[lyds]

Originally Posted by ComingHome

Lyds, back in the hizzie. :-) Stick around - you have a lot to offer! Coming Home

For sizzle! (did I do that right??)

[lyds]

Originally Posted by lyds

For sizzle! (did I do that right??)

Ah, stinks. I bet that should be "for shizzle", huh? Am I showing my age? LOL

[butchy yost]

yeah man you got it...actually should be "fo shizzle, my nizzle" if you wanna get it really right

[lyds]

Originally Posted by butchy yost

yeah man you got it...actually should be "fo shizzle, my nizzle" if you wanna get it really right

Thanks for the schoolin'.

[lobennett]

Hey sky, Thank god there are others battling this illness- If you have a Dr. ask them to give you Methadone for a couple of days...NO HIGH from Methadone and no DT'S! They are so understanding if you have a good one. I know it sounds clique' but I say the serenity prayer over & over...Good Luck to you!

[sky7228]

Lyds & Binda-
So far no W/D today unless this horrible headache is one. So I guess the 40mg oxy didnt set me back, to much. Lyds I was so sick last night and I thought that maybe the pill had made me sick but now that I think about it I think that I made myself sick with disgust because I took it, know what I mean? Even though I dont want to take another, I do want to take another. Lyds, Do you still have cravings? How long did it take for you to feel good and get over the blahs after quiting?

Where did you go Lane??

[sky7228]

I think there are more people dealing with this problem than any of us realize. For me the hardest part is not being able to talk about it with people for fear of being seen differently. Thanks for the suggestion but I think my physical W/D's are over but I am thinking of asking my dr for something to help with my depression I am now dealing with. Everyone warned me of this feeling and now its here and its almost as hard as the physical part.

[lyds]

Originally Posted by sky7228

Lyds & Binda-
So far no W/D today unless this horrible headache is one. So I guess the 40mg oxy didnt set me back, to much. Lyds I was so sick last night and I thought that maybe the pill had made me sick but now that I think about it I think that I made myself sick with disgust because I took it, know what I mean? Even though I dont want to take another, I do want to take another. Lyds, Do you still have cravings? How long did it take for you to feel good and get over the blahs after quiting?

Where did you go Lane??

Yep, I bet you made yourself sick because you took it. That's exactly what I did to myself....Do I still have cravings? Sure I do. I won't lie to you about that. But, it's fleeting. It's usually during a stressful period and I will think about how it was when I was using. BUT, I get over that very, very quickly. It's not all the time, either. The cravings are easy to battle, also. Please remember that......It took me about 7 days to get over the worst of the withdrawals and, to be completely honest, it took me about a month (maybe a little longer) to get over the depression. For me, the depression was the worst of it. I know that it took my body that long to start producing it's own endorphins. Up until then, I had something else doing it for me.....As hard as it may be, try and exercise. That helped me a lot. When you exercise, you jumpstart your body into releasing endorphins. I know it sounds like an impossible task. If you're like I was, getting off the couch took effort! But, if you can make yourself do something, even a little walk, it will help.

Even though you don't want to take another, you do want to take another. I so get that. The fact that you realize this and won't take another is half the battle! Keep at it and post here as much as you can!

[binda]

Sky
Don't let this one incident cause you to slip backwards, you have come way to far. I've made the first step by I know this is going to be super hard for me. I'm praying that if I can just not have horrible withdrawal that I can hopefully handle the mental part. I'm very head strong but with this I had no starting point, I do now. The scariest part is me thinking I'm going to lose my mind. I definitely understand not being able to get off the couch. I can't take off work so I have to deal with this somehow.
Lane- Do all the physical symptoms go away? Feeling like you want to crawl out of your skin is awful, hot, cold, shaking, diarrhea like crazy, stomach cramps, heart beating fast. I never thought I would get this far into an addiction. I will definitely have to keep writing. This will be my support.

[sky7228]

Lyds- Thanks, I do plan on posting a lot to get through this...its great to be able to talk to someone who has already walked this path.

