[mpvt]

Hey Illusion I wouldn't fret over your Dad's drug abuse.He was doing it long before you showed him how to crush.Have you thought about calling the mental health clinic??They have councilors there that would be more then helpful.I called about 15 years ago when I was ****ed up and I found a councilor that I could talk to and just get things off my chest,you know what I mean.Anyway,you sound like a good person and I think you should lighten up on yourself.Have a good day fellow Canadian.....Dave

[Junkie781]

Chrish - yeah, busy is an understatement LOL

Hey everyone! Today is 30 days, no pills. Had my entire family over the house yesterday and it was nice. Very cool to be straight while they were here for a change....

Girly Girl - no one is going to get mad at you for relapsing. YOU might get mad at YOU, possibly even for good reason, but you can't beat yourself up over this. Sure, it's a setback, but it can also be a learning experience.

Hey, like I've posted in here before, I was strung out on heroin 20 years ago. What made me think I could do percoset, vicodin and oxycontin recreationally? [xx(] Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful, but people beat it all the time and you can too......

Anyway, don't ever think that anyone here is going to get "mad" at you for what happens on YOUR road to recovery. The fact that you are reaching out here once more shows your determination to beat it. Hang in there.

Anyway, back to "Ben Hur" LOL

B

[chrish1]

quote:Originally posted by cluelessNJ

Hello everyone, I miss football already! I don't like Sundays without football

Chrish- I feel very good about myself when I get to say no. After the initial craving and evil thought[}]!

Not so clueless,

Not So Clueless, I know it feels good to say no, but ultimately you are going to say YES sooner or later if you keep that avenue open. I can definitely relate since I went through similar situations. I found the best way to go is just cut off contact. Any kind of contact with OPPT (old people, places, and things related to using) is too much temptation for us addicts. All it takes is the right timing, and BOOM we are in relapse mode. Once the obsessive thinking starts, it is hard to stop. Running the tape helps immensely. I had to run the tape a few times myself today. Sundays are tough for me since not a lot is going on (especially now that football is over).

Here's another tool for everybody: HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). These are the times when we are particularly prone to obsessive thoughts about using. When you feel any of them, put your guard up.

B - 30 days. Congrats! That is the first huge milestone, as you know. [8D]

LuvLifeMore - You seem like you "Get it." Keep comin' back!

Have a great Sunday evening and a great clean week!

Chrish


Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[Junkie781]

quote:Here's another tool for everybody: HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). These are the times when we are particularly prone to obsessive thoughts about using. When you feel any of them, put your guard up.

Yup, heard that one before as well as this one:

Q: How are you feeling?
A: I'm fine.

Fine = F*cked Up, Insecure, Nuerotic and Emotional

In other words, just when you think you are doing "just fine" is exactly when this beast will cunningly raise its head and attack. Vigilance is an ideal that must be stictly followed, even when you think you're "doin' fine."

quote: B - 30 days. Congrats! That is the first huge milestone, as you know.

Yes, it's definitely a milestone, but as I'm sure YOU know, it's just another one day battle won. Not that I am struggling, because, quite frankly, it's been pretty easy to stay away from pills since about my 7th day clean. There is just NO WAY I am going to give up this time I have, at least not today there isn't. And that, for me, is the key. I really just have to get through today.

The one on one substance abuce counseling is definitely helping. But what helps even more (IMHO) is that I have a very, very strong desire to stay off the pills. I wrote earlier in this thread of wanting the memory of how pills made me feel physically to go away. While that memory hasn't faded completely, it is beginning to get a little fuzzy....which is good.

Anyway, the wife and I just booked our vacation for this year. We really love Colorado and this year, we're going in the last week of August, with the main event of our trip being that we're going to hike to the summit of Pike's Peak - 14,110 feet above sea level. I start training for the hike this week. I

The point being, I would never have even considered doing something like that while on pills. Now, I am so excited that I can't wait for August to come!

OK, so, two more days off work on this little mini-vacation I just took.....I think I'll surf the Pike's Peak websites for tips on hiking the Barr trail to the peak.

Hang in there everyone!

B

[cluelessNJ]

Wow, Where did everyone go? I have been super busy trying to find a new job because serving will be too hard with all the drugs that most servers do. Its sad but almost every food establishment has drug problems. Some bigger than others. Its just to easy!

Barry- 30 days is GREAT!

