[H3guy]

quote:Originally posted by cluelessNJ

H3,
I have to ask but are you willing to tell your doctor. He can help you wean off and it will make it alot easier for you! Believe me I don't wish withdrawl on anyone. In away it is becoming reality to me I know that I never want to experience this feeling EVER again! It is not easy! You do feel ****ty but it gets better and you feel mentally back in control little by little. Like today everything just made me cry for no reason! I began to feel the emotions I guess I had suppressed with my opiates.

Let us know how everything goes. Keep coming back! It does help to get feedback and you really don't feel so alone.

June

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

I want to go cold turkey for several reasons. One being the fact that I dont have health insurance right now, so I cant even afford to go see my doctor. I might as well tell how I get my supply to help explain first. I get 180 a month from a local doctor, 180 a month from the VA (im a disabled vet), and 90 a month from the net. Because I am about to move out of state I will soon lose my 180 a month from the local doc. This is just one reason among other for me quitting.

Reasons for my quitting now:
1. About to lose part of my supply
2. I'm sick of the lack of mental clarity
3. I'm moving to a new state and starting a new job, and its time I start over

I know my pain will come back from my arthritis but I can deal with that if I have to. What this drug is doing to me is worse. I'm thinking of maybe going to the VA and seeing if they can help me somehow. I'm scared right now of what I should do. I have to be sober or at least well on my way before I start my new job on the 20th. Maybe I should go to the VA for help?

I still think I will do the cold turkey, I just wish I knew how long it will be before I get some resemblance of my life bike once I quit. A week? A month? I've never been addicted to anything, I dont drink or smoke. This is my first addiction. I really think the mental part will be easy for me once I get past the physical part of it. Please...any suggestions or thoughts? Do you think if I quit Wed morning I will be fairly normal (or at least functional) by Sunday night when I get back from my trip to California? Do you think I will be able to function enough to at least look for apts while Im out there weaning off of this drug? I thought it might be good to go cold turkey while Im on the trip because I wont have access to my supply. And I will be busy at least part of the time looking for an apt. Please give me your thoughts people!

[chrish1]

Hey everybody - It's great to see that everybody still has the desire to start a new life clean. From my experience, addiction to painkillers is very tricky and cunning. Just when you think you have it "kicked" or the desire is gone, it hits you from a completely different angle. Your mind will play games with you. I'm telling you this since I am 110 days clean, and the addiction has attacked me from all different angles through those days. I want you all to be aware that at some point in the first 90 days, taking painkillers is going to become a great idea in your head. It always happens. It happened to me around 45 days, and I came within inches of relapse. The only thing that saved me was a noon meeting with my brothers and sisters in NA, and a couple guys talking to me, comforting me, and talking some sense to me. That was the last time I came pretty close to relapse. [u]Talk to somebody when you feel close to relapse.</u> Talk to people on this board. Talk to another addict. Talk to SOMEONE. Your addiction will tell you all kinds of things over time, like you can use recreationally, or just a few pills and then you are done, or I have a bunch of clean time and I deserve it, or I really am in pain and this is the only thing that will help, or something bad just happened so I am going to use just to get through this.... etc. The list goes on and on, and it is all insanity. Just be prepared is all I am saying, and of course take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. One day at a time will save your life, and the next thing you know weeks and months have gone by. It really works.

A cool tool that I picked up is what we call "running the tape." Whenever you have thoughts about using, just run the tape of what will happen. For example, in my case it will start with a few pills, then the monthly prescription, then a 2nd monthly, then buying on the black market... etc. Face it, for us one is too many, and a thousand is never enough. So, when I run the tape I know that I will eventually use as many painkiller that I can get my hands on, and my life will become consumed with using pills and finding ways and means to get more. Then, the lying, deceiving, and manipulating starts. Then, the misery. Usually, when I run the tape it pretty much removes the desire to use. Anyway, I hope this helps at least one addict. [8D]

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[RobMunsters]

quote:Originally posted by H3guy

I want to go cold turkey for several reasons. One being the fact that I dont have health insurance right now, so I cant even afford to go see my doctor. I might as well tell how I get my supply to help explain first. I get 180 a month from a local doctor, 180 a month from the VA (im a disabled vet), and 90 a month from the net. Because I am about to move out of state I will soon lose my 180 a month from the local doc. This is just one reason among other for me quitting.

