[Budman]

nymommy it took me 6 months to tell my wife. The best and hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. You need your husbands support. I highly reccomend you withdrawling only 1 day. There is no way your going to hide it. Once on the suboxone your better than ever (they call it the "Honeymoon Phase" So if you can hide that from him you only need a day and a half but I highly reccommend you telling him. Fessing up and no more lies is huge and yout first step to recovery. Lisa Girl your Dr. will give you the first dose in the office then he will give you your perscription for 5 to 7 days then you will have follow up visits and He or She will fill you script. Get off the suboxone within 21 days. Don't take it a long time or you will have a hard time with that. One of my biggest saying is " Rome was'nt built in a day. Its going to take some time. You girls are on your way to a better life! Have a plan. I'm here to help.

[nymommy]

the reasons i don't tell my husband are complicated...he has issues w/ his family/childhood that have left him pretty screwed up, i'm the rock in this relationship..i've seen him thru all of his dark days (major battle w/ depression) i realize that it's sounds strange not to tell him especially how i've always been there for him; just can't explain it..maybe i will always think of him as vunerable..we do have a great friendship..he actually knows i do them but he thinks it's random, wkend use

[Budman]

nymommy how many kids do you have and how old are they. Its not my business but it sounds like your the rock of the household and your going to need your husband when you stop the suboxone according to my situation ( everyones different ) I was tired alot but still worked full time but at night I was done. It sounds like he will have no problem helping you. Remember all you've done for him. He does'nt owe you but its his turn. You will need his support if you live with him.

[nymommy]

my kids are 10 & 14 they could never know...my husband would do anything for us...maybe i just don't want to burden him (no i'm not a martyr at all)as we speak he is outside putting up new gutters, planting fall flowers on his day off no less...he's all about us...the words just can't seem to come out

[Budman]

nymommy I have a 4 and 9 yr. old and there no way there ever going to know. My kids are my life Like I said before it took me 6 months to fess up to my wife. Best thying I ever did. She had no idea. I could'nt be where I am today if it was'nt for her. He might get upset at first, but sounds like he is a great guy. By the way I was born in ny and lived there till I was 10

[nymommy]

for you your kids are too young to ever know..for me, this couldnt of happened @ a worse time........ teen and pre teen..you should hear me preach the evils of drugs...where in ny..and yes my husband is a great guy

[LISA GIRL]

NYMOMMY... I agree with Budman. You really don't want to thru this alone. Do you have any close friends who know? When I went CT the last time I had a great support system and it helped a LOT. Plus you still have to figure out how to get out of the house at 10 pm that night. You REALLY don't want your husband thinking something worse... like you are sneaking around with another man!

After reading the link from NJ clueless I am now fearful of starting on the sub. Sounds like the same withdrawal as with the pills. I found the most helpful link on that page to be the one by RATCHETT or something like that about 4 down. She answers some FAQ and also gives a total scenario of what to expect as you take the sub journey. Doesn't give me a lot of encouragement. I am going to continuue reading before I make a final decision.

Thanks Uncle Nasty for the info on the diff between percs and lortab. I love my percs too.Have been back on them for a year and 1/2. After two weeks of the CT last year , I felt so good I didn't miss them much. After 3 months though, thought I could do them recreationally again and well.... now I don't want to go the CT route again cuz I have been there done that on the w/d but it doesn't sound like the sub w/d is that much better. ARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH.

[Lazer]

My 21 y/o son doesn't let me even discuss my problem. It's the type of household where everybody knows everything. MY WIFE SAYS OUT LOUD THAT ALL I DO ALL DAY IS POP PILLS. He starts yelling at me calling me an addict and SAYS you are not allowed to let addicts talk because they try to justify what they do. This is all because of the way they were brought up with a wife who has no respect for her husband and always yelled and cursed at me in front of them growing up. That is the main reason I am on these things and why I'm afraid to go off of them. When I take them, I am able to sit and listen to the screaming (about anything) and not react.
So nymommy, it sounds like you have a wonderful mate who it seems would understand your position. You are not taking this medication because you are a bad person. You are a caring person who has hit a bump in the road of life (sounds corny but it's true). I wish you the best of luck.
Sorry about the ranting.
Larry

[LISA GIRL]

