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Pain killer withdrawal journal
  1. #1
    Cabe 5 is offline New Member
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    Thumbs up Pain killer withdrawal journal

    Hi all,
    I thought it might be helpful to keep a running diary of how I am feeling over the next few days. I am currently detoxing from around 10-15 hydrocodone pills a day for what I think has been the last 6.5 months. Of course it started slowly but my early march I had peaked and by April I was only getting joy out of them the first 5 hours of the day.
    I will try to make this brief. I know many of you have not he mental patience (as I feel rightnow) to deal with long winded info that are not pertinent to what you want to know, which is basically "how much does it suck? and how are you truly feeling" without any BS mixed in to make it seem rosier that this quick little hell tunnel we dive into actually is. I just hope to provide you a flashlight and maybe some supplies.
    Every addict does this either fully prepared, under prepared, not prepared at all. Some actually make it without much looking back, but others, not matter how determined stumble early and often.
    i cannot account for your personalities and lifestyles. Mine? I and a 37 year old artist that works from home. I have the freedom to beat the living piss out of myself if I feel like it. Problem is, I still have deadlines and painting oil portraits feeling like death is going to be any more helpful than if I was in an office setting.
    I have detoxed 2 times before. Both with out any help of benzos at all but a hot bath and tear ducts. But I can say I have done it, the trick is don't take that pill 2 months later, because you forget how hard it is to quit, or "I will just quit 2 weeks, it will be painless, BULL. It will be 3 months to 6 years down the road and hurt like F.

    So Here we go:
    If you have work issues or family issues. You work like an SOB until you get so far ahead that no one will give you grief if you vanish for 10-15 days with um....the flu
    I always use the flue excuse. it sucks to lie, but what are you alternatives? Think about it.
    I painted non-stop to get so far ahead of my deadlines that I fianlly had a month window where could vanish for awhile without any one giving me ******************** over it.
    Phone rings? Sorry I have the flue
    We need you to....sorry I have the flu
    Parent worried? it's just a damn flu!
    Now on to you..YOU TREAT IT LIKE THE FLU. IT hurts bad and it goes away, its the damn flu got it? YOU HAVE THE FLU! And you WILL GET BETTER no matter how much it sucks. You can't end a flu early neither can you end the feelings of detox (unless you want a pill. but that's your decision and 1 person has control of that).

    Ok the last 2 times I went cold turkey with no help
    This time I got catapres (clonodine) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clonidine 30 hours into detox So the fact I am writing this is a small miracle

    I can say this, with out the clonodone I would be a wreck, beware clonodine, though it isn't an addictive drug, you can make it one if you wish. Just use is properly and taper off towards the end. It is a blood pressure md, help with tons of anxiety, but if you how low blood pressure be extremely cautious. I also cannot stress enough BENZOS...i refer Valium. Docs are more willing to prescribe valium over Xanax and others because people don't drop dead when using Valium. But it is a good choice when used properly. Just packs a a wallop I also try to use what I can of "thomas's recipe"


    The Thomas Recipe



    Pain, Addiction & Withdrawal Support
    > The Thomas Recipe for Cold Turkey Withdrawal
    PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas
    THOMAS RECIPE
    If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.
    For the Recipe, You'll need:
    1. Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.
    2. Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store).
    3. L-Tyrosine (500 mg caps) from the health food store.
    4. Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper, Magnesium and Potassium (you may not find the potassium in the same supplement).
    5. Vitamin B6 caps.
    6. Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available).
    How to use the recipe:
    Start the vitamin/mineral supplement right away (or the first day you can keep it down), preferably with food. Potassium early in the detox is important to help relieve RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). Bananas are a good source of potassium if you can't find a supplement for it.
    Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst WD symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5.
    During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom.
    Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it.
    At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help.
    Continue to take the vitamin/mineral supplement with breakfast.
    As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better.
    Thomas [/I][/B]

    Ok, now I get into the shady world of healing. You have already become a shady person getting sick, not let's put those skills to work getting well.


    Heres' a few for you
    " BUt! I can't find valium! I can get benzos. That's not fair" oh for fhc! sake. How the hell have you been getting these pills in the first place?!!! Talk to yer um......doctor guy who has been so helpful in getting you this junk all along, buy some normal pain pills and say "oh my buddy wanted to get some valium as well. can you swing that?" If they know the valium is for you, unless they are stupid if they will start thinking you are trying to d-tox. So be sneaky. No one likes loosing a customer but if you make em think they are gaining ANOTHER customer. Hah!

    Hoe did I get my Valium? I went to my Pdoc and said I was under stress. Can I get 1-3 month prescription? OH no! please not Xanax I hate that stuff something mild like valium will do just fine and them BOOM. 90 valium for $30 generic....how does that sound? Doc visit was $80. Of course I had a $50 a week pill habit so guess what I chose to do?

