Painkiller Addiction

cluelessNJ · #**1801** 07-13-2006, 01:12 PM

Quote:

quote:Originally posted by brett

i am done to 3 pills again hope to off by saturday wish me luck doing much better i didnt ned to go tro ameth clinic thank god

Brett, I am proud of you! Keep going, don't look back. Just picture youself running on a pier. Come Sat. Hold your breath, you can sink or swim. I hope you swim and continue swimming.

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

outdrlvr · #**1802** 07-13-2006, 06:40 PM

Nice going Brett - keep up the good work!
I wish you the strength and willpower it takes to get through this difficult time. My wishes for the best for you

chrish1 · #**1803** 07-14-2006, 03:54 AM

NS Clueless, thanks for the congrats. I emailed you back.

Brett, keep the spirit. Remember these words: "I CAN, I WILL, I MUST." It can be done, but it takes determination, a good support group, and a higher power. NA has worked miracles for me personally. I appreciate your congratulations. Keep us posted.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

Kittie · #**1804** 07-14-2006, 12:59 PM

" I can't be known in my town or our social 'circles' as having this problem. I can't be seen at a meeting in fear of someone finding out. I wish that I could. Can someone tell me what kind of withdrawl symptoms that I should expect from Darvocet? After doing a bit of research I see that it's a bit different than Hydrocodone. Best of wishes for your friend. Thank you for any help that someone can provide."

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Unfortunately, thinking family and friends would help me out, I let everyone know about my issues. Problem is, I have endometriosis, BAD,and am trying desperately to get the hysterectomy that my pain dr. keeps trying to talk me into (which it's worked, he's talked me into it...) but until then, I'm in ALOT of pain and am on oxycodones to help w/ the pain, as well as klonopin (to help w/ the stress of what everyone is putting me through for being on pain meds..also taking anti-depressants bc w/ chronic pain, depression usually goes side-by-side...) Anyway, my b-day was last week.. we ALWAYS have parties ofr eveyone in the family on our b-day..This yr, my mom came over the day before for about an hour to drop off some gifts from her, my older sister and my grandmother. And they only one to even give me a call on my b-day this yr was my 14 year old nephew. Bc of the fact that I am taking pain meds, that are prescribed bc I have chronic pain, I have practically lost my family!!! I also had my car repossessed bc I could no longer afford to make the payments bc the money that was once used to pay for my car is now going to my dr. for visits and for prescription fills. I just started trying to take myself off of these meds (as in JUST started) and pray that I can make it thropugh. I'm also trying to get a hold of my dr. (which I'm sure you know what I big pain that can be!!) to get him to get me admitted into the hospital for the hysterectomy. I was told by a different dr. that if I went to the e.r. and was in pain that they would do a laproscopic (sp?) surgery on me, which would s****e out the scar tissue I have inside causing alot of the pain (caused by the endometriosis...) I have so much scar tissue that I can't even have safe that doesn't hurt anymore bc the scar tissue is pushing my cervix down and it's stuck in place...
So basically, I understand what we mean when you say you can't let peole know about this... I made a HUGE mistake by allowing people to know that I am on pain medication. Keep whatever you can to yourself, and tell only those that can actually help you. That's my personal experience anyway....

~Kittie

brett · #**1805** 07-14-2006, 07:12 PM

yesterday i took 3 [pills today 2.... i was in sooo much pain

thank all of you sooo much

brett · #**1806** 07-14-2006, 07:15 PM

hey kittie im getting off my 3rd opain killer still.. i was on percocets tylenol # 4 and darvocet ... getting off darvos werent hard no withdrawals but the percs are the strongest, if you are just on darvocets , how many are you trakuing and hgow long??? i felt a change after getting off but not sick like this withdrawal they arent that hard to get off of i havent touch them sicne july 2nd i think

Quote:

quote:Originally posted by Kittie

" I can't be known in my town or our social 'circles' as having this problem. I can't be seen at a meeting in fear of someone finding out. I wish that I could. Can someone tell me what kind of withdrawl symptoms that I should expect from Darvocet? After doing a bit of research I see that it's a bit different than Hydrocodone. Best of wishes for your friend. Thank you for any help that someone can provide."

