[VTX1300]

Hi all,

Well, it's been a while since I've posted.

I'm sure for those of you who have gone thru it, you know why. I stayed clean for 15 days. And then I f'ed up again, I thought I'd just have a little weekend getaway, so to speak.

It seems we read about all the successes of staying addiction free on here, and the people who are on their way to another success story. I felt I needed to post this for several reasons:
1st--to get me back on track again.
2nd--to show that we don't always succeed, but MUST try, try again.

I have some thoughts about my failure that I want to share. Much of this has been said or inferred before. I want to just lay some things out there for you all to think about, so you don't fall off the wagon like I did.

The reason for my failure was that I stopped talking about it. I stopped sharing with you and the significant others in my life that I was leaning on. BIG MISTAKE. Don't stop sharing. Don't stop talking. I still haven't been to an NA meeting yet, but I had been doing the NA daily evaluation log. I did it for 10 days, then stopped. BIG MISTAKE. I had been open to my fiance about what was going on with me. I shared everything, all the ramblings of my lunatic mind. I talked with her about everything. I stopped. BIG MISTAKE. I have a friend at work that I was talking with about my addiction. He is very involved in AA, so he understands. I stopped. BIG MISTAKE. I was being very open with people. Sharing my thoughts, emotions, spirituality and I stopped. I withdrew away again, back into my quagmier of an addict life. And I fell of the wagon. I started letting the "stinking thinking" start to make sense to me again. BIG MISTAKE.

I guess the bottom line here is I'm trying to reiterate that YOU AND I CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE. Doing things alone is what gets us into trouble. Yes, we can do it for a little while, but eventually we will screw up. Folks, keep talking , keep sharing with other. This is how we can get out of this drug-controlled world we are in and move to a drug-free life. This is how we "get busy living instead of getting busy dying." But more importantly, in order for us to STAY drug free we MUST keep talking and sharing with others, because WE CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE.

I share this with you all, because I hope that by my failure, someone else can benefit and learn from my mistakes. I hope that this will help someone out there not to duplicate what I have recently done. For those who have quit or are close to quitting, you all know how difficult it is. I hope that once you finally do quit, this will help you stay clean. All things happen for a reason, right?

Well, I'm gonna start again. By the strength and grace of God, I hope this will be it. Brothers and sisters in cyberland keep trying and keep faith that it will come to pass for you and for me. Pray for me, as I will be praying for each and everyone of you. We will overcome!!

I see there are a couple of other new people, like myself, to the forum. Good for you all. You are taking the right steps now. Keep on keeping on. Girlie Girl, sounds like you and I are in the same situation right now, AGAIN. You seem to have jumped ahead of me on the wean. Girl you keep on. Once you kick this pig, I hope these words will help you stay on the right path. I've been following your plight while I've been lurking here, and to be honest, I was thinking of you when I decided to write this post. Girl, keep talking and sharing what is going on with you once you kick it. have someone you can call 24/7 so when those urges to use comeback you can call them and get thru them. God Bless all.

I would like you wish you all a Blessed Christmas season. All things are possible thru him who died for us.

God Bless you. I hope this helps someone.

X

[girlie girl]

VTX 1300, At least you made it 15 days. I'm still trying to make it one day. I guess I so scared of wd's. I was up at 3:00 this morning pissed off at myself for having 2 and a half loratab/ 10's yesterday. I'm so sick of this. Today is 1 no matter what. I have to get off of this ****. Where your wd's really bad when you first quit? I have been on loratab/10's pretty much for about a year. About 1 and a half a day for the most part. I'm afraid I'm going to be sick. I only have 8 pills left and I dont plan on getting anymore. Good luck to you. Keep me posted. [:X]

Girlie Girl

[vicious_cycle]

