[mslibo]

oh ******************** im sorry i dont chew oc, but i do chew all the others. i made a typo up there, i definetly use them for the time release support. the other ones i chew though.

as for everything else i appreciate your support, but there is something you didnt mention,,,i was asking about my dark circles around my eyes, and the pale face..do you think thats a bad sign? or is that a reaction from the pills.

thanks,
marc

[ZenVato]

Hey there, peeps - Checking in for the first time after reading just about ever post here in this thread over the past few weeks. I feel like I know a bunch of you personally!

Long story short - Been addicted to PK's for the past 6-7 years. Averaging 160-200 mg Oxy and/or whatever else I happen to have at the time per day. I won't get too into detail here - But I've got all the war stories, have lost tons of $ and have done alot of damage to alot of peeps (incl myself).

I'm here to tell you all - You can beat it. I went cold turkey on June 1st, and am in Day 12. For those of you who tried it and fell off - Don't be hard on yourself - I've been there, too. For myself, I had to find out the hard way that this is a lifelong thing - I can't get off of the pills and then have the ability to possibly step back in and pop 1 here or there - I thought I might be able to, but found out the hard way that that's not the case. I finally had to do some soul-searching and throw that label on myself ("addict") that I was so quick to put on others in the past and so slow to apply to myself.

The keys, I think, are 2 - Realizing you have a problem and then really truly wanting to stop.

There are certainly alot of options out there - Subs, Meth, Clinics, etc. I decided to go cold turkey (again). The difference for me this time is that this is the first time I went in knowing that it has to be a lifelong thing. In the past, I'd gone in figuring that once I "beat" it, then I can go back and take some whenever I'd like and keep it under control. Like I said earlier, I had to find out the hard way that that's not a possibility. So I went in this time knowing that I can never ever relapse again.

Relating what I've gone through to now - It's tough, but beatable. The first few days (maybe 1-4) were far and away the hardest. Days 5-7 were also hard - But alot easier than 1-4. And since then, it's not easy, but every day is easier than the day before. You just need to stick with it and know that every hour that goes by is getting you closer to your goal. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's a beautiful light. Go to the light, kids!

I kept telling myself that the pain I was feeling (and I felt it all - RLS, sleeplessness, nausea, stomach, diarea, etc) was my body getting rid of the toxins and healing itself. I read alot of what everyone on here had said, and for myself the following have helped tremendously: Try to do some stretching before bed - Stick to the legs and try to hold the stretches for 30 seconds or so each - This will help a little w/ the RLS. Take 50-100 mg 5-HTP's - They help your body to maintian it's seratonin levels. Have the Ammodium ready - But stick to the recomended dosages. Take a multi and some B's. Drink as much water & Gatorade as you can. Think positive. Know that you'll get through it - You will. And your life will be much more rewarding once you do. Keep reading these posts - You'll find folks who've been in your exact situation to relate to. I know that alot of you helped me tremendously with your words of wisdom and encouragement - These people will do the same for all of you out there who want to quit this thing and get your lives back.

Halfway thru Day 12 - Like life, it's a journey and not a destination. Each step along the way, though, is a step away from the problems and life I decided to leave and a step closer to where I want to be. Life is choices, and I know I've made alot of pretty lousy ones. Correction - I don't know that it would be possible to make much worse choices than a tremendous number of the ones I made. OK - I can dwell on that, or go from here. I choose to go from here and do everything I can to learn from my past and make better choices going forward. I deserve it, and the people I love deserve to have the best me I can be.

Thank you to everyone on here - There are a whole bunch of amazing folks here - Take advantage of their wisdom, compassion & experience, peeps.

Thanks for listening and let me know if there's ever anything I can help with.

Peace. love & light.

[Robert_325]

ZenVato ... cool post! Congratulations on your success at cleaning up. Your head seems to be in a really good place following just two weeks of detox. I have no doubt you will be just fine as long as you maintain your present positive and very realistic attitude. I wish you the very best of luck as you go forward in your new life. We are always here if you need anything.

mslibo ... Hi Marc ... sorry I missed your question regarding your physical appearance. Dark circles around your eyes and the loss of color in your face are obviously not encouraging signs. I wouldn't consider them to be anything that merits a death watch ... but your body is suffering from a loss of proper rest and you are likely experiencing a lot of anxiety. You are probably not getting the amount of nutrition you should be either. There are several things that could cause the symptoms you describe, but what I have suggested are the most likely ones. I have seen people who looked like they just jumped out of a casket while both using and during detox. It puts our bodies through a lot when we do some of the things we do to ourselves. You will both look and feel so much better when you are in a position to write a post like the one that ZenVato just wrote above. Keep posting and I wish you the very best of luck with cleaning up and changing your life for the better.

[ZenVato]

Thanks for the good words, Robert!

I don't want anyone to get my post wrong - This has not been easy and I'm counting the minutes/hours and all. I've read alot of posts where people are extremely scared and doubting their abilties to make it, and I simply wanted to let them know they could definitely do it. If I can do it - Anyone can. The first important key is really knowing you want it. And next, you need to fight through the pain of the withdrawls knowing that there is a calm after the storm. I'm struggling every day, but it has gotten easier.

