[auntybiotic]

I just read all the Newcomers stories at Withdrawal and Recovery and did not see your story posted. Possibly this may be why Catherine has not answered yet. Try reposting your story in as MUCH DETAIL as possible. Try and include everything that could explain how you feel and how you tapered and what other meds you are taking.
I will check to see if it gets psted to the forum.

[carolleah]

One year and a half ago, I had been suffering from depression. I had recently lost my beloved father and brother-in-law within the last two years and then had to deal with other related terribly stressful matters. The hardship of life had finally caught up with me. I had been taking St. Johns Wort for a few months and then after having my first anxiety attack, visited a doctor in my HMO. He prescribed Zoloft and had said that since I had stopped taking the St. Johns Wort the week before, that it was out of my system. This was the first time I ever took an antidepressant and had no psychiatric history of depression or anxiety. When I started on the Zoloft, I was experiencing blackouts, overexcitability and just feeling hyper. I believe that it was the combination of the St. Johns Wort and Zoloft that was causing this. Never should an MAOI be combined with an SSRI. There should be a wash out period of at least three months. Anyway, I went back to the HMO and told them what was going on. The primary care doc said that I should stick with it and that the symptoms would go away. I knew I needed to get off the drugs asap and tapered off over a month since I had only been on Zoloft for a month. A week after I tapered, I suffered an extraordinary debilitating depression that had me bedridden. My husband urged me to seek treatment. Then I started to become paranoid and delusional, but still functional. I attribute this to coming off of the Zoloft too quickly. Anyway, I travelled to where my sister practices as a surgeon and she had me hospitalized. It was truly unreal what I went through. They diagnosed me as depressed and delusional and put me on a mood stabilizer and lexapro. That started the beginning of a horiffic journey. Anyway, to make a long story short, six months ago I decided to get off all of the drugs, taper off over a couple months (which I regret now) and go forward with my life, free of the doctors and drugs and live a healthy life. I adopted the "do everything else" approach to get off of the drugs, believing in myself. This was extraordinarily difficult because I had little or no support system in place other than one best friend. When I initially tapered over two months, I didn't have any problems, but then around two months off all drugs I started to experience withdrawals: weird headaches, tingling sensations in my fingers and head, insomnia, bouts of anxiety and depression. I went to a walk in clinic and the doctor there said that it could not be withdrawal and that the drugs were out of my system. He said that it was possibly fibromyalgia. I started doing research at the time and found clearly that this was delayed withdrawal. Prior to all of the drugs, I was a professional, working and going to school. The last year and a half have been chaos because of these drugs. At this point, it has been five months since tapering. I have followed this forum during this time and it has been quite helpful and provided much help. The promises of relief of the withdrawal symptoms have seemed to be on target. The fifth to sixth month range off of drugs seem to be the worst, BUT also start to provide windows of relief. These windows are a return of myself and my energy. They come and go. The anxiety starts to wane and there are terrible bouts of depression. It is really important to get through this midpoint because the promise is that by the year mark, the symptoms lessen and the windows become more often. Then by the year and a half mark, you are better or as good as you are going to be, from what I understand. I am only one third there. I am in the throws of the worst of the symptoms. It amazes me how many systems in your body an antidepressant effects. My story compares best with Elizabethmaria's. EM, you have been my mentor, whether you know it or not. Thank you for your courage, compassion, leadership, and acquired wisdom. It has given me inspiration, comfort and guidance in my journey back to myself. Despite how hard it is coming off of these drugs, it is worth it to get my empathy and feelings back. I don't know what life is without these. I am grateful to be able to cry and guffaw, which I wasn't able to do without these drugs. Now I would like to give back to this forum by telling my story and offering hope and wisdom through my own journey. I looked to my virtual support group for hope and now I am far enough along to be able to give back. I would like to offer words of encouragement to the others in this forum that it is out there and that you can do it. The drugs are only a patch to your problems. AND for the most part, the doctors prescribing these drugs are not adequately trained to prescribe them. Psychiatrist should be the only doctors that prescribe them, and even so, they too tend to overprescribe and do not always understand drug interactions, withdrawal problems, and that about 10% of the population cannot tolerate the drugs due to liver capacity. Moreover, children are now being prescribed these drugs. And that is the horrible part of it all. I would like to describe in future posts everything in my life over the last year and a half and provide insight as to what I went through. But now I need to go.

