[Never_me .]

My boss did let me start my vacation ealry this week it worked out great . I have been there a along time and get like 5 1/2 weeks vacation .... And they are pretty lax about... Sleep is not coming easy tonight... Got the Prestige , Open Water 2 and Walking Tall 2 to watch, the simply sleep by tylenol is not working to well tonight sleep is hard to come by. May be up again tonight till early morning hours...

Bound and determined to do it .... talked it over again with my GF and she is behind me 100%

[sydbean]

Never me ~ I am so glad to hear that you have your GF on your side. That helps so much. Have you had the restless legs at all? Quinine can help if you don't have the prescription med clonidine!!

[Never_me .]

your have to explain that one to me... And where can I get quinine if I need it?

[Baby Steps]

Hey Never... If you had Restless legs you'd know it trust me. I hear it's horrible. It is something I was blessed not to have either Thank Goodness but I had tolive on my melatonin for sleep. I wsuppliment section. Good luck girl as not ab]le to sleep w/o it. Nothing else helped me but that. Were you able to get some? You can get it at any pharmacy and it's over the counter in the votamin and natural. One minute at a time girly... You're doing great!!! Good movies by the way!!!

Night night...

[hatelove percs]

never me is a guy. lol. invaded by menfolk. hahaha. to bad he has a girlfriend. well, i guess he is a guy??? just because of the girlfriend does not mean guy necessarily. so anyway, what have you been up to this lovely day? or yesterday now i guess. hey congratulations never me you are on day two officially!!! i cannot sleep. i am finding many things different with myself since my sobriety. one of those is not easily going to sleep at night (but i sure can sleep all day) probably the two are related. duh. i have to get up early also. arghhhh. poopy.

[Grimm]

Thought I would introduce myself into the discussion ....since I am new here.
Im my mid 20s, enrolled and succesfully passing professional grad school, lots of bright future options... if I can quit..

Been battling with Oxycontin and heroin (whatever I could get my hands on) for almost 6 months. It has really gotten worse in the past 2 months. my dosage might seem a little low compared to some others (40 mg per day oxy). I can't just do Oxy, if I get started on pills my ULTIMATE goal is to find some weed to smoke for the rest of the evening (3 bowls per day at least). I started buying large amounts of dope to save money, and in the end it burned me-- as my tolerance skyrocketed and the withdrawal symptoms took hold... F*ing terrible, worst sickness ever...

I've been back and forth over the issue of quitting for several months, knowing I MUST quit this thing before it effects my entire career.. it already has effected my personal life, i.e. no true friends to confide in, just fellow junkies to joke with about quitting... they laugh, we all laugh..... I tried to quit yesterday but ended up shooting up an OC 40 instead... first time pushing off too, on a day when I had planned to quit altogethor... that was a major step in the wrong direction for me...

I want to clean up, I know it is the right thing to do, but for me the pattern is the same every day: Wake up, groggy, but determined to quit all drugs (pills, dope, weed). Make it through lunch, still quite determined, but a little aggitated.. At some point in mid afternoon I start to question if I picked the right day to quit. maybe tommorow would be a better, more isolated day to quit.. typically an hour later, my phone rings from any number of various heads who found a connection, whether it be for cheap stamps or for expensive ABGs... A normal, smart person would ignore the call. Even a halfway decent junkie who just wants a day off would ignore the call... but no not me.. I cave in, despite not having the cash to spare... yesterday I caved in so far that I shot up in some random dude's apartment with a needle he promised was clean.. talk about caving!

I just needed to get this garbage off my chest, since I have no one to talk to about this and there is a huge stigma over it in the professional schools. I don't feel ready to talk with a doc about withdrawal maintenance because the withdrawals have been relatively confined to sweats, insomnia, muscle pain, weakness, and GI symptoms... i still think I can do it cold turkey.. I have been using weed to self medicate for about 10 years... I must quit that also.. It is so hard to ignore, once my mind gets set on finding it, especially if I am sweating and the phone is ringing and I know I can do it just one more time, no big deal, the last time right?

[Never_me .]

I think you have come to the right place the posters here are great and very supportive. I'm sure someone will be along soon that knows alot more then me on that type of addiction. I have my own that I am trying to boot but if you ever need to talk let me know ... I think the hardest thing is saying no but sooner or later hopefully sooner your going to have to make up your mind and stick to your guns. I know how hard it can be and parts of your story are very familiar. I wish you all the best and stick around help is on the way....

