[lyds]

Never_me and Grimm: Welcome to this forum. I don't post as often as I did in the beginning. Not because the people here aren't the greatest, but because work & home have dictated otherwise! At any rate, congratulations on your decision to quit ! You have made the best decision you could ever make for yourselves. Be proud in that one simple fact! Keep at it. It gets better!!!

It was good to read your post, Kai! WAY TO GO!!!!

Hello to everyone here!

Blessings!

[Baby Steps]

Hey Lyds! How are you? It was awesome hearing from you... it has been a while but It sounds like you're doing great! Staying busy... I know that feeling... Did you ever get yourself a new washer? Take care and stay in touch... Have a good one... I just want summer sooo bad!!!

Enjoy your day...

[lyds]

Originally Posted by Baby Steps

Hey Lyds! How are you? It was awesome hearing from you... it has been a whioe but It sounds like you're doing great! Staying busy... I know that feeling... Did you ever get yourself a new washer? Take care and stay in touch... Have a good one... I just want summer sooo bad!!!

Enjoy your day...

Hey Baby Steps! I am doing pretty well, actually! Thanks for asking. I pray you're doing well, too.

My husband and I did get a new washer and I love it! It does everything but my taxes. (ha ha) Seriously, it's pretty nice. And because they're coming out with these front loading machines, the top load machines have dropped dramatically in price! Well, that was boring, but it's cool to think I can find pleasure in that tiny little thing.

We are having some serious spring like weather right now in my neck of the woods so come on down!! I actually like the winter months, though we don't have much of a winter in Alabama, but I guess I am ready for spring!

[lyds]

Oh, and Kai, has anyone ever told you that you bear a strong resemblance to Pee Wee Herman?

[Baby Steps]

OMGah... you had me laughing out loud!!! I wish I could get my washer to work sometimes let alone do my TAXES!!!! Hahaha... Which BTW is fast approaching... Argh!! Spring! That's not fair! LOL We are just now melting from that ice/snow storm and my bones are not at all happy with the cold!

Enjoy it girl... I'll just keep praying ours is here soon! LOL... I used to live in Biloxi years ago and can remember we used to open our pool in February so I know how nice the south weather is and so early in the year! I remember one year they got snow flurries and my friends all wanted to go out and take pictures and make a snow man! I thought it was so adorable!!!

And you are doing so great girl!!! You've come a long way from when you first came on! Great Job!!!

[Baby Steps]

Lyds... That was a good one!!! And yes, Kai... you could be his twin!!! LOL LOL You're funny Kai!

[lyds]

Thanks for the encouraging words, as always, Baby Steps. I have come a long way. It's wild to think that when I first started posting here that things looked so dark to me. I didn't think I'd ever be happy again......That's one of the biggest reasons I continue to at least post a little something. I want the people just beginning their journey to see how much better we all are compared to what we were when we started, you know?

I imagine the snow flurries in Biloxi shut the city down! I got so tickled when I first moved south from Ohio. Two inches of snow turned everyone into lunatics. Bread, milk, water, etc., gone from the shelves of grocery stores, gas stations had lines of cars waiting....... Funny stuff.

[Baby Steps]

Girl... Trust me ... it is very important for others (newbies and new starters) to see there is hope... always and your words resonate hope... Like our Coming Home... WHERE ARE YOU... I am concerned about you... and want to know if you're ok... please let us know....

OMGah Lyds isn't that the truth!!! It's so funny.... to see the circus when it snows past the south VA state line... I mean in NC/SC they only have like 1 snow plow per town/city because they just don't need it but OMGosh when they get snow they literally have to shut the interstate down cause they have no way to clean it. It's not their fault cause really... they don't need more than 1! LOL

I forgot you lived in OH first! What a difference huh!? (in weather) And the southern hospitality is so awesome... people are so nice and I love their accents!!!

Ok enough... Stay sweet and keep up the good work in giving our newbies and lurkers (isn't that how we all started) hope... a realistic hope!!! You Rock!!

[Never_me .]

Gawd it's got to be such a wonderful day today it's like sunny and about 70' just perfect. It seems funny but everything looks a little different now. There seems to texture to the trees and plants where before it just seemes to fade into the background... LOL!!! Maybe that is my life coming back to me...