This is a first for me. I have a problem with painkillers. Its killing me to admit this , even to a bunch of strangers. Ive sat here for the past 3 hrs reading thru your posts . Now i understand. I DO have to stop. Ive been in denial for about a yr. Ive been using for about 3. Im living a double life. Noone knows that im in this vicious cycle and i desperately need someone to know. I have 2 children . Whom ive been slipping further and further away from . My BF has no idea. Ive wanted to tell him so many times. I do about 10 pills a day of whatever i can get my hands on . Percs Tabs Vics , doesnt matter. I can do more but i cant afford it . I dont get them prescribed. I buy them from the streets . Mainly my user freinds of which i have about 3. About a week ago i quit cold turkey for 4 days and about died. The depression and back aches and leg aches about killed me. When i finally got my hands on some i took about 30 norcos in one day. I can get by on 3 a day but thats just to keep me from withdrawl and im not happy with it. I cant even remmeber the reason why i started .. ive never had pain and ive never had an addictive personality . Now i have a problem . I guess im using this forum to actually just tell someone about it. It feels good just to tell someone . Thanks for listening.

How would you feel about life , If Death were your older sister?

[VTX1300]

Girlie Girl,

Withdraws were not too bad. I had a little stomach problems on day 2 and 3, had some restless leg syndrome, sleeplessness and yet was always tired, muscle weakness and fatique. The main thing was the psychological part. It was the mind games I kept playing with myself. I kept thinking about using.

Now mind you I had weaned myself down, like you are doing, from about 10-15 vic a day to where I took 1 a day for a couple of days till I stopped. What I did was stay close to the bathroom, for the restless leg I did my best to gut it out, but once I took some xanax. For the sleeplessness I took melatonin. For the mind games. I took things from minute to minute. Sometimes I would have to battle real hard not to use. When I was in my worst battling times, I would start to think about how long I had till I could go to sleep again (I read this somewhere and it helps. more on this later). Next thing I would know the one minute would run into 2 minutes, and then 5 minutes. Then next thing I know I was over the craving. I took time everyday (for the first 10days) to write in my NA journal (here is a link to the journal if you don't have it: http://www.na.org/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3109.pdf) This was very helpful to see the progress I was making. Unfortunately, I stopped doing it. Like I said in my previous post, I started imploding and that was my downfall. When you get to this point don't stop sharing, don't stop talking. The one thing to keep in mind is the physical withdraws will only last for a short while, couple of days maybe more. But they will go away. It seemed to get slightly worse until about day 3-4 and then they started to go away.

More about the sleep thing. I read that to help get you through the tough times to think in terms of how long till you get to sleep again. If you think about it, the only time when you are in your comfort zone and safe from addiction is when you are asleep. It really help, gives you something to look forward to. I think another thing we've got to do is to reward ourselves for doing well. We are so used to beating ourselves up because of this addictions, that we forget to congratulate ourselves when we do a good thing.

Good luck Girl, keep me posted and keep on keeping on. We will kick this pig.

Vicious Cycle--Welcome... I believe what they say is, " the first step to a cure is realizing there is a problem." Sounds like you are coming to grips with that. Cool[8D]

I can relate to the children withdraw thing. I have my kids half the time. These kids have always been my world, but I find myself sometimes when the time is rolling around to get them again,dreading them coming back. They can be very, very draining. And then I feel guilt because I have thoughts like this.

Just remember you are not alone in this hell we call addiction. There are lots of us out here, this forum is a testimonial to that. We may have gotten into this predicament by ourselves, but there are a lot of people out here who can help get us out of it. Keep progressing moment by moment and day by day. We are gonna make it.

To all....I hope today will be a better day than yesterday, but not as good as tommorrow. Keep on keeping on

God Bless,
X

[chrish1]

VTX, you are "getting it." I'm glad you are learning from your mistakes. Keep educating yourself and communicating. I recommend getting out to some NA meetings - Magic happens in those rooms. Trust me, I wouldn't be 70 days clean tomorrow if there wasn't magic there. I think you are on the right track.

Girlie, hang in there.

Chrish

[VTX1300]

Chrish,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. What is it, " if we don't learn from the past we are doomed to repeat it." I'm tired of repeating.

I know I need to get to the NA meetings. I think it was you who said you sat in the parking lot a couple of times, before going in. Like I've said, I've been to the parking lot once. On fridays I found a Midnight Madness group on my area. Hopefully, this friday will be meeting Number 1.

You are doing awesome. 70 days is great.

God bless all of you, and be well.

