[tinkers]

Patmamma

Dont fill that last script trust me it will just start a bad chain of events ive been there DONT DO IT PLEASE. If you still are having a hard time with the mental part of w/d maybe you could look into suboxone it does do wunders for that but only if you are having a hard time because it is another drug i think its better then the pain meds i use it because the mental part was killing me and know i will have to get off those soon i have been taking less of them now so i hope its not too bad i have been told it will and told it wont so ill find out for myself soon enough good luck keep it up.

[patmamma]

Hey all!
Day 15 of cold turkey. I feel good, just one little thing, I was wondering if anyone else has had an issue with this...last night at bedtime, I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I got very uncomfortable, and wondered if this is a panic attack? I had to take an Ambien and a half to fall asleep. Is this another thing that happens when you stop using these damn pills? I never used to have sleep issues or panic, and never, for that matter, ever took anything except for the occasional Ibuprofen.

On a lighter note, life is beginning to unfold again for me, and I feel like I am a new person. If it were not for that issue last night, (and a little this morning), I would say it has been really great. I wonder if part of this is that I used no meds to wean or help me to quit? Maybe these are just side effects. Who out there knows? [?]

Have a great day, the four hour ride was awsome!
Patmamma

[tinkers]

Patmamma

Not sure about the chest thing i dont remember that happening to me ever im glad your doing better you sound like your in good sprits keep it up.

[patmamma]

quote:Originally posted by tinkers

Patmamma

Dont fill that last script trust me it will just start a bad chain of events ive been there DONT DO IT PLEASE. If you still are having a hard time with the mental part of w/d maybe you could look into suboxone it does do wunders for that but only if you are having a hard time because it is another drug i think its better then the pain meds i use it because the mental part was killing me and know i will have to get off those soon i have been taking less of them now so i hope its not too bad i have been told it will and told it wont so ill find out for myself soon enough good luck keep it up.

Thanks Tinker,
I wont do it, I just want to sometimes, but I remember a few things when I want to do it.....One, that day 1-3 were hell! Two, The lame feeling I had when I would take the prescription to the pharmacy..(I felt like they all looked at me like, "yep, here she is, ready to down another bottle",...and Three, I want to just keep going down this awsome path, It would suck to be so close to my destination, but feel I cant make it and go back. Like the story of the swimmer who was half way, thought he would drown if he went the other 1/2, then went back the way he came.Did I mention I dont want to let you all down?[:I]

I appreciate the support!
Patmamma

[tinkers]

Patmamma

Good for you it looks like you are very determined keep it up if i can help just drop a line.

Tinkers

[mrbrew]

Hey all

Just checking in to see how everyone is and that this is day two without anything in a long string of ten more days until the new script. Don't know what I am going to do yet but right now, I sure wish that I had them. I do have my ultram though and it is working pretty good to keep the w/d's down. Still have that anxious feeling but not any of the other symptoms. Actually slept pretty good last night. Might have been because I took 8 ultram yesterday or maybe the shot of cough syrup w/codeine that I took that is my daughters. But I know that there is nothing for me for more than a week so I have some time to seriously think about it. I just miss that good old warm feeling and the numbness that comes along with it. I won't run out of the ultram for a while. I have enough of those to last me probably 2 months at 6-7 a day. Usually 2 three times a day is just enough for me to keep from having the w/d's. Anyway, wish me luck and look forward to seeing everyone in here tonight and tomorrow.

quote:Originally posted by tinkers

Patmamma

Good for you it looks like you are very determined keep it up if i can help just drop a line.

Tinkers

[chrish1]

MRbrew, hang in there. Take it from a guy who has been opiate free for almost 9 months now - Quitting is the easy part. Staying clean is the hard part. Find a program and stick with it; example, NA, AA, PA...etc. The 12 step programs have proven effective long term for those who have a rigorous application of the program. That is key. I've found that abstinence from alcohol also helps since that tends to be a leading force back into painkillers. Like I said, I am almost 9 months clean, but remember I was exactly where you were 9 months ago, so I know exactly how you feel. If I can do it, so can you. Anyway, I hope that helps a little.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[tinkers]

Hi Everyone

Hope that you all are doing good today i know i have been feeling a little slugish these past few days i hope it dont last long. You know who you are keep up the hard work and we will get through this.

