[debbie724]

Mr. Spock and Redbled, to matters even more complicated... I just checked my personal email. The "current" guy friend sent me an email at 3:30 AM telling me that we need to relinquish our frustrations physically with each other this evening... but only after I cook him dinner. A few days ago I had invited him over this evening for dinner. Please guys... I need some help here... what should my head be thinking if it were not such an emotional mess???


debbie

[auntybiotic]

quote:Originally posted by auntybiotic

Hi Everyone,

Wow,I hadthe flu and missed checking in for the day, had fun catching up.

Debbie,

I know it is easy to mistake "love" for the need to have a emotional connection and support. I agree with Mr. Spock, loving yourself will be the greatest love you will ever find. That is my New Year's Resolution to put my feelings first (but not in a selfish way) and to follow my instincts. I will start every "new" potential relationship as a friendship first............forget physical attractions........they don't exist when the lights go out anyway.(smile)


The Lexapro withdrawal will make you more emotional but I would be just as upset at the current man for being inconsiderate and putting his sleep issues before a 15 second phone call to you.......and dancing the next night!!!!!!!I wonder if he is worthy of your concern.

Torxis,

Your presence and supporton this board is welcomed. Addictions and withdrawal are very similiar I am finding from my research, be it from Lexapro or street drugs.


Mr. Spock,

No I did not get the email. How might I retrieve it? Through the Forum? I too am now wondering what is Echo Beach? A song possibly?? Mr. Spock, you never cease to amaze me, to be in contact and friendly with so many past loves speaks for how "real" the relationships were. "True love never dies........your past relationships are proof. Now my "past relationships" are just faded memories.......shows how shallow they really were.

Redbled,

I know the belief that "everything happens for a reason". Possibly this horrible withdraawal from Lexapro (and Celexa for some ) will help each of us to learn to overcome adversities and to have a greater compassion for others that may suffer thru their own addictions. Redbled, I know this experiences strengthened your marriage. To offer to come back here and help others after you are well is great. I know that we have all learned NOT to trust doctors as "knowing medicine" as we were all decieved regarding the harm of Lexapro.


Kimi D,

We missed you. I realize that it's hard to swallow this Poison. Keep in touch and let us know how you do. It may take about seven days to feel the effects of the "cold turkey" off the 10 MG. I am hoping that you will be spared the ZAPS. Buy a box of tissues because you may have some emotional days ahead..................evryone is here for your support. Keep in touch.

How are some of the OLDTIMERS?? Body Electric, Shifty, where are you guys.

I will reduce my daughter again after mid terms, I am praying that the taper will not disrupt her life too much. Please say a prayer for her.

Mohannie,

I can see you already "helping yourself" to heal. I am cheering for you!!!

[debbie724]

auntybiotic, I assume you are feeling better... hope so anyway. It was a day of reading huh? I think I almost took up a whole page. Having not heard the guys opinions yet... I'm gonna go with my gut here. I'm gonna go out to dinner with my parents today. I need some time to myself... no guy friend #1 or #2. I do love myself... I only learned how to in the recent years. I just L O N G for that "affection" that I missed out on all those years I was married! I don't want to be alone forever. I want to fall asleep at night being held and holding on. I want to be able to share my love and to be loved back. I have SO much to offer someone. Blah! Blah! Blah! I'm not going to turn this into another book. I'm really lucky to have all of you guys. Thanks for being there and sharing your love with me.


debbie

[tamra]

Hi everyone! Yesterday was my oldest son, Hunter's, 6th Birthday! How do they grow so fast? I noticed someone posted awhile back about short term memory loss....I find that I hardly remember so many things about my 1st child...maybe it's just time flying bye!