[carolleah]

Withdrawal symptoms five months from complete withdrawal:

Difficult Symptoms:

Light, poor sleep.
Weird sensations in my head. Tingling.
Apathy, but lessening.
Crying spells.
Restlessness, but lessening.
Hormonal system off.
Neck bones crackle.
Anxiety, but lessening.
Weird cluster headaches.
Achy joints at times, but improving.
Short term memory problems, but improving.
Susceptibility to depression.
Sensitivity to noises.
Hypersensitive to rejection and negativity.
Lack of adrenal surges at stressful times.
Irritability.
Poor executive skills, organizing, getting things done.


Allayed symptoms:

Really poor fragmented sleep.
Horrible headaches accompanied by joint aches.
Anger outbursts.
Improved energy.
Less apathy.
Getting some feelings back.
Windows of feeling like myself.
Starting to enjoy music.


Coping/Getting well strategies:

This virtual support group
Talk therapy
Finding things that make me happy
One person that believes in you to talk to and encourage you
Exersize
"Alive" Herbal Vitamin Supplement
Fish Oil
Inositol
Benadryl to help with sleep
1-2 Glasses of wine at whatever time I need
Keeping busy by volunteering
Knowing that you can stay on the phone with caring people to talk to as long as you need to
Knowing that as long as the basics are getting done, then you are doing okay--if chores go undone or other things don't get finished, then it is not going to any severe damage
My mantra: I cannot change the past but I can change the future
Rebuilding bridges with people you might have turned off
Knowing that G-d provides new doors for each one that might have closed
Doing good deeds for others to help like yourself
Doing whatever it takes to like yourself, as difficult as it might be
Mentoring others that are withdrawing
Firing that mediocre therapist that only head nods
Firing that primary care physician that is inadequately trained and could care less
Firing that rabbi or priest that never called
Getting rid of friends that didn't come through
Surrounding myself with really high quality supportive friends
Finding joy within myself and from my son
Putting happiness factors in my life
Eating really healthy foods, especially salads, nuts, veges, and chocolate


Please remember everyone, that it does get better. At times when you are in the picture, you can't see it. You need to hear from others that it is out there, you just need to be patient. Please find EM's poem about waiting and being patient in a prior post of hers. It was quite consoling to me.

Thank you all for listening and being there for me. I feel like I am on some sort of spiritual journey. I am hoping and praying to make it to the year make. I know it will be better there.

[SchnauzerTime]

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time but keep telling yourself "it will pass." And 18 months is just a time period to say you will definatly feel alot better...but who know? You could be 100 percent better way before then! Keep being positive and I'm glad the stories on here have helped you get through the difficult times. Eat as healthy as you can, drink plenty of water, and take a good multi-vitamin. Your story was very interesting and informative...doctors want to prescribe a little pill for everything and most of the time it is not needed.

About the comment that it's horrible doctors put children on these meds, I agree. I was 11 when I was put on 20mg of Paxil after my mother died when I was 10. It should be illegal to put a child on this stuff.

I'm glad to meet you and glad you posted your story on here. Keep smiling and it won't be much longer til you feel yourself again .

[SchnauzerTime]

As Aunty said it's the Body Calm Supreme...umm, I think there is a link to it under Aunty's name if you click on it and go back a couple pages of posts. But...it has been helping me to take it at night but last night it took longer than normal to go to sleep. But, when I DO get to sleep it seems to help me stay asleep. Of course everything is different for everyone's bodies and I hope it helps you too .

[SchnauzerTime]

I JUST now signed on about an hour or so ago and posted my story....it said Catherine had to moderate it before it gets posted or something like that. I am rather confused on that whole message board on how to post things, lol. Where do I go to see the New Members posts? I am curious if mine is up there yet. I also sent her an email requesting a phone consult so will be waiting for her to answer that too. I did a pretty detailed message describing my past history to the group but forgot to put vitamin information...oh well.

