[Playmookie]

Hello, I am new to this forum. It is my time to say goodbye (once again) to painkillers. I am one of the many who have on and off taking many many painkillers and experienced many withdrawels (for over 20 years). I have no excuses for taking them, no pain and no prescriptions.

Each time doesn't get any easier and of course I sit here once again scared of whats to come. This time I am tapering and I am tapering quite fast!

I started with good intentions to taper my percocet, just to find out that I was taking more and more each day. Yesterday I took 140mg. I finally gave them to someone I could trust and now I am cutting back severely. I will be completely out in 7 days.

I know perhaps such a cutdown is not recommended, but I have no choice at this point. I just wanted to say how nice it is to read these links in here. I no longer feel "strange" about what is happening to me and I now understand that my major fear of symptoms is a normal result from taking these pills.

One of the reasons I always gave in and decided to mess up my sobriety was because of my lack of energy, depression & anxiety and thinking that I was always going to feel that way without the pills. I realize now that this is part of the process and things do get better.

I am bound and determined to get ME back. My energy, my humor and my motivation and love of life. I have always underestimated the power of those little pills to suck the life right out of me. So here I go once again with my supplements in hand, ready for a new life.

Perhaps writing here will help. This time I have switched to taking Percocet instead of Vicodin and I have noticed many differences in the withdrawels. Expecially the achy legs! Percocet have given me achy joints and much more depression and anxiety then Vicoden. That is just my observation.

I guess I will just follow my plan and pray this time works for me.
Im so tired of feeling like a bouncy ball and I'll do what it takes to stop this terrible cycle.

Holli

[vduda]

Hey Play,

Hope you make it this time. And like you said it gets harder everytime. Oxycodone is quite a bit stronger than hydrocodone. The withdrawals suck! But it is temporary. Just remind yourself of that. After the first week it gets better. I have been off the opiates for over 8 months and I have become a new person. Like you said I got ME back. But I do go through depression at times, but it is perfectly normal. My body chemistry is balanced and after a decade of hard use my body has made a come back. Just to give you an idea I was taking 3,500 mg of opiates a day and booting 30 to 40 cc's of Dilaudid and Hydromorphine a day. On top of that I was taking 40 to 50 mg of Xanax a day. I died three times from overdose and at the end I was given 2 weeks to live. It is truly a miracle that I am alive and praise God. My withdrawals went on for months and was bedridden for the 1st month and suffered over a 120 seizures in the first 30 days. I went cold turkey off everything. Not a good idea with benzos. After 4 and a half months of chronic withdrawal syndrome the doctors placed me on a medicinal dose of diazepam and in a few days I was feeling well. They explained that I had done permanent damage to my CNS with the benzos because of 20 yrs of use for an Anxiety Disorder. But the long acting benzo works great. I don't get buzzed, sleep well, and have no hangovers. No more seizures and my physical ailments have pretty much been resolved. Crazy to think that just a little over 8 months ago I was on my death bed. Now I am in perfect health, except for the CNS problem. I feel really good. At 41 yrs young I have died 3 times, been shot 4 times, had tragic car accidents and had near fatal injuries playing pro sports. I have so much titanium in my body. In fact, I detoxed just two months after I had reconstructive surgery on my neck from breaking it hitting a wall at 85 mph. Talk about pain. So hang in there. Even though I have these injuries I live with little pain. Again, I believe God has healed me. It is the only explanation. The doctors don't have any answers. According to them I should of been a quadrapalegic. God is the Master Physician able to heal body, soul, and mind.

Right now I am going through some personal struggles and it would be so easy to go back to popping and shooting that poison. But that is death. Life is suffering. Once you realize this fact it is a lot easier to accept the bad things that happen to you in life. With suffering there is also joy and peace. God is love and He will set us free. God Bless.

[Playmookie]

Thankyou for replying and your story. WOW you've have gone to hell and back! I was worried about the amount I was taking in a day. It is minor compared to the amount you quoted. I am so happy for you that you are on 8 months sober now. What a wonderful feeling that must be! You are right, life does involve some suffering and perhaps a little depression, but that is so much easier to cope with when a person is clean and sober (my opinion). I look forward to the day when I can say, "8 months sober". Thankyou so much for your supportive letter.

;o) Holli