[amberleeanne]

quote:Originally posted by waters

). subutex works great and you can get it from a doctor and detox at home or may be even able to go to work as well.

seriously consider getting some help. at least someone there for you if you are going to stick it out at home with nothing. but really, consider trying subutex which costs the same as a detox at a hospital,,maybe even less.
mine was $300. and you can adjust the dose as you need so you can taper yourself off it. its not that addictive itself.

good luck !

mm

2 weeks ago i was on 117 mlgs of methadone for 2 years, i started weining down, but it just wasnt happening fast enough 4 me, i had to drive to the clinic 20 miles everyday to dose for 2 years.i finnally felt it was time to just cold turkey so i could start to find myself, i cant remember the last time i was soberit was when i was 14years old, and im almost 23 now, so i have no clue what its like to be clean as a whistle.iv gone thru withdrawls from all kinds of drugs but im told that methadone is the worst.after today this will be my 3rd day without methadone,i was feeling uneasy, but it really wasnt that bad, because i was given 15 pills of sobutex, and i was taking zanax to sleep.so im coldturking at 97 mlgs of methadone, and i ran out of zanax i have not been able to sleep in days, and i have 4 pills of sobutex left, lastnight my leg started aching bad,and i felt like i was gonna get the crawls under my skin, but it hasnt happend yet. so with 4 pills of sobutex left, and going on my 3rd day without methadone, is it gonnna get worse or easier on me.i know u have to be at a very low dose like 30 mlgs just to get sobutex, but it seems like it has been working 4 me. im taking st johns wort, and other vitamins, and now i have a couple of adavans to help me sleep, i also have heble teas, but i havent been eating or drinking much at all.iv lost 8 lbs in 2 1/2 days. if i drink teas and fluids will that help? is the worst just beggining or ending, and am i gonna need more sobutex? everytime before while going thru withdrawls i had the crawls under my skin, do u think i will get them? any advise on making it more comftorable 4 me?

[pill-layer]

AMBERLEANNE....Taking those sleeping meds has caused DEATH in some patients.....sub. and depressants are a very deadly combo.....SO PLEASE BE VERY CAREFULL.....Also are you getting the Sub. from a doctor? Or a friend? Because of all the Docs. I know of would not give you sub. while taking xanax, or atavan....and certainly not while on that much methadone.

PLEASE BE VERY VERY CAREFULL, BECAUSE IT IS VERY VERY VERY DANGEROUS WITH THOSE COMBOS OF DRUGS!!!!!

Also the methadone takes a little more time to come off of , because it has such a long half life,,,, so you may have a few more days yet to go through.....but congrats, on your decision to stop the drugs....GOOD JOB, AND GOOD LUCK!!!!

[mpvt]

Hi Amberleeanne: I'm afraid your withdrawls are just starting.Methadones withdrawls can and do lasts weeks and sometimes months.You are unwise to jump off at 96mgs.You don't have nearly enough subutex to really help you.Can you get to a doctor that prescribes buprenorphene(subutex,suboxone)??If you don't then go to www.suboxone.com and there you will find a doctor locator.Do you have someone thats staying with you,your going to be a very sick in the next couple of days and it would be good if someone was there with you.My7 suggestion to you would be to go back on your methadone and do a proper detox down to 30mgs and then jump over to subutex.I hope your doing ok.Let us know how your doing.Good luck.....Dave

[VTX1300]

Well, good morning to all.

I've been lurking on the board for about a month and have started many, many times to post, but for one reason or another, haven't until now.

First, thanks you all for sharing your life stories, the successes and failures. It has given people like me the courage to accept my addiction, and more importantly, the ability to talk about it (even though this is cyber-chat). Probably the greatest thing I have gotten from you all is that I now know that I am not alone in this addiction. There are other who are like me and together we will succeed. I've learned that one of Satan's greatest tools of deception is to make us believe that "I am the only person with this problem and I am a freak because of it, and should never, never talk about it." Many of you have come a long way, and although backslide from time to time, seem to be on the same path that I, myself, hope to be able to share one day. Please keep up the good work. I know that you are recieving blessings by sharing, but your sharing is also blessing those around you.

Many of you have state things that has peged me to a T as an addict. IKNOWIT......I'm with you, dude, I don't suffer from "physical pain" like many on this board do, and I like you am thankful for that. The pain that we seem to be dealing with is the "emotional pain" and we are using the painkillers to numb the emotions just like the others are using the killers to numb the physical pain. Dude, don't feel bad about that, you are not alone in this. I myself beat myself up for this quite often, but you and I can not do that. The bottom line is this and addict is an addict, like you said. And we are all addicts looking for a better way of life. Keep on keeping on, my friend.

With out getting into a HUGE background of me (This should and will come out in my comming posts), I would like to share some of the highlights of my background, as many of you have.

I've been addicted to vicodin since around 2000 (Actually, I really can't remember when I started). I have never really taken any other meds than vicodin. My daily pill counts have range for 2 or 3 to a maximum of about 15. I've quite twice, only to relapse both times. After pouring thru the many threads and posts on this board the thought crossed my mind that I'm a woosey addict. I didn't take 60 vic's a day or 30 percocets/day or snort oxy, all I took was a few vicodin. Well, the bottom line is and addict is an addict. It doesn't matter if you are strung out on 100 oxycontin/day or a couple vicodin a day......an addict is an addict, and I am an addict.

