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my hydro addiction hell
  1. #1
    tryintostop is offline New Member
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    Default my hydro addiction hell

    i am a 36yr old mother and have been taking hydro for the past 3 yrs off and on for variouse medical reasons, with no apparent physical addiction problem, although i liked taking them, i could and did stop anytime. since april i have been taking hyrocodone 5/500 &/or 7.5/500 everyday up to 9 pills a day for pain from first, 2nd degree grease burns to my hands,then three weeks later i broke 2 bones in my foot. i just found out the bones are still broken which is why i still have pain a swelling which i will be receiving a bone stimulator but the doc says will take at least another month. my husband is furious that the doc keeps prescribing the pills but i keep getting them hoping to bring myself down, but with the pain and the withdrawl suffering i cave. i want desperately to stop taking these pills. i don't sleep at night worrying about my health, i want to see a doctor to get liver function tests and simply to get help. i have tried to stop on my own and when the suffering gets so so so bad i cave. although i have legitimate pain, i know i am addicted because i suffer withdrawl now when i try to stop. even though i feel like it, i know i am not alone and hoped someone out there could give me some advice as to how to seek help without risking losing my son. i feel like a bad and unfit parent and i simply don't want to feel this way anymore. my husband knows my problem but doesn't know how to help me, he keeps my pills for me but he also caves when i beg for them when i am shaking and going thru hell. i pray every day for courage and guidance and for all of those suffering like me. i hope someone can help me with any advice. i am desperate and worry that i am fighting for my life and hope i haven't done irreversible damage to my health.

  2. #2
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi Tryingtostop: If your taking these pills because your in legit pain then you don't have alot to worry about.Once the pain is gone you should be able to stop taking the hydro's without much or any problems.If your taking them and deep down you know your taking them for the wrong reasons then you will need to detox slowly or go cold turkey.The fact that your concerned about it the way you are says to me that you are probably abusing them and will need a medical detox.You should voice your concerns to your doctor.......Dave

  3. #3
    saga is offline New Member
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    i am in the same hell.. i want off so bad but the withdrawls are killer...i hope and pray you will be ok i understand your hell, i just recently failed a inpatient rehab.. i am now going to try the suboxone route... i will keep you posted ... if your going thru withdrawls and feel you are a unfit parent, likr i feel i am a unfit father due to my vicodin use, you need HELP!! GO GET IT

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    Shaneleo is offline Junior Member
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    Try Suboxone, it has been working great for me. The move to Suboxone has been the best thing that I have ever done. It wasn,t a painless one but If I had the chance knowing what I know now I would do it a hundred times over. Thats the only thing that sucks is you have to be in withdrawal to start Suboxone or it will force you into rapid W/D and you will get very six. To give you an idea I was taking about 80mg of methadone per day before I left my doctor. I got myself down to 40mg per day then ran out of pills. About a day and a half later I started withdrawaling from the methadone. (It takes quite awhile to start withdrawaling from methadone becasue it builds up in your system) I went to the hospital that night because i couldn't take the withdrawals anymore. They gave me a shot of Dilatan to stop the withdrawals and gave me 15 10-325 perks until I can see a doctor. I could take three of them at once and not even feel anything, it would just stop the withdrawals for about 2 hours. I made them last two days some how. I took the last one two at 6:00am on 08-09-05 and I took my Suboxone (2-8mg pills under the tounge) at 1:30pm the same day. About thirty min later I actually started feeling worse and worse after about 45min I thought I might have taken it two early. (which when you do that it forces your body into withdrawal) I went to sit down on the couch to get on the web to see if I took it to early and this is not a joke, I was standing their and went to sit down, the second I hit the couch everything was gone. All the withdrawal symptoms, bad sweats, tremors, yawning, cramps, cold sweats, hot sweats, goose bumps and a whole other slue of >>>> was gone. My second day and I am feeling the best I have felt in years. No withdrawal symptoms, depression or cravings. The first night it did nothing for my pain but woke up the second day and the pain feels a lot better. This stuff was sent here from GOD himself. (If you believe in that) other wise its just a really really super thing. I really think you should give Suboxone a shot. Most insurances will pay most of the cost otherwise the medication is kind of expensive. About 325 for 60 8mg pills. I only have to pay 40 bucks for them. Good luck to you and please sent me an email if you or anyone else has any questions. Shane.Gangidino@comcast.net THIS SITE IS A HUGE SUPPORT SYSTEM AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    shane