If you want to quit - Know that you can. Have faith in yourself and go out there and prove to yourself that you're stronger than you think. I know that you are, and I have confidence in you. If your younger brother or sister or someone who looks up to you for life's advice were in the exact same position that you are - What would you tell them? How would you motivate them? Do you know that they need to get past this, and do you have faith that they can? Well - Turn the tables and apply these answers to yourself. We tend to give well-meaning advice well to others - The true test is taking that advice (that we obviously believe if we're willing to give it to our loved ones) ourselves. Go for it. Take baby steps and set small goals for yourself - 4 hours; 12 hours; 24 hours; etc. These small numbers will add up and will soon be more impressive. At some point in your life, you're going to need to fight through the pain you'll experience - And the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Now's the time. If you start this right now, then you'll look back in a couple of weeks and be proud of yourself and be in a much better place. That's not to say it's over at that point - It's a continuous struggle - But I'm here to tell you it does get easier. The bulk of the physical stuff you'll dread will be over within a week or two. And armed w/ the confidence you'll have for having got through it, nothing will stop you from that point on.

Again - Decide to do it, keep the faith and go for it. You're going to make it, and once you do you'll be able to bring that much more to the table for your friends & family and you'll be able to help others who are in the same position right now with your experience and with your successful story.

I'm still taking baby steps myself. The RLS is still there - But much less than the first 4-5 days. The sleeplessness is still here - I hear from most folks that that's the last part to get back to normal and an average time for it to do so is around a month. I'm a martial artist and have learned to go w/ the flow as opposed to trying to oppose it - That's what I try to do as much as possible w/ the sleeplessness. Don't force it - Sleep when it comes. And when it doesn't - Read a book or do something worthwhile that passes the time. The sleep will come when you need it to.

Keep reading thir forum - There are a ton of folks who are much wiser and stronger than me who really care about you and who've got incredible wisdom for you. You guys (I forget the screen names now that I'm writing this) have been over-the-top helpful to me in my struggle, and I thank you. From the Led Zep fans (of which I'm a huge one) who I haven't seen here for awhile to En Point? To the lady who's fam wasn't as supportive to her but who's last post I read seems to have gotten one of her kids on board (I loved reading that!). To Robert. To All of the countless folks I'm not remembering here. Thanks for caring and thanks for being there.

Day 14 and taking it step by step. I know I can do it - And I know that you can, too.

Be strong - Vaya con dios.

[Gavi]

Originally Posted by Felicity

Hi, I have a question. My husband is addicted to pain pills and I'm trying to find a clinic in our area that will give him suboxin, can anyone tell me how to go about finding one? I would really appreciate it. Thanks

yes.type in SAMSHA,and or google it..I believe it will give you the help and answers you need...drs. will be listed by states.

[Robert_325]

You can also go to http://naabt.org/ . Type in your zip code and they will give you a list of all suboxone certified drs in your area as well as the pharmacies that carry suboxone. This is the National Alliance of Advocates for Buprenorphine Treatment web site.

[nursemomwife]

I have stumbled upon this site and have been glued for 2 days.I really thought I was alone in my agony.I have led a secret life for approx 10 yrs. I am a professional, well respecteed upon my peers,very involved mother and perfectionist by most standards in homemaking.I am considered to be a very strong and reliable person.I run my household,make most decisions on part of my parents and take care of my husbands grandparents. I become literally paralyzed at the thought of being revealed. I don't know if I could withstand the humiliation. What scares me most is the realization of being an addict.Supply is not a problem. I am a nurse and any Dr. will give me a script w/o question so I am not wanting to quit because of that. Until the other night, my husband knew that I took Darvocet,due to a chronic condition,but could never tell the extent because I am a master at hiding it. In any case I had to fess up to my problem. Just like everyone else I have wanted to quit after every refill. I barely get the high any longer even thou i am up to approx 30 plus a day. The pills give me the ability to maintain my rep as"super woman".More of a calming effect and mood elevator.With all I've read here I am scared to death of w/d and have opted to taper off. I still have to work which requires me to drive all day. I also have access to pills everyday.My husband is the only person that knows and claims he will supportive but my marraige of 20yrs. has me very skeptical.Honestly, this sight is what has convinced me that I can do it. I don't take anything until the afternoon at which time I can take 10-12 pills at a time to get my supper on the table.I have had 20 today and plan for no more today. Tomorrow I will try 15.(half of normal dose)Please, is their anyone in my situation with such unlimited access and how do you resist the temptation after you have licked the physical addiction.any response would be appreciated.

[aboutit]

Could someone out there please reassure me with their personal experience with the horrible experience of Vicodin withdrawal-here is my situation: I took Vicodin for about a year straight, near the end I was taking about 10 to 12 a day--I know that is not terribly excessive compared to some people's scenarios I have read about (as far as duration and quantity), but none the less, I have been going through hell with this whole withdrawal process. I quite approximately two weeks ago--I have a difficult time with the whole "taper" premise so I quit cold turkey (after using a little Suboxone for a few days that a friend gave me). I know I am preaching to the choir, but that was/is the most horrible experience I have ever experienced. The first 7 days was pure hell for me--you guys know what I am talking about. I will NEVER go through that again, nor would I wish that experience upon my worst enemy. The reason I am writing this post is because tomorrow will be two weeks and I am still not feeling that well. I know it takes time, and I certainly am feeling much better than last week, but I am still extremely uncomfortable--I just so want to feel better mentally and physically. I just thought by two weeks I would feel much better than this, and it really sucks. I thank God that I have a little Xanax a friend gave me, but I still wake up after just a few hours of sleep (when I do go to sleep because I am so tense). I am horribly depressed which I know is a side effect of the withdrawal process. I just feel seriously under the weather and all I can pretty much do is sit around because I have absolutely no energy, have bowel issues, and just feel plain ********************py. I know I just need to be patient, but could some of you give me some feedback with your own experiences so I know there is light at the end of the tunnel and I will begin to feel like a normal human being! Maybe explain to me how long it took some of you to feel truly better. Thank you!

