[ChoosingLife]

Hello everyone,
I am new here and need a good support system other than my husband, who is behind me 110%.

I've been on Vicodin for about 2 years now. Rewinding a little, I have suffered with anxiety & depression for most of my life. I am now 30 years old, married for 10 years and have 2 school aged children.

2 years ago I hurt my back and was given Vicodin. I was given non narcotics to try as well, but nothing helped other than the Vicodin. The first time I took it, I didn't feel loopy like I thought I would. I felt wonderful! My depression was easier to tolerate (yes, I also take antidepressants) and it put me in such a great mood. Since I've been taking them for 2 years, my tolerance to them increased and I found myself taking 4 ES pills at a time in order for them to work. A bottle of 90 pills lasted me less than a week.

It's gotten to the point where when I run out, I feel horrible. I get the shakes, stomach problems, high anxiety, I can't keep still, and feel as though I am literally dying. I also get very irritable and snap at my family for no reason. I don't want to be like this anymore, so I go to my pain management doctor to ask for Suboxone. The problem is that my insurance doesn't cover it, so it will have to go through a process that could take several days. I don't expect to be able to start the Suboxone until next week, and I am scared to death to wait that long. I am on my first day without the Vicodin and am not doing so well.

I am also afraid because I do suffer from legitimate back pain. I have at least 4 slipped discs in my back & neck. Once I ask my dr. for the Suboxone, there is no going back, and like I said, nothing but narcotics work for me. I really wish that they did, I have tried *everything*.

I want to quit because I feel horrible what this is doing to my family. They don't deserve this, and I spend my days in bed trying to sleep it off, but the withdrawals aren't letting me sleep.

Vicodin consumes my mind. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up several times a night, and when I wake up for the day. I don't want to go through this anymore.

That's my story, I am looking for advice and support to get me through this and am glad that I found this forum.

Can anyone give me any information about other narcotic withdrawal meds such as Methadone? I have heard that many people die from Methadone, but my insurance may cover this before the Suboxone. I have considered having my husband hide it and only give it to me as directed. Does Methadone really work? Any other options besides Suboxone? TIA!

[Dave87666]

Hey there!First of all welcome to this site,there are many of us on here thaf know all about what you're going through..I myself am a(just turned 31) year old rocovering heroin addict,and you can find many of my stories here on there site...Anyway I am now almost 7 months clean from dope using first suboxone,and now subutex(same stuff minus the opiate blocker)...Since you really are in pain then honestly methadone may be a better answer for you because methadone is a very good pain med,and just looked at in a negative light as a "junkie drug"..Suboxone is fine to help you through w/d,and cravings yet does'nt do very much for pain..You will probably NOT get suboxone through your pain Dr. unless he/she is licenced to do so..Check out Suboxone.com that will tell you all about the drug and also provide you with the info to find Dr.s in your area who can RX it...As I say though you really may be more suited for methadone b/c of the pain....

PS- Dont believe everything that you see,methadone CAN kill you but only if misused,and in combo with other drugs that poeple should'nt use with it....Good luck and hang in there,there are plenty of us that want to help,and will welcome you into our comunity...

[lb1071]

Choosing Life,
I have been dependent on narcotic pain killers since 1994 and have also been hooked on illegal narcotics at different times in my life. In addition, I also suffer from severe back pain with stenosis.
I started methadone over 2 years ago and it has changed my life. A lot of people will not agree with me here but it may be the ideal choice for you also.
It is a supurb painkiller, blocks cravings and withdrawal, and you don't get high on it after using it AS PRESCRIBED after a few weeks.
Methadone has gotten a bad rap as of late-some chic who's boyfriend died from it feels lilke she has to save the world or something, and she's posting negativity things about methadone just about anywhere the drug gets flagged in the news.
But I have been using it safely for a while now and I will swear by it.
Your starting dose will most likely be about 5mg. twice daily.
You have to give it a little time to build up in your system, but I think you will be pleasantly suprised.

Sincerely,
Lane

[ChoosingLife]

Thanks so much. My dr. is one who is able to prescribe Suboxone, thank goodness. I am just afraid that since I am an easily addicted person to narcotics, I am afraid that I will get addicted to the Methadone as well and start to abuse it. I see my dr. in 4 hours and every minute is passing by so slowly. I am so sick.

[ChoosingLife]

Thanks so much Lane. It's something I will definitely ask my dr. about tonight. I am just afraid that since I abused the Vicodin that I will do the same with the Methadone and that scares me. I could always have my husband hide them from me and only give them to me as directed, but am afraid of me taking too many if I find them, or beg him to give me more. He's a softy.

[Restless&Reckless]

in my opinion if your just taking vicodin then methadone isnt the best choice. i think your better off with the suboxone. also, you are going to have to be in withdraw when you start the suboxone if you do. just a heads up. i wish you the best and am here to talk to and listen if you need it.

