[LISA GIRL]

Shredded.. You are right the first few days are the most difficult...not that it is smooth sailing after that...but it DOES get easier...

Stepbystep....good for you! Stay the course.. we're rooting for you!

Abey.. You seem to spend a lot of time and energy telling Morticia what a bad decision she has made. Have you been on methadone before?



Morticia, Tammy, Sparky, Patmamma(where are you?), ChrisH, Dave (mpvt) and everyone else oh and of course NYMOMMY..( I feel like I'm doing the Good night John Boy thing) .. Hope all is well.. Have a craving and pain free night! Two days left til TURKEY TIME! I am working out double this week to be able to really eat!

[morticia]

good morning everyone,

Lisa, here I am lol i was hiding lol how are you doing today sweetie?
looking forward to Thanksgiving? are you cooking or going somewhere?
i'm going to an NA meeting in the morning on Thanksgiving just so I can get through the day, this is my first Thanksgiving without pills in 16 years OY EVY! im going to my in laws for Thanksgiving and i am nervous as hell i never went any where without my pills but im gonna keep a postive out look i'll get through this thats why i'm going to a meeting. hoping that it will help. So how much longer are you gonna be on the sub? well take your time take and take it slow.
I went to my pain doc yesterday he said that i'll have to be on methadone for the rest of my life, which i knew already when i signed the contract and when we were talking , it was eirther the meth or back surgery, and i know that back surgery can be very complicated so, i told him that i'd rather be on the meth and he said thats fine as long as i know what a commetment i would have to make, i read alot about meth and it seems like it would work for me ,i mean me and the doc went over it for about an hour and a half so i knew what i was getting into and to tell you the truth it was the best decision that i made I'm not in pain anymore for the most part and now i can sleep in a regualar bed with my hubby before i was sleeping in a recliner chair. so, the meth is really helping me the only real thing i hate about it is it makes me constapated, so he presibed a stool softner so i can go ive lost weight on the meth which is good for me cuz im really a cow lol. hope to hear from you soon sweets have a good day at work.

Tam~ where are ya girl? how are you doing ? are you feeling better on less sub? do you find yourself with more energy? what are you doing for Thanksgiving? well what ever your doing for the holiday I hope its a good one for you. I went to NA last night and said my prayers for all of yall hoping this holiday is a craving free day.

Patmomma ~ how are your teeth? how's everything going? are still on meds? we miss you hopefully you didnt get to snowed in. hope to hear from you soon.
wishing everyone a safe and happy thanksgiving


Clean Date:10/16/06

Just For Today

Luv N Hugs,
Clarkie

[oxy-moron]

quote:Originally posted by shredded20

Well I'm currently addicted to oxycontin, hydrocodone and perkiset. I snort about 1500mgs of oxy each day just to stay strait. Oxycodone is the grandaddy of all painkellers...

Buddy I sure hope that was a typo. Because there is no way in hell that someone with your spelling ability is making anywhere near enough money to support a $5000 a week pill habit. And that's assuming you've got a pretty good hookup, and you should, seeing how you're CONSUMING two large prescriptions of Oxy 80's a week. I don't think anybody lives to tell about doing twenty 80's in a day, much less every day.

[LISA GIRL]

One day til Turkey! Cannot wait...

I'm sure the few pounds I have lost since starting sub will find their way back to me. Mort...so glad you have found something to give your life back. My mom had back surgery years ago and it ended up making it worse... She probably needs it again but it is SOOO risky her doctors are advising against it (she is 81... I was a late life arrival) So she will stay on the pills rather than risk the really HORRIBLE complications that come along with surgery. I don't know... Back surgery scares the hell out of me after I saw it go awry with mom. If the meth works for you than I say for all means use it! Especially if you can be on it for life and just accept that is the way that it is..you won't have to worry bout w/d later.

I am still looking for Kaidog, Tinkers, Lazer..Amy! (you really haven't been gone long but forgot you in my post yesterday) Cranky, AngelaH, where are you guys?? Hope you are all doing well.

