[Raquel1]

I have a real need to vent; I am soooo soory for what I did AND what happened because of my addiction. Until 2003, I was a wonderful ER/Trauma/IV Team Nurse-I loved my job, I was good at it, and I could support my family of myself & 3 kids easily, with $ left over for vacations and extras. I left my abusive, gun waving lunatic husband in 2002, then my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my health deteriorated-I have had lcerative colitis since age 11, and in late 2002, I suffered the worst episode of UC I have ever had, and ended up hospitalized, with blood transfusions and the gastrointestinal doctor pushing me to agree to have a colostmy...I refused the operation, but accepted the 2mg IV DILAUDID every 1-2 hours, with pleasure! Finally discharged from the hospital, and TWO doctors each gave me a prescription for 100 Percocet. Returned to work despite still feeling weak, with bloody diarrhea sometimes 20times/day (sorry to be so graphic)Had to work to pay the mortgage/bills/support myself and kids. I was sooo depressed & still having significant intermittent abdominal pain. Then I met "Nick," a medic who worked with me in the ER and who was stealing IV narcotics in small amounts from the supply on the ambulance("the left overs" Instead of 'wasting' unused narcotics, Nick took them home and shot up. Nick asked me what I did when I had "left over IV meds, and I said "the nurses are SUPPOSED to "waste" the narc with another nurse to witness and sign the Pharmacy Narcotic Sheet, but we are usually too busy and just throw out the extra in the needle box. After all, WHO would steal IV Narcotics?(Demerol, Morphine, DILAUDID, fentanyl...)
Anyway, Nick asked me to start bringing home the "wasted IV Narcotics," and before I even knew what was happening, not only was I bringing home the left overs, I was outright STEALING and SHOOTING UP Narcotics. ESPecially DILAUDID. I fell in love with it, to the point of working extra hours/shifts/got a 2nd job as an agency nurse to have access to MORE drugs. Unlike the average lay person, working as an ER nurse put me right where "THE CANDY JAR" was. No one ever suspected me. (I at first stole the drugs and shot up when I got home, and/or shared w/Nick. Then I started to shoot up in the hospital parking lot. THEN i began to shoot up in the BATHROOM, Several times DURING MY SHIFT! I was high as a kite, but for some reason, the drugs made me euphoric and energetic, enabling me to constantly offer to help my co-wrkers-I worked night shift, and many of the other nurses would be nodding off around 5 am....but not me!I was praised for my hard work, and for picking up extra hours when it was busy, and for being so pleasant and competent that several patients wrote thank you notes to the Nurse Manager of the ER.
THEN I got caught-not once, but THREE Separate incidents, in three months. I was reported to the State Board of Nursing in Jan 2005, and now my RN License is suspended (as it should be) for THREE YEARS! I will need an attorney when I reach the three year mark, to try to convince the BON that I am clean and deserve to have another chance.
In the meantime, let me say that it has been HELL. I was advised by a therapist(aftr going to drug rehab) to STAY OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS. SO I am alone with my 3 kids... and struggling to keep our home and pay the bills. By being such an ASSHOLE, I not only lost the RN license that I worked hard to get, I lost my livlihood, 3 very close friends that I had known for 20 years,(who want nothing to do with a freaking DRUG ADDICT), came very close to losing our home through foreclosure, had to declare bankruptcy, had my ex try for custody of the youngest child, lost the respect of my family, and yes, got sick all over AGAIN with the ulcerative colitis, since it IS a stress-related illness. My Mom is dying from lung cancer(mets from her breast cancer), my hair is falling out in clumps, I have only 3 people in the world to talk to.
I sought an addiction doctor after I got out of drug rehab, and he has saved my life with Suboxone and Lexapro. The suboxone even helps with occasional abdominal pain from the ulcerative colitis, and can honestly say that I don't have any craving anymore. The Suboxone and Lexpro are helping me to get through a very difficult time. As far as jobs, surprise! As soon as any employer sees on the website that my RN license is suspended, I do not get the job, and/or the job offer is rescinded. Mind you, I am not talking about NURSING jobs, b/c of course I can no longer work as a nurse. Even a job like waitressing..th employer always wants information about my work history, and if I tell the employer that I once worked as a nurse, that person simply looks up my license and then denies me a job. Last year, I interviewed for 42 NON-Nursing jobs, and was initally offered each job, and then the job was rescinded. Finally, I have a desk job with a workman's comp company, but they do not know the truth about my license, and if they find out, I will once again be jobless!
I am so scared that my hair is falling out in great clumps. I have not worked as a nurse since December 2004. I really miss it, and... now I really miss how I made $ and supported my family.
I know there is nothing anyone can do for me, but I am starting to feel suicidal and hopeless! The only thing keeping me alive is my children, and how horrible it would be for them if i killed myself. Not a day goes by that I don't think, "what a relief it would be to die and not have to constantly think about how stupid you were and the horrible things you did b/c of your addiction.'
I really and truly need to find another job that does not require a nursing DEGREE (but may require nursing experience)I know that writing to this forum is a shot in hell, but any help at all-advice, a lawyer who specializes in nurse problems, prayers and good thoughts, a JOB
THANKS,
RACHEL1

