[cluelessNJ]

Chris~ Thanks for sharing that with the rest of us. I just registered there myself!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[Angela H]

Hey everyone~
I haven't posted in a while. Hope you all are well.
I have slipped again and am so mad at myself. My boyfriend went out of town for a week and I got 50 Lortab 10 on Friday. Today is Tuesday and I have 27 left. I have made up my mind to tackle this once again. I got so depressed last night I didn't know what to do with myself.
The thing about this addiction (for me anyway) is I don't even like the way the pills make me feel anymore. So why can't I stop taking them? I want my life back so bad.
As I sit here and type this, I feel so empty. But I have hope. I prayed so much last night. I asked God to help me. I am a very spirtitual person and feel I have lost some of that because of these pills. I have been so selfish.
Okay, this is where I need some advice. I've got a plan and want to see what y'all think.
When I leave in the morning for work, I usually can't come home during the day because my schedule is so tight. I was thinking about weaning. Whatever I take with me is all I can have during the day. I don't care about getting high. I just don't want to get sick. I got some immodium and last time I tried this, it did help.
Do y'all think weaning really works, or is it too tempting? I know everyone is different, but I REALLY want to stop this.
Can anyone who has succesffully weaned please respond? The will is there. I want this. I just can't afford to get sick and miss work or be sick at work. I am a busy hairstylist and have to be on my feet and "on" so to speak. I love my clients and my work is very rewarding. I LOVE MY JOB!
Anyway, please pray for me. I want this so bad. I love you guys.

[jhl]

Angela,

I am right there with you - I don't even like the way these pills make me feel - I can't concentrate on anything anymore. As far as the tapering goes - I think that is the best way to do it if you have enough willpower. Personally, I don't - if I have the pills I will take them. I feel like I am at a point where I need to make a choice - do I want to keep going down this path or get myself together? I feel so unhealthy - I don't take care of myself physically or mentally anymore - I just kind of wander through my day at work and then come home to my family. I feel numb...

I just don't know if I can do it without my pills - I am so dependent on them. You are in my thoughts...

JA

[outdrlvr]

I weaned myself off morphine, for a week. Mainly felt lack of energy - perhaps I weaned a bit too fast, but my prescription was running out and I didnt have the willpower to do it any slower.
Now Im debating whether I prolonged the inevitable, the withdrawal, or if it would've been that much worse. I dont know.
At times the body aches are near unbearable, this morning after a very rough night my body hurts so much, and it's day 7 clean for me.
I know it'll stop, but when is what I ask.
What finally works is different for everyone, I quit cold turkey, knowing I had three weeks before I could get another prescription (I have nowhere except my doc to go for them... Im thankful for that much).
I wish you the best, and stay strong.

[chrish1]

I wrote this song around Feb/March, 2006
*disclaimer: not necessary related to anything

[u]SHINE</u>

All of the things you did for me
when I didn't seem to care
but now I do

All of the times you trusted me
to be who I wanted to be
I wish that I could make it all brand new

All of the years I told you lies
All of the times I said goodbye
I wish I had the courage to hold you tight

All of the times you stood by me
and all the while I couldn't see
your love was slowly fading out of sight

But someday you will see
the change stirring inside of me
and maybe on that day
we will shine

And someday as I light
the candle that we'll share again
Maybe from that time
we will shine

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[tinkers]

Angela

How are you i havent posted to much in this room but i have the same problem as all the rest of you i'm an addict and i have tryed every thing you can think of and the end result is w/d sometimes easer than other but it was always there right now i have about 2 months with no pain killers the way i did it was suboxone and i know some people say your subing one for the other but you know what it works and i love it i dont even think about the other pills anymore i know what you mean when you say that you just take them to not get sick i think at some point that is where we all end up we use to just feel normal "we use to live and live to use" and it sucks but you can quit you just have to want it it can be done alot of people do it one way or the other just dont give up and find what works for you and when you are fed up you will quit i know it aint easy but you can do it

[mpvt]

I've been on methadone for just over 3 years but before that I was actively addicted for 22 years.The first 4 or 5 years I admit were great,I was getting high everyday off of first propoxyphene and then demerol.After that I couldn't get high no matter what I took or did and it turned me into a nasty prick.All I did was hide in my basement for the next 15 or so years takin handfulls of pills and hating everything and everyone.I had that depression for all those 15-17 years and a big chip on my shoulder to boot.
Then I got on methadone and my depression literally lifted within days.Once I stabilized I haven't touched or craved aany pills at all.I'm back to work part time and things could only be better if they could cure my back problems.So I fully support people that have tried everything and then try buprenorphene first and then methadone....Good luck everyone......Dave

[cluelessNJ]

Hello everyone~

Chrish~ Very nice song. Its so great to see you posting still! I hope all is well. I'll talk to you soon!