Oh and no Morticia, I won't cook...well I will help.. My roomie will cook..he actually enjoys it! We will have friends over....eat a ton and watch football, maybe play some games. My absolutely favorite day of the year...Hope you all have a great one!

[tamara02]

hi,EveryoneI;m here,hi morticia how are you !hope all is going well ,Im doing better,energy level seems to slowly be getting better,I am having constipation problems,too,the sub. is doing it,when I was on meth. I was that way too,but this is much worse,daily stool softener is suppost to work,though,the meth. is a really good painkiller compared to the hydros,I dont think sub.has anything in it for pain,im taking some somas for the muscle aches,it helps. I hope everyone has a nice thanksgiving!!! and No I dont have to cook this year and im sooo glad...I usually cook every year and Im glad im getting a break,it will be nice..chat w/ you all soon,,take care tamm HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

[tinkers]

All

Just wanted to say hi and to let you all know to have a nice holiday glad to see the old people as well as the new

[mpvt]

Suboxone(buprenorphene) is 40-50 times stronger then morphine and 60-80 times stronger than hydrocodone.Are you getting up and getting exercise?????When your taking opiates chronically you need to drink lots of fluids and walk a couple times a day.Good luck to you....Dave

[tamara02]

mpvt;hi,I can't imagine the sub being this strong ,I bet it will be hell to ween off of!im on 16 mg. daily but past few days taking 4mgs.less...I do need to drink more liquids and excercise,but I have been so lazy no energy or want to do anything,but I will..tamm

[PaulRemski777]

Deb,

Thank you for sharing your heart. My observations are these:

1. You started on pain meds because you were in pain, and, I shall assume they provided a reasonable degree of relief.

2. You have successfully internalized an identity of an addict and not fought that conclusion. You are DEPENDENT upon meds that relieve pain. NOT AN ADDICT. Addiction leads to dysfunctional lifestyles, participation in illegal things, etc. You do not report your dysfunction, and therefore I conclude you are a person with a medical condition in pain that needs a therapeutic medication that will leave you in a functional state.

3. In philosophy there is a thing called reductio ad absurdium...or lets reduce the argument to its MOST ABSURD extent...lets say your husband or child, come down with incurable cancer, that leaves your loved one in intractable, chronic pain. Will you deny that loved one an effective medication to address the pain. Of course you will not, and you will work with your dr. to find an effective treatment modality of opiate therapy, coupled with alternative options: accupuncture, EMDR, counseling, hypnosis, visual imagery, biofeedback, TENS units, hot packs,or whatever alternatives in addition to opiate based meds you choose.

4. Your drs have chosen to treat you as an addict as you have internalized that identity, and have agreed with their assessment. Do you have real pain or not? If yes, then you are NOT AN ADDICT and should not describe yourself as such. If you are functional and not snowed all the time, then you will prove the utility of an appropriat therapy. If you cannot work, you must not judge yourself so harshly. God can see you and your husband through this.

5. As you know methadone is a opiate based treatment, and IMHO not a good choice for treating chronic pain.

6. If you cannot live with this thing of taking opiates, then try working with a natural herbalist, build up your immunine system and begin trying probiotic regimens, + fish oil et al vitamins. See a professional. My wife has cured her crohn's disease thru this regimen.

God loves you and so do we. Release the stanglehold you have on yourself, and come to a place of acceptance or action but not complacency. You can do it.

Kind regards,
Paul Remski
16 yrs chronic pain, on third day of rtw after 13 wk detox, on minimal opiates to sustain work with brain injured as voc/cog therapist.

Paul Remski; 16 yrs Chronic back pain patient; 4 wks post detox and returning to work as TBI rehab specialist. Email: PaulRemski@twcny.rr.com

[morticia]

Hi Everyone,

Just want to wish everyone here a very happy, safe and healthy Thanksgiving[:I]

Clean Date:10/16/06

Just For Today

Luv N Hugs,
Clarkie

[chrish1]

Hi Lisa. Keep posting. I love reading. I have been busy - I picked up 4 new sponsees just in the last week. Ever since I started sponsoring people in NA, I have found huge rewards. That is also why I keep coming back to this thread - I can't keep what I have without giving it away.

