[hollow]

Wow Princess, I really feel for you, how are you doing? My addiction led me to 30-45 10/325's a day, w/d were absolutely the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. I have been on suboxone for 9 days now and did not have any w/d. I honestly don't think I could have made it without it. The people here that made it cold turkey, you have my utmost respect and awe. Hang in there Princess and if you ever get caught up in the chase again, and instead of going the lengths of having your gallbladder out, see a Dr that can prescribe sub. It will take away the cravings and help you feel like a normal person again. Good luck!

L.

[PrincessofPink]

To wifestyles and hollow: Thank you for your advice and support, it is truly appreciated and accepted.
Ok, Day 1 and 1/2 has been okay so far, about as okay that w/d could be I guess. LOTS of sweating and sleeping today, haven't eaten a thing...I'm just not hungry but I have been drinking plenty of ice cold water and tea. Did have a few loose BMs (gross I know, sorry) but haven't thrown up (yet). I have been coughing a lot, more than the normal smoker's cough..like a choking cough, I just cough and cough and cough trying to cough something up but nothing happens. I probably will try to have some broth or something liquidy before I go to sleep and will probably have to take a Restoril (RX sleep aid) in order to sleep tonight. As for my boyfriend, he is a firefighter so yes he works, TOO MUCH if you ask me..but he is an angel in disguise and would give anyone the shirt off his back. He loves me very much and therefore he gives in easily to me. He blames himself for what has become of me but it's not his fault I'm like this, I know that it's mine. He just enabled me to get them so I wouldn't be sick and wouldn't as he puts it "hate him"...but I could never hate him. He's a trooper through all this. He has this way of comforting me..like just holding me and, this sounds silly but, rubbing my nose lol. I dunno, it's a weird thing. I told him when we first got together that when I was a child, my mom and grandma used to rub my nose and rock me when I would get upset. I think it's just cool that he remembers that and it soothes me a lot. I'm a lucky girl to have him even if it's sometimes just 3 or 4 hours a day. Ahh anyway, anyone else experience this:
I got my period yesterday morning while on vicodin, and then today it just sorta stopped. The other times that I went in the hospital with withdrawl symptoms and detoxed there, it seemed like the day or the day after I got discharged, I got my period. Does the vicodin keep us girls from getting our periods or prolong our cycles or something? Sorry to the men reading this that are grossed out with the topic of menstruation lol. Maybe it's just a very weird coincidence, I dunno. The thought of robbing a drug store actually ran through my head last night as I fell asleep thinking of how to get more vic's...seriously! I'm not stupid or ballsy enough to do that, though..I wouldn't have the energy to do it anyways
I will make it through this with help from my boyfriend and also visiting this board. I just keep telling myself, "it's the flu, it'll go away in a few days just like the flu does". At least the weekend is coming up and my mom will be off work so she can help with my dad while I detox and try to stay sane. I feel bad because I wasn't able to fulfill many of my obligations as caretaker to my dad today because I was just so blahh feeling. I managed to make him a couple of meals/snacks and change him and all but I normally help him with his physical therapy (his left leg was amputated last year) and sit with him during the day to keep him company like play cards or watch tv with him but I just couldn't even do that. I couldn't sit up for long at all, got so dizzy and weak. I feel horrible for that. He was understanding though, I told him I got my "girl thing" and was having really bad cramps and he's got 8 daughters so I got an easy cope out today.
About the suboxone, there is only one doctor available in my area that can prescribe them and he's about 45 miles away and anyway his office told me today that he's reached the state mandated patient quota for prescribing the drug so I'm SOL there, I couldn't afford to pay for DR visit and an RX anyways and I'm not covered on my BF's insurance and he's going through some financial stress at the moment so I don't have the heart to ask him to pay for anything right now. I am going to call a place called Ozark Guidance on Monday because they have classes for people addicted to RX meds. I may try to go to a class on Monday depending on how I feel. I am, for sure, going to go though, I just hope the classes will help me stay off the pills and get my life back together. I'm so sorry to make this such a long post, I'm a windbag sometimes and I like to vent lol. Thanks again for your support, everyone! We will all defeat this demon!! Sleep well everyone and I hope tomorrow is a better day for us all. I will check in again real soon.
Peace and love,
Steph

[hollow]

Princess, I am glad you have support through all this, it is so important. Your sweetie sounds like a real gem, someone you can really count on. It also sounds like you are strong and determined, with this and the support of someone who loves you, you're going to make it through this just fine! My husband has been really supportive also, which makes me feel bad because I deceived him for the past few years about the drugs, I don't deserve someone so understanding and forgiving. He has been so kind, bringing me flowers or candy everyday, calling me through out asking how I am doing. This man is truly a blessing.

