[EnoughPercs]

They say the hardest part of writing is starting. I'll try as hard as I can to bring you up to speed in the last 4 years of my life as fast as I can.
*
I have a great job & have been there for several years. I've 'gone through the ranks' & been promoted several times.
The truth is that a lot of it is due to the start of my downfall to where I am: A little orange pill called Adderall.
For those of you who don't know, Adderall is used to treat ADD. It is an Amphetamine that is literally 'speed'. Personally, I think it should be outlawed.
I was taking Adderall as prescribed several years ago until nature kicked in & I developed a tolerance to it. After that, I started increasing my dose, ultimately abusing the drug. In my prime, I was taking 80mg a day (twice my highest recommended dosage).
For all of you who know anything about drugs or life, the saying 'What Goes Up Must Come Down' is very true.
Adderall makes you feel unbelievable. It makes you focus incredibly & complete your task at hand better than you thought you could.

- HOWEVER, WITH IT COMES THE COME-DOWN. -

After your 'peak' on Adderall, you start feeling extremely down & depressed, like you have no energy & can't understand the point of living. I've never been suicidal & I still am not, but when I get in those moods, I'm counting the seconds on the clock.

- HISTORY -

I'd take an Adderall 20 MG Time Release Capsule at 7:30 AM, one at 9:30 then Adderall 20 MG tablets at 12:30 PM & finally at 3:00 PM. Adderall prevents you from sleeping & if I took after 3 PM, there'd be NO chance I could fall asleep that night (sometimes I'd stay up all night & not worry, because I’d pop an Adderall at 7:30 anyways to get my day going & I’d feel & work great regardless of no sleep).
I’d go days straight of no eating at all, basically because you have no appetite on Adderall, especially the dosage I was at.
Now if you ever took Adderall, you probably know about the comedown. A regular dose of 20 MG a day comes with a bad comedown. Multiply that by 4. OUCH!

- THE CURE –

About 3 years ago, I found the 'perfect' recipe:
I’d take the Adderall as listed above (sometimes only 60 MG) & when the comedown came late in the afternoon, I’d pop a 10 MG Percocet, followed by several more throughout the rest of the day & evening. To me, it was the BEST POSSIBLE COMBINATION as the Percocet’s Euphoria completely cured the comedown’s depression & ****py feelings.
I’d work from 8:30 AM to 10 PM on an average day, loving every minute of it & be extremely productive and above all, I loved it.
In the back of my mind, I always knew the day to face reality would come. I just tried not thinking about it.
I never needed to take Adderall on the weekends; I only took it for work. I never needed the Percocets on the weekends, I only needed them to handle Adderall’s comedown.
I should also mention I usually smoke a bong or so of pot before I go to sleep as it helps me unwind from the Adderall & it’s craziness.

- RECENTLY –

Several months ago, I quit smoking cigarettes. This was really hard since I’ve been smoking for 8+ years (at least 1 pack a day). Adderall makes you chain smoke so when I stopped cigarettes, I tried stopping Adderall.
Naturally, I wasn’t the same at work. People noticed I was slacking & it was because my body knew work as Adderall’s SPEED & Percocet’s Euphoria.
So, I decided to start taking the Percocets again to subsidize for the lack of smokes & Adderall. I learned that I cannot stop all of these things at once.

- TODAY –

At this time, I no longer get a prescription to Adderall, but unfortunately I started taking it again by getting from my girlfriend. HOWEVER, I’ve limited myself to a MAXIMUM of 40 mg of time release a day. I try to do 20 mg 2 days a week at the end of the week.

- MY PROBLEM –

Besides my problem of having a very difficult time working without the Adderall, my current problem is really with the Percocets. I love them. I don’t ‘crack out’ or do nothing on them, it’s just the opposite. I can only feel normal when I’m on them.
When I take one, I feel great. I get my work done & am extremely active.
As of this post, I’m averaging 7-8 ten mg Percocets a day.

- THE SCARIEST THING –

A few weeks ago, I made a sporadic decision to stop the Percocets. I never realized the definition of Withdrawal until that moment. I took my last one in my stash on a Friday evening, none on Saturday. By Sunday Morning, I felt like absolute $&*^. I felt like I had a bad flu, but I didn’t. I felt I had no energy to move a bone in my body & more depressed than ever before. I think I have strong will power & kept pushing myself towards success. Monday, even worse, Tuesday, no improvements. By Wednesday evening, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I got my hands on a 10 mg Perc & within 20 minutes, I felt completely normal again. After this experience, I decided to tell my girlfriend the truth about the Percs (she knew about the Adderall; she occasionally takes them as prescribed as well). I love my girlfriend & thank God she loves me; she took it very well & she’s still very supportive.