Anyways, thanks so much for all your advice and suggesting me to go there and talk to Catherine...I hope she can figure out my problem so I can go ahead and get on the road back to feeling better .

[SchnauzerTime]

I'm SO glad your husband is doing so much better in such a short time period! That's wonderful! I'm sure he'll continue to get better and better now and that Catherine can figure out a nice slow way for him to get off the medicine. I'm sure he is just enjoying feeling relief right now from everything.

Thanks for the info about Catherine's site...I got accepted this morning and wrote a new member story and posted it. I tried to be as detailed as possible. I also sent a private email for a phone conult to Catherine so hopefully she'll get back to me on that soon. I am confused about the whole posting thing there...it's very different for sure, lol. I want to see if my message showed up but not sure where to go to look for it.

It's funny you wrote her all that and she wrote one sentence to you and it worked! That is great! I hope it's that easy with me too, lol...it probably will be. It seems that Catherine is very knowledgable from all the files I've read so far on there.

Take care and tell Benny you and him both are in my thoughts and prayers .

[SchnauzerTime]

Jeeze! That site is driving me batty! I THINK I posted something...LOL. I dont' know! I looked at most recent messages and the most recent one was posted at 1:24 a.m. this morning. Does Catherine have to look over them before they go through? Cause mine didn't autamatically post. I wrote it about an hour and a half ago.

[carolleah]

Schnauzertime,

Thanks for replying. I am sad to hear about the loss of your mother at such a young age and that you were put on Paxil, one of the most difficult drugs to come off of. And thanks for listening to my story. I guess, we all have stories to tell, don't we? And it's sad that when what we need is compassion, we turn to doctors to help us and only find that pills are given to us, that only cause more problems in our lives. If it is true that there are 700,000 people that have turned to these postings for information and consolation, that tells you that more is needed in our society to help eachother, instead of having to turn to drugs.

[elizabethmaria]

Dear Kimberoo and others,
Just wanted to say that that part of Aunty's advice, where she says SMILE, whether you feel like it or not, is REALLY TRUE - and LAUGH too! It really makes you feel better, especially when going through the worse part of emotional withdrawals/ depression. It works because as I've heard, your brain releases the same happy chemicals regardless of whether you're laughing / smiling for real or just faking it - it still releases those good neurotransmitters/hormones or whatever it releases - it actually can't tell the difference in a general way. So --- watching funny videos, reading funny things, etc. and just smiling for no reason, really help to make things feel better. Plus, I think as your kind of 'rewiring' your brain in recovery, it rewires it positively, not negatively - all those pathways and such.

Anyways, just thought I'd share - it does help, and that's a good thing!!

love,
EM

[elizabethmaria]

Hi,
Just a quote that I thought was good - when the going gets rough, !


"If you're going through hell, keep going." ~ Winston Churchill


*************

[elizabethmaria]

Some quotes on perseverance ~ for all of us working our way to healing!
Helps to put things in perspective too...
take care,
Elizabethmarie


Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. ~Author Unknown

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~Newt Gingrich


The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running. ~Author Unknown, in reference to Ecclesiastes 9:11, "I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. ~Albert Einstein

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. ~Walter Elliott, The Spiritual Life

There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream. ~Author Unknown


Perseverance... keeps honor bright: to have done, is to hang quite out of fashion, like a rusty nail in monumental mockery. ~William Shakespeare


The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence but by oft falling. ~Lucretius

Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. ~Author Unknown

Saints are sinners who kept on going. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. ~Author Unknown

Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down. ~Charles F. Kettering

One may go a long way after one is tired. ~French Proverb

Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. ~Robert Schuller


Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable. ~Thomas Foxwell Buxton


When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. ~Author Unknown


Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second. ~William James

Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer. ~Author Unknown


Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale


A door opens to me. I go in and am faced with a hundred closed doors. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin


Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. ~William Feather


Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting. ~Christopher Morley


Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before. ~Jacob A. Riis

[elizabethmaria]

HOPEFUL,
Are you still here? I just was wondering how you are doing, and whether you saw the movement disorder specialist. My movement problems are getting worse as well - I remember you mentioned that yours were getting worse too -- it's getting difficult to walk, as my hips and legs are stiffening.. and the hand/shoulder face stuff is troublesome..
Just hoping to hear from you - but hope that your not posting means you're doing well...
take care!

