[nymommy]

hey all~~as i mentioned, yesterday wasnt great, but i'm also a baby when it comes to not feeling 100%..having kids, work and all that goes w/ that, doesnt help..( right sparky?)...today i took my miniscule piece..and relief came...crazy, huh?..so i'm thinking of alternating days..or trying the clonidine...i'm off tomorrow, so i'll have more options..thanks for asking~~babysteps your c/t-ing this weekend right...least you know what to expect...seems your into natural remedies, why not try thomas' receipe?...congratulations on your week, kaidog..and that wife of yours!!..i would've been all over that lexus!..my poor husband

[ComingHome]

Good morning. Day 3 today, no opiates. I'm hanging in there. I'll try to post again later tonight.

Coming Home

There is ALWAYS hope

[sydbean]

Hello everyone!! You are all getting your own color today...excited?

[:I]Cominghome~ Congrats on day 3 your doing great!!!! It will get better!!!

[]nymommy~ I have heard that with the Sub some people take the one mg. pill and cut it into eight little pieces and they really do get a world of cure from just a crumb. From all I have read once you get down to the point you are at the best thing to do is to start to do every other day and then when you are comfy with that do every third day etc. You are doing so great!! Keep up the good work!!!

[:0]LisaGirl~ I hope you hear good news about your Mom. I know how easy it is to fall into the old habits when we are dealing with stress. You can't be to hard on yourself but try the best you can to be honest with yourself and give yourself a little forgiveness.

[8D]Kaidog~ If only it was that easy to get clean time, right!! It was my daughters thirteenth b-day yesterday and I did the same thing on her card. She pointed it out after she read it. I made a point to put the day with a bunch of "!!!!!!!!!!!!" because she was now a teen and even doing all that I didn't notice I put the wrong year.

[^]Baby steps~ Well, you are last on my list...but not least!!!! We have to get you thinking about this weekend with out so much fear and dread. I know that is much easier said than done!!! I wish I could do something to make it better for you but I just know from experience that the mental issues are not to be taken lightly. They really play a huge part in the amount of "suffering" and the over all sucess of the "mission" LOL. I KNOW you are going to do this. We are all going to be here on this site talking you through it. You aren't going to be alone for even one second, okay? If you are up all night because you can't sleep than before you pick up a pill you pick up your fanny and get to the keyboard and post!!!!!!!!


Hey, I was wondering where in the country we are all located. If anyone is not comfy saying that is fine but I thought it might be nice to have a clue...although it isn't really hard to figure out where NYmommy is from...LOL I am probably the biggest hick...I am actually in.....

drum rooooooooooooooooooolllllllllllllll..........

New Hampshire...MOO!!!!

[nymommy]

syd~~love the color thing..and green is one of my favorite colors ! how'd you know!..great suggestion about the "crumbs"...i gonna pre-slice all of mine and have them measured out..thanks!!!!...i am trying the alternating pattern...did my piece today..felt soo good..guess this is powerful stuff...hope everyone is doing great today...lisa let us know how mom is

[Kaidog]

Man-Oh-Man can I see the wisdom in flushing that stash a couple of days ago. For some reason, I have been so chilled these past few days................... that's never happened before. Coupled with the COLD weather and just feeling creepy from the continued w/d, I'd have gobbled anything I had today to get rid of the chills. No kidding, I would have taken birth control pills if need be to feel better. There is no way I could have resisted if there were still a couple of hundred Norco's sitting in a drawer somewhere.

Glad I got rid of em.

I've never had these chills like this before. I haven't been this cold, for this long since I was in escape and evasion school in the Army............ that was a LONG time ago.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[tom316]

Yo! Sydbean! What's going on? Thanks for the reply but, I'm nobodys hero. With what is currently going on, my thoughts about addiction are changing! Just remember "64 and still here!" that's going to be my next tattoo! hit me back!!!

[Hillbilly 1]

Yes making the sub up in peaces is the way. I use a razer blade to get them all the same size. sydean I see you say there is a 1ml sub. Or did you mean 2ml. I bet we see them come out in 1/2ml or 1/4ml. I would like that. Hay all. this is squach I had to re register. I think I was kicket of cause of my profile signature was a WWW site. O-well wont do that again. They say experince is what you have done wisdom is from what you did wroung. If I can do it you can keep going if you fall get back up. SAS<><

this is what works for me. A world wide meeting called The Most Excellent Way.