Chrish- I know I have to let go but (here are my dumb excuses) I have been friends with most of them since high school. I do talk to them about other things besides drugs and that is why I drive myself crazy. I do want to stay clean and I believe thats why I have not relapsed. Every other time I had stopped I would start using again by day 2 or 3. This is the longest I have gone in over 7 years without some sort of substance. I am very proud of that and that is the reason I stay clean. I do have to run the tape everytime they do call but I know the result in me using. I don't EVER want to go back to the hell I was in. I don't miss using pills, I miss the feeling the pills gave me. I now have other things that make me feel good like sex, food and my dog. Things that I didn't enjoy when I was high. I know I should just walk away from it all but I don't do anything but talk to them on the phone. I would be giving up way to much to use again.

Illus1on- Whats up with you? How is everything going? I'm thinking of you and hope your ok.

Girli girl- Where are you? I'm thinking of you and hope everything is good!

I'll be back later on tonight! Hope everyone has a happy Tuesday!



Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[luvlifemore]

Hi guys,
I'm posting/reading now at www.heroin-detox.com for now. Also called "opiate detox recovery" because they have a good suboxone board. We were into pills not heroin but the board covers all that. (They also have a painkiller board, btw) My friend is on day 3 of suboxone detox treatment and doing well - I am so excited! If he does this it will truly be a dream come true. This board has been an awesome inspiration. Thank God for you. Your posts made me believe it was possible. Thanks for sharing your inspiration, hopes and dreams. I'll check in to tell you how it went. Keep up the good work you are lifesavers.
Luv

[cluelessNJ]

Illus1on
Hey man, its good to hear from you again. I was getting worried. I feel for you! My heart goes out to you everytime I read your posts because I understand where you are coming from. I was doing the same thing but I was telling myself I couldn't quit. I had to be ready to quit though. It had to be on my terms. I was eating oxys like others eat candy. I had no respect for anything or anyone. I want you to know that you seem to have a HUGE heart. I can feel all the emotion in your posts. I am worried about you because I don't think that having pills in the house with you when you decide to try to quit will be POSSIBLE[V]! Maybe you should think about a rehab. I know you have said you disapprove of all the rules they have but you need to realize that being at home with your parents won't be easy either. I know that for the first week I felt so ****ty that if someone would have shown up at my house with them I would probally have caved. I'm just afraid that you knowing dad has them and all you have to do is ask (your parents will not want to see you in pain and just uncomfortable) it just not a good situation for you. I would also give your mom a shot. See if it works out better for you! Keep in touch and let me know how you are. Just keep it in your mind.....WHEN YOUR READY YOU *CAN* DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LLM- Good to hear from you again. I like when everyone comes back!

Everyone I left out- Congrats on all clean time. We are all proof that it can be done! Tommorrow will be a month for me!!!!!!!!YEAH!!!!!!There are too many people to single out everyone now. Plus it will take me a week to write every post.

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[cluelessNJ]

ill,
I hope you will get there soon. I know what ya mean by depending on them for emotional support. I did that for a long time. When I finally stopped I had a rush of emotions and cried for about a week and it was because for the longest time I suppressed all my feelings and emotions. I thought I was crazy! I do wish you the best of luck! I know when your ready you will be able to quit!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[Jessika]

illus1on I wouldnt fret over your dads Drugs either. It is what it is and the way you talk he has been like that your whole life and Probably will be for the rest of his. The sad thing Is People Think That whiskey, beer ect.. are safe just cause you can buy it around the corner at a store. it is Such a bad illness.EVERYONE in my family
are drunks except me I dont drink at all, but i will take my pills and that is just as bad, i guess i have an addective personality, but i dont take mass amount maybe 3 a day but still i am depentand on them. but anyways, What i read in your eariler post, my mom and dad would have big parties when i was little and kids would come over and do the same thing to all my toys I can remember hiding in the closet because when They would get loud it would scare me. well to make a long story short, at the age of 17 i lost my grandmother to drinking which I loved dearly and then at the age of 23 I lost my mother to the same illness just months after my son was born, Just when I needed my mom the most. Now my son is 3 and i am 26 two years ago is when i stared taking the pills after have kidney stones, now i get the some frequent my doc gives me a monthly prescription of them. I take them when I am in pain and Then when I am not in pain, I always hated my mom for being a drunk Now i am looking at myself the same because Of the Pills. I have chose not to take any unless my pain was bad enough and so far so good. you just have to have the mind set and you can do what ever you want to do.. I know that sounds cheesy but it is ture. Just stay stong and be true to your self, I really dont know who in the world your still Kicking after putting all that posion in your body the coke and the pills at the same time. Just be careful. Your story really touched me and I will be checking up on you later , if you would ever like to talk feel free to email me anytime.