Hi Skyer,
Just wanted to say hi!! Hope you're doing well too - everyone looks like they must be out and about feeling well, so that's great...
take care of yourself, and thank you again for keeping us updated and everything - hope your work is going well too...
take care,
love, Elizabethmarie

[humboldtdan]

I was on 20 mg of lexapro, and came off too quick, I got sick, so I went back on. I am on 10 mg now, but have never felt the same relief it gave me before. Should I go back to 20 mg for a little while to get my body balanced again. I want to try being off completely, if I follow the slow taper described here, I think it was 10 percent a week, will that be a fairly smooth withdrawal process??

[tavee]

I So Need Your Encouraging Words Right Now!!
Thanks Sweetie!!

I Am Feeling ********************py Today. It Is Day 12 On 1ml And Today I Was Sooooooooo Dizzy And My Eyes Were Closing. I Just Woke Up From A Nap And I Feel ********************py Again.

I Hate Feeling Sick U Guys!! It Is So Hard To Take Care Of My Kid. Thank God My Hubby Is Home But He Only Has About 2 And Half More Weeks Till He Goes Back To School.

I Dont Mean To Whine But I Am Soooooo Sensitive And I Have Been Taking Things Personal And Being Soooooooooooo *************************y!!

God Help Me!! How Am I Supposed To Get Pregnant Without Being On Lex???????


Tavee

[elizabethmaria]

Humboltdan,
You might need to reinstate up to 15 mg, if you're not finding relief at 10mg. 6 weeks at the same dose, if it's working, should cause you to stabilized - if not, then you need to up the dose as the drop from 20 to 10 was too much. Once you are stabilized, you stay on that dose for 3 weeks, then drop by 10% - dropping after every 3 weeks. It takes at least a week for withdrawals from each drop to set in, then a while to recover and stabilize, that's why it's 3 week between tapers. And it's 10% of you CURRENT dose. If you stabilize on 10mg, then go to 9mg for 3 weeks, then you go down 10% of 9mg, which is 8.1 or ? no calculator here -- sorry! etc etc.
Read Aunty's posts in the past regarding tapering schedules, etc. - she has the best info and has pasted it for everyone several times, in past pages.. you want to get it right - I'm not the expert here, but I think that's how it goes!
take care,
Elizabethmarie

Tavee -- Your going to feel BETTER when not on lex, not like this!! you're still having withdrawals dear, ok? please don't worry about it - your body is adjusting to the way way less amount, and has lots of rewiring to do - it hurts, but just be patient.. it's probably confused - 'what happened, where did all that lex go, now what do I do??' that's what happens inside, but it will slowly get more and more evened out. It's finally evening out for me, and I'm almost at 8 months - of course you won't be like that, but I sure never thought!
is that time coming too? it is for me, and sure gets me every time...
take care,
EM

[SchnauzerTime]

Hang in there hun! If this is a withdrawal week it should be over soon! A couple more days and you should get to feeling better I hope. I know how you feel about being sensitive and just wanting someone to complain to...I'm going through the same thing. We're here to listen if nothing else and to tell you not to give up...you're almost done! This is the toughest part when you get down this low in dose, so I've heard but you've made it this far..I have faith in you! .

[SchnauzerTime]

My post STILL hasn't show up on Withdrawal and Recovery board! What gives? I'm getting worried now...should I repost? Also, Catherine hasn't answered any of my emails yet. I keep telling myself it will all work out and to have patience...patience is not one of my greater traits! LOL.

EM

Thanks for the little quotes and things! They always perk me up . Glad you are doing well and you are always a ray of sunshine on here for me.

