[VTX1300]

CHRISH,

Oh my......bro my heart bleeds for you right now. July 2002 was when I started seeing the begin of the end of my 1st marriage. I can feel your pain. I want you to understand something. You were an active addict for many years, and during that time you may or may not have done some bad stuff. What I want you to understand is DO NOT LET YOUR WIFE OR ANYONE ELSE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WERE LESS OF A PERSON BECAUSE OF YOUR ADDICTION. You know what you've made some mistakes, but you also done some good. I want you to focus on something scripturally. God does NOT differentiate (or make levels of) sin. A sin is a sin. PERIOD in His eyes. That means it doesn't matter if you tell a little white lie or murder someone. In His eyes, they are the same. And if you recall, in order to be forgiven by God all you have to do is ask. And it is done. Unfortunately, society does not always show this kind of grace.

Remember.......YOU CAN NOT CONTROLL SOMEONE ELSE'S CHOICES. The only thing you can control is yourself and the choices you make. Keep being vigilant. Keep making the right choices you have been making for the last 6 months of recovery. Turn to God for ALL you need to get thru this, he will provide what you NEED. All the while, continue to hope for the best between you and your wife. Hopefully, she will make the right choice and turn back and do the right thing. If it were up to me, she would. If it were up to God, she would. "I hate divorce says the Lord thy God. Let no man seperate the bonds of marriage that I created." However, she has the freedom of choice. And only she can controll that.

Keep sharing, keep being open and honest, keep pouring your heart into things such as this board, keep going to NA meetings......KEEP ON KEEPING ON.......AND DON'T USE, NO MATTER WHAT. Dude, this is a HUGE trial for you. The devil is in you house and he is trying to reap havoc on you. This is because he knows he has lost you, and wants to stir up your life and make you break. Stay strong thru your faith in a higher power who loves you and cares for you and you will come out of this trial better off that when you went into it. That is what is promise to us in the good book.

I know when I went thru my inital seperation, I was devistated. I felt like a HUGE failure. I know that I made many mistakes, but I also know that I am not a failure. And neither are you!!!!!!Having gone thru my seperation and subsequent divorce I did a ton of soal searching, and was fortunate enough to have a friend turn me to the Lord. I didn't have Him in my life before this. You see, I used to worship my X-wife. She was my world. But it always seemed that no matter what I did for her, it was never enough. I learned that this was a very unhealthy thing to do. I needed to be worshiping the One who would never let me down, never forsake me, always love me, always forgive me, always be there. I had things screwed up. If it wasn't for my divorce and the way it brought me to my knees, I would have probably never found the Lord. And if I hadn't found Him, I would not be a recovering addict right now, I would certainly still be using. Sometimes it's a funny way how the Man works, but also amazing in His ability to create miracles such as me and you. You see we are recovering addicts......and that is TRUELY A MIRACLE.

Brother, I'll be praying for you and your family.


Take a moment with me to say a prayer this evening for the addict who will use tonight and for the addict who will use for the last time. Take a minute to say a special prayer for CHRISH1.

Blessings,
X

-------------------------
VTX1300 ** Clean date 1/3/2006**

WHO'S NEXT????

DON'T USE, NO MATTER WHAT

Say a prayer for the addict who will use tonight, and for the addict who will use for the last time tonight

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm


-------------------------

[MyMindsTaken]

Thank you Vxt for responding to me. I still dont know if i want to try to quit. i dont feel like im ready, but on the other hand i know i would do much better in life.

[chrish1]

NS Clueless - Thanks for being there for me. You really helped me get through this night. I am still not sleeping, but I am starting to see things for what they are, and that is humility and power all wrapped into one. I added a little something to my signature for you.

X - Thanks so much for sharing your story and carrying the message of HOPE. If I wasn't clean for 6 months, I would have not been able to get through the night as well, and I have been graced with recovering addicts like you and NS Clueless to talk with during trying times like this. You are right, this is a test, a trial. I am just starting on a new journey, and I believe that when one door closes, another door opens. I am becoming the person I want to be with new spiritual principles like hope, courage, open mindedness, honesty, faith, trust, giving, willingness, and love. I thought that quitting painkillers would be the trial of my life, but now I know that this will be, my new journey. I will come through this a stronger person with the support system I have in place. I will feel a lot of pain, but I have new tools to work through the pain.

