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And now it's time for my Suboxone withdrawal diary...
And now it's time for my Suboxone withdrawal diary...
After fourteen years of opiate addiction (4 yrs to IV >>>>>>, 7 years to methadone, and a 3 year back and forth between suboxone and morphine) I am ready to stop. I know I am ready this time because I want to quit for ME. Not for a judge. Not for my family. Not because of the stigma of drug addiction/maintenance therapy. Not for the money. But for my spiritual, mental, and physical well-being. I have 1.5 mg of suboxone left. That is enough for tomorrow (Tuesday) and the following day. I broke it all up so i have 5 pieces and contemplated drawing this out even more. But I figure, at this point, withdrawal is withdrawl, and I am so ready to end this. I haven't worked in almost a year as I see-sawed from suboxone to morphine, suboxone to morphine, reaching the depths of self-loathing and suicidal ideation which I'd never reached before.
To quote a band from my teen years, RATM, it's time to take the power back. And no one controls this body and mind but me. I cannot blame the plumbing in my house when the toilet overflows and I have to use to clean it up (I can't have a non-working toilet while withdrawaling! I cannot smell sh*t water while withdrawaling!) I can't blame my Irish blood or my family history of addiction. And if I give up and give in and say f*ck it, what's the point? This world we live in is so absurd and nonsensical anyway, I am actively choosing not to see the positives which surround me.
And that is the big difference this time. I am actively choosing to view this as a positive thing. Yes, my addiction has been with me since I was fourteen (my opiate addiction since 16). We've had a checkered, though often "loving" relationship. He has been there for me when I need him. Yes, he beat me and abused me, but the make up sex is always great, and he always shows up with a bouquet of roses (plucked from someone else's yard, no doubt). The highs have been outstanding, the lows like the 9th circle of hell, the understanding great and misapplied.
But I am 30 years old for 1 month, 17 days. It is Spring. It is time for rebirth.
Here is what I have done/am doing:
1. I checked out a number of books from the library. I am a voracious reader, though this has fallen off when I've been using. I recommend this to anyone: retake up an old hobby/love.
2. I am also teaching myself a new one: playing the bass. I have always wanted to learn to play the bass, so I am going to learn.
3. I stocked up on gatorade, nutritional drinks, milk thistle, dandelion, ginseng, melatonin, valerian root and b-6.
4. I have made a list of withdrawal symptoms which give me the most problems. I am one of those who can handle the stomach issues and can almost hypnotize myself so I can at least sleep for 6 hours. but when it comes to the "annoying" symtoms, like yawning, sneezing, eyes tearing, runny nose I start to get pissed. The sweats and chills make me want to scream. The sweats and chills are the worst for me. So, I have prewashed some warm clothes and srubbed out the bathtub.
5. I have some books by my bed for spiritual comfort: the Christian Bible, from which Psalms and Matthew are my favorite. The Buddhist scriptures, which herald self-control and discipline as key, and the writings of Abraham Lincoln. Reading the words of strong people helps, believe me. I am a recovering Catholic, so I am in no way advocating religion. Religion, to me, is man's warping of God's original message of love. But spirituality is a good thing. A really good thing.
6. I have set up one person whom I may call for support (someone who is also currently tapering off methadone---which I have done, and which I know is a much more difficult task than suboxone).
7. I have made a list in my mind of all the positives which I shall gain from my freedom from opiates once and for all: my mind shall be clearer, my body healthier, my teeth and bones stronger, my job prospects better, the dependence and shame gone, the triumph of accomplishing this feat, the example I may set for other people.
8. I do not view my addiction as a negative anymore either. I believe drug use stripped me to my base humanity. We all know when you are an addict, skin color, religion, sexual orientation cease to matter: you get high with other junkies. You are connected in your "lowness." I thank God I had the opportunity to see that which connects us. I thank God too for granting me compassion and understanding of human suffering, and the lengths which people of all backgrounds will go to escape it.
In short, I am staying positive. LOL, I pray for the strength to continue on with the positive thinking while I am actually withdrawaling...though i suppose I can choose to view the withdrawaling as my body getting rid of weakness so it may be strong later. I am reminding myself, too, that good things take time. Just look at our own Universe: 13.7 billion years in the making. God has shown us how valuable patience and concentration and dedication are. I think we've all learned by this time that instant gratification is the worst thing in the long run, but no one ever feels badly if they do something positive, put in the time and effort, and reap the results.
Thanks for listening. I will post again tomorrow and Wednesday, and then finally, the day of liberation!
Rooting for you let us know how you fair
One more dose left...
