[cluelessNJ]

Everyone is doing so AWESOME! I am very proud of everyone! Its so amazing to see it when 2 months ago THAT was me. Writing basically identical posts! Its just crazy!

I would recommend excerise. I know in the beginning its hard but get your body moving. You need to get your endorphins flowing naturally again. Chocolate also helps, peppermint too.

X, Girlie~ Its so good to hear from both of you! Girlie, you have quit already. You know you CAN do it! I know its rough when your actually in pain. I'm sorry your having a hard time with your Crohnes right now! Just know that we are here for you![:X]

I am still sick! This thing won't go away! Now its really just a sinus infection (I think) I just can't breathe [B)](no big deal right)? Its a sign though that I didn't need the cough syrup! My throat doesn't hurt anymore and i'm no longer coughing!

Chrish~How are you feeling? Better I hope!

Tinkers~ I know you'll be most likely be checking in tomm. Let us know how your feeling. Hopefully you are not still sick! I know you had said its going around your house! Is the whole family sick?

Keep posting everyone! One more clean day!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[ginafl2]

Clueless-I know how bad sinus infections suck! I get them all the time. If it just wont go away there is a new antibiotic out there called Ketek, you only have to take it for 4 or five days instead of the usual 10. It works wonders for sinus infections. I recently got vertigo from having blocked up sinuses, it still hasn't gone away completely. Vertigo is crazy, I had no idea what was happening to me. I thought I had a brain tumor or something.

J/H- thanks again for the supportive words. I just got home from Mass and the visiting priest talked a little about addiction and how we need to pray not only for recovering addicts but for addicts while they are using. Addiction is such a heavy cross to bear. Weather I was an addict or just habituated it still hurt just as bad and I still crave like crazy. 9 days today.

Girlie-nice to meet you. I don't know much about chrones but I here it can get bad at times. Have you thought of trying suboxone for a while? I'm not advocating it, I just want you to know that it worked for me. It took me about 7 months from the time I decided I had to get help until the time I actually stopped and my withdrawls weren't that bad. The mental **** is the worst of it. The cravings, I mean. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

G

[gettingclean]

Hey everyone. Been reading a long time, now its my time to stop. First of all i started using just for fun, it has turned into a nightmare. I have been taking 5 percocet 7.5/325 daily for probably the last 2 years. My last pill taken was last night at 9:00 pm. As of now its been 22 hours since my last pill. My only problem as of now has been back pain. I have noticed that compared to a lot of you this is a relatively small dosage. I was just wondering what I am in store for, and how long its gonna be for. Im going to try to do this without missing work also. Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

[cluelessNJ]

quote:Originally posted by gettingclean

Hey everyone. Been reading a long time, now its my time to stop. First of all i started using just for fun, it has turned into a nightmare. I have been taking 5 percocet 7.5/325 daily for probably the last 2 years. My last pill taken was last night at 9:00 pm. As of now its been 22 hours since my last pill. My only problem as of now has been back pain. I have noticed that compared to a lot of you this is a relatively small dosage. I was just wondering what I am in store for, and how long its gonna be for. Im going to try to do this without missing work also. Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

Gettinclean, Welcome! I'm glad you decided to stop using. I was the same way when I first quit. I wanted a time line of what was gonna happen and when! Let me just say that everyone experiences different length of withdrawl. My worst days were 3-6. By day 7 I felt SO much better. Some people start to feel better after 4 days. Just remember that the physical withdrawl will pass in a week you MIGHT feel like you have the flu! The mental addiction is MUCH worse. Your head will try to con you into thinking you NEED to use. Just remember this because YOU DON'T! How are you feeling now? Keep your body hydrated. Drink lots of water if you can. I would get some immodium ad. Also a multi vitamin. Sorry, i'm very distracted as Villanova just lost!

To anyone else just reading...... You CAN do it also! Stop living the lie! Take back control of your life............

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[chrish1]

N/S Clueless - I am still sick. Thanks for asking. I guess it just takes a while to shake out of there. Unfortunately, like a lot of us, I've never had a lot of patience. I definitely didn't need any cough syrup, since that is really how you get rid of bronchitis - coughing! How ironic. I don't even smoke, and this is the first time I've had this. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. That was great advise you gave - the mental addiction really is the whole thing. It is easy to quit - the hard part is staying clean. Wide is the gate to destruction - narrow is the gate to salvation... as always. We need to stay focused every day, especially in the first year. When I quit smoking in '98, I made up my mind that I was never going to have another cigarette again. Never. I needed to do the same thing with painkillers. Honestly, this has been much more difficult than quitting cigarettes. Most days are good now, and that is a miracle in itself. I need to remember to stay clean ONE DAY AT A TIME and not get too far ahead. That is when we start losing our focus. Always focus on today, and you only need success for one day.

