[hatelove percs]

wow, i completed one whole post without complaining, how unusual for me. i am tired but wired. how really strange. it must be a full moon. i feel like a wet noodle but i also feel like i want to get up and DO SOMETHING. anything. of course there is not a thing to do. i tried to call the boyfriend, but i haven't heard from him in three days. i believe he has fallen off the wagon. i will wait for him to tell me though. he has had life long addiction problems with just about every illegal substance there is known to man. he lost everything to it: house, wife, job, kid, sanity, freedom, u name it, he has lost it. he does quite well but will always relapse now and again and pick himself up, dust himself off, start driving two hours three times a week to meetings again. i truly have never seen a person so determined as he is, and it just kills me to see it. he tells me what is like to be crying driving to a hook up, not wanting to go, but having to. i used to think i was better than him. now i know i am not.

[hatelove percs]

ummmmm i want a red one...TAMM, convertible please? not that i'm picky or anything. ahem.....we don't want you to go to bed. we want to talk........[]hey, who is morticia? i guess that was before i got on here? and who is those two other people that were meanies?

[Baby Steps]

What a humble thing to say perky! I'm with you... I'm tired but feel like I need to be doing something. I have a question... you always mention you live in the boondocks and now your talking about your bf having to drive 2 freakin hours to go to a meeting... Are you like that far out of a town? Is his connection closer than the na meeting? I just feel so awful for him. I hope for him he didn't fall off because it sounds like you really care a lot about him. Let me know.

Tamm.... hmmm color huh? I'll take fire engine red! lol you're so cute!

I can't believe I'm at 3 weeks... It feels like 3 freakin YEARS!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[tamara02]

Hey you guys,You sure you really want Red,Did you know a red car gets more tickets and pulled over more often,also Red cars are the no.1 car that people steal,Im gonna go pee and I'll be back ,ya'll are so silly tonite ,well better to laugh than cry,lol,Tamm PS Lori you remember morticia our bud,she fit right in perfectly,the other 2 are abbey and arlewna,she's over at Herion-detox.com ,they have a methadone site and a sub site ,all kinds of interesting tidbits,But arlewna is a know it all and kind of rude,gotta go tinkle,be back,boy all the Guys must be watching tv or doing something else,hee-hee,well I miss our big strong men on this board,don't you guys??Tamm

[tamara02]

Lori h/l Im baaack!!!!!where are you guys? did ya'll have to tinkle ,too,lol Tamm

[Baby Steps]

Hey Tamm... yeah I remember Mort. It was really sad that she left because of that rude drama. What has she been up to? She's on sub right? OR DID SHE WEAN OFF. i REMEMBER they were razzing her for claiming clean time on sub. So ridiculous!

Anyway... Girl... red or black or invisible... I get pulled over anyway!!! LOL Nothing helps. At least I'll look hot! LOL



Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[lyds]

I am getting ready to hop into bed. It's been a draining day. Taxes and all that jazz. Sometimes I'd rather take a beating than have my taxes done!

Let me share a story. You all know, or maybe you don't, but I did mention it before, that my husband takes MS-Contin for his back. He is very disciplined. Nothing like me. He'll skip appointments w/ his pain management doctor because he still has the majority of his pills left. Anyhoo, he gets home from work before I do so I called this afternoon to check on him. He was talking to me and his speech was ever so slightly slurred. I knew IMMEDIATELY that his back was bothering him and he had taken some MS-Contin. Funny thing about that? While I was using, I never, ever noticed slurred speech. Probably because MINE was so flipping slurred and it sounded normal to me! .....Not a life altering story. Just something I wanted to share.

Babysteps: You are awesome. I so love reading your posts. You are always so upbeat. I hate that you are dealing with a hard time right now. I really am.

Tamm: I don't think I am going anywhere right now. I like popping in on ya'll. Oh, and it's okay that you're a little "kooky" and having fun. Trust me, once I get to know people I am pretty nutty myself!

Hate/Love: Just wanted to say hang in there, girl. I know you've been having a hard time, too.

I didn't exercise tonight, but it's okay. I've already exercised 3 times this week and I like to get in at least 4, so I'll get it tomorrow. By the time we got in from dinner and running around it was too late. And, I just had to pop on here!

Has anyone else lost weight once they quit using? I have lost close to 8 pounds since I quit. I figured once I got my appetite back I'd start gaining weight back, but I haven't and my appetite has returned.