Weird...last night I had a dream I found 3 suboxone pills. In the dream, I was tapering, and I felt elated and upset at the same time. 3 pills? That's another 40 days of this...but I was also relieved...like...I don't have to do this yet...
I know my addict very well (so well i have even named him). I knew having any subs sitting around would lead me to take some when I thought the withdrawals were unbearable. So I have none left.
When I woke up, I felt as I've been feeling. I always wake up cold, sweaty, with tearing eyes and big yawns. I sneeze repeatedly and feel that annoying need to stretch. I dose around 7 AM every morning, and 12 hours later it is wearing off. The yawning and running eyes start, as does anxiety, pupil dilation, and chills.
The dream, I feel, should not be taken lightly. For all of my positive thinking this time, I have gone through withdrawal so many times I have lost count, and I know how strongly my mind pulls me when I am at its peak.
I did some research for additional, natural help while detoxing. I purchased L-Tyrosine and 5 HTP. I also bought some more Immodium and some Fish Oil pills.
The thing which has really screwed with me during my other detox attempts? Going online and reading the horror stories of other people, or reading that someone absolutely has to have prescription Valium or Ativan to kick. I am staying strong, and telling myself: you CAN do this. Anyone else attempting to do this too? I will pray for all of us.
I am feeling, at present....: much better, since the small dose has kicked in (though psychologically I feel badly about myself). I feel ready...but I do have some anxiety. Not bad...but I think it is there because I am thinking about this so deeply at the moment.
Today, I will attend the gym and my martial arts class as usual. I am going to clean everything in the house (bad smells have often triggered me to relapse, as my senses become so heightened and my gag reflex so easily triggered by said smells).
Thanks again for reading. Tomorrow is the last day before I jump....wow. I feel....I don't know at present. I'll let you know tomorrow if and when I sort it out.
An important point...
I wanted to make a point to others, just in case I have scared anyone...
I am grateful both for methadone therapy and suboxone therapy. If anything, suboxone treatment was far superior. It is a partial agonist, prescribed in the privacy of a DR's office, and is MUCH easier to quit than methadone. Without these maintenance drugs, I wouldn't have finished college, gotten into the field I was in, reconnected with my family, or gotten my health back.
That being said, my doctor was pretty misinformed, as was I. I did not properly research the drug or the doctor i used. i recommend not going for price, but going for quality. Make sure you find a reputable doctor. If your instinct is triggered, leave and find someone else.
Some people find lifelong maintenance is the way, and I respect that. For me personally, I just cannot take the drug and feel good about myself. I wish to be free of all opiates. This is a personal choice on my part. The withdrawals from suboxone, I know from experience, tend to be more annoying than anything, like muted, longer >>>>>> withdrawals. The mental aspect of it tends to be the worst, so I am strengthening up my mental resolve.
Good luck to everyone on here, and thanks once again for reading!
I've been up since my usual 7 am. It is now almost 11:30. I just got out of the shower and am yawning, cold, sweating, tearing eyes, and increased sensitivity to lights, sounds, etc. For now, though, it feels pretty bearable. I was able to procure 8 diazepam 5 MG pills. That should be good for 4 days, I reckon, and I will begin taking them tomorrow.
Right now, I feel OK. My energy is sapped but not to the point where I want to lie down and do nothing. I don't have any appetite so I will probably drink a nutritional suppliment, maybe make some toast or something.
I will post tomorrow. But as of now, it is as I expected: annoying symptoms, which I am sure will become more annoying as time goes on.
Last night was a little rough. I woke up a few times and had to take more melatonin to fall asleep. When I woke up this morning, I immediately sneezed 5 times in a row and I had tears on my cheeks from my eyes watering. I am freezing cold but just turned the heat up.
My energy feels much more sapped and my stomach doesnt want any food, so I am drinking some soy milk. I just remembered that I purchased the Sopranos box set recently. Though I meant to watch it again after the summer, I might have to lose myself in the show again.
I don't feel like death warmed over. I just feel...like I haven't taken any sub, if that makes sense. I feel achy, cold, sneezy, and drippy. But it's not unbearable, and it seems, when I occupy my mind with anything else, whether it be a book, a game on the internet, a phone call, or a shower, I forget about it.
Took 4 melatonin pills (3mg each) to sleep last night. Normally take 1-2. But I did sleep and when I woke up during the night, just took two more. These are natural pills; melatonin is a chemical produced by your body to enduce sleep, so they should only be taken before bed and in a dark room. But they work. And there's no druggie after affect.