I've been away for a few days but have been saving my questions, comments, and experiences until I got a chance to sit down with the coffee (I know, no caffeine!)....so this may get lengthy..lol

I started on 10 mg of lexapro...after a year 1/2 I knew I needed more..I went to 15 mg. When it wasn't doing it's job, I asked to come off and they told me that with continued use, I would need more and went to 20 mg before the holidays. This year was the worst for impulsive shopping, ebaying, and not being able to "let go" and allow the spirit of Christmas to come to me. This has never happened before, that's when I knew something was wrong with the "me" that I've become. Since a week before christmas..down to 15 mg for 1 week, 10 mg. for 1 week, 5 mg this last week. I'm due to start taking every other nite and then every 3rd nite. My doctor wanted me to stay with 10mg...but the side effects were way too "interesting".

I've always had seasonal depression, non supportive ex-husband that had no feelings, empathy, or family values (infertility treatments - unsuccessful), divorce, new husband, pregnant, miscarraige, pregnant immediately again, beautiful little boy (Hunter), a business trip for my husband on 9/11...he was SUPPOSED to be on the flight from Pittsburgh, but we got to the airport early enough and they put him on a flight to Philadelphia, full blown anxiety collapse, $ troubles, sell the small house, buy a larger house, another beautiful little boy (Fischer), double $ troubles, bankruptcy - but kept the 2 cars & house, struggling to develope and keep to a budget with no credit cards, Hunter starts school, I'm now a stay at home mom...with no full time "out of the house" job for the first time in my life....Welcome 2006!! Husband is getting his bonus (catch up on bills) and a nice raise...that covers the past....NOW, I have learned that God has had his hand on us every step of the way! My life is surrounded with the most wonderful miracles and touches from God. (If you're curious..let me know I'd love to share, but It would take another few paragraphs!)

Anyway...That's how I decreased my dosage and why I was after an anxiety controlling med. thanks for letting me vent those details! aaahhhhh.

so, the dizziness and nausea....I found that getting up from the computer (instead of typing about it!) walk around and do something...look out the window...switch the laundry around...just walk around, open the door and take some deep breaths! It helps! the dizziness goes away immediately...the nausea..I took tums, the "runs" to the bathroom..pepto bismal (but your tongue turns black! ickky), lots of water, a multi vitamin with extra B, for nausea...a french vanilla slim fast milkshake sits well. I have no cravings for the bakery group..even thru our family birthday season! I've lost 5 pounds already, due to my "new" lack of appetite, in about 3 weeks.

I had a "new" thing happen though...???...my kids were wild! Playing, yelling, and running around....it was dizzy-ing & too much. My husband got home from work and went up to lay down..I needed complete darkness & layed and immediately took some deep breaths and fell right to sleep for about an hour! It was like a safety switch went off in my head and "shut me down"! I woke up feeling completely refreshed and comfortable again. Has anyone else had this?

Also, I spoke to my doctor about these interesting side effects...alot of them he knew about. His response...."If the patient knew that they were going to gain 15-20 on a medication..they would never take it"....hmmmm, he's right....but I thought I had the right to know BEFORE I started taking it...I guess I was wrong!

On weight gain and digestion..I was having extreme pains in my lower belly...at "mid-cycle"...the gyno says a small cyst - maybe that's it...surgery? My belly is always very "full"..from the bottom of the rib cage and down....like too full. I was recommended to see a gastro-something dr. for a colonoscopy to check for partial intestinal blockages. (NO WAY! NOT TODAY!) Now, I've noticed that since decreasing the Lexapro...my upper belly area is squishy, flat, and comfortable...even my lower belly is much smaller! My entire body feels different and loose flabby instead of a stuffed sausage feeling. I asked the Dr....it's all connected to the seretonin levels in the bloodstream, digestion, and intestines....the Lexapro slows the digestion at the same rate that calories are coming in. That why the weight gain! Less calories and things slow down! Less Lex = things start running smoothly....I'm sure that there are much more technical terms and more accurate explanations... but...the point being...this doctor says he knew that this symptom was a side effect of the Lexapro..but still referred me to see the gastro-something doctor to be poked, prodded, and checked...I guess I "caught him" in his own money making run around.

Does anyone else find it IMPOSSIBLE to wake up in the morning? LOL

[|)] Thanks for listening! Tamra


Live every day to it's fullest!

