Hi everyone! I just found this site and have to say that y'all are awesome. This is a great support group and I hope ya'll can help answer some of my questions. The fact that I'm on this board answers one of my questions (that I may have a problem)! I think I've been in denial for a very long time.
A little history...hope this isn't too long. I'm 36, recently divorced, no children. I was always the "good girl"...never drank and if I did, I might would have half a glass of wine. I tried pot once or twice in my early twenties and never really saw what the attraction was (made me tired and hungry). Anyway, my marriage was mediocre...not great, not terrible, but we had nothing in common and he tried to control me without success. So I turned 35 and thought "what am I doing?" So I left him to try and find some happiness. I was totally unprepared for what I was about to go through. I've always been the forever optimist and thought I would just pick right up and move on, have an amicable divorce and all would be right with the world. I'll spare y'all the gory details! LOL! Anyway, a friend and I were hanging out at my apartment one night, and she offered me a
Lortab. I said "what for?" And she said she liked them every once in a while to relax and I thought well, that might be kinda cool. I tried it and felt this euphoria I had never felt. I loved it! So for the next month or so, everytime we would get together (once a week) she would give me a Lortab 10 which I could only take a half or it would make me sick. Then I found myself wanting one a little more often, because they helped with my depression and actually made me happy. Well, you can see where this is going! Fast forward a little over a year. I found a supplier and starting taking a half a pill every night when I came home from work. Then I started taking a whole one, cuz the half wasn't doing the trick anymore. Then about 3 months ago, I bought my own house and had a huge fight with my sister with whom I've always been close. We haven't spoken since. I could not cope with that and the other stressors in my life, so I starting taking half a Lortab on my way to work. WOW! Work was so much fun on meds. Then a half in the morning turned into 2 a day through out the work day and 2 at night. I've been doing this for about 3 months. I'm disgusted with myself, embarrased that I've succomed to this and hate what it's doing to my life. I feel like I can't function anymore without these pills. I've been working out for 4 years with a personal trainer, looked the best I've ever looked, and even started training for a fitness competition. Now, I can't hardly bring myself to go to the gym, have lost so much weight I look anorexic and am just generally fed up! Soooooo, I tried to quit! OMG! And that's when I realized I have a problem. I had the runs so bad, I couldn't stay off the toilet and felt like total S!@#! So, my question to all of you is this...have I been taking these pills long enough to suffer withdrawal symptoms and I think the psychological part is worse than the physical part. How do you get to where you don't want them anymore? I'm not taking them at work anymore, but can't wait til I get home to have one. I HATE THIS SO MUCH! Please help me understand what this is doing to me. I love y'all for this board.
New to this....think I have a problem 
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