Blessings,
X

[KrisK]

New to forum. I have been abusing opiates for the last four years following a stay in a Boston Hospital and a Large Percocet prescription. I quickly changed to Oxycontin's for the lack of Tylenol in it. I got up to 2 80mg Oxycontin a day then I found a pain management clinic equipped with an immoral Physician. He prescribed 90 and sometimes 100 80mg OC's every two weeks. My addiction grew quickly and I started to chase the high. In my third year of addiction I was taking three times what the doctor was prescribing or 15 to 18 80 mg OC's a day. I was basically walking around in a coma trying to run three separate companies, attend to my wife’s needs, and be super Dad. My wife had enough and left in March while I was in detox for the second time. I can't blame her; I would be embarrassed to say how much money I blew. Overall I have been to detox 3 times at about $5k per but they never kept me more than 4 or 5 days. I argued with the dim witted doctor there that when he released me and the drugs wore off I was still in withdrawal. I thought I was going crazy but now I know better. Well to shorten this a bit, I haven't seen my kids for 3 weeks and they are my entire world. So I have been cold turkey for 9 days now. I should mention that for the past 6 months I have been down to 3-5 a day. I am struggling however even after nine days. I can’t sleep for more than an hour or two at a time and never more than 3 or 4 hours a day. I have been very sick to getting better but I have gone from 170lbs to 135lbs. I haven't been this thin since Jr. High School. Anyway, yesterday I felt like I was going to loose it because the pain however not as intense and the first few days, it is constant and relentless. I had two hydro-codones for emergency use only as I was scared I might do damage by going cold turkey and I wanted the option to punch out if it got scary. So I took one this morning because I couldn't take it anymore. I wrote all of that to ask this, how much damage to my recovery did I do by giving in? My rationalization is lortab's are like tic tacs compared to an 80mg OC.. I honestly got no buzz however; I was relieved from withdrawals for 3 or 4 hours. I am committed to never taking another OC nor Methadone or Suboxone or anymore than the one lortab I have left. I would rather die. How much longer can the withdrawals last and/or based on the above information how long should they last? Funny thing is the intensity of withdrawals has varied though over all continuously gotten milder. Yesterday was as bad as day 2 but I think I was just mentally whipped. I want this behind me and my family back for Christmas. Any insight or advice is greatly appreciated. It's comforting to know I am not the only one fighting his way out of this particular corner of hell.

Thanks in advance for any input,

Kris

[KrisK]

New to forum. I have been abusing opiates for the last four years following a stay in a Boston Hospital and a Large Percocet prescription. I quickly changed to Oxycontin's for the lack of Tylenol in it. I got up to 2 80mg Oxycontin a day then I found a pain management clinic equipped with an immoral Physician. He prescribed 90 and sometimes 100 80mg OC's every two weeks. My addiction grew quickly and I started to chase the high. In my third year of addiction I was taking three times what the doctor was prescribing or 15 to 18 80 mg OC's a day. I was basically walking around in a coma trying to run three separate companies, attend to my wife’s needs, and be super Dad. My wife had enough and left in March while I was in detox for the second time. I can't blame her; I would be embarrassed to say how much money I blew. Overall I have been to detox 3 times at about $5k per but they never kept me more than 4 or 5 days. I argued with the dim witted doctor there that when he released me and the drugs wore off I was still in withdrawal. I thought I was going crazy but now I know better. Well to shorten this a bit, I haven't seen my kids for 3 weeks and they are my entire world. So I have been cold turkey for 9 days now. I should mention that for the past 6 months I have been down to 3-5 a day. I am struggling however even after nine days. I can’t sleep for more than an hour or two at a time and never more than 3 or 4 hours a day. I have been very sick to getting better but I have gone from 170lbs to 135lbs. I haven't been this thin since Jr. High School. Anyway, yesterday I felt like I was going to loose it because the pain however not as intense and the first few days, it is constant and relentless. I had two hydro-codones for emergency use only as I was scared I might do damage by going cold turkey and I wanted the option to punch out if it got scary. So I took one this morning because I couldn't take it anymore. I wrote all of that to ask this, how much damage to my recovery did I do by giving in? My rationalization is lortab's are like tic tacs compared to an 80mg OC.. I honestly got no buzz however; I was relieved from withdrawals for 3 or 4 hours. I am committed to never taking another OC nor Methadone or Suboxone or anymore than the one lortab I have left. I would rather die. How much longer can the withdrawals last and/or based on the above information how long should they last? Funny thing is the intensity of withdrawals has varied though over all continuously gotten milder. Yesterday was as bad as day 2 but I think I was just mentally whipped. I want this behind me and my family back for Christmas. Any insight or advice is greatly appreciated. It's comforting to know I am not the only one fighting his way out of this particular corner of hell.