I planned many pharmacy break ins in my head too, thank God I never acted on it. My periods stopped all together about six months ago, I'm 44, a little early for menopause. But with how many pills I was taking I suppose it could have messed up my cycle, I keep expecting it any day but nothing is happening. I haven't heard from any other women on this topic but I am sure it can mess us up.

Too bad about the sub Dr. What is this ******************** about patient quotient?? Only two Drs in my town with a population of 250,000, in my opinion that is sooo not enough. I am thankful that I was able to get a script although the Dr I saw was not taking any new patients until I emailed him and told him how much I was taking on a regular basis.

Day 12 for me and it's been a breeze, I kinda feel like I'm cheating especially knowing so many of you are in so much pain and discomfort. Princess, keep up the good work!

L.

[xcalibure]

Hi All!

I just wanted to give an update on my struggle. I finally came clean with my doctor. Well, that's not entirely true. More like my Dr. found me out. Taking the time one day to call all the pharmacies in my area and getting a detailed history of what I had filled and by who and I must say it was an impressive list. By the grace of God I have an understanding Dr who instead of kicking me to the curb like he should have for breaking my pain contract he instead wanted to help me. Today we redid my pain contract seeing as I was at 70 Percocet per week we moved into the range of 45 for a week and are going to slowly taper down. Last week 45 pills lasted me all week. A big up to me seeing as I went from 10 pill to a day to 6. Not an impressive number to some but better none the less and I‘m proud. I also involved my wife in my struggle oddly enough coming up with the same idea as another poster in giving her my pills to hold and only dispensing them when I needed them. Usually before work and after, maybe in the morning depending on how bad things were. It's worked good because I'm embarrassed to ask for help or let others know I'm weak so I would rather take the pain then ask for my pills. It also took a lot to unload on my Dr and confess my addiction (not to mention he's working with an intern in recent visits so not only did I have to talk about it to my Dr but also to a perfect stranger). We have agreed to meet weekly and decide what to cut back by each week. I let him know I couldn't get a two week prescription any more because they were gone in a week leaving my in hell for another. Which incidentally happened this week even making the 45 pills I had last a week, it was still a two week script but he didn't give me any problems going in today or try to make me feel bad. He offered Methadone treatment again but I declined. I think my addiction is low grade enough to beat without the hard stuff or at least I thinks it’s hard. I heard it’s used mostly for Heroin addicts. I told him my problems of managing my pain with my addiction which is a fine line and he refilled my script for another 45 for a week and next week we'll try tapering down again so wish me luck all and to all the other addicts and scripters out there you are in my prayers at night. We'll all beat this if we continue going one day at a time.

One Love,
X

[wifestyles]

Princess, I'm so glad things are going good for you; I can't imagine how it would have been for me, going thru w/d's without my husband and my family! I'm very fortunate, and VERY thankful for the type of people they are.

As far as your period, it could very well be that with all your body is going thru that your period may be off a little. Just like with the sweating and pottie problems, a sporadic period possibly could be expected, with the timing of you quitting pills...the whole body essentially gets thrown out of whack when subjected to such a big change; that's in my case, I don't want to say thats for everyone. I've heard lots of stress can induce a early or late period, as well as strenuous exercise, and I'd say withdrawing from pills is a lot of stress. If you get to bleeding heavily or get some strange pain going, ya know something out of ordinary, I wouldn't let it go too long without at least getting it checked out...(you already know that so I'll shut up! hee hee)

You sound good and positive, and that's great; allow yourself some room for not-so-great times and frustration, and all out falling apart too. You're flu will pass and you'll feel better. For me, the psychological part screws with ya the longest, and that's where the 'robbing a pharmacy' feelings STILL come into play with me sometimes...because I know what a good buzz pain pills are, and sometimes reality just doesn't seem quite as appealing as getting wired off pain pills. I swear after 5 months I still think about them, and I HATE that. I went and seen my doctor about that, and he put me on Welbutrin and I think(?) its helping, but I wonder if thats just me psyching myself into thinking it is working, just cause I'm taking a pill every day. Its like a sad permanent disadvantage for the rest of my life, from being a pill addict.

"I will make it through this with help from my boyfriend and also visiting this board. I just keep telling myself, "it's the flu, it'll go away in a few days just like the flu does"." PrincessofPink,2005

Oh, I wanted to ask you too, where is this Ozark Guidance? I live near the Ozarks, and I was wondering where it was, or where its close to? Email me if you need to...