To be quite honest with you, the reason I started taking was boredom. It wasn't excrutiating (sp) back pain, or diabetic foot, or any legitamet reason, it was boredom. So IKNOWIT you can see how I am able to relate to you. Then I had a couple of medical things happen (kidney stone, broken bones) that sporatically happend which "seemed to justify my using". Well, we all know that was BS, but I bought it at the time.

I've lost things because of my addiction, but not to the extent that many have on this forum. So, I guess, I am the fortunate one. I haven't lost money and material things (which have never been important to me), but I did loose my marriage and am missing out on much of my sons growing up years. That is what hurts the most, not having my boys around all the time. But I have learned to make the best of that as well. Some have mention loosing large sums of money and personal property, etc. IMHO people don't sweat that stuff being gone. After all, every materalistic item on this earth is going to someday be trash in the landfill anyway. That stuff isn't important. What is important is your "spriritual" Posessions. No one can take those from us, except ourselves.

One of the most unfortunate things about my situation is that I have a virtually inexaustable supply of pills available to me. I'm sure that many of you will agree that one of the best ways to overcome and addiction is to stay away from the people and places that supply the stuff. I don't have that luxury. So, although I don't have the large hurtle of overcoming an addiction to strong drugs, I have the problem of having it in my face on a daily basis. I've felt like I've had to be very secretive about it for a long time and although I am at a point in my life that I could care less what happens with my job, I don't want anything to risk me loosing my kids. I'm sure you can figure out that if the wrong people were to find out about this it would have drastic consequences. But, I have a feeling that there are some of you in the same boat as I. This has help to give me the strength to step out of the shadows of lurkerville and into the light.

About a month ago, I have reached another fork in the road of my life. It is time to start doing the right thing again. I'm ready to start living my life again and stop living to die. Well, I started scouring the internet for recovery programs and came across the NA organization. For the first time in my addiction life, I have found something that has given me a glimmer of hope that I can beat this thing that glooms over me like a dark cloud. Through the blessing of the Man, I have found a very close relationship with God. This blessing was afforded to me during my divorce. It was a time in my life where I was shown, without any shadow of a dought, that I was not in control of my life, and I learned that someone else was. Well, being a spiritual person, I believe that the NA program is right down my alley. I've been very excited about the prospects of starting to go to meetings. Well, last friday I went to go to my first meeting. It was a midnight meeting near my house. Since I work midnights and am basically a night time dweller, it was perfect for me. Well, I drove to the place but didn't pull the trigger and walk in. Dumb.

Over the past 4 days, I have weaned myself from taking 15 vicodin/day down to 2 tonight. Tommorrow night(tonight for you daylight dwellers) it will be 1. And then........... well that first day when it will be 0 is VERY, VERY scarey for me, as I'm sure many of you already know. I've been having some w/d signs, but nothing too terrible. The worst has been the restless leg thing. Today, for instance I thought my legs were gonna run a marathon, I took some xanax and was able to get it to settle down long enough for me to sleep. Up until this point in my weaning process, I've been taking melatonin to help me sleep which has really be working well for me.

Well, that got a little longer that I had originally ment it to be. But that is my addiction in a nutshell. I know that I don't have quite the huge obstacles in my way that many of you have had, or currently have, but they are MY obstacles and are very much real and detrememtal to me. I pray for all of you that are/have been worse off than I am. Many of you have life stories that to me seem insurmountable, but I also believe that God will not give us more than we can handle. He has blessing those of you with addictions to strong drugs because he knows it is not too much for you to handle. And I also believe he was merciful to have given me a lesser addiction because I am not as strong as you all are, and he knows that. So for all of you, stay strong. Gain your strength thru our Heavenly Father. And if you don't believe in God, then find strength in what ever being it is that you think is in control of our live, because it is very obvious that we (you and I) are not in control. We can CHOOSE but not CONTROL.

Well, a blessed day to all. I'll check back in tommorrow night.

Blessings,
V

[Cheryl611]

Hello all I came upon this site when I was looking up the effects of suboxen. I'm not an addict but was married to a heroin addict & my sister who is currently taking suboxen. I would appreciate any feedback from those of you that are taking or have taken suboxen.

I have never replied to a board before but reading your post has made me depressed & p*** off. I've been to tons of support groups, al anon meetings, etc... & thought I understood people w/ an opiate addiction. After reading the post on here, maybe I don't understand it at all.

Sooo much whining! Stop taking the drug, deal with the withdrawals & move on with your life! Yeah...it's easier said than done but it can be done. A few weeks of being sick is worth the lifetime of being clean.

I agree with Poppyqueen when she said that addiction being a disease is very debatable. For someone to compare drug addiction to cancer is absolutely moronic. People have no control over cancer....addicts could have control over their addiction if they tried hard enough.