Thanks in advance for any input,

Kris

[denvergrl]

7 months on vicoprofen and I have lost all of my sources for pills due to having abdominal surgery last month fixing problem, and also 2 websites I ordered pills from which crosschecked and found I was getting pills from both so I was cut off. I was taking 20-25 per day. Before the websites cut me off they sent me a "Christmas gift" of hydrocodone 10/ibuprofen 120, 90 pills. I don't even know what they are called. I have 14 left. I am very scared and crying alot. I had an alcohol addiction I beat in 1998 and I never ever thought I would be back in this hell. I am using all my energy walking/jogging on the treadmill to try to help the leg cramps.

[mpvt]

Go to www.suboxone.com and there you will find a doctor locator.Once you found a doctor(s) in your area that prescribe suboxone then make an appointment.Your a perfect canadate for suboxone.Don't go to methadone as it's way to strong for your problem.Give it a look or you can stay on your self destructive path.I don't mean to sound like an asshole but I am speaking through experience.Nip this problem now or your going to be in more trouble then you can possibly imagine....Good luck...Dave

[SBDawG]

Wow, ive been readin this forum for like the past 3 hours, almost in tears at some points, for the past year ive been taking like four 20MG oxycontin's a day, i see how that in comparison to alot of you other people is very small, however today is my first day being clean, and i woke up this mourning rolling around in my bed inabled to go back to sleep, how it is almost every mournin till i wake up and take an OC. Well this first day sucks real bad, i havent thrown up...YET so i was jus lookin on the web for alittle inspiration. im about to go buy a Perk 10 just so this can subside for alittle bit and help me get through the first day or so of WD. i never had a physical dependency to perks, only when i started the OC's did it become physical, im jus hopin takin a perk will lessin the WD and help me get through it, i wanna go get suboxyen, but a bunch of my friend who told me they could get it, now on this day can find none!
I would goto a doctor but im only 21 yrs old and have been out of work for 3 weeks, therefor have no money to pay for a doctor, my job starts back up in 10 days. And the damn thing is, i know i wouldnt be going through this and gettin off them if i still had money, thats the scary part me cause ive allrdy tried to get off them and a week later i got off percocets and back on OC's. I really wanna stop feelin like ****, and i hope i can find the strenth to get off, and i know i will, i can continue to take perks, just NOOO more OC's, no more psyhical addictions for me. well i dunno, i read everyone elses post and figured ide add my 2 cents, hope all this talk inspires someone else to get off
peace
SBDawG

[SHAWNM]

hOW DO i FOUND THE PROGRAM YOU WERE TALIKINGABOUT. iS IT ASHOT. i HEARD THIS IS A SHOT THAT LAS 1 DAY NO WITHDRAWS. i AM IN FLORIDA IS THERE A CLINIC THER?

[girlie girl]

Hey guys,How is everyone doing? I'm still down to 1 tab/10 a day. I know I'm going to have to make that next step soon. I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! There is a new year right around the corner and we all can make it a good one. We just can't give up. No matter how bad or hopeless it seems....we can beat this. People quit everyday, and make it work!! I hope everyone is doing good. Lots of Love, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[chrish1]

Hi Girlie! Yes, we can beat this. I am living proof - 73 days clean today. I couldn't do it alone though. We all need help, one way or another to beat this thing. Also, more importantly, it starts with 1 day clean, and then it is one day at a time. You won't have any physical withdrawals at that amount, just mental. The mental part is the hardest part to conquer anyway - It is a long term battle, but the focus must be on today, one day at a time. I recommend doing what VTX did and just get some NA literature. It seemed to really help him. Beating this thing requires a new outlook on life and a new philosophy. The NA literature would be a great start in that direction. Great job weaning down to 1 tab a day. Stay focused....

