[tamara02]

Ny ,tell me about it ,I read it ,too,,,,Hi scared ohio ,like you said one day at atime,and less is more,brake that pill in half and take it like once in am ,then afternoon,then evening,See how it goes ,they did say to taper very slowly.Tamm Keep up the good work ,all,Tamm

[hatelove percs]

oh my gosh this has been the hardest day yet. i am so glad i flushed my ultrams this a.m.=i would even take one of them right now. i have a migraine, and my teenager is having one of her spells aka: temper tantrums from behavior problems aka: spoiled bratness which is my fault. she is seeing a therapist because of these problems and her dad passing and she is just sooooooo awful. i am making her watch Juvies tonight to see where i am going to send her. i really am. it is going to be the next step. i will not take this **** any more. i have broken tbings laying in my living room as i type. this is because i disciplined her. i turned that darn car around and took her butt home because she was being obnoxious, she slammed the door hard enough to break it, then repeatedly slammed the 1000.00 front door hard enough to break it. i went without her, came home, and there is broken candelabras around my living room floor! i took her computer, cell phone away. and she is in her room. i am really wanting to beat her right now. it is no wonder i take pills. thank god i don't have any. my best friend is a phone call away, he is a deputy and has taken her to the juvenile officer before, which is how she got the therapist, and he will take her to a week long in patient care but she will miss school and they will hold her back a year so i don't want to do that, but i just cannot take this **** any more. she hits me back, screams she wants me to die, to go to hell blah blah blah. what would you guys do?

[hatelove percs]

oh, she is 14 and in eighth grade. i know it is easy to say smack the **** out of her and send her off, but her dad died in september, and we are working with the therapist to teach her discipline. but heck, i am not going to have anything left in my house. i try to tell this therapist this and she just tells me it will get worse before better. well, heck, what about my house???? i can't keep the kid in handcuffs during the discipline process. i can't knock her out, good grief. i just can't take this any more. how am i supposed to get sober and handle this? how can i take the pain in my head with this kid?

[nymommy]

H/l ohh thats hard!...as a parent i relate..i think you have a girl, right?..they are tough!...but believe me they want discipline..they NEED it!..stay strong you are the boss (or at least let her think that)..i lost a parent at a very young age, and it CANT be an excuse for bad behavior..is the therapy helping?..keep posting and venting

[hatelove percs]

she is how carrying her enormous loads of laundry up from downstairs and HANGING THEM UP IN HER CLOSET!!!!!!!!!!!! she fixed the candelabra (well, as best she could) and she came and hugged me and told me she was sorry for saying she wished i would die and go to hell. i am trying to explain to her that while i was watching my mom die in the hospital every single time i ever said i hated her kept running through my mind, and that same thing is going to happen to her, and i just don't want her to go through the pain i went through because i was such a ****py teenager and i constantly regret every thing i ever did or said to my mom and it does really hurt when they die and you cannot take it back no matter how bad you want to. all you can do is hope they can hear you from heaven. i know she doesnt mean it, but she will regret it and be miserable one day. anyhoo, i had a mini nervous breakdown.[V]i called and left a message with her therapist cause she told me to call her next time she had a fit. i refrained from calling my friend cause he just gets really upset.he thinks of her like a daughter because he saved her from a hit and run driver when she was little, thats how we met him, and i do not want her to hate him.KIDS ARE THE EPITOME OF EVIL. [|)]

[tamara02]

H/L Im sorry you have to put up w/that teenage stuff,especially since you are not feeling well,hey when it rains it pours,My 16 yr old son was also spoiled,now my 4yr old,is not spoiled not by me anyways ,but his dad spoils him and Im the strict one,I learned from my mistakes w/the 1st one,but its still hard,my 16 yr old dosen't have the time of day for me,and he does yell ,and is short w/me,and @16 he knows it all,Well Just like me when i was16 I thought i was invincible.Hey have you talked to syd today,I know babysteps is out of town,and lisagirl,too,anyways when you get a chance read page 5 ,you know where sweetcheekso5 posts ,read what she said to syds response,its unbelievable,let me know ,It might get your mind off you feeling bad for a min,remember what babysteps said abt sweets ,Im starting to wonder.Tamm,well it was sweet of your daughter to apologize and give you a hug,means,she's got a good heart,my son goes to church hes w/ the youth group,wed,fri and sun.take care Tamm,He also apologizes and gives me hugs ,Raging hormones I guess.