[ZenVato]

Hey there, Aboutit & Nursemomwife - Just read both of your posts and can relate 100% to each of you.

Aboutit - I'm in your ballpark as far as how long you've been off. I went cold turkey on June 1st, after years of an almost 200 mg per day Oxy problem. I'm on Day 16 now, and it's easier but still extremely hard. What I can tell you is that as bad as you still feel - Know that you'll feel much better next week and then much better the following week. I'm basing this on folks who've been through it telling me how it's going to go. They told me that Week 1 would be the worst. Week 2 would be bad, but probably twice as good as Week 1. And they'd told me that Week 3 will be twice as easy as Week 2 and so on and so on.

Some keys - I know you said you don't have much energy, but you need to start doing some kind of exercise. Even just walking and stretching. Your body has ceased making it's own Dopamine, and until that gets going again, you'll feel sluggish and have the RLS & flulike symptoms. Exercise is the best way to speed up that process. In addition - What has helped me tremendously is replacing the old habit with new ones. You need to try to mix up your life a little bit. In the past, everything you've been doing has involved the drugs - If you keep doing those same things, for now at least it'll be pretty difficult. Switch up your activities and schedule somewhat if you can. And as bad as you feel, know that the worst is behind you and you will feel better and better as you go forward. Compare how you feel now to how you felt Week 1 - A big improvement, right? You're doing an awesome thing for yourself, and you'll get to the point where you feel it physically very soon. Keep on the roll you're on & keep the faith.

Nursemomwife - It sounds like you've already tackled the first important step - Knowing you've got the problem and making the decision that you need to stop. The next step is, as the folks from Nike say - Go for it. You now need to just know that you're going to kick this and get rid of your pills. Don't hold onto any, b/c if you have that Plan b then you'll probably end up choosing it at some point. Get rid of all of them and make up your mind not to get more. And as you start the process, know that as tough as it'll be that it will get easier and easier as you move along. Once you pass each day, then as long as you don't cave in and take more pills - You'll be moving down the road and making it easier and eaiser for yourself each step of the way. Coming clean w/ your husband like I believe you said you did will help. Alot of people try to quit, but can't. On the other hand - Alot of people try to quit and make it. Which group do you choose to be in? The way I looked at it, if all those folks out there who can quit and stay off of the drugs can do it - Then why not me? What kind of example do I want to set for my children if they were to ever go back and read my life story, so to speak? I have a similar situation to yourself, in that I'm a family guy with alot of responsibility and all of that. The usual way to go is to just tell folks you've got the flu for the first week or so - That'll give you your excuse to lay low and not have to be there as much as ususal for everyone. The truth is always best, but if you're not totally comfortable with that (and I can't blame you - most people aren't), then this white lie will help you out and give you some room to heal. By the start of the 2nd week, you'll still feel a little bit bad - But you'll be way better than the first week and will be able to function and do what you need to do. Some keys - Try to do whatever you can as far as exercise. If you can't exercise, any kind of movement will help - Walking, stretching, etc. Gatorade helps alot. Have Ammodium handy, but try not to exceed the recomended dosages. Take a good multivitamin, with emphasis on the B's. Soy protein in any form will also speed up the healing process. Some folks swear by the sleeping pills and/or Nyquill - I chose to not go those routes simply b/c they don't work well for me and create their own problems (for me). In addition, as silly as it sounds - I wanted the first week to be hard, not to punish myself, but to really send home the message that I need to not go through it again. If it wasn't as challenging as it's been, then who knows - Maybe I'd regress down the road.

Aboutit & Nursemomwife - You can both do it. Believe in yourselves & know that you can. I belive in both of you, so if you lose some of your confidence - Borrow some of the faith that I have in you. As challenging as this will be - It gets easier, and it is not unsurmountable. Set small goals for yourselves - an hour, 4 hours, 12 hours, a Day, 30 hours, etc, etc. These small amounts will keep building on themselves and amount to larger amounts. When you feel yourself hurting - Know that that hurting's a good thing. It's your body ridding itself of the toxins and getting healthy. And know that once you've gotten yourself away from this - You're going to be that much better of a mom, dad, friend, son, daughter, etc. Know, too, that you'll then be able to help pthers who've gone through what you're going through now. Listen to what I'm saying here b/c it's important - IT DOES GET EASIER AND YOU WILL BEAT THIS.

Read this forum and you'll both find alot of people who've gone through what you're each going through and who really want to help the two of you.

Vaya con dios & keep us posted on your progress!