Yes Baby Steps sorry I'm a guy ... Living down here in South Georgia ... It's a cold wet windy night down here just got done driving around town still not able to sleep... I will have to check on the melotonin in the morning.... Still your the best Baby Steps along with all of the rest.

Well back to bed to try to get some sleep..

[scared_ohio]

Hey everyone!!! I'm baaaack! Miss me? Hahahahaaa..
Wow..new friends! Hi there Never Me, Grimm...isn't this the best site in the world? It has saved my sanity time and time again. Definately a gift from the big Guy upstairs.
How's everyone doing? Hanging tough, right?
Never Me, I read your posts, and I wanna say bravo to you for registering on this site, it's hard to admit our problems, even to "strangers", but it's the first step, so bravo!
Grimm...wow...isn't it "funny" how we addicts say, "oh no, I'll never shoot it...I don't like needles, etc.." but there comes a time when it just seems the next thing to do. I personally have never done it, but if I had continued taking 45+percs a day, I probably would have graduated to it someday. You're doing a good thing just by telling your story, because you may save someone by doing it. Please, keep sharing with us, and know that noone here judges you. Everyone I've ever "talked" to on here has been awesome, and even tho these are people I've never met, and probably never will, they are an important part of my support system.
I've been taking suboxone since Jan 30th, and I have to say I'm scared to death at the thought of coming off of it. especially after reading the warning post that was posted here. I don't know how much longer I can afford the shrink at 145.00 a visit. Still going every week too!!
I've been waking up sitting on the side of the bed lately...just *poof*...I wake up, with legs dangling over the side, like I'm getting ready to stand up. And obviously sitting there for a while, because my feet will be all swollen. Wierd. Then, when I do stand up, my feet hurt!! I think I had read somewhere that someone elses feet started hurting on suboxone. Hmm..can't remember now.
I have a question for the mommies on the board. Sydney is my daughter, (I call her Syd Vicious!) she'll be 2 on April Fools Day...hehe...anyway, she has started throwing the WORST tantrums! Any thoughts on nipping this? Also, she isn't eating! She'll eat a tiny bit of cheerios, or a couple of tater tots, but I cannot get her to eat anything else. And this has been going on for a while, like 2-3 mths. She's perfectly healthy otherwise, just doesn't eat. Man, I'm feeling every bit of my 40 years these days....ack.
BTW, I've been kinda following the chickk thing....how funny!! Gave me a good laugh!
Take care, and good luck Grimm, NeverMe...I'll be thinking of you.
Gen

[Never_me .]

50 hrs and 30 mins .... Things are loooking up ... One day at a time...

[hatelove percs]

haha welcome to the terrible twos. i had to resort to pureeing carrots and mixing them into my daughter's spaghetti'os cause that was the one of the only things she would eat! i am 40 and cannot imagine having a two year old you r a brave woman. well, i have a 14 yr old and that may be worse..at least you can catch yours to swat her hiney. lol.
NEVER ME: day two bud! awesome.
GRIMM: you have found the right place. when you are ready to quit, we are here for you. a good time is now ya know? before this needle thing gets to be a habit. sitting around waiting for the results of a hep c test is not a fun way to spend a week. are you taking heroin all the time too or just the oc? it is pretty much impossible to do cold turkey off heroin. my boyfriend was on it and he had to go to rehab to detox. i think he has been detoxed off everything there is to detox from....haha. but he is clean now.

[Jonesing]

Never Me - Greetings from another Georgian. Stay strong you can do it.

Scared_Ohio - Don't let all the negative talk about SUB get you down. I'm living proof that you can wean off it.

Gotta get back to work.

J.

[scared_ohio]

Hey all,
Ok, I've decided I'm going to open a home for runaway mommies in Cancun, then I'm going to run away to it. Grrr....really, really pushing my buttons today. Ya know, I seem to recall just getting the "look" from my mom, and that scared me to death!! Looking back I don't think it was any easier doing this when I was on the percs, but it sure seemed like it!
Way to go Never...are you going cold turkey? I admire people who have the strength to do that, I just knew I couldn't do it while taking care of a toddler. No way...dang, I can barely do it on suboxone! lol
Check this out...I'm looking through Cincinnati's Citybeat newspaper, and on the back page is an ad for "seeking opiate-dependent people for research" They're doing research on suboxone at the methadone clinic, and the people who qualify get the sub for free, the doc visits for free...man, where was this ad three weeks ago??!!!??? shoot. Here I am paying out the butt for it. Oh well..I have to look at as though someone who really doesn't have the money for it, may see the ad and get the help they desperately need...right? God chose a different path for me.
I cannot wait for naptime!!!!!!!
Later taters..
Gen

[scared_ohio]

Hey Jonesing...
Thanks for the input...can I ask you, how bad is it??? I'm hearing all kinds of horror stories.
Thanks for sharing and caring!
Gen

[Xtina9999]

I didn't see mention of Lomotil to help with the withdrawal symptoms. I had the situation of for years not getting help with serious pain from a back and hip problem - I had physicians literally running out of the room when I tried to talk to them about pain. I was doing the stretching and the exercising and getting chiropractic treatment and acupuncture and I still couldn't get the jerks to help me.