VTX, can you advise Girlie or anybody else on the board on where you got that NA literature? I'm kind of curious myself. I thought you could only get the NA books and literature at the meetings.... I hope all is well with you, and I hope everybody else is making progress arresting the addiction.

Merry Christmas!

Chrish

quote:Originally posted by girlie girl

Hey guys,How is everyone doing? I'm still down to 1 tab/10 a day. I know I'm going to have to make that next step soon. I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! There is a new year right around the corner and we all can make it a good one. We just can't give up. No matter how bad or hopeless it seems....we can beat this. People quit everyday, and make it work!! I hope everyone is doing good. Lots of Love, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[girlie girl]

Chrish, 73 days is awesome!!!! You really give me hope. My main thing is going to be not being around people that have pills. My best friend gets them and everytime I go to her house she give me some. She does not really like them. If I could just space some days in between when I take them, that would be better for me. But addiction doesn't really work that way. I had my 26th b-day yesterday, I thought about where I want to be in my life when I turn 27....and it is not going to be on pills.(I HOPE) I hope you have a great holiday. Thanks for all you support. It really means alot. VTX,I hope you are doing good. Write us and let us know how you are. Love, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[VTX1300]

Hey all,

Sorry it's been a couple of days. I've been away from the keyboard.

Chrish--awesome, brother. 73 days. Keep inspiring those around you. And I want to tell you that this chicken sh** who lurkers in parking lots FINALLY ATTENDED HIS FIRST NA MEETING!!!!!
Thanks, in part, to your encouragement. I'm going back today 12/25 for a early afternoon meeting. I've been talking to a fellow coworker and friend who is in AA. The night before last 12/22 I went with him to an AA meeting. It was pretty cool, but NOTHING like sitting in the room with other people with the same affliction I have. It was very enlightening.

If I may, I would like to share with those who have not attended an NA meeting yet alittle of what it is about. First off, I was REALLY scared and nervous. As I said I've sat in the parking lot before, but couldn't pull the trigger and get myself to go in. I was nervous about how I would know where to go (most of these meetings are in churchs and hospitals in my area). My AA buddy told me to look for the door that all the people are smoking around. So I did. When I walked up I asked them if it was the midnight serenity group (that is the groups NA name, I found my local meeting schedule here: http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm Just follow the screens for your localtion. Anyway, they said yes and started introducing themselves and giving me hugs. (Pretty warm greeting, don't you agree)

During the meeting we did a thing where we talked about what we are doing to progress our recovery and what we are doing to continue in our disease. Well, I learned alote about myself by listening to what others had to say. I've figured out a couple of things that feed my disease. The most pronounced thing is I withdraw. I withdraw from my friends, my family, etc. I'll stay at home all the time. And when I do this I am now stuck with myself in my head with noone around to guide me in a positive direction. The worst place to be is in my own head, stuck with my own addict "stinking thinking".

Chrish was right in an earlier post when I was told that these meetings are magic. I'm not sure I could say magic, but they are very uplifting and informative. It gave me a HOPE that I haven't had in a long time. That althought I'm still messing up, I have a chance to stop using. And when the leader asked how many had been clean for more that a year HALF THE ROOM RAISED THEIR HAND. WOW, how cool is that. And the other half was working on it. I walked out of there wanting more, wanting the meeting to never end.

At the end we prayed. I can't tell you the entire prayer, but a line stuck out in my head I want to share. ".......we pray for the addict who is still using tonight and for the addict who stopped using tonight....." I want you all to close your eyes and think about that statement for a minute.

You see the difference between the addict who is still using tonight, and the one who stopped using tonight is one simple thing. A choice. A choice to stop using. It just that simple.

For those who haven't gone, give it a shot. For those who have gone. KEEP COMMING BACK!!!!