Angela~ How are you?

Tinkers~ I am so glad that the suboxone is working for you! I don't want you to get a false security about the 'not going thru withdrawl'. When you come off of the sub you will still feel ****py. I hope you are doing a short detox with it and not a maintenance program that will be drawn out! I have friends that used methadone and sub and said that to detox from them was even worse. Just be careful.

Congrats to everyone with any lean time!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[outdrlvr]

mpvt -

I got to the point where you were, taking so many meds I just couldn't feel that high anymore. My prescription ran out last week, and I've spent the last 7 days in hell, finally today feeling better, so long as I keep moving. Soon as I sit still for a bit the restlessness comes with the aches.
But, at least I have the energy to move - and I feel happy! OMG the misery has gone!!!
My home became so cluttered that I was embarrassed to let people in, because that's not like me.
I noticed now that Im off the horrible things my patience has come back, Im not nearly so snarly or impatient with people, I've started losing weight because I eat when Im hungry not when Im craving food.
So far it all feels really really good!
I quit cold turkey, I didn't want to procrastinate the detox by taking another drug.
It's been a long haul, I got sick of them, and finally am glad to be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
I just hope that someone in need of help will feel inspired by the honesty of the posts here... that these substances to eat away at your life, without you noticing, until you realise one day that bottle is empty, and you have to face the withdrawal - without another supply being near.

[mpvt]

Congrats Outdrvr,quitting opiates cold turkey is probably the hardest thing your going to endure your whole life.It take quite a while for your receptors to change back to their normal shape and be able to accept your natural endorphins.Once that happens then you will really start to feel alive.People don't realize that after long term heavy use the brain actually goes through some physical changes like the mu receptors and others too.This is why exercising is so important even if your just going for a walk twice aday.You need to get those endorphins producing again.Remember that our endorphins are our own morphine and they help make us feel good about ourselves and our live's.So eat well,get exercise and just get out there and start living again because it's really a great time to be alive......Dave

[Angela H]

Hey everyone~
Thank you all for your responses and kind words. I don't even think I could begin to recover without this board and the help and inspiration of your posts.
I started the weaning yesterday. I took about half of what I've been taking and it worked out well. Today I did the same as yesterday. Tomorrow I'm gonna try a little less.
I hope I am not just delaying the inevitable, but for now this seems to be working. I know when I leave in the morning, whatever is in my purse is all I have allotted for the day. How long should the weaning process take? I don't take the pill bottle to work with me...I take out what I'm gonna have for the day and leave the rest at home. Do I just keep doing this until they are gone? I don't really know where to go from here, but I do know that I already feel better not having as much of that **** in my system.
Good luck to everyone...you're all in my prayers. WE CAN DO THIS!

[outdrlvr]

mpvt - thankyou!!!
Your kind words of support give me a lot of strength.
I must admit Im doing much better today, with taking interest in getting mundane tasks done around the house, stuff that usually bores me to tears where I ignore it.
I am a highly active person, I get outdoors whenever I can, and when I can't Im at the gym. Except for this last month. Big downward spiral and I didn't like it.
Im going to talk to my doc next week about the symptoms I was having, like getting out of breath so quickly with my heart pounding like it was gonna rip out of my chest.
This didn't happen all the time, one weekend I tore up a mountain no problems, the next weekend every tiny step hurt like hell. Didn't make sense, had nothing to do with my physical level of fitness - so rule out the first thing, these dam pills.
I was taking an over the counter codeine and acetaminophen, as well as the morphine. Well the amount of codeine in each pill is so miniscule I'd take handfulls to feel the effects, then started increasing the morphine - ugh, I can't beleive I didn't throw up.
Best of all my mood elevation has helped me through a lot of this, as well as two very good friends of mine, that I felt comfy telling.
The first two days I had many breakdowns in tears, but the third day it started easing...
Now I hope I can truly beat this addiction once and for all, for it is powerful.
My thoughts are with all those who are going through what I just did, it isn't easy and takes one helluva ton of strength.
Peace

[cluelessNJ]

Where is everyone???????????? Its VERY quiet.



Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[mpvt]

I've been around but I've been to busy to reply.I'm back now to the old routine of answering posts now.Have a good day everyone....Dave

[mrbrew]

quote:Originally posted by jhl

Angela,

I am right there with you - I don't even like the way these pills make me feel - I can't concentrate on anything anymore. As far as the tapering goes - I think that is the best way to do it if you have enough willpower. Personally, I don't - if I have the pills I will take them. I feel like I am at a point where I need to make a choice - do I want to keep going down this path or get myself together? I feel so unhealthy - I don't take care of myself physically or mentally anymore - I just kind of wander through my day at work and then come home to my family. I feel numb...

