Opiate Maintenance

[here2hear]

hello

44 cauc male 6'180. Have been addicted to opiates for 20 yrs. 10 years ago began I.V. Dilaudid (street tablets-$40 per-2 to 5 per day). After 2 years of the junked & always out of it life, I entered a methadone treatment program. A physical informed me that I have HepC and had given myself a spinal-based (cervical) staph infection. The abcess, and the two discs that were taken out probably saved my piss-poor ass. 2 months of IV antibiotics, (Hickman-Grashong(sp)catheter threaded thru the clavicle-real fine accroutement...) counseling, et al helped pull from a real morass. I am thankful for the lessons learned but bewildered I insisted on the avenue(s)needed to learn them.
I am writing this in the hopes that someone will be able to help me with my current problem.
After 8 years in a private methadone program (nearly 7 years without relapse), I began using again upon the death of a parent to whom I was very close. Cocaine, at first, then Amphetamine. Personal problems aside (Death of Parent, physical relocation). I am now a mess again. The Methadone Clinic that I was attending felt that I was not serious about the program anymore and would benefit from being detoxed out of it(methadone maintenance) completely. This took place over a 6-week period. Realizing the onset of diarreah(sp) while at a downtown traffic light brought my current state to a sudden awareness. I am now back shooting Dilaudid, Morphine, Heroin and feel like hell. The drugs (buprenorphine) that are designed to ease methadone withdrawal and the re-entering of normalcy (?) are very cost-prohibitive for the uninsured.
This is rambling and somewhat disconcerting, I know. Simultaneously wiping a runny nose interspersed with frequent b.room stops and hot&cold flashes coupled with the need to find a loaded pistol have rendered me a little nuts.
I know that this is pretty heavy and I'm a newbie here-perhaps the company one has been keeping is a facilitator to misguided rudeness-if so, forgive me.
My request? any help you can profer...

[mpvt]

You need to get back into mmt.I feel for you my friend but there is hope.You sound like a smart guy.You know where the mainlining is going to end up.Please get back on methadone and get to a stable dose.I don't want to read about another overdose death in the papers..........There is hope, you have to take the first step.......Good luck..Dave

[sholder]

While I have no personal physical experiecnce of what you are going through I watched my father take the same road you are are taking oxycontin to. I know that suicide looked liked the best medicine to him many times, but that is not the answer. you were put on this earth for a purpose. And I came to the message board and read this meassage for a reason today. Please know that there is hope, and you can overcome it. You probably can't do it alone. You need to call the first person you can think of right now that you can count of and tell them that you need help. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. don't be ashamed or scared. The most courageous thing that you can do at this moment in your life right now is to ask someone, anyone you know and trust for help and assistance to get you through this. Please let us know how you are doing. You are in my thoughts.

[moo]

If you cannot get back into the methadone program, perhaps you could volunteer for a study...? Oftentimes area universities will have studies involving those that are addicted to drugs and will provide free treatment possibly including therapy. I was never a big fan of therapy myself but it may be helpful to you. I suppose it depends on the person. Info on area studies can often be found online at the university websites or in the local library (flyers). You sound like an intelligent person who has had a rough life to say the least. I hope that things finally start to get better for you and you can find help.

[lydiap009]

how much methadone should you take to wean yourself off of percocets?

[DVAJR]