Well, I was just a little too chatty this evening. Have a great night, everyone. If I am MIA this weekend, I pray your weekend is blessed!

[tamara02]

Hi,Guess what ,I got weighed at the doc's today .I lost 4lbs,I can't believe it,probably cause I was sick all week,,Lyds your a doll yourself....Babysteps,,,,,mort was on the methadone,and they were giving her a hard time abt not really being clean.. and H/L you were looking for that PAWS thing go to Heroin-detox.com its there.Would you guys believe I need to run out to the conveinent store to get some ciggs,isn't that awful,I have one left and I have a feeling I'll be up a while,lil rugrat is wide awake,he slept in late today while I was at the dr.office.Tammbe right back...

[tamara02]

Nite nite Lyds,Ok H/L where did you go????babysteps ,she's probably cleaning her house,wish I had the time and energy,I cheated anhired a housekeeper,lol Tamm

[Baby Steps]

Awe Thank you LYDS! I appreciate your kind words. As for the weight thing... Yep... I lost much more weight than I could afford and I'm trying so hard to get it back. Living alone I find I just don't eat like I would if I were feeding a family. I guess you could call it freedom however I don't excerize and never have because I've always been active physically ie softball, volleyball etc... I couldn't even imagine standing at home plate and batting a ball right now because "I'd Have To Run!!!" LOL I really hope you have a wonderful weekend and I'm extremely proud of your clean time especially with all that MS Contin in your house... I'm afraid I wouldn't have the willpower. Good Job!!!

Sweet Dreams!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[hatelove percs]

hey all. LYDS: i seem to lose weight when i stop using. that is a super plus! BABYSTEPS: while there is no shortage of methamphetamine in this town for sure, his doc is cocaine so he has to go two hours for it also. i am to darn lazy for that so i sure would not have a problem with that! i rather put a loaded gun to my head than put meth in my body with all that draino and such in it, teeth falling out and such. blechhhhh[xx(]but i mean no offense to those with that problem, of course. it is truly horrible round here. i'm sure my liver is not a pleasant sight at this time either! hopefully i can nurse it back to health eventually.

[Baby Steps]

Oh Tamm...That's right, I thought it was sub but your right it was methadone. It's just been so long. Girl... you need to buy those cigs by the carton! You have to get a pack every day... save your gas for 10 days! LOL And the extra money you end up spending because your there that you wouldn't have spent otherwise... LOL

Love ya girly!!! How do you do it with a 4 yr old? Good Job!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[Baby Steps]

Hey HL... I'm with you... I agree!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

What I mean is... I've never done drugs outside of the pain meds I was on except for some younger experiments on a couple of drugs and cocaine was one of them (the one time I tried it) made me ill.

[ComingHome]

Lyds, I have my eye on you. I'm proud of what you have been doing lately. I know I don't have clean time right now, but at one time I had many months, and I know a lot about recovery - just can't apply it at the moment. At first it was tough going through the ups and downs without my "little helpers." It became easier with time and practice though. Those ups and downs are called life! LOL Plain and simple, that is just the way it is. But, when we rely on painkillers to get us through life, we become much less able to handle it - the old phrase "use it or lose it applies." The good news is that it gets better. It gets a whole lot better! Myself, I will get there again. I'm just not ready yet. One day I will be ready though, and then I will face up to life on life's terms as it comes.

Baby Steps, keep on doing the deal!

Kai, you are my current hero. I know exactly where you are right now. I've been there buddy, and I am pulling for you. Keep up the awesome work!

Coming Home

There is ALWAYS hope

[Baby Steps]

Thanks Coming Home! I will be right on the sidelines rooting for you when your ready!!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[hatelove percs]

my computer is so slow tonite it acts like it is in w/d! TAMM i sent u some pics that i sent to b-steps the other day. i am trying to wean my dog from sleeping w/me by putting her in the room next to me. it is terrible as she barks and cries like a big 65 lb baby. she wants to sleep across the whole bed and i am getting a back ache from trying to scoot her with my feet and not sleeping well b/c of her. she just won't share. i took all her bones and toys in there on the other bed and she is quiet for now, probably chewing something up. now that the weather is cold and she can't go out much it is like having an actual toddler around. she will not leave me for one second and is always right behind me. i love her so much but it kind of is getting a bit overwhelming and i really need a break from her exuberance and constant attention. i am lucky to have such a sweety though. hey hows the puppies TAMM? pretty soon u r gonna have a whole bunch following you around. lol. i sure hope u feel better tomorrow B-STEPS. maybe u r coming down w/something. i need to pay my bills so bad!! i have had a check in my purse for a week and just now deposited it. i have not paid anything for the first of month! it seems so overwhelming. i have got to balance the whole check book. for the whole month i just used my debit card and shoved the receipts in my wallet!!! omg!!my daughter has one to and did the same thing and i mixed them all together!!! i am two months late on my property taxes due to laziness. this is so awful b/c i have money i just don't have the energy to deal with all of it. i absolutely must tomorrow. it is gonna cost so much in late fees and i don't even care.[V]how bad is that?