    Ok Catapres and clonodine are the stud drug. They are prescribed for blood pressure, Menstrual issues, opiate withdrawal and of course ADD. What isn't So If you have any of those, you can get it from your doc. But if you are in a hurry, you are goin to have to do the awful online search. Thats' what I did. Got lucky, they actually sent them. This is a shady and illegal practice, and so help me god if they delete this they are doing NO ONE Of you a favor. You need help and I am sorry this is an avenue. Go with a respected pharmacy, that doesn't need proof of prescription. It might take awhile but....hey this stuff work. I am here typing 30+ hours into massive withdrawal. You TELL ME if it WORKS. Mine I bought from a S American pharmacy, then it was shipped from India. Took awhile, but I didn't pan on DT until I got it, even then I had to create a detox time window to use em. So here I am ouch.

    OK diary time:

    Ran out of pill on july 15 at 8 PM. Stated the illness around 12am. Took Clonodine and valium. Went to bed.

    July 16th (when I started writing this entry)
    I woke feeling like butt sputter. Took my 2 pill felt a bit better. BACK WAS KILLING ME LIKE A SIENFELD EPISODE. Took 5 bath with Epsom salt. Ate once. Took mutli vitamins.
    Fell ok but cruddy now worse is yet to come (dreaded ay 3-4) but I am hopeful and I have medicine my side. Slept most of day, 7 times. Good. Then decided to write this which lasted into

    July 17th
    finished writing this entry and and now I am headed to a bath, bed or diner. I dunno . I hate this. will update.

  2. #2
    Cabe 5 is offline New Member
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    Hmmm.
    My body and brain are sore. I guess I could keep a journal up. But seeing lackof interest. Of course I will update when I feel that folks need it. Not out of bitternesss. Itis just fifficult to type inmy current conftion and willl do soif people inquire
    Get clean folks.
    Smooches!

  3. #3
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    Cabe,
    How u doing so far? I took my lat pill at 4pm yesterday after 3-4 days of weaning. The pill lasts 12 hours so technically I'm only 6 hours in to cold-turkey but I already feel better than I have the last 3 days at this point. The weaning helped. Oh well will see in a few hours. I've yet to go a full 24 hours from the last pill.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  4. #4
    Cabe 5 is offline New Member
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    Hi Chris,
    Good to hear you are making the run for it,
    From y past experiences if you are not using anything other than you strength of will, day 3 or 4 will be you worst. After that you may feel like ass, but after day 4 well....let's just say you will be glad say 4 is over.
    I am creeping up on 8pm which marks day 4. the clonodine has been AMAZING. I have had very little pain or stress, I even went to the mall last night for 6 hours, that is just insane..
    In my original post I said I has a $50 a week habit.....typo.... I had a $450 a week habit. Ijust can't find out how to edit my posts,
    If you need any help bud, i have extra help if you need, just PM me. and I will do what I can.

  5. #5
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    Cabe,
    Looks like everybody has there pluses and minus. Your plus is it sounds like you can manage work around your detox. But your minus is you must have easy access to the cr*p to be doing this a 3rd time. For me The negative is I have a high visibility office job and kids. The positive is I'll never be able to get a hold of the Oxy again so this will be my only detox. Famous last words, right.

    Anyway, RLS is kicking in. I did go get Potassium and B6 supplements. I went to the Dr. and he gave me a scrip for Xanax. I didn't tell him I was detoxing from oxy. I'm trying to hold off on the Xanax as long as I can. Maybe I shouldn't.

    I wonder why day 3/4 is the worse? Not looking forward to that but it's good to know.

    I quit smoking (many times) and can understand how you can go back to a bad habit. But I never had physical w/d from cigarettes. I just can't fathom trying to do this again. I don't know how you allowed yourself to relapse. Just because you can beat the piss out of yourself doesn't mean you should. Man, I watched my wife fight for her life for 2 years against cancer and lose. The point is life is precious - even your own.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  6. #6
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    10:30pm. Gave in and took a Xanax. Hope it helps. In 30 minutes I'll take an ambien. Hopefully, I'll sleep.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  7. #7
    withak is offline Member
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    hey guys...
    i really appreciate and look forward to your updated 'journals'...agh!! i HATE w/d, and am avoiding it like the plague. i've been using ('abusing' is more like it) norco 10/325 (~8-10/day) for a couple years now and when i run out and have to wait for a fill, the days might as well be months, even years. now i'm REALLY scared to w/d b/c of the 'day 3-4' thing. i never knew that, even though i've unwillingly found myself in w/d many times due to running out of pills. all i know is: when i'm in the midst of that situation, THE LAST thing i want to do is log on to the computer, put thoughts together AND type them out, so i give major kudos to you guys. but i will say...the hope in your voice, cabe, is really encouraging me. you just have this mentality about 'making a run from it' that sounds like you mean business and are committed to this being your last w/d. it kinda makes me want to try to stop ON MY OWN, not b/c i run out. so thank you for that. and chris, i can't remember exactly why you weren't going to take the pills anymore (don't feel like scrolling through the whole thread right now), but i also commend you for 'going for it'. are you being forced to quit? i think i remember something about you moving maybe? (it also could have been someone else's i was reading). at any rate, i look forward to hearing from you both and how it's going for you. cabe, you should be past the 4 day mark by now, right? how are you feeling? when i w/d, it's really WITHDRAWL. i don't use ANYTHING, only b/c i have no way of getting it. but the info you gave on some vitamins and water consumption, etc. is something i could do. i wonder how much worse w/d would be for me if/when i do it w/out the valium/xanax.

