[arlenewla]

The la-la land of Methadonia.

As one who also was in active addiction for 22 years...inclusive of 7 years on Percodan at 50 per day...then 15 on Methadone, the statement that Clinics should be more stringent is Utopian baloney.

You can't bull-sh*t an old time bull-sh*tter who no longer lives in Methadonia.

Arlene F.
Exodus from MMT; 12/25/02
There is no easier, softer way; if nothing changes, nothing changes

[LISA GIRL]

arrgh! I just typed my entire post and hit something which "magically" erased it.. anyone ever do that?

Yet another question for Arlene. I have been on suboxone for a little over two months... I was given a prescription for 8 mg per day (4x2mg). After the first few days I was most comfortable with 6 mg and have gradually moved to 4 mg. Just this week only because I have been busy have only taken the one 2 mg dose in the morning. I take ambien to sleep EVERY night. Well last night after a very stressful day I took 2 mg of ativan. (i had taken 1mg once or twice before and it seemed to have no effect so I took two) I didn't know if I should take my ambien on top of the ativan, so I chose not to.

At about 2 am I woke up with withdrawal symptoms...mostly anxiety and restless legs. I got up and took another sub and felt fine after 20 minutes. I went back to sleep. Today I awoke, feeling HORRIBLE...groggy, almost drugged or hungover...not good. I have two questions actually..

1. Any ideas why I feel so horrible? Is this a common side effect from ativan?

2. I was freaked out by the w/d symptoms...I have gone c/t before, and this is what it felt like... could it just be that taking just the 1 sub pill daily this week is now catching up with me? Is that too drastic of a reduction? Perhaps the first few days I didn't notice anything cuz I was knocked out on ambien at night, and got up immediately and took my sub dose. But if that is the case, it would seem that using the ambien to get me thru the reduced dose at night would make sense until my body adjusts to the reduced level? I didn't seem to notice the dropped level of sub til I woke up in the middle of the night. I know I am rambling but I feel HORRIBLE right now...sick to my stomach, very tired...maybe it's just the flu...is there such thing as ambien withdrawal? I have been using it every night for two months. I would guess there might be some rebound insomnia from terminating use but would I feel like THIS? Any insight you have would be greatly appreciated.

Mike.(U.N.) I have only quit twice...the second time around for me is more difficult... I would imagine each time quitting it is harder...Were you happier when you quit for two years? Why did you start again.. For me, I just picked up a pill one day, wasn't really craving...just did it... worst mistake of my life...I'm praying for ya! You'll get there if you want it bad enough.

[mpvt]

Hey the clinics here have gotten alot more stringent.To many people dying from od's.The police go into the clinic and take the dead patients files.They found a clinic in Oshawa that knownly gave a patient carries when they were positive for cocaine.The patient later died of methadone and benzodiazepine overdose.They were found to be given way to many privledges to patients who weren't complient.So now all of those clinics won't give patients any more than 120mgs a day and you have to be clean for x number of weeks before you earn carries.This has made the other clinics sit up and take notice,we here in Ontario don't seem to get the large amount of carries that you guys\gals in the states do.The very most carries you can have is six.So the best patients still have to go in once a week and leave a UA and drop off their empy bottles.They also call every patient at least once a month and ask them to come in that day with their unused seal bottles and their used bottles and then they are asked to leave a UA.These are pretty stringent rules but it has made a noticable improvement as it gets rid of the people who really aren't there for the right reasons.So it can be done,fortunately here in Canada we have universal health care so we don't pay directly for the visits to the clinics.Methadone is usually covered by most drug plans and I'm pretty sure that the goverment pays for the people on assistance.It's not perfect but it's a lot better then it was 4 years ago when we had people nodding off and other's selling their methadone right outside the clinic.What I do know is that it has helped me alot on my road to recovery and I have actually come down to 300mgs a day from 400mgs this year.I actually dropped to 280 but I found my lumbar and siatic pain weren't controlled at that dose.I've been at 300 now for I guess 6 months and no problems.I'm lucky as the only side effect I've ever had is a low bio-available testosterone level which I've corrected with a shot once a month......Dave

[arlenewla]

quote:Originally posted by LISA GIRL
Yet another question for Arlene. I have been on suboxone for a little over two months... I was given a prescription for 8 mg per day (4x2mg). After the first few days I was most comfortable with 6 mg and have gradually moved to 4 mg. Just this week only because I have been busy have only taken the one 2 mg dose in the morning. I take ambien to sleep EVERY night. Well last night after a very stressful day I took 2 mg of ativan. (i had taken 1mg once or twice before and it seemed to have no effect so I took two) I didn't know if I should take my ambien on top of the ativan, so I chose not to.

