[Mr Spock]

Hi All,
Well 3 pages in one day, that must be close to a record!
Before I start, I should explain my routine, so that I dont engender worry. First of all, I generally get up about 10 - 10 30AM. I then share breakfast with the cockatoo, (he loves a piece of toasted crust with jam on it), and as I have had him 22 years,it is part of his morning ritual and if I depart from that, I'll cop a few screeches and attention-seeking whistles!! I then go and get the newspaper and lie on the couch reading for an hour of so, and usually about 2 hours after I have arisen, that first coffee has started to kick in a bit, and I'm sipping the second. Then I go to the computer and see whats on the forum. So, 12 midday east coast Australian (daylight saving) time is about 8 PM US time, which is why my posts must appear to be a bit erratic... I wont bore you with the rest of the day in detail but it includes a 30 minute bike ride, lots of reading, and a bit of television/ DVD in the evening. The point I want to make is that I'm only on the net that one time a day, although usually for a couple of hours.
Debbie, it sounds like a real rollercoaster for you at present, and you must be so tortured by your restless soul. One thing I started doing a few weeks ago is going on this gentle ride every day. Even if I feel terrible, I find that it has several real positive aspects to it. The first is that exercise is good for you, and cycling, particularly on flat ground is pretty easy, second, its quite interesting. I live very close to a really nice beach (and I have the sunburn to prove it!), but even the ambience of the houses, parks etc is quite entertaining and novel, as I try to pick a different route every day. Next, over the last 18 months, I have actually become a bit fat by my standards, (probably the cortisol from the SSRI contributed to it) so I will tone up by this, even if it takes 6 months to do so. Already I can feel the difference after 3 1/2 weeks. Whilst I haven't lost any weight, I feel much more toned, particularly in my legs. Cycling is considered to be the second best exercise for all round toning after swimming, so the other areas will come... You also feel a bit relaxed after it. The last point is that by doing this, I am pursuing a positive action (therefore empowering myself), and feel good about my purposefulness. Why don't you try it? I'm not sure if I will be able to do intense cardio work at this stage Shifty, but I agree exercise is a really valuable aspect of self care.
Anyway Debbie, you are deep within the throes of withdrawal, and I would like you to consider that this is not really you, or your normal state of coping. I don't know what depakote is (I will look it up, as it probably has a different brand name "down-under"). Whilst I think that your last drop from 2.5mg to zero was a bit sudden, if you can cope with the withdrawal symptoms, they will abate... However, during this time, and therefore any times of crisis, DONT make any big decisions. These are times of great impulsiveness (for all of us), and any "rush of blood to the head" decision that we do make is bound to bounce back on us. We cannot escape our current status by a novel solution. Jackson Browne (a great American singer songriter) talked about this in his song about escapism with a drug experience in "Your Bright Baby Blues" when he sang;
"I felt like I was flying so high, so high above the clouds, but when I looked down I was standing on my knees".
So, try and take it day to day, even if its boring, give yourself a little treat once a day, and have a bit of a routine. It sounds like your daughter is a treasure, and it is obvious that you have a great trusting relationship there as well as a helpful emotional anchor as well as a responsibility. I'll reply to your e mail separately.
Auntybiotic, thanks for that valuable tip, and I have a feeling that this may be inevitable for me... What do you think might be an appropriate dose, 5mg? However, I am going to wait another month just to see if I can do a Redbled or Miss Lee. However, both Miss Lee and Redbled were only on it for less than 2 weeks each (which is of course disgustingly unfair to either of them), whereas I was over a year, and they have had some improvement which is great, and I am really looking forward to hear about their impending full recoveries. I would be quite content with some amelioration of the symptoms, but I really can't cop another year or so like this, as I have things to do... Great news about your daughter doing so well, and despite this fight she is going through against the aftermath of this addictive poison, I know that you are immensly proud of her. What a bloody nightmare with the ex!!! I didn't realise that you were still in the same house. The two weeks will fly, and there is something quite invigorating about a move (once everything is unpacked again!!!). Please don't compare yourself to anyone else, particularly in reference to how others have treated you. You are special and unique in this world, and I believe that your ex wasn't good enough for you anyway. Another factor is that I'm sure that in your early days of your relationship with him, he "wooed" you with dinners etc, but eventually that deteriorated in him taking you for granted. I'm letting you in a bit of a secret here, but most men dont change, so I can readily imagine that this fate also lies in wait for his new flame. You've had a lucky escape, and this new gentleman you've met presents interesting possibilities... I did get your e mail and will reply today.
Danio, your symptoms are of withdrawal only not a return of other potential problems, so give it some time and keep us apprised.
Anyway, I'll have a go at my e mails now...