Reasons for my quitting now:
1. About to lose part of my supply
2. I'm sick of the lack of mental clarity
3. I'm moving to a new state and starting a new job, and its time I start over

I know my pain will come back from my arthritis but I can deal with that if I have to. What this drug is doing to me is worse. I'm thinking of maybe going to the VA and seeing if they can help me somehow. I'm scared right now of what I should do. I have to be sober or at least well on my way before I start my new job on the 20th. Maybe I should go to the VA for help?

I still think I will do the cold turkey, I just wish I knew how long it will be before I get some resemblance of my life bike once I quit. A week? A month? I've never been addicted to anything, I dont drink or smoke. This is my first addiction. I really think the mental part will be easy for me once I get past the physical part of it. Please...any suggestions or thoughts? Do you think if I quit Wed morning I will be fairly normal (or at least functional) by Sunday night when I get back from my trip to California? Do you think I will be able to function enough to at least look for apts while Im out there weaning off of this drug? I thought it might be good to go cold turkey while Im on the trip because I wont have access to my supply. And I will be busy at least part of the time looking for an apt. Please give me your thoughts people!

H3- What are you taking and how long have you been taking it for? Robert

[cluelessNJ]

H3-
It is a tough decision. Do you have enough to start to wean yourself off? Cold turkey does suck but everyday gets easier. I am at 6 still feel ****ty but a bareable ****ty. My problem is mental now. Its the deamons in my head telling me I need them. I would seek help if you are comfortable doing so just because that will be the less painful way!

June

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[H3guy]

[/quote]

H3- What are you taking and how long have you been taking it for? Robert
[/quote]

I am taking 15 Darvocet a day. I have been taking Darvocet for just short of 3 years. I have been at the 15 a day habit for about a year. I'm starting to dread this upcoming week. I'm going on a trip to California to look for apartments (I'm moving there in 3 weeks) starting Wed. night and coming back late Sunday.

My plan is to go cold turkey Wed morning and not bring my pills with me to California. I hope by the time I come back Sunday night I will be at least functional and not feeling quite as bad. Needless to say I am dreading this and know it will be hell on earth. I hope I can make it, I have no choice. I also hope when I come back sunday I wont relapse. Wish me luck!

[lordy]

Hi H3Guy,
I'm a little worried about you. I'm on my 8th day of w/d from pills, and feel fine-- the weekend was tiring, but I feel alright. For me, the first 5 days was the worst (a little better each day, slowly). You will have all the symptoms you've read about: shaking, cold/hot, restlessness-- just do whatever you can to keep busy and pass the time, is my advice. Take Advil. Drink water. Watch TV. Take Tylenol PM to help with sleep. Remind yourself, above all things, that your brain has been chemically changed by this point, and will tell you, as often as possible, that you will die w/o the stuff, that you need it, blah blah. But this will only be your brain (your short term, drug-addled one) talking. You will survive it, and in a few days after going off the stuff, you'll start to get back to normal.
Are you worried about seizures..? Can you get your hands on any Clonodine? (I believe it's a blood pressure medication, and it's supposed to help a lot with w/d symptoms. But please, read up on it first!).
Also, and as I've mentioned here, w/d symptoms supposedly peak 72 hours after your last dose, and start to subside from there. I don't know. Does that help?
Please drop me a line, and stay strong. You can do this. You can do this. You want your old life back, and you'll get it back!!

Nicole

[H3guy]

quote:Originally posted by lordy

Hi H3Guy,
I'm a little worried about you. I'm on my 8th day of w/d from pills, and feel fine-- the weekend was tiring, but I feel alright. For me, the first 5 days was the worst (a little better each day, slowly). You will have all the symptoms you've read about: shaking, cold/hot, restlessness-- just do whatever you can to keep busy and pass the time, is my advice. Take Advil. Drink water. Watch TV. Take Tylenol PM to help with sleep. Remind yourself, above all things, that your brain has been chemically changed by this point, and will tell you, as often as possible, that you will die w/o the stuff, that you need it, blah blah. But this will only be your brain (your short term, drug-addled one) talking. You will survive it, and in a few days after going off the stuff, you'll start to get back to normal.
Are you worried about seizures..? Can you get your hands on any Clonodine? (I believe it's a blood pressure medication, and it's supposed to help a lot with w/d symptoms. But please, read up on it first!).
Also, and as I've mentioned here, w/d symptoms supposedly peak 72 hours after your last dose, and start to subside from there. I don't know. Does that help?
Please drop me a line, and stay strong. You can do this. You can do this. You want your old life back, and you'll get it back!!