    anyways, keep us all posted guys. you're a HUGE help and anything you share sheds light towards the end of the tunnel for the rest of us that are still using but HATE OUR LIFESTYLE!!!!!

    thanks again...

  8. #8
    withak is offline Member
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    oh....and p.s....

    just so you have some background on me...i have FOUR children that i stay home and raise, ranging in age from 13 years down to 4 months so there's no way on God's green earth i could just 'disappear' and detox it out. all the times i've gone thru it before, i either claim i'm 'sick' (flu-like sick), or i literally just keep going with my normal daily routine but am fatigued as all get out and am sweating like a pig...so, there ya have it...

  9. #9
    Vicapoison is offline New Member
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    Post 8 years 2get2 7.5/5 X 4 pills about 5x a day Vprofen

    Back surgery at 25 introduced me to Vicoden, 3 years later around mother's passing built tolerance and got an upgrade stating "residual back pain" when in fact I had a full recovery with no sign of pain from a discectomy. A year later pharmacist warned me about the amount of Acetaminophen and the damage I was causing my liver and "suggested" a mixture of Hydrocodone with Ibuprofen, Enter Vicoprofen. I didnt know I was addicted until one day I just decided I didnt need them anymore and just stopped, didnt sleep very well that evening, and the next day in the shower all I could do was break down and cry like a baby, out loud and hysterically upset. I only knew that something was up because I really didnt have anything upsetting or stressful occuring in my life at that time so I realized that the only thing that had changed was I stopped taking my pills, Not ready to admit to an addiction I took them again, I am now determined to get free of this prison as I have had to plan trips and work around obtaining refills. I have tapered down to 3 pills per dose as of Friday and will attempt weening as follows: Continue at 3 pills per dose for the next two days at 4x per day, then I will do 3 pills with a 2 pill dose the next 3 days, a 3 pill and 2 pill dose twice per day for the next 3 days, 2 pills 4 times per day for the next 3, 2 pills 3x with a one pill dose for the next 3 days, 2pills 2x and 1 pill 2x for the next 3 days, 1 pill x4 for the next 3, 1 pill x 3, for 3 days, 1 pill 2x for 2 days, and one pill for the last day. As confusing as that may be, I will keep a journal of this slow weening and see if it is possible to ween with little to nothing more than a bit of short tempered irritability of a withdrawal symptom. This attempt will last aproximately 26 days. My birthday is in a week from Today and it is the gift I am giving myself.

    If anyone would like to attempt this slow ween with me and want support in the process I'll be happy to go the extra step and extend the hand. I dont believe this has to be horrific, suffering experience, just a patient one that is kind to the body as our physical dependency is such that our bodies believe the drug is a part of its make up and is only suffering because a quick abscense sends signals of feeling that something is broken in our physical chemistry. A slow decrease, journaling any symptoms, will assist in putting out here what stage the body maybe be at, and even though a slow ween any advice at any point in this journaling should there be a symptom, there maybe a good answer, kind person with a remedy or explanation for that symptom and how to properly supplement to continue both the slow ween and success of freedom in the most physically gentle and healthful manner. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and wish me luck.

  10. #10
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    First vicapoison,
    I think weaning is the best way to go. I don't really know that much from experience other than I have stopped Lexapro with no problem by weaning. I tried to go cold turkey on the oxycontin and couldn't. I couldn't reduce my dosages so I ended up skipping a dosage a day. So I was fine for 12 hours - w/d for 12 hours. I did that for 3 days. Then I took my last pill Thursday 4:30. Fortunately I've felt better each day. Yesterday around noon I finally stopped counting the hours. Today I just feel like I have a head cold.

    Second Withak,
    As to why I'm quitting has to do with why I started which was it was the only thing that worked as an "anit-depressent" while my wife was terminal with C. I too have children 7, 9 and 15 and needed the energy to take care of them as well as my poor wife. It really was the only thing that got me through or I would have been useless to my family for two years. Now she's gone and it's time to stop. What made me realize I was addicted was when I started getting flu symptoms every morning until I took my first dose of the day. When I realized the flu was oxy w/d I tried to stop. Then that scared the hell out of me because I'd never felt anything like that before. So I figured a better stop sooner rather than later. Now I'm over the w/ds I think but now have to deal with the depression of losing my wife.