I am amazed by the power of my mind. I spoke to the guy who is tapering off of methadone, and actually found myself beginning to sneeze, yawn, eyes tear in excess while speaking to him. when i ended the call, the symptoms began to cease, and I wondered how much of an effect speaking to someone whom I know is on opiates affected me.
The cravings aren't as intense as other times, and I wonder how much this has to do with the long acting diazepam. even when the initial effect has worn off, I still feel anxiety free, and I wonder how much the long half life has to do with this.
Fingers crossed, but this time seems much more bearable than other times I jumped off suboxone, and I do believe it is due to the fact that I tapered down. By the time I got down to 1 MG, I was feeling withdrawal upon waking, even if it wasnt time for my dose. When I tapered even more to .75-.50 (hard to tell when it's in bits and pieces), the withdrawals set in 10-12 hours after taking the dose. I think this should make them over with sooner (at least I am hoping so). I also think my mood is helping me. Whenever a craving hits, I think about how wonderful it will be to never go through this again, and to never be drug dependent again.
We'll see what tomorrow brings, but for now, I feel pretty proud of myself, and that's also helping tremendously.
Be careful with the L-Tyrosene and the 5HTP. I've found that they're really dose-sensitive, and too much causes anxiety.
Don't take them the way you'd take pills to feel better right away. They have to build up over a couple days. They are precursors, not drugs.
I tried taking 5HTP during withdrawals and took too much and had to stop, it had me climbing the walls! Later I took it during the post-withdrawal depression (PAWS) phase and it was really helpful. One pill per day with breakfast... after a couple days I was able to think clearly and make decisions and stopped being so lazy. Also it helped me sleep at night.
About two weeks ago I added one dose of L-Tyrosine each day. That stuff is like crack! It gives me a ton more mental energy, but makes it difficult to relax in the evening, and leaves me feeling kind of mentally paralyzed. I think I'm going to back off and take one every other day instead.
Keep going skitsofrenik. You are doing great!!!!
Day 3 - Excellent work!
I feel your pain.
I recently swiched over from taking Oxys and norcos, to Suboxone. I got a friend to go to a doctor and get the subs. I been thinking, what have I done. I basicly lied to him, so he could get the subs for me... Anyways, last night I took about 4-6 mg of subs, and been taking about the same doses the last 2 weeks. I woke up today, and decided I had enough and wont take anymore. So far so good, although im starting to feel the w/d a little, nothing too bad. I wish you luck on this! I hope to soon be following right behind you, Aloha
Travis, I am actually glad we'll be doing this together. All's I can say is, my mind more than anything is really screwing with me at times. I am so used to being numbed to so many different things, even something simple like sneezing, that when it occurs, my mind kicks into overdrive and I feel an intense need to use. I will actually feel much worse than I know, logically, i should...but whatever part of the brain which controls that addict behavior takes over briefly.
Yesterday afternoon/evening was the worse yet, but I found I could handle it by speaking to my friend on the phone for a couple hours. Then I watched a movie and went out for a walk. Moving my body isn't the chore I expected; it's the getting going initially which proves difficult. The stomach problems are much more pronounced as well, but I've been chewing antacids and taking immodium. Since last night, I've developed a pretty killer headache (I am also not used to having headaches, though I am sure 14 years of opiate addiction would've stopped them in their tracks). As my friend keeps telling me, this is just my body going back to "normal." He said normal people get aches and pains. Normal people have to deal with upset stomachs. When I think of it that way, it makes it easier. Also, knowing that each day that passes, I am getting stronger and better.
My biggest piece of advice, at this point in the detox, is preparation. Make sure to prepare. Have the right foods and drinks handy. Know your problem withdrawal symptoms and have whatever you can around to deal with said symptoms. And make sure your mind is ready! Yes, even if you go into this with a strong mind, know cravings WILL hit you, and this is OK. Normal, in fact. It's just how you choose to deal with them.
I am hoping and praying tomorrow sees the tide turn. I think I peaked yesterday and today, so I hope tomorrow I am beginning to see the woods clear. But if not, I am prepared to deal with whatever else comes my way.
Thanks to all for your support! Good luck to anyone else going through this, planning a taper/detox, or supporting a loved one through this process!