Nicole

Lordy (Nicole),

I'm not worried about seizures anymore. I had read several posts on here that mentioned them so naturally I was concerned. I called a clinic and told them my situation and asked if there was anything life threatining to expect, and they said no. What did you just come off of Lordy? How long did you take them? I will be apartment hunting and staying in a hotel out of state the entire time I will be going cold turkey. I know it will be rough but I will be away from my supply so its the best time to do it. I do fear the lack of sleep and restlessness among other things, but I know I will survive. My major hope is that the majority of the physical symptoms will have subsided at the end of 5 days (and hopefully I can get some sleep then!). I will use tylenol pm for sleep but know it wont help much. I will check the boards off and on. Thanks for all the advice everyone!

[luvlifemore]

Hi, I've been lurking. Congratulations to all of you that are getting your life back.

Is there a forum that focuses specifically on those with suboxone experience? i.e. Typical price for treatment, typical dosages etc? Success stories, failure stories? The suboxone topic on this board doesn't seem to get used much.

Thanks very much.

[addictivepersonality]

Today I looked up a NA meeting in-line to see if there are any close to me and found lots of them. I am not ready to attend one in this small town yet..but there is one a few towns over so I am going to plan on attending this week. This is something that I thought I could never do but realizing I want to do this and have to is helping and reading your stories helped me to look this info. up.
I have been trying to drink a TON of water that is helping. I had gastric bypass 2 years ago because yes, I was and still am a food addict as well -if it's not one addiction it's another well - after the surgery I could only eat liquid and 2 ounces at that - I was in the hospital for a week and the entire time on MAJOR pain meds. I had complications and stayed longer then the "standard" time well when I was released I came home and thought I made the worst decision ever my best friend was gone - FOOD. I was depressed, had so much pain meds in me and was now coming off them...the first week was horrid - very similar to what we go through - depression, no sleep, shakes, etc... I keep thinking back to that I made it through - it was tough but I did it and learned to live with food in a "normal" way. I kept a journal and last night was reading it. It is basically the same feelings, physical and mental it is just a different addiction. Well I am starting to ramble....Hope everyone has a great day!!! **One day at a time**

[luvlifemore]

I think I just answered my own question. I found lots of suboxone boards at www.heroin-detox.com. Though it's OC withdrawl I am imterested in I really needed info from suboxone users. Thank you all for your inspiration. You can do it!

[Junkie781]

quote: Junkie781 - What were you taking?

In the end, anything I could get my craving paws on [xx(] but mostly percoset and hydrocodone (either in the form of "Vicodin" or just straight generic hydrocodone tablets - those I would take 90 pills in 5 or 6 days.

I did this over and over and over again, but in bursts.....3 weeks getting high, 2 weeks "kicking" it. Over and over and over....I started realizing I was playing Russion Roulet, especially when you consider my history (20+ years ago) of heroin abuse....when they say it (and by "it" I mean the sickness that is addiction) so, when they say "it" is cunning, baffling and powerful, trust me, it is.

But this is a battle. I really see it that way. This is a battle between me, myself and I. I put myself in this ridiculous position, now I have to extricate myself. How do do accomplish it? I don't do any pills TODAY, right now, at this moment....no, thank you, because I've just, well, come to realize that there are never going to be enough of them

My binges:
Quantities went something like this at my worst:

6:00am: 15 percs down the hatch (yeah, all at one time)
10:00am: 10 more percs down the hatch (to "kick it up" a knotch)
3:00pm: 10 to 15 more (depending on how I was feeling)

10 days now since I took anything and I truly feel like a new man.