    Good luck to all.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  11. #11
    withak is offline Member
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    Default vicapoison

    wow...kudos on your strength and determination to taper and quit. you asked if anyone else wanted to do this with you. yes, i want to SO BADLY...my only problem as an addict is that i can't seem to get over this lie of "i'll start tapering TOMORROW..." "just ONE MORE DAY of taking my norco as i normally do (~9-10/day) and then i'll start tapering..."....I HATE THOSE LIES!!! they're such b.s. cause that 'day' never comes. i just keep taking the norco like inormally would until i have only a couple left, and then i'm freaking out and worried about w/d and worried about getting my next fill and of course telling myself "ok, if you get these ok'd by the doc, you're starting tapering as soon as you get the full script! (#90)". now, here's where i'm at. i have maybe ~30 left. i haven't really sat down to think about a tapering schedule b/c i'm too busy wanting to do all my normal routine stuff while i have the pills cause i know the times coming soon where i'll be out and then i KNOW i won't feel like doing ANYTHING. agh!!! anyways, just my thoughts and where i'm at. i'm so encouraged by your 'taking the plunge' to get your life back. good job, WAY good job. how can these stupid little pills convince us we need them and we feel so much better on them, yet we all HATE what they've done to us and our lives???

    ok, more later
    need to get back to the budget i'm working on (paying bills, etc.)
    keep up the good work everyone...

    how's cabe??????

    ps) chris...thanks for the reply. i want to respond but i know it will take longer than i have right now, so soon. for now, just know i'm really touched that you had to deal with your wife's death and continue raising your 3 children. wow. you WILL get past this season....i assure you that....there is light at the end of the tunnel. how long ago did she pass? you hang in there. i'm so sorry your family found itself in that situation. of course, none of us "plan" on that being the course for our lives....i can see why you ended up on the pills....

  12. #12
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    "Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you."


    For those old enough to remember Dylan hits the nail on the addiction head and it hits home when the "jingle jangles" hit in the middle of the night. Maybe I should have waited another year to quit. My wife only died 2 months ago. There's no way I'm ready for it.

    Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand,
    Vanished from my hand,
    Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.
    My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet,
    I have no one to meet
    And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.

    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

    Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship,
    My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip,
    My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels
    To be wanderin'.
    I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade
    Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,
    I promise to go under it.

    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

    Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the sun,
    It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
    And but for the sky there are no fences facin'.
    And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme
    To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind,
    I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're
    Seein' that he's chasing.

    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

    Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
    Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
    The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
    Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
    Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
    Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
    With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
    Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
    Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
    In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  13. #13
    Cabe 5 is offline New Member
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    hi all
    just popping in to say i am doing well
    the clonodine/catapres plus valium really helped. kept me sleeping a bunch
    i did take a pill on a day or so ago to help ween off and kick the 3-4 day hit. it helped and hurt, but it's gone now.
    Doing well and I have scads of catapres left ha ha. I guess I need to find a friend who needs it cuz i won't. Good stuff for detox. I know I have got to have friends that need it. I hear its good for quitting smoking too. Might use it when I try my Chantix prescription, but from what I have heard I may never need it.
    Hope everyone is doing just as well, stay on th plan, get past day 4, and take those baths.
    Oh and as for my availability to those pills? The idiot dealer came by and hit on my girlfriend explaining I would never get clean, he was all hopped up on xanax and coke and really emptied his heart to her, went over like a D. Rumsfeld speech, then his supplier up and died from pneumonia this week......, rough. But I guess my options are now very limited and if that guy wants to pop by my house and chat to my girlfriend again he may need a painkiller addiction when I get done with em. Oh well. He is a mess anyway.
    Thanks all.

    -Cabe

  14. #14
    Cabe 5 is offline New Member
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    Oh and BTW
    the reason I get the relapses is not due to cravings, it is due to stupidity
    My GF has endometreosis, so she gets a small script every once in awhile, she also has a a xanax script. I hate xanax actually, but great for detox, I prefer valium, but only for sleep and oh my lord it makes food taste good.