At about 2 am I woke up with withdrawal symptoms...mostly anxiety and restless legs. I got up and took another sub and felt fine after 20 minutes. I went back to sleep. Today I awoke, feeling HORRIBLE...groggy, almost drugged or hungover...not good. I have two questions actually..

1. Any ideas why I feel so horrible? Is this a common side effect from ativan?

2. I was freaked out by the w/d symptoms...I have gone c/t before, and this is what it felt like... could it just be that taking just the 1 sub pill daily this week is now catching up with me? Is that too drastic of a reduction? Perhaps the first few days I didn't notice anything cuz I was knocked out on ambien at night, and got up immediately and took my sub dose. But if that is the case, it would seem that using the ambien to get me thru the reduced dose at night would make sense until my body adjusts to the reduced level? I didn't seem to notice the dropped level of sub til I woke up in the middle of the night. I know I am rambling but I feel HORRIBLE right now...sick to my stomach, very tired...maybe it's just the flu...is there such thing as ambien withdrawal? I have been using it every night for two months. I would guess there might be some rebound insomnia from terminating use but would I feel like THIS? Any insight you have would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Lisa ~

I'm no Sub expert, so I don't want to make any definitive statements.

What I [u]suspect</u> is that you're feeling the big drop in Sub as opposed the one Ativan.

What I also don't know is if Ativan/Ambien are contra-indicated on Sub. But I would tend to think that one Ativan would not cause you to feel so lousy.

Ambien, can, after longterm use, and cessation, cause the types of problems you've written about. The problem with Ambien is the dependency...the inability to sleep without it. And for people with prior opioid addiction...there is abuse potential. Remember...Ambien is just a little molecule away from benzo's.

There is a host of great information about Sub tapers on the following website: www.heroin-detox.com. Go to the Bup/Sub forum.

Start your own thread and post your question. Tell them Arlene sent you.

I don't want to mislead you.

But from what I've seen on that forum, you have to taper prudently and steadily...no big drops.

I'll look for your posts there. G-D's SPEED, Liz. Warmly, Ar

Arlene F.
Exodus from MMT; 12/25/02
There is no easier, softer way; if nothing changes, nothing changes

[unclenasty93]

I am currently using Dilaudid. I am crushing the pills and shooting them, unfortunately. I use 20 pills a day, 4mg each. I have been doing this for 2.5 years. I was clean in 2001 and 2002 after 30 days in rehab. I stayed clean because I finally had a "genuine" desire to do so. Before that I was on percocet for about 4 years. I was taking over 30 percs a day. I have been in and out of rehab and detox since 1997 and tried many outpatient programs as well. One thing I have learned is that an addict will not stay clean until they are truly ready. In 2001 I found that desire for the first time and I stayed clean for 2 years. In fact, when I relapsed 2.5 years ago it wasn't even becuase I chose to use, it was because I had major surgery and was put back on opiates. When I get clean again I now know that I cannot take opiates ever again, even for legitamate severe pain. My disease is way to powerful! I keep hearing more and more negative **** about methadone. It sure doesn't have me to excited about trying it. I could also do sub or just try to detox. I hate this. I wouldn't wish an addiction on f'ing Adolf Hitler!!!!!!!!!!

[arlenewla]

quote:Originally posted by unclenasty93

I am currently using Dilaudid. I am crushing the pills and shooting them, unfortunately. I use 20 pills a day, 4mg each. I have been doing this for 2.5 years. I was clean in 2001 and 2002 after 30 days in rehab. I stayed clean because I finally had a "genuine" desire to do so. Before that I was on percocet for about 4 years. I was taking over 30 percs a day. I have been in and out of rehab and detox since 1997 and tried many outpatient programs as well. One thing I have learned is that an addict will not stay clean until they are truly ready. In 2001 I found that desire for the first time and I stayed clean for 2 years. In fact, when I relapsed 2.5 years ago it wasn't even becuase I chose to use, it was because I had major surgery and was put back on opiates. When I get clean again I now know that I cannot take opiates ever again, even for legitamate severe pain. My disease is way to powerful! I keep hearing more and more negative **** about methadone. It sure doesn't have me to excited about trying it. I could also do sub or just try to detox. I hate this. I wouldn't wish an addiction on f'ing Adolf Hitler!!!!!!!!!!