I just don't know if I can do it without my pills - I am so dependent on them. You are in my thoughts...

JA

[mrbrew]

quote:Originally posted by jhl

Angela,

I am right there with you - I don't even like the way these pills make me feel - I can't concentrate on anything anymore. As far as the tapering goes - I think that is the best way to do it if you have enough willpower. Personally, I don't - if I have the pills I will take them. I feel like I am at a point where I need to make a choice - do I want to keep going down this path or get myself together? I feel so unhealthy - I don't take care of myself physically or mentally anymore - I just kind of wander through my day at work and then come home to my family. I feel numb...

I just don't know if I can do it without my pills - I am so dependent on them. You are in my thoughts...

JA

JHL,

I feel the exact same way you do. I just cruise through my day at work and then go home to my family and veg out. I currently take between 10 and 13 10/500 lortabs a day. I am at the point to where the only reason that I keep taking them is to keep from going through the withdrawls. I still do have bad pain in my lower back and that is the reason that I have the scripts for the hydros, but there is absolutely no reason (other than being an addict) for me to take that many a day. I do it just because my body has gotten used to the feeling and I am scared to go through all the restlessness, diarrhea, no sleep and all that **** again. My wife knows that I am on them but she has no idea that I take as many as I do a day. I am only supposed to be taking 4 a day. But you know us addicts, there is no way that we are going to take ONLY the prescribed amount when we can take more than that. This has been going on with me for about six years now and I feel the only other reason that I am taking them is to cope with life. Whenever I feel depressed or that I need to escape something that is going on in my life I just go to my backpack and open that bottle, dump four or five pills into my hand and swallow them with whatever is nearby. I don't drink at all because I am afraid that the alcohol will take away the effects of the pills. I am even careful of what I eat when I take them for fear that some food will interfere with the way the pills make me feel. I am in a bad place now and I need to quit. But bringing it up to my wife and family AGAIN will lead to nothing but huge problems. The pills are not really affecting my home life (that I can tell) I mean, I am still extremely affectionate and loving. I play with my kids, spend time with them and I am never late for work. They are not really effecting me finacially. Most of my bills get paid each month (when I have enough money to pay them. I am one of those paycheck to paycheck people) and I am not spending money on the pills when I don't have it. I am just plain sick and tired of this but I am also scard ----less of having to go through the wd's again. Suboxone is not an option due to being in the military so I either have to wean or just bear through it. I also have a script of ultram that I have found works great when I don't have the hydros. They keep me from going through the wd's. But they don't give me anything in return.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that there are others of us out there that feel the same way. Just plain sick and tired.
I will write later.

mrbrew

[mpvt]

Why is suboxone out when your already taking a narcotic???What about going on a sustained release pain killer???Hydro's aren't very good for long term use as you've found out,I used to take 150 percocets a day when I got a hold of them and really they were shet.Have a good day.....Dave

[mrbrew]

quote:Originally posted by mpvt

Why is suboxone out when your already taking a narcotic???What about going on a sustained release pain killer???Hydro's aren't very good for long term use as you've found out,I used to take 150 percocets a day when I got a hold of them and really they were shet.Have a good day.....Dave

I cant't take it #1 because it's use is primarily for withdrawl from opiates and I would have to admit to being heavily addicted to opiates to have it prescribed to me. #2, admitting that you are heavily addicted to painkillers when you are in the military is a no no. I could get booted out. I have already been through treatment in the military because of oxy's 3 years ago. If I have a second episode, then that is it. And #3, there are no military doctors that are certified to prescribe suboxone. I would have to go out in town and be seen by another civilian doctor for that and getting a referral for that is like trying to pull teeth out of a newborn baby. It just won't happen. So I will either have to tough it out or stick with the ultram and hope that that gets me through the tough times. Whenever I decide once again that time has come.
mrbrew

[mpvt]

I see what you mean.What about using the Ultram and alot of imodium ad.Imodium AD is an opiate but it doesn't cross the blood brain barrier so it won't interfere with your withdrawl process but it will help alot.Also drink lots of sport drinks like gatorade as it replaces electrolytes.Have advil gel caps handy anf tylenol night time to help you sleep.Good luck......Dave

[tinkers]

What Imodium AD is an opiate? I dont know where you live but where i'm from they dont sell opiates over the counter

[cluelessNJ]

quote:Originally posted by tinkers

What Imodium AD is an opiate? I dont know where you live but where i'm from they dont sell opiates over the counter

Its called Immodium AD!
Immodium AD is an opiate but it doesn't cross the blood brain barrier so it won't interfere with your withdrawl process but it will help alot. I know people that have used it to help with their detox. I went cold turkey off oxys and used immodium ad for almost a month!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[outdrlvr]

I've been using miniscule amounts of Immodium for the last two weeks (withdrawal).
Today's the first day I haven't had to take any at all, so far. I wanted my body to clean up on it's own, although it hasn't been pleasant. Stomach cramps are harsh, I'll probably have to take a tiny chunk (the chewables are easy to break into small pieces) so I can head out tonight without worrying.

