[Baby Steps]

Hey Slimmy!!! I think you're making the right decision. I've just never been on sub so I can't give much advice on it except I know it works. I pray for your success no matter which route you choose. Only you can make those decisions and it appears it is well thought out. I know you'll do great.

Hey everyone!! I'm sorry to be such a board hog... it's just if I don't keep my mind occupied right now I'll go nuts!!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

[Slimmy]

I hear you baby steps. I'm feeling super anxious and that nasty mucusy feeling in my throat as well as muscle aches in my legs and shoulders and uncontrollable yawning. I think the Sub is staving it off still but next is obviously vomiting and then the wonderful diarrhea so I'm going to wait as long as I can before I start nibbling on the oxy and I'm still debating riding it out but I have 2 days before I can get to the clinic so if the sub does stave off full blown withdrawal and it doesn't get too bad I'm still toying with the idea of riding it out ans staying off everything but my fiance doesn't think it's a good idea. Mainly because she has to sit here and watch me and she has no experience with this so she probably thinks I'm going to die...which obviously I'm not. I don't see how you can even get the motivation to sit and type so kudos to all of you who are going through w/d in order to get completely clean. Seriously. 10 years ago I was a heroin addict and I quit cold turkey several times and I still remember it as one of the worst things I've ever gone through and then even after I was through the withdrawals the cravings were so bad that I always went back to the Big H until I eventually moved from Baltimore to COlorado just to get away from it. I've successfully stayed away from it for 10 years which makes this addiction to painkillers for the last year or more so stupid but addiction is very weird and cunning and I'm an addict so who knows what's in store for me the rest of my life. Okay back to lay down and wait to get sicker.

[Baby Steps]

quote:Originally posted by Slimmy

I hear you baby steps. I'm feeling super anxious and that nasty mucusy feeling in my throat as well as muscle aches in my legs and shoulders and uncontrollable yawning. I think the Sub is staving it off still but next is obviously vomiting and then the wonderful diarrhea so I'm going to wait as long as I can before I start nibbling on the oxy and I'm still debating riding it out but I have 2 days before I can get to the clinic so if the sub does stave off full blown withdrawal and it doesn't get too bad I'm still toying with the idea of riding it out ans staying off everything but my fiance doesn't think it's a good idea. Mainly because she has to sit here and watch me and she has no experience with this so she probably thinks I'm going to die...which obviously I'm not. I don't see how you can even get the motivation to sit and type so kudos to all of you who are going through w/d in order to get completely clean. Seriously. 10 years ago I was a heroin addict and I quit cold turkey several times and I still remember it as one of the worst things I've ever gone through and then even after I was through the withdrawals the cravings were so bad that I always went back to the Big H until I eventually moved from Baltimore to COlorado just to get away from it. I've successfully stayed away from it for 10 years which makes this addiction to painkillers for the last year or more so stupid but addiction is very weird and cunning and I'm an addict so who knows what's in store for me the rest of my life. Okay back to lay down and wait to get sicker.

Hey Slimmy... Good job!! It's not easy to type for sure and if you only knew how long it takes me you'd prob. laugh. But I have to do something because my mind keeps telling me to get a refill and for some stupid reason this has helped me to keep my mind off it. Wow... so you had a Heroin addiction before and went c/t??? That's amazing! Good job but like you said... addiction is a very cunning thing as I'm figuring out and I hate it!!!

Does anyone know why I keep sneezing? Like double sneezes??? It's crazy. Is it associated to my w/d??? Well guys.... I'm close to ending day 3 and moving into DAY 4!!! Thank Goodness!! I feel better than I did yesterday and this morning but it's still very hard to walk!!! I feel like my mind knows where to go but my legs aren't willing to move!!! And forget about moving faster than a snail cause that ain't happening!! The diarrhea has calmed down a lot. Even though I have Imodium I still have that issue just prob. not as bad. Oh how I wish I could just sleep.

Hey Slimmy I live in Northern VA so we were neighbors when you were in Baltimore. [8D]

Ok... I have to stop here... Hope everyone is ok...