[tom316]

UNCLENASTY- Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.Methadone sucks.What you're using now is about the only thing I haven't.So I really don't know a whole lot about it.I think that you shouldn't go the methadone route.I don't know your addiction history but I'll tell you what I had seen at the clinic. People that had been on that stuff for 20 years and couldn't get off of it.The clinic is only there to make money.NOT TO HELP YOU!What methadone did to me was stone me the first few times I went up 10 mgs then nothing.No cravings but I still wasn't me.I feel that it caused me to go into a deep depression and then a suicide attempt with 64 sleeping pills that I took on dec.7,2006.Someone's watching over me.this may sound funny but forget having a sex drive.I had no desire at all.I was like a zombie when it came to that part of my life.If you are ready to quit put it all down and walk away.Find something in your life that is worth living for.If you don't quit you're going to lose everything that you hold close to your heart.It's not will power that will make you stop it's won't power.I won't do it anymore!Also all this s*it about I have to taper off isn't true.I went cold turkey from 100 mgs of methadone and I'm still here and no cravings at all.No sh*t!I feel it was my time to do it.I was tired of being a slave to pills,methadone and that life style.If I can do it so can you.If you need support I'm here dawg.I'll make sure I'm on here more if you need me to be.Remember this: If it's your time you'll do it.Anymore questions feel free to ask I don't charge for answers.lol.Hit me back on here after you read this to let me know you got it.Take it easy.

[tamara02]

Hi,Lori, hi TOM,Im back boy,its so frickin cold outside ,it hurts to breathe out your nose. There are a few stores/gas stations w/in a t least a 1 mile radius,Walmart is abt 3min away,dollar general 8 blks up the street.everything is pretty convenient around here,Weren't you talking abt .someone living way out in the boonies,maybeH/L? When I first married my 2nd husband,he wanted to get some land way out in the country,But I just don't think I could of handled it,you know nothing is convenient,no one around if you needed help,and God toooo Quiet,I like to hear a train once in a while or church bells,the tug boats go up the tennessee river,sirens,Ok I rambling on and on,Back to what I was trying to get at,Oh I forgot,No when I run to the store real quik,carson stays w/ his dad,I dont like to take him out in public to much during the cold /flu winer months,if I can help it.Hey guys the pups are piggies,they have actually grown twice there size since they were born ,lets see that was fri 19th or sat 20th of jan07( days old now,OH I know what I was going to say ,I have never mentioned abt a clean date,If you remember,I started sub on Halloween Morning,then took carson and some kids trick or treating,that was oct 31,06 Since I took My last D.O.C.I Missed them alot at first,but now at 3 months ,even earlier I don't crave them at all ,the mind is such a big part of it,I know that the sub.blocks the opiod receptors in the brain,and no matter how many hydros or percs you take ,it will do no go ,Sooo why even try,also Im just so disgusted w/what these d*a*m*n* pills do to you.,Just reak complete havoc in all espects of your life ,personal,mental,not to mention the stress they can put you in ,its just so nice that all I had to do was be in some point of withdrawal and take this med and bam w/d's stop ,no more stress,and the money ,my god 3,000.00 $ a month habit,I should be ashamed..now I pay 150.00$ a month plus the meds 4.70$ a 8-2 mg pill.the yukky part is you take it sublingually,after a while they suck!!I think My clean date should be when I am off the sub to,Just like the methadone is an opiod a very strong one ,It works great for pain,,but gets you high as he11,and if you take to much you do the nodding thing,I ashamed to say I put alot off cigg burns in my blanket or where you burn the floor.You just nod out and the cigg just dropps out of your hand ,I was on 85 mgs when i was doing that,this sub is so different,you cant tell youve taken anything at all,you just learn to feel normal,but I have read so much neg stuff abt.getting off of it on the Heroin-Detox.com,just ck,sub/bupe w/d's,Tapers etc...You really are not considered clean when you are still taking an opiod,people buy meth off the street ,just to get high,it makes you feel alot better than hydros/percs.and Taken enough you can get major f'ed up.Tamm,thanks for letting me wine alil ,I'll still buy ya'll those cars,ok? Hey lori do you get a pretty good discount ,say if you wanted to rent a suite for a couple of nites ,say in St.Augustine,Fl.My fav.old city,its beautiful,historic,,let me know if there is a marriott at Anastasia,beach or abt,10 mi,radius,thanks,Tammmy fingers are hurting from typing and my butt hurts from sitting a lot today,Tamm[:I]