[nursemomwife]

zenveto, thanks so much for your encouragement. Am I understanding that you went c/t? Do u think that the tapering will not work? I am very afraid of the wd but I am absolutely going to kick this wd's or not. I am having symptoms already just tapering.Nothing bad but their there and I have only cut almost half. this is my 4 day.Did u come clean w/everyone.Does ur wife, family, employere know? Also, have u been to any meetings. Again, I'm afraid to see anyone but am a believer of group help.I CAN NOT do anything to jepordize my work. It is based on my reputation and good name(scary)and to make matters worse the very physicians that hold me in such high regard are the very ones I have abused. The very least would cost me my job,black bald me in town and could very well cost me my medical licenses.I am alone in this but once upon a time I was a very strong person,I just have to find her again.I know what ur going to say, but this is much different than anything I've ever had to do. Thanks so much again for your response. Please write again. It means alot to be able to talk openly.

[ZenVato]

Hey, Nursemomwife - Glad to hear you're at Day 4 - Keep it up!

I'm trying to remember all of your questions, and will do my best to answer them. I chose to cold turkey just b/c I know me and thought it was the best way to go for myself. I've read alot of forums here on the net, and weening does seem like the better way to go. I'm just impatient and wanted to move as quickly as possible. Weening, by definition, probably takes a little bit longer - But the pain should be less along the way and thus it's probably the smarter way to go. I don't know much about it - But if you go back and read the posts here, you'll get better answers as to how much to keep decreasing and how long to stay on each step. It seemed to me like people went alot of different routes on the weening front, and that it's more of a personal call (as to amounts and time periods) than a science. If you're at half of what you're taking already on Day 4, it sounds like you're taking the fast weening path.

As for who I told - Only my wife. That wasn't pretty, but I felt I had to come clean to someone. The truth is that I did id for selfish reasons - I think I needed someone to feel more accountable to. Whatever the case, now that she knows and now that I hurt her - I can't go back to the pills and I won't. I didn't tell anyone else for the same reasons that you mentioned in your post.

As for groups - I think that they're a great thing and I'm sure they help alot of people. Again - I know me and just chose to go the route I'm going here without the help of a group. I'm probably in the minority, and I'm sure that the group deal helps alot of people. To tell you the truth - These forums have been my groups. And not just here on Drugs.com - But there are tons of others. I just kept googling different things and found countless forums. I must have read thousands of posts - You'd be surprised to know how many people are in the same exact shoes as you are. And the cool thing is - Everyone wants to help you. And the more posts you read, the more you're going to want to accomplish what you're going after here b/c (a) you almost feel responsible to all of those "posters" out there; and (b) you're going to want to be one of the helpers going forward and to show people it can be done. I know that you want to do it for yourself and your family and all - But what if by getting through this you end up helping 1 other person who relates to your story and believes in themself b/c of you? For that reason alone - I'll never go back.

I forgot if you asked any other questions. It sounds to me like you're doing great. I know that it's not easy - But every second/minute/hour that goes by is a second/minute/hour you're getting past where you were and closer to where you will end up. As for your weening - Whatever your schedule is, make sure to keep going in the right direction. Don't take any steps backward by increasing your amounts at any point - Keep taking the same or less every day and you'll keep going in the right direction.

Keep the faith and keep up the good work, Nursemomwife - You will make it.

Peace, love & light from the great beyond.

[hazy101]

Hello,
I have been taking vicodin for about a year now and want to stop all together because I don't want to get any worse and have to deal with the horror stories that I have read/heard about. I usually take 2 10mg or 3 7.5mg vicodins a day. I also take 4 10 mg valium a day for an anxiety disorder.

I am trying to ween myself down over this next week and quit all together. What should I expect as far as withdraw? I am hoping to get through this pretty easily. I don't know what to expect because I know I take less than most from what I have read. I do have to work everyday except Sunday. I am trying to keep this private because my wife is preganant and I don't want to worry her. I will tell her once I am over it.(which is hopefully soon)

I want to do this now because I have a baby girl on the way that should be here in about a month.

B.T.W Does taking the valium help me with the withdrawl I should expect?

Thanks and God Bless all!

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by hazy101

Hello,
I have been taking vicodin for about a year now and want to stop all together because I don't want to get any worse and have to deal with the horror stories that I have read/heard about. I usually take 2 10mg or 3 7.5mg vicodins a day. I also take 4 10 mg valium a day for an anxiety disorder.

I am trying to ween myself down over this next week and quit all together. What should I expect as far as withdraw? I am hoping to get through this pretty easily. I don't know what to expect because I know I take less than most from what I have read. I do have to work everyday except Sunday. I am trying to keep this private because my wife is preganant and I don't want to worry her. I will tell her once I am over it.(which is hopefully soon)

I want to do this now because I have a baby girl on the way that should be here in about a month.

B.T.W Does taking the valium help me with the withdrawl I should expect?

Thanks and God Bless all!

Congratulations on baby. That is very good motivation for you to succeed at this. You will most likely experience a really crummy week. Taking hydros for a year even a minimal dose like yours can cause w/d symptoms. Some people compare this to bad flu-like symptoms, I personally don't think that the flu is as bad, but that was my experience anyway. Taking the valium can help ease some of the pain of w/d. No reason to go crazy on the valium though. It won't stop the w/ds and I hate to suggest to anyone that they take more valium. Just post as to what is going on with your w/d symptoms and people are always here that will give you some suggestions. Good luck and God bless.