Morticia, you seem like you are getting involved with NA. That will pay off for you big time in the future. It is a great long term strategy. Have you started to work the steps with a sponsor? The steps are where I started seeing some big growth personally.

Hope everybody has a great clean holiday!

Yo - can I get a shout out from VTX, NS clueless, and maybe a little girlie girl? I know you're lurking girlie.

Chrish



Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[morticia]

Hi ChrisH,
yes, i love NA its a great place to get to know other addicts even though we may not have the same drug of choice we are are still are all addicts, I just celebrated my 30 day clean and i got a keychain that says" clean and sereen for 30 days" I'm so proud of myself for once , thats great that you took on more sponsees i wish i had a sponser but i was told you have to ask for one and i'm afraid that i'll be turned down if i ask. any suggestions? i would love to sponser someone some day thats my goal future goal ...right now my goal is to go to meetings and stay clean. and of course to find a sponser.

Lisa~ how was your Thanksgiving? didja eat lots of turkey? I hardly ate at all with the consipation it was hard to eat anything, but what I ate was really good and i made it through my first holiday without pills! it really wasnt that bad. are you going shopping on this brave black friday? lol not me lol hope to hear from you soon.

Tam~ how was your holiday? hope all went well for you glad you didnt have to cook., my hubby's mom has so much left overs thats what were havin tonight my kids spent the night over there so me and hubby had a nice time by ourselves. hope to hear from you; all soon
take care[:I]

Clean Date:10/16/06

Just For Today

Luv N Hugs,
Clarkie

[LISA GIRL]

Hey All! Hope everyone had a wonderful Turkey Day! I know I did.. ate lots, watched football, played games...all as planned. It was perfect.

I did have a small test. My friend hurt her tooth and was in a pain... kind of off the cuff I offered her a percocet thinking she really wouldn't take me up on it, which she did. I thought about it for a minute and told her I couldn't give her one because it would have been too much for me knowing she was "high" on my d.o.c. so she had to settle for asprin or tylenol. She completely understood.. It was weird though. It was like a "if I can't do this no way in hell that YOU are going to". I felt kind of bad.. selfish but I felt that it endangered my cleaness. Kudos to all those alcoholics and addicts who can be around those having wine or spirits or any d.o.c. on the holidays and not indulge. This was the first holiday that I can remember that I didn't even have a glass of wine, much less a percocet! Since my friend to whom I denied the percocet cannot drink, I thought it was only fair that I didn't drink in her presence. It was fine.. left more room for turkey!

Morticia.. no way I'm shopping today! To save a few dollars on the after Turkey day sales, is not worth having to be put thru that stress! I will shop online in the comfort of my own home for the most part! Sorry that you were not able to indulge in Thanksiving as much as you would have liked. That constipation can be a nice lady at times I know.

[morticia]

Lisa~ Congrates to you you did the right thing i know its hard because when your friend hurts like that and you want to help it can be hard not too.... but you are absoulty right why should she be high like you said you didnt didnt drink because of her thats just commen curtiousy(sp)

Didnt it feel great to have a clean holiday? I felt great knowing i was clean and not all screwed up on my d. o. c. and yes it sucked not having to enjoy turkey day but today i feel better so im gonna have leftovers all over again lol.

You did the right thing dont feel bad you just didnt want to be tempted is all especially because you came so far in your recovery i think thats great! (((hug)))) now its time for me to have turkey day again talk with yall soon!

My hubby says "Thank you" for the congrates on the alcohlics being around alcholol he's a recovery alcholoicand he had nothing to drink!
yah!
take care[:I]

Clean Date:10/16/06

Just For Today

Luv N Hugs,
Clarkie

[chrish1]

Hi Morticia. Yes, I do have some suggestions on finding a sponsor. Start thinking about the message each person is sharing in the meetings and try to narrow it down to a few possibilities. Look at people in and outside the meetings and see if they smile. That is important. People who have good recovery are generally happy no matter what happens in their life. Look for somebody who has solutions and can share their experience, strength, and hope and leave you with a feeling of hope. Go with your heart, but think about it a little with your head. Start talking to those people that are potential sponsors before and/or after the meetings -see who you feel comfortable with. Also, very important... ask your higher power for guidance. Don't worry about somebody turning you down - if you develop a relationship with them outside the meetings or feel comfortable together, the sponsor/sponsee relationship will be the next logical step. You will know when it happens. Remember, people sponsor others because it helps the sponsor as much or more than the sponsee, so sponsors are always looking for people who are open minded and willing to the suggestions.