[debbie724]

As today is wearing on... I'm beginning to feel pretty down. Is this normal???


debbie

[Redbled]

Debbie,

Unless I misunderstood you earlier post, was I correct in thinking that this guy friend of yours was waiting to get physical with you, and told you that beforehand? How romantic Cook for me, then give me some. I'm not impressed with him at this point. I think I can help you in two ways. This applies to any man. Be nearly prude!!! You will quickly find out how much a man in interested in YOU by letting him know as Aunty said that friendship is how any solid relationship should begin. The longer a man goes without attempting to go way to far with you will tell you their true intentions most every time. I'm of course not talking about holding hands here, but every step does lead to another. Most men will drop you quickly if their main intention is only physical, and trust me, that is not a bad thing. You will know their heart and not have to go through the pain to find out. Beware though of one thing. Some men, about 10 percent I'd guess, the smooth ones, know what I am telling you. They know they must be patient to get what they want, and will act like they understand your feelings. Most women will quickly give in at this point thinking he must love me. Just be cautious is all I'm saying. For now, spend time with your parents and others you are not attracted to. Until you can be content with yourself by yourself, you can never be content with someone else, more pain will simply come. I know this can be tough, we all have such a desire to feel loved and needed. Become strong, become patient, and I promise it will be worth the wait to find the right guy. As for wearing down as the day goes on, in the beginning of lex withdrawal it seems that it gets really bad about 4 in the afternoon, but I'm not sure if this is what you mean.

Only took Lexapro for 10 days, as a doctors response to my brief anxiety over a treatable medical condition. Took my last pill at the very end of August.

[mohannie]

Hi All,

One thing I want to say to all of you is that during times that we are depressed, it's very hard to see our self-worth, especially when withdrawing from the Lex. I myself, have had a difficult time being alone, even though that's exactly what I needed. Last night, I took some time for myself and went to the movies alone. I know that's a very difficult thing for most of us to do, but it gave me a chance to realize that being alone is not so bad. We often times get caught up in the lives of others so that we don't look at ourselves. Sometimes being alone for me brings up a lot of negative thoughts and feelings, but I realize now that they all need to come out so that I can deal with them. I used to believe that I needed to be in a relationship in order to fully live. I'm beginning to realize now that isn't true at all. My hope for all of us is to realize our self worth, which is what got most of us in the Lex withdrawl stage in the first place. Everyone here knows that I've been lower than low at times, but hopefully this is me rising to the top again. Love you all, and we will make it through all of the ugly withdrawl symptoms.

(sorry for the rambling)

[debbie724]

Hey Redbled, thanks for letting me inside a man's head. And, yes... wasn't that smooth of him to tell me in advance of his plans for me after I cooked him dinner? That was the icing on the cake for him. I've been talking (via the phone) to guy #2 and he pretty much said everything that you said to me. We decided that we can be friends and we don't have to be lovers. Later he calls me up and asks if I am up for a roll in the sack? MEN!! You can't live with them... and you don't want to live without them?? Why did God make us so different? Well, I'm off to have dinner with my parents. Hopefully my spirits will lift being with them. Thanks again for your help. I'll keep you informed.


debbie

[debbie724]

mohannie, thanks to you also for your encouraging words. I'm proud of you... you seem to be getting stronger by the day.


debbie

[mohannie]

Thanks Debbie for listening and encouraging. Today, I'm experiencing the ever popular withdrawl symtom dizziness. I'm also experiencing a lot of anxiety while driving. I used to love driving, especially long distances because it was relaxing for me, and it gave me time to think and put things in perspective. Now, I dread having to drive anywhere.

As far as your "man" trouble goes, I don't have much advice for that because I haven't had to deal with a man on that level for a long time.