- WHERE I STAND –

This problem is preventing me from tying the knot with my girlfriend as I personally want to be 100% clean before I do. I’ve decided I want to get clean in the next few weeks, but I need a plan. My problem is that I cannot function at work at all without my Adderall & now, especially without my Percs. In-patient Rehab is not an option; I couldn’t talk to my parents about this with them (trust me, I can’t. They aren’t the ‘understanding type’.)
I recently spoke to my doctor about it who has prescribed the Percs (due to chronic back problems) but I honestly don’t know how much he can possibly help.
Ideally, when I go clean, I know I’m going to need to take off at least 2-3 weeks of work to mentally & chemically adjust. I’m at a point where I’m really worried about my future; my physical health (still not eating much & the I’m sure that the Tylenol in the Percocets aren’t helping my liver).
I’m at a point where I need to take a Percocet before any activity; I don’t take more than 1 every 3+ hours, but still, I take them every 3+ hours while awake, every day now for the last few months.

-- PLEASE HELP –-

Please help me with whatever information you can. I need the support & knowledge of those who are where I am & those who’ve been where I am. Unfortunately, most doctors don’t know the real ‘feeling’ of Adderall, Percocet, etc. Which is why I really believe that they cannot relate to you like people in this forum can.

I need the easiest & most convenient way to stop these without disrupting my life / job / family as much as possible.
Whatever method of detox I go with, I definately DO NOT want to feel the way I did the last time I tried quitting the Percocets.

Any words of wisdom will help. Anyone who knows me would least expect that I have this problem as it doesn’t affect my daily activities (I feel it enhances my performance), but I know that it can only get worse from here.

Currently, the only people who know of my problem are myself, my girlfriend, my doc (not much help) & you.

PLEASE HELP ME!!! [V]

[hatelove percs]

ok, as a percocet addict myself, i know how u feel. i am twelve days off the percs myself. i chose to go "cold turkey" but i do not work, just go to school part time. the way your life sounds you may only have one choice. But, i will lay it out for ya. you can take the time off from work and go cold turkey. if u do this expect about a week of feeling like total hell then u will start to improve bit by bit, but first u will think u r dieing. then u will have to deal with the cravings for the drug which are pretty bad also and you need a lot of support from friends, loved ones and a group such as NA or AA or any higher power of your choosing. this will test your limits of sanity to be sure. it CAN be done as many people on this forum have done it and are doing it. I am doing it. it will not be easy. your second choice is to locate a doctor that can prescribe a drug called suboxone. this is an opiate also, but of a different sort, which will kill the withdrawl syptoms for percocet and allow you to continue with work and daily life. it will not get you that euphoria, and if you try to take any other opiate while on it they will not have any effect. sounds like magic huh? well there's a catch. you will become addicted to this also. and the withdrawl from this is worse than from percocet when you finally decide you have had enough of the ride of suboxone. so what you really need to do is inform yourself about this drug and then weigh your options on which you rather do: a week to a week and a half of hell of cold turkey or the magic pill with two weeks to a month of hell later. it is up to really i guess rather the person can afford the time off of work or not i guess. in your situation it sounds like looking into the sub would be beneficial though...good luck!

[EnoughPercs]

Thanks for your advice. In addition to my story above, my other concerns are:
1 How will this effect me mentally? I really believe my mind is so used to working & operating while intoxicated; I hope I can function.

2 I fear I really burned myself out a long time ago, but don't know it due to the effects of the Adderal & Percs.
Even a burnout on these can feel great.

[hatelove percs]

u will definately have to go through a period of readjustment which is why i think the sub may be best for u. if you go through cold turkey it takes a loooong time for your energy and emotions and just plain operating skills to readjust and for you to learn to function without the little helpers so to speak. you are used to being superman. your body is worn out. when you get off these pills you are gonna feel it. exhaustion like never before. you will be pushing yourself to get up to go to the bathroom. forget a shower. the simplest task will seem like a mountain climb. your body has gone through hell with this stuff. you have overloaded your serotonin levels and stuff in your brain and all those endorphins are used to being chemically stimulated. well, they aint gonna be any more. if u take the sub, u will still feel energized. but remember coming off it later will not be a picnic. you can wean off though and it won't be as bad. why don't you come over to the pain killer addiction forum with us and we all are in the same boat and u can get tons of info over there. lots of peeps on sub, methodone, peeps goin cold turkey, peeps still using even. just all different kinds supporting each other no matter what and not judging at all. its real cool.[8D] this is not my first time quitting. i have relapsed many times before but this is my last god willing and the creek don't rise!!![]anyway, whatever option you choose you are making the right choice right this minute, right here and now by joining in and posting! these darn pills will rob you of everything, trust me. if u keep them up eventually u won't have a job to worry about.