Hugz,

Baby Steps

[sydbean]

Sorry for not being on the boards this afternoon guys. I am trying to will my Patriots to victory. but seeing as they just picked off Brady I am not very happy....grrrrrr!! I will try to post more later and of course I have to give my girl Babysteps her daily poem!!

Baby steps...the sneezing is a w/d symptom. Very common is the rapid fire sneezing. I have had it so bad at times that after rapid fire sneezing about ten or more times I actually start to gag and yawn and sneeze all at once. It sucks. What totally sucks is sitting in the doctors office lobby rapid fire sneezing (of course while waiting to pick up a script) and everyone is looking knowingly at you as there are not too many reasons why a person will sneeze fifteen times in a matter of four seconds. Let alone that I have already been sitting there sniffing with my runny nose and looking like **** cause I haven't slept all night....ahhhhhh the memories. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at all that you will be leaving behind Babysteps!!! I am so proud of you!!!

Talk to ya guys later....OMG! They just got another touchdown...ahhhhhh my Patriots are getting stepped on.........ugh!! I must go channel all my energy to them for a win!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs all,
Suzie

[Baby Steps]

Thanks Syd!!! I was wondering what in the world was going on. It's the freakiest thing and how about the fog over my eyes? Like theres a film over them! How frustrating!!! And then we top it all off with my heart POUNDING out of my chest!! It's scaring me for real!!! And I take blood pressure meds... should this be happening? I hope nothing happens to me! Everyone except my employees think I'm out of town so no one will even know anything happened to me until next week. At least I've never heard of anyone dying from this so I guess it's all normal. Maybe it's because I haven't moved my butt out of this bed except to go to the bathroom!! And very little sleep last night.

Oh well ... Go Patriots!!! My skins are out of it so it's ok for me to root for your team.... YEAH!!! Let me know if they win.

Hugz Ditty Queen!!! [8D]

Love ya,

Baby Steps

[hatelove percs]

b-steps: i've tried everything for migraines. wow slimmy you are doing great!!! my b/f went through heroin w/d years ago also and said it was just a horrorfest.
TOM: i just stopped taking wellbutrin not to long ago, actually the last time i tried to quit the percs and am wondering if it had anything to do with why my w.d. was still going strong at three weeks. i didnt know there was w.d. from wellbutrin, but i thought it might be contributing to my migraines so i quit it all of a sudden. now i do believe it is why i am extra depressed and think perhaps maybe i need to look into a different anti depressant=oh stopped the ultram btw. also. i am really super clean right now! wow! i haven't said that in years...

[LISA GIRL]

Too depressed to type much.. just stopping in to say GO PATRIOTS!! Although I'll be rooting again you Babysteps next week when the play Indy...I really like all 4 of the remaining teams so can't complain. Hang on babysteps... I didn't read all the posts today... had company and just got to computer... but you are doing great and we are all very proud of you...and everyone else just starting out...and everyone else who has come a long way!

[Baby Steps]

quote:Originally posted by LISA GIRL

Too depressed to type much.. just stopping in to say GO PATRIOTS!! Although I'll be rooting again you Babysteps next week when the play Indy...I really like all 4 of the remaining teams so can't complain. Hang on babysteps... I didn't read all the posts today... had company and just got to computer... but you are doing great and we are all very proud of you...and everyone else just starting out...and everyone else who has come a long way!

Oh Sweetie I wish we could make it better for you! I know it will get better I just wish I could wave a wand over you and make it all go away right now! Stay strong and thank you so much for continuing to think of us even though you are going through so much yourself... You're such a sweetheart! Says a lot about you Missy!!!

Let us know how you are tomorrow even if it's jus a quick hey. I am officially over day 3 YES YES YES!!! and onto day 4... I am glad I am off tomorrow cause I really really need to try and get some sleep! Argh! I never ever want to go through this again. [B)]

Rest well everyone!!! I hope everyone hsd a great day today!!!

Continued Prayers and Hugz to all!!

Baby Steps is on DAY 4...