Getting Clean, good luck, and welcome to the board. Please keep us posted.

Girlie[:0] - I'm so happy to hear from you. Keep coming back and talking to us. I think it will make all the difference in the world.

Gina - All I can tell you is keep your eye on your recovery. Your recovery needs to come first, for now. You will have issues with your hubby, but try to look at things through his eyes. Recovery is also very difficult on our spouses since they don't really understand things from our eyes. Only an addict can really understand another addict. That is why this board is so helpful. I've come to realize in my marriage that all I can do is be the best clean person I can be and try to improve myself. Sooner or later everything will fall into place. In the meantime we need to practice tolerance, patience, understanding, unconditional love, giving, hope, open mindedness, honesty, and willingness. I promise that everything will be okay in your marriage if you turn it over to your higher power and then practice from your heart. All we can do is have faith/trust, and then do the next right thing.

X = always a pleasure.

Hang in there everyone. Not every day is a great day, but if we can start having bad moments instead of bad days, we have made a decision to have a better life. Pretty soon, we start having a string of good days. The next thing we know, we are enjoying life... CLEAN!

Chrish





Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[VTX1300]

Just a thought for the day.......Anyone ever ask why?? Why me?? Why am I an addict?? Why does he/she get that and not me??? Why, why?? Anyone???

Ever think about Who it is that we are asking this question of???? Well, presumable we are asking it of our Creator, whom ever that creator might be for each of us. It seems like we are being pretty self absorbed to think that we should as our Creator, why are you doing.....??? Doesn't it??? How can we, as the creatED ask the CreatOR of EVERYTHING, why??

Ever wonder what his answer is????

Why not you!!!! You were hand picked for a specific purpose, and because of the "why me's" that we go thru in our lives, it will enable us to accomplish the purpose that we were selected for. And the cool thing is that our Creator knows why. It is our quest in life to try and figure it out. How the "why me's" can be turned into something great.

You see, for instance, if it wasn't for our addiction, we wouldn't be able to help other addicts. This board would be worthless. If everyone who is here, and there is only one reason we were drawn here (our addiction), wasn't here where would we be???

I'm starting to learn to embrace to possibility that what has, in the past, been a dark monster in my life can and will become a positive thing for my future. It has provided me a means of being able to not only listen to those with addictions, but to be able to have compassionate understanding of them. Because I've and you've all been there and done that. For a long, long time we've been in the clutches of a demon. But when I see people such as Chris(I single you out, cuz you are one of the longest clean, most active members here) and of course several others, I realize thru the grace of our Creator, I don't have to let this thing control me. Mind you, I'm not the one who is in control of things, the only thing I can control is my right to choose. I've seen some miraculous metamorphasis occur on this board. The bottom line is none of this would be possible if it didn't start with our addiction. Thru the power, and grace, and love of our Creator all things will work for good and glorify He who created us.

I hope I didn't blow anyone's mind here. I've just kind of been meditating and typing at the same time. I kind of have reached an epiphany, and was sharing as I was thinking. I hope you can take some time and meditate on what I am saying.

Not so clueless, Chris-- Hope the sniffles are subsiding. So much have you brought to this board. I'm very proud to know both of you, even if it be only in cyberspace.

Gina and J/K-- I have a good feeling about your future contributions to the board. Keep coming back and sharing, the good the bad,etc. We need to hear it all. Gina, I hope I didn't come off wrong in my last post to you. When I was talking, much of what I was saying was what I have learned from my mistakes. I was being transparent, you're post just struck a nerve in me to share.

Gettin clean--Great to have you hear!!!!!!

You asked for advice---KEEP COMING BACK, NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!! Share with those who know what you are going thru best, us. Share what you learn. If you relapse, learn from it. It is ok, just keep coming back. As an addict, you can't do this alone. Just me, we've all pretty much found that out, or we wouldn't be here. You will keep what you have by giving it away.