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Unfortunately, thinking family and friends would help me out, I let everyone know about my issues. Problem is, I have endometriosis, BAD,and am trying desperately to get the hysterectomy that my pain dr. keeps trying to talk me into (which it's worked, he's talked me into it...) but until then, I'm in ALOT of pain and am on oxycodones to help w/ the pain, as well as klonopin (to help w/ the stress of what everyone is putting me through for being on pain meds..also taking anti-depressants bc w/ chronic pain, depression usually goes side-by-side...) Anyway, my b-day was last week.. we ALWAYS have parties ofr eveyone in the family on our b-day..This yr, my mom came over the day before for about an hour to drop off some gifts from her, my older sister and my grandmother. And they only one to even give me a call on my b-day this yr was my 14 year old nephew. Bc of the fact that I am taking pain meds, that are prescribed bc I have chronic pain, I have practically lost my family!!! I also had my car repossessed bc I could no longer afford to make the payments bc the money that was once used to pay for my car is now going to my dr. for visits and for prescription fills. I just started trying to take myself off of these meds (as in JUST started) and pray that I can make it thropugh. I'm also trying to get a hold of my dr. (which I'm sure you know what I big pain that can be!!) to get him to get me admitted into the hospital for the hysterectomy. I was told by a different dr. that if I went to the e.r. and was in pain that they would do a laproscopic (sp?) surgery on me, which would s****e out the scar tissue I have inside causing alot of the pain (caused by the endometriosis...) I have so much scar tissue that I can't even have safe that doesn't hurt anymore bc the scar tissue is pushing my cervix down and it's stuck in place...
So basically, I understand what we mean when you say you can't let peole know about this... I made a HUGE mistake by allowing people to know that I am on pain medication. Keep whatever you can to yourself, and tell only those that can actually help you. That's my personal experience anyway....

~Kittie

VTX1300 · #**1807** 07-15-2006, 12:22 AM

Girlie Girl-- You go!!!!!!! Keep fighting the good fight. If not today, one of these days you'll have this beat. Prayers.

Brett-- You doing awesome. Keep making the right choices. You are choosing to start living again. And living life on lifes terms is a key to success. Prayers.

Chris and clueless--Truely inspirational, are you both. Congrads on the clean time. I'm right in the middle of both of you, I've actually lost track, but I guess its been over 6 months now. Man, hard to believe where I was at less than 1/2 a year ago.[8D]

Kittie-- I think many of use can relate to the feel of not wanting to be "found out" by those around us. I remember posting on here that I drove to an NA meeting a time or two, but couldn't bring myself to go in. I think Chrish said he did it six times. This is on of the problems, we as addicts, must learn to get over, and that is learning to be HONEST with ourselves and others. You see, you and I, and everyone on this board have a common problem. We are all addicts, and if we are posting here (which we are), then we CAN be honest about it. And that is a step in the right directions. Congrads, sister. You are on your way to recovery. You've been able to take 2 steps in the right direction.1> Admitting to having a problem. 2> Being honest about your addiction with others. You keep fighting the good fight. Prayers for you.

Take a moment with me to say a prayer for the addict who is gonna use tonight, and for the addict tonight who will use for the last time tonight.

God bless all you, my sisters and brothers.

Blessings,
X

-------------------------
VTX1300 ** Clean date 1/3/2006**

WHO'S NEXT????