[philly5]

hi everyone. i came across this message board today and figured i would join in. i have been addicted to OC for just about a year now. it has really destroyed parts of my life, financially as well as certain relationships with friends. I take about 80-100 mg per day. about 3 months ago i had worked my way down to about half of that, but have since fallen back to the prior number. Im seriously considering going on SUBs. I have been dating a girl for about 3 months, and am more in love with her than any girl I have ever met. I would never forgive myself if i let painkillers get in the way of the special thing we have going. is anyone currently taking subs?

[nymommy]

kaidog..your in cali..how cold could it be?????...i had that chill thing yesterday...thick, weird goosebumps all over..even my legs, and i was indoors!!!!..horrible feeling...guess everyday brings something else~~~philly..few of us are on sub..it's the only route i ever took, so i cant compare to cold turkey...i will say it makes w/d's non-existent...it is also hard to get off of..go to the website for more info..read alot about it before your decision...if c/t isnt an option, sub might be your only choice..if you already tried weaning...good luck

[Kaidog]

nymommy:

Unusually cold for us Californians. Forecast is for the low 20's, maybe even the teens tonight. My wife and I just finished covering all the outdoor plants.

More than that though, I think it's the w/d that is causing the chills like this.

Hate it!

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[nymommy]

kai...wow that is cold..are you northern or southern...as i once said i love cali (northern)...and chills are definitly on the list of w/d's...im in my house right now w/ a ski cap on....

[nymommy]

hey all~~~update..lisa's mom's diagnosis is still not complete..but she's holding strong and getting through this...as we know she would..just thought i'd let you all know...

[sydbean]

Hey all~ Hmmmm no word from Babysteps tonight. I don't like that. I hope she is well. I know she is sneaking up on the C/T thing and she has been dreading it. I hope she isn't off using the last of all she has...although I have to say that is probably exactly what I would be doing, so who am I kidden' right? Anyone heard from her??

Let's think good thoughts for her!!!

It seems to me (in reference to w/d and all the chills and other symptoms) that each time I put myself through w/d especially a c/t situation I come up with not only all the old favorites for symptoms but each time I go through it I seem to pick up a new one to add to the list. Does this happen to anyone else?? Funny but the last time I went through it was the first time I had the chills myself. I would get this chill and it would start at my feet and creep up my body and the goosebumps would follow and normally if I got goosebumps from a chill any other time they go away in a few minutes. Not these w/d goosebumps they seem to come on and stay. Then I can't get warm to save my life until all of a sudden out of nowhere I realize I am now feeling all stuffy and I am starting to sweat and my neck and arms are all sticky and gross so I start ripping off all my stuff and before I can even begin to feel relief all of a sudden I am cold again..............I think you get the idea. Anyone else ever had that? It sucks.

I am very glad I am not going through it now but I know I need to be sooner or later. I wish I could just get some balls and do it. Just stop. But I can honestly tell you I would rather chop of my arm with a dull kitchen knife without novicaine rather than go through w/d. honestly. If someone gave me the choice and said if they did that I would be able to put the d.o.c. down and not have any w/d..I would do it in a second. Honestly. I wouldn't even care about the pain. There is just nothing worse than w/d for me. The feeling behind my knees and in my elbow makes me want to peel my skin off. I wonder if it is that bad for everyone and I know it must be but then I read about people who make it through the entire w/d and I don't know how they do it. I have never made it past the entire thing. After about seven days one time I was so sick and wacked out of my mind, in agony no sleep for a week you know the drill but honestly I think if I had to go another day I would have killed myself. I have no doubt about it. Some people have said to go in patient and the thought that if I got to that point again and they wouldn't let me out or I coudn't find relief is so far beyond terrifying to me that I can't even picture it. I really do feel like there is no way out for me at this point. I just can't seem to taper (as most addicts cant) and I know I cant go c/t. It sucks.

Sorry for all that. I really just meant to agree about the chills but I guess I needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening guys. I will much less blah, blah, blah poor me next time. SORRY!!

Syd

[ComingHome]

Kaidog, hang in there buddy. You are heroic.