And then I found a way to access pain medication after years of not having any help at all. I dosed properly for about 3 blessed blessed years, and then I went off the deep end for a couple of years, from which I have lately emerged. I have to have pain help! The alternatives, again offered by the MDs, STINK - they are invasive expensive procedures that have questionable returns. But then you also have the DEA cutting off what legal access we have - that is part of the problem Ihate/love Percs is having - they watch them like hawks these days and will jerk their licenses if they pass gas the wrong way. It is not fair.

[tamara02]

Hi All!!! Hope everyone is doing well, Hey,scared ohio , your 40 w/ a 2 yr old ,im 46 w/ a 4 yr old boy,its a lil tough at our old age ,huh,Just kiddin,anyways ,does you r daughter drink alot??milk ,juice or whatever during the day ,my son does and he dosen't eat much either ,but just recently he has been eating better,the tantrums,Ignore them!!!Tell her you understand how she feels but she can not act that way if she wants to have her way.....offer her some different foods,maybe take her to the grocery store w/ you or she may see something on TV that she might like to eat,good luck,and everyone CONGRATS on your Clean time,chat w/ you all later,Tamm

[Never_me .]

Today had been weird not as pianful but very discomforting. It seemed harder too as things seemed to pile up on me... None the less I'm still very determermined to get though this once and for all to never forget that I have a problem and how easy it would be to use again.

[Grimm]

well its been 24 hours, I imagine the worst is still on the way... I had several opportunities to indulge today and I did not so that is positive.. thanks for the kind words Never-me and others who responded..

im sorry if my earlier message was too raw for these forums, i am new here

[tamara02]

Hi all you new guys ,have faith and get and stay off those lil devil pills,I give Ya'll alot of credit quitting c/t,I had to go the Sub. Way cause there was no way I could do it c/t or believe me I would have,I'll keep you all in my prayers tonite.....babysteps,Syd nymommy ,H/L miss you guys.Tamm Oh and PS where are all the GUYS???Tom,Kia,bobby,miss you guys and am proud of you all ,Tamm

[nymommy]

ahh.. tantrums! dont miss em at all...one of my sons had lots of em..i ignored them...stepped right over his writhing body..sounds harsh, but it is the only way!...btw it gets worse(teenagers)....just wanted to answer your question regarding tapering:..i was on sub 5 mos..felt great on it..never ever thought of pills at all!...so getting off the sub, for me, was not that easy..having said that..i am off sub 7 weeks (i think)...so it is doable...to be honest, that 2 yr old will be a tough situtation...mine are older..but i still have huge responsibilities...cooking ..cleaning...driving them around, whenever they call..and they CALL alot!..and i have a husband thats pretty helpful!...back to the taper..i dont know how many mgs your on...but i would get down to as low as possible...truth is you wont feel a big difference...stay at that for as long as possible (2-3 weeks)....then start dropping 1/2 mg..stay there for 2 weeks or so...when your at 1 mg (1/2 pill) stay there for a month..then jump...you will feel fatigue..goosebumps..********py..depression ..i'm not gonna lie..but what is the alternative?....i felt better after 2 weeks..but i still am craving..some days worse than others..im still waiting for my energy to return....again some days worse than others....i exercise, and that helps..i think that the pills gave me an energy i NEVER had...so i'm probably feeling like my old un-energic self...that energy is what i miss, cause as moms we soo need it!..it is doable and you can do it.!!!!...you will feel ********py for bout 10 days..try to time it when you'll have help around if possible

[scared_ohio]