[debbie724]

Dinner with the parents did the trick... I feel so much better. I always enjoy being with my mom and dad. Guy #1 left me an email asking me if he held a gun to my head and told me to be unhappy??? This guy totally missed the boat! I told him that I was not unhappy... I was worried... and he didn't give a _ _ _ _! There's a big difference. I sure can find the losers. Have a great evening all. I will check back in later. This site is becoming my best friend, my companion, and the thing I look forward to most each day. auntybiotic, you feeling better?


debbie

[Mr Spock]

Hi All,
Well the message board is really pumping at the moment!!!
Auntybiotic, I'm sure that your relationships weren't shallow, particularly at the time. Perhaps you've been less fortunate in life. I, for one, have already seen to regard you as a friend (not just a "rescuer" as I'll explain below), and, having looked through the first 28 pages of this forum yesterday, you have a lot of other fans. However, and I am not being critical of anyone, sometimes we will seek out others in times of crisis or need, and when our crises have resolved, we can forget to return the goodwill and indeed affection or loyalty to the person who has helped us, and in a way move on. Perhaps this is a defense against the memories of pain and suffering, and the association of that person to that. This can make the person who has provided that much needed and elicited care, love and support feel cheated and regard the other as a "fair weather friend" which quite often can be the actual truth.
In other words, maybe you were too nice to the bastards, and put their needs before your own and they took it for granted, then moved on (their loss!!!).
By the way, totally unconnected to the above, does your daughter's father provide much support, help, nurturing?
Also, I enjoyed hearing your comment about putting yourself first. The thing I would like to say, in concordance with some earlier comments is that this is being self-ful, and would only be selfish if it was at the expense of others...
I'll try sending you another e mail but basically I would love a copy of Dr Tracy's book but I insist on paying you for it, as well as the postage. It will be an incredibly valuable acquisition, and worth its weight in gold. Also, I agree with you about friendship and physical love. I must admit my favourite times with some one I really cared about were cuddling and talking POST-coital!!! Sorry to be so graphic or sound like a SNAG (sensitive new age guy). I'm sure Redbled would back me up on this. Debbie, by the sound of it, I'm sure if No. 2 had been persusive in his "classy" seduction, he would have done a Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally, ie wait 10 seconds then roll over and go to sleep!!!!
ECHO BEACH was a song from the 1980's by Martha and the Muffins, and the reason I mentioned it is because I quoted two lines of it in my previous message, so Debbie when you said that you were "foolishly romantic", I thought you were referring to the quote. I have no idea if there is such a place on earth, but I wouldn't mind betting there is... By the way, it can be incredibly flattering to have people wanting to romance you, paricularly if you are very sensitive. However, whilst one is a bit "ratty" such as when one is withdrawing from this poison, it's best not to make any decisions or bold changes as, for a start, it induces more stress which will delay your recovery which is the primary goal of all of us!!! So, give these blokes the flick and "keep your head down".
Mohannie has come to the same conclusion, and I'm sure she will have her next relationship only when she's good and ready. No rush.
Tamra, sorry to hear about your difficult journey, by the way, I have a couple of (only instant) coffees a day. I thoroughly enjoy them, and the thought of them helps me get out of bed, albeit at 10 AM!. I also have that problem.
Mohannie, it seems that you realise the difference being on your own, rather than alone. The former perception can be liberating whilst the latter can be depressing.
Redbled, you've been a "bad boy", I think that we will have to punish you for eating that ice cream. Tell your darling wife to get the whips out and give you a good thrashing!!!! Also, whilst Aunty has suggested that people start to get better at 4 months, I did read a post some where from a fellow who said it took him 5 and it was all "hell"...
Torxis, welcome to the forum, as Aunty said we are all withdrawing or dealing with the aftermath of chemicals with our brains. It seems quite curious that whilst heroin withdrawal only takes a few weeks, unless it is a methadone regime, Lexapro and family can take up to 2 years!!! So which drug should be illegal????
Hi to the "soppy" Kimi.
Where are you Shifty?

Peace and Long Life

[Redbled]

Hmmm, wife and whips, wife and whips. I'm having ice cream tomorrow as well!!!






JK, was fun to pretend, but I'm not into the pain scene.

Only took Lexapro for 10 days, as a doctors response to my brief anxiety over a treatable medical condition. Took my last pill at the very end of August.

[Redbled]

Hmmm, wife and whips, wife and whips. I'm having ice cream tomorrow as well!!!






