[lb1071]

what the hell was that last post?
Lane

[lyds]

Originally Posted by Sammy22

Hi everyone. I have only posted a couple of times on here, but I have read a lot and your posts have really hit home. Some of what I have read on here are just unbelievable stories and I am amazed at how strong many of you are. It has really helped me to read about people who are going through the same thing as me. I know I shouldn't compare, but I just feel that my addiction to pain killers (vicodin) is mush less than most on here. Still though, addiction is addiction and quitting is HARD. I have been taking 7.5 & 10mgs vicodin for about 7 months. I have always suffered from drug problems, but always managed to stop for a year or two.
Anyway, I will say this is a TOUGH one. I am a business owner and have finally managed to take a week off. My plan is to detox on my own. My average amount is about 7 a day (sometimes more, sometimes less). I went a little overboard yesterday because I figured I am stopping tomorrow (today) so "here goes". I did take 1/2 of a 10 this morning, but hopefully that's it. I feel like I sound ridiculous because I am doing this without help, but I just cannot go into a place right now. Been there, and it's just not possible right now. I know that my physical w/d will not be horrible, but it's the mental at this point. I do have xanax (which honestly, I do not like), but I figure they will help me with the anxiety. Even if I just sleep through the days, at least I am not using.
I guess I just need to write about everything. No one in my life knows I have this problem. I will lose everything if people find out. I need to do this. I am scared.
Thanks for listening.

Keep on posting whatever you like, whenever you like. I honestly helps to put everything down.

I know you're scared. I was scared, too. BUT, I did it. I will be praying for you!!

[ComingHome]

Lane, I thought I heard something about that song and how it relates to Plant's son. I know that effected him deeply for many years. That is probably in my top 5 Zep songs, and that says a lot since they have such a huge list of great songs.
Here's another one of my favs (mainly because of the Bontham's simple buy pounding bass):
"My, my la de la come on now it ain't too far,
Tell your friends all around the world,
Ain't no companion like a blue eyed merle.
Come on now well let me tell you,
What you're missing, missing, 'round them brick walls"

Sammy, you are correct that addiction is addiction. It progresses very subtly, and next thing you know, you are cutting Oxy. I know exactly where you are right now. I took vics and percs for years, and I always said I wouldn't do oxy. Then, my mind tricked me. Once I hit oxy, my addictions progressed rapidly, and if you want scary, stick around for that. I wouldn't recommend it. Anyway, I haven't touched OXY in over a year. My advice is to take action now while it is still early. The longer you let it go, the harder it is to quit.

Coming Home

[Sammy22]

Thanks so much, Lane.

Well, it is about 20 hours since my last pill. I knew the physical stuff would't be terrible, just leg pain. I took 1/2 xanax and a seroquel to sleep. It worked fine.
Like I said, it's the mental craving that I have to deal with.

Hey Binda.. I have just been reading your posts and my heart is with you. I can feel the pain in your posts, and I think the fact that you started sharing your feelings is the first step. I believe that once we begin talking about our addiction, the seed is planted. Before my bout with the vicodins, I was clean for about 2 years. Prior to that, I just did whatever was on the table (coke, dope, etc..). How I stopped all that..I have no idea, but I managed.
I know it's not easy. I caught myself with this one fairly early, but it's still so hard.
Please know there are a lot of people supporting you. It is..god, I don't know..it's just hard.
-samantha

(p.s...I do admit copying and pasting that URL into my browser )

[lb1071]

THe answer is........."Bron yr aur stomp"

Man, have I been taking ALOT of klonopin and xanax lately. I've been getting them for hardly nothing. I don't need THAT to turn into another problem. I have 15 more xanax coming today and I think that's the end. I passed out once from it.

But, on the good side, my Methadone usage has decreased a lot. I hope I don't end up in mini withdrawal. That happens when I cut my dose tooo short for too long.

Sammy, try looking into "KRATOM". I posted it last week sometime. IT's a plant/bush/tree/herb/something or another that can be made into a tea and it's been used in the far east for opium withdrawal. Apparently it works. Also, natural product KAVA KAVA works well for nervous tension. I just went through a bag of it that I ordered onlins at "bouncing bear botanicals". You make it into a tea and it helps calm your nerves.
And ANYONE in withdrawal/recovery should be taking a good mulltivitamin with essential amino acids. THey help.
And Benedryl can be used for sleep.
Well, I gotta run, to be at school at 9:30. Chemical Dependency class. Imagine that!