I think back to a story about a person I know who is hooked on pain meds has been ever since I saw him ... He was a EMT when I first met him and he was coming off back surgery. He was also my sons youth wrestling coach and his habit was so obvious that everyone knew it... But everyone felt sorry for him and still does... During his back surgery recovery he awoke one morning walked out to his pool in the back yard and saw his only son floating face first in the water. He tried everything he could to bring him back but he could not. He found comfort in his pain meds and that was all that was important to him after the death of his son. As his world crumbled and marriage collapsed the only thing he clung to was his meds. He was a youth wrestling coach and his habit was obvious I remember one time we went to Atlanta to wrestle for the State Championship ... I think he must of been out of meds because I remember him breaking down in front of all us parents and begging us for a darvocet or any kind of pain killer claiming to have a headache. No one gave him anything and one of the people with us was a freind of mine who was also a doctor. She came off of nothing either and I know she has some on her... I swore that night that would never be me... I would never do that ... But yet I have allowed myself to fall into the same habit. But I'm happy I'm doing something about it before it gets to that point.
I don't even have as much heartache in my life at least not near as much as my friend must have endured... That had to be a miserable weekend for him.. But I know it was not the worst time in his life...

I still see him at the ball fields when I go there he is a umpire now. And you can tell when he has and he don't have one night he is happy then another he can barely stand and is very impatient... very grouchy and often unbearable... He has told me he has tried a couple time to OD but his brother is a Physical Therapist and has saved his life on more then one occassion...He has broke into peoples houses and auto's just to get the drugs.I hope that all of you will say a quiet prayer for him as one day when it is just me and him I hope to get around to talking to him... Because for the most part he has served as my motivation to quit this mess... And to do it now before it becomes far to late ... It is sad to see someone hurt so bad and only find comfort in something so bad for us... He don't even know how much he has helped me in my life and in this struggle but I plan to one day find a way to tell him.

Grimm where you at ? Hang in there I kind of look at it like you and I are in this together ... Hang tough...

[Baby Steps]

Never Me... Thank you for sharing that story with us. It is very painful to be on the outside looking in and feeling helpless in helping a friend out. However, like you said... once you are better and able to get with him on a one on one he will feel quite different when he realizes just how much he was able to do for you without even knowing. It's amazing how we change our thought process when we realize how much of an impact we have on someone... or when we realize we are the ones they are looking up to. You are quite a smart man!!!

Oh and you mentioned how nice it was outside... Where are you from? Here, it started out wet and cold with a lot of leftover mush from the ice/snow storms we got back to back but the day has ended pretty beautiful! The sky was so clear and blue and the sun was shining! Isn't it funny how the weather can effect our lives?

I also think it's great that you and Grimm have your time and circumstances so close together! It's so nice to have someone who you can run the race with. Me? I have NY, KAI, HL and I even believe Lyds are all in the race with me. Can I suggest that you put your clean date at the bottom on your signature to remind us when you celebrate your start so we can always have it as a reminder. That would be great! I know that after a while I started having to look at the calendar to remember mine so it helps to remind me of how far I've come as well as like Lyds and Kai ... you get the picture...

Keep up the good work and I hope you are able to enjoy this weekend!!!

[hatelove percs]

GRIMM: nah, nothins to out there for the forum! haha congrats to u on clean time brother, and NEVER ME isn't it true about surroundings seeming clearer? TAMM: buck up sister. i love ya. ya wanna chat on myspace instant messenger if ur feeling down? BABYSTEPS: drool drool over richie...slurp.SCARED:heehee terrible twos are great haha. my daughters' (the 20 yr old)friend has a two year old and she just found out she is preggers again. that poor kid does not sit down EVER. that little girl runs runs runs runs and kaitlyn has to chase chase chase. i think my dog has terrible twos. i am soooo glad for the warm weather b/c she is tied to my ankles. she has to be right where i am always. i am so glad to have the break of letting her stay in the back yard for awhile! to everyone else, ya know i love you!

[Baby Steps]

Hey HL! You sound GREAT and BTW CONGRATULATIONS GIRL ON YOUR 1 MONTH!!!!! WHOO HOO!!! I sent you an e-mail back so... go get it... I don't want to repeat myself here... LOL But I am SO SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!! Even with those terrible migraines you have managed to deal with the pain instead of grab those pills!!! That's a tough thing to do!!! AWESOME!!!! And Richie is such a hottie isn't he??? And sweet... How rare is that!?

OKay... I hope everyone was able to enjoy this great FRIDAY!!! I'm heading out for dinner... Talk to you guys later...

I think I may even celebrate all of our clean time!!! LOL

Luv Ya!!!

[Never_me .]

I live down here in Georgia pretty close to the Florida border... Yes I will edit signiature and place my clean date at the bottom of the page later on tonight...

thank you.

[hatelove percs]

i forgot to say congratulations to u on 51 days. what an accomplishment!! how are you feeling? how is your energy? mine is a bit better.