I guess I am angry because I let someones addiction rule my life for so long. But I would love to change places with an addict for awhile. Just to worry about getting money to get high seems like a piece of cake compared to dealing with an addict, children plus everyday life.

I don't want to seem like a hater...I wish all of you the best & hope you do what you set out to do But I dont understand how you could let something take over your life like that.

[VTX1300]

Cheryl,

I hope someday you can get over your anger about the addiction topic. That kind of anger is not gonna hurt anyone, except yourself. You're gonna destroy yourself with that kind of hostility.

I can't answer your questions about sub, but I know others will.

As far as whining.....we're just trying to get by, day by day, to beat something that has a hold on us that you will never understand. And I am very glad that you never will. You see, we don't have the ability to talk to people, such as yourself, who don't have this problem. WE get ridiculed, and looked down on, and basically unaccepted for our bad choices we have made. We can't talk to you and make you understand what it is we go thru. There is no possible way you could ever empathize with an addict because you have never been afflicted. But, what we do have is a group of wacked out junkies (recovered and those in the process of recovering), like this forum, to use as a tool so we can try and figure out what is wrong with us. But most importantly, this group of people may be our only means of getting ourselves straightend out.

As far as making a statement " I wish I could trade places with an addict for a day....." Trust me, NO YOU DON'T!!!!! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, especially not someone I don't really know that well like yourself.

You say, "you don't understand how we could let something like this control us" (or something like that).......Well you know what.....

WELCOME TO OUR HELL.........

If we could understand it and figure it out, it wouldn't be an addiction. We would be able to be social drinkers and partiers like you and all the other people who aren't affected. But we don't have that luxury. I've read and heard many, many theories as to why an addict becomes and addict. From Genetics, to disease, to environmental stimuli, etc. I don't know what the cause is, or what to believe as far as that goes. What I can tell you is this, addiction is a series of BAD CHOICES that are made which, in itself, isn't always that bad. The problem is that we continue to make the same bad choices and travel down the wrong road for a long time. So long that at some point one day, we wake up and take a look at ourselves and realize, How did I get here????? And how can I ever get back?????? And yes, you are exactly right, all we have to do is make the right choices and BAM, we will be on the right road. The problem is being like the Nike commercial and "just doing it".

I truely am sorry to hear of the hurt that the world of addiction has caused in your life. It stinks. And I will tell you something, the person who is hurting you is very sorry for the pain caused to you. He/she may not say it, may not show it, or act like it. But TRUST ME deep down inside that person hates themself for the wrongs that they are doing to themselves and the loved ones that they are affecting.I know that I harbour an aweful lot of remorse for the pain I have cause my loved ones.

You see, Cheryl, All the judgemental statements you have made about this thing we call addiction IS NOT NEWS TO US!!!! We already know this. I, for one, am well aware of the fact that some day I will stand before my maker and he will pass judgement of EVERYTHING I did in my life, the good and the bad. And so will all of us, including YOU. What we don't need is more people passing judgement on us, we don't need to hear what low life swine we are, we don't need to hear what loosers we are. WE already know all this, but thanks for the friendly reminder. We don't even need understanding from you or acceptance from you. What we need to learn to do is to live day by day, one day at a time, minute by minute DRUG FREE. And that takes time, prayer and percerverance to accomplish.

I do have one parting thought for you, to help you somewhat understand the insanity that we go thru.

Have you ever notice how a dog when they get sick and throws up, will go right to the pile of vomit and start licking it up.

Pretty gross, isn't it but it is true.

Now think about that, why would an animal who has an upset stomach, something that makes it sick, so sick that it's body has made the incognitive decision to remove it from the body before it can do any major harm (ei throws it up)?????

This dog then makes a choice to go back to the pile of vomit,the same stuff that it's body just decided was no good for it to ingest, AND START TO EAT IT AGAIN!!!!!!!! Try and rationalize that one out, try and figure that out.

Now you have an idea of what addiction is.

Good luck with your trial.

Blessings,
V

[CheySapphire]

I understand your hate, because I was once in your shoes I losed my mother for being addict, she over dosed when I was 15 teen years old on davons, and now I look at myself and am walking in her foot steps something I said I would never do, my father was on heroine. The one thing I learned out of all of this never say never because that is when you fine yourself in the same shoes later down the road. sorry everyone hi, I haven't been on in while because I feel like am a failer because I keep trying to get clean and just keep making excuses everytime it is time for me to clean myself. am hoping one day to bet this habit, I have set a goal for Tuesday, lets see if this works, my fair is I can't afford to take time off form work and I don't want to be sick at work either.

Susan37 Mother of 10 and Two grandchildren and one of them live with me.

[chrish1]

Cheryl, I am sorry about the pain and anger someone's addiction has caused you. I know you will never get a true understanding of addiction, and honestly, I hope you never do - because the only way to understand it is to become afflicted. The day I realized my addiction, what it was doing to myself and my family, and how it seemed "impossible" to quit was one of the worst days of my life. I cannot explain the pain of knowing that by withdrawing mentally from my family I was hurting them and myself. You are right, it can be arrested and controlled. There are addicts in NA that have beaten the addiction on a daily basis for 5, 10, 15, 20... etc years. The important thing is that the addict eventually makes the choice to stay away from the drugs. Anyway, I could go on and on, but just know that just as the addict needs to get over the guilt feelings of past using, the person close needs to get over the feelings of anger about it. You have a right to be angry. I hope you seek the appropriate help to get through it though. I sincerely mean this because anger can be one of the most destructive behaviors. Good luck....