Hey COming Home:
THis Zeppelin song is one of only 4 or 5 songs is history that have made me cry due to the feeling and essence of the song. Guess what it is:

Then as it was, then again it will be
An' though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Blind stars of fortune, each have several rays
On the wings of maybe, down in birds of prey
Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn't have to grow
But as the eagle leaves the nest, it's got so far to go

[Sammy22]

Nope..no good.. My craving got the best of me. Oh my god.. this stuff is nuts. I had said in an earlier post that I am taking this week off. I NEVER have time off, and I finally was able to arrange a 4 day "vacation." I figured it would be the best time (obviously) to stop, but like we all know we can always find a reason to use. I guess mine is.. hey, it's my time off..

I am not going to give up, but I do not feel strong today at all. I used to be able to take a half of a pill and actually feel it. No more. Forget it.. I have no idea what I am going to do. What kills me is, most people on here are detoxing from so much more than I am. I give you guys so much credit. This is so hard.

[ComingHome]

LB, "Ten Years Gone." Great one!

Sammy, don't beat yourself up. Just concentrate on weaning and staying at no or little pills for whatever day you are having. Hang in there. Try meetings.

Try this one:
"Don't it make you feel bad
When you're tryin' to find your way home,
You don't know which way to go?
If you're goin' down South
They got no work to do,
If you don't know about Chicago"

Coming Home

[Sammy22]

What makes me so comfortable about writing on here is how non-judgemental so many of you are. I used to go on sites years ago where I would talk about my issues and I always felt very judged. I really appreciate this supportive forum.
I know that addiction progresses very quickly. I realize I am in a "good" spot right now to quit. It's doing it that's the hard part..

Thanks so much for listening..
-Samantha

[lb1071]

no offense samantha, but I thought you were a dude with the nickname sammy.
We don't criticize cause it would be just like directing the criticism back at ourselves.

Lane

Zeppelin Rules...

[Sammy22]

No offense taken..

Either way, this problem sucks..

[sky7228]

Well guys, I fell. I got through all the physical w/d's and started again anyway! I have been "only" been using 20mg-40mg a day of oxycontin and I have only been taking them late in the afternoon, I've been telling myself it was to help me finish my day...still making excuses for myself. I have been so mad at myself I didnt even want to tell everyone on here..SO, here I go AGAIN...tomorrow day 1 starts for me. I am hoping that since I have only been back on them for about a week and that my usage was less that it wont be so bad..what do you all think??? Do you think I will have to go through the 4 days of H*ll again? I agree with Lyds the mental is the hardest, I just love how much energy I have and how "happy" they make me feel. I feel like I can get everything done and enjoy doing it. I am starting to wonder if I can ever do it for good.

BINDA--- I know you are lurking, because I always do. I have noticed you havent posted in awhile, are you ok? Are you still going to your apt on the 27th?? Please post and let me know how you are. Sky

[lb1071]

Hang in there Sky, you wont fail. IT's a long process. I care.

Lane

[lyds]

Originally Posted by sky7228

Well guys, I fell. I got through all the physical w/d's and started again anyway! I have been "only" been using 20mg-40mg a day of oxycontin and I have only been taking them late in the afternoon, I've been telling myself it was to help me finish my day...still making excuses for myself. I have been so mad at myself I didnt even want to tell everyone on here..SO, here I go AGAIN...tomorrow day 1 starts for me. I am hoping that since I have only been back on them for about a week and that my usage was less that it wont be so bad..what do you all think??? Do you think I will have to go through the 4 days of H*ll again? I agree with Lyds the mental is the hardest, I just love how much energy I have and how "happy" they make me feel. I feel like I can get everything done and enjoy doing it. I am starting to wonder if I can ever do it for good.

BINDA--- I know you are lurking, because I always do. I have noticed you havent posted in awhile, are you ok? Are you still going to your apt on the 27th?? Please post and let me know how you are. Sky

Good golly miss molly, I wish I had a PENNY for every time I quit just to start using again. It happens. The best thing you can do for yourself is to NOT beat yourself up over it. If you can get back on the wagon, do it as soon as you can. You don't want to go through the awful part of physical withdrawals again. I don't think you'll have a tough time, using that little and only being on it for a week. Perhaps some mild withdrawals, but nothing full blown. That's always been my experience.

You are starting to wonder if you'll ever be able to do it, huh? Been there, too. Years and years of being there. But, here I am now. I firmly believe that if I can do it, anyone can. It's hard. It's doable, though. I am living proof! You'll get there when you're ready to get there. That's the easiest way to put it.

Binda, I've been wondering about you, too. Please let us know how you're doing!