Ya know, just when I think you guys can't be any more helpful...BAM...there ya go..even MORE helpful!
I'm doing the "ignore" thing with the tantrums. But dang, it's hard when she's trying to climb back up in my woo! I'm home with her all day too so that probably isn't helping.
The sub isn't doing much for energy, pain, etc...and to be honest, I'm at the highest dose, and still having cravings for the percs/vicodins. But, I was taking 45+ a day, so I guess I'm stuck with it. I have not caved at all tho...and I actually found a couple of vicodins when I was draggin out the summer purses. I gave them to my hubby. He has a bad shoulder so he can use them. Plus he's mister straight and narrow, takes things as directed, etc. He won't go to the doctor himself tho, he's afraid he'll find out he's got high blood pressure or something. Sigh. Men are such babies....NO OFFENSE guys!! Y'all are awesome on this board..incredibly strong men!
So, I'm just going to have to wean like you suggested nymommy...and hope for the best. Trust me, I'll be sending up daily prayers for strength the whole way.
Grimm, I don't think your message was too "raw"....we're all addicts here, and let's face it, the truth of addiction is not pretty.
Take care everyone!
Gen

[Baby Steps]

Originally Posted by nymommy

ahh.. tantrums! dont miss em at all...one of my sons had lots of em..i ignored them...stepped right over his writhing body..sounds harsh, but it is the only way!...btw it gets worse(teenagers)....just wanted to answer your question regarding tapering:..i was on sub 5 mos..felt great on it..never ever thought of pills at all!...so getting off the sub, for me, was not that easy..having said that..i am off sub 7 weeks (i think)...so it is doable...to be honest, that 2 yr old will be a tough situtation...mine are older..but i still have huge responsibilities...cooking ..cleaning...driving them around, whenever they call..and they CALL alot!..and i have a husband thats pretty helpful!...back to the taper..i dont know how many mgs your on...but i would get down to as low as possible...truth is you wont feel a big difference...stay at that for as long as possible (2-3 weeks)....then start dropping 1/2 mg..stay there for 2 weeks or so...when your at 1 mg (1/2 pill) stay there for a month..then jump...you will feel fatigue..goosebumps..********py..depression ..i'm not gonna lie..but what is the alternative?....i felt better after 2 weeks..but i still am craving..some days worse than others..im still waiting for my energy to return....again some days worse than others....i exercise, and that helps..i think that the pills gave me an energy i NEVER had...so i'm probably feeling like my old un-energic self...that energy is what i miss, cause as moms we soo need it!..it is doable and you can do it.!!!!...you will feel ********py for bout 10 days..try to time it when you'll have help around if possible

Hey NY... Great advice girl!!! You have so much to offer everyone and it's always good to read it! Scared... as far as the kids and tantrums... I'm with NY... walk away... even if they are hanging on your leg and last nerve! LOL No really... have you thought about a good park run daily for exhaustion and a good long nap so you can at least get some rest, things done, or refuel for the evening hit! LOL Ya know it's funny... cause I haven't had little ones for quite a few years but those are the days as well as the teenage years I remember like it was yesterday... You are all doing such a great job ... having kids and like NY... being an on call taxi as well ... I am just so amazed and proud of you guys!!! I guess it puts the meaning behind the "These are the days you'll never forget" Ever! LOL

Hello to all and it appears the board is messed up so I'm not sure this will get posted but anyway... I wish you all a great night!!!

I am now at 7 weeks... pushing 2 months... and this was a very difficult week... but I got through it thank goodness!!! I think looking at that Anna Nicole situation was a constant reminder of the realities of what any medicine can do to us... even when prescribed for legitimate reasons!

Have a Great Night!!

[Baby Steps]

Hey Guys! How are you guys today??? CONGRATS! on your time!!! I'm so proud of you and it looks like you are getting past the worst of it!!! You guys have such a will power! Keep it up! Stay in touch and let us know how you're doing... even if it's a one liner that say's... "I'm alive"

[Never_me .]

Im in the same boat as you maybe we can get through this together. Today was a tough one on 3 different occassions I was around the pills and all three times I was able to say no....

Got to keep it going ....

[tamara02]

