[perkyhusband]

hi, my husband has been addicted to pain pills since 2000 that i know of.he would be moody, we would argue alot, i notice he would sweat, he wouldn't really eat.and our sex life sucks. he has done pecocets 5,7.5,10 mg,somas,vicodins,loracets,valium ect... i would find them in my basement ceiling, in his sneakers, in our closets in his jacket pockets. he would lie over the smallest things. have mood swings also he was buying them off the street, going to doctors offfices e.t.c... i've beg him to get off of them we have 3 small children together he is now disabled . he fell26 feet and had reconstructive surgery 8 times already and is about to have his 9th all his surgeries were on his right arm, wrist and shoulder. now the only thing is that he gets his meds legally he was taking percocets. as of last week they gave him oxycodone 15mg. he takes 5 to 6 a day the doctor even gave him vicodin for break through painbut he's not takiing them.. i don't know what to do. i know he is in pain and i'm not saying he isn't but sometimes i think he uses it as an excuse. how can i tell. and now i'm scared because a friend of mine said the oxycodone 15mg is oxycotin. just to let ya's know i've never did drugs in my life .i'm totally against it and i don't know how i'm living with him . he is addicted but he's not sloppy about it. if you know what i mean. but my children hear me argue with him about. it's destroying our married but he keeps saying i'm in alot of pain. please give me advice.

[LAVam]

I am with you about finding the pills hidden somewhere, I find myself searching the house, the cupboards, all his clothes with pockets in the closet (that's where I found an Oxy 3 weeks ago), and anywhere else. I don't know how I am living with someone taking pills and he's not in pain either, because I have never used drugs either and am against it, and I am in shock still because I never pictured me having to worry about drugs in my life. We have 2 small children as well, and that's what scares me too. The kids hear us talking/yelling about it, and even though they don't know what is really going on, it's still the disruption in the household that doesn't need to be. My husband is not sloppy either, sometimes he's a little forgetful and I find the parmesan cheese in the coffee mug cupboard instead of the fridge..lol..but it's just the fact that knowing he's doing that to himself makes me sick and I feel like is he not happy with me? Did I do something wrong? I feel for you because your husband IS in pain, but I would think he would be taking all his meds as prescribed by the Dr. I can't say he's using the pain as an excuse or not, but just letting you know, my husband will mention "Oh my back hurts bad today" and then weeks go by where he doesn't say anything about pain anymore, so I think he's throwing that comment out every so often to me to "justify" what he's doing, even though he has NEVER admitted it nor denied it. I have tried attacking him about it and threaten him, but that doesn't do me any good. No matter how much I am going to tell him to stop or why do you do it or anything for that matter regarding the pills, will not get me anywhere, HE needs to be the one to admit it and be honest with me. He lies all the time about it. Sorry to make a long story, but what I am trying to say is that I'm in the same boat with you, and it's very aggravating and I am sorry this is happening and I wish you the best.

[hbco2]

I sympathize with you on your problems with your husband. I know you said you never used drugs in your life.

I have a BS and have taken classes in medical school too... Plus I did research on chronic pain at another medical school. Knowing something and going thru it are two different things. I never would have guessed it would be this painful.

It is scary when you have pain all the time, and the only things that help you are addictive. So you face a decision quit and live in pain, or be an addict. You have to lay it out for him. He knows it is bad, (that is why he hides them) he feels guilty, ashamed, etc... he knows he shouldn't take so much. But it makes the pain go away. Don't we all deserve freedom from pain?

That is why quitting is hard for many people. They already have pain- that is why they have scrips for the darn meds anyhow, right?

Unfortunately dependence and addiction occurs with narcotic pain killers EVEN IF THE PT USES THEM AS Rx'ed! Trust me, I took the pills as scribed and it still happened to me.

I started taking rx pain killers for pain, surgery and all that... then when the pain subsided I took tylenol instead of vicodin... only to suffer withdrawal!

See if you can try to get him to slowly taper the dose so he can quit. If he doesn't have enough self control to make himself slow down, you need to do it for him or ask him to go into rehabilitation.