Some one asked for a link to the NA literature site. Here you go:
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm
Take a look through the info here. It is very good stuff. It gave me a lote of hope. One of the reasons I was afraid to go to a meeting was that I was afraid that I wouldn't succeed with the NA program, and then where would I turn. I felt I had no other avenues to travel. If this didn't work out, I was gonna be using till I die. I would like you all to read in the literature and find out how EVERYTHING, even something as bad as a relapse, can work to the benefit of your recovery.

Chrish, you are correct about the info available at the meetings. There are 2 books that were available and a ton of literature. The books I didn't find online, but most of the pamphlets I saw at the meeting was available at the above link.

Girlie Girl,

You go girl. Pull the trigger. Make tonight our prayers for you, the addict who used for the last time. You are so close to setting yourself free. Read the literature from NA, do the daily journal, and get to a meeting, and keep sharing here. If you have the same affliction I have, withdrawing into my own mind and then trying to live there, by talking and sharing you can stay out of the dark recesses of the addict mind, and stay on the path to enlightenment.

And happy birthday to you. I hope 27 is better that 26, but not as good as 28.[8D]


I know that there are those who chastise the NA program and don't subscribe. To you I say, May God Bless you. To those that this post may help, I say, May God Bless you. May God bless each and everyone of you and Merry Christmas to all.
Today is a new day.

Blessings,
X

[chrish1]

VTX...

Wow! I can't even describe how great your post made me feel. The fact that you attended your first NA meeting and experienced "that feeling" makes me very happy for you. That is a really good sign for your recovery. I feel very honored by your words towards me - Thank you. That IS incredible that so many people in NA have more than one year of experience, and it IS proof that NA works. The encouragement, support, and guidance I have received so far in NA has been unparalled in my life. More than once, meetings and calling people on the lists they gave me have saved me from relapse. I haven't come anywhere near relapse in about a month now, but I have to (still) remain vigilant, because the crazy user thoughts still come some times. Getting a sponser and working the steps has helped with that also. Anyway, Congratualations on attending your first meetings! Keep us posted.

Merry Christmas!

Chrish

[chrish1]

Girlie Girl, Happy 26th a couple days ago.

Hang in there!

Chrish

[johnnycash]

Johnny Cash is concerned that this board died out around the holidays. The holidays are the biggest time of relapse and heavier using, and everybody seems to have "gone out."
Johnny Cash is concerned.
Johnny Cash says "be strong."
Johnny Cash says don't use tomorrow.

Love, Johnny

[VTX1300]

Hey all,

Just dropping a note. I've been lurking the past couple of days.

Still going to meetings, not as many as I would like, but I have had other things on my plate.

Johnny, very true and good advice. I'd also like to hear from everyone to see how you are all doing.

Girlie girl, where are you???? How are things??

God bless all of you. Make today better that yesterday, but not as good as tommorrow.

Blessings,
X

[secretaddict]

Can anyone tell me from their own experienc how long sleepless nights will last? I have been clean for 20 days now....I took hydrocodone 10/500, approx 20 - 25 per day for over a year. All of the pain is gone, I just don't sleep. I also have trouble finding ways to fill my time. That's hard! When I took the vics, I didn't worry. I was in my own world. It's just wierd now. Does anyone have any suggestions, especially for sleep? I take over the counter sleeping meds, benadryl, excedrine pm....nothing helps. It does get better, right?

skv

[girlie girl]

VTX, I'm here. I have just had a really bad week. I have had alot of stress with my job. I have been thinking about going back to school to be an ultra sound tech. They make alot more than a dental assistant, which is what I am right now. But it hard to go back to school when you have a kid and you have to work. So I have been really freaked out. All my friends make so much more money than me and most of them are a couple years younger. I went backwards on the tabs. I ate 8 loratab 10's in 2 days. I'm soooo pissed at myself right now. I am going back to 1 today. I can't belive I did that I was doing so good on just 1. But I guess **** happens. I hope your doing good. Chrish how are you? How many days has it been for both of you??? Love, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[johnnycash]