VTX, you have gone 8 of the 9 yards in the first step of recovery. I have a strong feeling that once you start attending some NA meetings, you will be on the road to recovery. Today is my 27Th clean day from all opiates and mood altering drugs. I too, never took a huge amount of pills, but addiction had me by the throat also. I did it the same way, by weaning down, attending NA meetings, and then quitting. The thought of going without pills was also very terrifying to me, but now it seems to be getting easier every day. You are ready, and I don't think you need Suboxone or any other drugs - this is no offense to those who are taking Suboxone or anything like it because it can be very helpful in the right situations. In your case VTX, you are best off without it I believe. I agree that we should not regret our past actions. The real sin is if we do not do something about it and arrest our addiction. Instead we should learn from our past to make a brighter, drug free future.

Everyone, have a great Sunday. Good luck, God bless.

Chrish.

[VTX1300]

Chrish,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. It is good to hear of someone with some similarities that is a 27 day success story. It is my hope that with in the next month, I will be able to respond as a 27 clean person. Congrads, and keep taking it one day at a time.

Susan37,

I'm not sure that I qualify to respond to you, but I can help but want to encourage you.

Keep trying, keep at it. Each time you attempt to quite, you will grow stronger. Even if you backslide. The Man upstairs will give us everything we need to get thru each day, one day at a time. So allow Him to strengthen you each and every day, and when that day is over, thank him for the blessing he has afforded you for that day. Go to bed, and get up and do it again. One day at a time.


One of these times, it will be the one, the last one. That is the hope we all have, including you. Keep on keeping on. I'll pray for you.

Blessings,
V

[anrob11]

Hello amberleanne
First of all I would like to congratulate you on what you are attempting to do - it takes alot of courage and fortitude to stick with it. [^]
Second you know you can't do it alone or you wouldn't have come to this board. Follow the advice given to you by pill-layer, mpvt, & chrish1. It's all good advice and things you should do.
Third - here's my two cents - like mpvt said, get on www.suboxone.com immediately, use the Physician Locator, find a physician in your area, and go vist him/her. I am a Suboxone user and had to use it to kick Morphine [B)] - this treatment protocol works to arrest your addiction and get your head clear enough to grasp what a 12 Step Program is trying to tell you. Don't worry about if you can do it or not - there will be plenty of people there to help you - if you want it bad enough. However, you must start with enrollment in a Suboxone treatment program. It is the only protocol that can handle the withdrawal from the Meth - also, you need medical supervision or you will OVERDOSE FROM EVERYTHING YOU ARE MIXING. [}]

Hope I am not coming across too strong, but I Have Walked the Walk, Not Just Talked the Talk. God Bless and keep us posted ... Tony [8D]

To Be A Rock And Not To Roll

[anrob11]

Hello VTX I drove up to the NA parking lot 7 nights in a row before I got out of the car & walked in. Tough thing for a very introverted person to do. [8)] I was scared as all get out ... Now, 18 years later, I can tell you that it was the best decision I ever made in my life. Good Luck and God Bless ... Tony [8D]

quote:Originally posted by VTX1300

Well, good morning to all.

I've been lurking on the board for about a month and have started many, many times to post, but for one reason or another, haven't until now.

First, thanks you all for sharing your life stories, the successes and failures. It has given people like me the courage to accept my addiction, and more importantly, the ability to talk about it (even though this is cyber-chat). Probably the greatest thing I have gotten from you all is that I now know that I am not alone in this addiction. There are other who are like me and together we will succeed. I've learned that one of Satan's greatest tools of deception is to make us believe that "I am the only person with this problem and I am a freak because of it, and should never, never talk about it." Many of you have come a long way, and although backslide from time to time, seem to be on the same path that I, myself, hope to be able to share one day. Please keep up the good work. I know that you are recieving blessings by sharing, but your sharing is also blessing those around you.

Many of you have state things that has peged me to a T as an addict. IKNOWIT......I'm with you, dude, I don't suffer from "physical pain" like many on this board do, and I like you am thankful for that. The pain that we seem to be dealing with is the "emotional pain" and we are using the painkillers to numb the emotions just like the others are using the killers to numb the physical pain. Dude, don't feel bad about that, you are not alone in this. I myself beat myself up for this quite often, but you and I can not do that. The bottom line is this and addict is an addict, like you said. And we are all addicts looking for a better way of life. Keep on keeping on, my friend.

With out getting into a HUGE background of me (This should and will come out in my comming posts), I would like to share some of the highlights of my background, as many of you have.