Now I know that's not REAALLY the advice you were looking for, you wanted to know about the w/d??? Well, in reference to that. I'm pretty sure I can say that no matter what your withdrawl is that you have someone here has already been there and done that. Just share with us what you are going thru. Most all of us have had w/d, but our symptoms aren't always the exact same. So just keep sharing and someone can talk you thru it. As far as duration of withdraw, again, length varies greatly depending on the person. I'd like to be able to tell you that in 2 day it will all be gravy, but I can't. It may take a week or so. What I can tell you is that there is NO REASON for you to use anymore. No w/d symptom is TOO bad that you can't get through it. No situation is TOO bad that you have to start to use. Just keep telling yourself, "I WILL NOT USE, NO MATTER WHAT. I WILL STAY CLEAN, JUST FOR TODAY." As long as you continue to MAKE THE CHOICE not to use, the withdrawls WILL go away, that much I can tell you. So keep on keeping on.

Glad you are here!!!


GIRLIE GIRL!!!!!!!
You are awesome!!!!! Good to hear from you. You WILL kick this monkey. Maybe today, maybe tommorrow, but someday. Just keep fightin'. Have you gotten a chance to do (as Chris says) and "Run the tape?" Have you been thinking about where things went astray?? If not, get rewinding the tape, girl. Figure out what happend, so you can learn from it and not repeat it. The last time you learned something about yourself. If you can't remember what it was, scroll back thru your posts. It's there. Go back and build on that. I have some thoughts, but I want to see what you come up with. We've done it before, remember when you didn't think you could do it, but then you did?? Let's do it again, girl[8D][8D] Always remember that whether you kick this today, tommorrow, or some day you are loved. And we want you to keep coming back.

My sincere appologies for not responding to you early, I know you had been hailing me in posts from time to time. I'll try and do better next time.


Well for most of us, today is the start of a new work week. I say most of us cuz I'm a midnight dweller at work and am in the middle of my work week right now Today is the first day in what I hope is a string of clean days for us. So, as the saying goes, Stay clean, just for today.


Take a moment this evening to say a prayer for the addict who will use tonight, and for the addict who will use for the last time.

Blessings,
X

-------------------------
VTX1300 ** Clean date 1/3/2006**

DON'T USE, NO MATTER WHAT

Say a prayer for the addict who will use tonight, and for the addict who will use for the last time tonight

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm
-------------------------

[cluelessNJ]

X~~ What a great post! Thank you! I needed that today! The asking "why" was on my mind! I had a rough morning and it has passed now! Thank you! Thank you!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[gettingclean]

well everyone, I made it through work today. I didn't get to much sleep last night either. I drank a ton of water and that seems to help. At 9 pm tonight it will be 48 hours clean. The symptoms I'm having are insomnia, back pain, and no energy. The nausea comes and goes, but I am able to hold down food. I just kept pushing my self today. This is REALLY HARD. Im using work as motivation. I feel that if I sit home I'll dwell on it. I don't want to do that. When i got home I went for a walk to keep myself busy, now i'm posting here. I'll keep you guys and girls posted. And thanks for the motivation. I now know I can get through this......

[chrish1]

Gettingclean - You're damn right you can get through this. My first week or 2 were hell. My heart rate pushed 110 for 2 weeks straight, even when I woke up in the middle of the night. I had cold sweats, nightmares, anxiety attacks... you name it. But, guess what... I got through it ONE DAY AT A TIME, and now I am 5 1/2 months clean. It is nothing short of a miracle It is a miracle that any of us can do it, because really none of us can do it on our own. But, we have each other. Together we may stumble, but we will never fall. We stumble with relapses (thankfully I haven't had one since I got clean), but we get right back up, get focused, and we do it. I used every day for 5+ years. If I am strong enough to do it, you are!
X - Thanks for reminding us that there is a positive side to everything. We have an opportunity to do so much good as clean recovering addicts. That is why I keep coming back to this board. I cannot keep what I have (my clean time) without giving it away (my experience getting clean). I think I've had more enjoyment helping other addicts get clean than just about anything in my life. The glass should be half full. Getting clean gives us a second chance at life.

Everybody, stay vigilant! This addiction is so cunning and tricky. It hits us from every possible angle, and then comes back for more. The only way to beat this thing is through a higher power and the support of fellow addicts.

ONE MORE DAY!

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[ginafl2]

Hello, Hello,
I have to keep this short tonight, I just got home from my first day of training for my new job and I am tired and hungry and I want to spend some time with my husband being that I have been gone since yesterday. Love all your posts.
Gettinclean-hang in there it will get better physically but it might get worse mentally, if I were you I would cut off all your sources now. Thats what I did after 48 hours. I want to use so bad but I literally can't, because I have no immediate sources.

