[Kissy1979]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

Hi kissy
are you saying your not going to have the pain after the surgery...
If so then you can just taper off the perc's or are you worried that you will be in to much pain after the surgery and the pain pills wont work...
let me know , Melinda

Well, according to the surgeons, there is a 50% chance it might not even work, and I might be in more pain. Everyone keeps telling me "be careful, ur body is already addicted", due to the fact that I have been on them for so long. I am scared of being addicted, but I also need to be able to function, so I am at my wits end here. Parents are trying to tell me to stop taking them, so lots of confusion on my part.

[ComingHome]

Originally Posted by Kissy1979

Hello! I have been going through all of the posts on here, trying to decide something for myself. 2 years ago I had a terrible accident, and injured my back severly. I have been on percocet fo a year and a half, and honestly don not take it as prescribed. I dont usually take them during the day, but mostly at night before bed, due to pain. I am supposed to take 8 throughout the course of the day. I am 29 years old, and mother of a 4 year old son. I am having surgery soon, but wanted to check this out to see if my body is still going to be addicted after the surgery. I am sooo scared of what could be. As I said before, I try not to take any during the day, but at night I am up to 6 to get me to not feel pain, but the doctor will not up my milligrams, even though I think my body is becoming tolerant, since I take the percocet at night evey night. Sorry such a long post, but I am frightened of the possible outcome and could use some advice.

Kissy, ask your doctor if you can mix in an anti-inflammatory drug or a non-narcotic like Neurontin or one of the other nerve blockers. For me personally, a nerve blocker has removed my need to take narcotic drugs for pain. Each case is different, and different things work for different people, but the point is there are other options out there. Do you think you might be psychologically addicted to them also? I'm not saying you are, but I just remember I had to ask myself that question at some point. Hope you get better!

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by Kissy1979

Well, according to the surgeons, there is a 50% chance it might not even work, and I might be in more pain. Everyone keeps telling me "be careful, ur body is already addicted", due to the fact that I have been on them for so long. I am scared of being addicted, but I also need to be able to function, so I am at my wits end here. Parents are trying to tell me to stop taking them, so lots of confusion on my part.

Hi Kissy
Before I had the surgery I would get off of the pills for one month.when your body becomes dependent it actually creates more pain than the accident caused and the pain will definitely come out in your back.
get clean for just a month and reassess your pain. so then you could make a good judgment call to see if you even want to have your surgery.
good luck to you
Let us know how you are.
Melinda

[Kissy1979]

I have found myself asking the question if I am psycologically addicted, all the time. I don't know if it's because of all the talks with my family and friends, or if I am just scared after hearing sooo many stories of addiction starting just like mine. i am on neurontin 300 mg 3x daily, plus the percocet. Like I had said earlier, I find myself trying not to take them during the day, which sometimes is impossible due to the pain. On the other hand, I am scared because I find I have to take 5 or 6 at night to take the pain away so I can sleep. I am looking for advice, and was told to come here, since there are so many people that are or have been in the same situation as me. I thank any or everyone in advance for their much appreciated input! ;o)

[ComingHome]

Originally Posted by Kissy1979

I have found myself asking the question if I am psycologically addicted, all the time. I don't know if it's because of all the talks with my family and friends, or if I am just scared after hearing sooo many stories of addiction starting just like mine. i am on neurontin 300 mg 3x daily, plus the percocet. Like I had said earlier, I find myself trying not to take them during the day, which sometimes is impossible due to the pain. On the other hand, I am scared because I find I have to take 5 or 6 at night to take the pain away so I can sleep. I am looking for advice, and was told to come here, since there are so many people that are or have been in the same situation as me. I thank any or everyone in advance for their much appreciated input! ;o)

Krissy, only you can answer that question about whether or not you are psychologically addicted. That's between you and your higher power if you have one. You don't have to answer that question here. Self honesty is key, and it is what matters in my experience, so great job considering that question. Hang in there and keep us posted!

ComingHome

[anotheraddict]

Hey guys,

I am still here. I did stay away from posting for a few days to clear my head, but I kept on reading. And I kept feeling like I should be helping. Thank you to Robert, Linda, and Melinda for the wonderful encouraging messages. I needed to take a few days away from posting for myself, but I am back.

