[patmamma]

Morticia, I am happy to hear you are still going forward, and I am sorry to hear they stopped helping you so quickly. I think your resolve is strong, and with that, you will be amazed at what you can do. I wish I could help you find a clinic, but I live WAY too far away to help.

LisaGirl, I dont think your cravings mean you dont want to quit, I want to quit, and I have total triggers, but as you mentioned, they arent strong enough to give in on. If you go back through the posts, you will see that last time I went cold turkey, I had a prescription for percocet in my purse at all times. I felt like it was my power over the pills. This time I dont, and I think it would be better to have that. I dont thinkI would be strong enough to have actual pills though, so give yourself, and Kaidog, a pat on the back. I would take them until they were gone, but a peice of paper is easier to have control over than a pill.

YAY! DAY 22!!!!!!!!THREE WEEKS AND A DAY!
Patmamma

[AmyBreeze]

quote:Originally posted by nymommy

amy~~ been on sub for 1 mo...i have been lucky, as i really do not crave..i hear whatever cravings you can get are minimal...if you have any questions when you return from your appt. tuesday, feel free.............i was so happy to have this forum when first on the sub...just expect 2-3 days to be alittle shaky when your trying to get your dose right

Thank you NY. I am sure I will do that. I honestly don't know what I would have done up to this point without this forum. It has been a Godsend.

Thank you again...

Amy

[sparky]

Bored without our drugs.........think about it.... thats what occupied your life for however long you were adicted.....chasing, counting, doc shop, worrying about running out, timing it around every activity.....you are not bored....just stop thinking about your addition...the in, outs and whys.....if you have stopped either by sub or cold turkey....tell yourself its over......over......get on with LIFE.....all the things you quit doing while obsessing about drugs...go enjoy a sunset....enjoy your family and friends..go back to the hobbies you loved....enjoy the beauty that life has to offer naturally without the synthetics.......if we stopped our drug abuse we basically have been given a new leaf on life...don't waste another moment dwelling or obsessing about your old drug patterns.....and by know means am I suggesting that life is now a bed of roses....we all have ups and downs and stessors in our life....but what can we do to soften those parts of our lives?....and just be a peace with who you/I/ we ARE in this very moment clean and free of addiction

[Kaidog]

Pat-mammacito:

Congratulations on the more than three weeks of clean time. You've come a long way!

Cranky:

Don't sweat it dude. I'd be willing to wager just about anything that almost everybody on this board, including this cowboy, that we have all quit and stopped many, many times. As everyone else has already said, you'll quit when you're truly ready and untill then, just contribute what you wish.



Clean Date = 09/12/06

[patmamma]

Hey everyone.
Yesterday I broke my leg mountain biking.

I am in a lot of pain, and unfortunately am having to take these stupid pills again. [xx(]

I feel so yukky! I dont even like them anymore, and cant wait until the pain lets up. The pills are making me totally sick.

I am sitting in bed with ice, trying to push the length of time until I have to take another stupid pill.
Patmamma

[Kaidog]

quote:Originally posted by patmamma

Hey everyone.
Yesterday I broke my leg mountain biking.

I am in a lot of pain, and unfortunately am having to take these stupid pills again. [xx(]

I feel so yukky! I dont even like them anymore, and cant wait until the pain lets up. The pills are making me totally sick.

I am sitting in bed with ice, trying to push the length of time until I have to take another stupid pill.
Patmamma

Pat-mammacito:

Yukkkkkkkkkkkk!!! You've got to be some aort of really hard-core mountain biker. Those injuries really suck.

Don't worry about the pain pills. That's what they are for. I'm sure you'll jettison them again as soon as your leg mends and your post-op surgery.

Please keep us posted as to your progress will you?

Prayers your way!



Clean Date = 09/12/06

[Kaidog]

Geeze!!!!!!!!!!! I really need to proof read my posts before putting them up here. I sound like a moron................... even more than usual!

Clean Date = 09/12/06

[patmamma]

Thanks Kaidog!

I promise to be mindful of how I go about taking the meds. They only gave me 20 percocet 5's anyway, (most likely because of my history in my file, which is fine with me.) They gave me a shot of demerol yesterday as well, because my heartrate and blood pressure were really high, and I had tears running down my face. I was trying so hard to be brave, but nonetheless, I ccouldnt stop the tears. I am thankful that I quit taking these pills though, because when I do take them, they actually work! I dont need two at a time, just one.