Johnny says try Lunesta. It is the only FDA approved sleeping aid drug. It is non-narcotic, and you won't feel drowsy the next day. Johnny hears good things about it.
http://www.lunesta.com/

quote:Originally posted by secretaddict

Can anyone tell me from their own experienc how long sleepless nights will last? I have been clean for 20 days now....I took hydrocodone 10/500, approx 20 - 25 per day for over a year. All of the pain is gone, I just don't sleep. I also have trouble finding ways to fill my time. That's hard! When I took the vics, I didn't worry. I was in my own world. It's just wierd now. Does anyone have any suggestions, especially for sleep? I take over the counter sleeping meds, benadryl, excedrine pm....nothing helps. It does get better, right?

skv

[chrish1]

Girlie Girl, this is day #81 clean. I'm a bit excited that I should get my 90 day Clean and Serene chip soon, but I am taking it day by day - That way I won't get ahead of myself and my program. Thanks for asking. I still get some cravings, but it seems to get easier as time goes by. The holidays are tough on addicts, so take it easy on yourself. Sooner or later you will find something that works if you want it bad enough. If this addict can stop due to a great program, I feel very confident that you can also - You just have to find a program that works for you. We can't do it alone. Our best thinking got us in a hole of addiction, so we need someone to help get us out. I know I couldn't do it on my own - It took coaching and a complete change in mentality. Keep that in mind, and I know you will find something that works for you personally. You have a great heart, and you deserve to live a drug free life.

X - keep hitting those meetings. 90 meetings in 90 days.... If you shuffle your schedule, you can make your recovery first priority. Keep us posted. Let the board keep you honest. When I almost relapsed a month or so ago, I thought about this board, and I thought about how everything I have said would be bulls***. That kept me on the straight and arrow - well, that combined with my program which includes meetings, NA literature, my sponser, working the steps, meditation, and prayer.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great New Years! [8D]

Chrish

quote:Originally posted by girlie girl

VTX, I'm here. I have just had a really bad week. I have had alot of stress with my job. I have been thinking about going back to school to be an ultra sound tech. They make alot more than a dental assistant, which is what I am right now. But it hard to go back to school when you have a kid and you have to work. So I have been really freaked out. All my friends make so much more money than me and most of them are a couple years younger. I went backwards on the tabs. I ate 8 loratab 10's in 2 days. I'm soooo pissed at myself right now. I am going back to 1 today. I can't belive I did that I was doing so good on just 1. But I guess **** happens. I hope your doing good. Chrish how are you? How many days has it been for both of you??? Love, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[Genvsn]

Hello All - I have been browsing some postings on and off and decided to register. Congratulations to those of you who remain sober, good luck to those who are trying and pray for those of you like me. I am an addict and I am schedule to be outpatient treatment on 1/9. I have been through w/d by myself before and I would like to avoid that at all costs again (as many of you know). I have looked into Suboxone treatment and I am wonderins if anyone has had any experience with this.

What can I expect and do you think it works? In other words with the right dose can you function symptom free?

Hang in there

[johnnycash]

Johnny Cash says that whether or not you should use Suboxone depends on the quantity of pills you are taking. If you can wean down to a couple of pills/day, Johnny advises against using Suboxone since there are not many long term success stories of Suboxone. If you can't wean down on your own, suboxone might be an okay temporary solution, but be careful, Suboxone is VERY addictive. Johnny really likes the idea that you are doing outpatient. Johnny thinks you will learn a lot in there. Johnny thinks you should stay open minded in outpatient since many of the ideas they have may seem against what you currently believe - But, your current beliefs got you in your current predicament.

Johnny says good luck, and let us know how you progress against the monster, addiction.

Johnny Cash

quote:Originally posted by Genvsn

Hello All - I have been browsing some postings on and off and decided to register. Congratulations to those of you who remain sober, good luck to those who are trying and pray for those of you like me. I am an addict and I am schedule to be outpatient treatment on 1/9. I have been through w/d by myself before and I would like to avoid that at all costs again (as many of you know). I have looked into Suboxone treatment and I am wonderins if anyone has had any experience with this.

What can I expect and do you think it works? In other words with the right dose can you function symptom free?