I've been addicted to vicodin since around 2000 (Actually, I really can't remember when I started). I have never really taken any other meds than vicodin. My daily pill counts have range for 2 or 3 to a maximum of about 15. I've quite twice, only to relapse both times. After pouring thru the many threads and posts on this board the thought crossed my mind that I'm a woosey addict. I didn't take 60 vic's a day or 30 percocets/day or snort oxy, all I took was a few vicodin. Well, the bottom line is and addict is an addict. It doesn't matter if you are strung out on 100 oxycontin/day or a couple vicodin a day......an addict is an addict, and I am an addict.

To be quite honest with you, the reason I started taking was boredom. It wasn't excrutiating (sp) back pain, or diabetic foot, or any legitamet reason, it was boredom. So IKNOWIT you can see how I am able to relate to you. Then I had a couple of medical things happen (kidney stone, broken bones) that sporatically happend which "seemed to justify my using". Well, we all know that was BS, but I bought it at the time.

I've lost things because of my addiction, but not to the extent that many have on this forum. So, I guess, I am the fortunate one. I haven't lost money and material things (which have never been important to me), but I did loose my marriage and am missing out on much of my sons growing up years. That is what hurts the most, not having my boys around all the time. But I have learned to make the best of that as well. Some have mention loosing large sums of money and personal property, etc. IMHO people don't sweat that stuff being gone. After all, every materalistic item on this earth is going to someday be trash in the landfill anyway. That stuff isn't important. What is important is your "spriritual" Posessions. No one can take those from us, except ourselves.

One of the most unfortunate things about my situation is that I have a virtually inexaustable supply of pills available to me. I'm sure that many of you will agree that one of the best ways to overcome and addiction is to stay away from the people and places that supply the stuff. I don't have that luxury. So, although I don't have the large hurtle of overcoming an addiction to strong drugs, I have the problem of having it in my face on a daily basis. I've felt like I've had to be very secretive about it for a long time and although I am at a point in my life that I could care less what happens with my job, I don't want anything to risk me loosing my kids. I'm sure you can figure out that if the wrong people were to find out about this it would have drastic consequences. But, I have a feeling that there are some of you in the same boat as I. This has help to give me the strength to step out of the shadows of lurkerville and into the light.

About a month ago, I have reached another fork in the road of my life. It is time to start doing the right thing again. I'm ready to start living my life again and stop living to die. Well, I started scouring the internet for recovery programs and came across the NA organization. For the first time in my addiction life, I have found something that has given me a glimmer of hope that I can beat this thing that glooms over me like a dark cloud. Through the blessing of the Man, I have found a very close relationship with God. This blessing was afforded to me during my divorce. It was a time in my life where I was shown, without any shadow of a dought, that I was not in control of my life, and I learned that someone else was. Well, being a spiritual person, I believe that the NA program is right down my alley. I've been very excited about the prospects of starting to go to meetings. Well, last friday I went to go to my first meeting. It was a midnight meeting near my house. Since I work midnights and am basically a night time dweller, it was perfect for me. Well, I drove to the place but didn't pull the trigger and walk in. Dumb.

Over the past 4 days, I have weaned myself from taking 15 vicodin/day down to 2 tonight. Tommorrow night(tonight for you daylight dwellers) it will be 1. And then........... well that first day when it will be 0 is VERY, VERY scarey for me, as I'm sure many of you already know. I've been having some w/d signs, but nothing too terrible. The worst has been the restless leg thing. Today, for instance I thought my legs were gonna run a marathon, I took some xanax and was able to get it to settle down long enough for me to sleep. Up until this point in my weaning process, I've been taking melatonin to help me sleep which has really be working well for me.

Well, that got a little longer that I had originally ment it to be. But that is my addiction in a nutshell. I know that I don't have quite the huge obstacles in my way that many of you have had, or currently have, but they are MY obstacles and are very much real and detrememtal to me. I pray for all of you that are/have been worse off than I am. Many of you have life stories that to me seem insurmountable, but I also believe that God will not give us more than we can handle. He has blessing those of you with addictions to strong drugs because he knows it is not too much for you to handle. And I also believe he was merciful to have given me a lesser addiction because I am not as strong as you all are, and he knows that. So for all of you, stay strong. Gain your strength thru our Heavenly Father. And if you don't believe in God, then find strength in what ever being it is that you think is in control of our live, because it is very obvious that we (you and I) are not in control. We can CHOOSE but not CONTROL.

Well, a blessed day to all. I'll check back in tommorrow night.

Blessings,
V

To Be A Rock And Not To Roll

[anrob11]

Hello Cheryl611

I am truly sorry to hear all of the anger behind your words and if I can help, I will.

I participate in a Suboxone Treatment Protocol. What questions do you have ? Also, have you visited the Suboxone specific Titles on this Forum. One is entitled "Suboxone" and the other is "Suboxone Treatment". Perhaps you can find out more there. Another excellent source is the web site www.suboxone.com.

Hear from you soon [?] ... Tony [8D]

To Be A Rock And Not To Roll

[VTX1300]

Well, here I am, only 3hrs and 20min left in day 1 clean and sober.

Had a good day today, a good friend of mine started his walk with Christ. This dude is on fire, like I once was as a new found believer. Man, the high from seeing this happen was better that any drug out there, not hangover, not regret, still want more. I've been trying to help him for almost 2 1/2 months now.