I appreciate anyone who feels like talking, I am bored lying in bed. I cannot sit still for long, even though I couldnt imagine doing anything but sit here due to the pain.[B)]

I gladly accept your prayers. I felt sorry for myself at first, but the reality is, I dont care, this is my life, this is the risk I take, and I wouldnt change it for the world.

Patmamma

Please keep talking to me everyone, I am dying for conversation!

[tinkers]

Patmamma,

Sorry to hear about your stump ____ happens you will be fine.

cranky,

It happens if i had a dollar for every time that had happened to me in the past move on try the sub but the key is move on thats all you can do I loved to smoke and eat pills also drink coffee what ever you will be there one day soon.

Lisa

How are you sounds like you are have some mental tests? Well stay strong keep it up

Suboxone works give it a chance!

[patmamma]

Okay, dont get quiet on me now!

Where is everyone?
Patmamma[:0]

[tinkers]

patmamma

Its not you its me every time I'm here it quite no one seems to talk when i'm here

Suboxone works give it a chance!

[patmamma]

Tinkers,
I know its not you! I appreciate you being there! Hey, how are your injuries healing up from your accident. I have thought alot about you today, thinking of how you are healing without the use of pain pills. I wish I could do that. As it is, my husband is getting aggrivated that I wont take my pills like I am supposed to. I keep telling him I just dont want to go through any more withdrawls! I am stubborn. I just keep waiting to see if the pain is really more than I can handle. Is that dumb?

Patmamma

[Kaidog]

LISA GIRL:

Who you picken tonight? I'd tell you but that would be the kiss of death for whoever I picked.[V]

Pat-mammacito:

Have you caught-up on all the day time soaps? When I broke all those ribs a few years ago I was ready to stick a pistol in my mouth for all the boredom!

Clean Date = 09/12/06

[Kaidog]

Actually I will tell ou all..............

I'm always rooting for whoever is playing the Cowboys.

Go Giants!

Clean Date = 09/12/06

[patmamma]

Oh Kaidog, NO! I love the Cowboys, call it my generation, and how they were the big deal when I was a kid, call it rooting for the underdog, call it that I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader when I was young, but I love them!

I wouldnt watch a soap to save my life. I have been watching movies and sleeping. I would like to say I have been chatting all day on this site, but the crickets were chirping awfully load today, Tinkers and I can attest to that!

Ta Ta For now,
christie, (mamma-cito)

[LISA GIRL]

PATMAMMA!!....Sorry to hear about your leg! That's terrible. Are you in much pain? Sorry it was quiet for you earlier. I was slaving away at work. Girl's gotta pay the bills you know.. You know when I broke my wrist that was my first encounter with perocoet. It coincided with my dad's stroke and I found it numbed the pain in my heart as well as my wrist. It did, but at a heavy cost. Glad to hear you are staying strong but if you are in pain, no need to forego the pills. There is a time and place for them.

Tinkers.. how are you my friend? Hope you are recovering from your accident... Yes I am having some mental challenges. Just going day by day for now. Things are better when I keep busy..work etc...

Kaidog..Glad you gave the kiss of death to the Giants cuz I am on the Cowboys! I love all the Peyton men but had to take the home team.... you know I really don't know too much about football truth be told, but I have another little vice in case you hadn't noticed
One thing at a time!! Cowboys -3 Hope you had a nice weekend away...

Amy... how are you? Still planing to start the sub tomorrow? Let us know how it goes!

JohnTrav...you still here? Let us know how you are doing.

Sparky. I hear what you are saying but really I was not preoccupied in my "former" life.. lol. I had a steady supply of pills most all of the time. I think to be honest that everything felt more fun with the pills....even watching tv or doing laundry. Maybe fun isn't the word. I don't know.. I hope that feeling will pass. I think it may just be a matter of getting reaquainted with myself.. comfortable in my own skin again. I don't know. I can't quite place my finger on it. Just feel a little empty, like something is missing at times. But it's all about pros and cons and most definitely the little bit of unease I feel now is outweighed by the energy, financial and health benefits of sobriety...