When I found out I was having a problem quitting pain meds (increase in the pain I was taking it for, plus withdrawal symptoms), I immediately decided to taper my dose and get off these nasty things.

I won't lie to you, it is hard. Making it thru each day is a hurdle... I have to think in terms of hours. The pain is excruciating, I am taking so much tylenol and nsaids... and still the pain gnaws at me. Icy hot, heating pads, I use it all.

Before pain pills I couldn't get off my damn heating pad... and now that I have drastically decreased my dose I am right back on the heating pad.

Maybe he can try heat for his injury. Heat can interfere with signals going to nociceptors (pain receptors)

A little neuroscience... Substance P is involved in the transmission of pain impulses. Peripheral nerve damage increases substance P. When you take an opiate...it causes endorphin/enkephalin release... which down regulates substance p production resulting in perception of less pain. Thus when the drugs are taken away your body's own ability to produce it's natural pain killers (endorphins) is diminished... as a result your husband probably feels just as much pain (or maybe more) when he tries to quit the drugs as when he first started.

Part of quitting is accepting the pain. At least for me. That is hard. Put your hand on a hot stove top... you won't will you? Of course not because it causes pain.

Living creatures have an innate pain avoidance response. By removing the pain meds from your husband all at once... it is like putting his hand on the hot stove top. It hurts like heck.

If someone threatens to hurt you, you are afraid... right? Same thing your husband will go thru when he quits. Empathy will get you farther than scolding...

I know it is hard to understand if you haven't had to go thru it. I never would have imagined it could be this bad. Worse yet, you really shouldn't have to be the strong one since it is not your fault. But he needs someone to stand by him and LOVINGLY FORCE him to quit.

He is lucky to have you. I know you don't understand where he is coming from. Try to remember he didn't choose to fall 20somethng feet and get hurt and have to take pills either... and I guarantee he didn't choose to get hooked on the same pills that gave him relief from pain.

Best thing you could prolly do is tell him that you know he is going thru a rough time and you are there for him.

Lots of people in the forum are saying suboxone or methadone are good to get you off. Remember they, too, are narcotics. In reality all he would be doing is trading one addiction for another. It helps some people. Some people it doesn't help. Try to wean him down... like if he normally takes 12 pills a day have him take only 11 this week... then 10 next week. It will still be rough, but not as bad.

[melissa39]

first off let me say that i feel very sorry for the drug free people on here . i know exactly how you feel. we should be enjoying our lives and family instead of spending it online looking for someone that may shed a ray of light on how to cope with this situation. i have had my complete fill of lorcets and vicodens and oxy********************tin etc. in my lifetime. my husband of 20 years make that 20 LONG years .. is a lying sneaking sweaty little pill popper. i would like to tell you he became addicted when he ruptured his" L5 DISC" to hear him tell it .. "from lifting something heavy" .. but to hear me tell it ( which is the real reason ) its from taking so many pills for so many years that he basically pasted up his colon so full of tylonol codiene 3 and percocets and lorcets that if the truth be known ..he probably did it straining his guts out to take a ******************** one night. i have alot of resentment towards this man . i have three children all teenagers now who have basically grew up watching the "what is this?" and "thats not mine?" show. i have found enough pills in my lifetime to open my own pharmacy.. ive found pills in the floor .. ..under the bed.. behind the nightstand .. in a drawer .. in a console of a truck .. in the drink holder.. in the laundry room .. in pockets .. in shoes . in SOCKS .. taped under dresser drawers .. underneath carpet and padding in closet corners .. shaving bags .. tool boxes... trust me .. i should get a job hunting down narcotics . i would be RICH .. let me tell you ..a german shephard has NOTHING on me. I AM SO SICK OF PILLS I COULD THROW UP MY LEFT LUNG.
i sorry that i dont have any advice for anyone on this page since i too am on the losing side of the battle. i will tell you that it has about drained any life out of me that i could possibly hope of ever having. i am depressed beyond description. i am 39 yrs old and feel so worthless that i hate to even leave the house. sometimes i wonder why im not on drugs. i guess i feel like the children at least deserve ONE DECENT SOBER PARENT.
why in the world would a grown man take pills to the point of destroying his life and marriage ? my guess is from what i have seen and TRIED to figure out over the PAST TWO DECADES .. is .. a person takes these pills because they feel alone? or loserish? or cool? or maybe just takes them cause they wanna be elvis freaking presley!! i dont know . but i do know that while the pill popper is basically zoning out from all THEIR problems for a little while .. their spouse IS NOT ONLY STILL having to deal with all the problems the dope head is zoning out from but now they also have to deal with BEING MARRIED TO A lying sneaking complaining sweating snoring jerking in their sleep bullemic screaming and yelling MALE bee-otch whos feeling sorry for themselves all the dam time.
im sorry for using this post to go off but for some sad reason i feel better for letting all that out .. even though its probably never going to get read .