Jessika

[cluelessNJ]

Hello everyone! Finding a new job SUCKS! I never realized it was this hard. I guess before I used to go and find a job before I left the other one so I never didn't work. This is just more added stress that I didn't plan on. Thank god I am clean. Today would be a day that I used extra just to deal with stress. I know it sounds stupid but the one job that I really wanted said they were going with another guy. Of course that just made me mad because when I had my interview the entire office was men (except the secretary). I really should have saw it then but I figured it went so well that I had a chance. I think they think since marketing is competative that its a mans world. Or it could just be that he was more quatified. I guess I just haven't experienced rejection in so long and anytime I did I supressed those feelings hiding them behind my pills. I just don't get it. I do have an another interview in the morning but I was set on getting this other job. At least I didn't call and cancel this one. Who knows, they say things happen for a reason. I guess there is something else for me!

I wish right now I just had one but then I know it would lead to more and then I run the tape. Chrish you are right, leaving that door open is dangerous. Today it is hard. I'm not craving the pills, i'm craving the not caring attitude that they allow me to put forward. I just realized how dumb that sounds because then I get up in the morning and be twice as mad at myself.

Ill- You need to cry sometimes. I think its healthy but I know in my case I did suppress all my feelings. The withdrawl sucks too. I think the mental is worse then the physical. When your ready you will be able to do it!

Where is everyone at? Thinking of everyone!

Keep posting! At least let me know your ok.

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[chrish1]

Hi Not So Clueless. Sorry to hear you didn't get that job you wanted. Anger is a withdrawl symptom, and so are all of the other emotions since we bottled them up and held them back for so long. I try to keep that in mind whenever I get mad, sad... etc. It is important to separate your emotions as they come along, otherwise they might keep building up. It is great that you are facing them clean because we only get more ****ed up the longer we use. Imagine if you kept using for another year or 2 and THEN trying to face your emotions! You are lucky to be able to clean up and start doing it now. My head still gets pretty ****ed up some days, but I am getting better with coping as time goes by. So just remember, it does get better. When we are cleaning out our closets and start throwing junk around, it usually gets more messy before it gets clean and spotless. Hang in there, I can relate. Oh, and take it easy. Your recovery needs to come first right now. Just keep that in mind.

Gotta run.... Everybody, make sure you check in. Remember that this board helped us get clean. Now, it is time to give back (to others AND to yourself). We can't keep what we have (clean time and growth) unless we give it away. Have a great evening. [8D]

Chrish


Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[girlie girl]

Hey Guys, Sorry I have not been on here very much. Im weaning myself back off tabs....AGAIN. I hoping I am strong enough to do this. I have been busy with work,my family and get ready to take my state board Dental Test so I can really get a raise as soon as I get my Dental Assisting Licence. I have had a really hard time with the tabs. This is alot worse than before. I feel like I am really addicted....I have gotten down to 2 loratab/10's today and Im going for 1 sat.,sun....then we will see. I hope everyone is doing good. X where are you??? Chrish and everyone else thank you for being here. Love Always, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[lordy]

Hi everybody!
Just wanted to say hello. Hope everybody is doing well...I'm at 31 days, and life is good. I can't believe how much BETTER I work, not stoned. I'm still working on my book-- it's closer every day-- but I just work so much better and faster when I'm not on opiates! I do find that the obsessive behavior transfers over (in this case, to my writing). Is that good or bad? I can just be so fixated.
But Chrish, you're right: we have to give back.
GirlieGirl, good to hear you're weaning. I swear, withdrawal/recovery got harder for me, every single time I tried it. I think that was probably a good thing, since I'll always have the horrific memories. I don't know whether that helps at all. But you'll do it! You can do this thing!
Barry, congrats on your vacation plans. That sounds very cool! Colorado be gorgeous. But won't the parrot miss you?
My older son (who's eight) is taking his first snowboarding lesson today. He has been darling all week, clonking around in his gear, right down to the goggles. I love being a mommy!
Here's something interesting...a friend of mine, who's a pretty long-term opiate and Klonopin user, is home in bed today. The only thing that makes it unusual is that today is her birthday. She has two kids, and her mom took them for a sleepover, to give my (single, BTW) friend a break. But I confess, hearing her say she just wanted to sleep today made me feel kind of sad. Just that desire to retreat from the world, to not spend time with friends or loved ones or anything...I know what it feels like, I surely do. And I know that as a single mom, she doesn't get a lot of solitude. But I also know the pills, pills, pills keep her in that funk, that place where nothing much is interesting anymore. If I can drag her out later, I'll do it...I guess all I'm saying is, if anyone wants to know the long-term effects of pill-popping, there's one example. The pills make you not care, about anything.
Well, all... hope things are good with everyone. Happy weekend!