Hmmm...progress??? I woke up this morning and sneezed only ONE TIME! I still feel like stretching, but it isn't that ugly, can't ever stretch enough feeling. It's more like the residuals of the icky stretching. My mind is becoming more and more clear. I got two more valiums from one of my friends; they offered me 5 but I refused. I don't want to develop a benzo habit on top of everything else. But I don't feel like I need it. My anxiety is less to do with any withdrawals and more to do with my future drug-free life...it is good anxiety, mostly...
i did have some serious stomach issues last night. I decided to eat some clam chowder and some fried shrimp, since my stomach was growling. Bad idea, at least I think on the fried food. I developed the worst stomach ache within 5 minutes of eating. I had to stop at a drug store and pick up some pepto bismol. It helped a lot though.
Right now, I am about to take: b-6 caps, multivitamin, fish oil pill (I've read the omega-3 in fish helps tremendously to repair the body), vitamin c pill, alpha lipoic acid (an important amino acid, which are the building blocks of our cells), and some ashwaganda (I've read online that this herb helps with withdrawals). I'm also taking some milk thistle to detoxify my liver.
Biggest difference today versus other days, though? I slept, i swear, for about 10 hours straight...I feel much better...my increased senses are still messing with me...but as my friend keeps saying..."this is how you're supposed to see/smell/hear/taste." I am just not used to having my "normal" senses...I strongly recommend, while detoxing, to not use the bathroom following one of your nasty male relatives...my brother came over and I swear I almost lost it when I went in the bathroom after he'd used it! it's crazy how much more vivid everything is!
Today is a beautiful, sunny (yet crisp) day in Seattle...it's funny...the past four days have been rainy and miserable, and today is beautiful...I think I am going to hit the gym and see how I do and then spend a good amount of time outside...
I hope this isn't just the eye of the hurricane. But I do feel much better (except for some lingering stomach issues). But my body temp, achiness, anxiety, headaches, seem to be dissapating.
Thanks again for all your support. i will definitely keep you all posted.
skitsofrenik~ Your doing an awesome job!! You are strong and pushing through no matter what. You know that it's so worth it to have your life back and to live it the right way. I hope that the worst is over for you. Keep at it. It get's easier, just takes patience and time!! Good luck, and continue to post. I will definitely keep reading your progress
"If I NEVER use again, I will NEVER have to feel this way"
First of all, I'd like to say "thank you" to all of you who have posted and/or are following this thread. it makes a big difference to know i've got some support from people who understand what I'm going through!
I used to think "are you kidding me???" when I would read that exercise is vital to a positive detox experience. I get the logistics of it: increased endorphins and what not. But moving when I feel so badly? Let me tell you, maybe not during the first few days, but by day 5, definitely get out and do something more strenuous than walking. I hit my gym and actually exercised for a half hour longer than I normally do because it felt so d*mn good. I never realized before, but suboxone, even a low dose, does have a somewhat druggie effect, which makes it more difficult to maintain a workout. Without it? my body was free to move...and move I did!
I took some more melatonin for sleep last night. I woke up with some minor tearing of the eyes and some chills. I feel tired, but not to the point where I feel I can't do anything. I will be attending my martial arts for the first time in a week...one on one session...no way to hide in the back! We'll see how I do.
As of now, what I am still feeling are: minor fluxuations in body temp (mainly chills), minor cold or allergy like symptoms (runny eyes, nose, sneezes), and minor aches.
Last time I tried to detox off of suboxone, I jumped from 3 mg. I had horrible flushing, hot and cold flashes, restless leg syndrome, insomnia, creepy crawlies, diareah (sp?), vomiting, and anxiety and headaches. I think the reason why it was so bad last time, is I didn't take proper care of my body in the months leading up to the detox. This time, I ate fresh fruits, veggies, and "good" protein...i.e., no red meat or pork. Just eggs, chicken, lots and lots of fish, soy, and nuts and legumes. I've been drinking tons of water, gatorade, and worked out a lot before I jumped. Plus I tapered to below a milligram. I really think this stuff helped...plus my attitude, of course. But this has been less painful...take care of your body before, during and after the detox, I am telling you...our bodies have an amazing ability to regenerate. We just have to give it the right bricks to rebuild...
Take care, all. I will post again tomorrow. Today, I still feel like I am getting an illicit substance out of my body...but it feels quite doable.
I've gotta tell ya...detoxing off of methadone 2 and a half years ago put some fear into me. I can remember tapering down from 65mg to 1MG over the course of a year. I remember thinking: "Wow. This will be a piece of cake. I don't feel anything." when I took that final jump. 4 days later and that initial dope-sickness began to kick in...and I remember thinking..."4 days? Are you f*ck*ng kidding me? 4 days? How long will this sh*t last???"