Haven't really had much time to think about taking anything.

Feeling really sleepy. I read somewhere that someone lived their life each day counting the hours till they could go to sleep again. Seems like a pretty good idea, so I'm gonna try this.

Still haven't made the NA meeting, yet. I've been talking to one of my coworkers who is 1 year AA success story. I hope that will be me soon.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I will do the same for you all.

Now only 3hrs and 13 minutes till sleep.......the day 2........
Blessings,
V

[girlie girl]

Hey guys, I hope everyone is doing good. VTX1300, Good luck today. I hope you make it to a na meeting soon. I still have not got up the courage to do so. I can't let go of the last two pills. I tried to wean myself past that point but I've been on two loratab/10's for days. I know its time to let go. Your in my prayers. As for everyone else stuck in this hell...Good luck and have a great day. You guy are my support and every time one of you gets clean it gives me hope. Lots of love [:X]

Girlie Girl

[poorfrompills]

Hi everyone. I've read almost everyones story, and I feel it would be good for me to let mine out. I'm a horrible writer so please bare with me

First off I'd like to say that 8PM tonight makes 3 days without any painkillers whatsover (it's 5PM now)

For over a year now almost everyday I had been taking almost any painkiller I can get my hands. Somedays I would take 6 or more perc 10s, the next a OC 40, the next day an OC 80. At most i would take 2 OC 80s in one day.

Just recently I realized all my money was going. I didn't realize $40 a day would add up to $280 a week, $1120 a month. And that was a cheap month. Some days I would do more pills then others. When my cash ran out for the week I found another way. Cash from my credit card. In about 3 months I maxed out my card to over $7000.00. (it was at $3,000 before i started taking cash)

The money was just the beginning..I started realizing I couldnt have fun anymore without them. I couldnt go to bars and have a few beers without popping pills, i couldn't go out and shop for a halloween outfit this year without taking pills. If I didnt take them for a day I would feel like total ****, and have no motivation to do anything. But when I got the phone call that pills were available, suddenly I was excited, and got the motivation to hop in my truck and go pick them up.

So just the other day I flipped. I was walking out the door to give my friend $40 I owed him. My mom asked me where I was going, and for a reason I still don't know why I just started crying. That's when I spilled everything to her. And damn was it hard. The shame I felt inside still kills me now.

Me and my best friend are now on day 3 without anything. We're doing it together... My mom gave me money i needed to hold me over til next paycheck. I'm on my 2nd day back at the gym (today was a bad day, felt horrible all day long)And I look forward to stop dwelling in the past. I know I made a mistake...tomorrow is a new day. I just have to keep telling myself that.

I can't wait til this feeling ends so I can get my life back together, and be the way I once was. There is alot more to my story..but I'm sure I've already written to much!

I just thank god I have my mother, and people who love me and are helping me. I know some of you don't have the help I have, and I"m very sorry for that. Thanks for listening everyone, I wish you all luck. Wish it to me too.

[girlie girl]

BSGjunkie, Thanks for your post. Maybe I will have to plan a weekend away and leave the pills at home. I wish I just had the strenghth to flush them down the toliet. Thank you for your advice and support....I really needed it. Poorfrompills, Three days is good. Are you having any wd's? You come this far, it should only get better from here on out. Good luck. I hope everyone is having a good night. [:X]

Girlie Girl

[VTX1300]

Well, here I am, day 2. Only 3hrs and 56minutes till sleep time again.

Girlie girl.....just be like the nike commercial and " just do it". You are right, pulling the trigger and having zero for the first day is pretty scarey, but you come this far. You might as well complete the journey. I guess I have been truely blessed right now, because a good friend of mine is just starting his walk with the Lord, and I've been able to reignite my flame for the Lord thru him. It is really cool. Hopefully, you will have something such as this happen soon to help you out. Good luck, and keep at it.

Had a couple of rough times today, but was able to fend off the urge to use.

Nothing major to report in the withdrawl department. Had some dry heaves when I got up today. Feel a little "foggyheaded". Starting to feel the muscle weakness. It seems like I have to pee every 5 minutes. Did have some anxiety early in the night. Felt like you insides were doing flip flops. My heart felt fluttery, wasn't heart problems or anything, all anxiety. Lasted about 45min. Just prayed thru it.

All I can say is Praise be the Lord for it is through the strength and conviction I am recieving from Him, that I am able to do this. And I thank him for finding this group. Seems like the movie "Pay it forward" but for junkies. Thanks all.

Thanks for the encouragement, and to the others (can't remember your names right now, little foggyheaded) Keep on keeping on. Day 3 will lead into day 30 and then 3 years........or so I'm told. But for now taking it minute by minute, day by day. We're gonna be alright, better than we've been in a long time.

I'm gonna go to the midnight NA meeting which will be on Friday. I hope I don't chicken out again, although I think It will be easier knowing that I'm C + S right now. I really have a good feeling about this and feel that I really need this as part of my recovery. Time will tell.