Binda- When do you plan on taking the jump? Its so hard at first, I kept counting the min. into hours. Day 2-3 were the worst for me. I had some soma's that I took that helped with the muscle pains and helped me sleep. I also had phenegran (not sure of spelling) and that helped with the throwing up and once again something else that helped me sleep. Oh and everyday I have taken a multi vitamin, which I think has helped.. I didnt eat anything but 2 pieces of toast for 3 days but orange gatorade tasted so good. I know you said you cant miss work so maybe you can start on a friday so you can have the weekend as day 2 & 3.. tell everyone you have a bad stomach bug and try to sleep as much as possible. I will pray for you because it is so hard but I am taking Lyds word for it that it is so worth it. Hopefully you and I will have lots of clean time under our belt soon..I know I am going to do it and I know you can to. Sky

[ComingHome]

Originally Posted by lyds

For sizzle! (did I do that right??)

Ha! Heck if I know. I'm just faking it myself Lyds. :-)

The mental part is far more difficult than the initial physical withdrawl. I once heard someone at a meeting say "recovery is not for the weak," and that line has stuck with me since then. I've seen some of the worst abusers get clean, so if they can do it, anyone can do it. It can't be done alone though. It requires help and support, such as this board. I've seen some get clean on this board, like Lyds and Chrish, but I've also seen many get 2 or 3 months and then just disappear. It takes dedication to recovery on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. My point is that it is not easy, but it can be done.

Yo, a little shout out to LB. Where are you? Did my last Zep lyric send you into next Tuesday? LOL

Coming Home

[RebeccaK]

I am finding it very hard to stop ordering lortabs from www.shadowrx.i8.com and i would like to tell him to stop selling them to me but i know it would make no difference. anything i try makes no difference. its like, eating the pills is the only tihng that makes it go away. it is all just so damn stressfull, i just wish i could snap my fingers and make it all go awway...

[binda]

Sky
I think I posted my plan on another thread. I actually have an appt with a addiction specialist to get put on suboxone. I absolutely know I can't quit cold turkey. This scares the mess out of me. I'm determined to get off the oxy's but they have me really tight and I'll need something to help with those withdrawals. I am up to 3 80mg pills a day. When I'm out I take the 15 mg rox's until I go back to the doctor. I actually have a appt with my pain doctor before my other appt on 9/27/07. I will go to that appt because I can't make it to 9/27 with nothing, won't work for me. I want that to be my last visit.

ReeccaK
If you can possibly get off the Lortabs now please do it. Don't wait any longer. I've never ordered anything on-line, I've always been scared I'd get busted. I started out with Lortab and now I'm a fullblown oxy addict. I wish I'd never taken the first pill. Let me know what you decide. Take care.
Stay with it Sky- I think you're stronger than me.

[butchy yost]

Rebecca,
quick question...why would you come on a site full of drug addicts trying to get clean and advertise a website where we can order drugs from???

I have been clean almost 6mos, and for half a second I thought about pasting that address into my browser!

If it was an honest mistake, don't sweat it...

[lb1071]

Hi all, how is everyone? Looks like this site is really getting active. I am really glad to see everybody contributing.

Good call Lyds on the "Hots on for Nowhere". I honestly didn't think anyone would get that one.
How about:

It was an April morning when they told us we should go
As I turn to you, you smiled at me
How could we say no?
With all the fun to have, to live the dreams we always had
Oh, the songs to sing, when we at last return again


I hope you guys don't mind the little ZEPPELIN lyrics game we got goin on. It kinda takes the pressure off of the seriousness of addiction. I know that it IS serious, but I'm just trying to put some easyness into it.

I really have to say congrats to all who are goin "cold turkey". I dread that day. I hope it never comes.
I went Sunday and Monday a.m. without taking anything. Then my friend owed me 5 oxy 40mg. which I took all in 25 minutes. My Methadone blood levels are soooooo high all of the time that nothing else seems to affect me. (Methadone will BLOCK other Opiates/Opioids from working) I suppose that is GOOD in a way cause if I were to get a buzz from the oxy, I would have started down THAT road again. I think I will just stick to my Methadone.