[Baby Steps]

Rachel1... Hang in there! I know it seems hopeless right now as everything falls to pieces and you have to face the consequences but please remember you've reached bottom... it can only get better from now on. I've been through some similar situations under different circumstances and I felt hopeless and just wanted it all to end! As I look back now and see my life currently I am so very happy I chose to hang in there!

You will pull through this. You are not the only Nurse to ever have done something like this and in fact I believe once you prove you've gotten help and remain in active councelling etc... the board gives you a limited license (like a probation) back. You can also consider working in a treatment hospital where you can use your experience to help others as well as your nursing and compassion. Please look into this type of work and stay strong. You may lose some "Things" but "Things" can and will be replaced by better things. You will be ok I know it. Stop beating yourself up!

I and we are all here to listen and help if we can. We've all been there or are still there!

Take Care Sweetie!!! Stay In Touch!!

Baby Steps to Adult Mistakes....

[sydbean]

Rachel~

I am SO sorry to hear about all you have been through. I know it must be so hard to wake up and face each day. But keep doing it!!! It can and will get better.

It was not clear from your post if you are still clean? I know that it is very hard to be so depressed and stay clean.

Although you can't work at this time as a nurse I would think that if you could get your foot in the door working as support staff at some sort of rehabilitation center it may be the perfect fit for you. That is a job where they would NOT judge you by the mistake you made but rather what you have done after the mistake to get well. I would think such a job would go a long way towards getting your license reinstated also.

I think that if when you get a lawyer and petition the board to get you RN back it would be wonderful to be able to tell them that not only have you been clean for whatever amount of time but you have been actively helping others to do the same. It would also show them that you have a full understanding of addiction understand exactly what got you to where you are.

I hope that you can find some peace. You sound so very sad and you have to remember that no matter what we do to ourselves and how it makes us feel about ourselves our kids don't see it that way. To them you are comfort and happiness and love. They need you no matter what you MUST keep working on getting well so you can give them what they need....A MOTHER.

You may have been an addict, you may have been a nurse, you may have been a criminal and none of the matters because first and foremost you have been and will always be a MOTHER!!!!

Keep on keeping on!!!!!

Hugs,
Suzie

[jasminesmommy]

Hi Rachel- I too am VERY sorry for what you are going through. I am an LPN (almost an RN) who was just caught for forging scripts for percocet. I did not get turned into the board of nursing but I have to refrain from practicing and go thru rehab. So many of us should be realizing how lucky we are- I know I am. I could be right there with you- I LOVE dilaudid- and if I could have gotten my hands on it, I would have. It is THE best high ever. I can see how you fell prey to it. You will get through this- you have to for your children. I know I would not be here if it werent for my daughter either. I know you have heard this before, but things COULD be worse- that is THE only way I get through. We learn from our mistakes. We are NOT perfect and we must realize that. Taking care of others for a living sometimes makes us forget that WE might need help too- don't be afraid to get the help you need. I am and I hope to see the light soon. Hugs and prayers for you- Stay strong and you will get through this. Keep in touch with us- I know I am here to help in anyway I can.