WS

[PrincessofPink]

Day 3 and I'm still alive, well physically anyways...I am having to like live next to the bathroom and it's driving me crazy. I can handle the sweating and stuff, it's just the bathroom business that bothers me...I'm afraid to be more than 20ft from the bathroom. UGH!!! I am kinda dizzy and real weak tonight so I can not post much but I will answer about Ozark Guidance. They are all over Northwest Arkansas as far as I know, their website is www.ozarkguidance.org and they have a location tracker on that site I believe. Even if there's not one near you, there is a lot of helpful info on the site for us all to use. Sorry guys, I just don't feel like being the windbag tonight (yay for some of ya'll huh? lol) Have a wonderful night and a beautiful Sunday. Steph

[clayzy]

I have posted before,not too long ago actually..I was starting to withdrawl awhile back,and finally came clean to everyone,including doc..Well thats when he tried to wean me..I thought it was working,but it wasnt..So when those pills were done,I found where hubby hid the bottle..Believe me,he tried his hardest to hide them,but a desperate person like me found a way to get what I wanted..I tried to stick to the weaning schedule,but soon I was back to my old ways..I would take a Hydrocodone,and then an hour later,take another one..I had built up such a tolerance that I felt thats what I had to do...Well last night was my last pill..I tried to get one from hubby,he started to get angry because he didnt realize I had been sneaking them..Once the initial anger wore off,he called my doc,who is now prescribing compezine for the vomiting and serax for the anxiety related to withdrawl symptoms..I only took one dose so far,and nothing yet..I cant go through this horror all over again,I want a Hydro so bad,but I know now that no one is going to help me get any.So now the struggle begins again..I mentioned the suboxone to doc,but he didnt know much about it..I followed the link listed on one of the posts and found a list of docs near me who do it,but none accept the insurance I have..Well,my doc said if I cant get anywhere ,that I should try Clonodine(or something like that,I forget now)..But wanted to see how the other meds work first....God I hope they start working,because the restless legs are back again and the burning has started...And now,the headaches(which is why I started the Hydro in first place) are back and worse than ever...I dont know how I am gonna make it through this..But I have a daughter and a husband who need me and love me..So not only do I have to do this for me,I have to do it for them...Thanks to anyone who listens to my ramblings.And good luck to anyone going through this.

[sydsmom]

Hi all, this is my first post & I just thought I would give my input on this subject. First of all I have seen so many people go the methadone route and end up with a worse problem. Buprenorphine(suboxone) does work well to combat withdrawl, but I have seen many people revert back to their pill of choice when the therapy is done.

I think you almost have to feel SOME discomfort in order to have another good reason to not go back.

What I find to be the best way is to use low doses of clonidine (blood pressure med, so keep the dose low)This will keep the sweats away, then use an over the counter anti-nausea med, Immodium for loose stool, & taking ultram at 100mg(2 pills) every 6 hours. Only use the ultram for 1 week so that you don't end up dependant on that as well.

With this method, the withdrawl is still there but completely tolerable.

[Cate]

Hi everyone. I am coming to the realization that I am most likely addicted to percoset. I don't have a perscription for much of it (5/325), but I find that now that my pain is gone, I have a new pain - withdrawl. I have panic attacks in the morning if I am even running low on the meds, totally fall into a pit if I am out while I wait for my doctor to call in yet another 30 pills. I know that this is small beans in comparison to some of the folks out there taking 20 plus pills every day, and if I feel this bad with the small amount I take now, I truly feel for everyone out there who is going through this. My sister is recovering from an oxycontin addiction and has been given methadone from her doc, but I am nervous about asking for something like that. First off, it makes me feel like a total failure, and second, it seems to me that it is a replacement for the current addiction that I have. I am really frightened about withdrawl when I finally get up the courage to stop filling my script, and just am looking for whatever encouragement, support, advise, etc I can find. I was terribly sad this morning when I made a call to the methadone clinic in my city, and they told me that they didn't think I was an addict. Believe me, if I wanted to make something up, I surely don't think it would be withdrawl symptoms (diarreha, anxiety, sweats, panic attacks, appetite loss). I had thought surely they would help, but instead they told me to talk to my OB who prescribed these in the first place - I already did that, and he told me it was unlikely I would be addicted. Somehow, I think he might be incorrect. Thank you to anyone who has any advise.

