[Baby Steps]

Hello Scared!! I actually haven't read it... Let me go back a couple pages and you're not a wing nut... we were just concerned that you were either being set up or trying to consider taking pain meds while on sub... which would have been worthless because sub blocks the opiate receptors...

I'm glad you told the doctor you didn't need his services. Good job!

[hatelove percs]

yah i guess u weren't on the other day when i made the big confession that A: i've already been to the police academy and graduated with a class A license and B: already worked as a patrol officer and C: can't go back until i get my s h i t together with this pain killer addiction. and D: hope that noone from my hometown ever reads this or i will lose my commission, perhaps my license.

[hatelove percs]

this is why i cannot attend any NA meetings around here also. so this board is my NA. love you peeps!

[hatelove percs]

that reminds me-i forgot to tell you guys. when i was in the academy one of my instructors who happened to be DEA told of his experience being addicted to pain killers. its just crazy how this stuff is! i had another instructor who was retired highway patrol who had also been addicted.

[tom316]

My opinion is that addiction is a simple choice at the begining.You chose to take more pills than you are directed to or not.For example my wife was taking lorcet and soma for her back and her hips.She had taken them as directed for about 5 months.When she was done with the med and feeling better she didn't go through w/d or have cravings none of that bullsh*t.Also after my car accident years ago I was taking vicodin for 6 months as directed.Once my back got straigtened out I didn't take the med anymore and I didn't go through w/d or have cravings to get more.I will admit that I did get stoned when I first started taking them but as you know that goes away.After a while I built up a tolerence and they didn't work as well but I still took them as directed.I was afraid of the medicine I was afraid to O/D or something.So the whole thing about taking pain pills for more than a couple of weeks as directed and becoming addicted to them is a bunch of bullsh*t.You become addicted once you make the choice to take more than directed and you start to abuse them.People who have no choice but to take them and use them as directed should in no way be considered an addict.An addict makes the choice to start using more than directed.No one holds a gun to our heads and makes us start to abuse them.We do!I will agree that people who take them for a while may become dependant but everyone is different.Some people may while others may not.Snooch!

[tom316]

Snoogan's All!Here's a little update with me.I went to the hospital today to follow up about my left elbow and hand that has been killing me.I had it operated on 11 years ago for cubital tunnel syndrome.Well it looks like I'm going to have to go under the knife again.While I was painting and carrying dressers by myself(like a dumbass!)in my boy's room I compressed the nerve again.Lucky me!I hope everyone is doing better than I am right now.I'll catch up with everyone later,take care all.Snooch!

I've been reading these boards for months never having the courage to post. I just typed a 20 minute post that was lost when I tried to use the spell check. Here is my very long story in a still long, but shorter version. I became dependant on pain meds for migrains and disc problems, but now I know I'm addicted. I've been taking Percocet 10/325 and I'm up to 20+ pills a day. I can't wean myself this time and cannot go to a rehab/detox. I can't expose my problem to anyone I know. The worst part of all of this is I have 2 beautiful children (2 1/2 & 7months). I used to be a really great mother. I can no longer say that with this hanging over me. I am so ashamed! I kept taking the meds so I could take care of them and function through my pain. No medication has ever taken it away, but it made it much easier and even gave me energy. But I'm way out of control. I feel great during my first 3 days of my rx, like I could do anything. I even stay up all night catching up on all the work I miss the few days a week that it hurts just to lay down(something I can't do because of the kids)The pain has been bad enough to prevent me from doing what a young mother should be able to do. I'm so afraid of what I'll become. I cannot care for my children and w/d, but I will learn to live with any pain if I could just get off the pills. I could use any advice/support you could offer. Thanks in advance for reading this. I'm so afraid

[Kaidog]

I know that in your heart you think you are alone and that you are the only one who is going through this right now. Reading your post, I couldn't help but remember so many others who have come here and posted an almost identical scenario about their own situation.

The fact is, you are not alone and the shame you feel is probably unwarranted. Pain is a horrible thing to live with. The problem is however, so is addiction. There are so many who frequent this board who were introduced to the pain meds for pain and then fell in love with the energy boost they afforded. I am one of those. In my case the mountains of energy I received as a "side benefit" from the pills played right into my "A" type personality. I was able to accomplish so much and was able to work as I had many years ago. The down side is that eventually, the pain relief was greatly diminished, (if not gone entirely) and there was no longer any energy rush. Like so many others, the pills had grown to control my life.