I never have to feel that way again and I know it. I'm feeling good, not cocky at all. Grateful that I was able to pull myself out of a really bad thing here.....this site was very helpful, reading, knowing that there were other people feeling the same stuff, going through the same struggle....sort of like a virtual "meeting" at least to me.

Nicole, how you doin' girl? I thought about you today

I hope anyone who is reading this, lurking here, not posting, just reading, but still slammin' junk, you CAN stop if you really want to. Try it. Look at all of us, there are some here with a few days clean, some with a few weeks clean, some with a few months clean, lots of differnt perspectives, ideas, suggestions, understanding, even the potential for friendships.....we're all in this together is how I see it.

Alright, 10th day down the hatch, I'm gonna watch the tube with my lovely wife then (not taking Lunesta during the week either) I'll go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for 5 or 6 hours then off to another fun, stressfull, frustrating, busy, hectic, insanely complicated......CLEAN of pills......day.

I'm only logging on to this site from home (not work) so I only post at night. See you all tomorrow evening. Hang in there.

B

[cluelessNJ]

B,
Would you say you feel normal? I am wondering if I know what normal is! Will I just know? I am very happy for you and 10 days is awesome.

June

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[girlie girl]

B, That is awesome. Only 10 days ago you were almost killing yourself on pills and now your clean. You are a really strong person!!! I want to know how we can eat all these pills but not have had an OD. I'm a small girl and I have taken up to 12 loratab/10's in a 7-8 hr. time frame at my worse. We are so lucky to be alive. we have be posioning are body but been to f**king high to know it!!! Today is my 6th day clean. One week in the morning!!! I'm happy but scared. I hope everyone is doing good! Hi Chrish, X I would not have been clean right now if it wasnt for you guys. I love ya'll. H3 Guy your big day is coming up. How are you doing??? I have been hoping this is going to work for you. Goodnight everyone. [:X]

Girlie Girl

**Clean Date** 1/24/06

[lordy]

Hey Guys, how are you all doing? I can't TELL everyone how much help this forum is. It's great!
Day 8 of no opiates for Nicole. Each day is a little better, a little easier. I think now I need to turn my thoughts to what I'm going to do with the *time* and *energy* I have (the last few days I've been waking up at 6:30: "Bing! Morning!"). You just use so *much* time, using. At least I did. For me, finding pills was-- well, was a regular HOBBY. So it's like they say in AA: It's not enough to quit drinking; you have to learn to live sober.
And that is just precisely how I feel.
I hope everyone else is hanging in there, and that we can keep resisting the thinking that got us in our mess, in the first place. Many happy vibes to you all!

Nicole

[cluelessNJ]

Nicole,
I feel you! It was like having a second job! Yes I made $ off others but I had all the risk! It did take up alot of my time and I am trying to get up the energy to find other things to do! For me right now I don't even like the daily house chores. I am just so happy to be clean! Alright, i'm gonna try to sleep or just look at the ceiling for hours. Good night everyone![:X]

June

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[cluelessNJ]

Everyone, I just found this......For all the suboxone users!!!!!!

Quote from another forum............

It would seem that coming off the suboxone, is easier the shorter amount of time you are on it......if you guys are going to be on it for longer than 4-6 weeks.....from what some of the reading I have seen .....the Withdrawls from the sub is as bad or worse than the Opiate withdrawl, and also LASTS A WHOLE LOT LONGER!!!!!

BELOW IS A FEW POSTS FROM ANOTHER BOARD ON THIS VERY SUBJECT


Bup4pain
Sr.Member

USA
1367 Posts

Posted - Feb 18 2004 : 08:34:49 AM Show Profile Reply with Quote
http://neuro-mancer.mgh.harvard.edu

I tapered off of Subuxone successfully just recently. I went on 16mgs on July 29th coming off of Roxicodone & OxyContin. I felt great until I started to taper off of it 5 months later. As I got down to 2mgs a day, I started to feel lousy. One mg a day was worse, 1mg every other day even worse. I stopped altogether on December 30th 2003.

That was when the full withdrawal kicked in. I felt like I had just gotten out of an inpatient detox where they used methadone for 4-6 days. I did that detox 3 times before.