I am still clean, as clean as I can be. My foot is swollen horribly again, but at least it's not hurting any extra this time. The meds and I will always have a love/hate relationship from here on out I think. I love the way they make me feel (I am an addict, after all), but I hate taking them and I hate them in their entirety. They will never have a hold of my life the way they did before. They will never be a part of my daily life or even my regular scheduled life. I will never plan to take them.

I am still working on coming to terms with the idea that I may never be completely off of the meds. At the same time I have started thinking I might need to find a new pain mgmt doc. I tried to ask my doc questions at my last visit, and he seemed annoyed with every one of them. All he wanted to do was write my scripts and get on to the next pt. I do have to wait until I have insurance again to seek a new doc. I am starting a new job this month and that will allow me to regain insurance.

The things that I am struggling with are internal. You all have been nothing but supportive. I still feel like I am letting people down, but I have to remind myself that those things are only in my head. I have nothing to be ashamed of now. On the plus side, I made it past the month trials and tribulations without giving in to the demons. I sat there and actually talked to them and told them I am stronger than they are. That I will win this war. It probably sounds dumb, but it made me feel empowered.

Jean

[brndout]

Originally Posted by anotheraddict

Hey guys,

I am still here. I did stay away from posting for a few days to clear my head, but I kept on reading. And I kept feeling like I should be helping. Thank you to Robert, Linda, and Melinda for the wonderful encouraging messages. I needed to take a few days away from posting for myself, but I am back.

I am still clean, as clean as I can be. My foot is swollen horribly again, but at least it's not hurting any extra this time. The meds and I will always have a love/hate relationship from here on out I think. I love the way they make me feel (I am an addict, after all), but I hate taking them and I hate them in their entirety. They will never have a hold of my life the way they did before. They will never be a part of my daily life or even my regular scheduled life. I will never plan to take them.

I am still working on coming to terms with the idea that I may never be completely off of the meds. At the same time I have started thinking I might need to find a new pain mgmt doc. I tried to ask my doc questions at my last visit, and he seemed annoyed with every one of them. All he wanted to do was write my scripts and get on to the next pt. I do have to wait until I have insurance again to seek a new doc. I am starting a new job this month and that will allow me to regain insurance.

The things that I am struggling with are internal. You all have been nothing but supportive. I still feel like I am letting people down, but I have to remind myself that those things are only in my head. I have nothing to be ashamed of now. On the plus side, I made it past the month trials and tribulations without giving in to the demons. I sat there and actually talked to them and told them I am stronger than they are. That I will win this war. It probably sounds dumb, but it made me feel empowered.

Jean

Hi jean -This is Linda Well if that sounds dumb than I am a blithering idiot because if you have read any of my posts you know I made it a personal vendetta between subs and I . Many of you may not have to , it may be easy street but I didn't induct with Robert and I made up my own taper . It was based on bits and pieces here and there -what a surprise that it didn't work at all like I thought it should. As for the empowerment I have been saying the big issue here is taking your power back. Once you dig deep down and get in touch with that -women ,I might piss the men off here , but I can equate it with that primal unquestioning desire to protect your own child. Has any mother ,when their child has been in trouble not been able to see their way clearly when it comes to protecting them? That same feeling works for me . The drugs are threatening your family so fight then the way you would any other asshole that is going to cane anfd rob you of ypour lifr

[ComingHome]

Originally Posted by brndout

Hi jean -This is Linda Well if that sounds dumb than I am a blithering idiot because if you have read any of my posts you know I made it a personal vendetta between subs and I . Many of you may not have to , it may be easy street but I didn't induct with Robert and I made up my own taper . It was based on bits and pieces here and there -what a surprise that it didn't work at all like I thought it should. As for the empowerment I have been saying the big issue here is taking your power back. Once you dig deep down and get in touch with that -women ,I might piss the men off here , but I can equate it with that primal unquestioning desire to protect your own child. Has any mother ,when their child has been in trouble not been able to see their way clearly when it comes to protecting them? That same feeling works for me . The drugs are threatening your family so fight then the way you would any other asshole that is going to cane anfd rob you of ypour lifr

Wow, that was POWERFUL. Thank you.