[lyds]

Originally Posted by ComingHome

LB, "Ten Years Gone." Great one!

Sammy, don't beat yourself up. Just concentrate on weaning and staying at no or little pills for whatever day you are having. Hang in there. Try meetings.

Try this one:
"Don't it make you feel bad
When you're tryin' to find your way home,
You don't know which way to go?
If you're goin' down South
They got no work to do,
If you don't know about Chicago"

Coming Home

When the levee breaks, dahling.

[ComingHome]

Originally Posted by lyds

When the levee breaks, dahling.

Whooo Whoooo! Lyds, nice work! -) I like the consistant message you carry also. You are doing great work on here - probably doing a lot more good than you even realize. Keep it up.

Coming Home

[Sammy22]

Originally Posted by sky7228

Well guys, I fell. I've been telling myself it was to help me finish my day...still making excuses for myself. I have been so mad at myself I didnt even want to tell everyone on here..SO, here I go AGAIN...tomorrow day 1 starts for me.

Wow, can I relate.. There is always an excuse. I am with you Sky. I will say that it's very good to share it on here, because I find, when I don't tell anyone at all, it just allows me to use even more. Telling someone is the best thing, even if it's just writing on the forum. For me, this is the only place that knows about my addiction.

[Sweet Skeet]

I can relate so well. I was addicted to hydrocodone for well over 10 yrs. I tried so many times to come off that drug by myself without any help. I was not able to do so. It is very difficult for anyone to come off of that particular drug without some kind of professional help. I tried for over 5 yrs to come off hydrocodone, unsuccessfully. There are not too many ppl who can do so. Also there was not anything anyone could do for me while trying to come off that drug. Nothing helped the withdrawals and I could not get out of the misery I was in.
Eventually, the only way I got off of hydrocodone was to go onto methadone. I have been in a methadone treatment program for 3 1/2 yrs now. It saved my life. I can now function and live a normal life whereas when on hydrocodone I had NO life at all. I have been clean from hydrocodone for 3 1/2 yrs. I think, in my opinion, that your friend will have to seek some help in order to get completely off the hydrocodone. Good luck and I hope you don't have to suffer too much before becoming clean from it. God Bless....

[Sweet Skeet]

Hi Lyds,
I had to comment on your posting. I just wanted to say congrats on getting a hold on the hydrocodone. However, I just want to warn you to be careful about taking the benzodiazepines (Xanax) because they are dangerous to come off of, especially by yourself. I went into rehab to come off hydrocodone and benzos and it was the most hellish thing I ever did. But coming off the benzos was harder and caused alot more suffering than the hydrocodone did. I saw hallucinations on the walls, vomited, felt terrible anxiety, could not sleep, had tremors, etc. It was really terrible! I don't know how long or how much of the benzos you have been taking but you need to be careful to not become addicted to them. If you already are I suggest getting off of those as soon as possible. The longer you are on them the harder it is to get off of them. Just trying to help. I wouldn't want to go through the hell I went through coming off those benzos for anything in the world again! Good luck!

[ComingHome]

Sweet Skeet, great to hear that methadone is working out better for you than pill chasing. I think your point about the low success rate of those trying to quit pretty much stands true for any addiction, not just one type of pill. Opiates are particularly tough to quit, IMO, as far as the mental part goes. I go to a lot of NA meetings and the success rate in general is probably below 5%. IT CAN BE DONE HOWEVER.

Anyway, for all you Zep fans, here's a little ditty for you. I always liked to play this part on my guitar and sing it:
"Sixteen, I fell in love with a girl as sweet as could be,
Only took a couple of days 'til she was rid of me.
She swore that she would be all mine and love me till the end,
But when I whispered in her ear, I lost another friend, oooh. "

Coming Home

[lyds]

Originally Posted by Sweet Skeet

Hi Lyds,
I had to comment on your posting. I just wanted to say congrats on getting a hold on the hydrocodone. However, I just want to warn you to be careful about taking the benzodiazepines (Xanax) because they are dangerous to come off of, especially by yourself. I went into rehab to come off hydrocodone and benzos and it was the most hellish thing I ever did. But coming off the benzos was harder and caused alot more suffering than the hydrocodone did. I saw hallucinations on the walls, vomited, felt terrible anxiety, could not sleep, had tremors, etc. It was really terrible! I don't know how long or how much of the benzos you have been taking but you need to be careful to not become addicted to them. If you already are I suggest getting off of those as soon as possible. The longer you are on them the harder it is to get off of them. Just trying to help. I wouldn't want to go through the hell I went through coming off those benzos for anything in the world again! Good luck!