[mpvt]

Hi Racheal:You need to start looking ahead and not back.I have been an addict for 26 years with the last 4 year on methadone.You should talk to your doctor about these feelings you're having as he might want to adjust your lexapro.I can tell you from experience that dwelling on the past is unproductive and just makes you feel terrible.There is nothing you can do about the past but you do have control over your future.Those kids look up to you and need you don't abandon them.You're on the suboxone and that's great but now you have to work on the other things that are wrong.Believe me it's not as bad as it feels and once you start to do something about it you will start to feel better.Your life is worth living and don't ever forget that.Hang in there and get to the doctor,ok......Dave

[alastery]

[quote]quote:Originally posted by Raquel1

I have a real need to vent; I am soooo soory for what I did AND what happened because of my addiction. Until 2003, I was a wonderful ER/Trauma/IV Team Nurse-I loved my job, I was good at it, and I could support my family of myself & 3 kids easily, with $ left over for vacations and extras. I left my abusive, gun waving lunatic husband in 2002, then my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my health deteriorated-I have had lcerative colitis since age 11, and in late 2002, I suffered the worst episode of UC I have ever had, and ended up hospitalized, with blood transfusions and the gastrointestinal doctor pushing me to agree to have a colostmy...I refused the operation, but accepted the 2mg IV DILAUDID every 1-2 hours, with pleasure! Finally discharged from the hospital, and TWO doctors each gave me a prescription for 100 Percocet. Returned to work despite still feeling weak, with bloody diarrhea sometimes 20times/day (sorry to be so graphic)Had to work to pay the mortgage/bills/support myself and kids. I was sooo depressed & still having significant intermittent abdominal pain. Then I met "Nick," a medic who worked with me in the ER and who was stealing IV narcotics in small amounts from the supply on the ambulance("the left overs" Instead of 'wasting' unused narcotics, Nick took them home and shot up. Nick asked me what I did when I had "left over IV meds, and I said "the nurses are SUPPOSED to "waste" the narc with another nurse to witness and sign the Pharmacy Narcotic Sheet, but we are usually too busy and just throw out the extra in the needle box. After all, WHO would steal IV Narcotics?(Demerol, Morphine, DILAUDID, fentanyl...)
Anyway, Nick asked me to start bringing home the "wasted IV Narcotics," and before I even knew what was happening, not only was I bringing home the left overs, I was outright STEALING and SHOOTING UP Narcotics. ESPecially DILAUDID. I fell in love with it, to the point of working extra hours/shifts/got a 2nd job as an agency nurse to have access to MORE drugs. Unlike the average lay person, working as an ER nurse put me right where "THE CANDY JAR" was. No one ever suspected me. (I at first stole the drugs and shot up when I got home, and/or shared w/Nick. Then I started to shoot up in the hospital parking lot. THEN i began to shoot up in the BATHROOM, Several times DURING MY SHIFT! I was high as a kite, but for some reason, the drugs made me euphoric and energetic, enabling me to constantly offer to help my co-wrkers-I worked night shift, and many of the other nurses would be nodding off around 5 am....but not me!I was praised for my hard work, and for picking up extra hours when it was busy, and for being so pleasant and competent that several patients wrote thank you notes to the Nurse Manager of the ER.
THEN I got caught-not once, but THREE Separate incidents, in three months. I was reported to the State Board of Nursing in Jan 2005, and now my RN License is suspended (as it should be) for THREE YEARS! I will need an attorney when I reach the three year mark, to try to convince the BON that I am clean and deserve to have another chance.
In the meantime, let me say that it has been HELL. I was advised by a therapist(aftr going to drug rehab) to STAY OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS. SO I am alone with my 3 kids... and struggling to keep our home and pay the bills. By being such an ASSHOLE, I not only lost the RN license that I worked hard to get, I lost my livlihood, 3 very close friends that I had known for 20 years,(who want nothing to do with a freaking DRUG ADDICT), came very close to losing our home through foreclosure, had to declare bankruptcy, had my ex try for custody of the youngest child, lost the respect of my family, and yes, got sick all over AGAIN with the ulcerative colitis, since it IS a stress-related illness. My Mom is dying from lung cancer(mets from her breast cancer), my hair is falling out in clumps, I have only 3 people in the world to talk to.
I sought an addiction doctor after I got out of drug rehab, and he has saved my life with Suboxone and Lexapro. The suboxone even helps with occasional abdominal pain from the ulcerative colitis, and can honestly say that I don't have any craving anymore. The Suboxone and Lexpro are helping me to get through a very difficult time. As far as jobs, surprise! As soon as any employer sees on the website that my RN license is suspended, I do not get the job, and/or the job offer is rescinded. Mind you, I am not talking about NURSING jobs, b/c of course I can no longer work as a nurse. Even a job like waitressing..th employer always wants information about my work history, and if I tell the employer that I once worked as a nurse, that person simply looks up my license and then denies me a job. Last year, I interviewed for 42 NON-Nursing jobs, and was initally offered each job, and then the job was rescinded. Finally, I have a desk job with a workman's comp company, but they do not know the truth about my license, and if they find out, I will once again be jobless!
I am so scared that my hair is falling out in great clumps. I have not worked as a nurse since December 2004. I really miss it, and... now I really miss how I made $ and supported my family.
I know there is nothing anyone can do for me, but I am starting to feel suicidal and hopeless! The only thing keeping me alive is my children, and how horrible it would be for them if i killed myself. Not a day goes by that I don't think, "what a relief it would be to die and not have to constantly think about how stupid you were and the horrible things you did b/c of your addiction.'
I really and truly need to find another job that does not require a nursing DEGREE (but may require nursing experience)I know that writing to this forum is a shot in hell, but any help at all-advice, a lawyer who specializes in nurse problems, prayers and good thoughts, a JOB
THANKS,
RACHEL1 wow rachel u have been so strong u can do this and u will i to have been i hell 4 free years but thing are shanging now and thy will 4 u wait and see u need to go down the stairs to get back up them u will u must the kids i have been were u are now all the best alastery....be strong all are love


