much more I could say but for tonight I need to get to bed

Thanks for the great topic
Kimberly

kkenly,

I am sorry to here about your situation with your children. I know they will still love you know matter what. How did you get caught? What were you charged with and what was the sentence? I am going through a similar situation with 2 daughters.

[michele151]

This is a great idea!!! I started have lower back pain that caused my right leg to hurt and my toes tingle if I sit for a long period of time about 8 months ago and went to the doctor who prescribed me vicdon. Went back because the pain was back after the pills were gone and received a few more prescriptions. Well I decided to see a different doctor for a different opinion and the wait was suppose to be shorter (not) was prescribed percocet and darovect. Well a new doctor came in town, no patients, shorter wait, different opinion. She prescribed me percocet and darvocet. Well i got a letter from my 1st and 3rd doctor that they could not provide me services because the pharmasit called them. So I have been back to the 2nd doctor who I plan to stay with. I have not even mention that I am having an adult tooth moved in place from the roof of my mouth. I still had a baby tooth in mouth at the age of 34. The adult tooth was not able toc come through because the area was not wide enough to compensate for the adult tooth. So I has to get braces to widen the area, have the roof of my mouth cut to have a button placed on the adult tooth that is now attached to by braces with a chain that it twisted over every 2 weeks. Well enough of that. That is how my pain medicince got started.

I never thought that I would get to this. I did not know the effects until I tried to come off. I have 2 beautiful daughters and I am scared of embarrsing them and losing everthing.

Thanks to Melinda, she is helping me with a tempering plan. I was taking 12 a day, I took 9 yesterday, and 6 so far today. I am praying for the strength.