[tamara02]

hi,Lisagirl,Just wanted to say a quik "Hello" and hope things are going much better for you ...Take care TammAll is well over here except lots and lots of stress from my old grouchy old man,I've got to get into yoga,meditation or something ,if I don't that male chauvanist pig will give me a heart attack,say hi to mort.if you talk to her,bye for now...Tamm

[hatelove percs]

CONGRATS ON MAKING IT TO DAY FOUR B-STEPS. any time now you should start to significantly feel better. prob. day five. it is on to day seven or is it eight? im not sure now..for me, but anyway, today i felt better. i noticed a difference that is. i am now trying to distinguish between depression and w/d depression. i believe i am through the worst w/d. by tomorrow you should be also! we are having the most godawful icestorm here! all the transformers in town are blowing and my house finally got electric but now is one of the very few in town that has still got it. i am really worried about the sick and elderly that now have no heat. tomorrow i am going to go out and see what i can do to help. the red cross is here and stuff. i guess i'll loan out my extra bedroom or something. it is a real bummer deal!! six months ago a tornado took out our town and most of our street except for my house and one other. i am starting to look at what i have to be thankful for instead of my usual whining. lol. goodnight all!

[unclenasty93]

hey everybody!

kaidog- very clever return incognito! Props to lisa for identifying you. I will be honest with you, I was always under the opinion that if you kept that stash of pills in your posession you'd relapse. I didn't want to say anything back then because you were doing so well, but I had a feeling. This damn disease is just sooooooo powerful, how could any of us have pills in our homes and not at some point use them? In any event, glad you are back on track, you are always a great source of inspiration for the people here.


lisa- I hope you are ok. I just found out about your mother and I feel terrible. I wish her all the best and you try to stay strong! Hang in there
mike

[Baby Steps]

Wow HL How sweet of you to think of others like that!! Such a sweetheart!! Where do you live? Congrats on your clean time and thank you for the encouragement!! It has helped me crawl through these last 4 days... UGH! I slept like a newborn last night thanks to my melatonin!! In fact I fell asleep with the laptop on my lap! [8D] and I have the worst headache right now! I feel like my head is being stabbed. I just took 3 Excedrin's. DAY 4!!! I never thought I'd get here. I know one thing guys... PLEASE Keep me in your prayers for the mental part now. Because it's there and very real. But I can't cave... I have to move forward. I've come a long way to turn back and EVER have to go through this again.

ComingHome How are you???? Haven't heard from you. Please let us know how you are. Praying for you!!!

NY... Same with you sweetie... How are you? How was your weekend? I hope it was restful... I know the weather was beautiful like it was here in VA!!!

Lisa Girl... As always... You and your Mom are on my mind and I've already said my daily prayer for you guys as well as asking God to bring you PEACE and Strength!!! Stay strong Girl... I hope you are better today. We Love You!!!

Hey Dublin... How are you today dear? Hang In There!!! I hope you have a great day!!!

SYD?? Hey Girl... I miss your ditty's... They really gave me a laugh and I'm telling ya... it ain't easy to laugh right now... In fact, I'm on the verge of tears. I hope you are doing well! Have a Great Day and I hear NH WON!!! Is that right?? If so That's so Awesome!!! They are a very good team!!!

Kai... What can I say... Are you still running out the door?? I hope I will be running out the door soon!!! I am so not a lay in bed kind of girl but oh boy... I can tell you... I couldn't go anywhere if I wanted to!! I feel like a lead weight!!! How long does this last??? I hope I'm able to go to work tomorrow... How are you doing??? Your at day 11 right??? That's incredible!!!!

Who have I missed???? Umm... Oh hey Tom my little challenger... How the heck are YOU doing dear??? Your story absolutely AMAZES ME!!! Hang In There Tom and Congrats to you!!!!!!!

And to everyone I missed... I wish you all a GREAT and PEACEFUL Day today!!!

I have to stop now... My vision is really bad today as well as this headache!!