[nursemomwife]

zanveto, thanks again for your reply. I have decided for now to forgo any sort of therapy. I too have found unmeasurable support reading all the forums(and I mean I have read them all)I am a nurturer of course being a nurse and mother but your right, if this horrid experience helps even one person other than me,if I ever get to print my success story,I then may think it was all worth it.For now my legs are beginning to ache quite a bit and i suffer from RLS already. Part of the reason for the darvocet. I will get a script for requip tomorrow which if specific for RLS.I'm not going for valium or zanax yet, really don't plan to.I would like to get those vitamins you spoke of. T-something and B6.Melatonin is good for sleep and i can get ambien. Sleep is a long time problem for me already so this is definitely going to be my biggest problem.I am not going to lower my dose today. Going to take my final 4 in a while which leaves me equal to yesterday. Legs are too bad and having a bit of trouble w the hubby. He doesn't understand my need to talk to a complete stranger over confiding in him. I couldn't stand the look of shock he'd have in hearing what my daily intake is or was.4 aday was alot to him.Anyway I will just take it a day at a time and pray he will come around to understand I have to do it my way.I hope you respond again. U know the importance of this correspondence. I tried to explain to him that I just really needed to talk to someone that REALLY nows what i am going thru and not just someone supportive. That in itself is being supportive. I know this is hard for him but for once it has to be all about me. Anyone that knows me does not think I have it in me not to put my family first.But this is also for my family,marriage,health and well being of us all.Doing my best and I hope to hear from u soon. Stay well!

[hazy101]

Originally Posted by Robert_325

Congratulations on baby. That is very good motivation for you to succeed at this. You will most likely experience a really crummy week. Taking hydros for a year even a minimal dose like yours can cause w/d symptoms. Some people compare this to bad flu-like symptoms, I personally don't think that the flu is as bad, but that was my experience anyway. Taking the valium can help ease some of the pain of w/d. No reason to go crazy on the valium though. It won't stop the w/ds and I hate to suggest to anyone that they take more valium. Just post as to what is going on with your w/d symptoms and people are always here that will give you some suggestions. Good luck and God bless.

Thanks for the reply. I am hoping to get away from these things before it becomes a problem....well, a big problem I mean! I know a big difference from when I used to just take them hear and there when they were available. dentist, back pains, etc... and for the last year I have had someone at my work who gets them prescribed to him every month and he started offering some of them to me. This started out as once a day in the morning before work and I was ready to get things done!
I slowly became more dependent upon them as I knew they made me feel better and seem to give be the "boost" I needed to get just about anything done. Now, I always make sure I have enough around so I do not have to go without them. I started taking 2 Vicodin ES a day. 1 in the AM, and then 1 when I got off of work and then was ready to do work at home too.
Now, I can find a reason to take 2 to 3 Loratab 10 mg a day. I need to try and stop now before it gets worse but am afraid of the loss of energy, and the withdraws, and how it will effect my job and my life at home with my family! It can only get worse if I keep taking them. I may be at a point where the mental & physical pain will much easier to deal with than if I keep taking them. I am just scared about if I can do this without my wife and 6 year old daughter knowing and seeing me suffer through any kind of withdraw.
I appreciate your responding to me as I will probably need your help! Thanks again for your time and reassurance. I will repost as to how I feel soon.
God Bless!

[ZenVato]

Hello, peeps - Hope everyone's feeling as good as possible tonight.

Nursemomwife - Take some 5-RTP for your RLS - You can get them at any health food store. They'll help w/ the restlessness, too. They're natural and won't hurt you at all. Do whatever kind of stretching you can, too - It'll help.

As for the inability to sleep - Welcome to my life. I've been an insomniac forever, and this whole thing certainly doesn't help. The only advice I can give is sleep when you can, but don't force it when you can't. Stay up and read some books you've been wanting to read. Take advantage of the fact that you can't sleep, as opposed to forcing something and going against the grain. What I've found is that the not sleeping doesn't make me any more tired the next day. It's almost as though I just need alot less sleep now. So instead of forcing myself to fall asleep and laying there all night and fighting - I just stay up and only close my eyes when my body tells me to.

As for your hub - I can understand. If I didn't know any better, then maybe I'd be saying that to my wife if she were the one with the problem. I'm not sure. What I do know is that people who aren't in our shoes just don't understand. So I wouldn't say it's his fault for reacting the way he is - He's probably just feeling helpless that he can't help you more (which is how I might feel in his position). Maybe you can get him to read the posts with you? I don't know how you'd feel about that? But maybe that would help? Whatever the case - You need to take care of you. And as soon as you're taken care of, then you'll be a better friend/wife to him. Sit down, look him in the eye and ask him from the bottom of your heart to just trust you - Who can say no to that? I told my wife, and I think she feels the same way as your hub. I just try to tell her as much as possible, let her know how much it helps to have her there and to make sure she knows that in her way she's helping.

Hazy - Tell your wife if you can. It'll make you feel better. It's hard enough trying to beat this without trying to beat this while also having to lie about it on that constant a basis. You don't need to tell everyone - But telling at least 1 person (especially your spouse) would probably help. In addition, you'll now feel more accountable and have less of the inclination to go back to the pills once she knows. The worst withdrawl symptoms last a week - Just tell people you've got the flu, and that should buy you the time you need to get through them.

Hang in there, kids - The water's alot nicer on the other side of the trip you're taking. You'll get there, feel empowered and will embrace the new you you've become. Keep going & keep the faith!