Blessings,
V

[chrish1]

VTX - Way to go! I am on day 30, clean of all painkillers and mood altering drugs. The first few weeks were a roller coaster ride for me - emotions up and down. It usually is a bumpy ride, but just hang in there. The NA meetings and calling people from NA when I have urges or feel down has helped me through the tough times so far. Without NA, I would have relapsed already- UNQUESTIONABLY. You have the right idea taking it day by day. That is how the ones who make it 20 years clean do it - day by day.

Good luck - keep us posted!

Chrish

[girlie girl]

Well, I only had one loratab/10 today. So atleast I made the step from two down to one. Does anyone know if you wean yourself down from as many as 10 a day to 0 if you still have bad wd's. Thanks.

Girlie Girl

[PoppyQueen]

Girlie, you basically cut your dosage in half. How do you feel? Do you feel the difference? How long ago were you taking 10?

Poppy

[chrish1]

Girlie Girl - You have made tremendous progress. Keep doing what your heart tells you to do. You are heading in the right direction. If you weaned from 10 to 2 a day over a period of time and you are not having withdrawl symptoms, I think you will be fine if you wean down to 1 and then nothing. When I weaned down, I was at 1 1/2 a day for several days, then I went to 1/2 for one day, and then nothing. I haven't taken any since then (30 days ago). So, hopefully my experience will help guide you in regards to weaning. You're doing great, just let it come naturally. If you want it, you will do it!

Chrish

quote:Originally posted by girlie girl

Well, I only had one loratab/10 today. So atleast I made the step from two down to one. Does anyone know if you wean yourself down from as many as 10 a day to 0 if you still have bad wd's. Thanks.

Girlie Girl

[Hickchik]

Hey everyone...i've been reading all of your posts, and im here to say "I need help" All my problems started just about 2 years ago. A friend gave me a percocet because i was going through a horiable breakup with my ex. It made me feel great. I started taking a percocet every night before bed. then i started taking them before work, and at night. then about a year ago i met my (now) fiance who has had 3 major hip surgerys. He was prescribed Oxycotin. One evening he gave me 1/2 a 40mg. I loved it! i took 20mgs a few times a week..then every day a week. Then started taking an whole 40mg oxy. A friend of ours convinced us to try sniffing an oxy one evening...we've been doing it that way everyday since, although now we are both doing atleast an 80mg/day we've done as much as 120mg in a day before. My fiance no longer gets a perscription so we have resorted to buying them from a guy in my town. at $40/80mg per person this addiction is breaking us! It seems i work just to afford our addiction. I have NEVER been addicted to anything in my life. I come from a very strict family--ive done very well at hiding my addiction, I do not have insurance, nor can i afford to not work so checking myself into rehab is not an option. I need help. I have tried a few times to stop-i never make it more than 36 hours. Can someone please tell me where to start! what do i do?
If anyone can help me, please i'll listen to anything anyone has to say. Im so scared.
Thank you so much in advance, from the bottom of my heart.

[mpvt]

Your a perfect canadate for suboxone (buprenorphene).Methadone is to strong for you and your just in the throes of addiction so suboxone would be your best bet.Www.suboxone.com there you will find the doctor locator that will tell you the doctors that prescribe suboxone in your area.Going cold turkey and even weaning down almost always end in failure.What the suboxone will do is take away all of your cravings and you will have no withdrawls.Then you can get your life back in order then when your ready you can do a medical detox with little or no problems.Your very lucky if you do this now because your just starting out, a few more years and you would be doing 10 times the amount you are now and you won't be able to get even a buzz.The only thing you will be doing is trying not to get sick.I wish you all the best and please do something while you can and remember you're doing a real number on your nose too.So the sooner you stop the better,I have seen people who literally blow holes through the interior of their noses.Time to do something now.Good luck......Dave (I'm a 25 year addict)

[poorfrompills]

quote:Originally posted by Hickchik

Hey everyone...i've been reading all of your posts, and im here to say "I need help" All my problems started just about 2 years ago. A friend gave me a percocet because i was going through a horiable breakup with my ex. It made me feel great. I started taking a percocet every night before bed. then i started taking them before work, and at night. then about a year ago i met my (now) fiance who has had 3 major hip surgerys. He was prescribed Oxycotin. One evening he gave me 1/2 a 40mg. I loved it! i took 20mgs a few times a week..then every day a week. Then started taking an whole 40mg oxy. A friend of ours convinced us to try sniffing an oxy one evening...we've been doing it that way everyday since, although now we are both doing atleast an 80mg/day we've done as much as 120mg in a day before. My fiance no longer gets a perscription so we have resorted to buying them from a guy in my town. at $40/80mg per person this addiction is breaking us! It seems i work just to afford our addiction. I have NEVER been addicted to anything in my life. I come from a very strict family--ive done very well at hiding my addiction, I do not have insurance, nor can i afford to not work so checking myself into rehab is not an option. I need help. I have tried a few times to stop-i never make it more than 36 hours. Can someone please tell me where to start! what do i do?
If anyone can help me, please i'll listen to anything anyone has to say. Im so scared.
Thank you so much in advance, from the bottom of my heart.