[patmamma]

Hey everyone!
I just thought I would say hello! I am at the end of day 16 and I feel fine! I think the worst is over! Just remember, it always seems darkest before the dawn.
Bye for now,
Patmamma

[chrish1]

Hi everyone. I know sometimes I may sound like a broken record, but I can't emphasize enough the power of the 12 step programs like NA, AA, CA, PA...etc. THEY WORK! I don't have that much clean time compared with others I have met in the programs. My 9 months clean is still pretty much newbie status. I meet people all the time with 20+ years clean. In order to maintain clean time, it requires work.

We put so much effort into getting high, and now we need to put the effort into getting clean. It can be done.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[mrbrew]

Hey all,

Well, day 4 and this sucks!! I'm pretty good at night and am sleeping alright with the ultram. But once I wake up that is it. There is not a chance that I can get back to sleep. I just lay there and toss and turn. It gets to the point where I just have to get up and do something. I have been getting to work extremely early for the last few days. The ultram seems to be working o.k. during the day to keep the w/d's down but my stomach is doing flips all over the place. I think that is the worst part of the whole thing. I have never been one that likes nervousness or restlessness at all. I hate the butterflies. I just wish I had some hydros. Just a few to get me by so that I could taper. (yeah right huh?) But I am serious. I want to quit but this cold turkey thing is the absolute worst. If I could wean off I think I would do alright. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have the ultram. I would be climbing the walls. I just hate this feeling. Why do we do this to ourselves? This addiction thing is just wrong. God had a seriously bad day when he invented this monster. I want to just crawl under a rock right now. I don't know.
I'll check back in later.

mrbrew

[abey042000]

Mrbrew~
Hello, I've been following your posts, and wanted to let you know your in my thoughts. I have been where u are lots of times! I know its horrible and sucks! What I would do is, I'd get my month RX for percs and they'd be gone in 4 days. So then I'd suffer for 3 weeks till my next fill. I would usually try several diffrent tactics though in between to get a few here and a few there. I never had probs with sleep as thats all i would want to do so I didnt have to crave them dang pills. Do you have legite pain that u take pills for? How many hydros do u take in a day? Anyways, stay around here and keep posting even at your worst times. Their are absolutely wonderful people here that will get you through the rougest of times. I am not clean myself, although I have been giving my hubby my meds to give to me, so I try not to abuse them. I go to pain spec. today to see about something stronger than percs that dont even begin to help my pain anyways, plus they usually only last about 2 hours. Its sad we get stuck in such a hard place huh?

[tinkers]

mrbrew

Sorry to hear about your w/d ive been there so many time as have the rest of us im suprised to hear that the ultram dont work better for the w/d i know i would always use them as a last resort and they would help alot as for sleep why dont you try some otc sleep aid they do help i still use them now and ive been off hydro for about 3 months. you have to decide if you want to quit at this point call your docs have them cut you off you know that after a few days or weeks off the pills you will say that this time i will ween or ill take them how im supose to you know its not going to happen you have to put a stop to you sourses and stop now stop hanging with the people that you would get them from if that the case people places and things you have to change them now i sound like chris n/a but hay try that it might work for you what ever it take if you want to quit but no one can dicide that but you good luck ill try to help if i can but you have to want to quit too do it unless your just trying to pass time untill your next script.

patmamma

how are you congrats on 16 days man you sure are determined i wish i had your determination keep it up.

[mrbrew]