Larry....I know how tought it is when your other half does nothing but actually encourage your behavior by being very vocal about your problem. My boyfriend makes very unneccessary and cruel comments about my pill use. I have tried to get him to help me help myself but I thinks he just likes to feel superior. Some people actually enjoy the fact of addict mates/friends as it makes them feel better about their own lives. Your wife and children should be trying to help you, rather than just trying to make you feel bad. Hang in there!
and after reading more posts about the sub, i think the point is you just have to be careful. I have not read anywhere that it is worse w/d than with the pills..you just have to get off them as quick as possible and there still may be some amount of w/d symptoms. But I'm willing to take my chances I guess. Can't be worse than cold turkey *again and don't trust myself to just taper.

[nymommy]

i have tried the taper thing..actuallt went as far as taking my 10yr olds adderal (he has add) it helps w/ the fatigue...i feel somewhat quilty cuz this would never be a screaming household to think of my husband screaming at me i front of my kids; regardless of age..no way

[unclenasty93]

To Everyone,

Possibly the worst part of all of this is what it does to our familys. Addiction is a disease that is very misunderstood, especially by the non-addicted. People who do not have addictions don't understand why we do the things we do. They wonder why we can't just stop. They really cannot imagine doing to themselves what we do to ourselves. They get so frustrated because they see us living this hell and destroying our lives but we continue day after day. Well, here's the deal, they need help too. Or maybe not help but certainly education. They need to learn that we are powerless over our disease. They need to understand that we are sick. We aren't bad or immoral or crazy or weak.. we are very ill. Until we get some kind of treatment to put this in remission we have no choice over whether or not we are going to use. Tell your familys to go to al-anon meetings or go with you to counseling. What they need worse than anything is education about addiction. As long as they remain uneducated about this, the problems will continue. Unless someone has lived this, they cannot possibly understand it!! Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful. God is it ever!! So please encourage your loved ones to get some education about the disease you have. They must if things are going to work. peace.

[LISA GIRL]

Uncle Nasty. You are right about needing family education. Unfortunately my bf is not interested in learning about the disease...and I am still not convinced it is a "disease" per se. In any case, they need to learn about the difficulty quitting and how they can best help the addict on their journey. That can make the difference between success and failure. Big time.

[unclenasty93]

lisa girl,

I hope I'm not out of line by saying this, but if your bf isn't interested in getting some education and help that would only benefit your relationship, are you sure that is a bf you should have? Also, of course addiction is a disease, do you think people would go through what they go through with this if they had a choice in the matter? People lose their familys, careers, homes, health, self respect, freedom, and even lives over this, would they go through all that if they could just "choose" not to use?

[LISA GIRL]

Uncle Nasty... Of course he is not a boyfriend I should have. I know that but well, I don't want to go into and bore you with all of it. Once I get off the pills I hope to have an increase in my self esteem and be able to walk away for good.

And like I said earlier we could argue the disease view of addiction forever.. It has been done by thousands of people.. on this board and off.. we are all entitled to our own opinion on the subject.

For me PERSONALLY, I think that I can make a choice daily, to use or not. I have quit before. That was a choice. I chose then to take them again. And I believe that was b/c I like the feeling not because I have a disease. Just like someone may endanger their health by overeating. That can affect their health, job, relationships etc but I don't necessarily consider it a disease. I guess I do believe that ultimately we are responsible for our actions and I know I will get blasted for stating that as it is not a popular position on these forums but it's true. It is not impossible to quit. It is not easy but it can be done. The control part of it is where it differs from a disease like cancer. Do you also think the person who eats a piece of chocolate cake knowing that it will blow their diet and lead potentially to all sorts of associated problems has a disease? I am not trying to argue, I know I will be in the minority here. I am just curious where one draws the line.

[nymommy]

lisa, uncle nasty has a point regarding your bf..but hey, i'm a reformed bad boyfriend serial dater..the badder the better, that addiction i got rid of by age 25..also from your previous post, it sounds like you arent really ready to quit..which is fine, cause it won't work unless you want it...i just started to want it..last month i was like, no big deal everyone has thier vices ..but when the lies became bigger and my panic grew everytime i thought i might go w/o..i realized this is not the person i want to be...i also have a nephew who is addicted to vicodin HP he has an endless suppy (quack doctor) he is experiencing serious stomach problems blood in his liver...he still is using ...is what we write here confidential? or can the authorities peek in[?][:0]

[LISA GIRL]

NY Mommy.. Just curious what in my last post makes you think I don't want to quit?

and anyone can look here but I doubt the authorities are lurking in drug forums trying to bust people. I don't know how they could even prove identity or how admissible it would be in any legal proceedings. I wouldn't worry about it.