If you read my story above you sound almost exactly like me. Buying 80s for $40, sometimes doing 2 80s a day. I have never snorted them (my friends do)but I was close to doing them everyday. When I first tried to quit, it was funny how suddenly I found some for "free" from friends. Thats when I said, "hell if i can get em for free, it's me, so why stop". Bad move only brought me in deeper. Tonight at 8PM will be my 5th day without taking a painkiller and i feel great. A little bit of tossing last night, and some anxiety this morning, but I took a Colanzapin (spelling) and that helped. The worst part of the withdrawl for me was the anxiety, especially in the morning. Day 3 was the worst. I woke up and couldnt sit still at work. I wanted to beat the **** out of something.

If you have the symptoms I do I suggest get your dr. to prescribe you some colonapin or xanax to calm you down. It calms the cravings too. (i got them off a friend) I'll be honest and admit that one day I will do one for fun again, but never EVER let it reach the money eating monster it became today. But for now I think the worst is over..and I can get on with my life again.

Good luck!

[poorfrompills]

Sorry for the double post, but I just wanted to add that I would have loved to try the suboxone treatment, but the cost was too tremendous for me...I looked into a local dr. and his costs were astromoical. The sit down fees, the sub discussion, all kinds of costs. So Thats why i went the cold turkey way. Glad I toughed it out.

[girlie girl]

Hey guys. How is everyone doing? Poppy, My only wd have been getting really hot and I feel like I sweat when I havent had a pill in a while. I never sweat so I know it from the pills. I also feel nausaed. Today I did bad I ended up having 2 and a half pills. I had a stessfull day at work and that was all it took. I plan on going back to one tommorrow and then none. So please keep your fingers crossed. Hey Chrish, Thanks for the post. Your right if I want it bad enough then I'm going to do it. Now I just have to really want it and not give into temptation. I have always had an addiction of some sort. I know this is stupid but I think I use to be addicted to plastic surgery. I worked in the clubs and modeled so it was a must. But I think maybe the pill addiction could have started from all that. I mean I got pain killers every time I had surgery done. Poorfrompills, I hope the worst is over for you. You give me hope that I too can overcome my addiction. I have heard that Klonopin is very addicting so please be carefull with it. You've come so far it would suck to have to go through wd's again. Hick chick, Dave is right you should try Suboxone. I have heard great things. This forum is my strength and it can yours too. We are all going through hell... some of us more than other. But we are all here to help each other. Let us know how you are. [:X]

Girlie Girl

[PoppyQueen]

Hi Girlie, I know how those bad days can get to you. It's really tough to quit when you have a fairly reliable source for obtaining your tabs. It really helped when my source disappeared and it was the kick in the ass I really needed.

Now I gotta get off the Suboxone before I get in too deep. It's a shame but the more I read, the more I realize no one should be on it long term unless they use it for life. So, I'm down to 8mgs. I'll stay a couple weeks and drop to 6mgs., etc.

I've been reading on another forum (www.heroin-detox.com tons of info there) that some people were actually using opiates to get off the Suboxone!!! But just a few days worth. There are pages and pages of people just posting about quitting Suboxone. Here we go round and round.

I still feel that Suboxone is one of the best tools for detoxing off opiates.

All have a good, deep sleep. Tomorrow's a bright new day!


PQ
Last painkiller used: 9/25/05
Suboxone started 9/26/05

[Hickchik]

Well ya'll i am on hour 39 with no oxy...woah...never thought i could make it so long! Ihave to admit..last night i did do a bit of cocaine...my first time, a friend said it would help--well it did for a few hours...talk to another friend early this am, and he said it was a bad move, cause coke flushes out anything else in your system making withdrawls worse...well im feeling it today. I really want this..no..i need to do this. Thank you all for the support! And Good luck!

[mpvt]

Hang in there chick and don't let a slip up throw you off track.Cocaine is probably one of the worst phsycologically addictive drug there is.You sure don't need to be doing that because what it does is fills your reward centre in your brain and you don't want that.Keep yourself busy and take lots of long hot baths.Try and sleep whenever you can and most important that you eat well.Take care we're pullin for you.You can and will make it........Dave

[girlie girl]

Hickchick, Girl good job on going this far without any oxy. But damn please stay away from the coke. I was a user for a couple of years. I remember my first time like yesterday....I didnt even like it that much. It became a weekend thing. It stayed that way for a while (I prefer downers)but soon it spread into the week. Dont fool your self and think you can control your addictive personality. You know you've become hooked on pain meds. You can easily become hooked on coke too. Dave is right it is one of the most addicting drugs out there. I OD on new years eve right after my 21st bday. I spent 5 days in ICU. I never touched it again. I had gone from my normal size about 110 lbs to 84 lbs. I never though I was that small. You dont realize what its doing to you tell you get clean. I was best friends with a beautiful girl who had heart faliure and die at 22 years old. We all work at a club together in Vegas. It was her second time to use and she died in her car at the club parking lot. Please be smart. I dont mean to be preachy but I couldnt even tell you how many people I have know to lose everything because of coke. Lots of love.

Girlie Girl