Peace and long life.

[debbie724]

Mr Spock, it's great to hear from you... and I'm glad to know of your schedule... as I look forward to your posts everyday. My mom and dad have a bird like yours... and they too have a daily rituial with him... his name is Chuckie. Depakote is a form of valproic acid. I hope that helps. I tood that lexapro this morning and have spent most of the day with an upset stomach and in the bathroom. I have NO idea if the two relate. You still didn't mention if you are okay. You have a BIG problem with addressing everyone else (most of the time) and forgetting about yourself.


debbie

[lisa99]

quote:Originally posted by auntybiotic

lisa,

Start staking Omega 3 Fish Oil, Carson's Bramd is beest because it does NOT have any mercury.

Also check with your doctor about taking a quality liquid Multivitamin and mineral. Garden of Life is excellent and available at most higher quality vitamin stores.

Also Lecthin will prevent any muscle spasms or twitches lexapro withdrawal can sometimes cause.

Magesium Citrate will help ease anxiety.

Primal Dfense by Garden of Life will help with stomachCramping, naseau amd gastrointestional issues. it is expensive but worth every cent.

Starting now on supplements will help your body heal from the assukt that Lexapro has caused.

Keep us informed of your progress, we are here for your support. Good Luck.

Been so busy, I haven't had a chance to respond!

I'm in my third and final week of my taper and will be free of Lexapro starting on Sunday. So far, I've been fine... just a few bouts of dizziness. I'm more concerned about the after-effects though because the last time I tapered, I was fine for a whole month. Then I crashed.

At least I know now to be aware that my problems don't come during my taper, but after.

I'll definitely get more of those supplements. I've been taking extra Vitamin B and it's been helping quite a bit.

Thanks again Aunty and everyone!

[debbie724]

Mr Spock, it would be wonderful if you could check back in here in the evening after you write your post. It would also be wonderful if you could check your email again too. My days drag... my nights drag... just looking for answers.


debbie

[debbie724]

Yes Shifty... and I've tried talking to you about it via the internet. Try me again.


debbie

[Shifty]

I'm about at the 1 month part myself. I feel like a crash is coming on, even though my mood is much better now that I'm on lithium. I hope it's just a "phantom" feeling. I've been so angry and agitated for so long that I often worry about situations where I would normally get agitated even though I'm doing better.

I guess I'm kinda getting off topic going into my bipolar stuff, but I hope that my experience might help other bipolar people or especially people who don't know they are bipolar who may be awakened to the possibility.

I know that many people have bipolar-like symptoms when coming off of ssri's, but looking at my family line and college transcript pretty much cements my doctors suspicion that I'm bipolor. It's quite odd for a student to go from straight A's and B's to straight D's/Fs/Ws from one semester to the next.

Is anybody else experiencing an overwhelming desire to smoke or drink or do drugs after coming off of ssri's? I really want to smoke, although I will drink if I can't get cigs. If I was addicted to anything harder, I would probably be in big trouble right now.


---
I have taken : Paxil, Lexapro, Xanax, and Lithium
Currently: 450mg Eskalith CR (Lithium)

I was mis-diagnosed for 3 years. They thought I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder with a Major Depressive Episode. The real problem was Bipolar Disorder.
Quit Lexapro cold-turkey Dec 22, 2005.
Ask me anything, nothing is off-limits.

[debbie724]

Shifty, I know you are trying to go to bed.. but I promise I can relate to you.


debbie

[Torxis]

Top'o' The Mornin' to Ya'll- Hope everyones OK.

Am I the only person on this fine morning? Just got back from dropping of the kids @ school. Thought I would pop in and try to catch up on studying posts and catching up on E-Mails.
It's a really beautiful day. It's warm out, old Sol is shinning brightly, the birds'r chirpin'. Gonna check some E-Mail then go for a nice long walk.
H.A.N.D. -ALL>>>>TOM

My Clean Date:09.09.05
My E-Mail:Idonursing5@aol.com
Remember, We Can Choose to Act or Be Acted Upon!

*NA RECOVERY LITERATURE**
http://www.na.org/ips/eng/index.htm
HOW TO FIND LOCAL NA MEET
http://www.na.org/links-toc.htm

[mohannie]

Good Morning Torxis, Debbie, Auntie, Shifty, Mr. Spock, members and friends. I'm glad you are having a good morning Torxis and I'm also glad that you are able to see the beauty in the world today. Hopefully we can all stop and look around and find beauty and peace today.

[Miss Lee]

Where I live it is the first day of sunshine after 31 days of rain! I will also stop and look at the beauty and wonder of the world. I'll keep ya posted if it starts to rain! (Our state has lost a lot of roads and houses due to mud slides!)