Well....actually I would. Think it would be totally fitting. LOL!

Yup, Mike...unfortunately, you've got a goodly size habit going on...no doubt.

Are you able to go inpatient again...is this an option?

If not, then I would think it a better alternative to Methadone.

Sub was not available when I got on Methadone many years.

And as I just suggested to Lisa, if you do choose this over the inpatient detox route, I would suggest that you post your question on www.heroin-detox.com

Very knowledgeable about the pro's, con's, length of time suggested, induction doses, etc.

The critical point again, like with Methadone, is to keep the induction dose low...not the 24 or 32mg that are sometimes used.

As I understand it...and again...from what I've read...8mg can well work as a ceiling dose.

Then, come off quickly. Do not linger. Again, the longer on, the longer the duration of the WD and PAWS.

Hope I've helped. Let me know if I can be of any further assistance. Warmly, Ar

Arlene F.
Exodus from MMT; 12/25/02
There is no easier, softer way; if nothing changes, nothing changes

[tamara02]

hi,Guys..how all is well ,haven't posted lately but am reading your posts,Mort.,Lisa how are you...great I hope ,getting ready for the holidays,I;ve got a couple of cleanong girls over here today to help me clean,I still dont have very much energy,well take care and have a merry christmas !!!Will write soon,Tamm

[downindumps36]

Hello,
I'm new to this board. I need some help. I quit 30mgs of methadone cold turkey 19 days ago. I got through withdrawl and believe that I have little or no mental addiction. My problem is I can not sleep. I can not fall asleep and if I do, I only sleep for about an hour at a time. I can't find a doctor to help me. I'm on 1mg klonipin per day. This use to make me pass out cold. Now it does nothing to me. I tried upping my dosage and still nothing. What do I do? How long will this last. I thought I would be over everything by now.

[arlenewla]

quote:Originally posted by downindumps36

Hello,
I'm new to this board. I need some help. I quit 30mgs of methadone cold turkey 19 days ago. I got through withdrawl and believe that I have little or no mental addiction. My problem is I can not sleep. I can not fall asleep and if I do, I only sleep for about an hour at a time. I can't find a doctor to help me. I'm on 1mg klonipin per day. This use to make me pass out cold. Now it does nothing to me. I tried upping my dosage and still nothing. What do I do? How long will this last. I thought I would be over everything by now.

Hi there ~

I gott'a tell you, if you jumped @30mg 19 days ago and the only side effect you're experiencing is a interrupted...or little...sleep...YOU'RE IN GREAT SHAPE!

Sleep deprivation is probably the longest lasting of all the WD effects of Methadone. Without doubt.

I understand. I used to fall asleep for about 20 minutes and then wake up like a deer caught in headlights.

Don't freak.

Take hot showers during the night...as many as you can.

Please...stay away from Klonopin or other benzo's. Your likely to end up with a new addiction.

Try Valerian Root or Melatonin. They've got short windows so be in bed when you take them...ready when you feel the least bit sleeply.

Stay away from caffein (including colas). Try green tea instead.

Drink a lot of water...flush the remaining sh*t out of your system.

Exercise during the day...both to rebuild the natural endorphins and tire yourself out.

Keep your bedroom as dark as possible. Block out all sound.

Frankly, no one can tell you how long this is going to last. Everyone is individual...for some longer than others.

But please remember, no one ever died of lack of sleep. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Just hold on!

And most off...be grateful that you've had the courage to get off of it...bravo! Warmly, Arlene

Arlene F.
Exodus from MMT; 12/25/02
There is no easier, softer way; if nothing changes, nothing changes

[downindumps36]

thanks for your reply. Dont get me wrong. The first week was pure hell. It has gotten better but the lack of sleep is starting to make me loose it. Is there any chance that Melatonin will actually help if klonipin does absolutely nothing? I was only on the methadone for about 30 days. I keep reading that the insomnia lasts for months. Its quite depressing if thats what I have to deal with.