[nymommy]

lisa, not a sure why i got that feeling, perhaps you don't seem as disgusted with the whole situation as i do..which i am not judging at all .. your also probably not lying to as many people as i am...omly my sister knows

[LISA GIRL]

Yeah. I don't lie about it. If anything I am probably too open about it. I really helps me to be able to confide in my friends, none of whom are addicts. My bf is the only one who I have a hard time talking to but I don't lie to him. As I type this I realize it sounds a little holier than thou. I don't know your situation except what you've told me so I can't fault you for withholding the truth from your hubby. I just know that if I didn't have people to confide in (like here) it would drive me crazy. At least you can come here and spill/type your guts out and there are people who understand what you are going thru.

[nymommy]

this is a great outlet for me.information wise as well...i never thought i'd be chatting online to a group of strangers..as i said earlier, my hubby knows i do them recreationally..everyday 5x a day,no..

[dmmt]

Lazer-

I joined this site last year with the same problem you have. Hooked on Darvocet after taking it for my spinal pain for 3 years. I had gotten all the way to 10-15 pills a day, sometimes taking a half pill every thirt minutes!

You CAN wean off this. It takes time, and it takes a commitment. I realized after talking to people here and reading their stories that I didnt want to get hooked worse, or on stronger pills.

I have weaned down to four pills a day. 1 in the morning, 1 at noon and two before bed. I had to becuase I can't go without anything. My pain level is so that I can't function.

You can do this, but do it slow. If your taking 4 at a time, take three. Then two, then one. Steady as she goes.

And you HAVE to understand that this pill isnt helping you deal with anything- it's just helping you ignore your problems.

I have anxiety issues, too. I understand using these pills to dull the panic, but you have to talk to a doctor about that and get somethign for anxiety/panic.

Hang in there. I'll be here if you need to talk.

[LISA GIRL]

ANGELA H!**** Haven't seen a post in a few days. Just wondering if the sub is continuing to go well for you. Your story sounds the closest to my own, so I am interested in how you are doing and praying for your continued success on the sub and an easy transition for you when it comes time to get off of it. When you talked in an earlier post about how you wouldn't even want to leave the house to go to dinner or movie with your bf I could totally relate!

[Angela H]

Lisa girl~
Thanks for asking about me. I'm doing well so far. Today I am 25 days clean of Lortabs. I am so proud of myself and feeling soooo much better. The Sub is a miracle....for me, anyway. I'm still on it, but taking it in VERY small doses. It would be hard to take too much because you will become VIOLENTLY ill! The first 2 days I took it (4 mg the first day and about 2 1/2 the second) I vomitted atleast 3 times per day. 2 mg or less is what works for me. Some days I only take a tiny piece of the pill which is probably equivelent to about 1-1 1/2 mg. Put it this way....10 8 mg Subutex lasted me almost 3 weeks. I'm also in a very fortunate situation, as my doctor is absorbing all the costs of treatment except for the prescription (I pay for that at the pharmacy) because he feels he is somewhat responsible for my becoming addicted. We are frinds and about 4 years ago he started prescribing them for me recreationally. And I did strictly take them that way for about 2 years. I mean, Litereally...30 Lortab 10s would last me 4 months back then. Wow, how time flies and addiction creeps up so slowly. I used to hear people saying that one day, you cross over and I thought it would NEVER happen to me. If you had told me 3 years ago that I would be addicted to pain pills and have to seek treatment, I would have laughed in your face! I don't think any of us ever thought we would be in this boat.
Anyway, you could relate to me, huh? Well, I can defintely relate to you, too. I knew it was bad when my boyfriend's birthday came around in April and some friends were all getting together at a restaurant to celebrate. I didn't go. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? I was in the throws of addiction at the time and was low on pills. I was feeling that anxiety you get from not knowing where your next bottle of pills is gonna come from. The last thing I wanted to do was go sit with a bunch of happy people and try to have fun. He was so hurt and dissapointed. The look on his face alone was enough to make me want to stop this insanity!
Anyway, I've ranted enough for now. Feel free to email me anytime. I would love to talk to you personally. angela71104@yahoo.com

[Lazer]

Angela H, does everyone get ill the first time they take Suboxone?