Love you guys!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps is on DAY 4

[Kaidog]

Day 11:

Unclenasty:

If memory serves, you DID counsel me against keeping the stash and I didn't listen. This past failure, unlike any time before has caused me to look at quite a few components of my life and identify (read admit) some areas that I can't handle. In retrospect, I can see now how enormously stupid that was to have a few thousand Norco's in the gun safe, whispering to me constantly.

With each passing day, I am more and more happy that I flushed the stash and burned a few bridges (to sources) this time. Even at only day 11, there have already been quite a few times that I think I would have caved if the relief was only a swallow away.

Also too, this time I have finally realized that I can never, ever "flirt" with these pills. I can not "play" with them and I can't "dabble" now and then with them. If I do, it's a freeway to more intense usage and renewed slavery to this drug that I have treid to defeat so many times before. In short, I can never, ever take another Opiate for any reason ever again.

Thanks for your posts over the months. Your honesty and transparency is an asset to the board.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[Kaidog]

Baby Steps:

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!! You are doing great! It's neat to see your battle plan play out pretty much as you had planned and hoped it would. Keep at it. As you know from previous experience, you are probably past the worst of it and especially with a good night's sleep under your belt, you should feel better and better all the time.

It's so strange, when we, as a forum, read about someone embarking on this monumental journey, we collectively are on pins and needles, praying and hoping for success and awaiting each new post to monitor the journey.

Also too, when newbies come here, convinced in their heart of hearts that there si no hope for deliverance from their own addiction, and they read of your success, it shines a ray of light into their hearts and gives them a hope they haven't dreamed of in a long time.

Thanks for your many encouraging posts. And hang tough. You're on my heels in the day count so I'll be looking over my shoulder as we run this race together.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[dublinjoe]

Good morning to everyone. I hate to say this to all of you suffering up in the frozen tundra but here in south Florida it's a soft warm sunny day with a light breeze from the west. I took my daughter's Yorkie out for an early walk and it was good to feel almost human again. My first thought in the morning for so long has been to go to my secret stash and take a few pills that it's nice NOT to have that thought. For now.
Baby steps: You're up early, and alive! Good news. I know I felt the same way when my heart was pounding and had trouble breathing, didn't know what was going on, but we're still here. I hope your headache eases up soon, hopefully it will. You are such an encouragement to others I hope you can feel the affection and support coming back to you. You're in the valley at the moment but brighter days are coming. Today is my 10th day. Yahoo! Now if I can just stay away from my friends who want to help my back pain with their left over prescriptions. I must get better at 'just saying no'. Why does that sound so pathetic? I don't know. Anyway, hang in there, we're all pulling for you.
Hatelovepercs (good signature!) you too are a pretty special person to be thinking of others when you're going through your own struggles. For the past 10 days I couldn't think about much but my own woes, it says a lot for the kind of person you are. Good luck with your journey to wholeness.
Lisagirl; I wish there was something one of us could say or do that would make a difference. You're in some deep waters and all we can do is stand with you and pray for you and your mother. In the past, stressors such as my daughter's problems and my father's illness were factors I used to up the dosage just to get through but when I look back it was so counter productive as I wasn't able to be there as fully as I needed to. Hang in there, and if you can, (if you can't no worries) trust the God of the weak, the suffering, the poor and the marginalized. He/She hears your cry.
Good luck to all, cheers,
DJ.

[Kaidog]

Baby Steps:

I just re-read a few of the old posts and read your question about the sneezing.

I broke a rib on December 22nd and all the sneezing makes it feel REAL good! I do it maybe 8 or 9 times a day. YUCK!

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[mpvt]

You are all special and you should all be proud of your achievements.Recovering from opiate addiction is probably the toghest thing you will ever endure.Remember what you have been through and what it has taken to get were you are today.No one can ever say you failed or your a wimp because you all know just what it takes.Be proud of what you have accomplished and hold your heads high,surly you have all earned it......Dave

[Kaidog]

nymommy:

I almost forgot.................

We had discussed the usefulness of clonodine last week and I had a story to relate to you about it.