ComingHome

[Robert_325]

Linda ... you have come so far in such a short time my friend. I love hearing you express yourself in the fashion you just used. That was a great analogy and anyone, male or female, should be able to relate to what you said. Proud of you girl!



Jean .... I'm really happy to see you back posting again. It upset me terribly when I saw your post several days ago saying you were backing away from the forum as you felt you had let people down ... that you weren't totally clean because you had taken a pill at a time when you required it.

Just remember that if we require a pill for legitimate reasons our body doesn't know the difference. The body just knows that the pill felt good and it's happy you chose to take it. But deep down inside your spirit and your soul knows whether or not you really needed that medication.

As I suggested before if you read the NA basic text on page 99 I believe it talks about how sometimes during recovery we are left with little choice regarding medication. I suggest you read that part of the text (in fact reading the entire book wouldn't be a bad idea) . But my point is that recovery is between you and God. You know how you feel, no one else knows that but you. We are here for support for you but decisions you make regarding medication are between you and God and no one else. We are here whenever we can help but some things are your call only and not anyone else's business.

Be honest with yourself always! But cut yourself enough slack to realize that some things are beyond your control. We are all powerless over so many things that we would like to be able to control. Acceptance is a huge part of recovery. Always try to keep things in the proper perspective and know that God will help direct you in the decision making process if you allow Him the opportunity. Keep coming back! God bless.

[brndout]

Originally Posted by ComingHome

Wow, that was POWERFUL. Thank you.

ComingHome

Thanks for the nice words Robert but I really should edit my posts more carefully .I get all passionate and click send and when I read then later I think, Oh ******** - I know how to spell what the *** happened . Guess you can't edit after the time limit . God knows that I have tried . The last line was supposed to say ...fight them the way you would any other asshole who is going to come and rob you of your life. And your right Robert I'm sure that men -some of them feel the exact same way and I suppose to be fair some women do not. But most of us do -which reminds me that Sunday is Mothers's Day. I know that most Moms don't want their children running out and buying expensive things or exhausting themselves to find the "right gift"-and that means our grown up children too-. I think we want you to understand and acknowledge the fact that us Mothers live and breathe our child's life. Their little hurts and big ones ,every moment that they have been dissapointed or sad , cuts like a knife to a mom's heart and their joys and successes swell a moms heart to overflowing. We would in a second take on all your pain if we could but only if it was good for you as we've had to sit back at times and watch you suffer because in the big picture it was best for you .Don't think for a second we wern't dying a bit inside but we suffer for you. There is no greater joy and no greater pain than raising a child . For Mother's day just tell your Mom how much she means to you and if you can go hang out with her ,Not just pick her up ,eat and drop her off but talk to her. Maybe ask her about her life , hear her stories ,and get to know the woman who will be there and has been there no matter what. There will come a day when she's not there and the void will be huge.OK enough I don't know wht i went on that rant . Anyway spend time or call your Mom.

[Robert_325]

Linda ... as hardcore as I may sound on this place at times one thing you don't have to worry about is me NOT being with my mom on mother's day. She is the one person in my life who has ALWAYS been there for me. She has never let me down.

It took me a long time to get clean. I still remember vividly my mom sitting on her patio crying her eyes out as I was being an idiot still abusing myself and putting my life on the line at almost 50 years old. She NEVER gave up on me. I love my mom, she's one in a million. And she hears about it from me regularly. YEAH MOMS! I mean that sincerely! God bless.

[brndout]

Hi Robert - just wanted you to know that that the post that included my little mom tirade wasn't directed at you or anyone in particular. I just happened to be responding to your post when I thought about Moms. But what you said about your mom is what I was trying to say. She knew the real essence of you and would never have given up on you. I'm sure she had way more faith in you than you had in yourself and suffered right along with you during your drug years. She must be so happy with your current condition . Aren't you so glad that she has been able witness your life changing acceptance of God's gift and how well you have used it to help yourself and so many others. Tell your mom Happy Mother's Day from all of us here and thank her for raising such a cool kid.