  5. #5
    cajintx is offline New Member
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    Sometimes I wonder if the pain we think we are experiencing during detox is really pain, or a result of the withdrawal. I have heard that withdrawal causes severe joint pain, and I have experienced some of it. I am on day 3 of no hydrocodone and starting to feel better. Of course, I am taking a minimal amount of xanax to ease the anxiety, 1200mg of advil to relieve joint pain, multi vitamins and immodium. I am going to get some other things I've seen suggested such as vitamin c, b-6, potassium and l-tyrosine today, to see if this will help any more. I feel much better today than I have in the past 2 days. I was taking about the same dosage as tryintostop. The only reason I went cold turkey was that I ran out and couldnt get any. Tryintostop - you say that you have been on them with not apparent physical addition problem. I think you are wrong. If you are shaking, etc. when you don't have them, you are addicted. I'm no expert - and believe me- I feel your pain - but if you can, try to cut back one or two pills a little at a time. Then go cold turkey when you are not taking as much. Of course, you still need help for your pain. A friend of mine switched to Ultram and it has really worked for her. She went through withdrawals at first, but now, really swears that it helps. I have read in other posts that it is also addicting, but you don't get a high from it like hydro, so I don't think it is as bad.

    Good luck to you - it can be done. I'm on day 3 and feeling better!

    cajintx

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    tryintostop is offline New Member
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    wow - i truly didn't think i would get any responses to my post and i am feeling stronger that i am not alone. i have actually cut down on my hydros and it isn't as hard this time but i feel more determined. i am scared though because i have now taken my last hydro and the real pain will once again set it as it did the last time i tried to quit cold turkey. my bone doc has called in another script and i haven't picked it up although i can't guarantee i won't, but i am really trying. i am interested in the Suboxone, how do i go about getting it. going to my family doc is not really an option because he just treats me like a loser and probably won't help me. i thought about just talking to my bone doctor and telling him i need off this hydro gradually but i don't know if he will help me either. I also thought of going to a pain clinic, because i do still have a lot of pain, my foot is about the size of a small melon, i am still waiting on the bone stimulator. my husband went to a pain clinic for ruptured discs in his back and the doc there helped him come down off narcotics before changing his course of treatment. i have done so much research on getting off this stuff and withdrawl, it is true that people coming down from narcotic addiction have a higher level of pain in general. good for you cajintx on 3 days, i am glad my prayers have worked for someone. Also i meant i had no apparent addiction in the past, i know i have addiction now and i am scared as hell, what have i gotten myself into. a long time ago i smoked pot and just quit cold turkey when i got pregnant and throughout my whole pregnancy all i could think of was that i was going to get high again after i had the baby and when that time came, i was no longer interested and have never touched the stuff since, so why can't i do this?!!! UGHH - I am so mad at myself

  7. #7
    Shaneleo is offline Junior Member
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    Don't be mad at yourslef because it is not your fault. It is really easy to become addicted to this stuff. Their is difference between addiction and dependancy. Because you have legit pain and you are taking them for that reason you have become dependant on this medication. Anyways you have to go to a specail doctor if you are interested in the Suboxone because a family doctor is not able to prescribe it. If you go to www.suboxone.com you should be able to find a doctor in your area that can prescribe it to you. The Suboxone is working pretty good for my pain so far. I do have some break through pain sometimes but I am able to deal with it. If you have any questions please send me an email. Thanks

    shane

  8. #8
    cajintx is offline New Member
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    Just wanted to give you an update. I'm on day 5 now, and feeling great. I've been taking all the vitamins that I mentioned before, and a little xanax for anxiety once or twice a day. But I am totally over the worst. Truly, the first two days were hell, and the third was work, but the 4th day I felt fine, and also today. I was taking anywhere from 50 - 70 mg. of hydro a day, for close to a year. I have read on other forums that once you get to day 5 - the worst is over, and I totally agree. I feel normal again. So if you can just hang on - and be sure and take the vitamin supplements - I really think they help, you will do fine. Good luck.
    CAJINTX (Day 5 and holding!)