This is like my zillionth time of attempting to get clean and I am approaching my all time record of consecutive clean days, (I am at day 44, all time record is 50). Hopefully that record will soon be smashed.

The fact that you express concern at whether or not you are a good mother................. makes you a good mother! A poor mother wouldn't care.

Perhaps the thing which concerned me most about your post is that you feel like you are alone and that you can't seek help anywhere. That is usually a formula for failure. Getting away from the pain meds is a monumentally difficult process and usually requires the assistance of a spouse or a Doctor.

Then too, many (myself included) have commented about how this board has been the single most beneficial aspect of their recovery.

So, it seems to me that there are a number of issues you will need to address. First of all, you need to determine the nature and cause of your pain. After detoxing from the pain meds, many addicts are astonished at how mild the pain actually is. Many have found that they can adequately address their pain issues through stretching, yoga, exercise, acupuncture, or over the counter meds. If the pain remains substantial, you need to get it fixed!

The second issue is the withdrawal process. If you choose to withdraw without anything like suboxane or the like, it will be difficult, but not impossible. It would be tremendously beneficial if you could solicit the help of a friend or family member for a few days to take care of the kids while you are feeling crummy for the 1st 5 or 6 days. If this process just is not possible, many have discovered great success with a program like suboxane.

I'm sure that many of the Mom's will chime in later with words of encouragement.

Please keep us posted will you?

Good luck and God Bless.

[Junkie781]

Hey folks:

I've been gone for a long time and it's amazing that this same thread is still going and some of the same people are still here!

Yes, I started using again, after about 8 or 9 months free of opiates. Not sure why, not sure what happened, but, well, it's water under the bridge now.

Yesterday I quit again. My using didn't get anywhere near as bad this time as I had gotten last time. I think I saw where I was headed and something inside of me knew it had to stop. So, I'm not going through any really *major* withdrawals, just a some fairly minor discomfort....which I know will subside over the next few days, but I intend to stay plugged in here again for the duration.

Hope everyone is doing ok. I'm going to go do some reading now

Originally Posted by hatelove percs

well, it is a whopping ohhhhhhh.....12 degrees i think here. anyway Equestrian, what kind of mare do you have? i have a five year old quarter horse mare. at the present time i am holding a grudge against her because we had a tad disagreement a couple weeks ago...lol. ending up with me face down in the middle of a gravel road missing a shoe and having to slop my way back to the barn through slush and mud in my sock broken and bleeding. hmmmm. can anyone say glue? no, i love her, i am trying to bond with her but i haven't had her to long, just since august, and she is nothing like the gelding i had before. i wanted a more spirited one this time and i sure got what i wanted. she is still so very young and full of energy. i have to make sure she gets a run before i ride her if she has been in her stall all day instead of out to pasture and that day she had been in for two days, so it really was my bad. what does yours look like? how do you ride? eng/west?

HLP -

Your mare sounds like she has a wonderful spirit even though you've parted company on occaision! (Been there!). I also have a 5 year old mare - an American Saddlebred. She is dark bay, and an absolute love and a pleasure to be around. Get her in the show ring and she loves to show what she's got! But then will come right down and rest her head on your shoulder. I've never had one quite like her. I've always been of the mindset that "they are all for sale", this mare has definitely had an impact on my life and I don't think she will be going anywhere anytime soon. She has seen me (and continues to see me) through treatment for my eating disorder and continues to give me purpose.

I ride saddle seat - but grew up riding hunt seat, stock seat, bareback, whatever, I did not care. I was a horse crazy kid who would hop up on anything, including galloping a Percheron through an open field, bareback at 10 years old! Now that's living

Thank you for your insight regarding my posts - good luck with your mare, I would love to hear more about her.

[Baby Steps]

Hello and Welcome to our family FunGirl!!! First let me say, I am so very sorry about your pain and heartache!! I know (like most of us) your pain! Kai has give some excellent advice as always! But I'd like to echo... You are not alone and You are NOT a bad mother! No it isn't good to be addicted while trying to raise children but you have not hurt them and have come to the conclusion it's time to come off this medicine in order to be the mother you were prior to the pain and medicine! That is a concious and clear and admiral dicision and I like I'm sure many others here are proud of you for making!!!