Nicole

[cluelessNJ]

Hey its nice to see everyone is showing up for dinner tonight LOL!

Girlie girl- I'm glad your weaning again. This time you know you can do it! Not telling you to look forward to it but you CAN quit. I know everytime I would try to quit before I would give in within the first few days. You were a couple weeks into it. You had a weak moment (not to mention that you do have pain) and you just have to jump up and continue on. If you fall down are you just going to lie there. No you pick yourself up, (look to make sure noone saw LOL) and then get up and dust yourself off and then continue on.

Nicole- I know what you mean about new obsessive behaviors. I think as long as it allows you to keep your mind off drugs that it is good. If it was another bad behavior like drinking or smoking then I would say differently. I'm glad the book is coming along. What will you do when its done? Start writing another?

Barry- I guess your back to work! Hopefully you got to relax with the wife. One of my friends goes to colorado every winter to ski. I never understood (we live 2 hours from mountains that we ski at often) but he says its amazing! I'm sure it will be beautiful.

Illus1on- I hope moving goes well. Hopefully you will be back online with us soon. I'll be thinking about you!

LLM- Keep coming back and posting. You are very positive. I enjoy it! I know that this board has helped me through one of the worst weeks of my life and I appreciate everyone who had replied to me and made me believe that living clean was possible.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[Junkie781]

quote: Barry, congrats on your vacation plans. That sounds very cool! Colorado be gorgeous. But won't the parrot miss you?

Oscar (our parrot) will miss us, but we have a house sitter so he won't be alone

quote:Barry- I guess your back to work! Hopefully you got to relax with the wife. One of my friends goes to colorado every winter to ski. I never understood (we live 2 hours from mountains that we ski at often) but he says its amazing! I'm sure it will be beautiful.

Work is really, really insane right now. This week I worked almost 75 hours It makes it hard to get on here and post when I'm so tired...

But the good news is that I'm still hanging in there. Really, now that it's been over 30 days I'm definitely starting to feel like my old self again. Also, the substance abuse counselor I found is GREAT! I've had 2 sessions with him so far and I can already tell this is going to work out nicely.

Reading these latest posts reminded me that every time we go back to using, stopping is a little harder - sometimes a LOT harder. That is because addiction is a progressive illness. It's kind of like having an oil leak in your car. Ever hear of an oil leak that just fixes itself? Of course not! Oil leaks just do one thing: They get worse with time. Active addiction is the same way. The more you use, the worse it gets and the more difficult it gets to stop....

I'm not trying to depress anyone here, I do have a point. The point is that no matter how bad it gets, if you really want to stop taking pills YOU CAN DO IT. Just read this thread and see how many people have been able to stop. Believe me, I am the worst junkie I know. I'm a total pig when it comes to narcotics. In the end, I would get a bottle of 100 percs and they'd last me 3 or 4 days max...how sick is that? Add to that the oxys I was taking and things were definitely not good....

But I stopped. How? I stopped for one day. Then I stopped for one day. Then I stopped for one day....over and over and over again....and now, 36 days later, I am FREE.

Nicole's friend that just wants to stay home in bed, retreated from the world....man that is ME. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything when I was high....unless it involved getting more pills, of course. And how I ever got through my days at work without getting canned or making a HUGE costly mistake is beyond me, but here I am clean now and luckily there isn't too much wreckage in my wake this time.....

Anyway, it's Saturday morning. My wife goes to Yoga on Saturdays and during those few hours that she's gone, I usually get some work done in my home recording studio...today I'm working on a new song that I've been developing. It's a song about addiction. It helps me to make music like this because it's a constant reminder that I need to stay very vigilant against this cunning, baffling and powerful problem I have......