[mpvt]

Hi Cate: Your at a dangerous point in your drug abuse..If you continue to abuse then you will be one of the people who takes 10-20 a day.Believe me when I tell you that it doesn't matter how many you take or when ect.What you have to look at is, is this drug controlling me and I think in your case it's starting to.Jump off this crazy train ride now Cate while you still can.Get to your doctor and get on a anti-depressant.When you use opiates you stop producing your own endorphins.When you stop using the opiates it takes a while to start producing the endorphins again and that's why I suggested you take a anti-depressant for a while.Please give this up or your in for the worst nightmare you can think of or worse,death......Dave

[CarreraMan]

Cate
I'm not going to attempt to convince that you are not addicted to Percocet. I'm quite sure that the withdraws you are feeling are very real. No one can say how long or severe a persons withdraws from a narcotic will be from one individual to another. It is true however that the more narcotics you take, and the longer you take them, the more severe the withdraws will be once you decide to stop.

The good news for you of course is that you are currently taking a small dose. Can you tell me how long you have been able to go without taking any Percocets? If it's only been for two or three days then you were most likely through the worst part of the physical withdraws. Percocet will usually stay in your system for about three days. The withdraws will probably last a week to two weeks for you if I were to guess. Since you are taking a low dose, I wouldn't think it would help too much to tapper off slowly. It would prolong the withdraws. I was taking about 240mg of oxycontin per day for almost two years. The equivalent to 48 Percocets (5/325) per day of oxycodone. Even though I was taking them for pain, it became a real problem for me. I am now on day 20 of NO MEDS. If I sound like I'm patting myself on the back it's because I am. I do still have pain but I think I will be able to handle it now without pain meds. The withdraws would have been much easier for me if I was able to take a week off. I run a rather large company and did not have that luxury. Believe me that first week sucked bad. But the second week was much better and now after almost three weeks I almost feel normal again. I have my weight and energy level back up and can now look back and say I beat it.

You will have to take it one day at a time when you decide to stop taking the Percocets. I would strongly discourage you to stay away from any withdraw meds in your case. They will be worse than what you are currently taking. If you can take a week off I would suggest that you start your withdraws then. You will have to give it at least a week before you start feeling better again. I welcome you to email me or post here daily with your progress. I think you will find that you will recieve much support here as you beat this demon.

I know you can do it and I give you my support.

I would wish you good luck but this doesn't have anything to do with luck. You are in complete control.

CarreraMan

[clayzy]

Well my last Hydro was on Sunday night and the withdrawl has not gone away..I didnt get addicted overnight and I guess I am being selfish for wanting the horror of the withdrawl to go away so quickly..The compazine has definitely worked for my stomach.I have not vomited since Monday morning.Which is good compared to the last time I went through this...But the serax has not been helping ..My arms and legs are still burning and restless..So now I am waiting for doc to call back to see if I should start the Clonodine..He said to wait on that until I found out about an outpatient program..Well none of them take my insurance..I had wanted to try the suboxone due to what I had read on these boards,but as I said,not covered...So now I sit and wait..Im sure I dont have to tell anyone that the restless legs is not fun at all..I think I have slept a total of 5 hours since Monday and barely eaten a thing since then either...But I still say its not as bad as last time..I just wish I had more energy.I feel like I am just dragging around.And I struggle to put on a happy face for my daughter..She is truly the best.Showering me with hugs,kisses and telling me how much she loves me and wants me to get better soon...That is my biggest motivation..That and the fact that because of me taking all my husbands pills,he is now in pain because he cant refill yet..I feel awful that he has to suffer because of me..As angry as he was,he has still been so supportive.I love the both of them so much for being by my side during this...Just hope the worst is over..Well thanks again to anyone who listened.

[Cate]

Thank you to the two folks that responded to my post today. Believe me when I say that it helps just knowing that people are listening to me. As soon as I knew that I was in trouble (emotionally), I went right to the Dr who was prescribing these, and he did put me right on Zoloft, so I have given that time to start working, as I have been on it before, and it does help. At first though, I had thought I was suffering from post partum depression, and even asked the Doc if the percs might be contributing to my depression, and he indicated that it was unlikely. Well, I can't say that I agree with him. I brought this us with my husband as well, and he is being a wonderful support. Today I put together am excel spreadsheet and am documenting the times I am taking the pills, and plan (at least at this point) to decrease each day. I am sure this will be a challenge, and don't anticipate anything easy about it at this point. I am still in pain, but I would MUCH prefer to use something like advil at this point, and get this awful narcotic out of my system for good. I am forcing myself to eat, as I really, truly lack the desire to eat anything. I feel like I have nothing I should be complaining about, especially since so many other people have been on narcotics for so much longer than I have, and have taken higher doses, but I guess that just goes to show that even the smallest dose can grab you. I should have known better. My mother is a recovering alcoholic, and my sister is using methadone to curb her oc habit,and although they live clear on the other side of the country from me, we are apparently closer than we thought.