Hang in there

[anq31]

quote:Originally posted by secretaddict

Can anyone tell me from their own experienc how long sleepless nights will last? I have been clean for 20 days now....I took hydrocodone 10/500, approx 20 - 25 per day for over a year. All of the pain is gone, I just don't sleep. I also have trouble finding ways to fill my time. That's hard! When I took the vics, I didn't worry. I was in my own world. It's just wierd now. Does anyone have any suggestions, especially for sleep? I take over the counter sleeping meds, benadryl, excedrine pm....nothing helps. It does get better, right?

skv

It does get better. I have been clean since July 31st. The first couple of months I thought I would never feel happy or right again. I had trouble sleeping, too. For me, after about the first 6 weeks, I was able to sleep normally again. I had been addicted to painkillers for the past five years. I took hydrocodone, oxycontin, methadone, fentanyl, whatever I could get my hands on. Hang in there - I feel so good now (physically & emotionally) that I can't even describe it. This is the first time I have been completely sober for this amount of time in over ten years. I do take Prozac (20 mg) everyday. I had been taking it for the past six years, but I was taking all the pain pills and speed, so it didn't work like it was supposed to, but it really helps me now. I still struggle with ways to fill my time, too. It is hard - especially if most of your friends are still using & you have to stay away from them. I started making jewelry and exercising. Good luck and God Bless.

[girlie girl]

Happy New Years!!!! I'm hoping this next year will be better than the last. Good Luck to everyone and stay out of trouble this New Year Eve. Lots of Love, [:X]

Girlie Girl

[Genvsn]

Thanks Johnny - I have been taking a large quantity however given the date of the earliest appointment I could get I will be forced to "ween" and experience some discomfort. I have taken at many as 4-40 mg OC's and some dilaudid or vicodin in a day (just recently not for a long period of time, other than that 25-30 Vicodin a day). Needless to say getting down to a couple of vicodin is difficult at best.

i did not realize that suboxone is highly addictive. Given that I am already addicted and this will be monitored dosing with tapering I am not sure how differen that may be.

Do you know of any other online resources for suboxone stories so I can research this more?

quote:Originally posted by johnnycash

Johnny Cash says that whether or not you should use Suboxone depends on the quantity of pills you are taking. If you can wean down to a couple of pills/day, Johnny advises against using Suboxone since there are not many long term success stories of Suboxone. If you can't wean down on your own, suboxone might be an okay temporary solution, but be careful, Suboxone is VERY addictive. Johnny really likes the idea that you are doing outpatient. Johnny thinks you will learn a lot in there. Johnny thinks you should stay open minded in outpatient since many of the ideas they have may seem against what you currently believe - But, your current beliefs got you in your current predicament.

Johnny says good luck, and let us know how you progress against the monster, addiction.

Johnny Cash

[johnnycash]

Johnny says click "active topics" on the top of this page. There are a few suboxone forums on there. Johnny noticed most of the current users of suboxone give great glaring reviews of it. However, Johnny noticed that most of them are in their early stages of getting clean. Johnny has read that suboxone is one of the toughest physical addictions. Johnny isn't totally against suboxone though. In your case, Johnny thinks it could be useful if you use it correctly and have a doctor who understands that it is a temporary solution. You should wean off of it within 6 weeks, or you could be in trouble. Suboxone IS a narcotic, but it also contains an opiate blocker. Keep this in mind if you go on it.

Johnny thinks Ang31 will have a lot to contribute to this board since she has some good clean time. Johnny likes Chrish's advise also. Johnny wants to hear more from both of you and others on this board. Johnny says HAPPY NEW YEAR to Girlie Girl and everyone else.

Johnny says make 2006 a clean year!

quote:Originally posted by Genvsn

Thanks Johnny - I have been taking a large quantity however given the date of the earliest appointment I could get I will be forced to "ween" and experience some discomfort. I have taken at many as 4-40 mg OC's and some dilaudid or vicodin in a day (just recently not for a long period of time, other than that 25-30 Vicodin a day). Needless to say getting down to a couple of vicodin is difficult at best.

i did not realize that suboxone is highly addictive. Given that I am already addicted and this will be monitored dosing with tapering I am not sure how differen that may be.

Do you know of any other online resources for suboxone stories so I can research this more?