Illus1on - hang tough man. I've been reading all of your posts and hoping for the best for you.

Clueless - you are a great role model around here. I can always count on something positive from you.

Chrish - The "Rock" of this place. You're like Obiwan

Luvlifemore, H3guy, girly girl, and anyone else I forgot (sorry!) please keep us posted on how you're doing!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I'll check in tomorrow morning

B

[chrish1]

Girlie - I'm glad to hear from you again. Thanks for the update. It seems like when you update and talk about your desire to quit, it helps give you the strength you need. B is right that addiction is progressive, and I think you are seeing that. So, just keep weaning, and then STOP. Then, keep posting on here, even if it is just to say you feel like using. Sometimes we can dig ourselves out of that frame of mind by sharing about it.

B - good to hear from you. It sounds like you are working your ass off! Hopefully those hours will taper soon. I just booked a 5 day family vacation to DisneyLand next month, so I am looking forward to some time away also! It is going to be different going clean. I'm finding that doing things clean (sporting events... etc) is actually better than doing them high, but I always go into it a little nervous. I know it will be good. I know you are going to enjoy Colorado - I went to Aspen a few years ago, and it was beautiful.

Nicole, great to hear from you. Keep comin' back. Thanks for the story - That is a great eye opener. What kind of book are you writing?

Everyone else - Hang in there. It does get better. When you feel like using or if you feel sad or depressed, just hold on - Let it pass. Everything passes. Good times and good feelings start outweighing the bad. We cannot be happy in addiction. It make take some effort, some pain, sadness... etc, but our only chance at true happiness is if we stop using. Don't delay your happiness if you are still using. Stop just for today, get through the tough times, and no matter what DON'T USE.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[girlie girl]

Thanks Guys. Yall always know how to make me feel better. I got myself back down to 1 today. It has been really hard. I stayed in bed most of the day. Thank you so much for not giving up on me. I sure am ready, too. Have a great weekend. Love [:X]

Girlie Girl

[cluelessNJ]

Hello everyone! It's very quiet in here this weekend. I hope everyone is having a great weekend! I hope your all doing well check in and let me know your around!

Girlie girl- Back down to 1 is awesome. You have all of our support whenever you need it!!!!!!!!

Chrish- You will be happy to know that we changed our phone numbers. All of them including cell phone numbers. On Friday night at 4:30 am one of my "friends" called and was screaming into the answering machine[}]. He was wasted all messed up on god knows what and his girlfriend kicked him out. Somehow it is my fault because I used to lie for him. Well he woke the boyfriend up, he flipped out and told him when hes ready to be clean then call our house. He is just so sick of them using me as their bit*h, basically whenever they need to blame someone for their problem. Well, not any more. I do kind of have mixed emotions just because I feel like they might REALLY need help and thats the time I won't answer. It will be done on Tuesday.

Barry- Where you at? Still working alot? I miss all your posts.

Illus1on- I hope moving went well and you will post when you get back online.

I have a busy evening (dinner with mom) but will be back later to post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[lordy]

Hi Guys,
I've been distracted and a little bummed about a discussion in the "Need to Talk" thread of this forum, in which a woman named Iggy is talking about her anorexia. If anyone knows anything about the subject, it would be great if you could post!
More tomorrow-- hope everyone is doing well!
Nicole

[cluelessNJ]

This sucks! I can't sleep! This is my first night trying without sominex. I am very discouraged. Lordy, I was reading that. Its so sad. I reallyu know nothing about it because I love food. I have the opposite problem. I love food too much. I wish one of you were here right now! Could use someone to talk to. Anyway, I hope all is well and I will be back tomm. Thinking of everyone.

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[cluelessNJ]

Where is everyone??????????????

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[christofah]

However, I am a full time student, and I work part time. I can't perform these commitments while withdrawing. I'm gonna be drug tested by the court for the next year starting in a week or so. (I believe its God sent) Therefore, I can't really take suboxone or methadone because it will show. I usually do about 60mg of oc a day. So far (4 days) I've been doing 20mg a day and doing fine. I have about 10 days untill I'm tested. I don't know what to do. I'd tell my PO the deal, but he'd put me in a program probably, and i need to go to school and work. I've asked God to numb my symptoms so i can make it. Congratulations to all of you that have had victory over dependance, and I pray for all of you who are in the struggle with me. I feel that some things in life happen for a reason. I want to beat this addiction, and dedicate a good portion of my life to helping others do the same, maybe thats why God has me where I am.