DON'T USE, NO MATTER WHAT

Say a prayer for the addict who will use tonight, and for the addict who will use for the last time tonight

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

-------------------------

Mtnskr · #**1808** 07-16-2006, 01:25 PM

Hi

I am new to this forum but have been reading it for years..everytime I start googling painkiller addiction online...anyway I was curious if anyone has ever used Suboxone and what to expect...I am especially concerned about the physical withdrawals from my vicodin habit....My doctor who prescribed it says that within a few hours I will feel pretty normal after taking the Suboxone....Of course I have to be in w/d's to start it but hey I guess it is better than a week of hell..which I have done before ... I take about 15 Norcos per day and have for the last two years...Thanks

MTNSKR

Mtnskr

VTX1300 · #**1809** 07-16-2006, 10:34 PM

MTNSKR--

Welcome to the forum. You've come to a great place. If it wasn't for this place and the Man upstairs, who knows where I'd be.

I can comment on the sub for the w/d, as I didn't use it. But I know there are several who have recovered here who have. I'll leave that to them.

What I can tell you is several of us, me included, use a drug tapering to help with any physical w/d problems. Start and backdown each day or every other day how many pill you take per day. 15, 14, 13, and so on, till you get to the "dreaded" one a day. Now when you get to this point I'm not saying you won't still have some physical withdraws when you go to none/day. But at this point the psycological withdraws will kick in. You will start playing "headgames" with yourself. Telling, no convincing yourself that you CAN NOT live without the pills. My friend this is a lie. You can and will be able to live without them.

Stick to your dosing taper, keep talking and sharing with your support people (this forum included). Just talk about what is on your mind, what is going on, etc. Trust me, what ever it is you are going thru, someone here has already been there. We can help you keep things straight in your head. The one thing you have to do is DO NOT USE, NO MATTER WHAT. If things are going good, don't use. If things are going bad, don't use. JUST DO NOT USE. You will get thru this.

I don't know how your family and friends are, wheather they will be good support or not. But you WILL need a support network to help you thru this. I would suggest that you find a Narcotics Anonymous group in your area. The people in these groups are AWESOME support people. They have been thru anything you can possible imagine you will be going thru. Plus it is cool to sit in a room with a bunch of recovering addicts and see that they have problems just like you and me. But the difference is they AREN'T using anymore. It was a source of great inspiration for me when I started my recovery.

Keep sharing, keep talking, and keep coming back to the forum. Lot of great people here. My prayers are with you.

Brett, Kittie, Girlie-- Haven't heard from you in a couple of days. Talk to us. I've been on bended knee for you all, especially you Girlie Girl. I want this time to be THE time for you. God Bless you.

BLessings,
X

-------------------------
VTX1300 ** Clean date 1/3/2006**

WHO'S NEXT????

DON'T USE, NO MATTER WHAT

Say a prayer for the addict who will use tonight, and for the addict who will use for the last time tonight

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

-------------------------

chrish1 · #**1810** 07-17-2006, 05:57 PM

Mtnskr, I would go to www.google.com and do a search on Suboxone. You might want to also do a search on Suboxone withdrawl. I've heard that withdrawl of Suboxone can be a harrowing experience. I think it can be useful in certain situations where opiate use is particularly high and the user is having a lot of difficulty weaning. The key is to get off the Suboxone quickly before that becomes your new problem. I am only reiterating what I've read, and I don't have any first hand experience nor have I known anybody who has taken it. All I am saying is be careful and do your homework. Don't forget, the drug companies are still out there to make money, and they have a lot of the doctors in their back pockets. I'd just keep that in mind. In any case, make sure you get educated on addiction through a program like NA or AA or however you want to get educated. Otherwise, you may end up unprepared when the cravings hit in a few months, a year, or whenever they hit.

Brett, how are you doing? Keep us posted.

NS Clueless, email me.