Miss Lee

[debbie724]

When I woke up today I could tell it was going to be a different day from the past four... thanks to all of you. You were there when I needed you. You will never know how much that meant to me. [:I]

debbie

[kimi_d]

Hey Guys,
I'm still here also. The last few days I've been dealing with computer problems. I finally was able to rid my computer of a virus, adware, and a nasty spyware program.

Debbie, I think , if there is a downfall to this forum, it's the fact that sometimes there is not an immediate response. It's so encouraging to read back and see that even when we think no one is there........THERE IS! .... just HANG ON! I also believe, Debbie, that by sharing your struggles and pain, you have probably helped many and you will never know it (because for whatever reason they don't post). Feel free to use my msn,aol IM links above. (msn is best)

Tiger, I too was scared to death to go off the Lexapro. But you've found the right forum if and when you decide. I think information is the key (the one thing the drug companies don't provide.ha!) And you can find LOTS of it here. I don't feel I'm in the position to give much advice as I'm pretty new, and not out of the woods myself (and more of a philosopher)... but Aunty gave me great advice before I decided to go off Lex......."you can always go back".

In regards to my daily foot massages I receive from my husband...I didn't have to train him Mr. Spock ... Believe it or not he had to train me! Can any of you relate to not feeling worthy to receive love? Or simply accepting a kind act without wondering "what the heck do they want?"..... It took years. But I'm finally able to embrace the fact that my husband does just simply love me. It is very freeing.

Aunty, as always, you are beautiful and inspiring. I'm sending a little prayer your way.

Mr Spock, I love your 'empowering' bike ride. Seems like we all could use a dose. Sounds like you've had some rough days, but still taking hold of that little bit of control that empowers ... keep hanging on to that.....I love your spirit...(can I love two men at once?)..........oops....sorry Redbled! your territory?

Hi to Torxis,tamra,mohannie,Miss Lee, (I know I'm missing someone) all of you guys are awesome souls!

[kimi_d]

SHIFTY! Thats who I missed. Hi Shifty!

[kimi_d]

Miss Lee, I live in Oregon, so I can relate to the '31 days of rain'...sometimes it feels more like 120!

"I felt like I was flying so high, so high above the clouds, but when I looked down I was standing on my knees".
---Jackson Browne (originally posted by Mr.Spock)

[debbie724]

Kimi d, thanks for your inspiring words. As for Mr Spock, he must have a VERY swollen head... having all these women wanting him. Oh yeah... you too Redbled! []


debbie

[kimi_d]

Yeah, Debbie. I wish there was a "swollen happy face" that I could insert! Maybe the Drugs.com community will create one just for Mr. u-know-who (don't want it any bigger!)

remember to "laugh at least as much as you cry"

"I felt like I was flying so high, so high above the clouds, but when I looked down I was standing on my knees".
---Jackson Browne (originally posted by Mr.Spock)

[debbie724]

Redbled, we know you are very happily married... I was referring to you wanting Mr (you know who)... like the rest of us girls. I agree with you Kimi d, I too wish there was a swollen happy face in that head of his.


debbie

[debbie724]

Redbled, that's great news!


debbie

[Redbled]

Sometimes when Mr. Spock writes about being on a beach riding a bike and getting sunburned, I wish I didn't live in the mid-west I love it here, but think sunshine is good for what we are dealing with. I wanted to let everyone know I'm on day 2 fully taking what the nat doc gave me. Both yesterday and today I had episodes that normally would have made me very upset since the withdrawals started. Both times I felt a very different sense of calm and peace, which is just what he said would happen. I don't want to say much more yet, but so far I think something is happening since I have started taking what he gave me. I feel extra moving in my brain which scared me at first, but now I think the pills are just going to work on rewiring me like he said. I hope to know more each day as to how this will go. Everyone have a great day and weekend. I'll be on when I can. My stomach feels tons better btw the past 2 days than it had, and this will sound gross, but my bowell movements are much healthier looking then anytime since this all started.

Only took Lexapro for 10 days, as a doctors response to my brief anxiety over a treatable medical condition. Took my last pill at the very end of August.

[mohannie]

HI All,

I'm glad to read that everyone is keeping their spirits up today. I have been having a good day as well. I'm still having good days, which I'm happy about. I have a task for everyone on tomorrow, and I'm going to do this as well. I want eveyone to do something to make themselves smile. Don't look to other people to do this for you. Do something for yourself, even if it might seem outrageous, that will make you happy. Even if it is something simple like eating a piece of cheesecake. I want us all to keep this happy feeling going, and I want everyone to let me know how it goes.