Tinkers and Abbey,

Thanks for the great words of encouragement. I truly do want to quit but it is so d**n hard!! It's also absolutely pathetic (i think) that a 31 year old person like myself that has a lot going for him and has a great position in the miltary, is addicted to painkillers. To answer your question abbey, I take 10-13 10/500 hydros a day when I have them. My script only alots me 4 a day but we all know where the others come from. Usually I have enough to get me by to the next script but this time around for some reason, (We all know why, I took more than usual) I ran out. And now I am paying dearly for it. Today hasn't been too bad. when I wrote this morning I had just gotten to work and not even ten minutes before that taken my first two ultram of the day so I was pretty antsy. Now, it being noon, it's not too bad. I am keeping busy and having to walk back and forth sometimes to different offices so the exercise is making me feel pretty good too. And to answer your other question, yes I do take them for legitimite pain. I have a torn ligament and ruptured/herniated disc at L5 that I am getting ready to have a discogram done on on the 12th of July. Needless to say, that without the hydros, my back is absolutely killing me. The ultram doesn't even touch it. Has anyone been through a discogram before? I have heard that they are pretty painful. I asked my doctor about it and she said that she was going to sedate me with versaid and fentanyl. But not to the point of being completely under. She has to keep me awake just in case she hits my siatic nerve. I guess I need to be awake to let her know. So anyway, that is me right now. Not doing bad at this moment anyhow. What I have seems to be working. So I will be back in here in a little while. I am going to go and see if I can hold down some lunch.

mrbrew

[outdrlvr]

Mr.Brew

I've been through withdrawal also, as recently as few weeks ago, and lasted almost three weeks cold turkey - nothing except tiny chunks of diazepam so I could sleep at night.
I found without taking anything my pain just hampers my day and I can't get anything done. So now Im on the time release morphine which lasts all day, then one at night time. I've kept to lower than prescribed dose, I found after taking nothing for three weeks they are much more effective - and for now that will work for me.
My hope is to one day kick these in forever, but I have to wait until my back heals just that bit more. I have a ligament in my back that's strained due to overuse (lifting my late hubby in and out of bed everyday took its toll on my back...)
All I can say is hang in there, I've never had ultram so I don't know how it effective it is for the withdrawal symptoms, but lots of water helps flush out the toxins.
It's not pathetic, you have a legitimate reason for the painkillers, as do many of us here. And saying no to that euphoria they give you is like asking a kid to say no to candy.
Quitting for smokers is hard, quitting alcohol for alcoholics is hard - and though none of these are impossible it's not easy.
Be gentle on yourself, being hard on yourself will only add to your stressload. Trust me I know!

[patmamma]

Hey there everyone....

Thanks Tinkers, I have been really determined. I have quit even thinking about the pills at all now. Day 17? I even found myself forgetting how many days its been today. Thank God. I think I get bored really easy though, that can be trouble.[}]

Hope all is well with everyone, I will stay in touch.

Patmamma

[abey042000]

Mrbrew~
Just wondering how your doing tonight? I hope your days are getting better for you. I know what you mean about the pain. I also have t herniated torn discs in my L5-L4. It's very painful. Ya know, after reading these postings all the time, I have heard of so many people having torn or herniated discs in the same exact area. L4-L5. I also took ultram and I dont think they even took my edge off. To me they were useless. I've never heard of that procedure your having done. The thought of being awake to let the doc know about hitting a nerve, incase, wow thats terrifying to me. Keep me informed on your condition and your will be in my prayers tonight. What branch of military are u in?

[girlie girl]

Hey guys. I hopr everyone is doing good tonight. You are all in my prayers. We dont have to fight this battle alone.

Chrish, its good to hear from and Im really thinking about fing a NA meeting near my house. Its scary as hell but losing controll of my life seem a lot more scarier.

Abey, how are you doing tapering off, love? How have thw wds been for you.Im still on about 8 loratab/10's a day. It went for 3 a day to 8-10 so quit. I have been playing with the pills for a little over a year...but this past 8 months have been full blown addiction. I crave first thing in the morning. Sometimes in the middle of the night. I have a beautiful four year old baby girl. I have to get my self back together for her. I have chrones disese so I do get alot of my pills from my dr...but the rest im get through friends. It consumes almost every waking hour of my day...when can I have my next pill. I make my self feel like **** all the time by taking to many but Im right back at it the next day. I have no family or friends that really know about my addiction.

PatMama, you are doing so good sweetie!! I always love it when one of us make it...it does give me hope. I heard a scary statistic about that drug crystal meth...suppostly if you are a user for only a 6 month period you only have 10% chance of every getting clean. Im not sure if that true or not but I will never touch that ****. I wonder if anyof yall know what are chances are of getting really clean off pain meds? I hope like 90% I think Im getting close to rock bottom and Im scared.

