[want to be free]

As I posted yesterday I was going to quit my percocet/lortab/ anything with codiene I can get my hands on addiction. Taking those 4 Darvo's day before yesterday, and 3 last night was like taking tylenol. I feel like hell and with 3 kids under the age of 5 crawling all over me I just can't handle it. I left a message with 1 of my doctors saying that I had left the prescription of 60 percocets down at our second home in South Florida. I have heard back from him yet, but I am just sitting by the phone waiting. I cannot do this! Without the painkillers I can't handle my kids, I can't even go grocery shopping. With them I feel great and have energy. I can't imagine my life pill free, it just seems boring and pathetic. So I guess I failed, I don't even belong here, everyone here is trying to recover, I just can't give it up. I don't even know if I'm typing these messages in the right spot I'm so computer illiterate. I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin now, I hope my doctor calls back soon!!

[withak]

i'm in the exact same position as you. everything you said might as well came out of my mouth. i stay home with FOUR kids and all i want to do is lay there if i'm not on my norco's. and when i'm waiting for a fill, i'm on the computer every 30 minutes checking the pharmacy's website to see if it's been ok'd. believe me, I GET IT, and i also think i can't do it w/out the pills or if i even WANT to try to....but you and i both know this is NOT the life we want. this is not what is best for our kids. we are DRUG ADDICTS, plain and simple. just b/c our drug comes legally and there's no odor to it (like alcohol) doesn't mean it's not real....

i'm out of my norco's and just called the pharmacy and they just faxed the dr. now it's the waiting game, and i HATE it. will the dr. or won't the dr. refill it? what will i do if the dr. says no? and what will i do if the dr. says yes????....go thru this all over again in 10 days when i'm out again??

we have got to get clean. we HAVE to. this life style is ridiculous. how are you feeling right now? i know the last thing you want to do is type, but i'm curious how you're doing. (i know, i know, you're doing terrible...you want your percs...) but w/out the pills, are you at your wits end? or are you surviving?

hang in there...you are NOT alone. please don't forget that there's HOPE. there is hope of a life with freedom...pill free. there's hope!

[mpvt]

You gals need to look into buprenorphene (suboxone,subutex). Have a look at ww.suboxone.com .They have a doctor locator on the site so get a list of prescribing doctors and when you feel ready start calling for an appointment.I can tell the two of you that eventually you won't get the energy and euphoric rush from thos pills as your tolerence will start to grow and once it does your in big trouble because then it becomes difficult to get anything to work.So have a read at the web site.Good luck and you both belong her,relapse is all part of addiction so you have nothing to be ashamed about.Hang in there......Dave

[withak]

thanks dave...
ya know, i was on suboxone for about a month and then became pregnant, so had to stop, and now the baby's been born, and i just naturally went back to the pills (narcs). i think i sorta chalked off the whole sub experience as just a "thing" i was experimenting with. but now that i think about it, and the more this site is pysching (sp?) me into getting clean, i'm starting to really think about going back to that sub doc and trying this again. i know he'd be totally cool with it, he knew i had to stop b/c of the pregnancy. the only thing is that he also required me (and all his patients) to 'talk' with a counselor once a week while on it, and i guess i always felt like i didn't need to 'go that far', but i still did it back then. plus, my stinkin town is so small, i just KNOW i'm going to walk into that counselor's office and know the person....i know that sounds like an excuse, but you know what i mean. plus, i really am getting to a point where i think "so what?! i wanna get clean, period". so, i just thought i'd share that with you since the thought of me doing sub again really only became a reality to me JUST NOW as i read your post, so thanks for posting it....

it may have changed the course of my life...we'll see

[EnoughPercs]

Originally Posted by mpvt

You gals need to look into buprenorphene (suboxone,subutex). Have a look at ww.suboxone.com .They have a doctor locator on the site so get a list of prescribing doctors and when you feel ready start calling for an appointment.I can tell the two of you that eventually you won't get the energy and euphoric rush from thos pills as your tolerence will start to grow and once it does your in big trouble because then it becomes difficult to get anything to work.So have a read at the web site.Good luck and you both belong her,relapse is all part of addiction so you have nothing to be ashamed about.Hang in there......Dave

Dave:
Do you work for Suboxone?
I noticed a pattern in your posts.
Either you work for them or have a really good success story because of it.