Everyone: I have seen many beat this curse, and if they can do it, you can do it also. Get a good program, follow it, and you will be successful.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

sparky · #**1811** 07-18-2006, 10:41 AM

Hi, New to this place...I am addicted to pain pills (alot for a long time)No one knows. I do need to stop. I have done some research. I fear the withdrawals big time and that is what is truly holding me captive. I know I must tell my husband..to really get this accomplished. I'm just afraid. Afraid for my kids to know as well. A treatment center would be nice but then theres the cost involved. I am weak when it comes to trying to wean and do it myself. Outpatient with the suboxone sounds like it might be ok. I need to research that more. What type of treatments are the best, I know everyone is different. I don't want any one to know and I could probably be gone for a short period of time. I'm not working, so this is also becoming a financial issue and a big sneak'lie about where the money is going to get the pills. A vicious cycle that I need to get off. Thanks for any input, encouragement.

brett · #**1812** 07-18-2006, 11:49 AM

i stopped taking the pills 6pm friday today is the fpourth day clean bad stomach pains nausous chills and more but im off i stopped by taking 2 pills friday and sat i just was sick of taking tham and today is my bday i havent been really feelin well i hope it passes , it will be 4 whole days at 6 pm from perks =) i hopoe tomorrow ill be myself ill keep posting thank all of you for asking how i am i was quite sick and yesterday was reallly bad i was so fatigue

sparky · #**1813** 07-18-2006, 03:05 PM

depending which supply I get, I try to co-ordinate so I never run out...i swith from vicodin, norco, vicoprofen...between 10-20 a day depending on my supply...more if I'm anxious..depressed...it sucks always trying to co-ordinate...to make sure I have enough..because I have been out and desperate to get more

JustWannaBnormal · #**1814** 07-18-2006, 03:07 PM

welcome SPARKY...you are doing the right thing, reaching out for help. I know how it is NOT WANTING ANYBODY TO KNOW. So i just wanted to say hi. What sort of amounts of what are you taking?

BRETT, good job on making it to the fourth day! I wish I could do that. Owell. At least I have been doin good at keeping it in check and keeping my numbers low!

Doggy, not sure what to say...need more specifics as to how extreme her addiction is. Ultimately it is going to have to be your friend that wants to help HERSELF

I miss myself

JustWannaBnormal · #**1815** 07-18-2006, 06:24 PM

sparky, try to be consistent for now...whatever the number is, start getting used to the SAME amount every day. find out what amount is enough for you to have a decent day without feeling horrible. of course every day is going to be a little different, but try not to deviate so much...from ten to twenty is 100% increase in amount, but its probably a thousand times more hard on your body. also, try to stick to the ones with less acetaminophen. of course the best advice is to get help, but i realize that is not an option for some of us.
You are only 50, plenty young....your kids will be adults soon (probably within 5 years) and you have a LOT of life NOW and AFTER your kids are grown!! so think about that....and that you dont want to spend it "Numb" from the good things (and the bad)

I miss myself

sparky · #**1816** 07-18-2006, 06:33 PM

to wanna be normal....thanks for the encouragement..i just posted a long one on a different thread...how long have you been realizing you have a problem...and what have you done about it so far....do you have family that you hide it from...

patmamma · #**1817** 07-18-2006, 06:39 PM

Hi everyone!
I just wanted to let you all know that I am still checking in from time to time. I cannot believe it has been 5 weeks without a pill. Sparky, before I quit taking these pills I was checking into rehab centers, I really thought there was NO Way I could do this on my own. I think you can see from the start of this email that I did, and you definately can too! I think you are lucky to have found this email before starting your journey, I would have really found the encouragement and tips very useful. I didnt even know about Suboxone and many more things until I went through the first 5 days. I think if you take it moment by moment instead of looking too far ahead at first it really helps. I also have kids. My kids wanted to know why I was being soo grumpy when I went through the first two days, but almost immediately told me how nice I was now. That was GREAT to hear.
Oh well, take care all!
Patmamma

sparky · #**1818** 07-18-2006, 06:57 PM

patmamma....I did pull up the boot straps when I had to quit drinking several years ago...this seems harder..and more painful...but undoubtitively just as important for my health..it has a stonger hold on me...its evil.....

cluelessNJ · #**1819** 07-18-2006, 11:05 PM

Quote:

quote:Originally posted by sparky

patmamma....I did pull up the boot straps when I had to quit drinking several years ago...this seems harder..and more painful...but undoubtitively just as important for my health..it has a stonger hold on me...its evil.....