[Robert_325]

My mom told me a few years ago on her birthday that the best gift I had ever given her was that she could now go to bed at night not worrying that I might die doing something stupid before she woke up, or that she would get that dreaded phone call in the middle of the night that something had happened to me. It tears me up when I think about how badly I hurt my mom for so many years. My one regret in life is that my dad never lived long enough to see me clean. But he was a Christian and I know he is smiling down on me today. I have a hard time relating to others' horror stories about their parents and their bad childhoods. My parents were the best. They always supported me no matter what I did even when they probably should have blown me off. I have always loved my parents. God bless.

[anotheraddict]

Thanks for the responses and encouragement, guys. And thanks for bringing this thread back to positive topics

Jean

[wsophie]

Taking painkillers for back pain, body pain or other reasons if increased leads to addiction and have bad side effects.

[anotheraddict]

Originally Posted by wsophie

Taking painkillers for back pain, body pain or other reasons if increased leads to addiction and have bad side effects.

Please share more of your infinite wisdom with us, oh wise one. I never would have thought of that on my own!

[ComingHome]

Originally Posted by wsophie

Taking painkillers for back pain, body pain or other reasons if increased leads to addiction and have bad side effects.

So simple, but so many of us didn't use common sense like this.

[chrish1]

Originally Posted by ComingHome

So simple, but so many of us didn't use common sense like this.

ComingHome, that is a shockingly simple but profound message. It does seem so obvious, but then why do so many fall into the trap. I haven't checked this board in quite some time, but it looks like it has slowed down from "the day." I hope everyone is doing well.

Chrish

[ComingHome]

Yo, heard that Chrish. I remember you from back in the diz-ay. You helped a lot of people on this board, including me. You are like a legend on here for those that remember you. I noticed you have the same clean date - WOW 3 1/2 years clean! Amazing! That gives us all hope.

[Kissy1979]

Well, it has been a few months since I posted last, and melinda, I am going to have surgery on this coming Wednesday! I decided it was a worth a try, since I really do not want to be on the narcotics for the rest of my life. I am scared, but I know it's something I need to do. They have upped my meds, so they are even stronger now than they were before. I am hoping that after my surgery, I will no longer need the medication. I want to thank everyone again for their feed back, which I truly appreciate! I will keep you posted, and again thankyou! And thanks to "coming home" also, u guys really do give heartfelt advice!

[melinda7.5]

Hi Kissy

Thanks for coming back to say hi and let us know what is going on.
Please let us know how it goes on Wednesday...

I will be having surgery also in a couple months and my doctor said I will need pain meds when I have it done I told her about my addiction but it is really scary thinking that I will again have those stupid pills in my body...
I wont get addicted again I might need them when Im in the hospital, but after that there is no way I will take them...

Wish you all the best...
Talk to you soon,
Melinda

[ComingHome]

Kissy, good luck with your surgery on Wednesday I'm glad that you could use some of our experience, even if it was just to plant some kind of seed Stay in touch!

Hey everyone, remember MJ - allegedly a victim of painkiller addiction.

Coming Home

[Gandhi_311]

Hey everybody.. so I came to the board about 8 months ago trying to get clean and getting info on NA meetings. I came here 3 years ago actually when I first tried to get clean.. Long story short, I continued to use until April 29th and I have been clean ever since. I was hiding my addiction from everyone around me. My wife had no idea (though she did know that I would take too many pills), my parents, friends, coworkers, no one knew. So basically on the 27th my wife caught me and kicked me out of the house (Thank God). It was really hard and I was in the middle of finals week. I used for two more days after that then finally decided I needed help to beat this. I went through rehab and was introduced to AA and NA. Basically, I was forced to go and I am so grateful that I did. Rehab saved my life and AA will continue to save it. Bill W. and Dr. Bob were inspired by God to create those steps. I firmly believe that. Anyway, I am 63 days clean and I know I have a long road ahead of me. This is the longest I have been clean in three years. I thought when I would quit for a few weeks that I was in recovery. NOPE. I was a dry drunk. Recovery is working your program. SO... anyway, thanks for those who responded to me back then and for encouraging me to go to AA or NA. Life is a good place to live today. I know I can only survive one day at a time.. More than that is too overwhelming. God bless.