alastery

[Hillbilly 1]

Rachell my heart is with you. I have been on Sub for three years you are right it works great for pain. At one point I had found a cliff to drive my truck of. I went to prayer insted. God has done it. I will pray for you right now That God will give you strenght, wisdom, A good job that is just for you, good thoughts, restor your hair & Some one to come into your life as a friend that you can talk to. That God will watch over your kids. Amen. It says in Gods word to pray expecting. It also says I will honer thos that honer me. Get into his word he will show you what to do. You can do it with his help. SAS<><

this is what works for me. A world wide meeting called The Most Excellent Way.

[addict doc]

Been there, done that... I was an anesthesiologist until my addiction (read about me in Men's Health November 06 issue--'The junkie in the OR'). During my fiver years 'off' I learned a great deal about myself... I'm now a psychiatrist, finally done with the licensing board. You can be a nurse again--I know many nurses in recovery who eventually got their careers back. But it takes time.

In the meantime, it doesn't sound like you are going to meetings. That is a problem. Boards won't even consider taking you back if you aren't doing a 12-step thing... which is a problem with subox. I now prescribe subox, and have mixed feelings about it. It is a wonder drug for physical addiction, but many 12 step groups will not accept a person on maintenance drugs like subox. Your issues--all of them-- would be addressed in a rigorous 12-step program. You would learn to deal with guilt, shame, anger, fear, loneliness, poverty...

My standard advice to a recovering healthworker is to try to get your life's work back. And that means complete sobriety. Your illness, though, changes things. IF you can survive the pain without opiates (and that may be hard to tell now, while you are tolerant to them), consider a medically-directed taper, sobriety, and NA.

[Hard6]

Raquel,

Hang in there! My prayers go out to you also. I used to work for a Paramedic provider and I have seen many IV abusing medics. I used to work in a hospital based EMS medical helicopter division and the staff had everything and anything I wanted. You are not the only one to have a problem. Addict Doc offers some great information as do the others who have posted. Doc's article from Men's Health is here: http://www.menshealth.com/cda/articl...20000012281eac

My posting signature says it all, your real friends will not desert you. My real friends are still there for me.

"A friend is someone who knows everything about you and is still your friend."

[randymft]