Man do I hate addiction. I really have to get a hold on things and quit playing around with stuff like oxy's cause I'm goin to school to be a drug/alcohol counselor. I wouldn't feel right trying to help others when I can't even help myself. Hopefully it was an isolated incident.

Hey you all, for those that don't mind, I was wondering where you all live? I am in Northwest Ohio, 1 mile south of Michigan and 13 miles east of Indiana in a little town called Pioneer.
I know that some people are worried about disclosing info such as this, so just give your state if your comfortable with that.......(LOL, I'm really not a sicko tracking people down)

peace, Lane

[binda]

Hi Lane
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you except I have'nt gone to the addiction specialist yet, first appt I could get is Sept 27th. I'm very freaked about letting go of my meds. I am going to try the suboxone tx. I absolutely CANNOT handle the physical w/drawal. As many oxy's as I've taken it is going to be hard enough even w/out physical symptoms. I live in Georgia. I know there are plenty of drug addicts here but i don't know anyone else trying to stop this madness but myself. Pretty much alone in my venture, except you guys.

[lb1071]

Binda--
Well, I'm here for ya, for what it's worth.
I have a friend that lives in "Dawsonville", Georgia.
Are you close?

Binda, an addiction specialist will most likely take you off of everything. It will be a wean-down but I'm sure that's what their goal will be.
I think with your habit that you should go to Methadone. I don't think the Suboxone is going to hold you. But then again, I'm not a professional, yet.
It just seems that your habit is closer on par with mine wheras the others that have written haven't seemed to progress as far yet.
I know they have methadone clinics in Georgia. I believe that is the state where the major methadone website comes from. But I may be mistaken.

But as far as being taken off of everything--I would be scared to death. I have legally been using very high levels of narcotics for 15 years and I dont' think I could function without them. I'm 39 now, so I started when I was 24 on Lorcet 10/650 to Percocet 5/325,10/650 to oxy 40's and to Methadone. I never went to the 80's cause I was abusing the 40's so bad, I told my doc. I wanted to go to Methadone. Thank God he understood and gives me high dose Methadone. He prescribes it for pain but I use it for both pain AND addiction. I get 7 of the 40mg. Methadone wafers daily.

I was no stranger to addiction however as I was a practicing alcoholic until 2 years ago. I always had alcohol to fall back on, but eventually that started killling me so I had to quit.(I once had a .55% BAC level !!!)

Lane

[sky7228]

Binda-
You are taking a lot more oxy's than I was, but I dont believe I am any stronger than you. If I had a dr still giving them to me I am sure I would have been a lot worse on them. The most I ever took in a day was 2 80mg and that was just a couple of times. I took 40mg in the morning and 40mg in the afternoon for a couple of years and then the last 6 months i got to 40 - 60 mg a day and the last week I was on them I took 20 -40 mg a day and then jumped. Considering how many years I have been dealing with this I guess I am lucky that I hadnt gotten any worse and got off now. The fact that you are doing what you have to do proves that you are a strong person!! Dont ever forget that..I know you can do it and I am willing to cheer you on until you do.

Lane-
I am in Kentucky. Ever been to the bluegrass state?? We love our basketball and horses!

[lb1071]

Yeah, I've been to Kentucky. Numerous times. In fact, in 1983 when I was 14, I ran away and got just past the Kentucky/Tennesee state line to Jacksboro, TN which is right off I-75. There were 6 of us kids all under 15 years old....we took one of the kid's mom's car and took I-75 out of Toledo, where I'm originally from.

I was really shocked last night when I took 5 oxy 40's and didn't feel a thing. I guess Methadone does it's job pretty good.
The only problem I have with Methadone is that I've gained a lot of weight on it. In fact, my doc is trying to get me to lose weight and I may switch to OPANA, which is oxymorphone, but I have to find if my insurance will cover it or not. Probably not cause it's brand new.