[sparky]

Hey.....where is everyone......no one is sharing their ups and downs here lately....are we all busy with the holidays....sure like reading and replying and knowing someone cares out there who is in our similar shoes.....just saying Hi....take care all

[Baby Steps]

Hello Everyone! I'm Lori, I'm a 45 year old professional woman in a very fast passed industry and am responsible for a very large company. I've been reading this post since Friday (every page!) and have gotten thru 5 days now of C/T withdrawal from a 10 7.5/500 hydrocodones taken for severe hip pain from being hit by a tractor trailer twice 1 yr ago on I-95 in Northern VA. If anyone knows this area on 95 in Northern VA is an Accident always waiting to happen.

What has happened is I was only supposed to take 6 a day but it began not being enough so I would just take more and more to the point that I was going through 60 pills in 6 days! I would run out before refill was ready and would make up stories to the pharmacy to get my refills early... No problems. Then this past Friday when I called in for my refill my Dr's office didn't call in the refill and yep you got it! OMG The hell I went through! I didn't know what was happening to me! I've never had this happen to me but I started to suspect withdrawal because like all the posts before I had the lack of sleep! OMG that was almost second worse to the diarrhea and EVERYTHING Else! Sheesh... All I wanted to know was how long on Friday but by Saturday I was in BAD shape! Thank God I live on my own and could just curl up and die on my own! But because it had already gotten bad I wasn't able to get the Immodium or vitamins but I drank as much water as I could and took a lot of Melatonin (which I use anyway) and read this post for encouragement and advice and to help pass the time that seemed to go by soooo slooowww for the first 2 days. Well, as I was going through this I decided I was not going to take this anymore because I have turned into a slave with it. I felt like everyone else, I could do more, I had so many better hard days... blah blah blah. However, I just can't allow this to control me.

Fast forward to today (cause I absolutely could not go into work Friday or Monday) I felt so much better yesterday by the end of the day (not complete but at least a lot of the physical was gone with my muscles!) I knew I had to go in today to prepare for the company xmas party (Very Hard) this Thursday. I woke up feeling so so bad again, like heart pounding, feeling like I was going to pass out and so weak I couldn't walk very good or lift my arms but... I still had to go in... 2 hours (Baby Steps I kept saying) to get ready (normally takes 45 minutes) kept thinking that refill that's been waiting for me for 2 days would make my life so much easier, then I'd look up to God (who by the way is the only one with me to give me peace through what I'm sure would've been worse) and Say, "Okay Daddy, carry me through this please! and Forgive me for doing this to myself" and I would feel better long enough to just keep taking quick sit downs in between my tasks of getting ready for work. This seemed to work. My hour (through traffic) to work wasn't so easy... Big fog, perception and muscles were a mess! I got in my car and said "OH No! I'm out of GAS! That means I have to get OUT OF THE CAR AND PUMP GAS LIKE THIS? Well, I did and I did fine! I got to work and everyone (who thought I had the flu) brought me Vitamin water, B-12 (I knew to ask for this because of you guys-Wink!) Jello, Chamomile Tea and Immodium AD (which I really don't need anymore but let them get it anyway just in case.

I just want to say... I drove past that pharmacy holding 120 Hydros w/a refill twice today and didn't even think twice about it! I have made an appt for physical therapy hoping this will ease the pain and I will just do less physically (which has hurt my hip) and I pray I never go back! It is a powerful Addiction! Please don't get me wrong I in know way feel this was easy... It was not but it is possible to go C/T if you want to and have the mindset (not because you are forced) and at LEAST 5 days off work as well as:

Alot of Water
2 Extra strength Excederine every 4 hrs (just til this is over)
Vitamins (B's)
I take blood pressure meds and this may have helped
I preferred being alone and wrapped up in my bed
a hot shower when possible
Immodium AD (FOR SURE) for the first 2 days
and Melatonin

By day 3 I was able to scarf down 2 pieces of butter toast

4th day 4 pieces of both peanut butter (proteins) and butter toast and again LOTS & LOTS of water and Jello if you want more I would not recommend broth because of the sodium, your heart is already going to be going thru a lot more than usual and pumping out of your chest.

But I can say, although weak right now and a few headaches and because of all of you (I only remember a few names right now but I haven't seen Girly Girl lately.... I hope your doing well, and Chrish... I hope all is going better for you Oh goodness there are far too many I could go on and on but you all know who you are and I've come very close to you and want to be here for you guys as well if I can encourage anyone! I just want to Thank you all for getting me through this! I know it is baby steps and 1 minute at a time... Pray for me...