[Grimm]

Never_Me, thanks a lot for your story. That was real sad about the wrestling coach.. I am struggling right now... caved in again, but not as bad as the last time (the random dude's apartment).. I mean, any caving in is bad, but I just am not as strong as I thought I was... . I just don't know, I get so anxious and my ears start ringing so loud if Im off it for more than a day.. the cold sweats, the shivvering.. I didnt think I was in this deep... A friend gave me half a pill of suboxone so I may try that this weekend, but im so stressed with exams right now (2 exams this week)... I need to just pass them first, then try to focus on cleaning up...

[hatelove percs]

this is my gazzillionth time quitting. look at it this way. each time you do quit it pushes you closer to the final time. hmmmm...kind of like braxton hicks contractions when you are pregnant. course you are a guy so you may not know what those are!!! anyway, don't make excuses like the exams. just admit you caved. you have to be honest with yourself. let me say this, it takes a brave soul to admit to everyone that you did cave. i remember when i had to type those words to my friends on this board and it was difficult, but i had to do it, and it was a month before i could summon the strength to try again to quit. i pray to god this will be my last time, and seek his help in staying clean. if this was easy to do we would all have no need to be on here. keep on posting rather you are using or not because we love you any way. it was through the support of these kind people and the lord that i had what it took to try again, and now i am nearly at 1 month of sobriety!!!!

[Never_me .]

Well it takes a pretty strong person to admit that he caved maybe your stronger then you think . I don't know how many times I stopped and started I know a few times I was further along then I am now but had no idea what I was facing so I used again. Having found this board it allowed me through the people here to know what I was really up against what I had to do and how to do it and when the worst part was over. Before when I quit I never knew how long it was going to be when the WD's hit or when they would stop... These people here helped me with that now I know I have the worst part behind me. For myself I don't like it when I fail at something it only makes me more determined when I try again. Your going to school and doing exams and it is all for your future . You also know that deep down inside that the drugs and your future and your schooling will not mix. I know you will make the right choice and sooner or later you will find a way to put it aside.

I don't have a support group I go to this, It is my support group now and I need to come here to listen to all these people in their wisdom who have been were I am or further. I hope you continue to do so too. I think if we both continue to do so it will be a big step in our recovery. Because it allows us to see others have had the same problems as we have and overcame it. It will make us all see that we all mess up and no one is perfect. I hope you continue to come here and post there is always hope no matter how dark it seems. Hang here with me Grimm I need you to be here because like I said I kind of feel like you and I are in this together we both came here at the same time. And I know that when the time is right you will see what you have to do and do the right thing... You made the first step when you came here ... You made the second step when you were strong enough to come on here and post that you had a set back... That is pretty gutsy... step by step little by little that is how we both got to get there... It don't matter if we both cross the finish line at the same time as long as we both cross it and that finish line is a long way away for both of us... but it is getting closer because now we are on the right track where we can get help... I'm praying for you Grimm... I'm praying for everyone on this board... And I pray for myself and my son and family every night also... It all takes time ... Hang in there stay here with us...

[Baby Steps]

Never Me and Grimm... First let me say I had posted a very long post to you Grimm earlier and poof... it was gone... so I'll try and break it down into tiny clips... First, no matter how many times you cave... your intentions have changed ... you now have the desire to stop and you have gone out of your way to find a way to get through it which shows me and everyone else how serious you are about it... This goes for you as well Never Me...

In my post earlier I had mentioned finding the right time to Just Do It... In my case I was so determined back in Decemeber to do it... I didn't know much except that as I was in my 1st day of withdrawal and going through what seemed like an eternal hell I found this site and lurked and read and read and read... Every page I read! I needed it to learn what was happening wasn't going to last forever but I was not really prepared because I was in the throes of it when I found this awesome site... I had quit for 5 days and just caved! It was the holidays, work, family gatherings friend gatherings, company parties and so on... Pretty much the worst time to go through it so after I caved I realized I had to set a true realistic date and be prepared with time off work, all the over the counter meds for the various symptoms, melatonin for sleep etc... I made sure I didn't have ANY personal responsibilities so I could just shut down for 3 days and just get through it. I told everyone here when it was going to be and I think quite a few kept reminding me which made me accountable and that date was my clean date! It worked this time because I was realistic and prepared. What I find amazing here is that Never Me was right on with many of these things ... I am impressed!!! That shows infinite wisdom!!!

I guess what I'm saying is when you fell or fall your ready to get up and brush off and do it again but just this time... Get Prepared for it in every way... I mean... I even got gas the night before my day of c/t w/d because I had remembered the first time on day 4 I was able to function and go to work but I had very limited physical strength and had to get gas and it seemed like the handle weighed 5,000 lbs and it felt like it took forever... so I made sure I had a full tank... And believe it or not... the 2nd time wasn't near as bad as the first and it's because of what Never Me said...