Mr Brew, I could have written the post you wrote about your addiction...almost the same amount...same 10's. The biggest fear for me is if I ever do get off this **** will I be able to say if I get prescribed them still. Is htere no way to use these meds only as needed if youare a true addict. I wish all of you the best and thanks so much for listing to my rambling. There has to be brighter days ahead. I hope today can be a good start in the right direction. Love Ya'll, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[patmamma]

Girlie Girl,
I know what you mean. After my last cycling accident, I was taking alot of pills, and every 4 hours would take more. I felt like I was supposed to, but deep inside, I struggled with the side of me that knew I liked them, I always took a little more than I was supposed to. It is amazing to me how we all do that. Just take a little more than we are supposed to. I guess when you have this big, full bottle of meds, its easy. Then, you start to see the bottom of the bottle and you begin to freak out. I would ration, like I was going to die if I had to go a day. I dont think I ever, in four years, made it more than 4 days without them. Then, like all of us, I knew deep inside that I couldnt do it to myself anymore. I cant believe it took me so long to figure that out and to be brave enough to admit it and to see that resolve through, but already I am thinking it was easier than it was. Almost like childbirth....and I think that is where the danger can be. You begin to think you have more control than you do, when the reality is, it doesnt seem like there are many strong enough to handle these pills in a safe way. I think you are brave to be here...when you are ready to really kick this things a**, you WILL do it!!!!! I NEVER would believe that I could, but I took it one hour, one night, then one day at a time, and it did get better.
Keep up the positive attitude everyone.

Mrbrew, hang in there. I think you are brave.
Patmamma[:I]

[mrbrew]

Morning all,

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words over the past few days.
Well today is another day. Slowly getting a little bit better. Still hanging in there though. I have a doctor's appt. this afternoon and will more than likely have the opportunity to get some kind of meds. My hydro script is not due for another eight days or so, so I know that I won't get any of those today. But the topic of discussion from what the docs asst. said this morning was, breakthrough medications for the really tough times. Well, I don't know how I feel about that at all. I have tried the timed release morphine pills (30mg) on top of the hydros and I didn't really care for them very much. I was recently (a couple months ago) given a script for sixty 20mg oxys. I had been on them before ( a few years ago)and that was not a very good drug. I liked it way too much and it got me into trouble. But this last time I took them I had a bad reaction to them and couldn't take them. Today I don't know what drug will be the topic of choice. The hydros work wonders for my pain but there is also the underlying fact that I like them too much. There was the mention of methadone the first time that I ever saw him but he wanted to use that as a last resort due to abuse. Funny how the other drugs that were mentioned didn't seem to fit into that category but who knows. Maybe he has just had a bad experience with another paitent and that medication. But I just don't know how I feel about having another drug thrown on top of the hydros. What then? That is just doubling my choices of drugs. I might just wait until my script is due, see how I feel and go from there. Today is going pretty good. Let's just see what happens today and I will let you all know this afternoon. Take care all.

abbey, to answer your question I am in the navy and stationed in the D.C metro area.

mrbrew

[abey042000]

Mrbrew~

It sounds like your not doing to bad today? Thats good. I wonder what other options your doctor will have for you?! Their have been a few people here who have mentioned methadone for me, and for some reason it scares me. To me its like trading one drug for another, and from what I understand is more addictive and harder to come off of then the others. I certainly dont need that! I hope your pain is doing okay today. Mine seems to be under control so far, but of course with the help of percs. Hey have u tried those? I prefer the percs which is oxycodone over the vics (hydros) for my pain. I think their actually 1.5 times stronger than hydros also. Take care my friend and get back with us.

[brett]

hi im bRett. i just had stomach surgery last thursday, june 22, and im on a cocktail of painkillers. im on percocets, darvocets, and tylenol # 4... last eayr io had almost the same surgery and i got hoopked soo fast. this year i have been on the pills on off since april. now im taking them much more often, and if i dont i gte sick... i told my mother i feel the addiction like last year and she said no the doc gave you directions how to tker the pills, but i losty 8 pounds in less than one week, i am a ;personal trainer and all muscle and i an like boney right now ... i need help please write me

[mpvt]