I made it 2 and half months withdrawaling off methadone before i relapsed first on vicodin (which didn't do hardly anything), then finally, morphine sulphate, to which I became addicted. my mind craftily talked me into it...just take a pill so you can get through this job interview...just take something a little stronger so you can eat something solid...
and there I was again.
That was my fear with suboxone: that the long half life would make for a drawn out withdrawal. I do swear by the theory that if you get to 1 mg or less of subs, that long half life means diddly squat. Maybe it's a little longer than your average opiate, but it ain't the 4 days of methadone half life.
Anyway, I am telling myself that, because for some reason, I broke down and cried about a half an hour ago. Just started crying. These weren't tears of joy either. More like tears of...fear...??? How strong is that addict in my mind? I've got the cold turkey goosebumps on my skin and the chills running through my body, and a slight headache...but I am all of a sudden come over very depressed. What will I do if I fail again? And is it enough to do it for me?
Before I quit, i did A LOT of soul searching to discover why in the hell I felt compelled to commit the slow suicide which addiction is. i am certainly not a stupid person. If anything, i am probably a bit deeper than most people. I meditated and thought and talked and was honest and came to some deep realizations. I thought I'd made peace with my childhood, family, past sins, guilt and shame.
I guess, like my pain receptors, my emotions are working overtime as well. the stars look more beautiful. Flowers smell sweeter. But the negative will be heightened as well. And for some reason, I felt the need to weep. It has passed, but it happened, and will probably happen again.
On the plus side, I enjoyed my one on one martial arts session a lot, and am glad I attended. Which makes the crying jag even more suspect...meh.
Thanks. Hopefully in a better mood tomorrow...day 7 tomorrow, don't you know!
Well....on the physical, things are looking up. My appetite is definitely coming back. I had eggs and potatoes for breakfast and they tasted wonderful. Had my first cup of coffee all week and it pepped me up, but it tasted fine. Still have goosebumps, chills, yawns, tearing eyes, and sneezes. None of the hot flashes I had last time I tried to jump off of subs, but i did it last time in the middle of summer.
On the mental side of things? A mental snowball began in my head about the last guy I was with, who was an exploitative, manipulative, dishonest user. I had made peace with this situation, I thought, knowing I knew what I was getting when we started up (I was definitely that gal who felt I wasn't good enough for a decent guy, but thought I'd begun working through this stuff). I became irate thinking about everything he said and did, the threats, the abuse, the lies...it took me a good while to calm down and now his stupid face is front and center. Thought I'd forgiven him and myself? I don't know.
I am thinking I should find someone to talk to about all of these feelings...there's so many now...it's like a rollercoaster, i swear...up and down, content and angry, irritable and calm.
I've never enjoyed meetings but perchance I should hit one up, just in case...think I will do that tonight.
Keep you all posted, as usual. Thanks!
Spent some time yesterday down by the Sound...it was so beautiful: the tide was out and the water and sky almost matched in color...I was pretty cold but I am more and more getting used to the fact that, "Hey, dummy, normal folks get cold when it's windy."
Still having some minor stomach issues, cold flashes, sneezes, but it comes on in waves, not all the time. The sweating and frequent urination sucks big time, but I know everything will even itself out in time.
I've been having very vivid dreams of late. They feel so real while occuring that when I wake I feel a little out of place.
My energy is picking up. My appetite is coming back full force. I am making sure to continue eating the "right" foods...lots and lots of fresh fruit and veggies, salmon, crab, chicken, soy, nuts, wheat. No more fried foods for this chick after what happened a couple days ago.
It's so weird...i am looking back at day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...and I can't believe the difference I feel.
My moods are still a little wack. I guess I never properly dealt with that break up (I did just 86 the guy after he intimated he wouldn't be adverse to hitting a woman to "keep her in check.") No closure at all, and though I was "clean" on suboxone, I wasn't really, was I? I'm discovering that day by day...my mind is so much clearer...free to ponder it all...I did spend some time talking to a friend about the break up last night and she suggested I write a letter to get my feelings all out and then throw it away. not a bad idea.
I'm gonna go work out now. That's made a world of difference in my mood swings. Ciao!