Everyone, today was a pretty rough one, I was staying at my brothers last night and did not sleep a wink. His guest bed was hurting my back soooooo bad. Anyway made it through another day, I think it's 10 for me now. I still want to use though.


As for the question posed earlier, I quit asking "Why me?" a while ago. God has a plan and believe it or not this is in his plan. My husband has type 1 diabetes (4 shots a day) I stopped asking why me?, when I met him and saw how strong he was. He could ask "Why me?" every day but he takes care of himself and never feels sorry for himself. He is my inspiration for today.

This last thought: We have all made a difference in someon's life today.

I have to go out of town again for two days so I probably won't post again until wed night or thursday. I will check back one more time tonight though.

G

[VTX1300]

Good evening all my friends, My name is X(Ted) and I am an addict.

Gina--You've got the right attitude and I predict will do well in your recovery. You've learned to give it up to God, and that is very important. Sounds like things went very well for you during your training session... Lets' see didn't get any sleep, have back pain, had to be away from home, BUT YOU STAYED CLEAN!!!!!! To me that sounds like a great couple of days. We, as recovering addicts are gonna have good times and gonna have bad times, but the measure of a good day is weather or not we stayed clean for the day. Way to go!!! Have a safe trip.

NSC- (not so clueless) I'm glad that the spirit that was moving in me was able to find a favorable response from you. The Good Lord always seems to know what we need to do to help others, sometimes we have to learn to listen. Something was stirring in me last night, and I believe He was wanting to talk to you, thru me. So, I encourage you to thank Him for the message, and I thank Him for using me to deliver it.

Chris- My friend, keep givin' it away!!!!! Truely and inspiration. I remember a while back you, early in your recovery and while I was still using, you said, "Part of the reason I was able to stay clean was because I felt like I owed it to the members of this board." Do you remember that?? I sure do.

Gettingclean-- YOU'RE DOING AWESOME!!!! 48hrs on the way to 48days, just keep it ONE DAY AT A TIME. At some points, you will have to live ONE MINUTE AT A TIME, but keep telling yourself, I WILL NOT USE, NO MATTER WHAT. And remember, If you never use, you will never go thru the withdrawls you are going thru, ever again. Now that's something to live for. Brother, you are the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON on the board right now. You are the newest recovering addict, and we are very proud of the choices you are now making. Take to us, take to your Creator, talk to who ever you have to. Have you thought about or gone to any NA meetings?? There is some amazing stuff that goes on during those meetings. You might want to think strongly about it. Working the 12 steps will help you to reevalute your priorities and teach you HOW to LIVE life again, free of drugs. One thing that I really like about the group was that everyone was on the same level. No one looking down on each other, no one was any better or worst than others. You were all on the same level, a bunch of addicts sitting in a room with one common goal, getting clean and staying clean. Keep fighting the good fight, dude. Do me, and yourself, a favor, add your clean date to the signiture at the bottom of your post. If you don't know how to do it scroll back thru my post and somewhere I have written how to do it. I love to see clean dates on the post, and before long you'll be like Gina and be saying, "..it's something like 10days." Thanks

Not much else to share tonight,, no epiphanies. I had a normal day today, filled with ups and downs on the rollercoaster of life. Thru my trust in God the rollercoaster peaks and valleys were not as huge as what they used to be. More like bumps in the road than monstrous mountains and valleys. I had a miracle happen today, that I credit the Man for. Without getting into the whole long drawn out story, I was in the shower tonight, getting ready for work, and my soon-to-be bride knocked on the door and told me that my youngest son, Luke (5), was on the phone for me. Now I haven't seen him in almost 3 weeks, cuz the last time I went to pick up my boys he said he didn't want to come and see me and that, "I hate my dad." OUCH!!!! Well, of course I was gonna take the phone, no matter what. When I got the soap out of my eyes and picked up the phone and said, "hello" he started blurting out he was sorry he didn't come see me last week, and he missed me, and etc. He was a rambling idiot. And I was one happy poppa I gave up the hurt that was caused last week to the Man (I used to never be able to do that) so that I was ready, willing, and (most importantly) able to give forgivness this week to him.