[aboutit]

ZenVato,

Thanks for taking the time to submit such an excellent reply--I appreciate the information and your concern. Yesterday was day 14 for me and I actually felt quite a bit better, enough so that I could actually go on a treadmill and run intermittently--it actually felt pretty good. Unfortunately today I regressed quite a bit--I feel absolutely lousy today! I know this whole process is like a diminishing sine wave, peaks and valleys, but it is so darn frustrating! Like you stated, it is going to get slowly better. I am somewhat surprised as to the intensity of this whole withdrawal, the reason being is that in the past I used to party with opioids for like a week or maybe a couple of weeks and I would then go through about 5 days of feeling really ********************py, but then I would suddenly feel absolutely better. I know this prolonged experience of withdrawal is different than the short little party episodes I had in the past because I abused Vicodin for a year straight this time. I know I can not expect to feel 100% better in a short time, but I thought it would be much better after 15 days--it just goes to show that a year straight on opioids really taxes the body physiologically. I know I just need to be patient, and I will because like I stated in my previous message I will NEVER go through this hellacious experience again--I just want to feel better both physically and mentally (the depression from my body's diminished production of dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin really sucks, but I know it will get better).

Nursemomwife,

Hang in there! As you know from your profession and reading these posts you are going to go through an extremely tough and taxing experience. I too am in the medical field, and I do be believe that we have an advantage over some people considering we know exactly what is going on physiologically with our bodies. I have been through hell these last two weeks, but I have been able to live through it or tolerate it because I know that my central nervous system is retaliating because of the lack of opioids. I know it will get better, but that does not mean this whole experience has sucked so bad that I truly will never abuse opioids again. Just be patient, I feel 100% better than I did the first week (I could not even get off the couch or talk to people on the phone, I sat there with a pillow clutched in my arms rocking back and forth, and I am not exaggerating--I probably should not have done cold turkey in retrospect). Granted, as I stated earlier I am still not nearly myself after 15 days, but I am slowly getting better, and you will too!

Thanks everyone for your input, it helps tremendously to read other people's stories to realize that I am going through what everyone does/has--more or less.

[nursemomwife]

zenvato-I have already offered to let my husband read the site.I think I will ask again. Maybe reading it would be a benefit 2 us both so I won't have to see the disappointment in his face when he realizes how deep I'm in.Maybe then I would be able to open up to him.I don't receive help from others well. I'm the fixer.It goes back to the "perfectionist" problem.(which is controlled so well with the pills)I obviously have other issues that will need attention after this.
As for the legs,the way they feel right now nothing all natural would touch them.I can't even think of going to bed anytime soon.It's gonna be a marathon night for me.As I've said, I'm no stranger to RLS. Have taken the prescription meds before. Of course I've had my own treatment for that and has worked pretty well until now. Thanks again for your support.So far I have continued with my tapering scheduled. I have not taken my remaining pills for the night but of coarse it is only 10:30 pm.
abouit-I was very glad to hear from you.Don't underestimate the hold of those little suckers. 1 yr is 365 days in a row!!Try to take away someones evening cocktails as few as they may be and their gonna know it.What do you think a couple prescription strength,mind altering,opiates gonna do.People from same day surgery are gonna get a couple pills afterwards..If they can take away that kind of pain,the pain that having a moler removed gives you,then I think they can do quite a number on your receptors after 365 days.Hang in their.Sounds like you have it in you. Gotta admit, if we can survive working the healthcare profession in this day then who are we to let a couple of those little suckers beat us!Not happening over here.(that's what i keep telling myself) Hear from you soon
Stay well all

[nursemomwife]

Well all, doing better and worse.WD's are really kicking in. My legs are killing me. No sleep until about 6 am this morning when my husband got home from work. I had to break down and take some but were actually yesterdays dose. So i am very much on schedule.Of course I took Zenveto's idea and told work if I didn't know better i thought I was getting the flu. I have no energy at all. Weak even,diarrhea,stomach aches and starting with a runny nose. All this has started in about the last 24 hrs.Having halfed my dosage in 4 days and maintaining that(at least for now) has really ticked my body off.Even as bad as I feel I have not caved(again I say not yet).Just as this time yesterday I have 4 left for today. I thought I felt bad typing this yesterday.I am having to back space on every word today. Tomorrow I will probably type like a first grader. ha-ha
As for the hubby,I think we may have made a break thru.Alos he sees my condition decliniing so I thibk he sees my progression in the right directon. Until now I son't think he was sure I was serious cause of course I really don't care to discuss much. I am getting a little better everyday.I mean I never tought in my wildest dreams that I would be postin on line my most intermost secret of my life.But actually, thank God I found it. It's so strange how pouring this out is such a relief.Reading all this post can makesuch a positive reaction with me.
Aboutit-hope your're still doing well.I was thinking about you today(your hugging the pillow and rocking)I don't feel far from that myself.In fact, planning on it tomorrow or saturday. My husband has already told me to stay home tomorrow.By the way, do you have someone you have confided in at home? I think I just might have undersetimated my husband. He may surprise me.this will also depend on how much help I will allow him to be.I sure you have a bit of the "Miss Fix-it" syndrone being a care taker too. Hope to hear from u soon.
Stay well!
Zenvato-you are my inspiration. And I WILL be posting my success story for some other newcomer one day. Did you go thru WD's as along as a month as abouit has? You both did CT. I pray my tapering may not linger as long as that. .
By the way,I suggested he read the post's again.I told him how much it is helping me and I think he is OK. I cried, we hugged and he told me is is proud of me. I knew I maried him for a reason ha-ha. Our twenty year anniversary is in 2 months. I plan on having something else for us to celebrate.Hope you can respond today.
Stay well !!