[quote=Raquel1;72497]I have a real need to vent; I am soooo soory for what I did AND what happened because of my addiction. Until 2003, I was a wonderful ER/Trauma/IV Team Nurse-I loved my job, I was good at it, and I could support my family of myself & 3 kids easily, with $ left over for vacations and extras. I left my abusive, gun waving lunatic husband in 2002, then my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my health deteriorated-I have had lcerative colitis since age 11, and in late 2002, I suffered the worst episode of UC I have ever had, and ended up hospitalized, with blood transfusions and the gastrointestinal doctor pushing me to agree to have a colostmy...I refused the operation, but accepted the 2mg IV DILAUDID every 1-2 hours, with pleasure! Finally discharged from the hospital, and TWO doctors each gave me a prescription for 100 Percocet. Returned to work despite still feeling weak, with bloody diarrhea sometimes 20times/day (sorry to be so graphic)Had to work to pay the mortgage/bills/support myself and kids. I was sooo depressed & still having significant intermittent abdominal pain. Then I met "Nick," a medic who worked with me in the ER and who was stealing IV narcotics in small amounts from the supply on the ambulance("the left overs" Instead of 'wasting' unused narcotics, Nick took them home and shot up. Nick asked me what I did when I had "left over IV meds, and I said "the nurses are SUPPOSED to "waste" the narc with another nurse to witness and sign the Pharmacy Narcotic Sheet, but we are usually too busy and just throw out the extra in the needle box. After all, WHO would steal IV Narcotics?(Demerol, Morphine, DILAUDID, fentanyl...)
Anyway, Nick asked me to start bringing home the "wasted IV Narcotics," and before I even knew what was happening, not only was I bringing home the left overs, I was outright STEALING and SHOOTING UP Narcotics. ESPecially DILAUDID. I fell in love with it, to the point of working extra hours/shifts/got a 2nd job as an agency nurse to have access to MORE drugs. Unlike the average lay person, working as an ER nurse put me right where "THE CANDY JAR" was. No one ever suspected me. (I at first stole the drugs and shot up when I got home, and/or shared w/Nick. Then I started to shoot up in the hospital parking lot. THEN i began to shoot up in the BATHROOM, Several times DURING MY SHIFT! I was high as a kite, but for some reason, the drugs made me euphoric and energetic, enabling me to constantly offer to help my co-wrkers-I worked night shift, and many of the other nurses would be nodding off around 5 am....but not me!I was praised for my hard work, and for picking up extra hours when it was busy, and for being so pleasant and competent that several patients wrote thank you notes to the Nurse Manager of the ER.
THEN I got caught-not once, but THREE Separate incidents, in three months. I was reported to the State Board of Nursing in Jan 2005, and now my RN License is suspended (as it should be) for THREE YEARS! I will need an attorney when I reach the three year mark, to try to convince the BON that I am clean and deserve to have another chance.
In the meantime, let me say that it has been HELL. I was advised by a therapist(aftr going to drug rehab) to STAY OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS. SO I am alone with my 3 kids... and struggling to keep our home and pay the bills. By being such an ASSHOLE, I not only lost the RN license that I worked hard to get, I lost my livlihood, 3 very close friends that I had known for 20 years,(who want nothing to do with a freaking DRUG ADDICT), came very close to losing our home through foreclosure, had to declare bankruptcy, had my ex try for custody of the youngest child, lost the respect of my family, and yes, got sick all over AGAIN with the ulcerative colitis, since it IS a stress-related illness. My Mom is dying from lung cancer(mets from her breast cancer), my hair is falling out in clumps, I have only 3 people in the world to talk to.
I sought an addiction doctor after I got out of drug rehab, and he has saved my life with Suboxone and Lexapro. The suboxone even helps with occasional abdominal pain from the ulcerative colitis, and can honestly say that I don't have any craving anymore. The Suboxone and Lexpro are helping me to get through a very difficult time. As far as jobs, surprise! As soon as any employer sees on the website that my RN license is suspended, I do not get the job, and/or the job offer is rescinded. Mind you, I am not talking about NURSING jobs, b/c of course I can no longer work as a nurse. Even a job like waitressing..th employer always wants information about my work history, and if I tell the employer that I once worked as a nurse, that person simply looks up my license and then denies me a job. Last year, I interviewed for 42 NON-Nursing jobs, and was initally offered each job, and then the job was rescinded. Finally, I have a desk job with a workman's comp company, but they do not know the truth about my license, and if they find out, I will once again be jobless!
I am so scared that my hair is falling out in great clumps. I have not worked as a nurse since December 2004. I really miss it, and... now I really miss how I made $ and supported my family.
I know there is nothing anyone can do for me, but I am starting to feel suicidal and hopeless! The only thing keeping me alive is my children, and how horrible it would be for them if i killed myself. Not a day goes by that I don't think, "what a relief it would be to die and not have to constantly think about how stupid you were and the horrible things you did b/c of your addiction.'
I really and truly need to find another job that does not require a nursing DEGREE (but may require nursing experience)I know that writing to this forum is a shot in hell, but any help at all-advice, a lawyer who specializes in nurse problems, prayers and good thoughts, a JOB
THANKS,
RACHEL1

I hope I am using this site properly. I want to share with you the fact that I key-searched the phrase "lost my nursing license" and got your blog. I am yet to get a shingle, but am close. I got busted for lotsa stuff I found, so I sort of share your dilemna. Hang in there!