    cajintx

  9. #9
    tryintostop is offline New Member
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    okay so monday night i decided to just go cold turkey, i mean i am completely consumed with this whole quitting thing, so i flushed all of my pills down the toilet. then on tuesday i was okay until about 11am then i couldn't even get off the couch, with pain from my foot swollen again like a melon and with withdrawl symptoms, my 5yr old just played by himself knowing i wasn't feeling good, by 1pm, i had called my bone doc for a refill and he was in surgery all day, so i called my family doc, he was double booked, so i then called my dentist, how manipulating and desperate is that, and guess what, she was out of the office but called me from home, and just phoned in a script for me. i went and got it by 3pm and by 5 i was feeling great cleaned my whole house, visited neighbors, played with my son, fixed dinner, mowed the yard, everything. then came tuesday night, i couldn't sleep from having extreme panic attacks, from the guilt of what i had done, i didn't get to sleep until about 4:30am and then was back up at 5:30am with my husband for work. so today i get a call from my bone doc, they filled my script and i talked to them about stopping the hydro and doing something else for pain, they agreed that i am taking too much, said they will help me taper off. so tonight i told my husband everything i had done. he is at his wits end with me, he doesn't know what to do, i gave him my pills AGAIN to try and help me, my son starts kindergarten on Monday and i will be all alone with my demons and my husband is afraid for me because he knows if i am desperate enough all i have to do is make a phone call and get my hydro, i keep telling myself i am strong enough to do this and tomorrow i will do better but tomorrow comes and i dont't feel that i have done any better. my husband says he knows i really want to stop this because i have completely come clean with him and i am being honest about all the pills i have and thats a huge step. seems like for every step forward i take three steps back. anyway, just had to confess, even if no one reads this, it does feel good to get it all out. so now my husband has all of my pills, he will leave me 2 pills to get me thru all day tomorrow and takes the rest with him, hell i don't even know why i like taking them, they don't help my pain at all, they make me feel like hell, and i'm sleeping 1 or 2 hours a night because of the stress of it all. please pray for me, anyone.

  10. #10
    lordy is offline Member
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    Oh-- a heartbreaking post. How are you?
    Never stop cold turkey. Tapering is good. It sounds like you have a lot of pain; can you switch to a medication that's a little less bad ass?
    Remember, opiates effect your brain, i.e. your thinking; I saw a great video called "The addicted Brain"-- a PBS thing I found at the library. It's really good, really moving, and makes the point that once you've used opiates long-term, they literally, physiologically, change your chemistry-- so of course withdrawal can make you/me feel like, "I'll never be happy again. I can't do this." But of course, absolutely, you can. It's your brain-- your addicted brain-- TELLING YOU that you can't. I don't know why this thinking helped me so much, but it did.
    And I know exactly what you mean by being a stay-at-home-mom with her demons. The guilt is appalling. The humiliation, the terror, just all of it.
    But you need your self-respect back! You need to feel empowered, yes? For what it's worth, Zoloft helped me a lot. And exercise (swimming?) to get the endorphins going.
    You're in a good place if you're realizing that the stuff doesn't even make you feel good anymore. That seems key, to me...
    How are you?
    L

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    tryintostop is offline New Member
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    thanks for the post - actually my husband has been helping me taper off for the last week very slowly and I've had some good days and some bad days but I am taking it one day at a time telling myself I am going to do this no matter how long it takes and I only focus on one day at a time. I am feeling stronger a little at a time. My husband is my rock and my inspiration, I couldn't do this without him. I will be sure to post my celebration day when I am free of this poison.