Now that I have gone off on my little rant, I hope that I am able to be of some help to someone on this message board as well. Although I feel like the only one I might be able to help at this point is myself, I know that will change, and I will be able to be there to help someone else too. I know that I can get through this, and I agree with the person who posted before me. It would be nice if there were a quick fix for the big mess we get ourselves into, but I guess that is a greedy thought[:I] Thank you to everyone for your thoughts.

[Cate]

Well, I am able to take this next week off from work, so I can't think of a better time to drop off this terrible bandwagon. I am not really sure how best to go about this, but since my daughter will be in daycare, I will have the house to myself (though my husband will likely work from home to be here for me). If anyone has any suggestions on how to get through the days, let me know. I am thinking that some chamomile tea and benedryl to try and sleep through some of this might be a good idea. I am going to see an addiction specialist, but they can't see me until Thursday, but I do not want to wait until then to start quitting. I just can't believe I still have withdrawl even with the small amount I have been taking! That is not something I had expected at all. Thank you everyone for listening and for being such a support to me, and everyone else on here.

[nitetripper]

hello everyone... im sooo glad i found this message board so we can all share our experience strength and hope ...i was clean and sober and in AA for 16 years ... i was even off ciggs, one night after being sore from working out, i took two lortabs and a hot bath... ill never forget the feeling of euphoria i had while i was in the tub... well.. that was almost three years ago and i worked my way up to 20 tabs a day . i got to the point where that was just to feel normal. in may i want to a detox and they put me on chlonadin patch , phenabarb and robaxin, wasnt doing to bad but i could only afford the one week , cause i dont have health insurance the next week at home, was , well the only way i can describe it is HELL , it was like the worst case of the flu along with the mental and emotional anguish i was even sneaking cough syrup to take the edge off..i lasted two more weeks and got back on the pills... i just got so sick and tired of being sick... the fatigue, the runs, crying all the time , no sleep.. ironically i never got a prescription for pills, always from friends and co- workers and cost has ruined me financially, i went to my doc, and he gave me 28tabs 7.5, for the first week to wean me off... so far so good , he also got me on prozac for the depression and adavan for the anxiety and i ratholed some xanex so i can sleep..im cuttin back a little more each day and im back going to AA/NA meetings which altogether seem to be helping, im laid off now and i can cocentrate on getting myself well..cutting back is sooooo hard .i mark it all down on the callender.. how many and what times but i still cant function without pills .. its very scary..i dread the withdrawls more then the fear of death itself. at least im not drinking alcohol which when combined with the pills sent me to the psych ward TWICE !when i have the pills in my possion its sooo easy to say " what the hell" and take another one or two inaddion to my weaning schedual... i hate these pills and the controll they have over my life .. and getting completely clean .. seems like it gonna be a long ways away..im just taking it a day at a time and doing the best i can... thanks for listing...i pray for all of you who are in this awefull situation

[Cate]

Hey Nitetripper

I know what you mean about wanting to say "what the hell" and take another pill or two. It is easy to doo. They seem to call to you. What I have done to try and avoid that is to do something to keep me busy while waiting for my next "APPROPRIATE" pill dose. Take a shower or bath, and make it a LONG one. Bring in a book and some music, and some relaxing tea. I am trying to extend the time between pills that way, and although I am only on day 2 of my cutback and trying to wean off, I won't lie and say it is easy. These effing pills are all that I think about it seems. I wake up and go to bed thinking about them. BUT, one day at a time, I am getting there, and you will too, if you really commit to it and want to be clean. We definately are in control, not these stupid piece of $h*t pills, regardless of why we are on them in the first place. I don't care if you are an addict who wanted to just get more pills and never had pain, or if you started out with pain, and ended up hooked. Nonetheless, we ALL are in control, and we can all beat this thing. Thank you for listening, and thank you for your help, everyone out there. Today is a new day.

[nitetripper]

thanks cate for the tips and words of encouragement... btw if anyone has msn instant messenger we can chat.. my email is ...redbud77@hotmail.com and your all welcome to put me on your contact list ..one of us may be up at 3 in the morning when were realy hurting and it would be helpfull to chat with someone . we can invite other members who are on line and have a little chat room [8D]i think any contact with people who understand , would indeed be helpfull..........................thanks tripper

[Cate]

Ok, today is a rougher day than I had anticipated. Any idea when the anxiety will start to subside? I feel miserable,and I have not even gone cold turkey. I have just dropped back down to the actual prescripted dose (the one I should have never veered away from in the first place). I feel like I am having an unending panic attack. I can handle the bad stomach and the nausea, but this anxiety is what is the worst for me. I am already on Zoloft, and have Xanax if need be, but that is another controlled substance that, if I can, I want to avoid the best I can... I also have clonopin for when I fly on planes (not so good with that), but again, want to save that for a REAL, 100% emergency. Any help would be great!