    So basically I got hooked for 3 months last year because she can't always take her vicodin, he has ulcers or some such and start throwing up her meds. So I took em and enjoyed them, wanted more and cycle started. I finally DTed after 3-4 months I think without help.
    Was rough. I was clean 2 months and happy. GF got a script and offered me one on new years eve. Thought I would use those and have a quick slightly rough DT and be done with it. Well I finished that scripting and at same time got loaded with an order of SEVENTY 4x4 oil portraits to paint in 4 months. I had no time to DT so I had to keep buying or lose my commission (about 40k) and so i was one happy pilled up painter, but spending money like crazy and ruining my relationship. From day 1 my goal was to get so far ahead that I would be able to take a week or more to DT without missing a deadline. I had several weeks were I slept 3 times staying up 80 hours just pilling and painting. Well after much work and very little sleep and some scary as hell behind the wheel no sleep painting deliveries I made it to where I had a 3 week span, so like a good soldier I took it. And now. I have a great life. A new galaxy grey Honda Element (see I didn't spent all the money on pills), My b-day is all set up and the bands are booked for the 30th, me and my GF are smooching again and I am free of the monkey and that a-hole dealer. Now I can get back to being involved in my art buddies and shows, get out of the house for Jaeger shot and some pear ciders and see some live music and just feel.....well fixed and happy. Not scared and stressed. Yes I still have a billion more paintings to do as this is my job, and doing it without pills will be hard, but that's life. And I like it clean.
    I have been an AA man, walked in one day and quit drinking for 2 years after 13 of being drunk every night, college ect. ya know. Wasn't trying to kill myself on purpose, but I was. Now I drink in moderation, I can tie on on, but I know when and why I do it now. I have only been out 4 times since January (due to pills keeping me satisfied and those FREAKING PAINTINGS) I can't do that with pills, it is too easy to function on them. They don't make me wreck my car or slur my words or get fired, they just destroy my life.
    So I am glad and happy to be free. I have all this damn clonodine tho.......what should I do with it? hmmmm. http://www.revolutionhealth.com/drug...ments/catapres
    Last edited by Cabe 5; 07-23-2007 at 05:50 AM. Reason: spelling errors

  15. #15
    Cabe 5 is offline New Member
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    Chris,
    Your wife is gone and I am very sorry about that. Extremely. You have 3 kids who need you mentally and emotionally present, and if you think your addiction isn't upsetting you then why are you posting here? You don't need this on top of some serious ******************** you are trying to absorb, your just arresting your development and when you do get clean you will finally be able to start healing. present. Get yourself with me PM or via my website and I will do what i can to help you. Just stop farting around with this ********************. It is going to orphan your kids or at least put them in the poorhouse. I hate to be harsh, especially since you deserve some time to adjust. But numbing yourself to pain gets too easy and that's become learned behavior. C'mon man, let's go. Time to start singing some Neil Young instead of Dylan for a week. Then you can listen to anything you want, but the needle and the damage done and out of the blue and into the black buddy.
    let's go.

  16. #16
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cabe 5 View Post
    Chris,
    Your wife is gone and I am very sorry about that. Extremely. You have 3 kids who need you mentally and emotionally present, and if you think your addiction isn't upsetting you then why are you posting here? You don't need this on top of some serious ******************** you are trying to absorb, your just arresting your development and when you do get clean you will finally be able to start healing. present. Get yourself with me PM or via my website and I will do what i can to help you. Just stop farting around with this ********************. It is going to orphan your kids or at least put them in the poorhouse. I hate to be harsh, especially since you deserve some time to adjust. But numbing yourself to pain gets too easy and that's become learned behavior. C'mon man, let's go. Time to start singing some Neil Young instead of Dylan for a week. Then you can listen to anything you want, but the needle and the damage done and out of the blue and into the black buddy.
    let's go.
    Thanks for everything Cabe. I think you and the "Thomas recipe" got me through the w/d. I don't have access to oxy anymore so I won't be down this particular path again.
    The irony is that oxy is what got me through the last few years. I would have been no help to my wife and kids otherwise. Who knows, maybe I should have waited another year. Waited until I could deal with the loss more.

    BTW, I took a look at your website. I'm envious of your talent. Coincidentally, I spent a bit of my teens and early 20's around WWII aircraft.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  17. #17
    Cabe 5 is offline New Member
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    well I am not here to say that drugs don't serve a purpose, even when abused. Why do you think most folks get hammered on the weekend............ or weeknight

    Good to hear you are doing well. I am struggling a bit, but I am gonna make it by my b-day party.


    consider some of the milder meds out there. I effing hate anti-depressants. Not one ever did me any good.
    Valium is nice and mild. Let's me sleep. I usually use melatonin, but heck 90 tabs for $30? Ok. yes please
    I don't take em during the day, sure am using an assload of them right now. But getting over pain means you have to feel it.
    That;'s why the call it a pain killer not a pain "fixer"
    You'll get by. Might be early to say, but a sober guy with a good heart can meet someone new. pretty damn easy. Lots of intelligent attractive women can't find guys that are not wheels off into substance abuse these days. I know, I have met 'em.. Too soon to talk about, nut it is something to look towards. You tackling one hell of a daemon by getting clean. It is one painful ordeal, hilarious that it only take 5-7 days to do it, but it is so hard to make that commitment.
    Hell if quitting smoking were that easy, I would be smoke free 20 years ago


    oh and thanks for the art compliments.

    BTW why were you near the planes?