I was totally shocked that I felt so bad as my doctor led me to believe that a slow taper off of Subuxone would be painless. HA! What a joke! However, I kept going to my AA meetings every day as I have been doing for 6 & 1/2 months now & I got through the withdrawal just fine.

I felt almost as bad as I did coming out of detoxes where they used Methadone. I had the restless legs aka muscle spasms, terrible trouble sleeping, intestinal distress, debilitating fatigue, depression, anxiety, and the sneezes. However, after 4 to 5 weeks, I started to feel better mentally & then physically.

Now it's 6 weeks since I stopped the Subuxone & I feel pretty good and I am still going to AA meetings every day & plan on continuing to do so for the forseeable future. I never would have survived the past 6 months & stayed sober without the help & support of AA and my sponsor as well as my higher power.

Gene

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spring
Administrator

USA
3536 Posts

Posted - Feb 18 2004 : 12:27:10 PM Show Profile Reply with Quote
Thanks bup/John for starting this thread and posting this persons experience. Yes, I will most defintaly make it a sticky.

Damn! Your post is BAD NEWS for me!

I just saw my shrink this morning...not the Sub shrink but the A/D shrink. I asked him a couple questions that had been on my mind. One was the question about me taking A/Ds while still taking an opiate(Sub) since opiates stop the natural production of endorphins. He explained to me that the bup affects different receptors, different endorphins, etc. I didn't understand all of what he told me but I got my question answered.

The second question I had was about weaning from the bup. Not that he will be the one weaning me, but he will be the one I will be seeing more often than my Sub shrink. He told me that if a drug, just about ANY drug I think he said, was slowly weaned over a period of 4 months, that I should be able to step off with no problems.

That person's experience does not sound encouraging to me at all. My start to wean is not too far off, maybe 2 months tops.

I guess the bottom line for me is this....When the time comes, I am going to go into the weaning process expecting to feel like s**t. I am going to prepare for the worst. I am going to be prepared with back up support.I will post my daily progress as many of you have...

THEN....I will get up on my soapbox and make sure to let people know what they're in for if they decide to go the maintanence route with Sub. It's a MIRACLE drug for a short painless detox but I'm beginning to see that it isn't so great as a maintanence drug.

That takes me back to my gut feeling about opiate addiction....The only way out of that vicious circle is to walk right THRU it and keep on walking without looking back...aka...SHORT DETOX THEN ABSTINENCE.


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GOOD LUCK GUYS AND IF I WERE YOU I WOULD SERIOUSLY SPEAK WITH MY DOCTOR ABOUT A SHORTER COURSE OF THE SUB!!!!!!

Also I have tapered from 12mg to 6 in just 2 weeks, ( thats how long I have been on the sub 2 weeks) and I actually feel better on the 6mg than I did on the 12....and I felt great on the 12mg....we have graduated 6-8 people over those 2 weeks from our class and all of them started on 12 mg and in 5 weeks they were weaned off, and had little to no withdrawl symptoms.....but most if not all that have been on the sub longer have withdralws than last sometimes, up to a few weeks.

AT LEAST HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR DR........AND PLEASE READ AND RE-READ THE COPIED POSTS IN THIS POST.


SORRY IT WAS SO LONG

June

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[chrish1]

Girlie - You rule! You have a week clean! You hung in there, and you kept the desire. The desire to stop using is all that is required on this board. We can only keep what we have by giving it away, and I'm glad I was able to give to you and help you along in your quest for some clean time. Hang in there. The addiction will play tricks on you and try to "con" you into using again. It hits from different angles, and it is cunning and baffling. Whenever you feel like using, just get on here and tell us about it, and let us talk you through it. I got through a few close relapses by talking to other addicts in NA. This board has [u]completely </u> transformed over the last couple months, and it has almost become a continual meeting - addicts helping other addicts, which is the best and most effective way.

Congrats to everyone with some clean time. Keep taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME. It works! Next thing you know, weeks and months have gone by. I met a guy with 17 years clean time today in a meeting. 17 ****ing years! He did it by taking it one day at a time.

Barry, keep it up man. You truly are a very strong individual to come to where you are now. You are living proof of how cunning addiction can be. Keep comin' back!