[nursemomwife]

Well all, doing better and worse.WD's are really kicking in. My legs are killing me. No sleep until about 6 am this morning when my husband got home from work. I had to break down and take some but were actually yesterdays dose. So i am very much on schedule.Of course I took Zenveto's idea and told work if I didn't know better i thought I was getting the flu. I have no energy at all. Weak even,diarrhea,stomach aches and starting with a runny nose. All this has started in about the last 24 hrs.Having halfed my dosage in 4 days and maintaining that(at least for now) has really ticked my body off.Even as bad as I feel I have not caved(again I say not yet).Just as this time yesterday I have 4 left for today. I thought I felt bad typing this yesterday.I am having to back space on every word today. Tomorrow I will probably type like a first grader. ha-ha
As for the hubby,I think we may have made a break thru.Alos he sees my condition decliniing so I thibk he sees my progression in the right directon. Until now I son't think he was sure I was serious cause of course I really don't care to discuss much. I am getting a little better everyday.I mean I never tought in my wildest dreams that I would be postin on line my most intermost secret of my life.But actually, thank God I found it. It's so strange how pouring this out is such a relief.Reading all this post can makesuch a positive reaction with me.
Aboutit-hope your're still doing well.I was thinking about you today(your hugging the pillow and rocking)I don't feel far from that myself.In fact, planning on it tomorrow or saturday. My husband has already told me to stay home tomorrow.By the way, do you have someone you have confided in at home? I think I just might have undersetimated my husband. He may surprise me.this will also depend on how much help I will allow him to be.I sure you have a bit of the "Miss Fix-it" syndrone being a care taker too. Hope to hear from u soon.
Stay well!
Zenvato-you are my inspiration. And I WILL be posting my success story for some other newcomer one day. Did you go thru WD's as along as a month as abouit has? You both did CT. I pray my tapering may not linger as long as that. I hope you respond today.
stay well!

[ZenVato]

Buenas noches, Nusemomwife - Good to hear from you and very happy to hear about the breakthrough w/ your hub. As for the w/d symptoms you're going through - 100% normal, and what everyone else went through. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but what you're dealing with is the exact same thing that everyone else has to go through to get off the stuff. I'm only stressing this point so that you remember that while a number of folks cave and go back to the pills - Many who are dealing with exactly what you're dealing with right now take it all the way and conquer it. I don't know you personally, but from what I've seen - You've got alot of strength. I'm totally confident that you'll be one of the people who gets through this and looks back at your accomplishment w/ pride & at your future w/ enthusiasm.

Like yourself, i'm the person who's always taken care of everyone. Time to take care of ourselves a little bit - That's allowed, right? Hey - We are who we are, and will always be the caregivers. Look at it this way - You'll be able to get right back to that and even do a much better job once you've taken care of yourself. The whole drwoning person can't save a drowning person cliche - Right?

OK - Here's the doozy. If you cave, you will, at some point, have to go through all of this again. And it will be harder. I've been there and know others who have - The physical w/d symptoms to get more difficult each time. So - Rode the momentum you're building up and make this the time you quit. Next doozy. I'm no doctor (but I do play one on TV - joke), but based on my knowledge of the amounts you've been taking - You can go cold turkey and handle it. It sounds to me like you're dealing w/ the cold turkey symptoms now, anyway - May as well attack this fill-steam now that you've shared w/ your hub and have the folks at work giving you some time to "get over your flu". The symptoms may step up a bit - But they'll be over alot more quickly. I've seen people take forever to take off a Band Aid - Ouch! I rip those bad boys right off - Hurts a bit more, but is over ALOT more quickly. If you decide to keep weening - Then I'm sure you'll still be fine. I don't want to make it sound like I know everything - Far from it - In fact, the older I get, the less I realize I do know. And I don't want to tell people how to do things - Folks just love that, huh? I'm just telling what's worked for me. I'm a pretty extreme person (aren't we all on this forum?), and I tend to pedal to the metal it with no Plan B w/ everything I do. From a medical standpoint, the weening seems to be necessary (based on what I've read here in this forum) for folks who have the very heavy and very long-term habits - I've heard that if they just go cold-turkey, that it can have some pretty heavy consequences. I'm very confident that you don't fall into this category - So the cold turkey option is there for you. The fact that you've weened to now will help alot - But you're halfway into the cold pool and it's time to just jump in. It won't be easy - But you'll be over the worst w/d symptoms in a week. After that, you're not in the clear yet - But you'll let go of the pillow, stop rocking and start feeling better.

Keep going - You can do it!

[ZenVato]

And Aboutit - Congrats on getting to Day 14! You sound like you're all over this, and I know you'll come through w/ flying colors!

For those of you who think that Day 14 sounds like a long way off - Just keep setting small goals for yourself - 4 hours, 12 hours, 1 Day, 30 hours, 40 hours, etc etc - It's much easier that way, and these small increments will add up. And I stress and I stress and I stress - IT WILL GET EASIER. At some point, you will need to deal w/ the w/d symptoms - But once you've decided to, then every second/minute/hour/day that goes by for you off the pills will be a second/minute/hour/day that you won't have to deal with ever again (as long as you stick to the plan) and will be a second/minute/hour/day towards a healthier & happier you. It's not easy - But it's doable - And it ends.