[Angela H]

Hey Lazer~
I'm not sure about everyone, I certainly did!
I asked my doctor about that and he said some have reported that and others have not. I think the reason I got sick is because I started out on too high a dose. That, and they hydro leaving my system. Aside from the vomitting, though, I felt great. I would get a wave of nausea, go puke, and then back to normal! It was weird.
Anyway, that all subsided after I found the right dose for me.
But you know what? The nausea for a few days was well worth not having Hydro withdrawals.

[LISA GIRL]

Thanks Angela! Glad to hear all is going well. I will definitely be e mailing you soon. I have some more questions and would appreciate your ear and experience..

[Lazer]

Thanks dmmt, but I'm already taking Klonopin (4 mg. a day) for anxiety and an antidepressant. I've been sleeping on the downstairs couch for about 2 years now because my wife usually starts up with me in the morning-at 5:30 A.M. She comes downstairs at 7:30 and starts with me but I get a little more sleep that way. Anyway, I promised my Oncologist after 8 refills and calling in for more pills besides, that I would get help if I couldn't do it on my own. I can't do it on my own, I've tried. Like someone mentioned, if they are in front of you, it's too tempting. I feel I really need these but also know that I should get off of them. So I am going through this Suboxone treatment because simply, I don't have a source for any more pills. What I guess I'm saying is that I am really NOT ready to go off of them yet, but have no other option.

[nymommy]

wow angela, that's great .my sub appt is monday 9/18..googled the doc's image, i dont like the way he looks..i know that sounds shallow..anyway of course i'm still going... that's amazing your doc is absorbing the cost of your treatment..as far as puking, i'd rather puke 3x a day than pop 5 pills a day..was running out, now have EXACTLEY enough to last me till mon...i'm really hoping this will work for me...hope he knows what he's doing..he's a paim management specialist..is that who typically prescribes can't wait to say i'm 25 days clean!

[LISA GIRL]

lol NYmommy.. Googling the doc's image sounds like something I would do too. Shallow maybe, lol, but coupled with the weird time your appointment is, anyone might be leary. Have you figured out how to get out of the house? I think since your intake is fairly low you shouldn't have too difficult of a time. My appt is on the 22nd. I would like to move it earlier in the week but just got a whole new bottle of the pills and well honestly, I will probably have a last hurrah next weekend.. Is that bad? Last time I quit CT I kept 2 pills around "just in case." Somehow it made me less anxious knowing that they were there. I think it is better when you are quitting due to choice rather than lack of supply but whatever works I guess! Keeping a couple pills around might not be reccommended by some.. too tempting~but I like I said I think knowing that I could have one if I absolutely needed one made the psychological w/d a little easier... I was probably less anxious than I would have been.. Of course after 3 months I still had those two little pills and well... you can guess the rest. I should have kept them around thru the w/d and then flushed em after a month. (you know what they say about hind sight)

[nymommy]

lisa, i am having my last hurrah as we speak, don't know about keeping pills around..i think i'm not that strong how do you get yours again, i forgot..so we are fairly close in reaching our goals..our appts are just days apart

[LISA GIRL]

NMM...I get mine from a guy I used to work with. He was in a horrible accident years ago and has a legit prescription for the percs plus other painkillers. He keeps half and sells half. He came by today. I actually hadn't called him for longer than ususal as I had the lortab and was trying to just use those to kind of taper down. (my supervisor at work gave the lortab to me!.. That's how open I am about things!) So he called under the guise of something else. I really know he just wanted to sell me some more pills. And of course I obliged cuz I would have run out of the lortab before my appointment anyway. So I took a full order (50 10 mg perc) plus he threw in an extra 10 as a late birthday present. Should be enough to get me thru to my appointment if I don't go too crazy next weekend. I figure if I take more than usual before the sub appt I will feel extra ****py and be thus that much more incited to quit.