hi,gals,since the guys haven't been around,Hope they are doing fine. I couldn't get on here for a few hours,weird. I posted earlier,to most of you ,I guess I got lost with my small print , or whatever,,,Scared I replied to your post don't know if you read i t, Lori,Syd I haven't heard a Hello from you all, Are you mad at me for some reason,Im feeling worse now,being cut down to half of the sub.and I want to talk to someone abt it, but lately,it seems, not any of you gals respond to my posts, You know people can be friends and have different opinions,too. Ive noticed lately if Someone does not agree w/ what the girls in the "click" say ,they get ignored or they are the weirdo on the need to talk forum. Actions speak louder than words. Just cause you can type really sweet on the PC and say what you know the other person wants to hear you are doing a good deed,ya'll keep sayin "let it go" but heck it seems like 2 certain individuals start the bull,then when they get a responce they say let it go ,let it go you freaks and expect people to say oh! its ok , the weirdo thing got to out of hand,and now whenever someone posts on need to talk ,they get the 3rd degree,guilty then prove you are innocent, that's not how our country works,its the opposite,you are innocent until you can be proved guilty,also someone that believes in god should know that god is the only one that judges ,not people,lets get off our high horses and be genuine ,honest and helpful whenever we can and not judge and call people freaks unless you have hard evidence that it is so.ok,to talk to them in that manner,people on the need to talk forum are being to judgemental,put your self in that persons shoes and then see how it feels,also no one can be 100% right all the time..the 2 individuals that made some pretty off the wall comments abt who is intelligent or not ,should have not done so,I know I myself had a hissy when we were sure Weirdo was on the forum spewing obscentities,so Heck ya I'll jump his ass ,just like my partner in crime did,But come on being paranoid abt .every new post and giving them the 3rd degree is uncalled for,like I said unless you are 100% sure,You don't see my partner in crime jumping on anyone any chance he gets.I know a few teens that would be more adult abt things on this site compared to alot of 30-40 yr olds.like ,sweets for example,ya she flies off the handle,alot.but no one hesitates to tell her what she should do or how she should do it.we are not there , and we do not judge. if people are tired of giving people like that advice then ,heck stay away from that site or bite your tongues,like I said No one is perfect,thats why we are here,..the guys probably left cause they do not want to have a play by play of every lil thing.they are here for support,and apparently they choose not to listen to all the girly stuff ,constantly.some very mean things were said to LM and she's only 18 and she apologized1st,but being the christians some of us are ,she was basically told to get lost ,unbelievable.anyways ,its late .you 2 gals go read that site later,you know who you are.there is no need to be this way,life's to short...

[scared_ohio]

Hi Tamm,
Can you please email me? I wanted to ask you a few things in private...
Thanks,
Gen

[Kaidog]

Tomorrow is new, uncharted territory for me. Tomorrow marks 51 days clean..................... a new all time record.

Still doing well. Haven't posted much lately because work is just brutal. Long, long hours........ but most importantly, no pills.

Good to see al the newbies embarking on their own road to recovery and good to see all the oldies putting together some clean time.

Gotta run. Work is a cruel task master.

Hey to everyone.

[Never_me .]

Woke up this morning feeling pretty good even though I did not sleep well again last night. Have a sore knee this morning ...lol... I can't remember the last time I had a sore anything .. But dang it feels good!!! I think things are starting to look up ... Still one day at a time and never forgetting where I was so I don't never make the mistake of going back again... Thanks to everyone for thier help and support so far...

[Kaidog]

Never Me:

Congratulations on your progress.

For me, the lack of sleep or poor sleep patterns were really problematic. They pretty much returned to normal at about three weeks although other times, they returned to normal sooner than that.

Gut it out. It will get better.

[Baby Steps]

Originally Posted by Kaidog

Tomorrow is new, uncharted territory for me. Tomorrow marks 51 days clean..................... a new all time record.

Still doing well. Haven't posted much lately because work is just brutal. Long, long hours........ but most importantly, no pills.

Good to see al the newbies embarking on their own road to recovery and good to see all the oldies putting together some clean time.

Gotta run. Work is a cruel task master.

Hey to everyone.

OH MY KAI KAI!!!! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!!!! I never had a doubt! I am so proud of you and I know how excited you must feel right now! Ya know what I say.... you and your awesome wife need to go and celebrate this weekend!!! You've come a long way baby!!!! You Rock!!!! I have a lot of things to do this weekend so I might not be on to give you the Whoo Hoo you deserve tromorrow so I'm gonna be the first to do it today!!!!

Peace Out my Friend!!!

[Baby Steps]

Originally Posted by Never_me .

Woke up this morning feeling pretty good even though I did not sleep well again last night. Have a sore knee this morning ...lol... I can't remember the last time I had a sore anything .. But dang it feels good!!! I think things are starting to look up ... Still one day at a time and never forgetting where I was so I don't never make the mistake of going back again... Thanks to everyone for thier help and support so far...

Never Me... You are doing so awesome!!!! I'm so proud of you for not caving! You said something that I found very relevant... You said "It's the first time I've felt anything for a long time" Oh boy was that a revelation.... You know... we don't realize while we are medicated we don't feel a whole lot of anything... So when we w/d ... of course we are going to feel our bodies changes ... and you put it in such a GREAT WAY TO SEE IT... It feels good to FEEL again!!!

Thank you for keeping us up on your progress and Keep Up The Fight for your freedom!!!!