Just to give some background on me, the loss of my children not being around due to the divorce was one of the biggest hurts I had in my life. It was one of the biggest "enabling reasons" I would use to justify using (Man, what kind of bull was I telling myself). I say this past week was a miracle because having my son tell me he hated me,in the past, would have thrown me into a huge tailspin of addiction. It would have been one of the lowest of the lows that I could have thrown myself into. Well, like I said, I gave it up to God and didn't even THINK about using. I feel like He rewarded me very, very quickly for this decision by allowing my son to call me tonight and say what he did. Now, I'm pretty happy right now. As if you couldn't tell, right? But I'm not soaring, flying high happy. I'm very content in the fact that my God has chosen me to go thru everything in my life, and it all has purpose.

After thoughts of an addict to the situation: I've identified 2 distinct times that used to have a strong impact on when I REALLLY wanted to use. The times that gave me the STRONGEST urges, and desires to use. It was when I was very, very down or very, very up.
When I was REALLLYYY depressed, I wanted to use to try and climb out of the abyss I was in. When I was extremely happy or euphoric, I wanted to use so that I could, pharmaceutically, maintain the happiness. Man, what a load of **** that was!!!!!! You see, good stuff still happens to me, and bad stuff still happens to me. Most of the same bad stuff and good stuff that used to happen to me, it really hasn't changed. The only thing that has changed is I am clean and learning how to deal with life on life's terms

Ok, so I lied. I guess I did have an epiphany tonight. LOL I hope the spirit that moved me to write this will elicite a response in each and everyone of your hearts.

Take a minute to say a pray with me tonight for the addict who will use tonight, and for the addict who will use for the last time.

There are alot of lurkers out there. I would love to hear from you. Over the past 4-6months this board has seem many, many success stories of addicts who are in recovery from the clutches of addiction. Some are clean, some are in prelapses, some are still using. But everyone, EVERYONE who is here has a common desire. And that desire is to quit using. My parting thought for the night is WHO'S NEXT???? Who is the next addict to step out of the dark and into the light??? Who is gonna take the first step to reversing a gloomy future which is bound to end up in one of three places. Jail, institutions, or death. WHO'S NEXT????? Who is the next addict to learn that there is life,......a better life, after drugs??? Who's next.......
WHO'S NEXT??????
BLessings,
X



-------------------------
VTX1300 ** Clean date 1/3/2006**

DON'T USE, NO MATTER WHAT

Say a prayer for the addict who will use tonight, and for the addict who will use for the last time tonight

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm
-------------------------

[VTX1300]

Thought I would add a new slogan to the sig....

What do you think???


Blessings,
X

-------------------------
VTX1300 ** Clean date 1/3/2006**

WHO'S NEXT????

DON'T USE, NO MATTER WHAT

Say a prayer for the addict who will use tonight, and for the addict who will use for the last time tonight

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm


-------------------------

[gettingclean]

well everyone in two hours it will be 72 hours without a pill. I cant believe it's been 3 days. I survived another day of work today and my symptoms have really started to decline. I'll see how much sleep I get tonight. I've really been drinking a lot of water and I relly think that helps. Also today I drank one of those low carb monster drinks, if you read the ingredients it's really packed with a lot of vitamins. So far only the first 2 days were really miserable. Im already looking forward to tomorrow to see how much better I feel. To everyone out there good luck and thanks for the support. I'll keep postimg everyday with any updates. Thanks again for all the support. I can't believe Im getting through this.

Clean Date: 3/26/06

[gettingclean]

oficially 3 days whoooooooooo!


Clean Date: 3/26/06

[cluelessNJ]

quote:Originally posted by gettingclean

oficially 3 days whoooooooooo!


Clean Date: 3/26/06

3 days is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep going! Its the beginning of your new life!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[gettingclean]

4 days now and a lifetime to go. Today was so much better. I almost feel normal again. Last night I woke up twice but did manage to get a full 8 hours of sleep. I never thought I could do this. Working everyday through it sucked, but it kept me occupied. I cant wait till tomorrow again. I've actually had cash in my pocket and haven't been worrying about how Im gonna get my next weeks worth of pills. Where Im from the street value of the pills I was taking was 40 dollars a day. thats over 1000 dollars a month i was spending. Well maybe I'll buy a hummer the payment will be less than that. Again Thanks everyone and I'll continue with my posts!

Clean Date: 3/26/06

[jecklnhide]

Hi everyone,
Just wanted to check in again. Its been 10 days for me now and I am really feeling pretty good. All my physical symptoms are gone, however, I am continuing to experience urges to use from time to time but they are getting easier to deal with. I can feel my real, "natural," ambitious self begin to creep back in.