Which is it? If it's a success story, please share.
I'm heavily considering the Suboxone in the next few weeks or so.

[Kellyalittlesexy]

You are going to make it, It just takes one day at a time. I have been where u r and I am still there I have those days. Just take it easy. U can make it plus u have to for those 3 children of yours. I have 3 children and I know how u feel so if there is anything I can do Or just listen Just get help or go to your doctor or find one u can go to Good Luck

[mpvt]

I couldn't even tell you who makes suboxone or any other opiate for that matter.I have been an addict for 28 years and have also gone to college and took a few courses that dealt with addiction.Actually they were just part of the course and not specifically aimed at addiction.This was back in the early eighties and things have change alot as has the knowledege.So I don't see what "patteren" you see other then the fact that most of the people that come here have been abusing opiates for quite awhile.Most of them have tried and failed at cold turkey,rehab, detox ect.I do not personally support in 12 step programs but I would suggest them to someone who is new to addiction and has not yet acquired the tools and knowledge that can help some people out.
I'm a firm believer that opiate addiction is a brain disease and has to be treated with chemicals.Most long term addicts have little or no endorphin production so when they try and quit they feel terrible sometimes for years if not for the rest of their lives.This is were ORT (Opiate Replacement Therapy) comes in.
OPT has been around for over 40 years with methadone.The only problem with methadone is it's extremely powerful and it's a full antagonist.Methadone is most effective in long time (over 5 years of daily abuse) heroin,dialaudid,morphine,fentanyl ect addicts.That's not to say it doesn't work well for others but that group seems to benifit best.
This is were buprenorphene becomes so effective and attractive from a medical stand point.Buprenorphene is a partial antagonist which means you can only take so much before you get a cieling effect and with buprenorphene I think that's around 32-36 mgs.Buprenorphene is also about 40 times more powerful than morphine so it covers alot of ground.Suboxone is a sublingual tablet thats placed under the tongue and is absorbed.It works in about 20 minutes and has a half life of up to 72 hours making it attractive for doctors because they don't have to order hundreds of pills for a one month prescription.I could go on and on but I would just be wasting space here.I think I've made my point and answered your question.Have a good day.......Dave

[EnoughPercs]

Dave, I didn't mean it offensively, I was just joking around.
I think it's great that you help out & give hope to those who need it here.
This world needs more people like you :-)

[mpvt]

Thank you Enoughpercs, I guess I did take it the wrong way but thank you for the kudos I appreciate it...Have a good day.......Dave

[Kellyalittlesexy]

wanttobefree I understand what you are going through for I am the same way and I don't want to quit like you said everyone here has quit or wants to but doesn't know how I just wanted you to know I understand and hope to hear what you have to say again i posted a thread about addiction and just communicating with others about things because we share the same problem addiction to pain killers. If you see this or anyone see this reply, sometimes we just need someone who understands.

[binda]

I know exactly how you feel except I'm an oxycontin and roxicodone addict. Being w/out them is like being in hell. I hate myself, my life and I feel like I stink, my skin crawls, I get cold and then sweaty. I want to quit back I can't deal with the withdrawal symptoms and no one in my family knows that I have this problem so I suffer alone. I can't imagine having 3 smaill children and going thru that.

[alkisses]

one day at a time!!!

[Annalee]

Originally Posted by EnoughPercs

Dave, I didn't mean it offensively, I was just joking around.
I think it's great that you help out & give hope to those who need it here.
This world needs more people like you :-)

I thought the same as Dave I guess when I read your post, glad you responed back to him, I KNOW Dave is a guy out there that will help any way he can. I am thankful for that. and if you read, the girl posted back that Dave may have saved her, ! See what i mean.