[greenday]

You are doing great. I really think you are going to start feeling better very soon. I mean, if you could make it through that interview yesterday, you can make it through anything. What was that you said about being weak? NO WAY- you are amazing. i could have NEVER made it through an interview at your stage. I am super impressed.

[me717]

Originally Posted by greenday

You are doing great. I really think you are going to start feeling better very soon. I mean, if you could make it through that interview yesterday, you can make it through anything. What was that you said about being weak? NO WAY- you are amazing. i could have NEVER made it through an interview at your stage. I am super impressed.

Shucks Greenday, You are making me blush. I am just trying not to make any sudden movements. Been looking through the boards all morning just seeing what others are doing. Either of you ever heard of Clonidine & have you used it for detox? I suppose at this point I am in far enough that I don't really need it...

I am thinking about walking a couple blocks down the street to stretch and get something to drink. I will let you know how that goes.

[greenday]

I would have posted on a thousand forums if I thought it would help-LOL But glad to hear you like it on this one! We really do care about you and want you to get the life you want. I know it sounds strange coming from someone you have never met and will never meet. You have done so well. When you look back on it a month from now, you will be so proud of youself for sticking with it on these hard days. You will probably be sitting at you desk in you new office AT YOUR NEW JOB THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET and a grin will crack on your face. No one will know what it's about, but it will cross you mind just how far you have come and you won't be able to contain your happiness.

[me717]

I just wanted you to know that I got a call back this afternoon from the place I interviewed and I am suppose to have a second interview tomorrow with the director of the department...so pray for me...I could be on my way to a bigger and better job!!!

[greenday]

hello!!! you could be on your way to more than a better job-LOL

[me717]

Hi. I wanted to check in and let you know how my 2nd interview went...I believe I ROCKED IT!!! I have a friend in the same office and she said that the other two applicants didn't have a 2nd interview and she said she would be really surprised if I didn't get a call Monday morning offering me the job. Now just to make it through the weekend.

On another note, I have been having some medical issues and went in after my interview to an urgent care clinic and I have a kidney infection...I am in pain which I imagine is intensified because of the detox but I have been using just advil and the heating pad. The dr. said the pain should be better in 24 or so hours because of the strong antibodics...I REALLY want stronger medicine but I was able to say no when offered!!! Can you believe that!?!

In a few hours we are heading out to camp (in a cabin, thank goodness) for the weekend. It was planned by in laws with no way out so I figure I will just lay around and try to take it easy...especially since I have this infection...good excuse to look sick. Maybe the fresh air and hopefully sunshine will do me some good.

I hope you all are doing well. I really appreciate all the support you have given me. I hope you have a good weekend. I will check back in on Monday.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by me717

Hi. I wanted to check in and let you know how my 2nd interview went...I believe I ROCKED IT!!! I have a friend in the same office and she said that the other two applicants didn't have a 2nd interview and she said she would be really surprised if I didn't get a call Monday morning offering me the job. Now just to make it through the weekend.

On another note, I have been having some medical issues and went in after my interview to an urgent care clinic and I have a kidney infection...I am in pain which I imagine is intensified because of the detox but I have been using just advil and the heating pad. The dr. said the pain should be better in 24 or so hours because of the strong antibodics...I REALLY want stronger medicine but I was able to say no when offered!!! Can you believe that!?!

In a few hours we are heading out to camp (in a cabin, thank goodness) for the weekend. It was planned by in laws with no way out so I figure I will just lay around and try to take it easy...especially since I have this infection...good excuse to look sick. Maybe the fresh air and hopefully sunshine will do me some good.

I hope you all are doing well. I really appreciate all the support you have given me. I hope you have a good weekend. I will check back in on Monday.

ME,

You have really come a long ways fast. Really proud of you. I so hope you get that new job. I know it will mean a lot to you. That's a lot more $$$.

You asked about Clonidine. It's a blood pressure med used for detox too. Yes I have taken it. Think I have taken everything there is for detox. It helps, but at the stage you are at I don't think it would benefit you. It would have helped in the very beginning, but I wouldn't bother now.

Have fun this weekend, as much as possible. Hate that you have a kidney infection but like you said, you have an excuse for not wearing a big smile all the time all weekend around the FAM. LOL Just concentrate on you. That is enough to handle. You will feel so much better come Monday. You will have almost three more days under your belt, you will likely have a new job and you should be over the worst of the kidney infection. You will be hard to handle by then!!! Good luck this weekend and God bless. Keep smiling.