Because I came here I had such awesome support and had done my research so I was ready.

Never Me and Grimm... I think you both are and will continue to make quite an impact here and I know you'll be a good support read for someone else thinking of quitting... For that I thank you both for taking that step to register and come in here!!! You both are gonna do great! Hey if we can all do it... so can you!!!

Never Me... Your words are quite impressive!!! There's nothing to add but much to take away in way of wisdom! Awesome!!!

Okay boys... g'night and Never... Thanks for putting your clean date... It's so nice to see it... Congratulations on your clean time!!!!

G'night and Love ya guys!!!

[Never_me .]

Unfortunatly, Wisdom comes with age so I guess at the age of 47 I've fallen on my face enough to know that I'm the only that can pick myself up... If I choose to stay down most would walk over or around me then I could never get back up...lol... Thanks for your kind words...

Where's everyone at ? Lord I can't sleep again tonight so I have decided to start painting the wood work in the house funny how everyone disapears when there is work to be done...

At least if I can't sleep I will feel a extra sense of accomplishment...

[sydbean]

WOW ~ So much going on. First of all I would like to commend Never-me on another day under your sobriety belt...lol....and I would also like to commend Grimm on his honesty. When in the throws of addiction honesty is one of the first things that gets thrown right out the window. So, don't think that you didn't accomplish something. You were honest about "using"...that is a step in the right direction. Eat time you try to do this and have a set back a new lesson can be taken from the experience if you choose to do so...and you did that. Your honesty is now something that you will have as a weapon when you are ready to try again. Please also listen to every word that Babysteps said because she had an experience much like yours and let me tell you she didn't even have to go to the "third times a charm" she did it on the second try because she planned it and committed to it and even if she was thinking of wavering she got all of us on board to hold her accountable and it worked!! I think it is also totally helpful to have a detox buddy like
Never-Me can be for you!!! Every little bit helps!!!


As long as I am talking to the boys I will say a good day snoogins and snooch to Tom and Kai how are you boys today?? First Tom hits the 60 day mark!!!! Now Kai has PASSED his all time best 50 day record…your in all new and beautiful clean time territory now Kai!!

H/L ~ I don't know how but somehow I didn't realize you were at a month already!! WOW!! You are rockin' it. You go girl. I am sorry I didn't give you a 30 day shout out earlier!! YOUR A ROCK STAR!!!!

Lyds ~ It was nice to see a post from you. It sounds like you have been busy...too bad you can't get that washer to do the taxes...LOL!!!

NYMOMMY ~ I was so glad to see you post. You are doing great. So how is the PAWS treating you. Do you feel like you are still dragging. You really are a great success story for the suboxone. It is harder to get off in many ways than almost any other opiate...at least from what I have studied. I was going to switch to that and that research is what lead me to find these forums as well as some others...I decided that I would rather just get off the Methadone and not trade that hell in for another different and some say harder to kick hell. Again though, I read your posts and you did it!!! I know it wasn't easy though....I keep going back and forth. Maybe when I get down low enough on M. for it to be an option I can decide then...Keep posting though. You give people a lot of hope where I fear there is not enough!!!

Cominghome ~ If you are lurking I just wanted to say Hello and please if you get a chance come on and post. No matter what we are here for you, okay!!!

Last but never least I must say HELLO SISTA!! To my soul sista Babysteps!!!!!! I will say only two words and you will know what they mean: GREAT MINDS...!!!!! HUGZ!!

Well, my goodness I have taken up just about too much space. Sorry for hoggin' the thread for my ramblings. At least I didn't slap ya with another Sydney Ditty...enough already...

Snoogins and snooch to all!! You are all in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Hugs!!!

[ComingHome]

Syd and Stepz: Thank you so much for thinking about me and asking about me. It means a lot to me. I haven't been lurking, just haven't had a chance to check in a few days. I am still doing really well. I am getting some clean days and other days with a very minimal amount. I feel like my spirituality and my connection with God is getting stronger. I really am in a good place for the most part, and I have been attending a lot of NA meetings. I will try to check in more often.

Have a great weekend!

ComingHome

[tamara02]

syd if you call that great minds,thats a new one to me,I know a few other words for that phrase"Great minds" and its not what you 2 think,I am ashamed of you 2 ,and you great minds know why???let it go ,nite-nite..Tammy,it is a free country and there is freedom of speech so go run to the man in charge and sweet talk him into erasing my post again,and lori ,you say you believe in god and all ,did you know that being Gay is a sin,and so is lying ,like you said yesterday I was a liar,I never lied to any of you ,ya'll just freak out when you dont have center stage on this entire forum,such a shame.you 2 like to think you know everything and can do or say no wrong, let it go......geezzz... hey I know,,,try being yourselves,,good luck..