[tamara02]

Hi Thomas,,,,you know ,its got to be the drugs,I have had no sex drive,since carson was born he's 4 and a half,My poor hubbie hasn't had any in atleast over a year,It is becomming a problem,and besides that Im afraid ,I;d get pregnant again,at 46,Heck No,he says oh come on you wont get pregnant,ya right,also,Like I said I have no desire,Id rather read a good book or wash my suv or tear off shingles,lolA few of my friends also say they have no desire for sex, We are abt,the same age ,its weird.my friends I am speaking of do not take to many drugs,1 loracet a day,thats abt, it,but being alil over weight,I think has alot to do w/it,too.I loved sex in my 30's ,not in my 40's,well maybe I'll make up for lost time in my 50's,lol Tamm Hey tom if you want go check out sweetchikks05 @ need to talk,guy w/crazy girlfriend,try to start at abt page ,4,5,6,7,8,keep in mind this is suppost to be a woman cussing,wild. she attacked Syd and me.take care and I am proud of you for sticking it out ,shows alot about you character.[8D] Hi COMING HOME,whenyou decide to quit you will do it,its not if its when,and you know what when you do decide to quit,youwill not relapse,cause you will finally know that this is it ,they make me sick,can't take it no more ,you will actually hate those lil DEVIL pills,Sooo don't beat your self up abt. stil using,hey ,your here for a reason,and when the time is right,you will be ready,more than ready,God Bless,Im going to say alil prayer tonite before bed for all of us,Tamm

[ladybird]

Hi all, I posted in another topic and was suggested to join y'all in here for lots of chit chat

Im an ultram popper and can't tell you how many days i have been clean, something like 4 or 5 or something. I am so tired that days fly by and I don't pay too much attention cuz all I can think about is the withdrawals.

I had a good day the other day, almost like no symptoms of non-use, and then today "BOOM" the body aches, runny nose and caugh from it etc. Including the upset stomach.

Anyway, I keep wondering when I will get past these after effects.

I gave my husband the last of my pills and he dumped them out somewhere. I found that i couldn't do it myself, I kept having the thought of "but what if i need them again". I knew i wouldn't need them, but my brain wouldn't agree.

Anyway, I have had to take benedryl for sleeping, i tried to buy sleeping pills but the pharmacy guy said it's just benedryl so take that instead, it will be cheaper lol.

But I am so wired at night, even though i am extremly tired. never been that way before.

I'm going to go for now, be back tomorrow, thanks for listening. If anyone has had problems with ultram (tramadol) please feel free to share your "after effects" of quiting with what you felt, time it lasted etc.

God bless.

[dmmt]

Ladybird-

Some people get wired from Benedryl, so you might want to try somethign else. I've found that Percogesig, over the counter at Walmart, has a slight muscle relaxer in it that helps alot. For sleep, try Calmes Forte Night. I think you can get it at the pharmacy or walmart too- if not, check a local health food place.

[Baby Steps]

Hey Lady Bird and Welcome! I am sooo sorry you are going through this! I do not have experience with Ultram but have heard enough to know that it is much like or worse than vics, percs etc. Which seems crazy to me becauase it's synthetic! Not even real but man made! You'd think if they can make something like that for pain why xan't they make something non narcotic for pain??? When I realized the morphine and the vicodens were causing me addictions I begged my doctor to give me something w/o narcotics and he suggested Ultram/Tramodol and writes me a script. So I "Thank God" look into this and find it's worse than what I was taking!!! While I was reading the side effects blah blah blah on this site I also found that I needed to start focusing on getting off of everything and learn to live with the pain. I believe the w/d for ultram is 5-7 days in the physical as the w/d is 3-5 in physical for vics and hydromorphone. So hang in there!!! This week or 2 will be well worth your freedom and you're almost there. In fact this could be the day. I will add you to my prayers and stay in here. We are all too knowing of what your going through and what mental you'll go through after. I am 3 weeks clean c/t and it wasn't easy but it wasn't as hard as I had thought... the thought of going back through that literal hell is NOT an option for me and I suffer every other day with pain.