I have a question... you didn't mention how long you were on the percs. I can only assume it's been a while considering the amount you are taking a day. But nothing is impossible and it won't be easy but any of the options are available and possible. If it is at all possible to go c/t w/d (that's what I did 36 days ago) you will def. need to prepare for this like you would prepareing for a trip... (1) You'll need to start taking a strong potent multi-vitamin (now while you're able to eat) which is high in B's (you may not be able to take these vitamins after you start to w/d as you won't eat for a couple of days and they aren't good to take on an empty stomach. (2) grab a box of Immodium AD (you'll need it). (3) A sleep aid if you do not have one... I used the over the counter Melatonin 5mg (through w/d I took about 4 a night) to sleep. (4) Plenty of water. To help flush the toxins out. Especially for the first few days as my physical pain only lasted 3 days yours might be diff. I was on 10 vics and 4 dilaudid (morphine) a day. (5) Once I was able to eat a little bit (day 3) I started with a couple of pieces of butter toast and by day 4 peanut butter toast (for the protein which your body will def. need) (6) If you have a job, you will have to take a couple days off... Like a Friday-Monday, this was monumental in my w/d. You will experience Flu Like symptoms therefore you can tell your husband you have the flu through this time for the help you'll need with the babies. Stay in bed. Do not use chicken broth as it is very hard on your heart with all the sodium and you'll experience heart poundings through this so don't panic... just stay away from the sodium. And last but not least... keep reading the pages of this forum... every minute raed read read and post if you can. This is something you have to prepare for. You can also ask your doctor to prescribe you something like valium and clonidine (ONLY to get you through the w/d then stop the use as they can become addictive as well). Stay in touch with us and know we will ALL be pulling and praying for you!!!

Like Kai said, there is something called suboxone as well but the downside to that is you will eventially have to come off of that as well but it will ease the w/d (physical part) for sure and I have only heard mixed reviews... good and bd but since I do not have any experience in it I am no pro ... trust me!! LOL

I will hold you in prayer and please know we are all here for you night and day!!

Stay strong!!

[scared_ohio]

Hiya Fungirl!
Wow...reading your post was really "hitting home" if ya know what I mean. I have a little girl who will be 2 on April 1st, and part of the reason I was taking 40+ perc 5's a day was so I could function and take care of her. Like so many people on this board, I have severe back problems. Three surgeries, severe degenerative disc disease, arthritis, etc...Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I went to a website www.suboxone.com that some great people on here recommended, and it has helped more than I dreamt possible. It led me to a psychiatrist who prescribes the medicine and counsels me. I don't know what your financial situation is like, but if you go to the website and check it out, it might help.
I pray that you'll see yourself as a loving mother who wants to get on with her life without pain pills. You are NOT a bad mother...so many of the people on here helped me when I was saying pretty much the same thing about myself. Again, being addicted does NOT make you a bad person. You've taken the first step, and you know what they say about first steps, they're the hardest. So, please, please, take the advice of the people on this board. They don't judge you, and the advice is truly a blessing.
Please, do not hesitate to email me if you want to chat some more. Sometimes it's nice to "talk" to someone who has a life similiar to your own, having toddlers and all.
Take care, and good luck!
Gen

[Baby Steps]

Hey Junkie... I'm so glad you've come back! Don't be hard on yourself. We all slip and fall but it takes a lot to realize we have to get back up and brush off and look ahead not back!!! My 1 relapse was due to having a refill waiting and a doctor that only wanted comfort for me as he knew and knows my pain will be forever!! I only had 7 days clean but the temptation and need for relief was overwhelming! I caved. Since then I have had to make a few lifestyle and work changes such as working from home when I'm in a lot of pain and my company has set me up for home office use which has made it much more bareable for me to get through those bad days and to stay clean.

I will pray for you as you have made the right decision and at least you know we are here for you!

Stay strong!!