[cluelessNJ]

Christofah,
Well since you know you are being tested you should stop. If you fail will they lock you up? One of my friends takes suboxen and gets tested. He hasn't had any problems yet. Keep posting and let me know how you are doing. Are you decreasing from 20?

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[keiths121]

I am addicted to hydrocodone, but I have never had withdrawl pains that the other users speak of I go through cycles with my addiction. I go up and down on the amount I take over a monthly period and sometimes try to go a day or 2 without it, and worst withdrawl I get is something like an arm spasm when I am sleeping which usually lasts about an hour. How the whole addiction started though was I would take half of one every once in a while then started to take half of one everyday. Then after a few weeks I would take one a day. My max got to where I would take 2 a day. Then when I get to 2 I would realize I have an addiction and would slow down. So the process would start to go the other way. taking 2, then to taking 1, then to taking half a vicoden a day. When I get myself down to half of one a day I sometimes forget to even take them. Then it might be 2 or 3 days that I haven't had any and will take 1 and start process over again.

[mpvt]

Do yourself a favor and stop altogether.What your describing is the begining of addiction.It will get worse and you will need to take more and more.Hydrocodone is a very weak opiate so if you stop now you shouldn't have any problems.You already see the warning signs, do something about it before you can't.....Dave

[keiths121]

quote:Originally posted by mpvt

Do yourself a favor and stop altogether.What your describing is the begining of addiction.It will get worse and you will need to take more and more.Hydrocodone is a very weak opiate so if you stop now you shouldn't have any problems.You already see the warning signs, do something about it before you can't.....Dave

I've taken hydrocodone this way for almost 5 years now. What does this mean, I mean it doesn't affect my life negatively. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I feel depressed until I take a shower and get outside and get on my way to work. Then I'll feel fine I get off work at 5pm so usually I take one around 4:30pm or so, for the night and thats it. The only times I will take 2 is on a weekend or something. Will take one in morning and one at night. The thing that I think helps me with not getting addicted more is my job keeps me busy enough.

[cluelessNJ]

Hello everyone!

Ill- Welcome back! I'm glad your all done with the moving and back online!

Keith- Welcome! I just want to ask why you take them. Are you in pain? Is it just for the "feeling"? I just want to get a feeling for your situation. 5 years is a long time to use. Do you want to stop or are you content with how you are using?

Sorry, American idol just ended. Ill be back!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[cluelessNJ]

OK! I am a loser. I just called american idol from every phone I could get my hands around. I hate getting a busy signal! If anyone is lurking let me know. I'll be on for a little while and would like to talk. I'm board!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[chrish1]

Hi Not So Clueless. It's good to see your clean date staying the same. Keep it up - great job! I'm getting a bit tired, so I don't know how long I'll be on, but I wanted to say hi since the board has been a bit quiet lately.

Me? Not doing too badly. The 4th/5th steps in NA temporarily messed me up for a couple days, but I feel great now, AND STILL CLEAN. The 4th step is a tough one since it is about doing a personal inventory - taking an honest look at all of my resentments, bad deeds, relationship patterns, and then assets. It was a really jarring experience, but I'm really glad I did it since we (as addicts) subdue and repress a lot of old feelings, and many times we don't even realize we are doing it. Well, the whole idea is if we bring these "secrets" into the light of day, they die there - kind of like a vampire. I'm a firm believer. I feel like I have a whole new outlook and a second chance. So, I'm glad I did it and got through it. Now, I'm starting step 6....

Anyway, enough program talk. I just wanted to let you know what I've been up to for the last few days. I'll have 5 months clean on 3/11. I can't believe it!!!

Hope all is well.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[cluelessNJ]

Chrish,
It has gotten VERY quiet. Where is everyone. Noone comes to dinner, it sucks eating alone[][]!

It sounds like you have been busy. I have been working out a lot more than before. I'm still trying to keep myself busy. I don't want to have any down time.

Yes, my clean date is the same. I am so proud of myself. It just proves that it CAN be done. I stay clean everyday so I don't have to change it (JK)LOL! It has gotten much easier. I don't think about it as much. It is so much easier now that we have changed our numbers. I didn't think it was bad talking to them but now I realize how much easier it is not talking to any of them. Thank you for suggesting that though. I appreciate that!

Not so clueless,

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06