[justaguylookingforhelp]

Hi there,

I am a long time addict. (Anything....mainly pain killers though. 12-18 10's a day. Never over 20) Went to a in patient recovery program app. 6 years ago. (cold turkey) Stayed COMBLETELY sober for app. 3 years. During that 3 years...I HATED my life! I was not happy being sober.

I have always had serious ANXIETY problems! (even before drugs) The normal drugs perscribed for anxiety, I did not like and did not work. (xanax, valium etc.) Hydrocodone has always made me feel "normal". NO ANXIETY NO DEPRESSION. Very rarely did/do I feel really high from them. My addicts brain says, "Well....this is the only thing that works for anxiety and depression. So why not take them?"

Does anyone take PKs for these reasons alone? Or do all of us take them for these 2 reasons?

So...I relapsed. (only PKs)I have been taking 12-18 norcos everyday for over a year. About 2 months ago, (during a HORRIBLE withdrawl...simply cause I was out) I finally told my wife. She was/is somewhat supportive. I decided to go to a clinic. I was on 6mgs of Suboxone for about 2 weeks. It worked GREAT, but gave me HORRIBLE migrane headaches. I switched to methadone. Only 30mgs a day. (first time on this)

Good news: It works GREAT! I feel "NORMAL"
Bad news: We are having a lot of finacial problems. I told the clinic I could not come anymore and they are tapering me down now. $240 a month is a lot when we can't pay rent.

I know methadone is dirt cheap. My wife is willing to hold it and dose me. What kind of Dr. will perscribe methadone for me? I do have a bad back.?. What about a psychiatrists?

Is methadone safe to take for many many years? Your entire life? I have paralizing anxiety! It effects my everyday life. work/friends (have none)/any relationships.

Does anyone out there empathize with such bad anxiety?

Sorry so long. Please help if you can.

[bev49]

I empathize... I sympathize.... I was a heroin addict a very long time ago, switched to methadone and, because they don't encourage yo uto get off and mostly becdause I just let it go, I was on a program for 33 years.. I switched to sub last year and am now thinking about tapering. Where do you live? My program was $20 a week, in NY. I think most addicts suffer from anxiety, the narcotics are like a blanket that protects you from those feelings but not the right way to go to deal with anxiety. Addiction/withdrawal will cause worse anxiety. I wish I knew what to say about dealing with anxiety. I don't but I do know some people stay on methadone long term... I did.... But I regret it all now.

[justaguylookingforhelp]

Yeah....I live in Austin Tx. It is $60 a week here. They are all about the money! If you are late 1 day they immediately start to lower your dose.

I simply can't afford the fees. I can't afford to go through a week of withdrawl either. I just started a new job.

Ya know....when I cry....I cry for all of us.

thanks again

[Araminta]

Hey Guy,

I wish I had some actual helpful advice for you, but I don't. I have a friend in your city who is on the clinic, but because they diagnosed her with anxiety issues, and give her Atavin for it, they charge her less. She also has a clinic card and lives in section 8 housing, though. I guess if you are in that boat they cut you a little slack. Her life sucks, though, and she's trying to get off of the stuff.

I do understand what you mean about opiates and anxiety though...All too well.
And feeling normal on them. Yeah. Having said all that, I did have quite a lot of years as a functioning fully clean and sober person. I had some depression, but not so much anxiety. Now since I've been taking pain meds for my back pain and a benzo to sleep, I've got all kinds of anxiety and depression. I had a few good years on the pain meds, but more not on anything.

I went swimming today for the first time in a while, hoping that getting some regular exercise back in my life would let me sleep and not be depressed. It seemed like it worked for a little while.

Long term methadone use is very hard on the body from what I've heard. Not that it helps, but I think it's savage that someone who actually functions better on opiates has to be a criminal to meet that need. Savage, but our reality.

I'm really just posting to say that I really sympathize with your situation and I know exactly what you mean. I wish you all the luck in the world.

I imagine that neither you nor I can afford a shrink, but that might be something to shoot for (not that they'll prescribe opiates for anxiety, of course) but I believe there are some smart kind ones out there that really can help.

Best,

Ara