Sparky~ You hang in there sweetie! If your thinking about a taper you should really start eating healthy and drinking 8 glases of water a day! The more you prepare your body the better. If you do a taper BE PREPARED TO STICK WITH IT! If you take too much one day then the next day you feel it. Do not keep using for emotional reasons. You said when you anxious..etc... Well if thats your thinking now then come withdrawl time you will fail. Find things to distract yourself NOW! Try to practice NEW BEHAVIORS that can take the place of popping a pill! I will be thinking of you! Take care! Continue to post!

Chrish~ Hey there,

I miss our long chats

! I will email you! I have been SO busy with work!

X~ Always great to hear from you

!

In 5 days it will be 6 months! Crazy to think 6 months ago I felt so shackeled down!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

JustWannaBnormal · #**1820** 07-19-2006, 12:53 PM

cluelessnj, congrats on 6 months! that seems so unreachable for us still in the ruts! Hmmmm i can barely make it 6 hours, the longest that I make it is like 18 hours, and thats with sleeping for 8 of those hours. owell, I guess i need to be happy that i can sleep 8 hours, use that to my advantage!
sparky, keep posting on here...even if it is just to say that you have made it 1hour longer then usual without taking a pill!! progress!!

I miss myself

sparky · #**1821** 07-19-2006, 01:41 PM

Hi there......I went to the gym this morning...I am so out of shape..partly due to thinking I can't do any thing without drugs in my system...I so related to an earlier post from a couple years ago on this thread...a person said they take pills to do something as simple as enjoy a sunset, take a walk, go out anywhere, go to work, housework, anything...I use these as a crutch..and if I think I'm going to run out...I get all pshyced and really don't get any accomplished..and then sometimes I take too much and fall asleep..what a waste of LIFE......So I've read your posts and I'm encouraged that peace could be a week away...that I should taper, wean etc....the other part of me hasn't made a firm decision because i think i need to get professional help...because I am weak in the midst of withdrawals...so whats my point.......today all I have is morphine sulfate...I don't need to take many at all..I could get away with 3 or 4 in a day...they do not make me feel euphoric..they just sort of make it normal.. glimpse at what it would be like not to take so many pills...why these pills are different I'm not sure...perhaps they are really alot stronger..which i suspect will be worse when I withdrawal..the doc prescibed it for "break through pain". Oh yeah..I really do have pain.......Gee..I guess I have an all or nothing mentality about this...I haven't been good at tapering in the past...the rest of the pills just sit in my mind..like a huge piece of chocolate cake...it keeps calling my name...

JustWannaBnormal · #**1822** 07-19-2006, 03:58 PM

sparky, I wont even go get my car washed or get a haircut without taking pills.(and that is somebody else doin the work!!) I hardly even like to take a shower anymore! Can you imagine how long its been since i've gone to the gym, or to the dentist? Or anything thats really "good" for my body, even if it aint fun. So trust me, i know what you are sayin about not wanting to do ANYTHING! A lot of people talk about how the pills and drugs have made them look all sucked up and bones skinny, well in my case I have done nothing but GAIN a BUNCH of weight!