Hope that helps.

Chrish

Clean Date: 10/11/05

Drugs are a big lie. Don't believe the lie.

***HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEETINGS****

http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[morticia]

hi ChrisH~
thank you so much for your suggestions i really apprcaite them, I have a meeting today at 10 so i'll see what happends i do have one person in mind to be my sponser she was kinda hinting around but i;m not sure if that the way to go, do sponsers useally hint around?
but she does have a stronge belieif in her higher power like i do so i might ask her though i'm scared to death but I guess if i dont open up then i'll never get anywhere in NA at all.

though i have shared quite a bit at the meetings, and i find myself feeling more secure and more self esteem cuz noone laughs or snickers at you and that what I love about NA , they dont judge you they accept you the way you are. and that's great,.

Thanks again, you are a big help if i have anymore NA questions i know who to ask!

have a good day!


Lisa, Tam, hope all is well , with yall hope to hear from you soon.
[:I]

Clean Date:10/16/06

Just For Today

Luv N Hugs,
Clarkie

[chrish1]

Hi Morticia. Sponsors absolutely will hint around. Good sponsors are smart enough to know that if sponsees ask, the relationship has a much better chance for success. That is the "willingness" part that we keep hearing about. Some sponsors are very strict on that concept and will never directly ask somebody if they can sponsor them. They will hint around though. So... it sounds like the ball is in your court. Go with your heart. If you are uneasy, you may want to just start with a general question like "do you sponsor people?" Her reaction will give you enough information to go on, I suspect. Hope that helps.

Chrish

[tamara02]

hi,mort.just getting over the turkey holiday,been a couch potato today,may put up x-mas lights on the house tonite,with my lil guy,hope your doing well ??hi lisa hope you are well also,check in w/yall later tamm

[morticia]

hi ChrisH~ thanks again for all your info on NA i think i will ask that girl to be my sponser on tuesday is when i see her again for the NA womens meeting. I'll just go for it like you said the ball is in my court. I'll let you know how it goes!

Tam~ i'm glad your holiday went well, mine did too i actually put my Xmas tree up last night, which is a first for me i'm usually a scrooge when it comes to xams but i think that had to do with my addction and of course i made everybody else miserable especially my kids so this year i'm really looking forward to the holidays!

Thats great that your putting up your Xmas lights on your house with your lil guy how old is he? What is he asking Santa for this Xmas? my kids have a list the size of texas lol so what else is new right.
hope to hear from you soon.

Lisa~where are ya? hope all is well miss ya! hope to hear from you soon sweetie[:I]

Clean Date:10/16/06

Just For Today

Luv N Hugs,
Clarkie

[tamara02]

hi mort,glad you had a nice holiday,too!!!my lil guy ,Carson is 4my other lil guy is 16 yrs old,Carson wants everything in the big red toys r us book!!I told him to checkmark what he wants in the book ,he checked everything...he kind of has his days and nights mixed up right now, but Im getting ready to put him back on track..its about 2;30 am right now and he's watching cartoons,im sooo tired,well maybe we;ll get some sleep soon,,.take care talk w/ you soon..tamm goodnite All....

[PoP1306]

hey everyone. im just postin to get a little info/support.

me and a friend just went cold turkey over the weekend. we didnt stop at the exact same time, and she took one last dose last night so she could help me through the night. her withdrawals should have started throughout the night after she fell asleep, but luckily she isnt awake yet. mine started yesterday. last night was the worst night of my life, but i actually dont feel as bad today.

we've been addicted for only a few months i think, but we were each taking 7-10 hydrocodone per 12 hours, so anywhere between 14-20 in any given 24 hours. for some reason her dependancy is much worse than mine, as her withdrawals kick in much sooner and much more severely.

how much longer can we expect to be going through this? any helpful tips? i know i can handle it because im a very strong person, its just her that worries me. any help appreciated. thank you.