[debbie724]

mohannie, glad to hear you are having another good day. I too had a great day! I don't want to talk about it to much... I jinxed myself the last time by talking about bottling my energy, etc. I felt pretty level today... no sadness at all... not quite as much energy as I had been having... but back to the diarreah of the mouth. My daughter actually asked me if I could be quite for 5 minutes while she downed her food on the way to the airport earlier today. I was convinced something was wrong because she wasn't responding to my questions as quickly as they were coming out of my mouth. It's hard to explain! She's off to Colorado for the weekend. I've done everything possible to give her the opportunity to enjoy life and explore the world while she is still young... encouraging her not to rush into marriage... but not discouraging her from love. Mr Spock, whilst I cannot remove my bike from the wall in the garage... I did get out twice today and walk my doggie... instead of just letting her out back. I also went over to my mom and dad's and cooked dinner for them... and ran my mouth all evening. They NEVER mind that. They have seen me suffer depression for so many years... they NEVER shut me up when I'm happy. Hope you are doing well... as with everyone else. It's pretty quite in here... is anyone else around?


debbie

[Mr Spock]

Hi all,
Well, whilst I have a bit of a stiff neck, I certainly don't have a swollen head, although, like any sensible and sensitive soul, I am not immune to flattery. Thank you. I would like to say that this forum has really has become a high point in my day, particularly once the coffees have kicked in and I feel up to contributing to it. I had a really big laugh at the comments by Kimi and Debbie in regards to Redbled's professed tendencies, as I'm sure he did also!!!!!
Wow, it sounds like you are getting some pretty wild weather over there! I'm aware of the twisters, and of course those dreadful floods last year. Not-withstanding this, at least Torxis must live in a sunny area, and Miss Lee is now starting to luxuriate in the sun's rays.
Over here, we have been having bushfires (see my post on 2/1/2006, that is 2nd January), but we've had a bit of rain the last few days which is great for the garden. In fact, I had never seen snow until I went to London, back in 1984!!!! Today is a glorious sunny one, but I'm still peeling so I'll stay out of the sun.
Shifty, are you getting many physical effects from the withdrawal ie zaps, tingling, dizziness etc?
Debbie, now that you've mentioned that you are on Valproic Acid (which is a mood stabiliser, although less potent than lithium), your medication regime makes sense. Like lithium though, its effectiveness is related to its blood level. I think you may have mentioned that your Dr recently suggested to increase your dose. When did you have your last blood test? It seems to me that your medication levels are all over the place, and I think you are doing a great job coping with it all. Have you been for a bike ride yet?
If not, a nice walk can be similarly rewarding. The main thing I have found whilst feeling like this is the amount of "navel gazing" I do. Therefore, if I can distract myself by looking outside, its really much more interesting, purposeful, and sometimes quite humbling...
Shifty, I may have mentioned in an earlier post that there is an inverse relationship between Serotonin and Dopamine, so when your serotonin levels start to drop, you have a craving to increase your dopamine level. Dopamine, of course is the "pleasure" neuro-transmitter, and is released with nicotine, food, sex as well as many illicit drugs. This is why you are craving it, as it has been suppressed whilst you were on the SSRI. How's your appetite? I remember Body Electric about 60-70 pages ago saying the same thing when he was withdrawing from Lexapro.
Kimi, it sounds, just like Redbled that you have your soul mate. Whilst from what you say, you regarded yourself that you were a lucky (albeit undeserving) woman, it sounds like you have at least started to accept that he regards himself as a very lucky man, which I have no doubt that he is!
Mohannie, your hanging in there and coming good. No big decisions, go with the flow...
Miss Lee, how's your cold? As far as the withdrawal goes, it sounds like you've just about nailed it. Keep putting on those pounds.
Redbled, I would imagine that this new regime sounds exciting in its possibities. You deserve a break, and I have a gut feeling that the 5 month's recovery time is going to ring true for you...
Auntybiotic, how's the packing going? It must be about a week and a half now, so it wont be long until you're free again. What a relief that will be. Did you get my return e mail? Any way, as I mentioned before, I'll give it one more month, although I'm not optimistic of a turnaround of any substance before going the slow taper. I really am looking forward to being able to function again, and I am incredibly annoyed at these drug companies for turning me into a "drug addict". I hasten to say that this is in no way a value judgment on anyone who has become addicted to other drugs, Torxis, (of which I include alcohol and nicotine), but from what I have read from this and other forums, the withdrawals from these drugs is the worst of the lot!!!! I cannot imagine the rage that you must feel at the situation relating to your daughter. Firstly, a totally inappropriate application, second her youth, and finally, the incredibly difficult withdrawal and the duplicity of the drug companies and the lack of knowledge of the prescribers of the dangers!!!!!!!
Anyway, it sounds like there may be others enamoured with Jackson Browne. If your interested the Greatest Hits is a good place to start, although my favourite is Late For The Sky. The song I have quoted, however, is on The Pretender.
Until tomorrow,