[auntybiotic]

I did extensive research on The Body Calm Supreme and it appears to be safe to take with Lexapro. It does not apear to affect the P 450 sytem. This is great news.
Although caution should be taken if you are currently on xanax, ativan or valium as this combination can supress the centeral nervous sytem even further. I am not a doctor so please use caution following advice on the internet.

http://supplementnews.org/passion-flower/

[auntybiotic]

Your post on Withdrawal and Recovery has not shown up yet, not sure why. Maybe Catherine has to approve it first.

[SchnauzerTime]

She was on a minute ago but didn't approve it yet. She sent me the history form to fill out for the phone consult so I did that and will wait to hear a reply about that. She mentioned something about she likes to reply to the posts and if she doesn't have time she waits until later , then all the posts build up...so maybe she will get to it eventually.

[SchnauzerTime]

Sometimes what we

wish for can seem light

years away. But the life

you picture for yourself is

ready and waiting to fall

into place! Just believe

in that wonderful future,

and stretch just a little

further for it. Because

with positive thinking,

nothing is beyond your

reach!

I got this out of a catalogue and thought I would share .

[Suzanne0917]

I am just starting to wean myself off of Lexapro, because I am trying to get pregnant, and now that I can't just stop taking it, I have to put off getting pregnant. I feel like my life revolves around this awful medication. I was off of it for almost 4 days, and then the side effects were getting the best of me...I finally decided to call my Dr today and she said to split my dosage in 1/2 for the next week, then take it every other day the following week...I just hope the weight comes off as well. let me tell you I love gaining 15 pounds in a year! Anyone know how long after you are off of Lexapro, the side effects will last?

[SchnauzerTime]

You have the same name as my mom (she died when I was 10)...it's a beautiful name .

Anyway, you don't want to taper that fast. Most doctors say it is fine to do it that fast but you will go through hell with withdrawals. How fast did you taper this time? Or just go off cold turkey? My advice would be to go back to the dose you were most comfortable at , or even get back on the full dose. It will take you a couple weeks to stabilize.

Then, do NOT taper as fast as your doctor said. Get liquid Lexapro from your doctor and taper in 10 percent increments of your CURRENT dose. I don't know what dose you are on now, but say you are on 10mg. Do with a calculator 10 percent of 10 which is 1, then subtract 1 from 10 and you get 9. So in this example your first taper from the original dose of 10mg would be 9mg. Do each taper for around 3 weeks until you feel stabilized. The withdrawals do NOT show up until around the start of the 2nd week the medicine is lowered and they generally last for a week. If you do it slowly like this the withdrawals will not be bad and will not interfere with your everyday life. Your next 10 percent drop would be 10 percent of the CURRENT dose which is now 9mg...so 10 percent of 9 would be .9...subtract .9 from 9 and you get 8.1mg. 8.1mg would be your next 3 week taper.

Get a 5ml syringe and a 1ml syringe free from your pharmacist at any drugstore. This will allow you to measure the medicine correctly. Do NOT split pills...it's not accurate and will make your withdrawal worse.

I know this taper will take a while but it will be WORTH it in the long run. When people do fast tapers or go cold turkey they generally have EXTREME problems and are sick from anywhere from a couple months up to 18 months. It takes up to 18 months for the brain to heal...but if you taper SLOWLY your brain will be healing while adjusting to each taper along the way and will make it much easier for you.

I know you want to get pregnant soon...but if you can wait about a year (which is how long the taper will take) it will be well worth it. You don't want your baby to go through withdrawals too...and if you are sick as a dog lying in bed, trust me, you aren't going to want to get pregnant.

Think about it, and I hope you chose the "safe" way to get off this drug. I KNOW it is frustrating that it will take awhile....but it's better than being sick all the time, trust me...I've been through it .

P.S. Do NOT taper if you are still feeling badly...wait until FULLY stabilized...until you are feeling very well again.

[SchnauzerTime]

By the way, the weight will come off! Of course you will have to excersize and eat right when you get off the Lex but it will, don't worry. Many people have had good success with dropping the weight so that's something you can look forward to. And 15 pounds isn't that bad! I'm about 100 pounds overweight because I've been on these types of meds since I was 12...I haven't gone off Lex yet...am still stabilizing from a too fast taper I did a month ago before I knew to do it slowly.