BTW, peeps - I'm not some guy who got over all of this years ago and am on top of my soap box at the moment - I'm a guy who took close to 200mg of Oxy per day for 7 years and is on Day 19 of going cold turkey. Am I 100% in the clear? No way, Jose. Am I feeling twice as good as I was after Day 9? Absolutely. Am I feeling 5-10 times better than I was feeling Week 1? You know it. Again - It gets easier - Just stay the path - You will get to where it is you want to be. Change the association you have w/ the pills. Instead of picturing them as the thing that will make the w/d symptoms go away - Know that they're actually the thing that put you in the position you're currently in and will continue to do so until you conquer them.

Be strong & keep the faith, people! You can do it!

[nursemomwife]

Zenvato-You r so right.The pills got me in this hell and they are not what's going to free me from it.Feeling a little bit better than earlier.My friend came over and brought me some samples of Mirapax(RLS med) and massaged my calves real good. Also took another hot soak. Still haven't taken any more pills(yet)I sure hope the mirapax works. Also began tx. on the stomach/bowel problem.
Not as confident as u with diving in.Honestly, I don't swim so well ha-ha.I think I'm gonna go lay in bed since I have had only had 3-4 hrs of sleep. Also my legs may allow it right now.(and I won't take anything else) Thank you,Thank you for all your positive reinforcements.
P.S. don't down play your accomplishemnt of 17 days.ur poison of choice was stronger than mine.If u can believe ,one of my many justifications I told myself was that I could have gotten anything I wanted and chose darvocet cause that one's not too bad. Yea right!! Given enough of anything for 10 years can do plenty of damage. Don't get me wrong,I have taken others but day to day was the "not so bad" one.I can't wait to get where u r right now.U appear so very strong. Hpw did u ever lick this once and go back? I'm gonna tell my hub to just put my butt away!
thanks again and stay well!

[ZenVato]

Hey, NMW (NurseMomWife) - Good question on asking why I went back after kicking it the first time. The reason was that I quit figuring that once I licked it, that I could go back and pick my spots and take the pills here & there whenever I wanted without becoming day to day addicted again. I never claimed I was the smartest guy out there - And was certainly proven to be right. I almost immediately fell right back in to my normal amounts and taking them every day. Once I realized the score, I had to re-pump myself up to go through it all again - Remembering how difficult it was the first time. The difference was that I went into it this time knowing 100% that I have a problem and that I can NEVER go back to taking these little blue things.

And for the record - Even though it hasn't been that long since quitting the first time, it's even harder this time. So learn from my mistake, peeps - Quit knowing that it has to be forever - Don't quit with the thought that once you do you can pick your spots going forward b/c that won't happen. I'm suffering for you all, puppies! Learn from my immensely erroneous judgement and quit once and for all when you do quit. As my boy Forrest says, "That's all I have to say about that."

A quick reminder that hot baths & leg massages (as you've already figured out) will definitely help w/ the RLS - Stretching & 5-HTP will also help. You'll still have it - But it will get better & better. And while you're going through this rough time - Tap into it here & there and really remember what you're going through - It will remind you going forward never to go back.

As ********************py as you feel - Think positively as much as possible. This will all end sooner than you think it will right now - So keep that in mind, and know in your heart that you are doing something wonderful for that magical vehicle of yours that's taken you through your whole life (and will continue to do so) - Your bod. And know that what you're doing is going to make your body so much healthier & more efficient going forward. Don't you owe it at least that after all that it's done for you?

Believe in yourself, be strong & keep the faith!

[money_chick]

I hate making these long drawn out posts, but I think it may help you. aand I hope it stops you from making my mistake.

I started taking darvocet in 98 on a daily basis. It was easy to get and I was told non addictive. I took it four times a day like prescribed for a year before feeling like more would be better. I doubled, then tripled the dose.

Within two years, I couldnt go anywhere without pills in my purse. Quick run to the store? Take somme pills, and throw a few extra in my bag. Vacation? Well, I better get another script so I have plenty. Still, didn't know it was an addiction.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I stopped working out. I stopped watching what I ate. I took pills all day and food would make them not work...... I was becoming bloated and tired and looking like hell. I went from being a beautiful, healthy vibrant young woman to a bloated mess who looks at least 5 years older than I am.

Of course, darvocet wont satisfy you forever. It just won't. By 00, I was playingwith lortab, which would become my DOC in years to come. It was easier to get than the other stuff I played with. Roxicet, Oxycodone, Demerol, etc.

I even scored fentynal a few times.

Fast forward to this year. I can't get out of bed without pills. I've gained 60 pounds and lost all my non drug friends. My kids don't know wtf is wrong with me. My house is trashed. I have less money than ever. I've lost my own business, which was my lifelong dream.

Did darvocet take that from me? Yes, in a sense, it did.

I justified my use. The truith is, life is hard. I was HIDING. Just like you. And there comes a time that you have to realize a startling truth.

THE ONLY WAY AROUND HELL SOMETIMES, IS STRAIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE.

Flush the pills. Take the weekend and be sick. Hell, you've been sick before. Free yourself from this. This road has two endings and you choose which one you want.

One is a road of destruction, where children have no mothers and women are slaves to drugs.

Two is stopping.

Just stop.

[ZenVato]

Wow