  18. #18
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cabe 5 View Post
    well I am not here to say that drugs don't serve a purpose, even when abused. Why do you think most folks get hammered on the weekend............ or weeknight

    Good to hear you are doing well. I am struggling a bit, but I am gonna make it by my b-day party.


    consider some of the milder meds out there. I effing hate anti-depressants. Not one ever did me any good.
    Valium is nice and mild. Let's me sleep. I usually use melatonin, but heck 90 tabs for $30? Ok. yes please
    I don't take em during the day, sure am using an assload of them right now. But getting over pain means you have to feel it.
    That;'s why the call it a pain killer not a pain "fixer"
    You'll get by. Might be early to say, but a sober guy with a good heart can meet someone new. pretty damn easy. Lots of intelligent attractive women can't find guys that are not wheels off into substance abuse these days. I know, I have met 'em.. Too soon to talk about, nut it is something to look towards. You tackling one hell of a daemon by getting clean. It is one painful ordeal, hilarious that it only take 5-7 days to do it, but it is so hard to make that commitment.
    Hell if quitting smoking were that easy, I would be smoke free 20 years ago


    oh and thanks for the art compliments.

    BTW why were you near the planes?
    First the planes: My father was in the Air Force so I grew up with a natural desire to fly and solo'd at 16. When he retired from the service he was a certified A/P mechanic and Inspector. He used those skills to help a then small warbird organization here in Florida. I got rides in many planes, from a Stearmen Bi-plane to a P51. My mother has a lot of aviation art in her house and most if it is pretty bad. She threw herself into the organization after my Dad died (the big C also) and has autographs by the Flying Tigers and The Doolittle Raiders all on some cheezy aviation art

    Well I've taken 0.5 xanax and 10mg Ambien about an hour 1/2 ago So hopefully I'll sleep the night through. Maybe even get to work on time, for once.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  19. #19
    Cabe 5 is offline New Member
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    yeah I did a b-day portrait of harles Bond a few years back, turns out a Pdoc was his daughter, wierd huh? Nw it is a ta Cavenaugh flight museum and I have a bunch of prints for sale. He went to a converntion in San Antonio and got the autographs of all the surviving Flying tigers and ground crew on a small prinout of my painting, very nice of him. Even though he was a a cranky old bastard
    I have not checked to see if heis still alive. I stopped seeing that doc a few years back. I heard an ad for an even that usually he always showed up to meet and sign stuff and sell his book (great reading and required by top gun cadets). The ad never mentioned him, so I fear maybe he is too frail or worse. I am going to google him here in a sec and see if he is ok.

    My mom had the C in her breast, got lucky caught it early, had the chemo and port though, was scared ********************ttttttless. Lucked out, no remission.
    Caused by? Freaking menopause treatments of estrogen or testosterone, I don't remember all i know is my dad was mad enough to sue, he is a lawyer, I guess he showed restraint, he doesn't just file suit like that, but man he came close.

  20. #20
    Vicapoison is offline New Member
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    Default Day 3 @ 3pills 4 x a day

    Hey all. Interesting it has been with tapering. My body has definately noticed the absence of 60mg hydrocodone cumulatively 120 by this morning--nothing to rigid at all just a sense of being aware of slightly less than what I normally feel like on my addicted max dose and clearly without the moments of nodding off for a doze in the middle of reading something or do something when perfectly still, im sure you know what I mean. Today was supposed to be the last day of 3 pills @ 4 times per day, however i only took 3 when I woke up around 11 am and then I took 4 around 6pm and am now going to take 3 as I write this to go to bed, that said i've cut my daily dose today by an additional 60mg or 2 pills ahead of schedule even in light of taking 4 at 6pm. I feel fine. No complaints, tomorrow is the first day of the schedule at 3 three times per day, with a two pill dose. I guess what I learned by going off my exact plan, is that, as long as it is moving in the less pills, mg, per day direction it is okay if you tread away from perfect plan as long as you maintain your goal and attempt to atleast have a map to follow so you can have something tangible to look at, and not just in your head, otherwise you run the risk of your brain trying to sabotage you into forgetting and wondering whether or not you took the dose or not, typing it or writing it down in a log as you take them will help prevent the addictive minds self-sabotage and show you that you are making progress. I am grateful for this site to share my experience. Having once been a case manager for people living with HIV/AIDS and assisting them to become empowered as opposed to manifesting the results that come from allowing oneself to play into the notion that they are a victim has always been instinctual and innate joy for me, so to share my addiction and hopefully be a light to lead others out of the re-fill to re-fill, or however obtained to however-next obtained bottle is an honor for me to share with you. Tapering thus far has been fine. I will note, however, that in discussing with my pharmacist what my plan was, he did warn me that after 8 years of physical dependency, not so much the psychological part, I may need to take longer or rather should allow myself a longer taper period and to see how I feel. I have noted his advice, however, I will stick to my schedule and plan. And I will be here to share every minute symptom and feeling, pill extra or under taken towards my progress, however, I have no doubt that this will be over soon and that the process of getting over it does not have to be painful and suffering, and I commend all of those people who have suffered the dreaded "day 4" I have read so much about, the only thing that scares me about that other than my dislike of discomfort especially having been 2 days into withdrawal because of running out is this: When people diet, or go cold turkey, it has been noted more times than not that when/if they return to what it is they have refrained from, they do so much harder and fervently. It is my opinion that tapering off is the safest, most effective way of achieving this goal, again, it is just my opinion and I have not succeeded yet, however I have already made progress ahead of my schedule and it wasnt forced that way, it just unfolded that way today. Much love, hope and best wishes to everyone tonight fighting for their freedom. There is no greater power than your desire to be the version of yourself you wish to become, so go ahead there is alot of love behind you.