**I am not a doctor and these are just my opinions.

[kimberoo]

SchnauzerTime

Catherine can only respond once a week and it is either Thursday or Friday that she does it, at least it was my first week. You won't see your full post either, she will take tidbits from it and respond to each part of it that she wants to address. It makes it kinda hard for others who would like to read your whole story, you kinda get only half of the picture. But, the important thing is that SHE knows your whole story. Maybe you'll see it tonight or tomorrow. I haven't checked it yet, I came here first. I'm gonna do a another post to fill you all in on Benny's progress but I wanted to address you first. Thank for the kind words of encouragement. Let us know when you see it posted on the list.

Kimberoo

p.s.
I have to run to the bank, I'll post when I get back.

[skyer]

Hi Em!

Great quotes!! Thanks for posting that. Oh, I'm not out and about because I'm feeling great. Let me put it this way...I'm struggling, but no longer suffering. The better you feel the harder it becomes to read the forums, for me. It just makes me cry to see everyone suffering. But you can always email anytime if you do not see me on the boards! Do you still have my email address?

I don't know if I mentioned this, but my anxiety finally went down last Monday and hasn't come back. It's not gone, but it's soooo much better than it has been for 10 months...since this all started!!! Just wait, EM. I think 10 months off is a big. It seems that way for many. I'm hoping 12 months will be even better! I just wish the dreams and depersonalization would go away for good! Better, but not gone.

So glad to hear your testing went OK. I just wish doctors would be more open-minded about your situation. I think the CFS had a lot to do with your reaction. I'm not a doctor, but it makes sense to me after doing the research. I really think most doctors lack logic. They only believe data -- falsified or not! You have to have logic to be a lawyer, that's why I think lawyers are willing to believe us. Someone on Paxil Progress desribed what her lawyer said the general timeline for withdrawal was and someone responded by asking how her lawyer knew that and she said...well, she represented almost 5000 plaintifs in the Paxil Withdrawal suit.

I don't know anything about Scientology, and don't really want to, but I was reading some stuff online about their beliefs in psychiatry and I really think they are right. I think it was the Citizens Commission on Human Rights site...disturbing, but on the mark. I just wish they were not such a secret organization because they could spread the word more effectively.

Take care,
Skyer

[SchnauzerTime]

Thanks for reasuring me! I was getting worried why I haven't seen anything yet. I haven't even seen any tidbits from my post...nothing. But I do have good news...I set up a phone consult for this Sunday at 2:45 est time so I cant' wait to see how that goes...I'm pretty anxious about it!

Oh and I've been feeling a little better too...but today is a heavy day on my period so kind of feel a little yucky cause of that, blah . Anyways, I look forward to your post on Benny and am hoping he is doing better ...take care!

[tavee]

Thanks For Being There Everyone.

Another Bad Day For Me. It Is Day13 On 1ml. I Dont Know What The Heck Is Going On.
I Had An Iced Lattee Yesterday And It Hit Me Later(espresso). Today After A Couple Sips Of Coffee In The Morning, I Started Feeling Like I Was Drunk; Dizziness, Fatigue, Cant Keep My Eyes Open.

Aunty- Do U Think The Coffee Is Affecting Me Now Cuz I Am On Such A Low Dose And It Is Trying To Substitute For The Lex. Does That Make Sense??caffeine Is A Drug Right???
My Hubby Thinks I Should Try Not Drinking Coffee Tomorrow To Test It And See.
Why Is It That Im Feeling Everything Now On Day 13. Usually This Is Where It Subsides And I Can Go On A Lower Dose.

Aunty????? What Do U Think??
I Am Sad Also. I Am Not Myself. I Feel Bad For My Family Cuz They Are Getting The Worst Of Me.my 4 Yr Old(poor Thing). He Is Suffering Cuz His Mommy Is A Nutcase With A Brain Injury And Cant Get It Together. What Am I Going To Do U Guys??
How Am I Supposed To Raise Another Child???

I Cant Handle Stress. I Cant Do More Than 2 Things Cuz I Get Overwhelmed And Anxious.