Live Long and Prosper

[debbie724]

Mr Spock, I wanted to let you know that I have managed to stay away from those "no good blokes"... even through this crazy week of mine. I definately have been experiencing those all to familiar phases of bi-polar... but thankfully not as extreme as before. That is probably partly due to the fact that I have you guys to turn to. I apologize to those of you that have seen me at my worst... via the internet. Bi-polar comes in so many shapes and sizes. Those of us that have lived with it can testify to that. I'm a little scared about waking up tomorrow... or the next day... or the next. I hope that this turn in my behavior and feelings was not brought on because of that Lexapro I popped yesterday! Thanks for always listening.

debbie

[debbie724]

Mr Spock, thanks for those encouraging words... as I wake up many days and don't feel like I am doing a good job coping with my obvious roller coaster medication levels. I do see my doctor every 6 months and my valproic acid levels have always been low. I originally was prescribed 500mg. x 3 each day and I felt way to excited, hiper, happy, talkative, etc... so I decreased my dose to 500mg. x 2 each day. The feelings that I had before these last four days were that of the feelings I had while on my maximum dose. I have to admit... I may get on other people's nerves by being so active and talkative... but I like being in my skin a heck of a lot more that way! Take care... and good night.


debbie

[debbie724]

mohannie, thanks for your personal emails and words of encouragment. I truly did feel like NO ONE was there yesterday morning when I SO DESPERATELY need someone... but everyone came out of the woodwork! We truly are blessed to have this forum. Thank you auntybiotic for this gift that you have given to us at the expense of your wonderful daughter. All things happen for a reason... look what your daughter has done for us. Okay, I'm getting a little to soppy/sappy here... gotta go. Love you guys!



debbie

[debbie724]

riffraff, where are you??? I'm getting worried. Call me, email me, or write a post here. I'll keep checking in.

debbie

[Redbled]

Debbie,

I just wanted you to know that I said a little prayer for you tonight. You are in the process of healing as I write this

Mr. Spock,

I'm glad to know you will give things another month. Give us plenty of warning if you decide to do something different. I think both Ms. Lee and I had an anxiety attack just reading the post and what you were considering. We wouldn't be the 3 four month amigos anymore if you bailed on us

To everyone,

Has anyone withdrawing ever noticed a bulging type of sensation in the throat? Every late afternoon and evening for the past week its happened to me, almost like something is stuck there. Its not very comfortable, just wondering what you guys know about it.

Only took Lexapro for 10 days, as a doctors response to my brief anxiety over a treatable medical condition. Took my last pill at the very end of August.

[debbie724]

Redbled, thank you SO much for that. I too believe that I am in the healing process. I hope that maybe I will be a luckier one... considering the other medications that I am on. I agree with you and Miss Lee about Mr Spock turning back... I hope to God that he can find some alternative way... as it appears that he has already been to h _ _ _ and back. He certainly is a great inspiration to all of us. I just hope that he can see that gift that he has. Once again, someone (you) has made me feel loved and cared for. We are all truly in this together. Let's make a pact to call out for each other whenever we need someone. I personally check in here a billion times a day... okay maybe just a thousand... but I need this forum and you guys as much as we all need each other. As for your swallowing problem... sorry... I personally can't help you there. I think we all may experience different things and similar things. I was having chest pains today and wanted to ask if that was normal??? I knew that would be a dumb question... so I let them pass. I wasn't scared enough about them to call a doctor or to have a panic attack (yeah)... it was like shots of electricity going off and on in my chest... both sides and middle. It's gone now. It think it was probably just anxiety. Take care of that wife... she's a lucky woman! Looking forward to hearing from everyone later or tomorrow. Please know that I am here... on and off... 24/7. I'm happy to announce that you guys are my new best friends and I'm here to stay!!!!!!!!!!!



debbie

[mohannie]

Red,

I myself have been having throat problems lately. My tonsils have been swolen and I've been diagnosed with strep three times within the last two months. I'm not sure if the fact that I'm no longer taking lexapro has anything to do with it though; I've been having trouble with my tonsils all of my life. I'm not sure if that helped you or not, but it's my story.

[debbie724]

mohannie, get those tonsils out! It was one of the best things I ever did. It truly isn't that bad! Love ya!


debbie