[nymommy]

fun girl...a mommy is gonna chime in...i did the same, lurked and finally jumped in..best thing i ever did!..having kids and even considering c/t is terrifying..especially that your kids are soo young!..i'm assuming your husband dosent know ( mine didnt either..he does now)..in fact no one knew..but you are NOT alone..i went w/ the suboxone , only for one reason..i was unable to even try c/t!..i did try to taper (impossible for me)..i was so scared of the pain, dope-sickness etc....the suboxone will eliminate all w/d's and after a few days of adjusting your dose..you will feel good..BUT this is no magic bullet...i would strongly suggest you stay on the suboxone (if you go that route) for a short time, at a low of dose as possible...i was on it 5 mos...and tapered off. i am almost 5 weeks of it...not easy..but doable!..if being in bed, and out of commision is not an option..look into the sub..but again, know that you will need to come off of this too...also wanted to mention...the mental battle still exists for me, somedays better than others..you will find great support here..i know i have!..even if im just back to lurking!!!

[Baby Steps]

Hey NY... Great Advice!!! And I've missed you but totally understand!! As long as your with us in Lurking... Then that's ok... Congrats on your time missy!!! You are so awesome!!! I hope she reads all this wonderful advice and I hope it helps...

Stay sweet NY!!! And Have a Great Weekend!

[Baby Steps]

Scared... I read your previous posts but couldn't find your initial post which is where I thought I got the information about your situation. I believe I said I wasn't sure but I believed it was you who was referred to a neurologist as I wasn't sure but the concern remains the same. I was certainly wondering why this doctor who refused to see you would contact you vis phone just because you missed an appointment and then to top it off asked if you needed more pills!

So please forgive me if I worry too much but I don't want you to have to go through any more drama as you have enough on your plate.

I am so happy to hear you're doing so much better and you are def. an assett to our little family here!!! I'm proud of your progress and hope all is well with you today!!! Ya know... I have not called AA yet but I'm sure they are really really busy with all these new complaints now!!! LOL OMG when I heard how they treated their passengers like steerage on the runway, holding them hostage for 12 hours I was like... OMG... and I thought I had it bad!!! Absolutely terrible for sure!! What do you do for them? I hope you don't have to handle people who are upset because I watch that TV show "airline" and feel so sorry for the agents sometimes but I also feel bad for the passengers as well!! LOL

I hope you are having a great day today!!!

[tamara02]

Good (late) morning!!!Hows everyone doing??? Great I hope...I've been sleeping alot better ,so thats why I haven't been on here late at nite w/ U guys..I found out why my feet were swollen,I was up very late alot last week on the computer,sitting at this desk,and since Ive been off my feet at nite the swelling went away..what's new w/you lori,H/L,Syd,Nymommy,Kia,and where's TomTom???MIA?? Tamm ,Lori what abt. Bobby Have you heard from him lately,hope he's doing Good!!

[Baby Steps]

Hey Tamm... are you around today??? I've missed you lately... your posts have been pretty short and sweet. How's your taper going? How much longer before you jump? I knwo you can do it! Oh...also, I had mentioned that I thought your daughter looked just like you! Well, I re read it nd found out she's your neice! But she could be your daughter! She looks just like you! Also, I've been meaning to ask this for a long time and keep forgetting... Why do you type a message and then put Tamm in the middle of it and continue typing... Is it a type of signature for you? It's not bad ... I'm just curious.. LOL

And HL... How are you today?? I read back somewhere that you haven't been able to ride your horse! I'm so sorry to hear that! I know when I had my horse and went off to college my parents made me sell her and OMG that was the absolute WORST day of my life (then)! I cried and cried and cried! I begged my parents to not make me go to college because I didn't want to let her go. She was my peace of mind, my best friend and really ... the only one I could talk to and scream at that didn't talk back or make things worse! LOL She made things better! So I really wish you were able to get out on her and leave the world for a while! Do you have hre boarded somewhere close by? Anyway... I hope you are having a great day today as well!!!

SYD... Hey girl... ya know what I want don't cha? A good lil diddy!!! How's your daughter doing? Get a picture up missy! So everyone else can see how beautiful you are! What's up today? I have a stupid question... are you on sub? Forgive me for not trudging through the last years worth of posts to go bcak and find out... it's just easier to ask! I Hope you're doing ok today!!!