I am right where you are except I am not really through sort-of-speak. It's been a blissful few weeks tapering from my usual self-destructive pattern. Opiates caused me to do things I never did on any other drug. The love affair with these pills has been eratic, even in the best of times. There have certainly been some amazing ups and downs with surprisingly little concern on my part for either. The quiet content inside me kept the feelings at bay. I was never an extreme junky. I had never dove into morphine or oxycontin. I was never a more than a "10 pills a day" individual. I was always cautious of my activities, but after a couple of years only the first few hours of the morning were skillfully constructed in a healthy manner. Until a few weeks ago when I began tapering, I only got pleasure from the first and last pills of the day. The rest were strict maintenance for my aggressive addiction. Sleep has not been a problem. I take Nyquil at night, but only hours after the last pill. From 10, I have gone to no less than 4, but no more than 8. Scheduling is now my issue, and with that in mind I found that today could be the answer to that problem. I am glad to see at least one person making the best of quitting. I have read so many entries where others are sad and dismayed for months at a time. I have started my own post directly above yours so if you would want you can always stop in and check up on me. Although, I do want to take this time to say goodluck, as well as, thank you for keeping up-to-date on your post. It really does give me hope.
Thanks so much, soberlife, for your kind and supportive words. I applaud you for tapering off of full agonist opiates on your own...weening off the maintenance drugs kicked my behind, and I've never once had the will power to taper off >>>>>>, morphine, or even vicodins.
Where I am at right now, honestly? I think I focused so much on the physical that I forgot about the flood of emotions which would undoubtedly surface...for 16 years I've numbed my emotions with drugs and/or alcohol, with forced breaks due to arrests or rehabilitations...always I picked back up using, because who was gonna tell me how to live my life? Even methadone got me high as a kite, and suboxone definitely numbed me out. I don't care what anyone says: it gives you a little buzz and puts a stopper on your true self. I've known people who use it recreationally and get quite high off of it.
Anywho...these emotions...I am dealing with them through writing, crying, laughing, talking, meditating, whatever I can do. The physical has really tapered off to waves here and there of withdrawals, nothing really all that bad.
So be prepared for that. Super prepared...the mind is so much stronger than the body can ever be.
Good luck to you and thank you again! Hope you and yours have a wonderful weekend.
Days 10 and 11
Had a pretty good weekend...I'm not a mother but my mother is...spent some time with the fam and it was pretty cool.
So here's the deal. I am blown away by how much easier this time around was versus the other times I quit subs. I am convinced it is because of these things (I've listed these things individually throughout my posts but thought I'd sum it up for anyone who might be interested in my experience). Keep in mind, this is just what worked for me. I can't speak for anyone else...:
1. I quit drinking about 2 months before I quit. Alcohol is quite damaging to the body. i used to drink to knock myself out (if i could hold it down) when I was withdrawaling...I really think giving my body that break helped it.
2. I also quit smoking weed...smoked since I was 14, or for 16 years...again, I know folks use it during withdrawals, but it's a drug, you know? and it affects your lungs, brain, etc.
3. I quit smoking a year ago last month. I don't think the cigarettes help too much either.
4. I began exercising 5-6X a week the day after i stopped drinking. Exercise is a great way to produce endorphins, it made my body stronger, and I believe it made it easier to move.
5. I cut red meat from my diet and began loading up on fish, chicken, soy, and eggs.
6. Cut out fried/fast food.
7. Cut out refined sugars.
8. Began eating a butt ton of raw fruits and veggies every day.
9. Began taking daily supplements:
*milk thistle for liver detoxification
* alpha lipoic acid for neutrotransmitter rebuild
* echinacea (immune system)
*dandelion (immune system)
* multi vitamin
All of the above help repair the body...during drug addiction, we do so much damage to ourselves. I have also been reading about l-glutamine (though I can't find it at any local stores) and Adrenal Plus (to repair the adrenal glands).
I TRULY BELIEVE taking such good care of my body through diet, exercise, vitamin/mineral supplementation has shortened the physical withdrawal...I didn't even experience the lethargy and dysphoria I was so used to...I felt a lot more energetic this time around...
No matter what, it can't hurt, right?
L-Tyrosine is helping with the PAWS I am experiencing...as it stands, lingering body temp issues via chills and sweats and some trouble sleeping, which melatonin knocks out...
This time is different, folks. Much different.
just to be clear...
I did ALL OF THESE THINGS PRIOR TO ACTUALLY JUMPING OFF OF SUBS. Taking care of myself beforehand, I truly, truly believe, was instrumental....
Hi, I am glad you have made it through the worst of it, I believe. I am not going into much personal history with drug abuse and my struggles with Subs, you have summed much of my own in your experiences. Instead, I will express what I think is the light at the end of the tunnel and maybe encouraging thoughts to maintain clean living. I am 9 days clear of Subs and feel good, not 100% yet because I see that much more room to grow again. Apparently, I have suppressed much emotion through those years because I am feeling it lately. This is not a bad thing, this is natural. It is how I react that counts. Please remember this... Stuff is always going to happen to all of us. It is how we react that makes it positive or negative, which in turn can make or break us. I think this relates very much to how we become addicted to many things, especially substances. I have no illusions about the future and what it may hold, it will have trials and challenges no doubt, but my new found optimism based on allowing my natural physiology to reemerge is the force which I chose to use to keep the way clear and possibly reclaim the energy that was dear to me.