Yesterday I Went Out With My Hubby To The Stores And I Thought I Was Going To Pass Out. I Was Soooooo Dizzy Like I Was Drunk!!

I Look At Everyone And Think To Myself"how Does It Feel To Be Normal And Happy"? All These People Around Me Are Happy Go Lucky. I Watch And I Look And I Think Do They Know What We Are Going Thru??? Why Cant I Be Normal Like Them?? Why Cant I Feel Normal And Happy With No Pains And Not Feeling Sick?
I Am Ready To Give Up. If It Wasnt For Me Trying To Get Pregnant I Think How Quickly I Would Go Back On Lexapro To Feel Normal Again.

I Am Sorry For Whining And Complaining. I Know There Are A Few Of U Out There Who Are Worse. I Dont Mean To Complain But I Only Have U Guys. No One Else Understands.

Someone Help Me Please. Im Gonna Give Up.

Tavee

[elizabethmaria]

Hi Skyer,
Oh, thanks so much for your note! I'm having an awful day today - a cold, pms, and now the withdrawal stuff is so bad, I can't walk!! I'm all bent over, crippled like, from the parkinson/dystonia and it HURTS... Anyways, I'm home today, and just glad to see that you are hanging in there. I have been on the forums too, but not as much as I was, it is hard to see! but, that's probably a good sign in recovery... I am so glad you have found the break in your anxiety - I'm sure it will continue to disappear, 12 months is so close up for you. That is a wonderful thing!
That's amazing about the lawyer representing 5000 - I'm not even surprised though.. so many people are going through so much pain, it's unreal.
I would like to write you again, I think I still have your email, so I'll send you one that way ...
I had a question for you - do you have trouble with logical thinking?? My cognitive ability is so poor, and I still have very irrational, fearful thoughts that like to torture me.. it doesn't turn into physical anxiety, but the thoughts are very difficult to control, and it doesn't feel like my normal thinking self at all... just wondering if you've had this problem -- it's like thoughts get wrapped up, warped, obsessive, irrational...especially when I'm tired or overstimulated.. it just really scares me!!
take care of yourself, I'll write soon
love, EM

Tavee,
Oh you poor thing!!!!!! I'm sorry it's so rough.. if it's any comfort, today SUCKS for me too .. I know how you feel about being overwhelmed at more than 2 things at once. I used to be a great multitasker! Now, I can't walk and talk with someone at the same time! I can walk (not today, but usually!), or I can talk with someone, but CANNOT do both! I can eat, or I can talk with someone, but I can't have a meal and a conversation - it's so painful my head explodes ... but it's getting a little better.. ONE thing at a time.. so frustrating, especially for us women, who are supposed to be MASTER multitaskers! (hee hee, I feel like a man, ok.. sorry, that wasn't very nice...but you know what I mean)

I know it's so hard to see others going about, with absolutely no troubles like this at all... but it helps me to remember that there are lots of really sick people - especially in the whole world.. but they aren't able to be out and about, so we don't see them! that's why it looks like everyone is so well. But there are lots of people with lupus, MS, diabetes, cancer, people locked away in mental institutions, abused people, starving, handicapped, disabled, and other debilitations -- but they aren't even able to be out to see the healthy people.. so many in nursing homes never visited,etc.. anyways, that's what I remind myself.. see, the difference is that we will recover tavee - and that is a great gift. It may be really awful, terribly painful, lonely and hard, but there is an end, eventually it is proven that we will heal - no one is permanently damaged with this... and that's our great grace. Just try to hold on to that, ok? We WILL heal, that's a fact.. the unknown is the time period.. a few months, maybe a year, but it will be over -- that's something that people with terminal or chronic illnesses would give anything to hear!

You're in my prayers today - and please don't say you're not a good mommy!! You're the best! you're everything to him, and you care so much, and in a relatively short period of time in HIS life, you will be all better!
take care of yourself,
love, EM

Schnausertime,
Oh gosh, thanks for that uplifting note, that's JUST what I needed today!!!! I can't even tell you!! I'm glad your feeling better now - that period time is NO fun.. I think that's part of what's going on with me this week.. hopefully it will even out soon...
love,
EM