[hatelove percs]

yikes, TAMM that was something. i hope SYD will be on later. hope she didn't get to upset...i don't know, i think maybe we all get along cause we are in the same age bracket perhaps. we just see stuff the same ways maybe? who knows..once ya hit 40 u have traveled a lot of bumpy roads. i can hardly think of one thing i have not seen!!! lol. i don't say that proudly either

[tamara02]

H/l I know what you mean,you need to read 4,5,and 6 so you can get a better idea,no I dont think syd has been on all day if she reads that she'll freak ,but do go read 4,5,6,,And Please tell me I'm not crazy and syd isn't either,you know guys usually use those type of words,there was no reason for it ,I mentioned some things after the fact,let me know what you think E-Mail me if you want to,tomandcarsonsmom@hotmail.com,Love ya TammPs I think sweets said she was in her 20's,wonder if her b/f got on her site and wrote that or was it her,

[sydbean]

Hey H/L and Tam ~ So WOW!!! How about that Sweetchikkk....Thanks for the heads up by e-mail Tam. I just posted over there again!! She is a total nut!! I thought the same thing you did I think Tam. Especially when she typed the last half in caps just like our long lost NOT buddy psycho boy!!!

H/L ~ I am so sorry you have having a hard time. But you are doing it!! Just gotta do it ONE DAY AT A TIME!! Don't ya just love those teen tantrums. That is great that she came back and apologized and stuff. Gosh! It is hard to go through w/d and all of the poo that comes with it let alone doing it with a teenager under foot!! UGH!!

Hello Nymommy too!! And Kaidog....has Tom been around tonight??

Well, I am going to go and nose around the forum. Talk to ya'll in a bit or if it gets late, tomorrow!!!

Hugs,
Syd

[hatelove percs]

hey TAMMERS i just sent u an email

[tamara02]

Thanks H/l I got it,You know we love our kids so much we want the best of everything for them,and this is how they treat us,tommy hurt my feelings so bad the other day ,I just cried ,He didn't see me,but later he called to apologize,he had spent a nite at his dad's,well they will grow out of it and turn into great adults,its all the raging hormones ,I guess,Ya Syd read the stuff over there,pretty wild huh!!Love and prayers Tamm

[ComingHome]

Look at Kai go! Whoo hooooo! You remind me of me when I got 11 months clean. I am envious. Are you clean off all substances or just opiates? Just curious. When I did it, the only way I could be successful was when I went clean of all substances. That's why I am still not considering myself clean since I have been taking Ultram. Technically, it is not an opiate, but it feels pretty close. In any case, congrats, and keep coming back to encourage everyone here.

Syd, I'll try not to leave. People are probably getting tired of me talking about how I got 11 months clean once upon a time, but I have to keep reminding myself of that to keep "hope." Hope is a powerful tool. Hope is half the battle. The other half for me is my connection with God.

ComingHome

There is ALWAYS hope

[tamara02]

Good morn.,Al Its cold any snowy here in my neck of the woods,no snow on the streets ,though,yeah!!!Babysteps missin you girl!!congrats on your clean days ,how are you feeling?great I hope,I know its still kind of early 6:15 am here,had to get up and let mama dog out.Hope every else has a great Friday!!!Tamm

[tamara02]

Hi Guys,getting ready to go to my Sub Appt.its a 45min drive from home,Hope all goes well,Anyways Everyone have a great Day,Tamm

[lyds]

quote:Originally posted by bobbyzworld123

Hi Lyds,

I'm fine thank you! I'm glad you're doing well since your one little incident! Good job! As far as what your clean date is, I think it's best for your mindset to stay with the original date. You NEED today to be your 12th day and not your 3rd. Mentally its a very big deal! You didn't get a buzz, didn't fall back into w/d, keep your clean date the same.

I'm keeping busy trying to not focus on this stuff. Early on I needed the board alot to get me through every hour, now I just try to avoid it and stay busy. Actually there's only about one post per page that actually pertains to the topic so maybe I could come around more! I love sarcasm..... [}]

I will check in and if I can feel that I can try to help someone I will, but I probably won't post much anymore. I know everyone here has been through this for a lot longer than me and likely dont care to hear my theories/lectures, but I know there are a lot of people reading that aren't "members" that I think I can help.