[sydbean]

Hello Enough Perks and welcome to the forum!!

There are very, very many people who can relate directly to what you are dealing with. Like my good friend Hate/Love who has already responded to you with great advice. I however have a bit of a different suggestion.

Honestly, I think that suboxone is NOT the way to go. The reason I say this is because the withdrawal when trying to come of suboxone is so much longer and harder and will take longer than the meds you are on now to feel better.

Some people have had success using it as a quick taper and come of it in a matter of weeks rather than months and seem to do okay but I fear that will NOT be the case for you. The reason I say this is the fact that you seem to be someone who becomes addicted rather quickly and along with the physical addiction you are dealing with a VERY strong mental addiction. I think you will not be able to just stop the suboxone after a few weeks. I think for you it will be one of those instances where you will keep pushing it off until "later" because you fear you work with suffer....I could be wrong but for you I am very convinced that it will be a mistake.

So, where to go from here...You said you can take a couple of weeks off from work, correct? This is what you do. You get all the supplies you are going to need. We, at the pain killer addiction forum will be able to give you a list of some very helpful over the counter not narcotic drugs to assist in quitting. I won't list them all now but they are life savers during withdrawal. Okay, next you tell your girlfriend exactly what you have planned so she can help take care of you. Then you set a date (sooner rather than later). Next, and here is the big one...YOU FLUSH ANY PILLS YOU HAVE LEFT!!! It is going to suck. I am not going to lie to you but you know what. You didn't become addicted over night and you aren't going to get clean over night. But I will tell you that day two, three and four are going to be your worst and then you will slowly get better from there. One other thing you are going to do is keep in touch with all of us here (again go under the pain killer addiction thread when you start this journey). It is a wonderful support system!! After the first week you are really going to notice each day is an improvement. It will be helpful to exercise at that point even if it is going for a walk...but anyway we can cross that bridge when we get to it. I think the taking it one day at a time is going to be key for you. I see you "fortune telling" what you think will happen if you are clean and sober. When we are in the deepest depths of our addiction we become convinced that we are invincible when we are doped up and we are nothing without it. It is a tricky thing our mind does to us to hopefully keep us taking the yummy drugs our body craves. But I promise you it is all LIES!!!

Once you get some clean time under your belt you are going to be pleasantly surprised how clear your thoughts are and how much better you function. But like I said, don't worry about that now. Now you need to focus on today and what you are going to do today to get yourself well.

I know that was a lot of info. Sorry for going on for so long. I just want to let you know you CAN do this. Everyone here wants to help you and we will walk you through it step by step and hold your hand the entire time. If you are feeling like poo and can't even get to the computer to post have your girlfriend come on and post and we will give her messages and advise for you.

When you read the pain killer addiction thread you will see how many people have kicked their drug of choice by using the advise and support of this forum!! Please pop on over there. Copy and paste your first post here and put it into a post over there so everyone can meet you...

Hugs,
Syd

[EnoughPercs]

Thank you both so much for your caring replies.
I know that this is going to be hell. I tried cold turkey a few months ago & I've never felt like more ^*#( in my entire life.
Just like you said: When I was in withdrawal, I couldn't even think about touching my computer. This is what worries me about quitting; not being able to communicate with you all. But your idea about my girlfriend typing was great.

It's so weird; Every day I meet people & think 'What drugs are they on to keep them going?' I feel like it's a necessity to function. This is sick.
Everyone I meet I examine their eyes & pupils to try & figure out if this guy or gal does percs not realizing that I am an abnormal, not a normal.

I pray to God that he gives me strength to kick this terrible habit. I'm shooting to go clean sometime in the next 1-2 months (keep in mind I have a company to run & I need to do this in an off-season).

So far, I thank God for showing me this forum. I couldn't ask for more. You all seem so caring for one another & I really admire that. Of course I'll communicate with you all every step of the way, even through the road I'm on now planning my quit date.

No need to apologize for the details, Syd. It makes me happier to see people caring for me & my condition out there.
If one thing feels great besides the euphoria I'm at right now as I type, it's the fact that I know I'll have the right support to go where I want to go when I'm ready to go for it.