well .. i still wish everybody on here a ray of hope and a ton of prayers . maybe one of us out of the four or five wives on here will grow a back bone and be able to finally walk away from a miserable situation. i wished i had it in me to give up on life and family and just FREAK OUT on drugs for a while .. unfortunately i have to be sober enough to make up excuses why he doesnt show up for work .. or how he could have accidently wrecked into a house .. or why he doesnt pay his bills or have the money to pay the irs.
pray for me people ..
I NEED IT.

[Areyouwhoyouwanttobe]

Loved your blog!!!! I too cannot even believe I am with this crazy man, who has caused us to lose everything and I do mean everything. He sneaks around, tells lies, takes money that is for food and bills. I can't stand it. He keeps saying he is not taking them...that only lasts for a few days then he starts working late so I won't be able to tell because he acts like a sparatic nut, jumping from one thing to the next...yelling screaming. I have a toddler and we have had to move 4 times in 2 years because he won't pay the bills. However, there is hope, I went back to work and if he doesn't come clean we are leaving for good. I used to be such a happy person before being with him, I feel tired and haggard never knowing what is coming next. Not knowing if we will have enough money to pay the bills, get groceries, buy diapers....it is completely ridicilous. He says he is going to get help, but that to must be a lie. And to those addicts going through withdrawals, get over yourself, you are pathetic, self centered jerks, how about thinking about what you have put your family through while you are off getting high.

[lostsoul777]

I relate to everyone on here....My husband has been addicted to pain killers on and off for years!We have been married for 5 years but together for 9....all through our relationship he has "popped pills" he had a surgery for a torn ACL after that it was all down hill.....lost jobs...cheated,I feel so stupid for staying with him..but I know this is not him!It's like a demon possesed him and dosen't wanna let go.I mean everday I say I'am going to leave and then I look at our son and decide to try and help him out of this horrible addiction.I grew up with an alcoholic mother and had a rough life..I never thought in a MILLION years I would be going through this in my adult hood.My husband has a really good job right now..and he could lose it over this!He constantly lies about the stupidest things...has major mood swings...and when he's clean he's distant.I don't know if I can take this anymore...I feel lost,all our friends and family know about the past and what he did but he picked it up again and now they all have blinders on...I feel like I'am fighting this battle alone.I love him so much but I don't think love is not enough anymore...I forgot to mention he gets his "goods" from suppossed "friends" who go to dr's offices and get a script and sell the pills for like $5 a piece..I told him to stay away but he won't of course.I just feel good knowing I'am not alone.....but the question is do I stay or do I go?I'am so confused how long can someone go through this?

[Robert_325]

I think it's right for people to be held accountable for what they have done in life be it good or bad. I also hate to see families destroyed especially seeing children hurt. But you people coming on here and saying EVERYONE going through W/Ds is pathetic are seriously confused. You sound like you could be the reason your spouse is using so much. There are lots of good people who have made mistakes due to injury and health problems. Not all addicts are scumbags. Some people who have never used are the scumbags. Maybe you should check your decision making capabilities. You married the losers. Who is more lost, the blind or those that follow the blind? Check your chips on your shoulders at the damn door or leave. If you can't say something constructive sign out please. You're not needed here. This forum is for constructive comments only. Read the posting instructions before trying to sound so superior. Stop the WHAH WHAH WHAH!!! You need some whine with your cheese.