I have always believed in the vow "till death due us part," so this is not on my head. I did my best, even offered to go to marriage councelling. I was served papers instead. No, this is not on me. I have a higher power that will lead me through this. I turn to my higher power who is so much mightier than the measly pill. Thank you for praying for me so that I may find the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Most of all - pray that the psychological damage to my 2 angelic children is minimal.

Tomorrow, I find a lawyer and move the rest of the funds (the half she didn't take) to a new account. I will take the high road.

New doors will open for those who stand still in the turmoil.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--There is light at the end of the tunnel--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[chrish1]

MyMindsTaken, Thanks for your concern. It really isn't about my addiction. At the moment, I'm not sure what the heck it is about since the only communication I've received is some vague paperwork. I'll sure let you know when they do. Anyway, on your addiction, do you feel like you are mentally addicted, and are you using painkillers even when you are not in pain (for the euphoric effect)?

Hunterdog, keep up the good work!

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--There is light at the end of the tunnel--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[Hunterdog]

chrish:

I can't begin to tell you how much your news saddens me. Any words of encouragement that I could offer seem hollow and empty. Quite frankly, I have started to formulate a response several times and only find myself staring at the blinking cursor on an empty page.

I suppose I'll begin by reminding you that none of us know all the peculiarities, idiosyncrasies and transgressions which have transpired in the past. By the tone and content of your posts over the past months, it appears as though you had indeed put all those things behind you and closed the book on that chapter of your life.

People stay married because they choose to. They can just as easily, perhaps too easily in our society, choose to leave and there are indeed victims. A marriage requires the unconditional commitment and devotion of both parties and if one of those parties decides to cash it in, there is very little the other can do to change their heart. I'm reminded of Blake Shelton's recent hit song "Goodbye Time".

In my case, my wife has forgiven me so much. I have no idea why, but she has stuck with me through so much and it has caused me to love her more now, at 55, then I did when I first met her at 16.

My only words of encouragement are to rediscover the inner strength which enabled you to get clean and direct that strength toward the tasks at hand to get you through all of this.

Lastly, regardless of the outcome, we all have a Heavenly Father that loves us more than words can describe. It is at times such as this that we usually feel His touch and hear His voice more clearly than at any other times in our lives.

My prayers are with you.

Please let us know how things progress. You've been such a blessing to me......... and to so many others here on this board.



Hunterdog

[Hunterdog]

Chrish:

Here's the lyrics to Blake's song.

It's your life
You say you need a change
Don't all the dreams
We've seen come true
Mean anything
You say it's different now
And you keep staring at the door
How can you walk away
Don't I matter any more

Chorus:
If being free
Is worth what you leave behind
And if it's too late
For love to change your mind
(Then it's) goodbye time

If we had known
Our love would come to this
We could have saved
Our hearts the hurt
Of wasted years
Well it's been fun
What else can I say
If the feeling's gone
Words won't stop you anyway

(Repeat Chorus)



Hunterdog

[pthelps]

Chrish ,
I am so sorry to hear about your impending divorce . You sound like your mind is in the right place for now . You have had great success in your recovery please don't let this change all that you have worked for .

I don't want you to take this wrong it is only a sugestion from personal experience . I myself have been real heavy in to looking for ways to help myself find some answers to problems that I am having with discs on nerves and MS symptoms and helping others in pain . I stay on the computer quite a bit and on the phone at drs. and alternative medical professionals appointment . So I spend a lot of time consentrating on getting better and keeping my narcotic and any chemical level down as low as posible .I had already withdrew from narcotics once not being addicted but deprndant . I am the one who always says that there is such a fine line between the two . Well this has taken a lot of time away from my family and in some ways has alienated them . I know that I can't share with them because they don't understand like others that have walked that same mile I have .It is not that they won't want to understand I don't want to worry them either .