TOM... What up brotha!!! Good advice earlier! I'm very glad you took the time to re register... the board would'nt be the same w/o you for sure!!!

KAI... How the heck are you today!!!??? I know I know... the sun is shinning and the ocean breeze is whipping past your face! SHUT UP! No really... what's on your plate this weekend? And as far as Anaheim goes... yes I agree... things have changed so much over the years... It may have been ok a long time ago but has since turned into a little vietnam and slummy in many areas. My ex sister in law lived in Simi and I used to go visit her often in fact she's the one I had an awesome road trip with from there to VA!!! OMG We could've made a movie about it! But we ended up there a few times so I know what the deal is. Her husband is over Universal Studios and I was able to go there and meet a few actors and we got the VIP tour and that was awesome. But Disney was terrible. But I did love love love the palm trees!!! LOL We don't have them here on the atlantic coast.

Coming Home... please chime in and let me know how you are please!!! I miss you and worry about you!!!!!

Lisa Girl... I hope you'll come back as well... and I hope I haven't said anything that would cause you to never return cause I MISS YOU MUCH!!! I often wonder how you and the BF and your mom is doing so I hope your ok! Please let me know!!!

LYDS... How the heck are you today girl??!! What's going on in Ala!!!??? I was just thinking about you as well and hope your having a terrific day!!!

And to all I missed... I wish you all a super fantastic day!!! And Love You All so very much!!! You are and have been my lifeline!! Thanks for being so special and I don't mean short bus special... LOL I care so much about you all for real and always pray for the very best!!!

[tamara02]

Hey,Lori,Its cause im a pollock,hush Tom,no really,I think im done typing,then I sign my name when im done,then I think of something else to say and forget to go back and erase my name,silly me,just over look my typing,Next time it could be in Polish,Just kiddin' anyways this is my 1st month on 8mgs a day ,I was on 16mgs the 1st 3 months,then the last 2 weeks of the 3rd mo. I went down 4mgs.myself,to get ready for the 8mgs.for the next 3 months,I will try to taper quicker than my dr.wants me,too.Cause I want to be done w/it...Love Ya Tamm........

[tamara02]

Hi Syd,Looks like our sweet buddy ,got alil teed off,huh!But hey you are right ,you do not leave a child in a bath tub alone,Period....Tamm

[scared_ohio]

Hey y'all,
Ya know Babysteps...that is EXACTLY what I do at AA. I get to let people scream at me all day long. If someone calls the 800 number and needs to talk to a supervisor. That's me! It's not ALL bad tho...I have talked to a bunch of celebrities. John Cusack, Leo Dicaprio, Richard Gere, Dean Koontz, Jennifer Aniston, Brendan Fraser and quite a few others. The supervisors have access to the celebrity accounts with addresses and phone #, and I always thought, "Hey, if I ever need money, I could sell the info!" But, alas, the confidentiality contract and all that. Sigh.
so yeah, I've watched that show too, pretty accurate. Dealing with jerks, spoiled brats, (mean celebrities!) drunks, rich snobs, crazy people, (a woman who wanted to put her 3 yr old in the overhead comparment so she wouldn't have to pay for an extra seat!! SERIOUSLY!) I could go on and on. I keep thinking I should write a book!
About that referral/neurologist post...there was someone named "noselfcontrol" who left a post like that. Anyway, neither here nor there...no biggie. I just feel kind of "shut down" here sometimes. Have a good one...

[Kaidog]

Baby Steps:

What am I doing today you ask? Working!!!!

We are getting so incredibly busy at work. It is going to be an incredibly busy spring and summer. We were just awarded a 6.5 million dollar concrete job. Good news is that it's a 6.5 million dollar concrete job. Bad news is that it's 3 hours from here which of course means it's an away game. The older I get the grumpier I get and the less I like traveling. I'm not certain just how I'm going to sandwich that in with all the other things we have on the books for this year. Lots of D.O.D. (Department of Defense) work starting next month and all the other school and hospital work. There's just not enough hours in the day.

All that work load sure makes me covet the energy rush I used to get from the Norco's. Ain't gonna happen this time!!!!!!!!! I'm sure glad I've burned all my bridges so that there is no retracing my steps to my Doctor / sources. Maybe....................................... just maybe I've finally learned my lesson!