Well, I have completed day 3, no opiates. I've been on kind of an emotional rollercoaster. I met with my old sponsor today for about an hour and that seemed like it really helped. Also went to another NA meeting - I think that is four days in a row for meetings. It is starting to rub off on me.

Coming Home

There is ALWAYS hope

[Baby Steps]

Hey All Baby Steps checking in! Syd you are such a sweetheart and I read your post just in time! I want to thank you for your wonderful words of encouragement. Yes I did finish up all I had and remembered all the things I wasn't able to do when I tried this the 1st time like simple things such as filling up my gas tank, making sure I had soups, jello, vitamin water strong vitamins, a stock of melatonin and pleanty of bottled water!! I worked and worked and worked at work to get way ahead of myself and got through my audit which I scored a 96% of 100% and in my industry that is excellent so I was so pleased to have also gotten that out of the way!!! I brought all my quarterly work home yo be able to do here and have told the world I am not available this weekend until sometime next week so I am not feeling the guilt of not being social.

It's like preparing for a long trip (kinda true) and making sure I have everything I need because this girl will not be available or worth a darn for some time! I'm so scared but I am determined and I Thank You all so much for being here for me because I may not be able to post a lot once this all starts as I so remember not having the energy to do much more than read the 1st time so I will check in with brief posts here and there but daily so you guys all know how I'm doing. I am so blessed to have met you all and I want to Thank you all again in advance!

Welcome to all the newbies.... I can't remember all the names right now but I promise I will remember you more if you continue to stay in touch with us. Hang in there in whatever place you are and know you hqve come to the right place for support! every single person on this board are incredible. I've laughed, cried and rejoiced with all of them and you'll all fit right in! Keep us posted.

Lisa Girl.... I read NY's post regarding Mom and please let us kmnow as soon as you hear something. You both have been on my heart off and on all day. As far as the relationship aka the ex... Is that all working out ok? Stay strong... Only you know what's best and if you feel it was unhealthy than it probably was but it doesn't make it any easier. You have a lot of history and this is a very vulnerable time for you as far as needing some kind of support.

Kai and ComingHome.... Keep on rolling!!!! Excellent! I'm soo proud of you and am right behind you.

NY... I was so happy to hear you had such a great day!!! That's Awesome... I wish and pray you have another one tomorrow.

To everyone... I can't sleep as I think I'm already starting w/d so I'm going to start the water and melatonin and say a prayer for peace and strength.

Luv Ya guys!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps ... To Recovery!

[Baby Steps]

Oh BTW Syd... I'm in Northern Virginia just south of DC. And Our weather has been cali's normal weather!!! It's crazy! We've had weather in the 70's and it's January!!! Even our ski lodges can't keep the man made snow from melting up in the mountains!!! But I could care less cause I'm not seeing skiing in my near future! I see my nice comfy (Nice clean sheets too) BED!

I'll bet it's beautiful where you are!!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps

[Kaidog]

Baby Steps:

How'z about giving us our weather back? 3:15 a.m. and it's 24 degrees outside right now. Probably have another 2 or 3 degrees to give before the thermometer starts back up.


Best of luck this weekend. You're at exactly where I was a week ago. I do feel a bit better today but still have a bit of the chills. I've never had those before...........not like tgis anyway. Today though I'm thinking it may just be the weather and not the w/d. Sure hope so. Not much in the way of cravings and still a bit of rls but NOTHING like last time I went CT.

Probably the greatest thing is that I feel mentally really clear and I'm excited that the worst is in the past. Y-E-A-H !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll post more once I get inot the office but for now, I'm going to jump into the shower, unless the water's frozen!

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[nymommy]

syd~~maybe you mentioned it before, but how come you've never tried the sub...if w/d's is your fear, sub might suit you~~again i apologize if you addressed this already~~babysteps, i wish you all the best this weekend..seems your prepared to bunker down..what vitamins are you taking?...l-ty- something is suppose to be good..cant remember the full name, sorry...good luck, keep us posted when you can~~kai...seems your having an easier time, this time around??...yea, easy for me to say!

[Kaidog]

quote:Originally posted by sydbean


Funny but the last time I went through it was the first time I had the chills myself. I would get this chill and it would start at my feet and creep up my body and the goosebumps would follow and normally if I got goosebumps from a chill any other time they go away in a few minutes.

sydbean:

Girl have YOU got it right! I made the mistake of riding my motorcycle last Saturday and even though I wore really good gear, my feet froze and haven't thawed-out yet!