JK, was fun to pretend, but I'm not into the pain scene.

Only took Lexapro for 10 days, as a doctors response to my brief anxiety over a treatable medical condition. Took my last pill at the very end of August.

[Redbled]

Anyone else notice the forum acting funny lately? It always says the post didn't go through, so you do it again, and then end up double posting. Just more wife and whips I suppose that way

Only took Lexapro for 10 days, as a doctors response to my brief anxiety over a treatable medical condition. Took my last pill at the very end of August.

[debbie724]

Redbled, yesterday was Friday the 13th... followed today by a full moon... maybe that's why things have been a bit wierd in here lately. I too have noticed it. Mr. Spock, I'm really beginning to believe that this _ _ _ _ we have all been on is poision. My head is really messed up... like it's never been before. I'm still having that dizzy/shocking feeling when I turn my head/eyes from side to side. Tonight, several times I had a zapping pain in my leg. I have no idea if this is related to anything... but then again... I had no idea that so many things that I have been going through with my body and my life over the past several years are things that I shared with everyone else in here. Is there a such thing as "leg zaps"? At the moment I feel so sleep deprived... I'm going to try to catch a couple hours. I'll be back here by 2:30 or 3:00 AM if my usual sleep pattern exist. Good night to all... and to all a good night!


debbie

[debbie724]

Well, I'm here earlier than I thought... it's 1:00 Am. Doesn't anybody else have this same problem??? Sleep for a couple/few hours and then wake for the rest of the night?

debbie

[debbie724]

[8D]It's gonna be a good day... I was able to get back to sleep and I actually slept through the darkness of the night... waking up at 7:30 AM. This is only a 2nd time for me since weaning and stopping the Lexapro. I do love all this new found energy... my house hasn't looked so good and clean in a few years. Could this be my OCD returning? If so, I'd rather live this way than the way I was before!

auntybiotic, feeling better today? Mr. Spock, I always look forward to reading your posts... how are you feeling today? Redbled, have you been wipped unconcious ), mohannie , keep smiling and stay strong, torxis, where are you and are you okay? and everyone else... How is EVERYONE today?


debbie

[tamra]

Debbie...have you tried benedryl or an allergy/sinus nightime pill? I know, one drug with another...but if you need a good nite's sleep it does work. Make sure that you are drinking enough water to avoid over-decongesting yourself though! lol I had weird pains in my hips, knees, and ankles...it was a week after I fell down the steps on the ice..so I wasn't sure that was the cause or an interesting lexapro issue.

For the 1st time in about 3 yrs...I DID NOT TAKE LEXAPRO LAST NITE!! I told my husband that if I get moody or strange...tell me to go up and lay down...that seems to work for me. I feel a little odd, not dizzy, but like I've got a "forcefield" around my forehead..yes, too much star trek!

Have a great day!!


Live every day to it's fullest!

[debbie724]

tamra, I have tried the benydral for the itching (when I would have problems with that)... but I really don't want to put any more meds in my body. I'm on Wellbutrin, Depakote, and Ativan... that's what I'm sticking with. I'm trying to get rid of this LEXAPRO weight!!! Don't know what other meds would do to prevent the weight loss. I don't mind the sleep problems because I am currently not working... and the excessive energy... I think it can only help me lose the weight. I'm down 7 1/2 pounds... yeah! How are you today?


debbie

[auntybiotic]

HI everyone,

Debbie, I am feeling better, thank you for asking. Glad the dinner went well with your parents, you are far better off with their company.

Mr. Spock,

You are very insightful, another adjective to add to the compliments used to describe you. (smile) My daughter's father offers no support either emotionally or money wise, in fact the child support arrearages are in excess of $100.000. He has state hopped to avoid being jailed for never paying support.

The ex boyfirnd that I lived with for six years had many good qualities but offered NO emotional support most of the time, in fact he did not EVEVN believe that there are Lexapro withdrawal symptoms. He was very "loving" early in the relationship but as the years passed the holding hands ended as well as the tender kisses and signs of affection that women need..