I miss myself

mpvt · #**1823** 07-19-2006, 04:41 PM

I'm 5'9" and I weigh about 185lbs.Four years ago when I was actively addicted I weight 123lbs and I ate more then than I do now.I know exactly what you mean by losing all ambition to do anything.I even debated just pissing my pants,luckily that never happened but I was so down that I often thought about it before I rolled off the couch and went to the bathroom.Jesus I'm glad those days are over,I went through it for 22 years.....Dave

JustWannaBnormal · #**1824** 07-19-2006, 06:44 PM

mpvt, glad i'm not the only one! but dang you was skinny, 5'9" and 185 aint bad now. but 123? that aint nuttin!! I wish i was 185, i'm 230 LOL. I was 185 though when i started this pill junk, so I gained almost 50lbs, in what? less then 2 years? huhh!!!! I dont think it is the pills chemically that make you gain weight though, like calories or something..I think it is the resulting activity of many addicts (just sit around, no excercise) I mean, even walking around the office occasionally and walking to the restroom or the garage or answering the phone and talking and laughing and enjoying life are at least SOME form of execercise, but all I wanna do is SIT THERE and NOT MOVE AT ALL!! no wonder i've gained so much.

I miss myself

chrish1 · #**1825** 07-19-2006, 08:27 PM

JustWannnaBeNormal / Sparky, There is no reason to continue torturing yourself with addiction. There is help out there, but you have to be mentally determined. I CAN, I WILL, I MUST. Personally, I found the help I needed through daily attendance of NA meetings. That worked for me. Maybe that will work for you also. You don't know until you give it a chance with open mindedness and willingness. Is it a brainwashing? ****ing-A-Right it is. We NEED a brainwashing in order to wash our minds of all of the garbage drugs have fed into our brains. There are other avenues of help also. Research them, try one/some, and stick with one that works for you. You've admitted this thing has you beat, so now it is time to find the power in numbers, God, support and love. Go out and find it, and start living and enjoying life without the use of chemicals.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

JustWannaBnormal · #**1826** 07-20-2006, 12:11 AM

chrish1, thank you for the post. you are right, there is no reason to keep torturing myself...except for the reasons that I always make up in my head, like GEEZ this ingrown toenail is killing me, pill, and geeez i want to relax, pill. there is an excuse every step of the way....But what you said makes more sense! I like what you said. I was thinking of starting a help website, poweroverpills.com, even though the first step is to admitt we are powerless, it just seems kinda catchy. what do you think?

I miss myself

brett · #**1827** 07-20-2006, 10:03 AM

i have 6 days now
when does the diarhea ever end???? last year i was on meth , but i actually did it meself but its weird i wasnt this sick last year..

brett · #**1828** 07-20-2006, 10:07 AM

Sparky

when my pain from the surgery went away i would pop all 3 pain pills so i wouldnt feel anything.. i couildnt even go outside without at leat 2 perks with darvos ... its sucks i know but this is the second time im addicted or maybe 3rd b/c i got hooked to codeine in feb my body loves opiates and i always convince a doc im in pain to get that high, but i still have all my painm killers in my house but i have to get back to life and lowering my dosage was hard enoght then stopping teh darvs and codeine and pec last.. i will hopefully start work in sept again when im back in shape, im sill 108- 110 on good days but im a trainer and i know i can do it email me if you need help b/c i sure did

sparky · #**1829** 07-20-2006, 10:15 AM

Chrish.........thankyou....I'm so emotional.....I have allowed no one in my life the glimpse of my true reality...yet....you so get it...it makes me sad that I'm struggling so hard with this....yes..I do want to stop...Iwant to say I MUST I WILL I CAN. I just start thinking about all the lives I will be disrupting..the ones who count on me daily...the routines that need me...the dissappointments....i have to find the solution and get it set up and then just GO and do it...I think I'm waiting for a close family member to get home from vaca..to recruit the support....I want to do home improvement...silly...but those are the things making me believe I need more time....

sparky · #**1830** 07-20-2006, 11:03 AM

I've been moving around this forum....and been reading how everyone has had a differnt experience with how they withdrawal....Dr. Phil had a show about addiction and his solution was that program that puts you out (under anesthesia) for rapid detox with no pain.... or methedone (in or out patient???).... or suboxone (in or out patient???)...or weaning yourself (need to be real strong)......are all patient treatment centers (big$$$$)????....very confusing to decide which way to go....any insight????????...experience....addicted 5-7 years...progressive usage...till now 10-20 a day..


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