[lb1071]

ChoosingLife, your doctor CANNOT prescribe you the methadone for the pupose of detox. He can only prescibe it for the relief of pain. If you really WANT to get things straight, then get the Methadone for the pain.....and USE it for both the pain AND the addiction problems. IF, IF, IF you want to do it right, then dammit......YOU WILL!!!!

TRUST IN YOURSELF!!!


But I'm tellin' ya R & R, Methadone IS the best choice. Because....Suboxone does not kill the pain. It is a very POOR painkiller even though it is ranked as an opiate/narcotic. If you get on Suboxone and STILL feel pain....then what? After being a using addict for awhile, your system aint gonna accept a tylenol or advil as being appropriate. Eventually, and I mean EVENTUALLY, it will, but that is gonna take a LONG time. The body can take as long as 2 years to fully recover from opiate addiction and that being cold turkey abstinence! SO, untill then, remember that Methadone will do both (at least it has for me).

[ChoosingLife]

Hi all, sorry I haven't checked back sooner. I went through a bad time. First, I found out that my insurance won't cover the Suboxone script my doctor gave me. Not a chance. And I can't afford to pay cash for it either, it would have cost me over $500 for one month!

A week later I was finally able to see him again to ask what I should do next. He referred me to a Methadone clinic and my husband took me there on our way back home. By this time I hadn't taken a Vicodin in about 24 hours and was starting to withdrawal pretty bad. I was shaking and crying, feeling like I was dying, and scared if I felt this bad after 24 hours, how was I going to feel as it continued? Sure enough, the Methadone clinic didn't take my insurance either. They were very nice there though.

By the time we finally made it back home, I was in pretty bad shape that it scared my husband and I agreed to go inpatient if that was my only option. I just wanted all of this to stop, and NOW! My husband called so many different 800 #s for help, and finally found the closest inpatient place that takes me insurance that was a 2 hr. drive away. This was on Thursday, and they told me they could take me on Tuesday. They said I will go through a 3-5 day detox with Suboxone which made no sense to me - my insurance was willing to pay for inpatient care being treated with the same drug that they won't cover if I do it at home? Crazy!

So after my husband & I discussed the cost of gas of getting there & back, him coming to visit me, and then picking me up & bringing me back home, we just decided to pay for a week's worth of Suboxone out of pocket. 15 pills cost $98.99 - I figured that since they were going to detox me for 3-5 days inpatient, that I'd take the 2 8mg. a day for 5 days and then taper down to 1 8mg. pill a day for 5 days.

As soon as my first dose kicked in, I was a new person. I am scared though of what will happen after I take my last pill. I hope I don't go through bad withdrawals, as I can't afford any more pills for the rest of this month.

I'm on day 4 and am doing well. I still get a craving for the Vicodin, it's like a cigarette craving when you quit smoking. I'm also planning on starting counseling so that I don't relapse and going to NA meetings. I have noticed though that my muscles have been twitching pretty regular since starting the Sub and it gets more frequent as each day passes. I'm wondering if it's from the Sub or if my body is having breakthrough withdrawals from the Vicodin.

Thanks everyone for all your help, and good luck to you all.

ETA: I forgot to mention that the Sub is working well enough for my back pain, which is a plus!

[lb1071]

CLife, I think that is cool as hell that the Suboxone is working for you in the pain regard. I have not heard very many say that they get a pain killing effect from suboxone.
So your doc sent you to a Methadone clinic? I know that legally he can't prescribe Methadone for the purpose of narcotic withdrawal, but he CAN prescribe it for pain relief. I don't understand why he would not. Plus, in your case, Methadone is VERY cheap. A months supply is less than $20.00. You should plead with your doc and get his to start you on 5mg. twice a day. That is the usualy starting dose, you can titrate from there.
But if you're happy with the SUB, then go for it.
Anyway, glad to hear you're doin' GOOD!

Lane

[ChoosingLife]

Lane,
Thanks for your reply. I haven't been too happy with my PM doctor - he's always in a hurry and never answers my questions well enough before he breezes out of the door again to see the next patient. Knowing him though, once you tell him you want off of a narcotic, he won't give them to you anymore. He wouldn't want to write me out a script for the Methadone for pain, and then have me take my whole script in 4 days like I was doing with the Vic. My husband & I had planned though if he did give me a Methadone script, that he would hide them from me and only give them to me as directed. So much for that! So I guess I'm pretty much stuck with the Suboxone then. He doesn't even know that I started taking it, last time I saw him I told him I couldn't afford to pay for the Sub out of pocket. His office has been closed all weekend, so I couldn't call them to let them know. He actually thought that I would be going to the Methadone clinic and that it'd take all of the long weekend to start treatments there, so he gave me a script for 9 Vics. I didn't have it filled, that would have lasted me only half a day! lol

I'm glad about the pain issue, however I go on the 6th. to have my first nerve block proecedure. I hope that it works for me.

[lb1071]

I hope that the nerve block works. I had to go for a series of 3 of them but they never did much good.

Don't overdo your 9 vicodin!!! lol.

Lane