I hope everyone is doing well, if you're thinking of using, where will that get you? You can take a big step backwards and go through all of the hell you've been through AGAIN and eventually be at this point of your recovery and be faced with the same feeling...

Ever seen Groundhog Day? Beat it this time, never go back.....

Thanks for your input about my clean date. I really feel that I should stick with the original date even though I had a tiny relapse. So, it's official. 1-20-07 !

Like Tamm, I really enjoy reading everything and anything you have to say. I don't post as often as most, but I try to check in & read up. I am having great days right now but I know that could stop in a minute. This place has become important to me right now. I do understand why you feel your visits will be less frequent, however.

Hate/Love: I hate that you are dealing with the trouble with your child right now. It's hard to stay positive about your becoming clean. I have no wise words of wisdom. My oldest son is out of the house and my "baby" is graduating this year. I've had my moments of wanting to beat them down, trust me, but I don't think it's ever been on the level in which you are dealing. Considering that, I feel anything I might say would not help. I will pray for you. That I can do! You seem like a strong woman. I know it feels like it's not going to get better, but it will. PLEASE hang in there!

NYMommy: Thanks again for the kind words of support while I am coming off MS-Contin. You're great.

Tamm: Hi Southern Sister! Your presence here is greatly appreciated. You always pop in with kind words of encouragement to everyone. It's great that you do that!

Kai: If you're out there I just wanted to thank you again. You have been such an important part of my recovery time online. Does that make sense?

I guess I am just feeling the love this morning! Everyone, seriously, I am really having some great days right now. For three (I think it's been three) days straight I have not been depressed, I have more energy each day, and I am laughing again. I know if you are in the spot within your recovery where you feel those types of days are so far out of your reach, think of me. Just MONDAY of this week I was there. I honestly thought that I wasn't going to have much luck. But, here I am. I feel good. I know I still have a long road ahead of me. I am not fooling myself. But, just having these really wonderful days recently has helped me so much. It has shown me that it's going to be good again.

I've leaned on my husband, I've leaned an you guys and most importantly, I gave it all over to God. With Him on my side, I know I can't go wrong!

I pray everyone has a better day than they had yesterday and that each day keeps getting better and better.

[Baby Steps]

Hey Guys!! I just wanted to pop in to let everyone know I was thinking about them. I have really been having a bad couple of days and I'm just trying to get through them the best way I can. I am now 3 weeks clean and yes KAI KAI... I am so proud of you too!!! Keep on Truckin! I'm at 3 weeks today and am still in a lot of pain but I called off yesterday and working from home today just trying to get through it w/o the meds. Pray for me please!

Luv ya guys! And Tamm... your a feisty one...LOL Stay sweet girl and SYD... I just simply love you too girl!!

NY and Lisa and HL... your all in my prayers and coming home.... you can talk about your 11 months all you want! Don't ever leave us!



Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[Kaidog]

Many of you have posted recently about how, much to our surprise, everyday is not better than the last. You have commented about how our recovery is more accurately characterized as there being good days and bad days.................. sometimes without any apparent pattern.

I have spent the past week experiencing exactly that myself. For some inexplicable reason, the restless legs have returned, so much so that I was only able to sneak-in two hours of sleep last night. Even sitting here at my desk, I find myself bouncing my legs constantly and tapping my feet or just wiggling my legs back and forth. It really sucks.

The one thing which has really helped me is to not compare today to yesterday but to try and compare this week to last week and if that doesn't work, to compare now to 4 weeks ago.

Then too, I have pondered why this time is so much more difficult htna any time I've experienced before. I think the answer is multi-pronged but essentially I think it is because I was using so much more heavily this time than I ever did before.

Whatever the reason, I don't ever want to go through this again. I am forcing myself to not take any more Ambien at night as I have just been taking it every night for a month now and don't want to just trade one problem for another.

No matter how difficult this is and no matter how much it sucks to go through it, I do not regret embarking once again on the road to independence from the pills. I do not regret flushing my stash and I sure don't regret coming clean, (for like the tenth time) with my wife. I know it will eventually get better. I didn't get into this condition overnight and I won't get completely better overnight either.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[Kaidog]

nymommy: Sorry to hear that you are still going through some tough days. Stay with it. It's a prize worth striving for.