I'm sorry for the long post and I hope I get to chat w/you guys soon...

Peace and Love to All,

God Bless!

[LISA GIRL]

Lori....What a great read! Good for you! Brought me back to my first time quitting, all the symptoms......one thing to watch out for...once I was past day 5, the physical symptoms began to evaporate but I was swept up in a tidalwave of emotion. I would cry for no reason...lots of sadness...like I had lost my best friend. This only lasted two weeks or so, but I had to just tell myself that I was NOT going crazy, that it was a result of the w/drawal and "this too shall pass" as Arlene likes to say. Keep posting... it is very therapeutic and you can draw a lot of encouragement from this board.


Sparky, Tammy, Arlene, everyone else still around.....Holdays=Stress!! Have wanted my percs more than usual lately...have not used any opiates.. but have used the ativan. I don't know much about those...need more info ...Arlene? I know you will tell me not to use them...and I know I probably still will...are there not some legitimate uses for these medications? I am so stressed out and don't want to use any painkillers... Work is crazy, family coming, redecorating the house.... and I don't think a Calgon bubblebath will do the trick. Kind of in a funk but hope everyone is doing well! Where is everyone?

[nymommy]

babysteps~~~great job..this forum whether you post or not is soo helpful..i wish you lots of luck..some days are better than others

[Baby Steps]

Hi Lisa Girl! Thanks for the welcome and the Warning! Yikes!!! Are you serious? I am so not an emotional person, this would def. drive me nuts! I will be prepared and I truly appreciate your advice. I am so affraid that when the reminder (the physical withdrawal) fades out I will be so tempted to go P/U the refills and I am Determined Not To and that is one of the reason I found and Love this site and hope I can stay strong like all of you!

Would you mind telling me what page your story is on so I don't have to ask you a bunch of questions you've probably already answered like what were you addicted too and how long clean?

Again, Thanks so much and I am so glad to meet you... Have a Great Night Lisa and all!!!

Lori

[Baby Steps]

Thanks so much NYMOMMY! I totally agree! I remember reading a lot about you and most everyone on here there are so many similar stories and some make you cry and some make you smile or laugh. It is just so comforting to know we are not alone in this because I def. noticed that it has been so unpredictable one minute/day to another and even though I may feel fine today.... tonight may be hard. I'm sure you all know what I mean. My heart truly goes out to those who had to take care of young ones while enduring such misery. I couldn't get out of bed for almost 2 days and my stairs (2 sets) were my worst enemy outside of the pills! I am constantly on and off til I go to sleep at night as if it has become my fix to remind me I don't need that medicine to feel better.

You guys are all so AWESOME!!!


Have a wonderful night NY!!

BTW... I'm sure You know the 95 I was talking about huh? : )

[nymommy]

baby steps~~~yea i know 95..yikes...and you are right, the steps are your worst enemy...i still struggle, and i'm in pretty good shape!..3 mos on sub, struggling this week as i taper and the holidays are here...it's all about your resolve...mine is getting tested alot this week...just be prepared for the ups and downs..btw..welcome!

[Baby Steps]

NY - How long will you have to stay on the sub? Will you have to ween off of it or stay on it? I will def. keep you in my prayers because it sounds like you have an awful lot of distractions around you. Try and stay focused and I know what has helped me so far (of course I'm only in it 5 days) is remembering this past 5 days! OMG I don't think I'll ever forget it... Ever! I have to think of passing the CVS pharm. a victory and pray I don't become weak and drive thru to p/u that refill as it has been on my mind a few times especially this morning when I had to go back to work... I was so scared I wouldn't get through it w/o my medicine. But I did... Thank Goodness!! But it is one day at a time because I've read enough to know I am expecting mind games and emotional distress. I just Thank God I have you guys to remind me... It Shall Pass!!!

NY... Take your time while preparing for this busy emotional season... take a lot of ME breaks. Maybe that will help a little. How many children do you have?

I have 3 grown children and 1 granddaughter I adore. I have to remember them as well. Even though they are grown they count on me for those days they need to talk, need advice, need to go shopping etc... I can't let them down.

I hope you sleep well tonight.... Remember NY.... ME TIME!!!

Blessings!