[Kaidog]

Congratulations on the clean time. Good to see that you're standing strong....................... and reconnecting with God. My personal belief is that He is the ONLY way to really beat this thing permanently.

[Never_me .]

This board dies on the weekends ...Still going strong anyway..

[tamara02]

Kia and never me ,just wanted to say you guys are doing great ,,,,Kia,you got alot of willpower can I have some,lol,later Tammy,hey if you talk w/tom tell him I said Hi,OK!! coming home way to go !!!! stay sweet...

[Baby Steps]

Originally Posted by ComingHome

Syd and Stepz: Thank you so much for thinking about me and asking about me. It means a lot to me. I haven't been lurking, just haven't had a chance to check in a few days. I am still doing really well. I am getting some clean days and other days with a very minimal amount. I feel like my spirituality and my connection with God is getting stronger. I really am in a good place for the most part, and I have been attending a lot of NA meetings. I will try to check in more often.

Have a great weekend!

ComingHome

HEY YOU!!! I'm so happy to hear from you Coming Home!!! AND Whoo Hoo on your clean time young man!!! I am so so proud of you!!! Isn't it amazing how Good God is!! He is always right there for you when you need him most! No matter what we do he loves us anyway!!! This makes me so very happy Coming Home!!! I'm telling you... He plans on using you I'm sure of it...

I hope you are enjoying thizs day as much as I have!!! Absolutely PERFECT!!! The weather is beautiful and I have had such a blast! Keep it up sweetie and enjoy the rest of your weekend and pop in every now and then hust to let us know your doing ok... We missed you tons!!!

Stay strong my friend!!!

[Baby Steps]

Originally Posted by Kaidog

Congratulations on the clean time. Good to see that you're standing strong....................... and reconnecting with God. My personal belief is that He is the ONLY way to really beat this thing permanently.

lET ME START THIS BY SAYING HAPPY 51ST DAY TO YOU MY FRIEND!!!!! I am so proud of you too!!! But of course I told you this yesterday but since I'm home now I just have to say it again!! YOU ROCK!!! I hope you are having a great day too Kai!! Oh... and BTW... it was close to 70 here today so we're getting closer to spring! YIPPIE!!!!

Okay sweetie... enjoy your celebration as I am!!!!

Peace and God Bless you!!!

[Baby Steps]

Originally Posted by Never_me .

Unfortunatly, Wisdom comes with age so I guess at the age of 47 I've fallen on my face enough to know that I'm the only that can pick myself up... If I choose to stay down most would walk over or around me then I could never get back up...lol... Thanks for your kind words...

Where's everyone at ? Lord I can't sleep again tonight so I have decided to start painting the wood work in the house funny how everyone disapears when there is work to be done...

At least if I can't sleep I will feel a extra sense of accomplishment...

Hey Never... Just checking in on you today!!! How is it going today? I'm sure it's getting better! And BTW I LOVE South Georgia!!! Absolutely beautiful!!! I've always thought GA reminded me a lot of home when I was traveling and away from home for 10 years... Are you close to Savanah? CONGRATULATIONS on .another day!!! YOU ROCK with the rest of the boys!!! And hey don't talk about 47 being old... LOL I'm 46 going on 47 this year... LOL LOL But I feel like a kid most of the time!!! LOL

I have to run to din din with my cowboy but wanted to hit you guys up and tell you how very proud I am of you all!!!! I'll be back later...

Stay strong and I hope you're getting some sleep!! Talk to ya later...

[Baby Steps]

Hey HL I'll send ya an e-mail... I went out with the cowboy (Oh Yeah!!!) all day and I'm heading out to dinner now... so I'll hit you later I hope you had a GREAT DAY TOO!!!! Peace Out Girl!!!

And Lyds, NY, Scared, My Syd and the rest... I'll respond later on ladies... I hope you're all having a great day as well!!!! Whoo Hoo Yee Haw...

[Baby Steps]

I hope you didn't think I forgot about you my living testimony!!! NO WAY!! I'm just saving the best for last! I am anxious for the details so e-mail me soon friend!! I hope you are having a rocking weekend as well!! What's new with you lately? I've missed ya!!! I really have to run cause I'm leaving in a few so I have to finish changing but I'll be back later... Be good and we'll chat later.... I'm always proud of you my friend! I use you as an example quite often!!!

Luv ya!