June, that was excellent research on Suboxone. My research came to the same conclusions. Basically, only use it if absolutely necessary, and if you do, make sure you wean off it ASAP. My hats off to you for putting it together so well. It was like a book report. Very nice work.

Nicole, keep working your program. You are doing the deal.

Everybody - have a great CLEAN day tomorrow!

Chrish

quote:Originally posted by girlie girl

B, That is awesome. Only 10 days ago you were almost killing yourself on pills and now your clean. You are a really strong person!!! I want to know how we can eat all these pills but not have had an OD. I'm a small girl and I have taken up to 12 loratab/10's in a 7-8 hr. time frame at my worse. We are so lucky to be alive. we have be posioning are body but been to f**king high to know it!!! Today is my 6th day clean. One week in the morning!!! I'm happy but scared. I hope everyone is doing good! Hi Chrish, X I would not have been clean right now if it wasnt for you guys. I love ya'll. H3 Guy your big day is coming up. How are you doing??? I have been hoping this is going to work for you. Goodnight everyone. [:X]

Girlie Girl

**Clean Date** 1/24/06

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[Torxis]

Luvlifemore---I've been on Suboxone since Sept. 2005. I've had a good experience with it soo far. I'm on only 4mg/day prescribed,though some days I only take 2mg. Some days I even skip the Suboxone entirely. I plan on starting to wean myself off hopefully within the next two months. I have dealt with my addiction with the help of Suboxone but am staying on it while I deal with the consequences of that addiction. Detoxing off herione with the help of Suboxone was a walk in the park for me. I feel after that comming off the Sub. shouldn't be too bad. The idea is to stop it after weaning down to almost nothing first. Feel free to E-Mail me if you have any more questions. As someone else posted, I too will come off the Sub. then post my experience here on these boards. I feel more comfortable now that I've found this forum and the people on it.
--P.S. You can start your own new Suboxone thread by going to New Topic, Anyway, Good Luck!---&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;TOM

My Clean Date:09.09.05
My E-Mail:Idonursing5@aol.com
Remember, We Can Choose to Act or Be Acted Upon!

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm
HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEET
http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm
Are Opiates Destroying Your Life?
http://suboxone.com/

[addictivepersonality]

Sounds like everyone is doing great!!! Today will be my first clean day - I have tapered down to nothing. Last night was restless sleep but can say I was able to sleep a little. I have been going through w/d but nothing I can't handle. I hope the shaking stops soon I can't decide if it is from the coffee in the am or w/d but it goes all day just ever so much - Any ideas on how to keep warm?? I am freezing all the time now. I am also having dreams about the pills it is very weird but this will go away in time (I hope).
Glad to hear everyone is making it one day at a time!! This board is my support, when I start feeling down I come to the board and read the posts - I have adopted the "running the tape" what would happen if I started using again- running the tape helps! so Thank you!!
Here's to a clean day

[cluelessNJ]

Addictive,
I am so happy to hear that! They will go away! I'm not going to tell you it will be tommorrow but it will get less everyday! I am at day 8 and I have a little discomfort but just feels like a mild cold. I'm glad you got some sleep. That is what drove me nuts. Just remember not to over do it! Don't take on more than you can handle right now! I found myself moody and being rude to people for no reason! The chills will pass! But a nice hot bath will make you feel great! Drink water just to keep hydrated. Your body will thank you! Good luck! [8D]

June

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[addictivepersonality]

Thank you clueless - I have been drinking water like mad today and you know the shakes are not as bad. Today was the first day I went to other threads and read some stories WOW!!! I am so proud of everyone who posts here it helps each and everyone of us. I for one am still in the "place" where I am to ashamed to talk to anyone about it except on this board. I will in time talk to them, I know my friends and family only want the best for me but it is heartbreaking for me to think about. I suppose it will come in time right now I am just trying to stay busy my mind is running all day with thoughts but reading all of the posts make me realize there is nothing better than to be clean!