Lori

[LISA GIRL]

Babysteps.... NYMOMMY and I started here at the same time... I think it was page 130 or so.... I have been off the painkillers since about October 10 or so....I have been using suboxone, as has NYMOMMY...I did the c/t before and prefer that method, but didn't have a week to take off from work this time around, and honestly was searching for a "kindler, gentler detox"


The best thing you can do is spend time reading all the posts. YOu will learn a LOT..Some differences of opinions, some drama but lots of information...and we are always here to listen and support!

[Baby Steps]

Lisa and NY... Congratulations on your clean time!!! That is awesome! I can understand completely what your talking about as far as trying to find a gentler easier way!!! I would never ever want to go thru this again. It's terrible. But I can say... If I wasn't able to take the time off of work I don't know what I've done! I actually needed today too but had no choice and I didn't want my staff wondering why the flu was taking 5 days! You are right about the drama... LOL What about that Mort? I found her to be brutally cruel on Abey. Every single post of hers to Abey was like a kick me while I'm down! I think it was you took care of it and I was so so happy to see taht because we are all here going thru the same thing. We may have chosen different methods of coping or withdrawal but whatever it is we make our own choices and have sweet honest people hear to listen and help cope! So Thanks so much for changing the forum back to support.

Like I said You Guys R Awesome!!!

Blessings,

Lori

[nymommy]

babysteps..i have 2 kids..both who still need me..the pills always helped me get thru the day to day "needs"...unlike you, i took them for no other reason, but recreation..sad but true..i'm on the sub 1 month earlier than lisa..i'm weaning now, down low enough to be struggling..today was tough..keep posting/reading..my biggest strength has been this forum...now i mostly read, but still soooo helpful!

[Baby Steps]

NY, after taking the hydros and feeling how they made me feel, I can see why and how anyone who tries them for the first time could get hooked! They make you feel numb to everything that would hurt physically and mentally and put you on top of the world with energy even the most fit doesn't have! I think that's why they call them "Happy Pills"! No matter what it is that draws us there.... we got there because someone made that feeling available to us. It's just horrible to find out the end result when we realize there's a problem here.

2 kids? That's awesome! I take it they are still young and at home? Is that why you appropriately chose the sub method? I can't imagine having to deal with withdrawals and have children that need me. I give you and everyone out there a big High Five and total respect for conquering this with those types of obsticles. I don't know if I could have been so strong with not picking up these refills if I had that responsibility. I probably would have gone Monday morning and picked them up in fear I wouldn't be strong enough. Good Job!!!

I know your going to do great. Thanks for chatting with me it has been such a pleasure speaking with you and Lisa Girl tonight! I really needed it trust me. By the way Lisa.... Everyone calls me Lori Girl.... How funny is that!

Smile girls!!!

Lori

[nymommy]

babysteps..i definitly choose the sub, because being out of commission was not an option...w/ the sub there are no wd's, so it is the easier way..now getting off ( you taper down), is getting a little challenging...i decided to stop entirely, and today is day 3..yesterday was bad..we will see what today is like..it is amazing you drove past cvs..you definitly will conquer this..

[Baby Steps]

Good Morning NY!! Day 3??? WOW That's GREAT!!! I am a bit curious, why did you choose the holiday season to do this? That has to be difficult... Stay Strong!!

I have to admit... it was days 1, 2 and 5 that seemed to be the worse for me. Not that the others were spent in any normal way but I was able to think a bit clearer, eat a tiny bit and read this post like crazy!!! : ) I am so sure it is and has been a very critical part of my early wd recovery for sure. I am so happy I found it! I certainly was in no mood to type but I was def. able to read read read. I don't know if you have anything for sleep but Melatonin is awesome! It still helps me every night to go down. Thank Goodness!

Well, I will pray for you today NY!! It's time now for me to get motivated (verty hard to do these days) and get my butt to work! : )

It's so funny, I used to go to CVS everyday for home items instead of tackling the grocery stores... Not anymore and I'm running out of toilet paper (due to the last 5 days... ; )) and am PETRIFIED to go in there to buy it and the shampoo I need. (I've been using hotel samples... LOL) I'll let you know how day 6 goes for me and keep me posted on your day 3....

Baby Steps NY... Baby Steps....

Have a Great Day!!!!

Lori

[Baby Steps]

PS NY... YOU 2 WILL CONQUER THIS!! I know you will. I swear what helped me was reasding all these posts... Go back to page 1 again and start all over again when you feel weak... it will help I promise!