[Kaidog]

scared_ohio:

You had just posted about your job and it caused me to reflect on everyone's jobs / businesses / positions in life. It's amazing how completely addiction cuts through every age group, economic strata, ethnic group, profession and social status in society. It certainly is not a respector of persons.

It sounds like your job at AA is interesting.......................... and really stressful.

[hatelove percs]

omg! she wanted to stick her kid in the over head compartment? o holy cow!! i thought i have heard some good ones! o my gosh.
welcome to all the new people! i will write more later. i am to busy laughing right now!

[Baby Steps]

Hey Tamm... you are too funny girl!!! And PLEASE don't revert to writing in polish... I have a hard enough time reading english! ahhahahahahaha!!! And oh I am so happy to hear about your success so far with your taper! Ya know.. I know NY had something to do with it huh? She did it and although it wasn't easy she showed us it is something that can be done! My hats off to you and her for sure!! Keep up the good work missy!!! I have complete faith in you! And what were you talking to Syd about? Is it that crazy Chikk?? I swear I think there's something wrong with her. Her moods switch as bad as that crazy guy!!! One day she's all sweet and everyone's friend and complimentary and the next minute she's screaming at people and angry and defensive and bitter! Anything she does is ok and excused but she's very judgmental of other people if you try and give her advice. Crazy! I stay away from her and communicating with her because she's way too unstable and combative. I love my little family here... we never fight in here and are all able to take constructive criticisms. I'm very glad her and that horrible abey chick stay out of our forum! Peace out girl!!!

[Baby Steps]

Oh how I understand the customer service thing!!! Have you ever noticed the full moon theory??? Oh I have in the hotel industry... They come out from no where... Mean horrible hateful people!! I had some old lady come to the front desk screaming that we stole her freakin broom and dust pan on Friday!!! WHAT!? Broom and dustpan??? What the hell??? Then she went on to say she was also missing all this expensive (Thousands of dollars) jewelry!!! OMG... How did we go from a broom to expensive jewelry??? The woman was whacked out for sure! She evidently stayed over New Years Eve for 1 night and we are a hotel that cleans daily so what in the heck did she bring a broom for??? Oh pahleez!!!! I sent her on her way... but just the fact that we have to even deal with people like that is ridiculous!!! But like you said... then there are the celebrities and all the awesome stories that make up for the kooks... It certainly takes my psychology degree to handle some of the situations that go on daily and then again... it's probably one of the main reasons I stayed in the industry... Never a dull moment!!!! CRAZY!!!

[Baby Steps]

Oh how I feel your pain young man!!! Are you a foreman? How do they expect you you shift between jobs if one is 3 hours away??? Ahmazing!!! I know you'll do a great job!! I'm sure that's why they count on you cause you do such an awesome job!!! I'm glad you exhausted all your roads to meds as well!!! It takes a lot to say NO... let alone always having in the back of your head... "Hmmm I can always go back and get a refill" So I'm proud of you Kai Kai!!! And anyways... You have to stay clean cause I like following you and really don't want to be ahead of you!! You Hear! Have fun working today! Me? I'm probably gonna go to the movies with my daughter, granddaughter and son tonight... idk ... we'll see... I can't seem to peel myself off the couch right now! Yikes... ever since I quit the meds... My butt drags EVERY weekend!!! All week long I'm like on a high speed chase ... then by Friday night... I crash until Monday Morning!!! It's crazy I know but it is a fact of my life for now.... I'm sure that winter has a lot to do with it as well... cause I usually head down to VA beach every weekend in the summer or Myrtle Beach or the Outer Banks so I'm sure I just have the winter time BLUES!!! LOL

Luv Ya Guys!!!

[tamara02]

hey ,babysteps,Boy,you hit it right on the nose w/ that one abt.sweetck.Bipolar ,,you think??maybe skitzo??scary,later

[tamara02]

hey,Lori you know you can check the who's online and it tells what forums the person is checking out and if they are on or not.Tamm...........PS ,Sorry I keep going from babysteps to Lori,You probably think Im nuts,Well I kinda am..

[Baby Steps]

What the heck is a Yahoo Slurp Spider???? OMG That's freaky!!! LOL Thanks for the cool info Tamm... That's so cool!!!