I hoep you all keep posting -it's helping me! When I first came to this board I was scared and Nicole responded to me a few times and that made me want to come back and now it feels like I have a whole team behind me. ((hugs to all))

[cluelessNJ]

Addictive,
Just think of us as all your cheerleaders! Were here for you just like you have been there for us![8D] One day at a time![8D]

June

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[addictivepersonality]

I got your back - I do have a question. It seems that this morning I have been tired. But noticed today....((after taking multi-vitamins and drinking it seems gallons of water the past few days)) - I started taking vitamins last week knowing I was going to be coming clean..and my body had been through hell...anyway my energy level has sored through the roof. I was so worried about it - you know still have a household to run. I am wondering if this is just a temporary energy thing and I have a crash coming on???? Or maybe jsut maybe the vitamins I have been taking are starting to help as well as eating??? I can't imagine having this much energy just coming off...and don't want to crash but....I did taper and start vit. and drinking water last week.
How has energy levels been????

[Junkie781]

quote: B,
Would you say you feel normal? I am wondering if I know what normal is! Will I just know? I am very happy for you and 10 days is awesome.

Well, "normal" is a relative word, ain't it? [] Thanks for your kind words

I guess by "normal" I mean that after what is now 11 days, I am not having any physical cravings for anything, so PHYSICALLY, I am over the withdrawal.

Of course, now I've also decided that I need to cut WAY down on the Lunesta at night, last night was my first night not taking it in about 2 weeks - that's the most consecutive days I've taken Lunesta to sleep because when I was on the junk, I could sleep pretty good without it [xx(]

But I don't want to take a pill to sleep. I don't want to take a pill do DO anything....so last night I was up all night, never slept for a single moment...

Today at work was one of the most stressful and frustrating days I've had in quite some time and you know what? I got through it. [8D]

Nice to see how active it is here - Nicole, 8 days? WOW All you have to do now is NEVER FORGET how you felt at 1 day and 2 days.....why would ANYONE want to feel like that ever again? That's how I'm thinking about it.

Plus, I just ain't giving up my days!

Anyway, it was a long, tiring day at work and I'm sitting here, straight as an arrow, but nodding like I ate a fistful of percs... LOL This will be night #2 with no Lunesta, should be interesting.... LOL

Hang tough everyone, you can do this!

[cluelessNJ]

Addictive,
Energy comes and goes. Sometimes I don't feel like doing anything and others I want to run a mile. I think you did a great thing preparing your body in advance but unfortunatly my worst days were 2-5. But I wasn't sleeping at all so I was very moody about that as well.

Way to go B.

Girlie girl, Where are you? Hope you are ok!

June

CLEAN DATE 1/23/06

[luvlifemore]

My significant other, of 10 years, and I went through withdrawl from OC together in Jan. of '05. It was excruciating. Because I could, I gave "Steve" $$$$.$$ to cover his bills so he could take it easy and not work for awhile. This summer I (finally) figured out that he had gone back to using. Lots of money had been disappearing. There were charges to my credit card, etc. The verbal abuse was hurtful as he justified getting rid of me so he could have his party lifestyle back. I finally asked "is this drug related?" (Duh!) and he hesitated long enough for me to know the answer. I gave him THE ultimatum and he chose drugs over me. Though he has justified it differently.

We have been living in separate states for 6 months. Talking on the phone regularly though. He claims he wants to get clean on suboxone but doesn't have the money saved yet for Dr.s etc. yada yada yada (I'm not offering this time.)

Well today he is in town and wants to get all cozy. Suggests I could do some O with him because I'm so strong. Guess he wants his party girl back. He doesn't look the same. Pale, thin etc. I don't connect with him. Maybe the man I love is in there somewhere but this is a different person in subtle ways.

I know I need to kick him to the curb but this is the man I had planned to spend the rest of my life with. Only it really isn't him. I still cry daily at the loss of our dreams.

When he comes back I'll have to tell him to get out of my life. This is really hard because he was my best friend for so long.

I never liked meetings because there was no feedback allowed. This forum keeps me from feeling alone. All my friends use something, mostly lots of alcohol, so I have been isolating. Good luck to all and thanks for listening.