    best :-)

  21. #21
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    After 2 years I "tapered" for 3-4 very tough days. Took my last pill Thursday 4:30pm. So i guess I'm at 6 days. I don't feel good but then how do I know what to feel - I've been high for 2 years. Maybe this is how I'm supposed to feel.

    How long do the damn cold symptoms last for?

    My skin also feels weird - like I'm getting a little shock. They say it takes at least 2 weeks to feel normal.

    I've layed off the Xanax because Gabe has scared me off it. But I wake up at 4 in the morning.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  22. #22
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    And my damn ears won't stop ringing. What the hell is that?

    Cabe!
    My oldest friend lives in Dallas. I haven't seen him in 2 years so I'm planning a trip Aug 9th. Maybe it will lift my spirits.
    Anyway, what do you have to sell at the Cavanaugh flight museum? My bud used to fly also so he might take me if not to far out of the way.
    I guess it's outside of what you do but you need to paint what w/d feels like.

    Vica!
    How you feeling? I'm curious if you're gonna get better before me. I really, really wish I had tapered off. Knowing what I know now, I think maybe I could've done that and gone back to how I first started which was only once a week.

    I flushed:
    190 - 80mg
    80 - 40mg
    40 - 20mg
    I have no idea what the street value of that was and I'm not sure I want to.
    Last edited by Chris1960; 07-25-2007 at 07:38 PM. Reason: 'cuz
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  23. #23
    Vicapoison is offline New Member
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    Hey there, it is 5am on the 27th the second day of my of my reduced down to 10 pills per day for one more day , today the27th. pill total dosing schedule, yet i have learned more by this experience and again have made another big step/s in my progress. Reminder: before taking this step iwas taking4 pills 4 times daily, or 16 total from wake until sleep. The m1eaning of my plan structure has changed again, it now stands for the maximum allowable number of pills a day ingested to prevent uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms- i dont believe to be necessary to free ourselves from this ball and chain of a habit where we deal with stress and anxiety over how many opills we have left once the bottle starts to becme half empty, , today, i only took 3 pils x3 as it was a busy day with friends in from out of town, i feel fine and will try to continue with 3 pills twice a day and a 2 pill dose once in the middle of the day, and 3 before bed. According to my schedule of tapering im still alotted an allowed 3 pills and if i took them >> still be perfectly on schedule, however if i dont feel the need, and i havent; why prolongue the weaning,? I feel like im the one holding the reigns now and allthough this method requires patience in the absolute absence of instant gratification we love so much, i will say that while not out of the woods i can see clearly where they end allowing myself my plan to follow and also not to follow if in doing so causes no uncomfo rtable symptoms and allows me to make complete physical detoxificatin from ita addiction that much faster,..again, ill keep you posted as time permits,''

    Much love, luck, health and success,

  24. #24
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    Vica,
    I think you'll do fine. Weaning is definitely the way to go if u can.

    It's hard for me to tell but I think some of my symptoms were complicated by other conditions. I must have some kind of allergy because I'm still sneezing. Also I cut my Wellbutrin in half today and that seemed to get rid of the "wired" feeling. I had that problem with Lexapro. Also I still have ringing ears but I've had that before.

    So I've made it a full week. But I found a 20mg oxy in a drawer 30 minutes ago and took it. Took a Tylenol with it. Oxy + Tylenol = percocet. Have to admit. It's the best I've felt in a week.
    Last edited by Chris1960; 07-27-2007 at 05:30 PM.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  25. #25
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    I really like my opiates
    opiates is what i like,
    i like them in the morning
    and i like them in the night
    'cuz when i don't have opiates
    the day is full of strife
    and truth be told i have to say
    i really don't love life.

    I remember the first time I snorted coke 2 thoughts came to mind almost instantaneously.The first thought was "I feel like God". The 2nd was "I better never touch this ******************** again 'cuz I will get hooked". One minute later I had a third thought - "let's do another bump".

    The first thought I had doing percocet was "This is how I'm supposed to feel. I have energy, I'm not depressed, I like being social". Oh well.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  26. #26
    lyds is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris1960 View Post
    I really like my opiates
    opiates is what i like,
    i like them in the morning
    and i like them in the night
    'cuz when i don't have opiates
    the day is full of strife
    and truth be told i have to say
    i really don't love life.