  12. #12
    seenitall is offline New Member
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    quote:Originally posted by tryintostop

    okay so monday night i decided to just go cold turkey, i mean i am completely consumed with this whole quitting thing, so i flushed all of my pills down the toilet. then on tuesday i was okay until about 11am then i couldn't even get off the couch, with pain from my foot swollen again like a melon and with withdrawl symptoms, my 5yr old just played by himself knowing i wasn't feeling good, by 1pm, i had called my bone doc for a refill and he was in surgery all day, so i called my family doc, he was double booked, so i then called my dentist, how manipulating and desperate is that, and guess what, she was out of the office but called me from home, and just phoned in a script for me. i went and got it by 3pm and by 5 i was feeling great cleaned my whole house, visited neighbors, played with my son, fixed dinner, mowed the yard, everything. then came tuesday night, i couldn't sleep from having extreme panic attacks, from the guilt of what i had done, i didn't get to sleep until about 4:30am and then was back up at 5:30am with my husband for work. so today i get a call from my bone doc, they filled my script and i talked to them about stopping the hydro and doing something else for pain, they agreed that i am taking too much, said they will help me taper off. so tonight i told my husband everything i had done. he is at his wits end with me, he doesn't know what to do, i gave him my pills AGAIN to try and help me, my son starts kindergarten on Monday and i will be all alone with my demons and my husband is afraid for me because he knows if i am desperate enough all i have to do is make a phone call and get my hydro, i keep telling myself i am strong enough to do this and tomorrow i will do better but tomorrow comes and i dont't feel that i have done any better. my husband says he knows i really want to stop this because i have completely come clean with him and i am being honest about all the pills i have and thats a huge step. seems like for every step forward i take three steps back. anyway, just had to confess, even if no one reads this, it does feel good to get it all out. so now my husband has all of my pills, he will leave me 2 pills to get me thru all day tomorrow and takes the rest with him, hell i don't even know why i like taking them, they don't help my pain at all, they make me feel like hell, and i'm sleeping 1 or 2 hours a night because of the stress of it all. please pray for me, anyone.

  13. #13
    tryintostop is offline New Member
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    well today is labor day and i am happy to say that i have made it through some really tough days, my husband has helped me taper down to 4 pills a day, going down to 3 starting tomorrow, it has been up and down, i have gone to my family doc and confessed everything, they are running lots of tests to check liver functions, renal function, etc. i have had horrible upper right abdominal pain for days now and it is getting worse, doc says if labs come back okay then it is probably my gallbladder. have been scared about the tests hoping i haven't caused permanent or severe damage to my body, but whatever happens i will take it one day at a time just as i was advised by several people and it has been priceless advice. i also looked up the addicted brain on the net and read about it, wow, it really opened my eyes. withdrawl has been minimal and doc says we are doing the right thing tapering slowly after such prolonged use. bone doc has gotten my bone stimulator and i will be getting it started this week, my foot should be on the mend very soon. things are looking up i hope they stay that way. thanks everyone for listening and responding

  14. #14
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Hang in there you 2.Your doing great and pretty soon your going to feel normal again.Keep pluggin away,everyone is proud for the 2 of you.....Dave

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    bluebugs is offline New Member
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    gosh, it seems as though we are living parallel lives. though my husband and i are both addicts (what lucky children we have huh?) I know the extra guilt we as mothers bestow upon ourselves when we mess up. that right there is enough to keep you up at night let alone the pain. the only thing that I can tell you is to sleep as much as possilbe and hang in there. as silly as it sounds, that is all you can do. I am taking it hour by hour literally. when i look at the clock I say "okay,I made it through another hour, and just 10 more hours before I can go to bed". that seems to make the day a little more bearable for me. you will make it through this, god will make sure. also, ask for help with the little >>>> too. cleaning,cooking,etc. that is one thing that i don't have, and that is the one thing i want most. hope this helps

  16. #16
    ginafl2 is offline Member
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    I am just like you guys. For two years I have been taking norco's 10/325 10 a day. I am on day 14 of a taper and down to 2 1/2 pills a day. I feel great. It has been hard at times but getting help was the best thing I ever did. My fiance gives me the pills and every time I lower my dose we celebrate. It is working great. If anyone wants to know the details just hollor at me.