I don't know what your wife has stated in the papers . But if you were not even aware that anything was happening maybe you to have alienated yourself from her anyways . It is just food for thought . I am not saying that withdrawling and doing all that you are doing was wrong expecially because you have been so successful . Your wife might have needed some extra attention too . I think she should have let you know though . Being blindsided and served papers is not the way to do anything .

I am sorry if I am wrong . I don't want to add salt to your wound believe me . I have been here on and off a couple of times and we had talked in the past . I had a lot of emails from the board so I figured something was going on . You have been so helpful and I think a big part in a lot of people's recovery . So I thought that I would let you know that I care and am thinking about you .

God bless you and take care ....... Pthelps

[dizzy23]

Hunter,

How are you doing today?Good I hope!Still clean I hope!!

Debbie

Try to be correct!But not always successful!

Taken it a day at a time.

[Hunterdog]

dizzy/deb:

Squeeky clean. Ten days now. I am having a dickens of a time sleeping though. My right hip really talks to me at night and doesn't let me sleep much. Never the less, I am doing well. You?



Hunterdog

[dizzy23]

Hunter,
So glad to hear it!!
Have you tried any over the counter sleep aids?
I have never used them,don't know how good they work.Try taking advil for your hip.I'm proud of you...keep it up!![8D]

Debbie

Try to be correct!But not always successful!

Taken it a day at a time.

[cluelessNJ]

quote:Originally posted by Hunterdog

dizzy/deb:
Squeeky clean. Ten days now. I am having a dickens of a time sleeping though. My right hip really talks to me at night and doesn't let me sleep much. Never the less, I am doing well. You?
Hunterdog

Hunterdog~ I am so proud of you! Keep going. The sleeping will soon be back to normal. Are you taking anything at night? I used sominex for a few weeks (not every night).

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[Hunterdog]

dizzy/deb & clueless:

I'm not taking anything for the sleep. I want to be clean of everything and am hoping that the sleep patterns will return soon. It's not really a matter of not being sleepy, more a matter of my right hip screaming at me come about 11:30. Not horrible but enough to keep me from sleeping.

Paying for the sins of my youth I suppose. I fell of one too many roofs.

It can't be because I'm getting old can it????????

chrish:

I know you've got your hands full today but know that we are praying for you. It's a lot to digest.



Hunterdog

[dizzy23]

Hunter,

Good for you for not wanting to take anything!!I know by experience that the sleeping will get better...Hang in there!!!
As far as the hip goes...whether it's hurts from to many falls off roofs[why was you on roofs?[:0]]or old age[I'm getting there too[V]]you know how much pain you can take,I assume if it gets bad enough you will take something[OTC,Please].
Keep up the good work!!!


Debbie

Try to be correct!But not always successful!

Taken it a day at a time.

[cluelessNJ]

Hunterdog~ I was just saying that taking something over the counter (OTC) will help you get thru the initial lack of sleep. I'm not pushing you to take anything i'm giving you my opinion on what worked for me personally. I know without sominex I wouldn't have had any sleep! I just figured it might help you right now! It does just make you sleepy and it makes the leg cramps seem less frequent. I'm not going to tell you it will make them disappear. I respect that you want to do it clean but if you need to take a sleep aide then TAKE IT! I know (for me) quitting cold turkey was hell! Without sleep aides I would not have been able to function! I do feel that sleep is crutial in helping your body recover. Your mind could be setting you up for failure. Don't get in over your head! I'll be thinking of you!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[cluelessNJ]

Chrish~ I hope everything went GREAT (if thats what you say) today! How was attorney hunting? I hope your still smiling! I'll be really upset if I have to force a smile on your face(but i'll do it)! I hope you are ok! I'm still thinking about you!


Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[dizzy23]

You suffer an injury in a car accident, or you have a simple slip and fall, or you lift a box awkwardly at work, or you strain a muscle while playing golf, tennis or working out at the gym. Or perhaps, you're recovering from surgery, cancer treatment or severe arthritis.

In any case, your physician is likely to prescribe a painkiller to help you manage the discomfort. Yet weeks or months later - long after the initial injury may have healed - you're still taking Vicodin, OxyContin or other opioid painkillers. In fact, with pain and discomfort becoming more frequent, you're taking an alarmingly higher dosage than you were in the beginning.