You asked previously what my prior record was for days clean. I'm not entirely positive as I've been through this so many times before but I think last time was my record at exactly 50 days clean before I relapsed. I sure intend to break that record this time. Then again, I guess that's what I always say!

lyds: Thanks for the kind words. It's really fun to watch and observe someone else get excited about getting clean and experiencing the freedom God so desires to give us. Keep it up.

Coming Home: With the exception of Ambien at night (which I stopped last night), I have not taken anything. No Advil, no aspirin, and certainly no Hydro's.

Hate Love: When my daughter was a little girl (pre-teen) there has never been another father and daughter that were closer. When she became a teenager and all the way through High School, I wanted to take a steak knife and drive it through her heart. Once she graduated however, God began to heal that relationship and we are now, once again really close. (She's 29 years old now and living in San Francisco). One of the things I intend to ask God once I die is; "What were you thinking with that whole teenage thing?"

It is an unbelieveably difficult process to see them through those years without killing them isn't it?

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[tamara02]

Hey Kiadog: How abt.that I only got 2 hrs sleep ,too!!yuck..I went to my monthly sub dr.appt.Feb will be the 3rd month and she is going to cut my sub dose in half.Hope it goes ok,Im gonna stay positive,Anyways my legs have been driving me nuts for abt.10 days now,I told her abt. it and she told me to go buy some otc natural potassium 99 mgs/And magnesium oxide pills ,250 mg,both filmcoated,she said that should do the trick,we'll see,I asked her abt.clonidine ,she said I would not be a good candidate for that since it is a B/P med,and mines perfect,Oh ,I also asked her abt .Quinine pills ,she said If I had them go ahead and use them.....by the. Way to go!!!! on your clean time,I bet your wife is estatic to have her Hunny back, And major proud of you ,Later Tamm

[tamara02]

Hi Guys!!!Hope all is kinda well...Syd where are you,Miss ya sista!I sent Lori an E-Mail.............Lyds ,you are such A sweetheart!!! don't ever leave,I know some of us can act kooky ,especially me,lol,but what the heck you only live once!!!!Im laughing now ,but probably by next week sometime Ill be cryin and hurtin ,hopefully not.Tamm ......Boy what a scatterbrain ,me!!!!!!!I've been meaning to see about TOM,where the heck are you ,did you fall into your paint bucket,Hope to chat w/you later,will fill you in on syd's and my lil escapade,Im sure you'll enjoy it a bit ...Tamm Snoogins,,,Hey did I get that right ? by the way what does it mean,Is it something Polish,LOL,take care,T One more thing ,Im going to start taking Pics of the pups and momma ,too,will email then to who ever would like to see,Babysteps has 1st dibs on a pup,Ok!!! I may even get them put on my almost empty MYspace.com,Tamm,,,,,,UNCLENASTY,NEED to chat w/ you,buddy,please,Tamm

[hatelove percs]

TAMM: girl u just can't buy a break lately when u give advice on the other forums[] lol. what is up with people's reactions being so negative? u poor thing!! BABYSTEPS: so good to hear from you. don't u mess up and take something. u are one of my main inspirations. i am on day five! feel pretty good. NO energy, limp noodle is back. KAI, and NYMOMMY thank you for your helpful and humerous words about teenagers. i am glad to hear that maybe my daughter is not as sick and twisted as i thought. and i am not losing my mind totally (i thought i saw it run out the door last night, but i caught it at the last minute) SYD hows it goin? oh KAI you know u may be withdrawing from ambien? i dont know much about it..could be why restless legs returned? i have looked all over for that emergen
c but can't find it so i had to settle for redbull til i can travel to the next town and get to the health food store. today i was lucky to make it round this town for errands. man, it seems like there is so much to do when you are trying to kick this ****. i told my dad today about my addiction and getting clean!!!i made it seem like not a big deal though cause i don't wanna stress him out to much (he's got shingles right now) anyway, he was really happy i was doing something about it. so i feel even more that i need to make this the last time i ever have to quit.

[Baby Steps]

Hello HL and Tamm... Tamm thanks so much for the e-mail and I may just call you to chat sometime for sure. I'm just feeling so bad right now and I'm the type that prefers misery alone... LOL But I will call and you are a sweetheart for sure!!!!!!