I have had a Catapress II transdermal patch on my arm for a few weeks now............ started it with the taper even before the CT. They are only supposed to last a week and then "theoretically" they are spent.

This time around with the withdrawals, I haven't had any restless legs at all. Virtually none.

Last Friday I came home from work and hopped into the shower to get ready for a dinner engagement with my wife. While in the shower I yanked off the patch, thinking it had been spent and was no longer doing anything. Within a matter of 30 minutes I had such a huge case of restless legs it was amazing.

I ended-up putting the old patch back on. (Don't have any new ones and it would require a call to the Dr. that I'm avoiding to get any more).

Anyway, just wondering how you are doing and if you've used any clonodine or are doing alright w/o it.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[cranky]

Hey everyone - Cranky here - remember me? I've been lurking for a while, but thought I'd post a hello. I don't really have anything good to say about myself, still haven't kicked the habit, still want to but not badly enough. I HAVE found, recently, that my opiate use was strongly linked to smoking cigarettes. One greatly enhanced the other and vica-versa. With no opiates, cigarettes taste awful and, I'm hoping, that with no cigarettes the Norcos won't be as wonderful. So, my plan of attack this week is to wean myself from tobacco (this is day three without) and, eventually, the norcos, once that double whammy isn't there for me. I'm glad to be hearin from the Kaidog again, although obviously not glad he fell off the wagon. I've done it so many times....but I'm still here and I know I will eventually want to quit badly enough to actually do it. I am currently out of drugs and patching the days with Kratom - very effective at keeping the WD at bay. Well, again, nothing to be proud of here, just wanted to say hey to everyone - keep up the good work - you guys are all an enormous source of inspiration and I admire each and every one of you!

[Kaidog]

cranky:

How funny that you should post. At the risk of sounding paranormal, I could feel you lurking these past few days.............. I even almost posted to you telling you that, but it just sounded too wierd. Good to hear from you.

Yeah, like so many others, when I stumbled, I stumbled BIG TIME. Like you, my DOC is the little yellow Norco's. This past time was really different though. No more good feelings, no more energy....... just this enormous urge to use even though there was no reward beyond keeping the withdrawals at bay. Geeze, the things we do to ourselves.

Wonderfully however, my wife spoke to me about my use on December 22nd. Initially of course I objected and argued with her but over the course of the next few days, God began to speak to me and show me just how correct my wife was. Soooooooooooooooo, back at it I am. Pretty much the same formula as last time, except even a faster taper and I've taken some aggressive steps to cut-off my sources and have ferretted-out every last pill hiding place and flushed everything.

I sure hope it works this time cause this w/d thing sucks for anyone, let alone us old guys.

Keep me (us) posted about you progress/struggles. You'll do it when you're ready.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[cranky]

Well Kaidog - maybe we have a Cosmic Connection, because I also "felt" you lurking there the past few weeks and, I hate to even say this, I remember thinking "I wonder if the Kaidog tripped and doesn't want to talk about it yet - I know he will eventually." I'm glad God is helping you out and, probably more importantly, your wife - who is such an awesome person (love the story about the Lexus) and great source of support. I'm afraid to tell anyone about my habit - gawd, I can't even imagine. I have a teenage daughter - all those lectures about drug use. I know the first word out of her mouth would be HYPOCRITE! (Teens are so non-judgemental, lol). This is something I have to tackle myself and, unfortunately, I still get a nice, wonderful, floaty sense of euphoria from Hydro. I won't lie - I love it. It's sick, and what is REALLY sick is the absolute joy I feel when the FedEx truck pull up - sick, sick, sick - truly makes me ashamed, but I'm being honest about these feelings - denying it doesn't get me anywhere. I'm really hoping that eliminating the cigs will help me kick this - right now I'm craving tobacco more than narcotics. Seems like a minor thing, but it's pretty much a head game, in my opinion, persuading yourself of what is real. Geez - how do we get ourselves into these messes! I see that question a lot.

[Slimmy]

Cranky I can relate to the cigarettes. I love the first cigarette when that Oxy kicks in. I don't find them as enjoyable with the Suboxene and as soon as I get stabilized again I think I might quit smoking for the millionth time.