If you had the patience to read what I have written above than I Thank you for listening and I sincerely wish you well..
Thank you so much skitsofrenik for this diary. My bf is currently on day 6 of suboxone withdrawal and reading your experiences is so insightful. He is experiencing similar things as you have been. My partner is not as active and structured or even as proactive as you have been in this process and although I am supportive, offering him those suggestions just creates a me thinking I know more then him and it isn't a great time for that. I tread lightly and give space while picking up extra gatorage, bolthouse farms juice drinks, movies, and then getting him to play Wii for some movement. Although I am the one following this, I do it for the hope that he can follow right behind you and keep the positive outlook going. I read it because it gives me a sense of peace and understanding of what I can expect from his withdrawal. I hope you will continue posting each day. It is inspiring. Thank you.
day ummm 1...
Im new here and because of the positive words of encouragement, I will probably visit often. Ok lets see. Ive been on suboxone for about 4 years. Quitting is long over due...Ive tried the jump a few times before but always gave up because of the depression side of it; plus I wasnt ready. This time I can continue to afford/obtain subs but I refuse. Its time.
Ive been having mild to moderate withdrawl symptoms for 3 days now but yesterday I took .5mg a suboxone because that was all I had left. Two days before that I had .25mg. So Im guessing this is really day 1.
Yes some of the stories scare me especially since Ive been on subs for so long, (not to mention trying to detox before) but this time Im so ready that I even smile about it. "Let it burn" is what I said to a friend in a dream last night when discussing this whole detox im ahead of.
Im not one to run out and try exactly what someone else has so right now Im working with what I got: multi vitamins, herbal supplements, lots of water, trips to the gym, lots of fruits and vegtables, and meditation. Oh and laughter. I cant believe I forgot to mention that my decision to quit was also fueled by the fact that I have never been so happy...ever. So again, its time.
Good luck to all of you.
RE: umm..day 1
Marru27, I think it is great that you are encouraged and ready to give it another go. I've read a lot of horror stories and it can be scary. Again, I am not the one detoxing or withdrawing..but I love my partner very much and I know that suboxone was a great help to him this last year, but that he is also ready to go at it all without it. So here we are. I look forward to all of the posts you all will leave. I find it encouraging and it helps me be a better support to my partner..whether someone is on day 1 or day 10. My partner has 8 days now. He's working full time. He's not the most pleasant person, but he's faking it during the day. He comes home cold and achy. Hot showers make him feel better. He keeps saying that it feels like it's all gone when he's in the shower and for like the first few minutes after..but then he has a sneezing fit and he feels awful again. Dilated eyes, irritable, achy, restless sleep..upset stomach too. These are the things he's feeling. Although it seems to be easing up slightly. My hope is that he continues to stick it out til the weekend. He can then rest and relax all he wants. I hope you continue on each day. Keep posting. It is helpful.
Ok Im pretty optimistic at this point. Maybe I will check back in during the day, but for now I feel way better than I thought I would. Last night my sons ball practice lasted 3 hours and I was so uncomfortable! As soon as I got home I took a shower (which was lovely) and went straight to bed. This was around 9:30pm. At about midnight I was tossing and turing and had these awful chills in my spine. I couldnt sleep and man did it piss me off! I got up, took a valium, and wasnt waking up again until about 4:30am.
With the past jump attemps, I remember almost dancing on the 3rd day because the symptoms were so mild and that made me happy. My doc would say go 4 days and you have it whipped...yeah right! So we'll seee.
Thanks for the diaries, theyve really helped, and congrats to the partner who is on day 9. That really rocks and Im proud. Hanhg in there all!
Well today is just under two weeks and though my sleep patterns are still interrupted, I feel better during the day. I can't help but think that the struggle to detox must be slightly different for each of us. Depending on our lifestyles, personal history, personalities, and moreover, strength of resolve. My resolve is going to see me through not only the detox and recovery, but the long term. Maybe I over analyze, but I have seen to many recovering addicts relapse so I think this is very important. That said, I do believe there is a window of opportunity here in the detox phase. I think about any drug that controlled my life in so many ways while I was on it, affecting mode and behavioral patterns, denying me my natural life. And then on top of all this, the misery of breaking free from this.. there is no way I am ever going to subject myself to this again. Whatever discomfort and residual psychological effects I feel at this point (to be honest, not that bad), pales in comparison. Allowing myself to see this whole thing for what it is will be instrumental in me walking away from it for good a stronger person. For those who are two, three or five days in detox, I say to you.. It does get better and you will get through.