GettingClean,
Welcome aboard ! Its so good to hear that you have decided to join the good fight. Sounds like you are making a great start. 3 days is wonderful. I've felt like that since about day 5 or so, I have begun to feel better each day. Gina had some good advice; if possible, you might want to sever all of your sources to meds. I was able to do that and I believe that has made a big difference. Honestly, there were a couple days in the beginning I am not so confident about had I been able to easily obtain the meds. Hang in there buddy. I commend you for being able to do this and work. Personally, I had to take a couple days off. That may be a good sign that your worst, as far as w/d's, is behind you.

Gina,
Great to see you are being vigilant. Hang in there girl. You are in our hearts and minds.

VTX, Chrish, and N/S Clueless,
All of you are such an inspiration to me with your insights, thoughts, "epiphanies," and genuine concerns for everyone fighting the fight here. It actually does feel as though we have some kind of bond here, even if it is through cyberspace. Hang in there guys. I am happy for you to have been able to achieve what each of you have, respectively. Another negative I have learned about my relapse back into addiction is how it has so detrimentally affected the trust between my wife and me. We are still close but this time saying I am getting clean once again presents a slight look of doubt in her eyes when last time she was able to see my recovery and belived that I was completely finished. I now realize that it is going to take time for me to reach that plateau emotionally with her again. I wanted to mention this to you guys with some substantial clean-time under your belt so maybe in a moment of weakness it may benefit you.

I am just continuing to pray for patience in this matter, and diligence on my complete recovery this time. I could not even begin to see myself going back through all this again and having to start my clean-time over again. I am saying an extra prayer for ALL OF YOU here on this board and even the addict who is lurking and wanting to get clean. We are all in this together, and I thank each of you for your help!

Thanks, J/H

Clean Date: 3/19/06

[jecklnhide]

GettingClean,

Sorry.....4 days.....that's even better.

J/H

[ginafl2]

Hi everyone,

gettingclean-so happy for you, I know how it feels. Be proud!

I just got home from my training. Things went well. Today at lunch one of the girls whipped out a bottle of hydrocodone and took a pill in front of everyone. I just kinda ignored it. I still want to use bad, but as I said before I have no source so I can't. It's funny I think to myself, "I just wish I could get a little bit" how stupid is that? I will just want more and more. I haven't gotten a natural high yet. And, I don't feel closer to God yet. I have had no moments of clarity yet. Physically I'm fine, mentally I still feel like something is missing. Please tell me this mental anguish will go away.

clean date:3-18-06

gina

[cluelessNJ]

Hello all!

Jecklihide~ (I love that screen name). The stuff with your wife is SO understandable! As a women I know Iwould have some doubts myself! You have to understand that it will take time for her to come back around! We don't just let things go......... Some call it a weakness of women I call it a strength! She just has her guard up expecting you to fail! Thats where you have to prove her wrong! You know you don't need to use! Prove it to her! Over time she will trust you again! I PROMISE! It took awhile (and I still think he tests me sometimes) but I moved past the feeling of "you don't trust me" it became "BRING IT ON". I now know in my heart and in my mind that I am clean and pill free! I believe over time our sig. others begin to see that as well!

Gina~~ Girl~you are me a few months ago....I was just waiting for it to hit me! Just the fact that you refrained from using with that girl is enough for me! I am SO proud of you! I can't imagine 11days and not wanting to pick up something.... That shows me DESIRE! You got it! I am so HAPPY for you! Hell if you had a pee test tomm. you would pass! How exciting is that? Thats enough to keep me clean another day!

I feel crazy but I am now at the point where I get excited over other people getting clean! Is that NUTS? I got gitty reading her post! Crazy to me!

X~So glad you came back to share. Even if you had nothing to say but "HI", I would still be happy just because you came here to say "hi". I'm SO HAPPY YOUR BACK!

Chris~~Wouldn't be here without you! Hope your feeling better! I am finally! Still have a little sinus infection but it is passing!

Like everything, it will pass!

STAY ALERT, STAY ALIVE, STAY AWAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that should be my new sig.............(i'll tell the LONG story tomm.)


Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[ginafl2]

Clueless,
I forgot to tell you, do you flush your sinuses with saline? I keep a bottle of it in my shower and try and use it often. You just spray it up your nose until it fills up your passeges and then just let it run out. Sounds gross I know, but it helps so much. And it is not addicting, it's called simply saline, it's just saline solution. It's cheep too you can get a can for like 1.99 and it will last months. My sisterinlaw cleanes her passages out every day. I need to get some right now.

I got to tell you guys I am kinda pissed at my husband tonight. I shouldn't be, but I got home from intense training and driving a long distance to find: no food, he threw trash out on our patio instead of walking around the house to the trash can, he forgot to let the cats out so they went to the bathroom in the house. aghh! We are out of carpet cleaner so i am making him go to the store to get some. Do you think that is irrational?


g

[chrish1]

Hi everyone.

X - Yes, I do remember saying that this board helps keep me in check. When I feel like relapsing I run the tape, pray, meditate, exercise... etc. , and another thing that helps keep me clean is this board. I do feel like I have an obligation here. Ultimately, we all need to do it for ourselves. I can tell you this - at almost 6 months it is still hard some days. Some days I have fantasies about making a visit to the Dr.[}] But, after I run the tape and use all of the other tools I mentioned, I decide not to. We don't have control over the initial thought to use. We do have control over what we do with that thought.

GettingClean - You are doing great. Hang in there, and no matter what, don't use.

Gina, the mental anguish is so bad because you've been hiding behind pills, and you are not used to having feelings. I can relate. After a while, I think you will start seeing more good days than bad days, and then you are really starting to recover. Imagine if you kept using for a year or 2 more - the anguish would be a lot worse. It is a good thing you decided to face it right now.

N/S Clueless, Yes I am finally feeling better! Thanks for being you and staying clean with me.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[ginafl2]

Another day goes by. I feel good, not great but good. I am making it. I just have to keep thinking of the prize. I want to have a baby and in order to do that I need to be clean.

[girlie girl]

hi

Girlie Girl

[ginafl2]

girly girl, how are you doing?

[cluelessNJ]

quote:Originally posted by girlie girl

hi

Girlie Girl

HI GIRLIE GIRL!!


Hello to everyone else too! Gina, hang in there! Before you know it you will feel great! Keep going and going.......like the bunny!LOL! It is such a nice day outside, i'm going out to play with the dog!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[cluelessNJ]

Chrish~~ Its 70 here today! FINALLY, I get some nice days! That means it must be getting closer to your HOT HOT days over 100. []

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[aguirre16]

Well here it goes. Been lurking for a bit now reading all of the stories. There are some very strong individuals on this board. I'll try to be as brief as possible so as not to give you guys a novel to read. Basically 30 year old male. Diagnosed with a back disease known as Ankylosing Spondalytis (sp?) about 4 years ago. Tried Remicade when it came out and everything in between. Was prescribed Darvocet N100 for the pain. In a nutshell, got hooked on them about a year after my diagnosis and was addicted up to the present. My max dosage for the past year has been about 30 pills per day, give or take a few. During this 3 year addiction, I racked up $30,000 worth of debt on 2 credit cards. It was my secret and mine alone for this entire time. I've been married to a wonderful woman going on 3 years this October and she didn't have a clue. Amazing the things we can hide eh? My mother didn't know. She was a "source" for me without even knowing it. She has had really bad RA for about 30 years and was always prescribed Darvocet. She is who I would take from when I was short. Borrowed, stole...whatever you want to call it, I did it. It sounds strange, but it is only in this last year that I've really come to terms with my addiction. I know you're asking, "how can you be taking that many for 3 years and NOT know you are addicted?" But the mind plays strange tricks. Especially if you started with a legit disease like I have. It is easy to rationalize your pill popping ways. Anyway...back on point! The debt and addiction have been my "elephant in the corner of the room" for so long and my house of cards was about to come crashing down. I went over the "talk" I was going to have with my wife. I knew she'd be compassionate but I was scared as HELL!!! Went over that conversation in my head about 1000 times and for about 6 months. Never coming close to actually verbalizing it! Well a couple of days ago, my world of deceit was exposed. My wife happened to open a credit card statement with an absurd balance. She asked me about it and I quickly began to think of a quick lie or excuse to keep this whole thing going. Well, I decided this was my moment to finally come clean. To put all this to rest. All the lies...all the hiding...all the deceit. It really had become way too much to bear! So, I sat her down and told her EVERYTHING! I mean everything. How long I had been using, how many, how I got them, how I paid for them, how I hid the money. EVERYTHING!! I can't even explain how this wonderful woman took it. No anger. No yelling. No storming out. Nothing but understanding and immediate ways to try and "fix" this. I can't begin to tell you how at that very moment it felt as if 1000 lb weight was released from my shoulders. We proceeded to tell my mother. We called my two local doctors and told them. Little disappointed in their lack of interest to help. Bascially took forever for a call back and then all I was told was to look on the back of my insurance card and get info. THANKS ALOT!!! I had a "few" pills to get me through, but now I am O-U-T! All of my sources have been taken away by my wife. My mother knows, so she's no longer a source. Basically this is it. I can take the plunge and utilize the wonderful support system I have around me and kick this stupid habit. Or I can try to find money and go the online route again. The online route got me into debt in the first place. Well my friends, the answer is a very easy one. I'm quitting this stuff once and for all. I have a wife that is on board. I have a lot of good friends around me. I have my family. I'm not going to flush my life down the toilet over some stupid pills. April will mark the 10 year anniversary of my father passing. He was an alcoholic/drug addict. He died from Cirrohsis of the liver. He didn't have the support around him that I do. I remember the last few years of his life in pain. I saw what addiction can do. How it starts and where it will ultimately end. I refuse to do that to my family. My wife and I want kids soon and I refuse to bring a child into this world with this addiction. I won't start that cycle. I would ask for feedback on the W/D process. I've been through it a few times. A couple of days here and there without pills. So I know what's coming. Never really made it past 3 days I think. But judging from all the posts, it's a little different for everyone. I see some people taking unbeleivable amounts of pills and in 10 days are already feeling good. And I see those taking far less than me having a tough time even after a couple of months. So I suppose it will be different for everyone. Well here's to Day 1. I'm 30 years old and I'm ready to start my life. Good luck to everyone out there trying to kick your addiction. This is a great board. I'll definitely be posting more. Thanks for letting me ramble!!