LLM

[gettinolder]

hello
i know its not quite the same thing but i have been an addict for over 20 years and my husband and i have been married for three years and he tells me often that im not the same person he use to know when im on the drugs.....was there ever a time you remember your boyfriend when he wasnt on the drugs??? if not then there will be no way you guys can have a life together because once hes off the drugs he will be someone that you dont even know......make sense??? i was afraid that i was going to be divorced after i got help (recently went on suboxone to save my marraige and my life)as i thought what if i dont like my husband anymore because i didnt know him when i wasnt on drugs. he once told me (and this is what made me get help) that he did not want to one day wake up next to me and find me dead, he was heartbroken and he said "you have to amke a choice" the painkillers or me and one time in my life he said this to me and i chose the painkillers, we were not the same since. but this time recently he again gave me my last ultimatum the drugs or divorce and i chose the suboxone and its the best thing i ever took. im hoping that it works and i can come off it ok as well.

just explain to him that you just cant do this esp when hes not willing to make a change for you and at least try rehab if he wanted you that much he would try. explain to him that you want somone who loves you and will do what has to be done to make it work.

quote:Originally posted by luvlifemore

My sig. other of 10 years and I went through withdrawl rom OC together in Jan of 05. It was excruciating. Because I could, I gave "Steve" $$$$.$$ to cover his bills so he could take it easy and not work for awhile. This summer I (finally) figured out that he had gone back to using. Lots of money had been dissappearing. There were charges to my CC cards, etc. The verbal abuse was untenable as he justified getting rid of me so he could have his party lifestyle back. I finally asked "is this drug related?" (Duh!) and he hesitated long enough for me to know the answer. I gave him THE ultimatum and he chose drugs over me. Though he has justified it differently.

We have been living in separate states for 6 months. Talking on the phone regularly though. He claims he wants to get clean on suboxone but doesn't have the money saved yet for Dr.s etc. blah blah blah (I'm not offering.)

Well today he is in town and wants to get all cozy. Suggests I could do some O with him because I'm so strong. Guess he wants his party girl back. He does't look the same. Pale, thin etc. I don't connect with him. Maybe the man I love is in there somewhere but this is a different person in subtle ways.

I know I need to kick him to the curb but this is the man I had planned to spend the rest of my life with. Only it really isn't him. I still cry daily at the loss of our dreams.

When he comes back I'll have to tell him to get out of my life. This is really hard because he was my best friend for so long.

I never liked meetings because there was no feedback allowed. This forum keeps me from feeling alone. All my "friends" use something so I have been isolating. Good luck to all and thanks for listening.

LLM

thanks a bunch

Summer

[chrish1]

Addictive, you can expect to go through a wide range of emotions as your body and mind become clean. Some you won't like, and sometimes you will be nicely surprised. Just hang in there, and know that with time it does get better. I feel have more good days than bad days now, probably 3-5 good days for every bad day. Also, now I have ways of getting out of my "slumps," and I find I don't have to stay in a poor state of mind for a whole day. Basically, we are all learning how to live clean again. It's weird because you really do forget how to be human and feel emotions. Like many of the people on this forum, I cried a lot in the first week or so (and I usually cry about once every 7 years). I found myself crying every day, or sometimes several times a day. The great thing is IT FELT GREAT! It's good to get out all of that pent up emotions. Now, I haven't cried in a couple months, and sometimes I wish I could cry more often.

Torx - I think you really did need suboxone in your situation. Most of the others on this forum are better off doing it totally opiate free. It's good to hear that you plan to wean off of the suboxone soon. The important thing is that you embraced education on adddiction, and now you are ready to "fly without a net." I'm proud of you - I think you have come a long way. Hang in there, and keep us posted.

X, June, Girlie, Barry, and anybody I forgot - Keep comin' back [8D]

All the lurkers - I hope this board is helping! There is some education on addiction here, and it is turning into a great forum for recovery rather than a forum for active addiction. There is a big difference. People are making an effort here - [u]ONE DAY AT A TIME. </u>

Hope everybody keeps the spirit!

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

--ONE DAY AT A TIME--

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**

http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[girlie girl]

I'm here guys. Just busy at work this week. Yesterday was hard....I had alot of cravings. But I made it. Have a great day guys!!! Talk to ya'll soon. [:X]

Girlie Girl

**Clean Date** 1/24/06

[lordy]

H3Guy, I am thinking about you today. Maybe you're in California by now; in any case, I hope you have Internet access, and will be posting the next few days. I will be here listening. Check in, okay?

Nicole