here2here, Sorry to here your pain and suffering, the answers that I have been finding for my simalar situations come from within, a higher self. Call it what you may, but it is real, and there for me, and I supect for everyone. I'm still suffering with many problems and trials, here today and to come. I don't know exactly how you feel, but your not alone. How can I say these things? You be the judge. I'm sharing some of my story with you and others in hope that it may help all, for I have no all encompassing answers for myself so how could I offer them to anyone. I just pray you and everyone are Graced and Blessed with the special moments that have come to me so many times, that provides what we need to carry on! I was involed in several car accidents starting about 7 years ago. The first one required surgery to restore most of my lost left leg function and to relieve some of the severe low back pain(L5-S1 permanent nerve damage from disc pressure) Lost my job and had to rebuild again, it hurt my family greatly. About 2 years after that, another rearender, (neither were my fault) and this time the man had no insurance. I reinjured my low back, also severly tearing my right rotator cuff and causing nerve damage (thoracic output syndrome) along with loss of control and severe pain. I have been left disabiled from these injuries, and from spinal cord compression and flattening in the neck at multiple levels. I also have a adrenal malady called pheocromocytoma with adds serious problems all by it's self. You might ask what about surgery? It's my uninsured motorist paying the bill and a certain Doctor who is ALL KNOWING that was checking me for complex regional pain syndrome said I was at maximum theripeutic benifit and surgery would probably worsen my condition, and that my accident symptoms were caused by my pheochromocytoma, while having to look up what pheocromocytoma was( thankfully I could spell it for him) has left me to rot. I am still trying to get back on my feet, I have done it many times before but this time I have failed so far. Now the more relevant part, besides rotator cuff surgery which helped, and doctor consults, nothing else has been done. Since the last accident I've been disabiled with severe pain and loss of functionality on multiple levels. The barrel of my S.W. fits perfectly in the soft spot of my left temple and a sudden spasm of my fingers (which I have through out my body) I would consider a act of mercy. Enough said. To ease my pain and calm my spasms, I was given pain medication to help control it. How much? Since the last accident, soma up to 2100mg a day- neurontin 2400mg a day- Percocet 10/325 8-10 a day- duragesic(fentynal) 100MCG/H- oxycontin 40mg tabs up to 320mg a day- effexor 300mg a day- IBU's 1600mg a day. I have been prescribed ALL of these MEDICATIONS by a Single DOCTOR NOT at these maximum dosages but close to it ALL AT THE SAME TIME! It is hard to see the forest from the trees even when you have all your faculties. All these meds and I was still in severe pain, so earlier this year when I tried to pay for my meds (since the Insurance company due to this doctors statement pulled the plug on everything) I could not afford it, I stopped taking everything narcotic. No medical professionals would help me or could even tell me what to expect and for how long. I lasted for 3 days before an ambulance was called. I threw up for so long and hard, bile and blood came up. My diarrhea was constant and severe. I told the emergancy room staff that I had stopped the narcotics all together and didn't ever what to take them again PERIOD! They treated me as if I had overdosed, I was told repeatedly that no one is brought in sick because they voluntarily stop these types of medications. And when my tests came back clean, it didn't change their minds or treatment. I was in hell for 3weeks before I started feeling somewhat better. I was given no methadone, or anything else narcotic. After all I was a addict on prescription drugs, and people like me just don't exist. I always thought that these meds would be a short time patch until surgery, I had no idea that the system could fail so bad. I have so much to give others, but my body doesn't work at all like it did. First to go was my family the stress was to much, I had a job working for a CAT dealer, great pay, free health ins. and benifits galore. Just before this accident I was going to go to Peoria IL. for specialized training. All my hard work and education paid off. The loss of my income, even tempoary, sent us into a downward sprial with that new house we bought. Still disabled after 6months, unable to return to work, my employer terminated my employment and benifits except for my long term disability. I am still fighting for my SSI disability, it's in the appeal process. The system is a meat grinder and if I the ability to work I would because I would have my self worth back, I would be able to take care of my finacial responsibilites and most important be a asset to those around me instead of a leach and liability as they see it. But the truth for me is, I first need to stop looking for outside approval and remember that GOD DON'T MAKE JUNK! Patients is a virtue which I have very little of, so this alone is hell for me. Then I realized by the GRACE OF GOD we go means so many things. Then I realized that my true purpose is in our CREATORS hands, at least for me this is a unversal truth. Please don't give up! GOD BLESS YOU AND GRACE YOU!

[PaulRemski777]

Dear heretohear,

53 yr old, dependent upon vaious opiates to maintain employment as a rehab counselor and therapist. Spinal condition w 5 disc herniations.

The etiology of your use of narcotics is a Pain CONDITION..based upon your post. Correct? If so, and there is now passage from dependence on pain relievers to narcotic, opiate abuse, you have blurred the two lines of distinction. Narcotic dependence = functionality; narcotic addiction = dysfunction. Your post does not describe your functionality. The loss of your parent lends me to believe respectfully that there was deep love and loss. Your addiction only was useful to block emotional pain. I recommend you to John E Sarno, MD ' s books on psychogenic origins of real pain signals sent by the brain to different somatic areas...to block repressed anger/sorrow et al from reaching the conscience mind from the unconscious. We experience only about 12% of all thougts in the conscious realm.

You will likely have to move to get suitable treatment for your condition of spinal pain, and/or addiction treatment. What do you want to do? This is your life and up to your will. I no longer apologize for the level of pain I experience or the legal treatment modalities I also choose. Neither should you. There are many legal legitimate physicians that prescribe excellent narcotics to treat pain...Remember methadone is merely a lousey pain killer and opiate based...I don't need to tell you that. Methadone clinics are an oxymoron to me....but I refused to be converted to such ideology of treating dependent or addicted patients. My only other ho is that "to him that has ears let him hear" " I am the Way,the Truth and the Life, no man or woman comes unto God the Father, except through me". If you can find an MEW group, called Most Excellent Way. (Pensacola Florida, Rocherster NY, et al cities), you will find the higher power is Jesus, and He, though He be the Judge, does not condemn you. Jesus said to the prostitute caught in the act of adultery, and ready to be stoned by the religious folk that caught her in the act. To him without sin, cast the first stone." No one here will cast stones at you. You are in pain either psychogenic or physical or both. You need the love of God and good people, including compassionate caregivers in the health field. They do exist. Thanks for posting. God be with you. If i can help email me at [u]PaulRemski@twcny.rr.com </u>. No agenda but to love another in like circumstances.