Hey Tamm Tamm.... Of course I can get a discount... from 35.00 to 45.00 for the Ritz. You just have to let me know if you find something and I'll check into it for you.

I hope everyone is doing ok today!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[Baby Steps]

Also Lady Bird, of couse everyone is different however, I have been using Melatonin 5mg (5-6) a night and haven't had a restless night yet. I figure at the 1 month date I'll see if I can sleep on my own. It is non addictive and over the counter but Just a thought. And if you do... you prob. won't need so much cuz I've been taking melatonin since my divorce 5yrs ago. So I upped the dose to get through this.

Good Luck...

And Hey DMMT how are you??? Good advice!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[dmmt]

Hey Baby. I'm your local lurker...lol. Every now and again I speak.

[Baby Steps]

I know... I'm the same... LOL and I enjoy reading your posts! What's your story? Or do you havbe it somewhere on here that I can go read? I'd love to know. And don't be a stranger!!! [8D]

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[Baby Steps]

Hey DMMT... I found it. But I couldn't find whether you had stopped the Darvs. I also noticed good ole Not so clueless in NJ... wow brings back memories! I wonder how she's doing. I hope everything worked out for you.

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[lyds]

quote:Originally posted by ladybird

Hi all, I posted in another topic and was suggested to join y'all in here for lots of chit chat

Im an ultram popper and can't tell you how many days i have been clean, something like 4 or 5 or something. I am so tired that days fly by and I don't pay too much attention cuz all I can think about is the withdrawals.

I had a good day the other day, almost like no symptoms of non-use, and then today "BOOM" the body aches, runny nose and caugh from it etc. Including the upset stomach.

Anyway, I keep wondering when I will get past these after effects.

I gave my husband the last of my pills and he dumped them out somewhere. I found that i couldn't do it myself, I kept having the thought of "but what if i need them again". I knew i wouldn't need them, but my brain wouldn't agree.

Anyway, I have had to take benedryl for sleeping, i tried to buy sleeping pills but the pharmacy guy said it's just benedryl so take that instead, it will be cheaper lol.

But I am so wired at night, even though i am extremly tired. never been that way before.

I'm going to go for now, be back tomorrow, thanks for listening. If anyone has had problems with ultram (tramadol) please feel free to share your "after effects" of quiting with what you felt, time it lasted etc.

God bless.

Hi ladybird!

I thought I would pop in before I went grocery shopping, saw your post, and thought I'd reply!

I have been off MS-Contin since 1-20. The first 10 days are so were horrible. I got over the worst of the physical w/d after about 3 days. I still dealt with restless legs, chills, sneezing and diarrhea for awhile after the first three days, but the stuff that kept me in bed writhing in pain was over in about that time.

Now, the worst thing for me this time around (as I have been on and off and on and off for YEARS) was the emotional yo-yo. I was depressed and cried at everything. I didn't think I was ever going to stop crying. I felt like throwing in the towel constantly.

I am not telling you these things to scare you or to make you think you have no hope. First and foremost, I am telling you these things so you know you're not alone. That what you're feeling is more than likely what every one of us has felt. I am also telling you these things because right now, things are becoming so great for me! I have more and more energy every day. I have been laughing and just feeling much better overall. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I am walking straight towards it.

I pray so hard that each day gets easier for you....the people here have been an important part of my recovery. I have read and re-read their posts and then started posting myself. They are a very supportive non-judgmental group of people, let me tell you.

Blessings to us all!

Lyds

[dmmt]

I'm still using, just not as bad. I'm tapered down to about 5 a day after a binge for a few months with Percoset. I quit that and the xanax ( ****, that almost killed me!) just after christmas.

[Baby Steps]

Oh Great DMMT! I'm glad you were able to keep it under control because I know what it's like to suffer.... I'm just not good at keeping it under control so I had to quit before it killed me. So Good Job!!!! I'm so sure it's better than percs!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[hatelove percs]

hi LADYBIRD i'm glad ya came over here! we talk about all kinds of stuff. but, like i said, u can get some really good advice here. oh boy, i WANNA GO TO FLORIDA TOO DON'T U LEAVE ME HERE TAMM!!!
hope everyone woke up today feeling good. i am going to get started on these bills for real chizzle dizzle, so i'll be on later.