Lane

[lyds]

Originally Posted by sky7228

Lyds- Thanks, I do plan on posting a lot to get through this...its great to be able to talk to someone who has already walked this path.
I will pray for you because it is so hard but I am taking Lyds word for it that it is so worth it. Hopefully you and I will have lots of clean time under our belt soon..I know I am going to do it and I know you can to. Sky

Good deal! (taking my word for it) I PROMISE that you won't regret it.

[lyds]

Originally Posted by butchy yost

Rebecca,
quick question...why would you come on a site full of drug addicts trying to get clean and advertise a website where we can order drugs from???

I have been clean almost 6mos, and for half a second I thought about pasting that address into my browser!

If it was an honest mistake, don't sweat it...

Yeah, I am with you butchy. Just a tad odd that she would post that in this type of forum. Makes me scratch my head just a little....Seems to me she would have just made the statment without posting the link.

[binda]

Sky & Lane
I know I sound horrible to other people but I do have my limitations. The oxy's only last a week so the other 3 wks I take the lose dose 15mg roxicodone, still the same ingrediant I know but not half as strong. I do have the sensibility to know not to take too many. I don't drink, I won't mix it with anything. Does that mean I'm an addict or an abuser or is the even a difference. Does it sound like I'm making excuses for myself, I'm starting to second guess my decisions.

[lb1071]

Well, if youre hooked, youre hooked! Honestly, only you can say if you are an addict or not. If you are using a months supply in one week, then I would say that is drug abuse.
Lane

[binda]

Well I had a bout of crying on my way home just thinking about how pathetic I am. I can only pray that the road i have choosen works for me. I think someone stated that on the suboxone you don't have any physical w/drawal symptoms. If I'm starting to panic before I even get started is there truly help for me. I told my brother what my intentions are. He's the only one who knew I had a problem and even he didn't know how bad.

[FKidd]

Hi,
I am a new poster. I am on day 4 of withdrawal. I stayed home from work today because I didn't get any sleep last night. I hope the physical WD is almost over. I have nerve problems where I tense up but substances make me right. I got on painkillers while I was drinking a fifth and a half a week of tequila. It seemed onvce a week I just shut down with a major headache and fatigue. I was able to stop drinking a year ago Labor Day and just continued with the pills. If they were easier to get I think it wouldn't be so bad, but dealing with dopers and dealers is almost as bad as going through withdrawal. I would try and plan out my usage depending on when my dealer would say he could get his scripts and then the excuses would start for 3 -5 days. I have practiced wd a number of times (once a month it seems). Now I want to get off the merry-go-round but I have been buzzed since I was 13 and I am now 41.

[ComingHome]

Binda, I know it is tough, but try not to be so hard on yourself. You are not pathetic at all - you have a disease. Like all diseases, it starts getting better when you get treatment. That is true that only you can determine if you are an addict. When you go to determine that, just make sure you are honest with yourself. You mentioned one time that you felt like you could be honest with this board - Well, I can tell you from experience that the most important person to be honest with is yourself. Search within fearlessly. I have a feelling you are getting near your bottom. I am praying for you.

Coming Home

[butchy yost]

I posted this in another thread, but thought I should put it here too...

hey everyone...
just to let you know cost does not HAVE to be an issue as far as getting sub, for over a year I wanted to quit using but thought I couldnt afford sub, the only place I knew of was Columbia U(nyc), but it cost 1500.00 to get in their program plus meds(obviously I had no insurance).
then I went to a dr. i knew who referred me to an addiction specialist who agreed to cut me a break and ONLY charge me 500.00 for the initial visit. no go there either.
Finally I was referred to the substance abuse clinic at another major hospital in NY(dont want to name it, but it is famous for mental health patients, although it is a full service hosp.and one of the best I have been to), when I let them know I had no money they said NO PROBLEM!! I was seen for free and now get my sub scripts from the hospital pharmacy for 10.00!!! That lasts me about 2 1/2 mos. thats about $4 per month!!!
So if you really wanna stop using, look around, do some research, there is help, even if you have no $$$ or insurance.