Cranky.. Think about the sub.. we can be sub buddies and converse about ways to not be bored! lol.. Seriously, when you are ready we are all here to support you.

[Midtex24]

Hello everybody,

I was reading all your messages and it really touched me to realize I am not the only addict out there. I am a 30 year old gay male living in west texas, thats hard enough, much less being addicted to pain killers, lol. I had back surgery when I was only 21 years old and was given lortabs at that time. I took them as prescribed for about 5 years before I realized I could take another one or two and I'd feel better. I have been a true addict for about 4 years now. I have been to LaHacienda, the best rehab in Texas and several other local rehab and detox facilities. I continue to have back pain, I suffer from fibromyalgia, arthritis, CTS, and a various assortment of other pain inducing ailments. I have tried very hard to stay "on the wagon" so many times. I was doing pretty good for a while and then last week I slipped and fell outside and really hurt my back. The doctor gave me some lortabs and I took them without hesitation. None of my family knows that I have them and have been taking them regularly. I am on disability so I dont have to worry about being found out at work and I seldom drive. My partner usually gets me what I need or drives when we go out. Everyone is clueless about me taking them again. About 3 years ago I attempted suicide while I was on paxil trying to really just "get out of the way." Naturally, my family was very upset and rallied to show me they really care. The point I am trying to make right now is that I dont know what to do. I am afraid if I tell my partner of 9 years he will leave me, he said he would if I did it again. I am afraid to tell my family because they could have me commited and my rights could be taken away. I have heard of some medications that help you like suboxone but I dont know where or how to go about getting this. The clouds of suspision by my family are dark right now. It is a very thin tightrope trying to figure out what im going to do. What is scary is that when I take my pain meds I actually do feel better. I mean physically better. I get more things done and I am more constructive as an adult, even as a disabled adult. It is hard to to say I shouldnt take them when they actually help. I just have to figure out a way not to abuse them and that is my delema. If anybody has any ideas or past experience with this situation PLEASE give me some suggestions. I am afraid and alone.

[LISA GIRL]

Midtex... Welcome... you may be afraid but certainly not alone. You are definitely in a tough spot. The use of my D.O.C. (drug of choice) was never really medical neccessity. Actually I was prescribed it when I broke my wrist, but beyond that it was all for recreation. Unfortunately this means I am of no use in helping you walk that tight line. I guess I think if you really need them for legitimate pain, then well who could fault you for liking them as well? It is not a bad thing necessarily to enjoy the feeling you get when you take them for legitimate purposes. You can't help that part really. The key is not taking more than you need for the pain. That is the tough part and maybe I am wrong about the other too. I just don't know what people do who need the pain meds but have addiction problems. I'm sure there is someone here who can help you with that better than me.

You said you have only been on the Lortabs for a week? How long were clean before that? If you stopped right now would you go into withdrawal do you think? As for the suboxone, you can go to www.suboxone.com and get a list of doctors in your area. If you are interested there are several people who have taken that route (including me) from whom you can get better information..

[^]

[nymommy]

mid tex ..i've been on suboxone for 1 month.no one knew about my "problem" either....google suboxone..go to doctor locater..it'll walk you thru~ good luck

[nymommy]

kaidog welcome back~~~~~~~~sounds like your doing great~~~~~angela you around...lazer how are you?...hi lisa

[nymommy]

amy..check in w/ us tomorrow....any questions..i'll be here

[LISA GIRL]

Hi back at ya Mommy! What's new with you? Haven't talked to you in what, like 5 minutes? bwah ha ha....

Lazer? Angela? Where are you guys? Don't make me put out an APB or some other such acronym! Check in and let us know how you are!!