[Cate]

By the way, I can be found on MSN messenger as well at catesemail1@hotmail.com

Anyone is welcome to message me, always can use the support, and I am on the computer a lot of the time. Thanks to everyone!

[Iamfree]

Hello,
I am so happy to have found this site. Although, I must say it would have been even more helpful almost two years ago. I am a former pain pill addict. I have been clean for 1 year, 8 months and 16 days. And it feels so good to be free from that horrific cyclical nightmare! I had gotten so bad that I was up to 80 pills a day! (No ****!) I abused Vicodin the most, but my drug of choice was Percocet. I just couldn't get those as much as I would have liked.

It began innocently enough. I had a vast amount of extremely painful scar tissue surrounding all of my inner reproductive organs from C-sections that only laying down relieved the pain. However, being a divorced mother of three very active sons with a father who successfully dodges his child support obligations, laying down was not an option. Hence, I was given pain pills before, during and after 3 additional surgeries. It didn't take long before I realized "my little healers" as I called them back then, provided more than relief from pain. Being quite depressed due to my unfortunate circumstances, the euphoric state I recieved from their ingestation was more than welcomed.

However, after going through $9,000 of my retirement fund and catching myself in the mirror while down on my hands and knees sucking up a handful that my stomach had rejected, I knew it was past due for me to get help.

I tried Detox twice, but was right back on within 24 hours of being released. Rehab wasn't an option with three sons and no support system. My final plan which should have been my first, was to get on my handds and knees and ask our Creator for HELP! So I did. And I soon learned of a program that combined 5 hours of weekly counseling sessions with Suboxone treatment. I began the regiment and have been clean ever since. I have even had minor but quite painful oral surgery that required the use of Vicodin. I took it correctly for
three days and have had no problems. And where some patients have become addicted to the Suboxone, I have not. I had to initially take the hihgest dosage due to the staggering amount of Vicodin I was taking, however, I am now at the point where I go days without taking it. In fact I usually only take it if I have pain of any sort.

It has been a totally up hill battle. Going through wihtdrawal was the worst thing I haveever been through including three C-sections but one I am happy to say I am winning.

The one bit of advice I would like to give is that I do beleive in NA and AA Programs but I do not believe in continually affirming that I am an addict, as I believe you are what you affirm yourself to be. And I affirm that I am Drug Free! I hope my story has been an inspiration for someone! It does take hard work and support but YOU can beat this!

Look for my book. It will be out soon. I will put my screen name below the synopsis on the back cover so you will all know who I am.
I am dedicating every bit of my spare time to helping others to beat this type of addiction! It has become my Life's Ministry!

God Bless You All!

[Bennie84]

Ok, I'm ready... If anyone knows from my last post then you will know what I am talkin about. But for anyone who hasn't then im sure you can come to the conclusion of what I mean. Please pray for me, those of you who believe. I plan to take 3 loratabs, and then im done. I have a calender, which I've never kept one before, and I plan to X out the days that I've been free from this prison. These pills control my life. I can't even function properly without them. I am a firm believer of self decipline and control, so I can't have it anymore. Too much time has gone by, and too many times have I said, "I'm gonna quit soon" and "I'll get around to it when I'm ready". I'll never be ready if I keep this up, so I am taking action now, I cannot go back to this world of false reality. I've survived 18 years of my life without them and managed to be happy, so I can survive the rest of my life without them. It's truely amazing how just ONE year of taking these things can truely change your life. I know I'm gonna feel like hell, but I may just down a beer or two to take the edge off, even though I really hate alcohol. But odds are I'll go cold turkey. I was man enough to get myself into this mess, so like my father said, I'd better be man enough to take the consequences and get myself out. Good luckto all of you who are taking this big step with me. Anyone may email me at Ben.Nguyen@Sincerefinancial.com or chat with me on AOL-veitben , Yahoo-niceaznguy2001. Thank you everyone for all you have done. I truely belive that if I haddn't found this site, I wouldn't be quitting now, and it would have been much longer before I quit. Thanks again everyone, Good Luck and most sincerely, God Bless you all.

[mpvt]

Good for you Ben!!By the sound of your post I believe that you can kick this devil in the ass.Your going to feel lousy for 5-7 days but if you can go out and get some imodium ad and drink alot of water.After the 5-7 days your going to notice a light at the end of the tunnel.Be careful after a couple of weeks clean that you don't talk yourself in to thinking that you can take a couple of pills recreationally.That is one of the worst mistakes you can make.Let us know everyday how your doing.I know you can do this by the posts you've left and if you know me at all from my hundreds of posts I don't usually support cold turkey detox but you sound as though you may be able to pull it off.You have only been on them for a year and that will make it a little easier.Do it now because you've really just started to feel the pressures of addiction.Good luck to you and hang in there.Remember there are people here that are behind you 100% and alot of them have been through it.So don't bee afraid to ask for help.......Dave

[smilemore]

Okay I've been reading this website for months now, just horrified that someone in my family or someone close to me will read it and find out whats going on.