Hi there. I think this post was meant for someone else. I have been clean since January and I don't take Xanax. Thanks for taking the time to post your experience, though. We all learn from each other daily.

Welcome!!

[ComingHome]

Geesh, I go out of town for a convention for a few days and no postings?

What's going on?

"Brother, I brought you some silver,
I brought a little gold, I brought a little of everything
To keep you from the ? ? "

Coming Home

[stephenw77]

Originally Posted by Doggy

I have a really good friend who is addicted to the pain killer Hydrocodone. Anyhow she wants to stop but everytime she does she gets really bad withdrawals such as sweating and shaking, can't sleep, etc. I was wondering if anyone out there has been through this on their own without going to a treatment center. If so please tell me what to do for her and how long it took for the withdrawals to go away!!!! HELP!!!!

You must be a really good friend, I feel the concern...I am not a doctor and your friend may be in serious trouble without proper medical attention.so make sure you watch her. I've been thru it several times..One of the least painful ways is to gradually reduce the dose...an addict cannot do this without somebody else holding the pill vial and administering smaller and smaller doses further and further apart for 2 to 4 wks if not for a few days if you cant get a hold of more pills. A fan and ice packs help with hot flashes and blankets and ibuprophen help too..keep her hydrated and fed and give her encouragement at every step..if its too rough get an addiction DR>

[stephenw77]

Originally Posted by lyds

Good golly miss molly, I wish I had a PENNY for every time I quit just to start using again. It happens. The best thing you can do for yourself is to NOT beat yourself up over it. If you can get back on the wagon, do it as soon as you can. You don't want to go through the awful part of physical withdrawals again. I don't think you'll have a tough time, using that little and only being on it for a week. Perhaps some mild withdrawals, but nothing full blown. That's always been my experience.

You are starting to wonder if you'll ever be able to do it, huh? Been there, too. Years and years of being there. But, here I am now. I firmly believe that if I can do it, anyone can. It's hard. It's doable, though. I am living proof! You'll get there when you're ready to get there. That's the easiest way to put it.

Binda, I've been wondering about you, too. Please let us know how you're doing!

Stephenw77 here-Oxycontin is particularly mean becuase it gave me a feeling of well being even if things were going bad I could look forward. The only problem is at the other end of the ride it had taken all my money and left me with a feeling of not so well being. And the depression, uhggg. But if you come out of it far enough to get back out of the illusion and see what is real, it had become my master not my slave so it is not a feel good substance its a fraud...My hat is off to anyone who has messed w/ oxycontin and has come back to tell the story..I barely made it..but their is hope!!!

[gauchoamigo]

Originally Posted by Robymac31

check your local area and see if you have a methadone clinic anywhere around, it will help with the withdrawls and also slowly get you off the Hydro.

May I say that going the methadone route is like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. Methadone is probably the worst, most difficult drug to stop using. It is the most addictive opioid by far and stays in your system an inordinate length of time. I was on a methadone programme for two and a half years when I could have stopped heroin in a (rather uncomfortable) ten days. In that time, I managed to reduce from 85ml/day to 65ml. Some help, eh? Forget methadone. It's ridiculous even to suggest it. Same with Suboxone. The most you would ever need for the drugs in question would be TEMGESIC which is the same drug, buprenorphine, but in 0.2mg strength. And you would need only around 5 days if the drugs of addiction involved were dextropropoxyphene or hydrocodone, both of which are actually not very strong at all. I suffer spondyloarthritis for which I am prescribed 80mg oxycodone, and hydrocodone (USA ONLY) was suggested to me for 'breakthrough' pain; so I managed to acquire some and found that an effective dose consisted of around 60mg. Which meant I was ingesting potentially life-threatening amounts of paracetamol. Hydrocodone itself isn't much stronger than dihydrocodeine, and really all you should need is four days in bed with a few codeine phosphate for when it gets a bit too much, and about 40mg diazepam or 24mg bromazepam, reduced by one tablet daily. Not a problem. Now OXYcodone is a different matter... as for Distalgesic (Darvon, Darvocet), that produces very few withdrawal symptoms at all. A week reducing from 90mg codeine phosphate (pure) per day and 18mg bromazepam/day and you'll be right as rain. We're talking quite weak painkillers here - and I was led to believe that hydrocodone was strong - it most certainly is NOT. What it is is dangerous, like the combination of dextropropoxyphene and paracetamol, which has been banned in UK because it was the cause of over 50% of all drug-related deaths. I am of the opinion that paracetamol (acetaminophen) should be Class A Schedule I, being the most dangerous painkiller I have ever come across.