[sparky]

WHEN PILLS USED TO BE FUN.......I remember those days.....waiting to take just one pill.....the euphoria......and then on and on as the addiction grew........I certainly was into the euphoria....I had to try and get that good ol feeling about everything I did.....and then one day its evil head turned on me......needing more and more pills to try and get that good ol feeling again...and more often than not it did'nt work....I begame depressed and lazy...self loathing...I procrastinated about everything....because everything evolved around pill.......But the greatest thing....is it does'nt have to be that way anymore.....for anyone having a hard time...deciding about how or when to quit.....the TRUTH is the disease is the only thing telling you to hold off for one reason or another.....once you get the courage to finally take your life back....it will be HUGE....a turning point that will save your life....God Bless

[patmamma]

Well its 3am, and my leg is freaking killing me, so, I thought I would get up and write you all.[|)]

Mid-Tex, I am so glad you are here. I think secretly finding sub is a very good idea for you. If you were discovered, and you felt uncomfortable being truthful about your trying to come clean, you could just pass it off as a different kind of drug to help with the pain. That wouldnt be lying afterall, it would be true! Have you looked into pain shots like a kind of numbing shot, (not like demerol), like a novicaine/lidocaine kind of thing? That would at least help that pain, then, I have had really good results with Nuerontin for neck pain from a whiplash accident. It was like a god send! If you worked with a trusted doctor, and was totally honest, he or she could help you get on track perhaps!

Meanwhile, back at my house, I am afraid of these pills right now. I know there is a purpose for them, but i am terrified of going back to the withdrawls! I guess that is a healthy fear, but it is keeping me from doing what I am supposed to do, heal! I think the pain is worse tonight than last night. I mean, here i am at 3am![xx
(]. I am just glad I can talk to you all.

Lisa, thanks so much for your concern, I knew you were out working, I just am bored out of my mind! Hopefully, today is the last on the bed. I might try and venture out on my crutches today.

Well, nothing to do but wait for the pain to get better, you all on the east coast will be getting up soon, so I will check back!
Love,
christie, (patmammacito)

[tinkers]

Patmamma,

No its not dumb it is what we as addicts need to do is let are bodies and brain handle the pain. Thanks for asking about my accident i'm fine just a little sore at some times.

Suboxone works give it a chance!

[tinkers]

Mid-tex,

It looks like you have a problem on your hands, Well its like this you need pills for a real reason but when you have them you abuse them right. I have some real back issuse that I have had for a long time I could have surgery or just deal with it I choose to deal with it what I found out is that when I was taking my pills that my back and leg would hurt so bad that I could'ent bear it but after I stoped using the pills I found out that it was the addiction that was causing all the pain that my pain was managable or not even there after about a month or so clean. You might want to try taking suboxone but it will not help you with real pain and it will block other pain pills from working as well good luck if I can help any more just ask

Suboxone works give it a chance!

[sparky]

REAL PAIN.............is why they have painkillers.......they are good for those reasons......And I do believe your brain receptors will know when you have real pain...and so the pain pills work for that.....it is only when we start abusing the pills...and noticing the euphoria and liking that....it swithches.....the pills eventually don't even help the pain (as was my case).....but I kept on going in hopes plus I did'nt want to do w/d plus I thought I needed them to DO LIFE...the addiction is a disease....and when pain pill use switches itself from doing what they were meant to do and then to holding you captive....thats when you have to take a look at yourself

[patmamma]

SPARKY: You are right about the pills having thier uses. I have only taken them for two days now, but it has been around the clock as I have been in quite a bit of pain. It is also funny how you mention the euphoria, I am not even experiencing that euphoria, it is only like I feel normal when i take them, (normal meaning I am not suffering). It is not for a high, it is to make me sleep and heal. Actually, come to think of it, it never makes me tired unless I really do need them. They actually make me wired when I dont need them. I cant even sleep when I take them and dont need them. Interesting points. I apologize for obsessing over this, but once you have been to hell, you just dont want to go back for a visit.[}]
Thanks for listening.
Christie, (patmamma)

[sparky]

Patmamma.....I am sorry for your pain and the accident.....if I was your shoes I would not know what to do myself.....heaven forbid...yeh I remember when euphoria was gone and I just needed them to feel sortof normal...as least no creepy crawly w/d......you have already come face to face with your demon....it is cunning....a little voice in your head will talk to you about how you are using your pills now, because you legitimately have pain....(gosh, don't they have something that does'nt hit the opiate receptors on the brain?)...I pray that you hang tough and keep your strength and resistance up to avoid any backsliding after you are healed from your accident...

[allthesequestions]

Is it better to taper off of pain pill if trying to quit or should you just do cold turkey? For those that have tried both was tapering better? I figure you will probably experience the same withdrawals either way, but if tapering is easier and less painful than maybe is the better route???

Any comments are appreciated!!!