Paul Remski; 16 yrs chronic pain patient; detox post 24 days+;

[AmyBreeze]

quote:Originally posted by here2hear

This is rambling and somewhat disconcerting, I know. Simultaneously wiping a runny nose interspersed with frequent b.room stops and hot&cold flashes coupled with the need to find a loaded pistol have rendered me a little nuts.
I know that this is pretty heavy and I'm a newbie here-perhaps the company one has been keeping is a facilitator to misguided rudeness-if so, forgive me.
My request? any help you can profer...

I know it's tough here2here. Especially, depression and suicidal thoughts. I know firsthand....but please seek help back at the meth clinic or if they won't help, try another until someone listens. There has to be a place out there to help you overcome this. I wish I knew magic words but I don't....just know there are people out there, especially on this board, that will always listen and offer advice and we CARE!!!!! Please stop searching for the pistol and search deep inside of you......you are here for a reason, we all are!

Amy

[mpvt]

Did you guys\gals happen to notice that this post was 2 years old....Dave

[kevin9494]

I am a 32 cauc male 6'180 too. You're just a little older and probably a little more street smart. I started my ride into hell on oc 80's, then moved to new jersey and heroin was so cheap and available in the streets I thought I died and gone to heaven. While I did almost die numerous times, I sure as hell wasn't nowhere near heaven. I got on methadone 180mgs daily for 3 years and could no longer afford that. Then I switched to Suboxone 1 8mg in the morning and 1 8mg at night. I feel some much better now. It's been almost 1 year being opiate free. Like Dave said some people who have used longer and have a more severe habit for quite some time are better off on methadone. Do a search on your computer and find the closest clinic. I'm sure with your story they will take you in a heartbeat. Especially with hep C you need to be in treatment. Good luck. Keep in touch.

44 cauc male 6'180. Have been addicted to opiates for 20 yrs. 10 years ago began I.V. Dilaudid (street tablets-$40 per-2 to 5 per day). After 2 years of the junked & always out of it life, I entered a methadone treatment program. A physical informed me that I have HepC and had given myself a spinal-based (cervical) staph infection. The abcess, and the two discs that were taken out probably saved my piss-poor ass. 2 months of IV antibiotics, (Hickman-Grashong(sp)catheter threaded thru the clavicle-real fine accroutement...) counseling, et al helped pull from a real morass. I am thankful for the lessons learned but bewildered I insisted on the avenue(s)needed to learn them.
I am writing this in the hopes that someone will be able to help me with my current problem.
After 8 years in a private methadone program (nearly 7 years without relapse), I began using again upon the death of a parent to whom I was very close. Cocaine, at first, then Amphetamine. Personal problems aside (Death of Parent, physical relocation). I am now a mess again. The Methadone Clinic that I was attending felt that I was not serious about the program anymore and would benefit from being detoxed out of it(methadone maintenance) completely. This took place over a 6-week period. Realizing the onset of diarreah(sp) while at a downtown traffic light brought my current state to a sudden awareness. I am now back shooting Dilaudid, Morphine, Heroin and feel like hell. The drugs (buprenorphine) that are designed to ease methadone withdrawal and the re-entering of normalcy (?) are very cost-prohibitive for the uninsured.
This is rambling and somewhat disconcerting, I know. Simultaneously wiping a runny nose interspersed with frequent b.room stops and hot&cold flashes coupled with the need to find a loaded pistol have rendered me a little nuts.
I know that this is pretty heavy and I'm a newbie here-perhaps the company one has been keeping is a facilitator to misguided rudeness-if so, forgive me.
My request? any help you can profer...[/QUOTE]

[Dave87666]

Kevin---Yup dope is very abundant,and cheap here in Jersey....That was also my problem too...After some Od's,dying a few times.and multiple rehabs I am also clean now due to suboxone(and my will of course) Im on 32-34mg/day... good luck,and Stay clean bro!.