IN case anyone was wondering I caved and took some Oxy. It's not enough to get high but it is enough to get me through tomorrow and back to the clinic so I can get back on the Suboxone. SOrry to those who were hoping I would make it but I'm just not ready. THere's too much pressure on me at my job and I just don't think I'm totally ready to fight this thing cold turkey.

[shreedac420]

Hey everybody

I have a question. How much and how often do you have to take oxy in order to become addicted. Can you get addicted if you don't take them everyday. I've been taking between 60 and 90mg in a single dose twice a week for about 1 1/2 years. It's been my little way to just chill out and enjoy life. Iv'e come to realize since iv'e been using i've been alot more depressed and also very angry. My memory also seems to be becoming horrible, i'll forget everything about the previous week. I find myself thinking and dreaming about them all the days I don't do them. I have told myself i'll stop but never get around to it. I started at 15mg and am now at 90 and im starting to want more. So is it even possible to become addicted off a twice a week pattern even if it's high dosages. If not does it still cause the longterm changes of the brain that occur in an addict. I feel like im playing with fire, is this twice a week ritual going to burn me. My friends (who are full blown H addicts) tell me i'll be fine, but look at them. Basically my question is can I keep up my twice a week ritual safely or is this level of use still going to really hurt me in the long run.

Thank you for your help and good luck to everyone who is battling with the real addiction, you guys are stonger then my friends to even attempt to quit.

Shreed

[tom316]

baby steps,I'm doing ok! almost day 24 and I kicked the hell out of Mathadone's little nice lady ass!No longer a slave! Sounds like you're doing it! Keep it up!!!! I'm here for you! If you need anything let me know. I've been through it all ask anything.

lovehate,super clean! Sounds great. Wellbutrin w/d sux.My guess would be that's the reason for w/d going 3 weeks. I'm glad you're off the ultram.

SYD!!!!!!!!!!! what's up? you still have my dumb ass confused from my thread(addiction:disease or choice)what other subject are you talking about? Sorry I didn't get a chance to email you.When I told you that you had me laughing I didn't want to be included in your battles!lmao

Today sucked! at one time today I would have given my right arm for a pill.I was in so much pain today at thearpy.It passed.

[Baby Steps]

Hey Guys Baby Steps checking in!!! Day 4 is OVER Thank you God!!! Pushing Day 5!!! Today started out pretty rough... Not sure why but it seemed even worse than day 2 but only this morning... Than I got the dreaded PHONE CALL FROM HELL!!! Ring Ring... Caller ID says... It's work... what do I do??? I have to answer it!!! No... Don't!!! They left a message.... Do I retrieve it... Now my cell phone is ringing while I am contemplating retrieving the stupid message... OMGAH!!! I have to get the message.... I am the boss.... They would NEVER call me knowing I was sick w/the "FLU" unless it was an emergency right??? Well, it was an emergency alright.... Half of the Home Corporate Office was there to reward me as the Property of the year for 2006 (of 84 properties) and to go over the details of the conference next week w/in my company. So I started to PANIC!!! No Options here but to 1st get on my knees and pray then drag myself into the shower.... Which was still pretty difficult.... Dress in full business suit (biz not casual like I'd planned for tomorrow) and go in!!! Dreadful but guys.... I DID IT!!! And I pulled it off!!! They apologized as they could see I "Had the FLU!" wink wink but wanted to surprise me!!! Oh and surprise they did indeed! I think I was running on the shock rush.... and thank Goodness I filled up that tank of gas when I did last Thursday night!!!

Well, they all headed back to NYC around 3pm and I just shut my office door and hit the freaking floor!!! I didn't get up until 4pm and gathered up enough strength to get in that car just in time for my 2 hours (seemed like 10)of RUSH HOUR. But I'm here!!! I made it... I made IT!!! And not only that but I MADE PROPERTY OF THE YEAR!!! Which came with a nice $5,000.00 check along with a huge amount of respect. Oh if they only knew!!!