[sick0fitall]

I don't know if I would bash suboxone, its helping me immensly. I posted a long time ago, had a really bad oxy habit and I was taking 120-180mg a day of it, I was out of money, friends, and was contemplating suicide.

I went to a doctor who put me on suboxone about 3 months ago. I started at 16mg a day and I am down to 4mg a day now. While the success rate may not be that great for suboxone, it did save my life because it gave me a chance to see what being sober (well, synthetically sober anyways) felt like. When I think about the time wasted on oxys for me it makes me sick, and I really feel like suboxone has helped me not just by cutting off withdrawl symptoms, but also giving me a taste of where I should be at in my life.. I'll never go back to oxy's again, and the funny thing is my "dealer" died of an overdose a week after I got put on suboxone. Funny how things work out. I would recommend suboxone to anyone who feels like they hit rock bottom like i did, pain killers can trick you into thinking there is no hope.

I'm not saying I am free and clear by any means, but I know I like the way I feel now a lot better than I felt when I was using, and I want to keep it that way, and I wouldn't think that if i'm able to work myself down to 1mg every other day on the suboxone, that the withdrawls could be anywhere near trying to quit 180mg of oxy a day, but I have heard that coming off of suboxone can be rough too. The only difference is, when you try to quit taking pain killers, you have no idea what it feels like to be normal and you almost don't believe it will exist again. With suboxone you get to feel normal and you know it will come back after you quit. In my opinion it will be psycologically easier to quit suboxone than pain killers for just that reason. Nothing will cure you without a ton of work and dedication, however. Anyways, good luck to everyone that is trying to quit, it's definately worth it to feel normal again.

I also want to note that the reason it was nearly impossible for me to cut down on oxy's because I could take them and get immediate gratification, suboxone does not make you feel anything, so you have no desire to take more and its easier to cut down. I've convinced myself that quitting cold turky is a bad idea for me, because I tried it so many times and failed.

[tweeter9999]

Hi everyone - I have been kind of reading over these messages a bit over the last few weeks. I have been taking painkillers for almost 2 years...anywhere from 3-8/day of 7.5 mg, which I know that this isn't as bad as some people but it still isn't easy to quit after this long. I took my last one on Friday morning and haven't had one since. Long story short I have been supporting myself & my brother (and his painkiller habit as well) and funds have really hit rock bottom. I have been reading about some of the symptoms of quitting but am still curious of how long these symptoms occur. I had quite a few breakdowns this weekend and luckily my girlfriend was around (which she has no idea about this and I hope to keep her out of it if at all possible). I have thought about calling my doctor but am a little unsure on what/if she can do anything. Any additional advice on things to do/not do and how long these symptoms will occur?

Thanks for your help.

[mpvt]

Usually by the 5th day you begin to notice a change.Each day after that you will notice a substancial change in the way you feel.Hang on your almost there......Dave

[lb1071]

Hey COming Home, you play guitar? SO do I. OF course not since I've been going thru Methadone wd.
IT SUCKS. I have 120 of the wafers sittng right next to me and I wont take any. I'm trying to get my addiction down to a decent level. I was using 400-500mg/day. I'd like to get down to 40 or 80mg.
I've been using alot of benzo ive been buying on the street. Course it's just gonna start another addiction if I'm not careful.
Even through I'm having some trouble with methadone right now, I still swear by it, gauchoamigo, it has saved my life.

Lane

Zep RULES

[ComingHome]

Hey Lane - Yeah, I've been playing guitar since I was a kid. I still like to pick up (at least) my acoustic every night. I think you made the right decision to cut down on the methadone. Yes, do be careful of substituting the benzo's, which can quickly become a big problem. We addicts are notorious for switching addictions!

Coming Home

[Need2bfree]

I read through this thread and it is amazing all the people who are going through the same thing that I am trying to get through. I have been addicted to hydrocodone for over 3 years now, and I have three pills left, and i just have to stop this madness. I have tried a few times before, and it is so rough that I find myself back into it again and again. I want to feel normal again and not have to rely on drugs to do just about anything. I don't want to worry about how many I have left, the lying and the fact that I lost a relationship with my adult daughter because of it. She found out that I was using and wont have anything to do with me. Its killing me. We were so close. I missed her getting married, she moved out of state and I feel so guilty. I have a teenage son at home and I dont want to screw that up to. I am a housewife looking for a job right now, and having no luck. I use drugs to cope with the ******************** in my life and then feel the guilt, and so on... Anyone else out there feel like this? Thanks for listening.