Hi Brett: You might want to look into suboxone (buprenorphene) at www.suboxone.com there you can read up on what it is and what it does.Your a perfect canadate for suboxone,you can go about your work or whatever while taking this.There is a doctor locator on this site.Get a list of all the prescribing doctors in your area and start phoning for an app.This drug is performing miracles for alot of addicts in the same position as you.Good luck....Dave

[brett]

well i just called my doc and he told me not to stop taking the pills
if i miss adosage i am sooo illl i was opn methadone last year when i ran out of my pills i hope i dont go down taht road again
if i didnt have the surgery i wouldnt have these pills in my house
thats why i kept putting it off and off and i controlled my self with the oxycodone in the bginning but now its my breakfast , my ex fiance just cam eover and i flipped on him i know its the pills not me im sooo scard

[cluelessNJ]

Hey Brett, Hang in there. Is the doctor putting you on something else? Did he just tell you to stop cold turkey? I will keep you in my thoughts.



Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[tinkers]

Hi all

Hope you guys/gals are doing well it sounds like there is alot of mental addiction going on more than physical rember this alot of got addicted to pain pills because at one point we had some form of injury disc, joints and so on, the pills were ment to help short term untill the pain went away. Well one thing i know is that when your an addict your pain never goes away it just gets worse thats the addict in you, your mind telling you that you need these pills to survive but its all BS you and you body fell in love with the feeling these pills gave you ie super mom/dad great worker and so on but its not true its all in your mind to keep you strung out and the doctors want you to stay that way so you keep coming back just because it says MD on the door dosent mean he is responsible its easy money for him he knows your going to keep coming back and complaining and if you have a film with some sort of problem ie bulged disc then he can leagally keep giving you pills because there is no way to tell if you are in true pain i have been to some good doctors and they all said that a bulged disc is not a big problem and that many people have them sure they may act up from time to time but its not a reason to stay on narc full time. Just something to think about sorry for going on but it really makes me mad at what has happened to my life and others because of these pills and the doctors giving them out so lightly for a stubbed toe on that note if i can help anyone pleasew just drop a note and other [u]please</u>look deep inside your self and try to see if what im saying applies to you and for you that need them for ture pain good luck.

[cluelessNJ]

Tinkers~ Hey there. Doctors do give them out really easily but some people can take them as RECOMMENDED. Thats what doctors are hoping for. Most doctors aren't going to let someone blow thru a script in 10 days and then write them a new one. Most people start to Dr. shop or buy them off the streets. It is me that took the pills. The dr wasn't feeding them to me. As addicts we have to stop blaming other people and take responsibilty for ourselves.

Chrish~ I'm looking for you! Where are you?

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[tinkers]

clueless

Hi I guess you missunderstud me or I came across wrong. I a'm the first person to admit what i did it [u]is only my fault</u> as i stated in another room it is people like me that stop doctors from giving out pain killers as much as they use to but there are doctor that will feed you pills i have been to many of them and told them i ate 100 pills in a week and they would tell me ok but you better be carful with these where i live i can name 5 doctors right off the top of my head who have been busted for giving out script without need or selling the on the side, one doc went to prison he was charged with murder because a patient o/ded they blamed the doc because he was doctor shoping and took to many pills at once. so i hope you understand were im coming from

[chrish1]

Hey NS Clueless, I'm here! Email me.

Tinkers, I like the way you have taken strides at getting honest with yourself. That is the first step. Keep up the good work. Most people have a lot of difficulty with that stride.

I'll have 9 months clean of opiates on 7/11!

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[cluelessNJ]

Chrish~ email sent from yahoo account!

Girlie~ I'm still thinking of you! Hope all is well.

X~ Where are you? We would like and could use some words of wisdom. You always have great post. Between you and Chrish you are my rock on this thread. We need you here. I miss you!

Chrish, You get two parts because you were and still are an inspiration to me. I can't wait for nine months. Congrats now and on the 11th. I am so proud of you!

Gina~ You havn't posted recently. Miss you to. Let us know how you are.

Tinkers~ You going strong on the suboxone. Don't use it as a krutch! That **** sucks to get off! Email me if you want so realistic statistics on detoxing from that and methadone. Believe me honny I don't want you to have a bigger problem in the end. I did alot a research and ct was the best for me but I don't want you to get caught up in another lie.

Congrats to everyone with REAL clean time!



Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06