[kwh33708]

quote:Originally posted by CheySapphire

Hi! My name is Susan and I have a Addiction to Painkillers,Like percocets,viks and sometimes oc if my withdrawls are bad and that is all I can get, please help anyone, I need to get off for one I can't afford the habit, and it is getting worst, I have been taking them for about 4 years now, I feel like the control me, that I don't have a life.If I don't have them, I feel light headed, am in the bathroom all day, can't sleep, can't move, if I could stop without all the sickness I will be fine, I losed my mother at 15 teen over drugs, I said I would never be her and here I am now being her. Sometimes I have even thought of deaf to deal with this, I know that at the answer but what do I have left nothing or no one to help me or stand behide me, and am so scared. Thank Susan

Susan37 Mother of 10 and Two grandchildren and one of them live with me.

james Highfield

[girlie girl]

Hey Guys. How is everyone doing? I have been out of town for a while in Louisanna visiting family. Im still using But I just wanted to stop by and say hi. Clueless, Chrish, X, I hope ya'll are still doing good. I have only been getting deeper into my addiction and I hate my self so much. I'll write again soon...just missed u guys.

Girlie Girl

[abey042000]

Hey girly girl!
Its nice to hear from you. I know how hard it is to stop using as I have been trying several times but today is day 3 without anything. Even after going thru harsh withdraw, the so many times i give in to the cravings, then find myself being ashamed and not really feeling awhole lot better after takin them'. I hope and pray for us both that 1 day we'll be able to STAY clean.

[chrish1]

Hey NS Clueless, yes I guess we are slacking on our posting duties. I've just been sooooo busy. I'd like to get back on here more often though in the near future. After about another week or 2, things should slow down a little bit, I think. I hope all is well with you, and I hope you get that house of yours sold!

Girlie[:0] - Great to hear from you! Just keep the desire to quit using, and you will know when the time is right. I found that it was pretty tough at first, but after time goes by it gets easier. I only get cravings once in a while these days, and I haven't had any strong ones in a while. Usually, I just wait for them to pass. So, if you decide to give it a whirl (when you are ready, and I know you will be) just remember that it does get easier.

mpvt - I always like to see your posts. I remember you from when I first started posting on here 8 months ago.

mrbrew, if you are taking 10-13 per day, I'd recommend weaning before you quit. The withdrawls will be a lot less intense. I weaned before I quit, but I also used a lot of NA Meetings, which lifted my spiritual state to the point I didn't need drugs anymore.

Angela H - Keep the focus, and keep weaning. Stick to your weaning schedule - that is very important since it is so easy to stray from it. You can do this. You may try a support group like NA, AA, or PA also. It worked really well for me, and I still use it - Over 8 months clean from all opiates.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[mpvt]

Hang in ther Abey your at the worst of it so if you can hang on a couple more days then your going to start to feel alot better.My thoughts are with you.

I remember you too Chrish1!!!What can I say but way to go on your sobriety,your an inspiration to all.I hope you keep checkin in as we always need wisdom in here.Have a good day everyone.....Dave

[gettinoff]

I am now 70 hours after going cold turkey, after having weaned from Oxycontin and Percocet for the last several weeks.

The anxiety has been bad. I am not taking Tramadol for my pain and it seems to be working, but not as well as the narcotics.

I am just hoping that I will feel better emotionally once the opiates are all out of my system. I was in a total fog for years and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I'm also not sleeping and I hope that will pass soon.

I don't expect anyone to respond to this, but it helps to just say it.

I am going to be free of opiates soon and I am very grateful.

[Angela H]

Gettin off~
Congratulations for being ready to quit! You will do it if you want to!
I have a question for you about weaning. Could you tell me how you weaned and how long it took you to do it. I've been trying this method for a while, but keep looking for more pills. Weaning is the only way I know of right now....Cold Turkey does not seem to be an option for me right now. Keep up the good work and please keep us posted! Angela

[abey042000]

Angela~
I just wanted to stop here and say, I'm thinking of you. I know how hard of a struggle this is, as I'm dealing with it also. I will keep u in my prayers. I personally could never do the weaning, as when i have pills in possesion, its the devil in my head saying, take 1 more Abey, ect.. Good luck to you, hun!