- G

[chrish1]

Gandhi,

What a great testimony! I can tell you are working a program, and some of the important information is starting to sink in. Most of us had the same skeptical attitude towards programs like NA and AA, but meanwhile we continued to use. We didn't give it a real chance. Many of us went to a meeting or 2 and decided that it won't work for us, or that we can do it on our own, or that it's a bunch of BS. Meanwhile we continued to use. Obviously, when we are still using, our own program isn't working. I don't know about you, but I already knew everything. Meanwhile, I continued to use. It usually takes some kind of tramatic event for us to finally realize that we need help. I'll never say that NA and AA are the only solutions, but I have seen it work for those who have truely worked a program and reached out for help. Thank you for your testimony, and keep comin' back.

Chrish

[Bre33]

after reading a lot of these posts, i would guess that a few of these people on here work for suboxone... ???

[ComingHome]

Originally Posted by Bre33

after reading a lot of these posts, i would guess that a few of these people on here work for suboxone... ???

Yo, that's funny. I've never reallly thought that, but I must admit that did make me wonder. I'm not sure, but I've been watching/posting on this board for a while, and it does go through cyclical suboxone exhuberence from time to time. LOL Don't get me wrong, sub can be a great tool, but it is NOT a cure all IMO. If used with a program, it can be extremely helpful though from what I've seen. I've seen many post how great it is and then post a year later about how they've felt "tricked" into another addiction or got off it and relapsed again. Again, I want to stress, that it can be a great tool, but should be used in combination with a program. I think Robert had a good post to that effect a month or 2 ago.

Peace!

ComingHome

[Robert_325]

I agree that subs are just a tool to get off the opiates. That's all it's for. Soboxone doesn't cure anything.

Getting clean is relatively easy. Staying that way is much harder. I always suggest some type of recovery/support program be it NA, AA, Celebrate Recovery, church or whatever it takes for each person.

Patients can get prescribed into longterm maintenance programs on high dose suboxone and it's tough getting off without some challenges. Drs shouldn't do that to patients and too many do. God bless.

[Kissy1979]

Well Melinda and Coming home, I had the surgery. I have had vigorious physical therapy, and now I am realizing the surgery didn't work. It feels like the pain is even worse than before. I got fed up 3 days ago, and decided to stop taking my percocet cold turkey. WRONG MOVE. It is my 3rd day off, I am in the bathroom constantly, even though I haven't eaten, I'm hot, then cold, and haven't slept. My legs feel like I need to keep stretching them all night long. I wanted to test to see if my back pain was gone, and it has doubled. Now I don't know if it's because of the withdraw, or the surgery. i am scared to death, having to take care of my 4 year old, and not being able to function at 29 years old, this isn't life. I would like some advice as to if I should take my pain medication tonight to help me, or wait another day of agony to see if it's the withdraw. Also, is there anything I can take to help me ease this, or should I just take my pain meds like my doctor is telling me too. PLEASE.... any advice is truly appreciated. Thanks everyone!

[Kissy1979]

Well Robert and Melinda I haven't heard anything back from you. I wanted to wait to get your advice, but i couldn't wait any longer. My friend gave me 4 8mg suboxone, and insisted that if I take them, I can withdraw safely off of my percocet. I took a 1/2 last night, and was fine. I took a quarter just now, feel ok, but I am sweating alot. What my question is now is I would like to know if after I finish those subs, will I be through the withdraw process, or will I need more? Reason I started taking them in the first place is my friend told me that it would help me withdraw off the percs safely, and now I am only going to take the percs if absolutely necessary for my pain. i don't find myself mentally craving them, which I think is a good thing. I have pain, but trying to push through it to get the percs out of my system so I can go back to normal dosages. Please let me know if you think I am doing the right thing, because I don't want to end up hurting myself....thanks again!! ;o)

[Robert_325]

Kissy ... I didn't realize you were waiting on a reply from me. I've been very busy this last month though maybe I missed something.

You should be taking the subs twice a day but it doesn't sound like you want to take them like I normally suggest. You're just trying to get through the first week of opiate detox and stop it appears. If that's the case just spread them out in 4mg doses as far apart as you can stand them. That's about all I can suggest with four pills.

If you continue to take pain medication or not that's something you'll need to decide for yourself and with your dr. I don't know enough about you to advise you how you should take pain medication. God bless.