[chrish1]

Aguirre, congratulations on taking the first step - admitting your powerlessness over your addiction and that your life has become unmanagable. This is where we all start, and I know how that feels. I also know it feels to tell my wife and feel that huge burden lifted. You are very lucky to have a great support system - make sure you use it. Addiction is cunning and tricky, and it will hit you from all different angles over the coming months. Keep this in mind and stay vigilant! Keep us posted, and I wish you the best of luck and intentions.

N/S Clueless, our weather is in the 70's and low 80's over the next week. [8D] So, I guess we both get to enjoy the nice weather. Don't worry, the heat will be upon us in the desert soon!

Bentonville, welcome back. Keep comin' back, and let us know how everything is going.

Girlie[:0] - Keep coming back. I'm glad to see you are still checking in with us....

You know, whenever I post on here, it gives my mood a lift. Thanks for listening everyone, and thanks for having the desire to put together some clean time. Congrats to everyone with at least 1 clean day. That is how we put together clean time - ONE DAY AT A TIME. When I got my first clean day, and then 2, and then 3, I came close to relapsing on the 3rd day. I didn't. After a week or 2 I flushed all of my pills. After a month or so, I called my doctors to cut off the sources. My point- this battle is won one day at a time and one act at a time. Do the next right thing.

Everyone, have a great clean weekend!

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[ginafl2]

Aguirre-Your story sounds a lot like everyone elses. I couldn't have and didn't do it cold turkey. I went to an addiction Doc that could prescribe suboxone and went that route for 4 months. But before that I weaned down from about 20 vicodin a day. I am 28 and was habituated for about 3 years. Anyway, to make a long story short my phisical withdrawls were not that bad. Maybe 2 and a half days. If you can't do it don't beat yourself up. I think you can do it though. I have gone without for 14 days now and mentally am just starting to feel better.
The worst w/d's for me were the uncontrollable shakes. My Doctor gave me a few days worth of valium so I pretty much sedated myself for two days. When I was done with the valium he gave me some ambien so I could get on a regular sleeping schedual because after being 9 days clean, I started a new full time job. If I were you I would start taking immodium right away. Drink lots of water. Don't eat or drink a lot of sugar, sugar always made my chills and sweats worse. Keep checking in on this board for support and tell your wife everything you are feeling. My husband was great, like your wife.
Although I had not racked up big bills and lied to him he could have been much worse. You can see my previous posts complaing about stupid little things.
I really feel for you. I will hope and pray you can do it.

Everyone else-What's up?