[mpvt]

Your looking about 4-5 days of flu like withdrawls.You two haven't been abusing for to long so it won't be as bad as it could be.Get some immodium ad and take 3-4 pills at once for stomach,advil gel caps for aches and pains,tylenol pm for sleep.Try and drink as much fluids as you can preferably gatorade or some sports type drink as it will re-hydrate you and give you some energy.Try and go for walks when you start to feel better.Walking help promote endorphin production and that makes us all feel good.Try and eat well balanced meals and stay away from the sweets for awhile.Good luck and stay clean.....Dave

[sparky]

just some thoughts about relapsing...still backsliding...still not confronting myself...will be out of pills soon....know this routine all to well...don't want to go there intellectually...can I be strong and not let it take me over.....so afraid to tell anyone I screwed up again...said I never would again....thought I was so done with pills...thought I knew I didn't want to go through w/d again...this sucks to know exactly want you don't want and still keep heading down the path to do it.... when will I have my turning point..how far will I go....sorry for the ramble....but why oh why did I say yes???

[morticia]

Sparky,
you seem to be focusing on the bad , but what about about the good? everyone one relaspes once in their recovery, you seem to be so hard on yourself dont be , at least you reconized what happened and thats a start, thats the good , dont be ashamed to tell anyone you told us and thats good, you came foward and told us thats telling someone, i think thats great!.

Your not a screw up, Sparky, you just had a a relaspe maybe you should check out NA to help you with your recovery , or are you in NA allready? NA is a great place to go especially if you feel like you cant say anything to anyone else, no one there will judge you or make you feel ashamed, they will help you get through it and help you with your relaspe, I'm in NA and its wonderful.. I never feel pressure to speak or share if I dont want to and i'm never judged because of that, i sometimes just sit and listen, which is perfectly fine.
Think about it, it seems to me that you already learned from your relaspe now its time to move foward.
let us know how you are doing good luck and keep us posted.
[:I]

Clean Date:10/16/06

Just For Today

Luv N Hugs,
Clarkie

[sparky]

Morticia ...thanks....yes, I had been to NA, but I never got a sponsor...and I think that may have helped deter my auto/response when I just picked up the pills after going through all I went through to get clean...It was so hard to finally get there on Sept 7 when I started sub to quit vikes...and then it took so much to wean off sub but I did....I would have been coming up on 90 days....I do agree I am doing good to recognize this way before its gets out of control...its just one phone call away...yes, I am way dissappointed with myself...why anyone would want to repeat what was obvious very difficult was always a mystery to me...now, to be exactly there is very humbling

[gqblu]

Sparky,

Your situation totally sucks! Not at all unique but it totally sucks!

Based on your posts you (as well as a lot of other people here) are extraordinarily intelligent people who are either very honest with themselves or completely capable of being that way but choosing not to be. I give you a ton of credit for coming onto this site and expressing how you really feel about your tribulations and successes. It amazes me everytime I read one of your posts. You are a special human being. The compassion you have shown in the past to fellow sufferers will not necessarily be returned to you by others in the "real" world. That is the tragedy of the human condition. The triumph is that you will continue to persevere none the less.

One thing you have on your side is that there will be no surprises. You know exactly what will happen when you decide to quit again. Anticipation of the coming w/d symptoms and length can be as bad as the w/d themselves. At least if you know you are going to feel like dog doo for 5-10 days, you don't have to let the anticipation get in the way of the "fun" you are having while using..hee hee. Anyways, all of us who relapse just need to realize that the minimum price we will have to pay is another bout of those joyful (ya right) w/d's. Quid pro quo Clarice

Keep it up, don't kick yourself right now and don't be glum. There will be plenty of time for that when you are in w/d's.

My thoughts are with you, from a fellow addict..Gqblu

Sorry not very helpful...wish I had a harmless pill that would automatically make us not want another pill again (or gain weight, or allow us to have bodies like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie..etc etc.) Just for the record for all my co-posters on this forum I would sell you the pill at my cost (plus a reasonable 2000% markup just cause I can.) Seriously though all of you take care!