Anyway... I hope I can get some sleep because I will have to do this again tomorrow and I'm still not 100% but I have to admit... I feel a LOT better now that I got out of this prison!!!

To Each and EVERYONE of you guys.... How are you? How was your day?? Congratulations to you KAI... HL... TOM... Where's Coming Home?? and NY?? and SYD?? Huh??? Come on guys...I'm starting to worry!! Please check in just to say hello so we know you are OK. LisaGirl... I'll be waiting to hear something from you tomorrow about Ma's results... And praying for everyone!!

Welcome Back Cranky and don't be so hard on yourself!!! It happens... You'll do it when your ready and we're here for you either way. Please don't stay a stranger!!

Okay... for all I missed... I'm sorry,.... there's just so many awesome people in here and the board just keeps growing!!! Hey Dublin... Awes9ome... You are also doing great!!! Hang in There everyone!!!

Love and Hugz,

Baby Steps is signing off to hopefully get some sleep!! [8D]

[Baby Steps]

quote:Originally posted by shreedac420

Hey everybody

I have a question. How much and how often do you have to take oxy in order to become addicted. Can you get addicted if you don't take them everyday. I've been taking between 60 and 90mg in a single dose twice a week for about 1 1/2 years. It's been my little way to just chill out and enjoy life. Iv'e come to realize since iv'e been using i've been alot more depressed and also very angry. My memory also seems to be becoming horrible, i'll forget everything about the previous week. I find myself thinking and dreaming about them all the days I don't do them. I have told myself i'll stop but never get around to it. I started at 15mg and am now at 90 and im starting to want more. So is it even possible to become addicted off a twice a week pattern even if it's high dosages. If not does it still cause the longterm changes of the brain that occur in an addict. I feel like im playing with fire, is this twice a week ritual going to burn me. My friends (who are full blown H addicts) tell me i'll be fine, but look at them. Basically my question is can I keep up my twice a week ritual safely or is this level of use still going to really hurt me in the long run.

Thank you for your help and good luck to everyone who is battling with the real addiction, you guys are stonger then my friends to even attempt to quit.

Shreed

Hey Shreed... Welcome to the board!!! To answer your question... Yes... You've become addicted. Please try to stop now while the w/d won't be as hard as it will be a year from now when you will be going crazy and spending all your money just to feed your addiction as your body will HAVE to have it and they are no longer pleasurable. They will turn into your worst nightmare. I know you can do it and you've come to the right place for advice!!!

I will pray for you!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

[tom316]

Baby steps, WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!! can i get a loan! lol!!! Glad to here you made it. I almost wish i could go back to day 5 and go through it with you. like i said almost!lol. it's 1:00 am and I can't sleep!So i'm jamming some tunes and pissing around on the computer. I jumped over to "is cold turkey safe for me?" like you asked me to. Jeff is me to a T last year. If me living through a suicide attempt and pretty much beating addiction can help 1 person then may be that's why i lived. I mean this straight from the heart I am proud of you!!! keep it up and one day when you look back on this you'll say "Dat's right,I did it!"

[Kaidog]

The Dirty Dozen - Day 12:

Wow! Had a great night's sleep and I feel better than I have since I started this.

Thinking of all of you who are on the East Coast being brutalized by this cold and even the loss of power. Pop in when you can and let us know you're not frozen.

Baby Steps: Wow. You are such a trooper and are doing so well. Loved your post yesterday about having to take care of things at work even though you didn't want to. Congratulations too on the obvious well deserved recognition they extended to you. I know how difficult it is to have to "function" when in the throws of withdrawals.

Coming Home: Where you iz? Pop in and offer an update.

Cranky: As a product of the 60's (yeah, I'm THAT old), I have used virtually every drug imaginable. I even supported myself in the early 70's by dealing drugs. Without question, with the possible exception of the hydro's, cigarettes were the DAMNDEST thing to quit. I'm not saying I liked my cigarettes............... I LOVED em. Fortunately, it's been 25 years since I've had one but they are a dickens to shake loose from.

nymommy: Especially thinking of you with the ugly weather and not having heard from you in a few days, I'm a bit worried.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[Baby Steps]

quote:Originally posted by Kaidog

The Dirty Dozen - Day 12:

Wow! Had a great night's sleep and I feel better than I have since I started this.