[wbsjenn]

Rachel - I read your story and can feel your pain. You did a dumb thing and you are suffering the consequences. I know. I was in a "situation" with the nursing board some 20+ years ago and can tell you that things do get better if you will just get through your three years and then start to build your career again. Yes, it is a stigma that you will feel for a long time but the time will pass and you will rise to the top again if you let yourself. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication but if you have the will-power, you can do it. After finding myself at the bottom those many years ago I am currently in a nursing management position and the only thing I can guarantee in my life is that I will never be in that "bottom" situation again. Once you get your license back (it will probably be on a probationary basis at first) you will protect it with all you have. Try to turn this unfortunate situation into a learning experience and find some good in it. After all, if you had not been caught you could easily have overdosed and died - where would your children be then? Let it help you to be much more understanding of others' problems and use it as a reminder of how quickly we can lose what we worked so hard to achieve. Do whatever you can to help your financial position and then get off the pity pot. Sorry to sound so hard, but that is what it takes.

[hensleyhill]

You know I hate to be the bad guy here but, you need to remember your kids. You said you didn't have anyone to talk to well, all they have is you. They are depending on you.Everyday they look up to you and think your the greatest. Just like you depended on those drugs to get you through the day. You need to apologize to your kids for failing them. I am sure the will be more forgiving that the state board.

I hate to sound mean but, this is a serious matter.

[Duchess044]

Ok, take my advice with a grain os salt. I am sitting here typing this on a computer that is a little older than the captain.

My point being. If she can handle a rocky relationship wiith a wife and 3 kids. Now, tryin to do it all alone. That's what scary. Maybe I can help in some small way.

Well, I have a bit of an addiction also. My pain doc put me on Avinza to start with weeding its way into my system. When I complained that I was still hurting, he changed it over to Kadian. Kadian is great. I have been on that for about a year and love it. The one narcotic pain killer works good, but it need adjusting every once in awhile.

So fast forward to about 6months from now. Doin good.going to my appts. and giving all the right answers. Then we started talking about my leg and foot. (I have foot drop) and wants to know fi there is anything strange with it. Like is is waking up now or anything. Yes, it was...it was feeling like someone had hit my funny bone but in lmy foot! And it was on fire! So I got something for that also. Seemed to calm down the nerve pretty well,.

Now about 5 months later. The whole thing comes crashing down on me. None of the meds are working. I am in excruciating pain. We do the ESI's ...revisit in a month. No change.,..still in agony. So then he tried a few more things. Changing the does on some of my medicine. Upped the dose of Kadian to 60mg 2x daily and the neurontin 600mg 3xday and ambien. Not the CR stuff but the real old fashiled "ambien:, I have been sleeping pretty good except that now I have halluciantions. I see people standing in my house. I know they area nout there they talk to me and tell me how to do things. Like typing a letter. They will tell me to spell sonething a certain way or word something differently. They usually make me mad and I tell them to go away. But tonite they are behaving themselves. Ohhh that is not always the case., Last night I went to my husband. We were quite involved when all of a sudded there are 3 old ladies standing at the foot of the bed shaking their heads at me. Critiqueing everything I did...my husband laughed his butt off because he thought I was looney toones.l

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is this, stay close to your family, be with the ones you love. They will be your saving grace through all of this. Maybe you can start small.. . working in community shelters and volunteer work. It would keep you busy and would look good to the judge when you go to get your license back. But the first thing is to get sober. Get sober and clean. And stay that way. Like I said..small steps. You have to earn their trust back. And you will. I have faith in you.

Ok enought of my ramblings. I am starting to feel the Ambien roll up on me and cloud my mind and take me to dream land...hehe! They're coming to take me away!! HEheh. Man, does anyone else have this happen to them? You will be sitting in front of the comuter or TV. and some people will come bahind you and try to tell you how to do things, or they will jump into the water to ruin you fishing trip. That's when you realize you are already asleep and dreaming. And should be in bed...LOL.