I have been taking pain pills since one of my best friends had surgery on his leg. He gave me Percocet (5/325) and I remember it was the best feeling I had ever felt from a drug. It was a warm fuzzy feeling, a feeling like I could do anything. We would always hang out and take them together. Then I started to want 2 pills instead of one - and he gave them to me. I was only taking them for recreational uses, a pill here and there.

Then I was in class one day and I was telling my other friend about these pills. She said that her mom takes them for gastric bypass surgery. She had Percocet (5/325) Hydrocodone (7.5/750). I began to buy these from her $5 for the Percocet and $2 for the Hydrocodone. I would take them for headaches and in school to help me concentrate. They seemed to level out my mood and help me do better in school. I felt like I could do ANYTHING on them. My grades improved and I felt like everything would be okay. Then my friend told me that I had bought her out and that her mom was starting to ask her where the pills where going, so that source was cut off. I would still say at this point I wasn't addicted.

Then I found another source. Another friend of mine said that he had Percocet (5/325). So whenever he had them I would buy all of them that he had. But one day he screwed me over and sold me Soma(350) for $9 a pill, claiming they were Percocet(10/500). I was ROYALLY pissed off after looking them up online. So I called him and pretty much screwed up that connection.

Not much later after this my sister's fiance met a girl that was prescribed Hydrocodone (7.5/ 750), Oxycodone Immediate Release(15mgs), and Oxycontin (20mgs). A steady constant source. I would buy 10 of the hydrocodones and 5 oxycodones, and 5 oxycontins. Which brings me to today. Im sitting here staring at the rest of my pills, which is 2 oxycodones. Im only 18 years old and I've gotten myself in over my head.

I cant get up in the morning and not take a pill. I'm VERY edgy and have NO confidence in myself without them. I take 2-3 at work and even more when I'm home by myself. I dont know what to do. I cant remember life without pills. I dont know if I'm ready for life without them. I'm very scared. If anyone can help me please respond. Im lost.

to smiling without pills

[Bennie84]

well smilemore,

you can do it man, I've done it twice before...I know its hell but anyone can do it. You have to set your mind to it, and make yourself realize that you dont want the pills. What makes people feel worse during withdrawals is when they keep thinking about the pills, and how much better they would feel with them, and thats a major part of what makes the withdrawals so bad. Before I quit for the third time, which was yesterday, I was on a 80mg oxycotin run for a week...talk about a bad way to let go, but If I can do it, you can too. Make a list of why you dont want to do the pills anymore, and get a calender to mark the day you go go clean and the time you took your last pill, and start X'ing out the days as they go by. This gives you a visualization of your goals, why you want to achieve them, and how your making progress. It helps to do things to keep your mind off of them,posting on this forum to help others, work, and my favorite, video games! Video games have a way of making you lost in time with them, so you may want to try that. Brisk walks are good. take vitamins and keep your energy up with healthy foods. I find junk food only makes me want the pills. Eating healthy foods, like fruits and foods that really make you feel good after (you know the ones that I mean!! Im not crazy!. These foods boost your energy and make you feel better all around. Also I dont know about anyone else, but STAY AWAY FROM THE COFFEE. It jitters you and really makes you want the pills. Get the mental image of the pills rotting your body away, a toxin that must be removed from your body, and imagine the withdrawals as your body healing itself. Take them and be happy knowing that your body will be free of these toxins and is going to be much healthier afterwards. When you watch t.v. and you see those happy people on the commercials, you gotta believe that if they can be happy and they arent on the pills, then you can be too. Try to remember how happy you were before you took them, how you WERE mentally. For me it started to become faded...but im holding on to that image, and I know that it will one day be me again, WITHOUT the pills. I hope this helps you man, and good luck, but most of all, God Bless. Thanks all for your support! IF anyone else has any tips to cope with the withdrawals without taking more meds, i think thats what alot of people want to know.