[LISA GIRL]

Morticia and Gblu...Excellent posts to Sparky...both of you...don't know what I could add to that...

but a couple thoughts (you should know better than to think I could keep my mouth shut)

Sparky...do you think it is a self destructive type of behavior...maybe things were going just a bit too well? When I relapsed last year I was not craving particularly... one day I just picked up a pill...I wonder if there is something inherently messed up with me that I just can't let myself be too in control. Either that, OR
I just love the pills. One of the two..lol... I think it might be a combination of both. I have thought about therapy to address the first issue but have never followed thru...

Also.. I know you were big on getting off the sub quickly... for me, I think I will need to be on it for a longer period until I am confident that the cravings... the habit of taking pills are gone.. I don't trust myself at all to go off the sub yet. Yesterday I took an ambien in the middle of the afternoon... no clue why...just felt like I NEEDED a pill. Why is that feeling still there after 6 weeks I wonder..you were near 90 days...when are we "safe.?" Maybe I'll be sub "lifer." I don't know...sorry to be rambling...I feel like such a downer...the point is ...what is my point? lol...You are not alone.. do not beat yourself up...just get back on that horse again...when you are ready...we are here for you then...and now!

[tamara02]

hi lisa,I know what you mean ,taking the ambien in the middle of the day,cause you felt you needed a pill...Im doing the same thing with somas all week,,,I just seem to feel better after taking a soma or 2,im not really craving the hydros,just something .I know its because of being used to taking something all the time,maybe it will pass ,im going to my sub doc. wed,am.first time since she put me on the stuff,did you happen to see daves post about how much stronger sub is compared to anything else?well anyways its abt.3am and im up and drinking coffee,maybe ill take a nap later,hope all is well for you,say Hi! to mort.tamm

[morticia]

good morning Tam~
how are you doing? me ok its about 5 :30 here and i'm up since 3:30 just listening to music so your gonna see your sub doc on wed.? you havent see her since you have been on the sub? how long is that now? i was floored about what Dave said too that sub is stronger than
hydros he even said meth is stronger i think he's on meth too. well, i guess sub and meth are both stronger but ones for pain and sub isnt or is it.? I dont know much about sub only what you and Lisa has said. do the soma's help? ive been on soma before for back spasms but no luck they didnt help, i take pills everyday so i know what its like to have to take a pill i have to take mine for my head (head meds) i hate it i hate swollowing them i hate taking them but at the same time i have a need to take them..just to satifiy myself but i really do need them other wise i'll end up in the mental hospital. unforunitly.

good luck on wed let us know how you made out.

Lisa~ how have you been? that was some good advice you gave Sparky, i hope he's ok I'm sure he will be , maybe if he gets back into NA he'll feel a bit better, he said he didnt have a sponsor i dont have one either but i'm gonna get up the guts and ask someone i have in mind , im nervous ,.but i have to ask otherwise i'll never know. its so hard to ask for a sponsor i thought it would be differnt that the sponsor askes you . but thats not the case i wish it was, i pray that Sparky finds a sponsor and that he be ok. take care hope to hear from you soon sweets.

Sparky, how are you doing? i have a womens NA group tonight and i'll remeber you in my prayers that you'll get over this which i know that you will it'll just take some time. take care and keep us posted.
[:I]

Clean Date:10/16/06

Just For Today

Luv N Hugs,
Clarkie

[tamara02]

hey,Mort. how are you??It will be a month since I have seen the doc,and what dave said that sub is alot stronger than meth and hydros,but I wonder if it helps for pain? the somas give me a nice lil buzzz...and I do sleep great on them,the constipation is the worst,still need to talk to my doc abt.that.Im glad your meetings are going great,,I will start going have slacked alot ,my 4 yr old Carson is got his sleep pattern all screwed up ,up all nite sleep most of the day ,but if I can just keep him up til atleast 5 or6 he'll sleep alnite,wish me luck..talk at you soontamm