[me717]

So we went on our camping trip this weekend with the in-laws...my kidney infection and withdraws got the best of me and I snuck two of my husband's pills. I haven't had anymore but I feel ashamed that I even had what I did. So here I am back at square one, I guess. I hate Mondays...I am so grouchy this morning...and now I have to wait on the call to see if I got the job or not. Am I really as big a loser as I feel like this morning?

[mommy3]

No you arent a loser! Dont even think that way. It is very hard for us to not relapse and extremely hard when we are in actual pain, especially a kidney infection. Its better to realize what you did and not do it again then to just give up and start taking them again. We are here for you, dont give up.

[me717]

mommy3, I know, my thinking really needs to change if I am going to overcome all this. I am also extremely anxious to know if I am going to get a job I REALLY want. Today is tough for me...but I am so glad I found this board and people to talk to. Thank you. I keep chanting to myself, "I just need to get through today."

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by me717

mommy3, I know, my thinking really needs to change if I am going to overcome all this. I am also extremely anxious to know if I am going to get a job I REALLY want. Today is tough for me...but I am so glad I found this board and people to talk to. Thank you. I keep chanting to myself, "I just need to get through today."

Mommy3 is right. As addicts the one thing we all do is use. When we have just a little clean time under our belts it is so easy to do it again, especially when we are under so much pressure and are having pain. I know I have relapsed a lot worse than taking a couple pills. My last relapse almost destroyed me, it almost killed me. Just recognize your actions for what they were and allow it to make you stronger. Beating up on yourself accomplishes nothing. Sometimes we have to do what you did to make us see how a little mistake can cost us everything. Then we don't do it again. You are not a loser. You have come a long ways. Just take this as a learning experience so you don't make the same mistake again. Good luck and God bless.

[greenday]

Hey there! I would think of it as a diet...if you were on a strict diet and you ate a piece of pie, would you totally abandon your diet? Heck no! It's very normal to hit a speed bump on the road to recovery. You lost a battle but are still winning the war. Keep up the good behavior. It's fine, really...

[me717]

Originally Posted by greenday

Hey there! I would think of it as a diet...if you were on a strict diet and you ate a piece of pie, would you totally abandon your diet? Heck no! It's very normal to hit a speed bump on the road to recovery. You lost a battle but are still winning the war. Keep up the good behavior. It's fine, really...

Thank you! I appreciate all this support. So with my speed bump where does this put me in my detox? Will everything start over from the very worst? I feel okay today...my head is killing me and I am still tired add on moody as well. I slept A LOT this weekend. I would try to spend time with the family when I could. I also found myself saying daily prayers, per your advice Robert. It helped me feel like I wasn't so alone which is one of the reasons I didn't take more pills.

I have spent a lot a time on this board today and I really, really want to have my life back but it scares me when I read how people 9 months into being clean still don't feel normal and crave pills everyday. I don't think I could live my entire life constantly anxious...I want a better life. Tell me I won't be punished the rest of my life for making a mistake?

Sorry, I am needy today...I need the extra encouragement...like I said I am moody.

[greenday]

I don't think you will have to start over. About 3 months into recovery I had a kidney stone and got dilaudid IV at the hospital. It didn't have any effects, no withdrawals or nothing. I did NOT get pain pills to come home with as I knew I couldn't trust myself. I would say you are safe, but then again everyone is different.

The cravings are terrible and I still have them. I have no answer for you on that. When I get weak, I come to this forum and read about those in withdrawal and it makes me strong enough to resist temptation. It's hard though. I know what you mean about going the rest of your life fighting the temptations. I just never want to go through that week of hell again.

[me717]

greenday, you are so right...i don't think I ever want to go through the wds again either...your advice of checking the boards often is good...it is what I am doing now. I kind of suspect I will always have the cravings but I guess more specifically, will they always be like they are now? Hourly, daily? I mean, does it get to where I will not be thinking about them as much?

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by me717

greenday, you are so right...i don't think I ever want to go through the wds again either...your advice of checking the boards often is good...it is what I am doing now. I kind of suspect I will always have the cravings but I guess more specifically, will they always be like they are now? Hourly, daily? I mean, does it get to where I will not be thinking about them as much?

I don't know that there is an "absolute" answer to your question. In my case I spent 40 years putting something in my mouth, nose or whatever almost every day. So it stands to reason that I would have a lot more problems with that addictive behavior than someone who did it for a much shorter time. You have not been addicted 40 years, but you have used for some time. I think it would be too optimistic to think it would all disappear, even the thoughts, following detox. You will have to re-program your mind to produce constructive thoughts throwing out the addict thinking.