    I remember the first time I snorted coke 2 thoughts came to mind almost instantaneously.The first thought was "I feel like God". The 2nd was "I better never touch this ******************** again 'cuz I will get hooked". One minute later I had a third thought - "let's do another bump".

    The first thought I had doing percocet was "This is how I'm supposed to feel. I have energy, I'm not depressed, I like being social". Oh well.
    I haven't been here for awhile but the first thing I saw when I popped on this afternoon was this thread.

    First of all, you guys are making the best choice of your life. It may not feel like it, but it is.

    Chris, wow. You have my utmost admiration. Your wife has only been dead for 2 months? Wow, I am serious. I can't think of another word to add to that. God Bless you.

    Anyway, folks, you can do this! Back in Jan. when I quit I thought that there was no way on this earth I would be successful. I figured it would be like all the other times I quit. That I would find myself using again. So far, that has not been the case.

    Lean on the people you can lean on. Come here and get the support you need. Your life will be so much better without the pills!
    Clean Date: 1-20-07

  27. #27
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    lyds,
    I appreciate the sentiment. And I guess I know that I should be clean. But I am one unhappy camper. I'm beginning to question why one has to quit. As far as I know opiates don't damage you. They don't hurt your liver or other organs. I now see oxycodone as an antidepressant. And just like oxycodone, antidepressants cause w/d's. But antidepressants don't make me feel good, strike that, NORMAL, like oxycodone does. So then why can't the doc prescribe me oxycodone for depression?
    I started a 3 day taper 7/16//07 and had all the accompaniment w/d symptoms. Made it to the 28th when I found enough pills laying around to give me 4 or 5 weekends of use. So the last 2 weekends I've had energy, got out of the house, and did the shopping the family needed. But during the week it just sucks, I can make it to work, late. Put in a solid 5 hours out of 8. Fight traffic home and maybe feed my kids something other than what they've been scrounging out of the pantry.
    Point is I feel like cr@p and wondering why.
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  28. #28
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Sounds like you have a endorphin deficiency!! Alot of people who get addicted to opiates find that the drugs make them feel normal.This is one of the signs of endorphin deficiency.Doctor's are now starting to treat EDS (endorphin deficiency syndrome) with ORT (opiate replacement therapy).
    I started out having to take pain killers for a bunch of surgeries.I was soon abusing them daily and this went on for 23 years.I've been on methadone for the last 5 years and I feel the best I have ever felt in my life.
    Once I started to feel normal I was able with the help of my doctor to look back at my life and see that I was always depressed even as a kid.
    I am a firm believer that I suffer from endorphin deficiency, also both my parents are\were addicts.So there are a few things going on that led me to addiction.I will likely be on ORT for the rest of my life but thats ok because had I continued to abuse morphine,dilaudid ect I would likely be dead by now.I would throw up daily and virtually lived on the couch in our basement.The depression got worse as I grew older and took more and more opiates.I was on a path of self destruction for sure.
    Now I come here and other forums to offer my experience or opinion to others who are suffering from this brain disease known as opiate addiction........Dave

  29. #29
    Chris1960 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpvt View Post
    Sounds like you have a endorphin deficiency!! Alot of people who get addicted to opiates find that the drugs make them feel normal.This is one of the signs of endorphin deficiency.Doctor's are now starting to treat EDS (endorphin deficiency syndrome) with ORT (opiate replacement therapy).
    I started out having to take pain killers for a bunch of surgeries.I was soon abusing them daily and this went on for 23 years.I've been on methadone for the last 5 years and I feel the best I have ever felt in my life.
    Once I started to feel normal I was able with the help of my doctor to look back at my life and see that I was always depressed even as a kid.
    I am a firm believer that I suffer from endorphin deficiency, also both my parents are\were addicts.So there are a few things going on that led me to addiction.I will likely be on ORT for the rest of my life but thats ok because had I continued to abuse morphine,dilaudid ect I would likely be dead by now.I would throw up daily and virtually lived on the couch in our basement.The depression got worse as I grew older and took more and more opiates.I was on a path of self destruction for sure.
    Now I come here and other forums to offer my experience or opinion to others who are suffering from this brain disease known as opiate addiction........Dave
    OMG! Thank you!
    Buprenorphine (Suboxone) as a treatment for depression. Could this be my problem? IDK, but it gives me hope.
    http://www.prohibitionkills.>>>>>>>>.com/
    Drug: Oxycodone CR (Oxycontin)
    Dose: 160mg/day

  30. #30
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    I bet it is Chris.You should make an appointment and try the buprenorphene(suboxone,subutex).This drug is a life saver for literally thousands upon thousands of addicts.Doctors have known forever that opiates are a great anti-depressent but the addiction issue makes it not to appealing as anyone can see.If your already addicted and depressed then ORT would definately be woth a try.good luck and let me know how you make out.....Dave

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