My life was SO lacking in the emotional support............. Hence, the creation of this topic on this forum. I often told my ex boyfriend that I "get more emotional support from strangers on the internet then I do from you". How sad was this so called relationship, so I decided to leave and to remain friends.

Never having been married and having no children of his own (and being 10 years younger then me) it was hard for him to relate to the stress that life can hold. I often wondered if I was just a "maid" and a "roomate", at least that is how I felt at times. We have now gone on with our own lives.

Redbled and Mohaniie,

Keep up the good work. I will not be checking in till late tonight.

Regards,

[auntybiotic]

Mr. Spock,

Try again to email me privately with a address to mail the book. It is a gift, thank you for the offer to pay but that is not necessary.
I have never emailed anyone from this forum but I have recieved private emails, just am not sure how to send them.

[debbie724]

Redbled, I took your advice. I got an email from guy #1, he apologized for not calling me that day and asked if we were still going to be dating. I emailed him back at 8:30 PM and told him that I would still go out with him... but could we hold off on the "intimacy". I told him that I would like for us to get to know each other better first. Well, it's 10:30 AM and I haven't heard a word from him. You were right... this is a quicker and easier way... thanks! I'll let you know if I do hear from him though.


debbie

[debbie724]

RedPA, are you okay? Haven't seen a post from you since 1/11/06. Anyone heard from RedPA?





debbie

[debbie724]

Torxis, same to you. Haven't seen a post from you in a couple days. Are you okay?


debbie

[tamra]

WOW! (I'm typing with clenched teeth!) This is NEATOOOO, TERRIFIC! SO JOYFUL!!! I feel like a sarcastic lightswitch today! Kinda like a cat...with someone standing on my tail! My hair is standing on end and I'm just ready for a fight!! I'm trying my best to keep the humor flowing....but I could just run outside to the edge of the yard and start jumping up and down cursing and swearing! Like the Bugs Bunny cartoons...where Yosemite Sam goes running out into the desert...or like when he hits the camel over the head to get him to move! Or maybe it's like being the Tazmanian Devil on the loose! Anyone been there?? [}]


Live every day to it's fullest!

[Redbled]

Debbie,

Be cautious even if he still does call you. The guy rubs me as all wrong, but we'll see. I never had leg "zaps", though I did have moments where my legs just drove me nuts for no reason. I'd have to get up and walk or move them. It is a very odd feeling. I never really had trouble sleeping at night, but did have trouble at first ever sleeping past 6 in the morning. I'm a night owl, so always have loved to sleep in.

Only took Lexapro for 10 days, as a doctors response to my brief anxiety over a treatable medical condition. Took my last pill at the very end of August.

[debbie724]

Redbled, no word from him yet... don't think he will call or email... we all know what he wanted!!! Even if he does call or email... I wouldn't do anything more than be friends at this point... he's rubbed me the wrong way too!!! From now on I'm sticking to your advice about making them wait. Only I can be intimate with myself until then!!! [:I]

debbie

[debbie724]

tamra, are you okay? Can't say that I've EVER felt what you are feeling... and I don't know what advice to give you. Hopefully auntybiotic, Mr. Spock, Redbled, or anyone else with more time and knowledge can help. auntybiotic gave a list of withdrawl symptoms (I believe they are on pg. 78 or 79 ish)... maybe that will help. Take deep, slow breaths... Stay cool... I care!


debbie

[Torxis]

Hi, everyone, hope all are well.
Debbie- Sounds what you might be experiencing is restless leg syndrome. People usually don't notice a problem with it until it starts waking them up at night. I don't know too much about it but I do know some people get it for no reason, others get it when they are in withdrawal. What they call "kicking the habit." I will look online for more info and get back to you later. I agree with following your gut. If your instincts make you uncomfortable with your relationships usually you should follow them. On the other hand you don't want to reject people without giving them a chance. Patiences and perserverence will tell.
Tamra-- Sarcastic Lightswitch!!? That's different, original too. I have no idea what it could be, but any symptom should be watched with caution. I hope you're ok- just be careful.
Will check back this evening--All->>>>TOM