Just accept that this will take some time ... but it will go away eventually. I still have some using dreams occasionally and I have been clean, except for my last relapse, for a pretty long time ... years. I relapsed for several months, but all of that old recovery was still there. It came right back really quickly. I find that talking with God throughout the day helps me a lot. Not just a methodical prayer but really talking. I do it when I am driving or most anytime it is quiet and I am alone. It really helps me. I am not going to use while I am in a direct relationship with God. It just won't happen for me or anyone else I don't believe.

This will get better for you but you are still taking baby steps in recovery. Don't ask for instant gratification like we did as addicts. We are doomed to fail if we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves or on our recovery. Just take it as it comes. Then you won't be disappointed and think it's not worth the battle anymore. It will get better ... accept that blessing for what it is and look forward to each new day clean. God bless.

[me717]

I GOT THE JOB!!! They called me yesterday afternoon and said they would love to have me on board. WOOHOO!!! Life is Good.

Hey Robert, are these the natural endorphins everyone is talking about? Because dang it feels better than the pills!

So today is a good day. I feel good. I actually had some energy last night to start cleaning the house a bit...since my husband really didn't do what he promised. I think coming clean has opened my eyes to a few things that I might have been avoiding but I believe I need to wait a little longer before taking on anything big emotionally. Am I right? I think right now I can move up from hour by hour to day by day though. I felt I was in a better position today to start reaching out to others and trying to share my story for encouragement and support. Do you all think that is a good idea?

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by me717

I GOT THE JOB!!! They called me yesterday afternoon and said they would love to have me on board. WOOHOO!!! Life is Good.

Hey Robert, are these the natural endorphins everyone is talking about? Because dang it feels better than the pills!

So today is a good day. I feel good. I actually had some energy last night to start cleaning the house a bit...since my husband really didn't do what he promised. I think coming clean has opened my eyes to a few things that I might have been avoiding but I believe I need to wait a little longer before taking on anything big emotionally. Am I right? I think right now I can move up from hour by hour to day by day though. I felt I was in a better position today to start reaching out to others and trying to share my story for encouragement and support. Do you all think that is a good idea?

Congratulations on the new job! Was praying for you that you would get it. Yes, these are the endorphines we talked about and they are great aren't they??? You sound terrific.

I totally agree that while life is turning around for you big time, there is no need to rush ANY major emotional issues. There is NO need to do anything that could possibly compromise your recovery. Don't take anymore risks at this point. Your new job is big enough for you now. Don't set yourself up for any disappointments. You have the rest of your life.

Moving from hour to hour up to day by day is a big move. Recognizing that it's an hour by hour thing is critical. We need to do this in the smallest achievable increments so we experience small but regular successes. Failure is negative and we don't need to look too far down the road early in recovery for sure. Sharing your story with others will help you as well as them. You will see the successes you are experiencing as you share your story. You think about things you wouldn't most likely think about if you were not recapping all of your trials and tribulations. It helps to make you more appreciative. Glad to see you doing so well. Remember that you never have to use again for the rest of your life. God bless.

[me717]

Yep, I know that I am far from total recovery and maintenance but I do feel like I have achieved a lot. Today I feel like I can say day by day but I am also aware that tomorrow might be back to hour by hour. And I know hard days are not over and there are still a lot in front of me and I hope that I can count on you to help me when I have a hurdle

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by me717

Yep, I know that I am far from total recovery and maintenance but I do feel like I have achieved a lot. Today I feel like I can say day by day but I am also aware that tomorrow might be back to hour by hour. And I know hard days are not over and there are still a lot in front of me and I hope that I can count on you to help me when I have a hurdle

In NA they say we never recover totally ... we are just addicts in recovery. I don't know for sure if I totally agree with that or not. It's been long enough now and especially with God's help that I like to consider my addiction in remission at least. There is no way I will act out on my addict thoughts as long as I have Christ in my life. That is the big changing factor for me.

Hard days last for some time, but you can definitely count on me to be here anytime you holler. I'm not going anywhere soon I hope.

[greenday]

Congrats on the new job! I knew you were going to get it. Anyone who gets through an interview in full blown withdrawals is someone I would want working for me!!!! So happy for you! Life is good, don't take it for granted ever again by screwing up with those stupid pills, right? (talking to myself here too-lol)