[Saskatoonian]

I live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. Many of you probably have never heard of my home, but believe me, its real. It's about a 12 hour drive from Calgary, Alberta, which I'm sure most of you have heard of. It's a beautiful city I live in, with a population of about 220,000, which most of you in American cities would laugh at and think its small, but nervertheless it's a great city and the biggest that is closest to Calgary, Alberta, pop. just over a million, which I'm sure at least some of you have heard of, "Calgary Stampede" (which is a world renowned rodeo event), I have to write this so you know where I'm coming from and why my problems are so bad..Also at the time I'm writing this, the temperature outside is, well we go by the metric system here, so it's Celsius, but I'll convert it to Fahrenhiet, which we went by about 20 years ago It's -13 Fahrenheit with a wind chill of about -25 Fahrenheit on a beauiful sunny day. There I'm done with where I'm from and please don't laugh at the name of my city and province, as it is a beautiful, great place to live. We are known as the jumping off point for the greatest fishing (which I love), and hunting (which I detest), point in the world! There, thats done, and I'll get on with it!.

I'm a 48 6' before MVA now 5'10 as numerous breaks in back, cauc male. I was on demorol injections for about 2 years then given t3's, (200 week) for about 2 years, then suddenly doctor said enough, and I was cut off just wham like that. I was in terrible pain, plus I was addicted to these minor opiates. Now where I live you have to really know the right people to get anything off the street. (that was 15 years ago). Now you can pretty well get anything if you know the right people. But, after buying off the street and forging scripts for years here, I fianally got caught, spent 90 days, and 6 months in correctional centers, where demmies and dillies were even easier to come by, I found a doctor who finally believed my pain and wrote me scripts for dilly 4mg 4xday for the last 10 months. I took them orally for the first 2 months then ran into an old t3 buddy who had climbed way up the drug ladder. Before I say this, I will write that I got married around 1990 to a women with 3 children, and had never experienced any opiate use. Again I have to write that in all this time I had been smoking pot heavily, as she also did, and I turned her on to t3's. I have to also write that t3's were probably the most abused opiate here, as any opiate was extremley hard to come by. anyway she was taking about 6 a day while I was taking about 30 a day. The time came when she got tired of me, (I haven't been able to work in over 20 years), so I was always around, and she used my t3 addiction as excuse to break up. I went into methadone clinic for 1st time in my life, was put on very high dose along with more benzodiazapines then I was already taking, (Xanax, clonazapam, they added Vaium and halcion) and sent me on my way. Man, did I ever get screwed up. I was walking around in my sleep, and according to her, I took a piss in the fridge one night. Our marriage ended about 2000, mostly now cause methadone use, but what she didn't know was that by the time we split, I had taken myself off the methadone and a few of the benzos. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. Anyway since then I've had about 3 doctors that have prescirbed some kind of opiate becase I really am in pain. Now to the present. Sorry, needed to get some of my story out. Another thing, in my province of Saskatchewan you can only legally buy 1 bottle of 50 tylenol 1 a month. They take your health card and record your purchase but it's not really moderated. Just thought I'd throw that in to tell how crazy it is up here. Anyway now I'll get to my real story. I've been on dillie 4 mg 4xday for about 10 months now. 2 months into taking them orally I met up with an old friend who into'd me to cocaine. Since I was shooting cocaine, I thought why not the dillies too. HEAVAN A week ago I had to go to a bone doctor to get my hand looked at. She noticed the scarring on my arm, first I tried to lie saying I had scratched it bad doing some work, but she knew, so I said dillies. She let my doc know and he cut me off, I still had about 100, now I'm out, using cocaine which helps, but the money's gone and I'm facing meth again. I think I would rather die then go on methadone again. It was a terrible experience when I was on it previously. Please, somebody give me some advice, I do live in terrible chronic pain and in the last year have developed chronic inflamtion of bladder and prostrate, (reason I was put on dillies). I am in horrible pain, and I'm down to my last couple of grams of coke. Help me?

[mpvt]

Buprenorphene is now available here in Canada.I would try and get on that (Suboxone) and see how that works.Methadone is best used for heavy long term addicts.I don't think you fit into that catagoery back then and even if you did get on it now there is no way they would put you on any benzo's.Most clinic's here in Ontario won't even take you if your prescribed or taking benzo's.
So your experience would be quite different this time around I can almost assure you of that.
Phone your nearest methadone clinic and ask them if they offer "Suboxone matinance??
If they don't then ask them if they know how you could get it prescribed.
The other thing is they won't leave you on methadone or suboxone long if you turn in positive urines for cocaine,barbituates,benzo's,other opiates and some even test for THC.
Whatever the situation I wish you the best as you certainly must be sick of this lifestyle.I know I went through 23 years of daily opiate abuse and after the first few years I couldn't get high and I ended up taking 3,000 mgs of ms contin a day by the time I got on methadone.I had such a high tolerence that I didn't stabilize until I hit 400mgs a day of methadone.That was six years ago and in the last 2 years I have been able to bring myself down to 210mgs/day.I was never sedated or have nodded off of methadone so like I said the experience now would likely be much more positive for you.
Good luck to you and be careful whichever path you choose........Dave