DAY ONE FREE

[Bennie84]

Wow, usually not a day goes by without anyone posting something! But anyways, just wanted ta update u guys as to my progress. Last night was hell trying to sleep, but I pulled it off. The edgyness feeling lasted through today, so I took a nap as soon as I got home from my company meeting. I just woke up, I'm a little edgy, but nothing like I was earlier today or last night. I think the worst is over, if not tomorrow will be the worst day. In any case, I'm ready for it. I'm actually feeling halfway decent right now. I kinda feel like a grumpy old man. The temper almost got outta hand today, but the reciever deserved it. They were warned before I was getting off, and even right when I was gettin Po'ed that I was getting aggrivated. And yet they pushed so I was happy to vent a lil, not too much though. But hey, it cant be a perfect wd, can it?

DAY TWO FREE

[smcnick]

hi there. my name is stephanie and i am a very concerned daughter. my father, to no fault of his own has become addicted to methedone after seeing a pain clinic in cranberry in pa. this doctor kept priscribing him medicine after medicine every time he would see him without even allowing a time lapse between each medication switch to allow his body to recover from what was given before. eventually he got methedone from this doctor and just kept upping the dosage. to no avail the pain never stopped and the addiction began. he has extreme nerve damage along with multiple broken back pain. he also suffers from panic attacks orginally. since the addiction they got worse. he has been going thru detoxing for at least 3 wks. now and the withdrawl just keeps getting worse. mind you he is dealing with my mother, an extreme alchoholic who is mentally and physically abusive. him and i are extremlly close spritually.(not christian or catholic)he, at this point, is so fearful of tring to seek help from a hospital because he's afraid he'll get locked up in a padded room. he also suffers from post truamatic stress dissorder. he is vomiting, shaking, having extreme panic, can barley move or sleep.....pretty much the most intense withdrawl you could imagine in your worst nightmares. does anyone out there seem to have any suggestions or ideas????? he won't leave the house to come to mine either. i don't have a.c. and he does and claims that he can't even leave his room without vomiting because of the heat. please help. has anyone ever gone thru anything like this???[V]

[Bennie84]

Well Stephanie, you can rest assured that he won't be locked up in a padded room. They just don't do that to people who are trying to quit. Usually if he goes to his doctor and asks about detoxing, they may prescribe subutox (i think thats the name). IT's non-addictive and I hear it works complete wonders. No withdrawals, nothing. However for us poor people, such as myself who does not have and cannot afford a doctor, I went cold turkey. This is my third day so far. And yes all those symtoms that your father is going through can be expected and are to say the least, normal. Withdrawals tend to go uphill, as in getting worse, then they finally go back downhill. Is your father going cold turkey? Or is he lowering his dosage and tapering down?

As for Doggy,
Like I said, I'm going cold turkey for the third and final time, I hope. Your friend's symtoms are completely normal for withdrawals. Depending on how long she has been using them, the worst part is over with in aobut 3-5 days. You can expect to feel bad for up to two weeks, but no where near the first week. After about the 5th day the mental battle will begin. She can't take one, not one or the cycle all starts over again. Shell start taking more and more and then before she knows it shes gonna have to face the withdrawals again. This being my third day I find that sleep is coming a little easier, im not as irritative as I was yesterday, but still irritative. After two weeks, you'll feel no pain whatsoever, just mental pain, craving them an all. After a Month, your mental craving will diminish so that youll think of them less. Shell prolly even notice that she went a whole day without thinking of them from time to time. Then as month two rolls by, shell feel great. She'll start seeing the pills as a recreational thing (which its not! So don't fall into that trap) instead of something that she needs and must have. About 6 months later if she's not around them she'll hardly ever think of them. Unfortunately for me my mother takes them on a daily basis, so I gotta be extra strong. Good luck to the both of you, and God Bless.

[Bennie84]

Oops, you can scratch out the doggy statement, I was fooled into thinking that it was posted today. It was actually posted today, LAST YEAR...oopsie. But anyone is definitely free to read for help:P

[smcnick]

thank you for responding bennie. he started weaning himself off before. he is actually very good at that. if he ever notice himself feeling close to really needing any medication he was on he would instantly start lessening the dosage he would take daily. but he's been on the methedone for at least a year to year and a half. so i'm sure this was harder to deal with, ecspecially when the doctor just decided to stop him on this all together on his last visit there. so he was only given enough to last him for a month. his tolerance was high to begin with even when he was a little boy. it runs in his family. so he always needed double what you or i would need so his body is recovering from twice as much as we would. at this point he has been cold turkey for the past 3 wks. i just think with all his mental problems and having an alchoholic who beats you down with every word or hit is just taking his moral to an all new low. i just got done emailing western psych. in the hopes that i can either recieve info. or a referal to someone who can help him. i know that he will not get locked up or anything like that. that is not how the procedure works. i just think he is so lost right now and so afraid of going to yet another psychologist or psychiatrist that will treat him like a number and just try to hand of pills like so many times before. i've never met someone with worse luck with doctors than him.