Thanks for your support and allowing me to share..
Days 12 and 13
Thanks to everyone who has posted. Again, knowing i'm not the only one going through this is so helpful. Sometimes, when we're in withdrawal, or even out of it but feeling a way which we feel no one else can understand, it is so helpful to know there are others struggling as we are.
Some insights I've had of late. I've been doing research on the effects of black tar >>>>>>...and boy oh boy, I cannot believe I injected that poison into my body...then, thinking prescription drugs like methadone, morphine, and sub should at least be "better" for me was a real eye opener...go to your library and find some books on PET scans of long term opiate users...it doesn't matter the type, they are all equally atrocious...
But I am also feeling grateful. Like I said in a previous post (think it was my first one) I am grateful I am an addict. I cannot change the past, I cannot change my genetics (I do believe nature/nuture had a big hand in my addiction), I cannot change the abuse I suffered...but I do feel like beating this every day makes me stronger, and I do believe it has given me untold amounts of empathy. I'll never turn my nose up at someone who lives in their parents' basement or doesn't drive a nice car because I used to be homeless...and I know everyone suffers, some worse than others, and the mind can be a deadly place to be trapped.
I also have rediscovered the value of spirituality, nature, PHYSICAL ECERCISE!!! LOL, I feel so good working out now...I look back and remember how hard I had to force myself to get to that gym, give up soda and candy, give up fast food, and munch on the fruits and veggies (rabbit food)...and I am amazed at my progress.
I see...it takes time...it all takes time...but putting in that time is so satisfying.
Someone mentioned laughing. I just finished watching "Raising Arizona" (I love the Coen brothers) and couldn't believe how much I laughed and enjoyed it, even though I've seen it countless times. I also saw Iron Man 2 two days ago and couldn't believe how much better it was watching the movie "sober." I would never watch a movie without at least 4 beers and a bowl...
Physically? It's harder for me to wake up in the morning, but perhaps this because I'm not dissolving a pill under my tongue upon waking. My bowels are almost like clockwork. My stomach feels better. Some minor sweating and yawning (though the yawning could just be because of cutting down on caffeine too).
I've had cravings. The reason? My stupid butt went around a friend who is currently a pill addict. I was actually offered a bottle of pills and told to "take some if you want." I actually felt like I was being tempted by Satan himself. I stared at the bottle and started to open it, then gave it back and said nonchalantly "Naw, I'm cool." Then I "remembered" a family engagement and high tailed it.
Yep...giving up old folks is hard for me...but I gotta do what's best for me...something I haven't been doing for as long as I can remember.
Thanks so much everyone and good luck to those who are still going through this. YOU CAN DO IT!
I really like what you had to say. That was awesome to read. Okay well maybe I want to share something...I read all of these stories about how bad of an addict the particular person is and I think...my God...my story is much different.
I have a rare skin condition known as Epidermolysis Bullosa (Eb). Ive been on various kinds/strengths of pain meds ALL my life. ALL. But that was just it: it was for pain, which I had to use often, but when there was no pain, there were no meds. Wasnt even a thought in my mind. But I had everything and anything I wanted. But when my sons father dies March 20th 2005 (R.I.P. D.E.G.) I knew just how to escape. I would chew 10 10mg percocets at a time and realized that when I did that, I couldnt cry. Not a tear. By August I knew I had a problem. Maybe 30 a day. Never had to resort to stealing or spending every last dime on em. Never went to morphine; oxys even. I was a few weeks away from graduating college when I decided to get help but at the time going to a treatment facility wasnt gonna happen. So I go see this doc in Nashville (wonderful...were such good friends since of all this) and he started me out on 8 mgs a day. 16mg if I wanted it but I never took more than 4. Now remember this is in 2005 so that was the dose I have been on all this time. It wasnt until last fall that I dropped to 2mgs. It wasnt because I made myself do it. I wanted it, but my body didnt. It was too much.
So............anyways, guess its because I refuse to get off the couch for the next hour is the reason I feel the need to make a huge story out of this: Im not great with words, but good luck to everyone of you. I have no idea. None.. Ive been inspired by all of you.
On one more note day two is just fine with me.
Last edited by ddcmod; 05-13-2010 at 07:47 PM.