Unfortunately, the very drug that was supposed to help you is now hurting you. The pain of injury or the fear of medical treatment has been compounded by the painful discomfort of withdrawal. Rather than easing your pain, you are experiencing intensified pain levels. Patients suffering at pain levels of two or three often jump to levels of eight or nine after one year of painkiller usage.

This scenario is increasingly common. Today, approximately 75% of our patients suffer from a dependency to painkillers, whereas in years past dependencies to heroin were the most common. We recognize that all patients who are physically dependent on prescription pain killers as well as other opiates such as heroin became dependent through no fault of their own. Their disease is a chemical imbalance that requires expert medical treatment in a safe, humane and effective environment.

The underlying problem is not only the drug, but also the pain management specialists who often indiscriminately prescribe painkillers without considering the long-term effects of dependency. Focusing primarily on eliminating the symptom (pain), some physicians overlook the potential consequences (dependency).

Research indicates that every year nearly two million Americans use prescription opioid painkillers, and in some communities, abuse of prescription painkillers has overtaken cocaine and marijuana use. The 2002 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse (NHSDA) showed that approximately 9% of the U.S. population has used pain relievers illegally in their lifetime. An estimated 1.6 million Americans used prescription-type pain relievers non-medically for the first time in 1998. This represents a significant increase since the 1980s, when there were generally fewer than 500,000 new users per year.

Among youth ages 12-17, the incidence rate increased from 6.3 per 1,000 potential new users in 1990 to 32.4 per 1,000 potential new users in 1998. For young adults age 18-25, there was also an increase in the rate of first use between 1990 and 1998 (from 7.7 to 20.3 per 1,000 potential new users).





Debbie

Try to be correct!But not always successful!

Taken it a day at a time.

[Hunterdog]

deb:

Great post. Well worth reading.................. especially for newbies.

In 30 minutes it will be 10 days for me. YEAH!!!!!!!![8D]

Hunterdog

[Hunterdog]

clueless:

I just might give the OTC sleep aids a try tonight. This no sleep thing aint all it's cracked up to be.

Hunterdog

[dizzy23]

quote:In 30 minutes it will be 10 days for me.

Yee Haw!!!I'm so proud of you!!

Debbie

Try to be correct!But not always successful!

Taken it a day at a time.

[MyMindsTaken]

quote:Originally posted by chrish1

MyMindsTaken, Anyway, on your addiction, do you feel like you are mentally addicted, and are you using painkillers even when you are not in pain (for the euphoric effect)?

i do take them even when im not in pain, then again i am usually always in pain. i do take more than recomended. i do believe i am mentally addicted. i feel that i cant go on with my day unless i feel a little high. even if i dont have anypain killers i will take a diet pill. its more of a physical addiction.

[CheySapphire]

Hi! Everyone I know it has been along time for me, but guess what, I did it, I have been clean for 9 days, am scared of relapsen, someone told me that the pills are out of your system in 72 hrs but why am I still feeling ugy? am not going to lie about it how, I got 6 sub and I would break off a half of one and take a half a day,I was hurting everyone around me even my kids, but I keep asking myself was it worth the quit, I don't even know anymore, because am told that am washed up and ect, I don't want to relapse, I rather kill myself first, and beleave me am really starting to feel that way, am still getting the chills and my stomach feels like am on a roller coaster, you know when it goes down that is how it feels. can someone please help me I need some kind of support so that I don't relaspse,please I know I haven't been on for a long time, am really am sorry but I hit rock bottom and I needed to pull myself back up and stop but my kids in pain. Thank you so much, If I can shake this depression maybe I can make it. thank you again so much you don't realize how much, everyone out here has help people,but you all have really have. bye talk later maybe, am going to lay in my bed and cry that is all I have been doing.

Susan 38, Mother of 10 and Two granddaughters.

[cluelessNJ]

Chrish~ I'm looking for you! Don't make me worry. Call me!