Good night, kiddies. I hope I helped someone out there...Send me a smile or maybe blow me a kiss sometime!
'
Hugs,
Duchess044

[mpvt]

Hi Duchess, you need to cut your ambien dose as your oding on it. When you mix Ambien with Morphine you can have some really wild side effects as you've stated.The one side effect that you will never know of is they both slow your respitory system.So as you sleep you breathing can become very shallow and some people stop breathing and die.There is absolutely nothing you can do about it once you fall asleep.So hallucinating and all that may seem funny and all part of your day but take it as a warning that you are overmedicated and in very real danger.Thousands of people die every year in there sleep because of opiate and benzodiazepine mixture or opiates and alcohol ect. So be very careful and go to your doctor and tell him\her whats going on before you too don't wake up.Good luck.......Dave

[Duchess044]

Originally Posted by mpvt

Hi Duchess, you need to cut your ambien dose as your oding on it. When you mix Ambien with Morphine you can have some really wild side effects as you've stated.The one side effect that you will never know of is they both slow your respitory system.So as you sleep you breathing can become very shallow and some people stop breathing and die.There is absolutely nothing you can do about it once you fall asleep.So hallucinating and all that may seem funny and all part of your day but take it as a warning that you are overmedicated and in very real danger.Thousands of people die every year in there sleep because of opiate and benzodiazepine mixture or opiates and alcohol ect. So be very careful and go to your doctor and tell him\her whats going on before you too don't wake up.Good luck.......Dave

Thanks. I was thinking that too. I was on Ambien CR 12.5 and they weren't helping at all. So my PM doc changed it to plain ole ambien. I figured if I could at least get to sleep with this pain, I could stay asleep.

I was having the same issues (hallucinating, etc) with the CR that I have now with the reg. ambien. Just not as bad/vivid. Its almost like going on an acid trip. Ive never done it myself, but fromw what I see on the movies, etc...talking out of your head, seeing things, etc.

On a side note, I am only taking medicine prescribed for me specifically by my pain management doctor. (a licensed anesthesiologist/pain management specialist) and take it exactly as prescribed. I am in constant contact with him at any time I can call and speak with him. So I am not abusing or not taking as prescribed. Just thought I should throw that in...

I don't even remember having sex with my husband the other night. I haven't taken it since, but I haven't slept more than 2 hours, either. Something's gotta give... Im miserable.

Apologies to the OP for hijacking her thread. I will go back to my hidey hole now. I honestly hope you get better soon and everything works out for you.

[sta_orgo]

Here is the thing, you are human so STOP beating yourself up at this point. Damage is done. I will tell you what my mother has always said and truly works......what they don't know won't hurt them. DO NOT tell employers that you were a nurse. Period. Say that you were a stay at home mom for a few years, or worked under the table for a friend. Most employers say they are doing background checks and calling references, but many do not. Your rehab stay is inaccesible and protected. If that information is leaked it is illegal. Use someone you trust to be your reference and say that they employed you under the table or as a 1099 worker. Most restaurants will not check your background. I would go with the stay at home mom thing. This way they won't think to look into your employemnt background if you tell them you do not have one. You will make things work. It sounds like you have only up to go. Don't even think again of leaving your kids. Find your inner strength, it is there I promise.

[nurseAlissa]

damn I really can relate to this story, as a Nurse myself, having a problem with narcotics and working where they are is like dangling a rabbit infront of a carrot and after a 6 day detox i STILL wanna go back to work on wedneday and shoot up the dilaudid and pop the percs and narcs, its been outta my system since last sunday, but so fresh in my mind, i know one day i will get caught i almost left a med c up filled with goodies in the med cart and had to drive all the way back to work , say i left my wallet in the medroom and get it. I dont wanna loose my license, i wish i could have the strength to quit, i know theres a difference between wanting to quit and knowing u have too, i was searching around all over for percs today and i just got outta detox at 930am, i think" why the hell did i waste 6 days of my life tryin to get it outta me only to wanna put it back in when i get out,,,im gonna try to get to a NA meeting asap tomorrow, and hope i can find the strength,,,,one day at a time.
"1 is too many, a thousand is never enough!"

[tonester]

NurseAlissa, I hope you haven't found any yet. Wasn't detox hell? You have a great job and someday you will get caught or worse (I think we both know what that could mean). You have the strength. One day at a time...