HL... Thank you so much for caring and trust me... it has been quite challenging! And I mean that with everything I am right now but I will not do it. I've learned 1 thing about this addiction.... Yes, it seems like hell lasts forever when we're in it.... but it doesn't! So I hold onto knowing... the pain will eventually subside and the desire will as well. Not easy but necessary. I have to say that you are an inspiration as well as so many others for me too! I would have never had so much knowledge of this beast and probably prolonged the inevitable. Because in reality... it is nothing more than prolonging hell. I can't even imagine going back.... I just wish it were summer so my body wouldn't hurt so bad. I am so proud of you for getting this far and even doing errands!!!! OMG.... I couldn't even imagine taking a shower on day 3 let alone going out to face the world. I remember feeling like Mush!

Tamm... I'm so happy to hear they are tapering you as well. That is awesome news! I know you can do it!

Lisa Girl... I miss you.... I'm waiting to hear the most recent news.... I truly pray all things are going your way and your moms.

NY... You Rock Missy! Simply Rock... Keep up the good work!!! I'm so proud of you!

KAI... SYD... ComingHome... Tom... you all are my inspiration as well... you all keep me going while I am down... Trust me... this board is my therapy and for some reason makes me accountable. THANKS to you all for everything.

Now I'll throw this back... I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[hatelove percs]

well, BABYSTEPS, u have accomplished so much. and u guys know what? in life every day is not good. there are good days and bad days. days we are just run down, tired, blah. when we are using we get used to feeling "up"all the time because of the drug so we get spoiled into expecting this all the time, and when it doesn't happen and we feel the regular everyday ups and downs we are like, wow, what the heck? why am i upset? why don't i feel good? why don't i feel like doing everything? i think we need to remember that it was the pills making us think we could do it all, we were running our bodies into the ground. no wonder we feel so ****py when we stop the drug! no wonder we get so darn sick! no wonder we have no energy for a month! i just realized this for myself.

[Baby Steps]

Well said HL... Well said!!! clap clap clap!!! I couldn't agree with you more. [8D]

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[tamara02]

Hi H/L ,no Kidding,must be a full moon,hey,I think it is!!!!some of the things sweet said ,made me think ,than Not,Im usually a pretty cool person,will go out of my way to do what I can for anyone..You read the posts ,Syd is pretty solid and sweet,just nailed her,so I know It's not always me,what the heck,,I'll tell you what these teenagers will give you lots of grey hair,I've got to touch up mine already and I just got the grey out,lol,Tamm,

[tamara02]

Hey,Lori ,just bundle up w/ a cup of hot cocoa and see if there is a good movie on,and just take it easy ,I'm also so proud of your clean time,what a tough group of people!!!Well if I win the publishers sweepstakes,I will buy everyone of you a Harley ,for being so tough and strong,lol,Tamm

[tamara02]

Hi,One more thing and I'll quit hogging the board as sweet put it,Morticia answered my e-mail ,she's doing great,got off the methadone ,lost 35 lbs,and has no more back pain,Is that a miracle or what and such a short period of time,I asked her to please come and surprise everyone,maybe she will.I told her arlewna and abbey flew the coup right after the **** they came on here w/ making her feel bad.Haven't seen them since.How long has it been since mort last posted ,does anyone remember?? Hey H/L as far as the neg.reactions,I just don't know ,I try to be as nice as I can,guess you can't win them all,love ya'll Tamm

[Baby Steps]

Awe Tamm aren't you sweet!!! Not to sound selfish or anything... but can I have a Jag???

I am bundled up but no good movies.... LOL Oh well.. maybe I'll take my melatonin early and call it a day! [8D]

Love ya girl!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07

[tamara02]

Lori,you are to funny ,and yes ,you can have a Jag,what color?Get some rest,I will hit the sack soon ,too only got 2 hrs sleep.nite-nite,Tamm,Again....[8D]

[tamara02]

H/L that's so sad,I promise to leave it to all of you ,now If I wake up like last nite ,I will be in here on the pc typing and smoking,don't want to disturb the old man,thats what Carson has been calling his dad lately its to funny,he'll say hey,Old man,and Dad says WHAT!! and carson will run off giggling,He thinks I put my son up to it But I swear I did not,Tamm,sweet dreams everyone!!!!!Hey this was suppost to go under H/L's post... hey girls im on page 308