  17. #17
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Good for you Gina.Give yourself a pat on the back because it's not easy to quit opiates.Keep us up to date if you can.Take it one day at a time.....Dave

  18. #18
    ginafl2 is offline Member
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    Well, I'm not giving up. I missed 2 1/2 yesterday. I had to take three. I have a raging headache from not sleeping good but I'm staying positive. Tomorrow I can sleep in so I'm gonna try 2 1/2 tomorrow. It seams like when I know I have to wake up early it is hard for me to go to sleep. My fiance falls asleep in five minutes and I am so jealous over that. He is soooo supportive.
    I do feel good about myself going from 10 to 3. I haven't been at 3 a day in over a year. I see the doctor on tuesday so I'm gonna ask for a little bit of valium. I have taken that before and it seems to help. I'm only gonna ask for a couple though, and give them to my fiance so I don't get more than I would need.
    I'm taking 600 ibuprofin for the headache and it does not work very well. I'll just stick it out.
    I will win this war/

    G

  19. #19
    ginafl2 is offline Member
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    Things are going so well. Anyone who thinks they can't taper, they are wrong. I slept 10 and 1/2 hours last night with no withdrawls. I made it 12 hours in between pills. I'm easily going to hit 2 1/2 today. I'm just a little tired with a slight headache. Other than that no withdrawls.

    G

  20. #20
    polka865 is offline New Member
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    quote:Originally posted by tryintostop

    okay so monday night i decided to just go cold turkey, i mean i am completely consumed with this whole quitting thing, so i flushed all of my pills down the toilet. then on tuesday i was okay until about 11am then i couldn't even get off the couch, with pain from my foot swollen again like a melon and with withdrawl symptoms, my 5yr old just played by himself knowing i wasn't feeling good, by 1pm, i had called my bone doc for a refill and he was in surgery all day, so i called my family doc, he was double booked, so i then called my dentist, how manipulating and desperate is that, and guess what, she was out of the office but called me from home, and just phoned in a script for me. i went and got it by 3pm and by 5 i was feeling great cleaned my whole house, visited neighbors, played with my son, fixed dinner, mowed the yard, everything. then came tuesday night, i couldn't sleep from having extreme panic attacks, from the guilt of what i had done, i didn't get to sleep until about 4:30am and then was back up at 5:30am with my husband for work. so today i get a call from my bone doc, they filled my script and i talked to them about stopping the hydro and doing something else for pain, they agreed that i am taking too much, said they will help me taper off. so tonight i told my husband everything i had done. he is at his wits end with me, he doesn't know what to do, i gave him my pills AGAIN to try and help me, my son starts kindergarten on Monday and i will be all alone with my demons and my husband is afraid for me because he knows if i am desperate enough all i have to do is make a phone call and get my hydro, i keep telling myself i am strong enough to do this and tomorrow i will do better but tomorrow comes and i dont't feel that i have done any better. my husband says he knows i really want to stop this because i have completely come clean with him and i am being honest about all the pills i have and thats a huge step. seems like for every step forward i take three steps back. anyway, just had to confess, even if no one reads this, it does feel good to get it all out. so now my husband has all of my pills, he will leave me 2 pills to get me thru all day tomorrow and takes the rest with him, hell i don't even know why i like taking them, they don't help my pain at all, they make me feel like hell, and i'm sleeping 1 or 2 hours a night because of the stress of it all. please pray for me, anyone.
    Bless your heart...YOU ARE NOT ALONE...I can relate so much to your story. I am totally honest with my boyfriend of six years and i don't lie to him. Well he gets mad at me and i want him to understand so bad....its so scary...but geuss what I haven't had a hydro in four days...and believe me if I can do that ANYONE can. i was taking them for almost 3 years and got up to 10 a day. Not a good thing. after a while i was just surviving and no energy as you described did i get. I use to when i started taking them. its a downward sloap.. YOu are not a bad mom. Take care and you are in my prayers...dot

  21. #21
    tryintostop is offline New Member
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    got the test results from my doc and everything came back normal. got the bone stim and started using it, and it has f***d me up, my foot is more swollen and painful than ever. i am proud to say that i am working thru the pain and hadn't upped my hydro's. this weekend i was on a hay ride up in the country and the trailer flipped over landing on top of me, i was hurt real bad, taken to the town hospital by ambulance and strapped to a back board for 7 hours to check for broken neck and spinal injuries, man i haven't felt pain like that since i gave birth. nothing was broken thank god and i have been slowly getting around, i am hurting bad, so i have been taking about 4 hydro's a day. i have found that any more than that and i feel horrible sick, not the euphoria i used to feel, maybe this is a good sign and will keep me from going back. hope everyone is doing good, keep the faith and hang in there

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