OK... I think my vitamin water has kicked in... I am ready to get ready for work now.... Yeah!!!

Blessings to you!!!

Lori

[tinkers]

all

Lot of new people in here thats good hope every one is doing well. To some of the older people how are things going havent seen any post from mort I hope certin people havent drove you away.

[sparky]

Hi all....this is a crazy time...very hard to concentrate on being courageous and staying healthy and clean...my justifications to myself are incredible....but...that being said I will stop all this madness after the 1st... like someone said its got to be hard quitting anything during the holdays...so i've justified that one in my life....come Jan 2 I will take my prescribed suboxone and wean myself from that and also quit taking any pill to help me (comfort meds) and I will stop drinking alchohol... I know , I know this is rather harsch on myself but with my track record I think I need to do the all or nothing route....I have been noticing that I just like anything that is mind altering.... the path of least resistance...however innocent it may seem....I believe it softens my resolve of staying away from the biggy (vikes)

[LISA GIRL]

quote:Originally posted by sparky

Hi all....this is a crazy time...very hard to concentrate on being courageous and staying healthy and clean...my justifications to myself are incredible....but...that being said I will stop all this madness after the 1st... like someone said its got to be hard quitting anything during the holdays...so i've justified that one in my life....come Jan 2 I will take my prescribed suboxone and wean myself from that and also quit taking any pill to help me (comfort meds) and I will stop drinking alchohol... I know , I know this is rather harsch on myself but with my track record I think I need to do the all or nothing route....I have been noticing that I just like anything that is mind altering.... the path of least resistance...however innocent it may seem....I believe it softens my resolve of staying away from the biggy (vikes)

So are you on the sub now Sparky or did you go back to the vikes and will start after the beginning of the year. I have thought about that....a holiday "grace period" where I could use up until 1/1/07...and then restart the sub....but then I wonder how many times will I want these little mini breaks?? I will want them all the time of course so I will stay the course I guess. I see the same routine with the ativan now. I come home and automatically pop a few... I don't know what they do or if I even really feel them ...maybe it's more subtle, but it's just the habit...the routing of downing those pills...


Tinkers... I think "someone" did run Mort off...I doubt she will be back... too bad.

Baby Steps (Lori) How are you feeling today? Denver is a mess ...BLIZZARD!!!!!!!!They sent us home from work at noon and we will probably be closed tomorrow too. Yea! I can get some presents wrapped today!

[Baby Steps]

Hello All! I hope everyone had a great day today! Or let's say... Got through the day today!

Sparky: Then Jan 2nd it shall be if that's what your mind is telling you and we will all be here for you on that day and every day after! It's extremely difficult!

Lisa Girl!!! How are ya girl? You sound like you've got you a couple free days today huh??? LOL Awesome for sure!!! I will after tomorrow... Yikes with the heaviest travel day of the year... I should expect to sit in traffic for at least 6 total hours tomorrow... : (

Friends my day 6 has gone like this:

Today at work was a tough one! I had to hear "are you ok Lori?" all day! I am the motivator! I am the encourager! I am the Hero for everyone! I have been for over 5 yrs but right now... I don't have an encouraging, hero, motivating bone in my body! I swear! ARGH!!! Well day 6 is coming to a close... started out slooooowwww... had a lot of stress, traffic and issues to deal with as well as people pointing out I've temporarily checked out!!! VERY HARD! I even drove past that CVS this morning again BUT... I p/u that prescription just now and I'm so scared now!!! My one side says... "Lori! Look how far you've come blah blah blah.... And the other side says... "Did you hear what everyone was saying about you today? They don't like working for you anymore! You can't handle the pain in your bones which has been horrible, the stress, the traffic... basically NOTHING! However, I have not taken any but they are here! I just don't want to go through this again.

Thanks for listening guys! Oh and tomorrow is my company Christmas party and my Boyfriends business is throwing one on FRIDAY! OMG I feel like I'm up against the wall!!! Help!

Lori

[nymommy]

lori..i too was superwoman @ work..VERY motivated.very productive..some days now, i can barely stand it...some days i'm ok...never as "good" as i was on my pills...i'm surprised to hear you p/u your script..i can tell you, i dont think that was a good idea...i always had 2 pills in my draw during my sub treatment...one day ( recently) i was struggling BAD!!!...i had to flush them, cause i was gonna break...please be careful...the addiction will start talking to you...promise!