Chey~ 9 days is geat! Keep going! I can tell you that it will get easier. Everyone is different so we all have different withdrawl symptoms. Just keep doing what your doing and stay clean! You can do it and you are doing it! Remember the clean time you have! Continue to help others and it gets SO much easier! I'll be thinking of you!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[girlie girl]

Hey Clueless,Chrish,X!!! Chrish Im so sorry about your marriage. I hope your ok. I really dont know what to say. Im still using and it sucks. My whole life is about pills. I get them from my dr about 60 a month and the I buy about 30 a month extra....Im killing my self slowly but surely. Why cant I just take them only when Im really hurting. I hate this and Im starting to hate myself for getting into this mess. Clueless congrats on 3 months!! Thats awesome. Im going to try and get some sleep.Welcome to all the new people Chrish please drop a line to let us know your ok.

Girlie Girl

[chrish1]

NS Clueless, Girlie - I'm hanging in there. That's really about all I can do at this point. I am using all of the resources available to me, calling friends, phone counseling, meetings,...etc. I have a meeting tomorrow night with a counselor in person. This thing really came down hard on me, and I think I am doing rather well given the circumstances. I am not using, and I don't intend to use, especially since it can effect my childcare rights at this point. God, I'm glad I haven't smoked any weed or taken any other drugs. I saw an attorney today, and we hit if off pretty well, so we'll see if we can make some progress. My attorney actually thinks reconciliation is still possible based on the circumstances and the lack of reasons give for the divorce. It reeks of an unknown/untold element though. I am going to have my attorney get her cell phone records. Anyway, I'm just going to take the high road and do the next right thing.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--There is light at the end of the tunnel--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[girlie girl]

Good for you Chrish!! This was the real test for you using and I think you passed. Maybe your lawyer is right...maybe ya'll could get back together. Have you talk with her at all. Even though you have done a 180 she may still have some hate for the things you did while you where using. All you can do is keep going foward and pray for the best.Hang in there!! Please email me if you need someone to talk to. davidsgirliegirl@yahoo.com Love, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[dizzy23]

Hunterdog,
How are you today?

Debbie

Try to be correct!But not always successful!

Taken it a day at a time.

[Hunterdog]

Debbie:

I'm doing well for now. I am a bit worried about Monday however. We are starting a new project, almost a million square feet of concrete construction and I know how difficult it's gonna be on this aging body I inhabit. While I am still in shape for my age, (6'-4" and 230 lbs), I am 55 yrs old and know that my body does not perform as it once did. That combined with the temperatures which have been forcasted to be well into the 90's next week and it makes for a tough road.

I shall manage as best I can. Thanks for asking. Today is day #11 (in 3 hours and 5 minutes). I'm thankful for the clean days I have had and look forward to many more.

Blessings to all who haunt this board.

Prayers for chrish in these difficult days............ and especially difficult nights. You are doing the right thing by taking the high road and capturing the moral high ground.

Hunterdog

[chrish1]

Thanks Hunter. I firmly believe their is a divine presense watching over me. I have made a decision to accept my wife's divorce, and I have come to the conclusion that it is the best thing for everyone. I am old fashioned in my beliefs, and I have always believed in the vows, "till death due us part." However, I have had a couple days to process since being served with divorce papers, and I now think that sometimes it is best to end it. When both partners are not helping each other grow spiritually, it is time to part. I will go on with my life clean. I have absolutely no desire to use. What does not hurt me makes me stronger.

Girlie, you are right - resentment is a killer of relationships, and it is the killer within. I hope she finds a more spiritual existance in whatever she persues (my wife).

NS Clueless - Hi, and thanks for being there. I will be watching your back.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--There is light at the end of the tunnel--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[Hunterdog]

chrish:

Being a spiritual man, there may be occassion for someone to quote Malachi 2:16 to you. People that have gone through a divorce are frequently beat-up with it. It says:

Mal 2:16
16 "For the LORD God of Israel says
That He hates divorce ,

It is crucial to understand that it DOES NOT say that God hates those who have been divorced, only that He hates divorce it'self.

Again, all my best. The strength which you are demonstrating is inspirational to us all.

Hunterdog

[Hunterdog]

Deb:

I forgot to tell you earlier, I did a bit of benedryl last night and slept through the night. What a gift sleep is!

How are things going with you? I enjoy your posts and what you bring to this board.

Hunterdog