However, I am worried about the adjustment.
I cannot work without stimulants. This is my biggest problem. Do I consider another job or career? Am I burned out? I'm in my mid twenties, by the way.
I'm thinking about splurging for a shrink to talk this stuff over with.

What are your thoughts on that?

[tom316]

EP- Cold turkey big guy! We do the crime,we do the time. It's all about won't power! "I won't use anymore" Anybody can go cold turkey if you want it bad enough. It sounds like you have a pretty damn good life going on. Keep using and you can kiss it good bye.Take it from someone who recently has been through all the bad sh*t that comes with addiction.Gotta bounce,I'll check back with you later.Hang in there!

[lyds]

quote:Originally posted by EnoughPercs

Thank you both so much for your caring replies.
I know that this is going to be hell. I tried cold turkey a few months ago & I've never felt like more ^*#( in my entire life.
Just like you said: When I was in withdrawal, I couldn't even think about touching my computer. This is what worries me about quitting; not being able to communicate with you all. But your idea about my girlfriend typing was great.

It's so weird; Every day I meet people & think 'What drugs are they on to keep them going?' I feel like it's a necessity to function. This is sick.
Everyone I meet I examine their eyes & pupils to try & figure out if this guy or gal does percs not realizing that I am an abnormal, not a normal.

I pray to God that he gives me strength to kick this terrible habit. I'm shooting to go clean sometime in the next 1-2 months (keep in mind I have a company to run & I need to do this in an off-season).

So far, I thank God for showing me this forum. I couldn't ask for more. You all seem so caring for one another & I really admire that. Of course I'll communicate with you all every step of the way, even through the road I'm on now planning my quit date.

No need to apologize for the details, Syd. It makes me happier to see people caring for me & my condition out there.
If one thing feels great besides the euphoria I'm at right now as I type, it's the fact that I know I'll have the right support to go where I want to go when I'm ready to go for it.

However, I am worried about the adjustment.
I cannot work without stimulants. This is my biggest problem. Do I consider another job or career? Am I burned out? I'm in my mid twenties, by the way.
I'm thinking about splurging for a shrink to talk this stuff over with.

What are your thoughts on that?

EP, there isn't a lot I can add because Hate/Love and Syd really covered a vast area. Smart ladies, they are.

I will say this about your computer, though. I went cold turkey almost three weeks ago and while I didn't think about getting anywhere near the computer the first two days, I was able to shuffle my way to it on day three. That's when I found this place while researching for anything that might make me feel better. So, you might find getting to the computer is something you will really want to do.

God will strengthen you. He certainly did it for me once I laid all of this "stuff" as His feet. I feel really great now! Like you, I thanked Him for this forum. It has been a lifesaver.

I am praying for you!!!

[EnoughPercs]

I picked my clean date; I'm going to be in bed for 2 1/2 weeks then I better be back to myself (no sub. im going cold turkey from 9-10 10/325 per day)

[Baby Steps]

Congratulations Enough!! I'm so proud of you for taking the steps (Baby Steps) to ending the madness of addiction... Please join us over at the Painkiller Addiction thread when you are ready to jump so you can have a more consistant support when you need it. They are such an awesome group with so much experience to help you get through the toughest times. We would love to have you. Good Luck My Friend!

Blessings!

[nixon]

Enoughpercs - I know what you're going through. I posted about myself in the "love/hate oxys" thread, if you're interested. But what I did not add in that post was that I've been on some form of ADD related drug (mainly ritalin) since 1st grade, and am now 24. I absolutely HATE the negative side effects of the Ritalin (20mg a day) and rarely abuse it. And just like you, I found the perfect combo that mixed with some form of opiate. And feel that is when I am at the top of my game, at work, with family, friends, wherever.

I'm really just now coming to grips with my addiction, and am not entirely sure whether I'm ready to quit or not. Don't want to repeat myself entirely though. My WHOLE life story is in the oxy thread.

[EnoughPercs]

Originally Posted by Baby Steps

Congratulations Enough!! I'm so proud of you for taking the steps (Baby Steps) to ending the madness of addiction... Please join us over at the Painkiller Addiction thread when you are ready to jump so you can have a more consistant support when you need it. They are such an awesome group with so much experience to help you get through the toughest times. We would love to have you. Good Luck My Friend!

Blessings!

Babysteps; since my last post in this thread, I've unfortunately relapsed.
I think I'm gonna try the Suboxone route this time as I cannot take another 3 weeks off of work.

Why are Syd & others against it?

I'm scared I'll be doing the wrong thing; but then again, of all options, the wrong thing is the percs