Thinking of all of you who are on the East Coast being brutalized by this cold and even the loss of power. Pop in when you can and let us know you're not frozen.

Baby Steps: Wow. You are such a trooper and are doing so well. Loved your post yesterday about having to take care of things at work even though you didn't want to. Congratulations too on the obvious well deserved recognition they extended to you. I know how difficult it is to have to "function" when in the throws of withdrawals.

Coming Home: Where you iz? Pop in and offer an update.

Cranky: As a product of the 60's (yeah, I'm THAT old), I have used virtually every drug imaginable. I even supported myself in the early 70's by dealing drugs. Without question, with the possible exception of the hydro's, cigarettes were the DAMNDEST thing to quit. I'm not saying I liked my cigarettes............... I LOVED em. Fortunately, it's been 25 years since I've had one but they are a dickens to shake loose from.

nymommy: Especially thinking of you with the ugly weather and not having heard from you in a few days, I'm a bit worried.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

WHOO HOO KAI!!!!! That is so so awesome!!! 12 days!!!! Clap clap clap clap!!!

And I think you got the coasts mistaken Kai... Here on the east coast we are having a HEAT WAVE!!! Record breaking weather!!! Thank You GOD!!! I think you're thinking of the Northeast or maybe the midwest where they are haviing a terrible time.

But anyway... It's day 5 now and I'm doing GREAT!! I have to say... I have had no problems sleeping with the melatonin (of course I have to take 5 every night... LOL) but at least I am sleeping. Yesterday was BRUTAL for sure and I won't credit my strength... It was "I HAD NO OPTION!" [] Becauase it certainly threw a wrench in my perfect plan!! But I did get through it... I can only hope I get through today as well because I certainly don't have any energy. Zip, Zilch, Zero!!! But because I prepared at work to have so much done prior to this at least I was able to eliminate a lot of stress.

Keep up the good work KAI!!! I am so proud of you!!!

Tom... What can I say... You are pretty awesome as well!!! You have come so far! Congratulations!!! And thanks so much for jumping in and helping Destin (Jeff). You and he have so much in common and I'm glad you are able to help him. Isn't that what it's all about? Hang in there Tom!!!

NY... Comin Home... Syd... Where are you guys??? I'm praying for you!!! And hoping everything is ok. Have a Wonderful Day!!!!

Lisa Girl... Today is the day... I'll be waiting... and Praying for you and Ma. How has work been with the BF??? Hang in there sweetie... We are here for you for sure and love you very much!!!

Dublin... How are you today??? Post so I know you're still doing ok.

HAte Love... Hey you!!! How are you dear?? I hope you are doing ok as well!!!

To everyone... I'll be praying for you today!!! I hope everyone of you have a great day!!! Now I must drag (and I mean drag) myself into the shower and face this day... Head on.... I will get through this... I am strong.... I won't look back but move forward... Now I just need to find something to help me with this physical pain... My doctor gave me Ultram (because he said it was narcotic free) but as I have found out it isn't so I still suffer from physical pain and am hoping he can find something else for me to take that's safe and narcotic free.

Peace and strength to all!!!

Love and Hugz,

Baby Steps pushing 5 going on 6 days clean!!!

[nymommy]

hey...hope everyones doing well...sure seems that way!!!..i was away for the weekend...kai~~i never tried the clonidine..really nervous bout it being a BP med..sure if it was an opiate, i'd have no problem..sticking w/ my 1/2 of sub..i'm going to try to skip today..thanks for thinking of me..~~baby..congrats!..wow, cant believe you picked yourself up and got into work..you are a strong woman..actually, that was an inspiration to me..maybe i should quit whining, and get off the sub..feel ****py for a few weeks..it obviously can be done!..welcome to all the new posters...