I do feel a bit better today though.

Best to everyone. Especially thinking of those who are just embarking on this journey or who are just thinking about it.

God Speed.


Clean Date = 01/05/07

[Kaidog]

Baby Steps:

LOVE your analogy to the "long journey" .......... How true!

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[Baby Steps]

Good Morning Everyone!!! Thanks for the posts... Much needed today for sure!

Kai... You are so sweet but sorry I can't let you have this weather back right now... I really really need it! LOL But I will share for sure. [8D]

NY... Thanks so much for your prayers and thoughts as well... the vitamins I bought are Life Fitness Womens Multi w/extra B's and it says recommended for stronger bones and muscles so lets see if this works cause I so remember my bones and muscles were in terrible shape the 1st time. I started taking them the beginning of this week.

Syd. What can I say... You are a gem! Thanks for your support on this board as well as others on this site... I absolutely love your feistyness!!

Okay, I am already feeling the pains... My stomach is cramping like crazy and I'm sneezing like mad (double sneezing at a time) what's that all about? Oh and of course muscles are very sore but I'm ok... I will survive!! After all... I am fully prepared with my survival kit and God! The only thing I didn't get done yesterday was get my nail fixed so I guess I'll be c/t with a broken nail cause it will be some time before I'm able to get th9is fixed now! LOL Oh well... who's gonna see me right? LOL

Lisa Girl... How's Mom? How are you sweetie?

Luv you guys!!

Hugz,

Baby Steps ... To Full Recovery

[jwcartwright]

quote:Originally posted by liberty

I am throwin' you some support Cookie. I am going through the same stuff myself. I have been clean for about 6 days now, and it has been one of the toughest things I have done in my life. keep movin' forward, the sunshine is coming.

I am here for you if you need.[8)]

Liberty
ONE PLANET ONE TRIBE

[sydbean]

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellooooooooooooooo Kiddos!!!

Does everyone want their own color today (not coordinated enough to remember all the same ones from last time....sorry!!)...are any of you old enough to remember the show Romper Room? The crazy lady started the show by saying "romper stomper bomper boo who do I see in my mirror today" and she had this mirror with no glass and she would look through it to the kids.......no huh? I am nuts, I know!!!

[:I]NyMommy~ When I first heard of Sub I was so thrilled and then I did the research and realized that it is not an option for me. I am on a very, very high dose of Methadone (pain management) and the switch is hard even for those on less than 30mg. so I am pretty sure it isn't for me. I have also heard the kick is about the same anyway. Not sure about that but I was sad to learn it wasn't the magic bullet. I was really excited about it at first. <sniff,sniff>

[]Kaidog~ Ya know what you need. Those slippers that have the heat source in them. They sell those here in New Hamp. They are kinda like a block thing you slip your feet into and then turn on like an electric blanket. Fab-U-LOUS!!!!!!!!!

Philly5~ Welcome. Keep posting. NYMOMMY has some Sub experience so I will defer to her on this one.....

[:0]ComingHome~ Keep going to those meeting..ya know what they say..what doesn't kill you will make you stronger...LOL just kidden. I have been a few times and the people were great!!!!

[^]BabySteps~ Hey you. How is it? I hate to ask....I see you are already in the thick of it. UGH!! I totally knew what you were talking about with filling the gas tank. LOL I remember one time I wouldn't go anywhere because the thought of having to go through the steps to do that seemed like it would be harder than climbing a mountain!!! Keep on going!!!! Your doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!(Lucky you with the weather!!)


As for anyone I have forgotten....My hands are cramping...lol...I will have to rest up and post again later. LOL!!

(Lisagirl~ you and your Mom are in our thoughts and prayers. Post when you can!!!)

[tamara02]

hey All, Just wanted to say hello!!!Boy' lots of new names,hi Lisa ,Ive been keeping up w/all posts,I am praying for your family,this is my 3rd mo on the sub,will start tapering soon.Have a good day everyone!!Tamm

[Baby Steps]

Hey Syd... I Love the color purple but green is good too... $$$ LOL And so sad but true... I remember Romper Room!! Yikes I'm dating myself. And Oh how I know what you mean about climbing a mountain would be easier than getting out of my car on day 4 and pumping gas! It was horrible. I can remember the nozzle felt like it weighed 600 pounds!!! So I was not in the mood to get gas last night due to the start of W/D but I just knew I was in much better shape than I'll be on Tuesday so I did it and I feel great that I did cause right now I'm in pretty bad shape but taking my aspirin and immodium and just staying in bed!