[binda]

hi fkidd
I've been on this merry-go-round for alomost 20 years. I've worked my way up to the big leagues with oxycontin. Up to 3 80mg chewed up pills a day when I have them. The strange thing is if I have to go without them I can, I just can't go without anything. I definitely wait for the day I can get my refill. I have managed to my a appt with a addiction specialist but I'm scared out of my mind. Once I let the cat out of the bag if the suboxone doesn't work I will feel doomed. I'm praying that doesn't happen. It's very difficult to go thru w/drawal, trust me I know, I can't make it that many days so thats an accomplishment.

[binda]

1b1071
I've heard of dawsonville but I don't think its close to Macon. I'm going to pray that the sub works, i can't go to a methadone clinic for several reasons. I know I can do without the oxy's but not without something, perferably oxy's. When I quit smoking and I quit I ativan I never want either one of those again. I could smoke a cigarette and not start smoking. I won't be so lucky with the oxys. I'm determined, thats all I have going for other than this website. thanks

[lb1071]

Binda, you are starting to sound VERY DERPRESSED. Quit getting down on yourself. It's ANCIENT THINKING by believing you're a failure cause you have a drug problem. IT is A DIESEASE, hands down. The most prominant doctors in the entire world proclaim drug addiction as a diesease.
Coming Home agrees with me here, so it's 2 to 1, lol, you have to go with us!

You are not pathetic my dear. Continuing an addiction without regard for yourself or anyone else OR NOT ATTEMPTING to regulate or control your usage after negative circumstances have developed IS PATHETIC.--

YOU ARE NOT!!!

When you see the addiction doctor, make sure that you tell them that you INSIST upon being on Suboxone or Methadone. The Sub. may just work. I was having doubts about it, but if your use is 3 x 80mg./day for one week out of 4 in a month, then you use 15mg. Roxicodone for the rest of the 3 weeks, I think the Sub. will work. I was thinking more like you were doing the 80's EVERYDAY!!!! (have you ever seen a 160mg?)

IF worst comes to worst, why can you not go to a Methadone clinic? Are you worried about people finding out? Most major cities have multiple sites. The only problem is is that you have to go everyday, every morning to get your dose. They don't give you take-home privledges until 6 months or a year or something like that. That's where I'm kinda lucky--I get 200 wafers in one shot each month.

B.Yost--There are a lot of programs in the medical community aimed at people without insurance or ********************py coverage. Congrats on finding such a good deal for your concerns! With a little effort, it's amazing what deals you can find. Sometimes it takes a letter to the head of the departments that you are dealing with. IT can be DONE!!!!

ALSO: I have forgotten to mention this in my earlier posts, but there is a "supplement", or "herb" known as KRATOM. It is a tree/bush that is grown in the far east, mostly Thailand. It has a chemical in it, I cannot remember the name right now, mitryganine or something like that, that attaches itself to opiate MU receptors in the human body. MU receptors are the same ones that are associated with pleasure and the site where Endorphins lock onto.
ANYWAY, Thailand has outlawed this plant, but it can be purchase from many ethnobotany sites on the net. It has been used in the far east for opiate withdrawal for hundreds of years. I haven't read any reports on it being used for withdrawal, but I have read individual experiences about it's effects and apparently, it's like an "inbetween" effect of vicodin and percocet.
I am not disclosing this INFO as a means to get HIGH, but as another tool that can be used while in the clutches of withdrawal.

Fkidd-I also had a terrible alcohol habit for YEARS. I once ended up in the hospital with a .55 BAC! That's not a brag, just an example. I have pretty much shotdown the drinking in favor of Opiates. I just go sick of the long term, physical effects of alcohol. Besides, I can function on Opiates and not get busted for intoxication or the like. Alcohol has led to me being arrested about 11 times. I have never been arrested SOBER.
We can talk more about it later if you like.

WELL, sorry about the length of this post, I'll try to keep it shorter in the future.
COMING HOME AND LYDS: Where's my lyrics?

Peace, Lane