Hey Tam! How are you? You never post much...we'd like to know how the heck your doing too girl! Please update us.

Hey Kai and Coming Home.... How are you guys today? Please let me know cause I am so right behind you here....

Lisa Girl... Still Praying Girl!!! Hope your doing ok...

NY ... How are you today girl??? I hope you are having a good day like yesterday!!!

Hey Newbies... What's up? How are you guys today???

Okay, Gotta run (no, crawl) to the bathroom... I'll be back later... Yikes... The cramping and leg muscle pain is sooo bad today... I hate this!!! Baby Steps.... Baby Steps.... I'm only on day 1 what can I expect.... I know 1 thing... That Melatonin knocked me out til 10am this morning! Praise God cause the one thing that killed me the 1st time was the lack of sleep!!!

Hugz All,

Baby Steps to Recovery

[lizaowen81]

Good Afternoon everyone. I have not posted in about a week. I haven't been using, I've just been really sick and so have my baby and my two year old. I actually stayed at my mom's for a few days so she could take care of the baby for me while I slept. My hubby wants me to start going to meetings, I know I need to, I have a million excuses, time being the main one. I have not had a pill since 12/21/2006. It really does get easier every day. Obviously the physical part is long over, but the mental is the hardest with me. Congrats Kaidog on jumping back on. I have gone back on this board and remember reading your posts a few months back. You had a pretty nice size habit there, c/t for you must really be hell. Babysteps I will pray for you and Lisagirl too. I still have motivation problems, but my girlfriend and I (she stays at home with her babies like me) comes over every day and we workout. It helps tremendously with energy. I have been praying alot lately because some days I feel so weak. Can I really stay off opiates for the rest of my life? What if I get preggo again and have to have a third c section, what do I do then?

liza

[Kaidog]

Baby Steps:

Hang tough girl. I know that everyone is different but this time around for me day 4 and 5 were the worst. It's a bit hard to predict precisely as I had tapered rather dramatically and I'm sure I was in w/d already when I quit all together. None the less, it's great that you are starting again. Today is day 8 and I do feel better but still a bit of the chills and not quite the energy levels I would like. Then again, I didn't take my vitamins today and that can't be good.

Lizaowen81:

Yeah, I did have quite a habit. I've always been that way. If one makes me feel better then 6 at a time must be GREAT. Talk about an addictive behavior!

Congrats to you on the clean time. Three weeks seems so huge to me as I struggle through each day. Don't worry about the "what if's" (like getting pregnant again and the "C" section thing). I have found that I just need to deal with the here and now and not worry about the what if's. Again, [u]three weeks is huge </u>and you've been through sooooooooooo much already. It would be a shame to relapse now and have to do it all again. I KNOW!!!! Been there - done that so many times before.

Clean Date = 01/05/07

[nymommy]

liza..congrats...it is hard to say/think...i can never do opiates again..thats the mental end of it!!!funny bout the c-section...i had 1 and remember pushing that nurse call button every 2 hrs..and like magic a nurse would come w/ pills...that plus, someone was caring for my newborn (obgyn nurses)...i remember thinking..i never want to leave here!!!...and that was way before i had any pill problems!

[Baby Steps]

Congratulations and Good Job Liz!!! Keep it up... you are doing great! I hope I am able to get there as well but I know it is 1 second at a time. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well and oh what a blessing to have family to help with the kids. I can't imagine having to go through this with the responsibilty of taking care of young ones. I'd feel so guilty for not being 100% it would probably cause me to relapse. So My Hats Off to all of you who have to go through this with children.

Hey Syd... I think I'll give you red.... for your feistiness!!!

Oh how my head is swimming and the taste in my mouth is terrible! Tooth paste is not helping! [xx(]


Hugz,

Baby Steps

[Baby Steps]

Hey! What happened to the red font???? Hmmm... I guess I won't give you red on the board syd... But truly in spirit!!

[8D]

Baby Steps